thisisrachellanne - Tumblr blog

[thisisrachellanne]

Why most people find it hard to let go of things

- something about tidying and stuff

[thisisrachellanne]

The BodyGuard

"Talking in Silence" as what I tell him, is something I want to show him that I like him too and I really want to make this day a special for both of us. Without any further words, I lead him to an intimate moment as he wished for, an intimate moment that I realize he appreciates me more than his girls in the past, my body and soul, the entire me, that he truly loves and cares for me. He never did aggressively, but he is passionate and assuring me that I am okay. His stare makes me feel like a total surrender, despite of the realities that we have right now. Undenially, I still feel the pain in pleasure with louder voice that takes me to heavens with him. Until we stop and finally fall ourselves to sleep, him holding me behind me.

[thisisrachellanne]

Welcome Back Myself, to Tumblr

It's been a long time..... Now I love to express myself thru writing again. TGIF

[thisisrachellanne]

I THINK I HAVE AN INSPIRATION NOW. CAN I START TO WRITE AGAIN?

AGAIN?

I really love talking to myself especially in times of troubled mind that i can share to nobody.

😶🥸🤯🥶

[thisisrachellanne]

Confessions of a Beginner

[thisisrachellanne]

Bad Hair Day, the Story

Annie has a bad hair, terribly bad deep seated curly hair which never fails to stand out from getting bashed from guys out there.

She gets seated at the bartender's area at the bar drinking champagne, wearing a black blouse and jeans with her black lipstick and standing tall messy curly hair when she noticed a lot of guys laugh at her at a far distance. suddenly a cute guy approach her and talk to her like a bff. then Annie warned him he is not suppose to go near her as she is being bashed by her messy hair. then she gets herself embarrassed and walk away when he chases at her, pulled her arm, then he kissed her abruptly.

Then suddenly, she wakes up and realized it was just a dream and gets wondered why this guy whom she have not met, appears in her dream.

Days later, this cute guy showed at her school. at a far distance, she saw him but hurriedly walks away and get startled why this guy is at her school. she makes an escape goat everytime she is about to go near him. until one day, while she walks at the hallway, a guy calls her at a far distance. she turned back then noticed him. she walks away and rans as much as she could until he grabs her backpack which makes her hysterical. she yelled aloud accidentally dropping her things from her hand. Then this guy told her that he chases after her because her notebook falls down at the ground. then he smilingly introduced himself with his tantalizing eyes. unbelievably, she introduced herself with nervousness towards him.

impliedly, this guy chases after her especially at the bench, at the library, and at her house to seek help from her regarding his assignment. until one night, this dream of her turns into an exact reality, then the next days, she bid goodbye to him as she gets hired at UK as a domestic helper to help her parents who have severe illness and gets struggle terribly financially.

years later, she is a corporate strategist when she got to meet him again. this time, she is now having a straight hair. she noticed he has a girlfriend who is extremely cute like him. until this time, she never got the chance to have a boyfriend and gets insecure of him having a cute girlfriend. she backoff from him when he ask her to hangout somewhere, but deep inside she feels that he has something feeling deep inside since before. he keep on insisting to meet her but she is too adamant not to. until one day, this guy cannot hold back anymore his feelings towards her, chases after her after their corporate party until he captures her and grabs her hand, saying he will break up his girlfriend if she agrees to be with him. her insecurity never runs away, she still considered herself as an ugly girl who just tried to become presentable, then she walks away.

she left this guy getting upset, while his girlfriend looks at him at a far distance, with realization in her face. until finally, he breaks up his girlfriend for years since college and still chases at Annie hoping that one day he will get her.

until the final moment has come when Annie agrees to meet him at a restaurant in all white. he wears himself in white and so does she. they have a heart to heart talk him confessing his feelings since the first time they met in college, how she makes him happy everytime they talk especially those laughing moments when she gets worried about he arrives at her house when she was not able to fix herself especially when she did not get brush her teeth yet and those moments when she cried while leaning to his shoulder for the bashing she heard from those students around her. then she realized and feel sorry towards him that she failed to appreciate those moments that at the end of those lonesome moments, there is someone who truly appreciates who she really is, how bad hair she is. she said sorry towards him and regret that she should suppose to appreciate him at those moments. then she confessed how she likes him a lot but there is something holding her back not to like him because he is too good to be true for her. he hugs her so tightly, then he kissed her, a confirmation of their relationship.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

