thisisthewayitis2021

[thisisthewayitis2021]

19th August. I had a burst of energy this morning. It must have been adrenaline as I am so nervous about having passed the virus to my mum. Just having been pinged. So I went to have a PCR test ; drove to a local park and ride. And even though the rules relaxed on Monday and you don't have to self isolate while waiting for a result if you don't have symptoms.. I don't have any new ones on top of my usual long covid ones... well I sneezed once earlier but I don't think that counts... I still am. How is that going to help with the figures if I 'may' have it, enough to trigger a ping, but wander about potentially spreading it? After passing the virus to my dad.. or him catching it off me, whichever way you want to phrase it.. I have been encouraged to do the latter.. but the result is the same, I am so wary. Anyway. My friend who works in a local pharmacy is going to drop off some lateral flow tests to me shortly. I have had a sleep. Maisie has been for a long walk and has lots of grass seeds in her coat. I will spend the afternoon brushing her, and watching some more Beck. Very sleepy though and I don't want to trigger another migraine. I'd like to have a go at Cognifit again. It was 4 days since I last had a go and I'm getting reminders. Wary about that too though.

I chatted to the friend I went to Scotland with in June this morning. I am going to go again at the end of September. I will fly up as she will already be there. I will find someone to look after my dog and someone to drop me at the airport. And my son Leo and his girlfriend will be there for the weekend. They will get the train from Manchester. It will be so lovely. I'm going to plan it, even though I may be still pretty rubbish activitylevel-wise. The sea air. Sitting on the beach. I so want to go. Hoping it will be possible.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

This morning I went to see Mum who lives 5 minutes away. She was telling me about a silver cup which was on the table next to me, where my cup of tea was. It is a cup that I remember from my childhood. She was telling me it's story. This involved some family history. And the 1820 settlers to South Africa... I remember that! Just that's how some of the family got there. But I can't remember the details. Something about a town on the south coast of England. She was telling the story of the family friend who had given it to her. I remember that he was killed on a ship which went down in WW2. I love this kind of history usually as I want to know, then pass it on to Leo. But I couldn't take in any more information after that. It was too much. I started to get upset as my brain was seizing up. I couldn't process the information she was telling me. The separate pieces of information and the bigger picture. At first I asked her to repeat herself about 4 times on the series of events then I gave up. I asked her to stop telling me information as I couldn't take it in and understand the words. So damn frustrating. It is scary not being able to think in the same way you know you normally can. I can't ask people for information and take it in. And the effort makes me really tired. I feel like I need some WD40 in my brain to loosen it up. But there is good news, in that I don't need to turn the tv off now if following a story if I have had a sleep. I can watch a drama all the way through, an perhaps a second episode even. That's great!! 🥳And I can listen to a discussion on the radio now. Weirdly as I don't need the information for a purpose. It's kind of subliminal and doesn't matter if I don't hear/absorb the details. No pressure. Anyway I'm now focussing on brainfood. Mainly veggie. Anti inflammatory diet . So I'm not going to eat stuff that perpetuates the inflammation and uses up energy. No caffeine. No sugar apart from the odd treat, not drinking alcohol at home, I may have a glass of something at a pub once a week. So desperate to do everything I can to hurry things along. Yesterday I had something called a facial energy release face therapy. A kind of massage which was heavenly. I thought well I don't know about this when it started, didn't seem to be very much at all. But it was hypnotic. And I will have it again.

My Springer Spaniel Maisie had an appointment with Clare from Borrowmydoggy this morning. Someone new in her support team. Maisie has passed with flying colours. Clare and her two children will have Maisie every Wednesday afternoon, and that will work well when I am back at work, as I can go to the office on Wednesdays then and see people which will be wonderful. I so can't wait for that. My brain has to get better though. I can't be asking people to tell me things four times and I have to be able to move forward and sideways in thinking, of appropriate solutions to problems, which I can't do at the moment. And not get brain freeze. And be able to look at a computer screen for longer than 45 minutes and be able to scroll the screen up and down. Not much then. 😳Overall though I am a bit better I think. Not quite so knackered, That's because I'm not pushing myself to take Maisie out now... just two walks a week in the day. I'm ok with the daily 20 minutes at 7am. Then as long as I don't do anything I'm ok! I couldn't walk into town still, or go into town. Couldn't drive to Midsomer Norton. Gee. 7 months now. Just call me Brian. (Magic Roundabout though he was quite speedy if I remember correctly)

[thisisthewayitis2021]

The snail's progress.

I'm sorry it has been so long. There are no dates on here I have noticed so I can't remember when I last posted. It has been over a week though.

So much fatigue last week. Trying to schedule anything is impossible.

It is August 16th 2021 today. Just a brief summary; last week I was out for the count Monday until Wednesday. Staring at the sky again, not even able to listen to the radio or watch tv on Monday. And I had had an optical migraine on Sunday night. I had tried to do some brain training on Sunday morning. I had downloaded some apps including Lumosity and Cognifit. 5 in all. I have now deleted all but Cognifit and will only do 3 x 10 minute sessions a week. Not do three ten minute sessions from multiple apps one after the other to try to build up my skills in a crash course. Such a stupid idea but I am so wanting to get better. It won't happen if I try and do that though. I just seize up so can't anyway. I am hoping Cognifit will help, in baby steps. At the moment I'm fine for the first 5 minutes then I fall apart and I can't do anything. My score was 158 out of 1000 the first time. It's pretty depressing but I will stick with it. It's interesting though as I can feel the different layers/areas of my brain that don't work. For instance I'm much better now again at listening to a story, can hear and understand. And I can express myself in writing again pretty easily which is brilliant. So happy about that . Much better than verbally. But reading about processes and following a story is more difficult. I can't remember a sequence of shapes if it is presented to me, for me to repeat a few seconds later. And lots of other processes which I can't remember to tell you! The app is so clever, being able to target specific areas. It was developed by neuro scientists, that's why I chose that one, rather than the others. I'm taking Gingko bilobo and CO Q10 too which are supposed to help. This morning it was about the same.