Days have passed, we resume to our normal duties. Everytime we have been together, he keeps holding my hand as we walk especially with the roadman as he is about to perform. He never fails to take good care of me especially giving me food and if am alright. Until his manager, his team and the media noticed some sweetness in us, leading them to add inhis quick interviews. Until it was known to the fans leading to the breaking news especially against me.

Their manager suggested I should resign from work and lay low seeing each other, but Josh is too adamant he should fight for me. Then the manager decided he should have to take a break for the moment.

However, unexpectedly, his break leads the fans to confusion if he was ousted from the band. So Josh decided to call for a presscon to make things clear with all honesty.

[thisisrachellanne]

The BodyGuard

"Talking in Silence" as what I tell him, is something I want to show him that I like him too and I really want to make this day a special for both of us. Without any further words, I lead him to an intimate moment as he wished for, an intimate moment that I realize he appreciates me more than his girls in the past, my body and soul, the entire me, that he truly loves and cares for me. He never did aggressively, but he is passionate and assuring me that I am okay. His stare makes me feel like a total surrender, despite of the realities that we have right now. Undenially, I still feel the pain in pleasure with louder voice that takes me to heavens with him. Until we stop and finally fall ourselves to sleep, him holding me behind me.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

I suddenly realize I am so cruel to him saying directly I do not trust him that much. I feel so embarrassed to myself that I seemingly insulted him without any doubts. Am too bad, am too blunt towards him. That I said to him what is really in my heart, that I want him too but am not ready to face the world if I will found out that his fancy with me would not last long. Am desperately like him now, now that I already express myself that I like him too, that I wish he never stop tasting my body, especially now that I feel he much delighted it. To cut all of the fantasies in my head, while still standing in front of him, I walk out in silence. As I make my 3 steps going towards nowhere, he hugs me so tightly, him behind me, with his arms leaning to my breasts, feeling the warm of his arms that brings sensation to my body. Then he whispered "please, I want this day special to us Mia." His voice makes me feel he desperate want to ask for more from me. I close my eyes, with a sigh of relief, I said "lets go to the room and have a talk in silence." He did not further ask what I mean. I hold his hand, still him behind me as we walk towards the bedroom.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

After Will leaves, there is silence in between us, seemingly time stops and what I only hear are the tweets of the birds outside the house, then of course, his breath asking for more, while locking eyes on me. I realize I am now in the momentum of torn between two things - to follow what my mind says, that is to do the right thing, or to follow what my heart feels, that is to uncontrollably let my emotions flow. Before I could make a choice, he hurriedly kiss me on my lips so intensely, so thirsty coupled with hunger. I feel he desperately wants to everytime. Something lingers in my thoughts and ask myself if he feels this way to every girl he have met, or is it just to me? It makes me feel jealous as he is still kissing on my lips. Before I think even more, he suddenly touch my waist and make a gentle rub on it until it reaches my tummy going up to my chest, to the fullness of it. I feel much fuller as I confidently erected myself to show to him that it is fuller than the rest of the girls out there. Then I feel he reach his right hand to the tip on it, the part that makes me realize the most sensitive one, and make a rolling touch while cupping it. His breath gets warmer while he kiss me more intense while biting my tongue. Then he suddenly stop kissing me and he move his mouth going to my chest and sip on it gently while holding at the same time with his hand. Until a couple of seconds he suddenly stopped, seemingly realizing something, then he said "am sorry."

I get startled by his words and puzzled at the same time, and ask myself why suddenly he apologizes after he did those to me. "Doesn't he like it at all?" Then I get confuse and get desperate to know why. Then I ask him "why you apologize?"

He showed pity in his eyes as he looks at me and said "Am sorry I treated you the way I treated other girls I have fancied with. Am too rush on you, too aggressive, I should not treated you this way. Am sorry. I just feel something different with you than I have with other girls out there. I like you that much that am desperately want to have you like me too, and am getting jealous everytime I saw you with another guy especially who touches you. Am sorry am still insisting on this despite it is not right for you, without asking your permission. It seemed that I cannot control myself anymore everytime we are together that I am desperately want to do something intimate with you everytime. Am sorry." Then he hugs me so intensely and emotionally.

I can't help myself if I will still deny that I want him as much as he does, or I will confess to him at this moment that I have feelings for him too, that am getting jealous thinking of those girls he have fancied before, especially now that I want to still surrender myself like the first time we did without any hesitation. While massaging his back with my right hand, then I finally said my words with a sigh of relief and shame to myself.

"I like you since the first time we met. Honestly. i just keep denying to myself everytime because I feel am not the right person for you. Am sorry for still denying it. Now, whatever kind of relationship you can offer to me, whether it may be a-one-night-stand, friends-with-benefits, sort of mutual-understanding, or a real-relationship, or will just do something as you feel it, I will accept whatever it is and I will get ready to it. Just don't make any promise or feel obligated to it. Am sorry that I like you but though I feel you like me too but I just feel I do not trust you that much. Am sorry for being this honest with you."

He release his arms from me then he reacted "But I want a serious relationship with you Mia!"

"Am sorry Josh, for now, I don't trust you that much until when your feelings remain. But don't worry, I will say yes to whatever kind of relationship you might call it."

"I feel happy and sad at the same time Mia. Am happy now that I have you Mia and I will work hard to make you feel am the faithful one."

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

It's time for martial arts tutorial. Will explained that they are at the house to have me teach them how to fight. After we take our breakfast, the five of them have a talk with the manager while I wash all the dishes.

After two hours of talking, I lead them outside, to the garden. It is better that the weather is quite good and friendly to stay outdoor.

Will offered himself to be my sample to demonstrate and commence the tutorial.

When I was about to say something, Will notice something about Josh who is standing one meter beside from me. Then Will talk to Josh "Is there something between two of you? You both looked so good in gray outfit. I see that gaze differently this time Josh, I guess you really changed."

Josh politely said "It's nothing Will. Thanks for the compliment anyway."

Will approach towards front of me. I hold his arms as part of the practice when Josh suddenly leans on my back, wrapping my waist with his arms, seemingly hugging me.

Then I saw Will's face seemingly get puzzled by what he see, then suddenly the three men at his back make a teasing smile. Then Will finally said "Josh, is there something we do not know? Or am just assuming of something about both of you? Or are you jealous Josh?"

Josh, with a stuttering voice, said "Am sorry. It's nothing. Ok I will join practicing." Then he proceeded himself to stand at the back of Will.

I make a sigh of relief to relax. Then Will said "Ok, let's proceed Mia."

After practicing, the four of them and the manager said thank you to me and leave.

At the kitchen, while am cooking food, Josh suddenly hugs me at my back, then whispered "Sorry a while ago. Can't help myself."

I reacted "Josh, can you stop hugging me please, especially now that am flooding with sweat." Then I turn off the stove.

He smelled my neck which makes me feel uncomfortable. To confront him, I turn myself and face him. Then he leans his body towards me. I feel so trapped this time as his face gets near me wanting to kiss me. He abruptly inserted his hand under my leggings and touch me beyond limits. Then he lifted up my sweaty shirt, leaving my chest partly exposed. Can't help but am making a sound, a sound so delighted when suddenly someone arrives, seeing us. It was Will who said "I just left something here." Then he gets his bag at the sofa. Then Josh yelled "Ok Will." But he never releases me. Then Will leaves.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

He never stopped kissing me while holding my face. I feel a thirsty kiss, with intense eagerness to do more. Am so vulnerable now, that I let myself being maneuvered by him. His hands go down slowly as he touched every part of my body, with his hands inserted inside my clothes till it reaches to the my sensitive part.

He leads me to the sofa and undress me and undress himself too. He taste every part of me so passionately seemingly wanting to engage himself to me wholeheartedly. I feel so loved, so wanted that I never feel this way before with any guy. Until I finally give in, loses that part of me that I never surrender to any guy as he pushed himself towards mine with much delight. It feels that now I belong to him and he belongs to me too. Until we stop exhaustedly in pleasure and he hugs me so tightly behind me till we go to sleep.

The next day, I wake up, change my clothes and cook for breakfast. It is 5AM, too early that I expected. I feel an embarrassment for what I did with him last night, seemingly the reality strikes in me now, that am too ambitious to have him and to go any further. I cook food when suddenly somebody hugs me so tightly behind me.

"The food smells good sweetie." Josh said.

I turn off the stove, decided to have a talk with him and make clear of something. Then I said "Josh, I think this is wrong. Please release me."

"But why Mia? There is nothing wrong with that. We have the same feeling after all. Are you still in denial stage?"

I face him and said "Josh, this is not good for you and for your career and for people who are fond of you. How would you explain this to your manager?"

"Are you saying you rejected me? No Mia, please. Only you makes me feel this way. Only you makes me feel complete and satisfied after making love last night. I feel something different, so special, that I never wanted to ask for more."

"Am sorry Josh. But I guess this is not right after all. I guess I need to resign before it will go down too deeply."

"No Mia, please. If you feel this is too fast, I will wait. I will wait till you are prepared for this. Even if it will take too long for me. Please. Don't leave me. I like you and I need you Mia." He holds my hands and with begging face.

"Ok Josh, I will stay, but please no pretend at all and no taking chances, ok?"

"Yes, I agree Mia."

Then suddenly, his colleagues and his Manager arrive.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

As the people around the park gradually increases, Josh decided to have dinner at home instead. We get rushed going out until his driver arrives before he gets caught by people especially the paparazzi and would think maliciously against him.

As we arrived at home, he asked his driver to buy some pizza nearby. The driver then dropped the pizza home and went out.

I feel awkward again as we are only two in his house, especially now that we pretend to be... oh my God.... I cannot speak it... am getting shy as I feel butterflies in my stomach.

We get seated at the carpeted floor at the living room, with sofa behind our back. We play board games.... scrabble. I notice he is into this game and make laugh at it, he laughs at how it is hard for me to think of words. He take chances of me - he leans my shoulder, he touches my leg, he touches my face, feeling something electricity from his palm as he touches it. But I keep neglecting those touches, as if I never noticed it. He touches my mouth and removes the dirt from the pizza I've eaten. Am getting shocked of him touching it without any further ado. As we played scrabble, he suddenly interrupted me when he grabs my left hand and have it touched in his face, his hand behind my hand.

Then he said "Do you know how many of them wanted to touch my face every time I meet them?"

I get shocked and feel privilege I was able to touch his face of all the ordinary people he is pointing. But am still adamant not to express to him how much I feel delighted. I said "I don't know Josh. How many of them?"

"All of them Mia! All of them!" He yelled, hinting on something he thinks I do not get it.

Then he finally say it "Oh c'mon Mia, you don't really get it, don't you? Am not kidding here but it seemed that you still feel that it is normal thing and that it is just a pretend."

I get shocked he blurted it out suddenly and he seemed disappointed of me, of my numbness of his advances. I feel he actually have something towards me, something romantic, something that only now can I say it to my mind 'is he really into me?' I wanted to tell him I just find it unbelievable.

I left myself speechless. I don't know how to react but I just feel unbelievable. But I need to respond to him before he could do anything towards me.

Then I said "Am sorry Josh you feel that way. There is something in my mind about you but I just cannot express it exactly. Am afraid after all, I just get it wrongly."

Josh yelled again "What is that exactly Mia? Please tell me." With his begging voice, he is eager to know.

I feel confused, but with bravery, I finally said my thoughts with a stuttering voice "Am Josh, it is unbelievable to me, I hope you will find it ridiculous as I am going to say it. But let me ask you "Are you really into me?"

He abruptly pulled by face with his two hands and immediately kiss me, a kiss that is too eager to tell me how much he mean it.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

As he touched my back, I can still feel the hard thing about him I touched a while ago. It feels something strange, so hard that it gives me the sexual sensation for the first time. That feeling makes me feel awkward and too embarrass to face him. I started to feel maliciously that he might interpret I have sexual interest towards him. I manage to obey him to get calm and resume reading the book.

After the embarrassment I am facing with him, I manage myself to get calm. We resume reading books, talking a little about the romance novels we read. I realize this kind of book is also fun to read. Until I forget what happened awhile ago.

We realize it is already night time. We take a ride a taxi and go to the park. At the park, we walk, we talk, we laugh, we eat ice cream, feeling like a child, we get seated at the bench. On the other side, Josh also has sense of humor apart from his being quiet. Then we pause for a while as he look at the stars. Then he shifted to a serious talk.

"Can you still remember a part of yourself Mia, I mean the past?"

"I can feel I have a past Josh but cannot anymore remember exactly."

"Am just getting curious if you really have boyfriends in the past? Because you seemed not interested in guys that much. I might think perhaps you're a lesbian as you are into stuff that only guys supposed to do."

"Lesbian?!" I laugh crazily as I feel am not really that. "Oh c'mon Josh, am into something guys should do but am not lesbian!"

"Alright. Am now convince that you are really a girl. How many boyfriends you already have?"

I hear something fishy about his interrogating questions. I ask myself what he is up to. I suppose it is only a pretend date, especially that his kiss hours ago which I already managed to forget but now, that feeling get started to revive.

"I feel I have boyfriends in the past, but I cannot anymore recall exactly about them. But I feel it only takes a month or two."

"But why Mia?"

"I guess they are not loving me that much and that they betrayed me by finding someone else." I answered him based on what I feel, I feel something part of me broken as I answered him.

"Oh well, me, I just cannot find a girl whom I can talk to. Most of the girlfriends I have are aggressive especially in bed. I don't know much about them personally."

"But you can choose who will be your girlfriend Josh, am I right?"

"Yes, of course, I can choose whom. But ever since before, they chases after me like crazy, even those that I thought not that crazy about me are just pretending they are not."

Then he added.

"Have you seen those stars? I just talked to them at night when I need someone to talk to emotionally especially when I feel empty."

"Oh well, I guess what you need Josh is not a girlfriend, but a best friend."

I face him confidently, smilingly, then he push my shoulder and laugh aloud. Then we laugh together.

"You really make me laugh Mia. I guess I already found my best friend. Thanks to the stars from above."

"Who? Me?" I laugh. After all of taking chances at me for the sake of pretend, he realize am just a best friend.

"Yes! It's you Mia. Am comfortable talking with you wholeheartedly and you are willing to listen to me and a considerate one and who really understands me. Thank you for making this day great for me."

I suddenly feel emotional, but keeping control of myself. I smiled at him with happiness in my heart and said "You're always welcome Josh. If you need someone to talk to, am just here for you." I tapped his back to show that I care.

[thisisrachellanne]

The Bodyguard

In my sleep, I dream about someone at a far distance, hardly to be recognized because of fogs. I feel we are in the road of the forest. As he gets nearer, I finally recognize him, then he handed to me a gift, a gift that I cannot see as it is covered by fogs. I decided to touch it. It is soft at first, until it gets harder, and harder and harder.

Then suddenly someone wakes me up in whisper. When I wake up, I suddenly shocked when my hand is already at his.........

organ.

I instantly release it with embarrassment and said hysterically "Oh my God! Am really sorry. I dreamt of something I cannot see then I decided to just touch it. Oh my God Josh, I didn't really mean to do it. Am sorry."

As I look at Josh, he smiled at me seemingly enjoying of me touching it. Then he said "It's okay Mia. Don't get embarrassed. Actually, you touched it longer than I expected. It almost get me wet but I realize we are still here..... in the library."

"What? Can you just stop saying that! It's not my intention to do that." I slapped his back in madness, when the librarian noticed us getting noisy and gives me a quiet gesture.

"Sssshhhhhhh. Ok let's forget it Mia. Please calm down." Josh hugs me to get calm and massage my back.