I spoke to a manager at work last week. My fit note runs out on the 24th, in a week's time but the fatigue and the lack of concentration and thinking processes mean that I won't be able to go back to work. I just can't do anything and I am not going to recover by next week. They are brilliant and have said that I must only go back when I am fully better. I do think the fatigue is a little better though. But that is because I am not taking my dog out now. I have walkers so am not exhausting myself so much and can potter about at home in short bursts.

I was excited that my son Leo was coming to visit on Friday. He was coming for the weekend, one night at mine and one at his dad's. With me all day Saturday, then his dad Mark came to pick us up on Sunday evening and and we went out for a meal, Mark, Dad's partner Melanie and Leo. Really lovely (we all get on well). Then he stayed the night at M&M's. Mark had picked me up on Sunday at midday. I went for lunch with them before Mark dropped Leo off at the train station and took me home. I was really flagging by then, was conscious of my eyes wanting to close at lunch. I was in bed by 8.30 but it was so worth it. I'd been really conscious of resting and sleeping between activities. And so far today I've been ok. Well, I slept for two hours during the morning but that's normal. No extra effects I mean so that's great.

Back to being on my own all week and trying to keep positive. It's so dull and I can feel very lonely. I am missing some of my friends. I can completely appreciate that some are very bound up in their busy lives and their own relationships. I have some brilliant friends who ring me up and pop round, and I meet one every Friday in a pub garden for a bit (or inside now as it is cooler). Some have drifted though. I feel sad about that. I need people at the moment and to feel that they care. It must be really hard if you have long covid and are in a house full of other people though. I couldn't cope with that. I know I'm not great company and I can only manage about 1 1/2 hours max of conversation. Just being with someone is lovely for a short time though, I don't need to talk. it just so helps with my mood and that contact is so essential. I do have lovely proactive friends who are very caring though and I know that some people just aren't that proactive and haven't got the capacity emotionally. Perhaps people just don't want to be around someone whose dad died recently and is not well. I have still got my sense of humour though and am outward looking at the world, and care about them. I think I'm pretty good company still actually lol. But it's ok. Anyway. I mustn't let it get me down.

Life will be back to normal one day. I don't cope with crowds well... too much sensory stimulation. But I need to try every now and again or I will have such trouble with getting back to normal. I want to go to busy pubs and gigs and go to town at a weekend. On Saturday we went to town to a restaurant and I had to hold Leo's hand walking from the carpark to the restaurant as there were so many people and it was making me so anxious. A crazy Saturday night. It was only 6 pm but the pubs and bars were full and it was like a massive hen party in town! I had been on my own with my dad during lockdown in a rural setting, and once back home after he passed away, on my own. Not being able to go out or to work because of the long covid...or even into town on a quiet afternoon as I have been too exhausted to get there.... well it hasn't helped. I like my own company.. need it really, at least half the time. I have always said that I couldn't be in a 24/7 relationship where you are together all the time as I am very independent. But it doesn't mean being on my own so much is what I want.

But hey, I'm very resilient and practise mindfulness and go outside when I feel low. The fatigue is so restrictive though. And my crazy spaniel makes me laugh. Anyway, that's enough for today. A bit of a kip then I will watch another episode of Beck. I find a drama and get into the story. I need to try and book another eye test. The seventh as I keep cancelling. Melanie has said she will take me as I can't go on my own. It's just too much to try and do. Crazy. I have got the large print Jack Reacher that my son bought my dad for Christmas. So will try that.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

Oh dear. Well it went well... the acupuncture I mean. I met my friend. I had to leave after an hour though. Shutdown. Bed by 7.30. Slept all night. Had to cancel my eye test which I'd rebooked to be in town.. all of 10 minutes drive away. Not much screen stuff today I think. Feeling a bit low about it all. Up down, up down up down. At least Maisie is off out for a lovely walk today with a local dog walking company. That will be lovely. And she had a great day with Ed yesterday. He will walk her Saturday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next week. So that will be a great help. I'm concentrating on thinking about what I eat. I really don't want to put on any more weight.. I lost two stone and have put on half since Dad died and the long covid lack of energy. I know it is the least of my worries but it's important to me, after all the determination to lose it. Low carb makes me feel better anyway, but I have to find alternative comfort foods. All will be well in the end. I have to think that. This is not going to be forever. It's my body just gathering itself.. regrouping. Resting before the final 30/40 or so years. I want to create many more memories.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

Well after a few days of recovery from a hyperactive Saturday, yesterday I was trying to look up articles on the cognitive difficulties after covid and what I can do to help myself. I am due to go back to work on August 24th, but it's making me anxious as my brain is so not good enough still. I had tried to read an article in The Lancet on the subject. I had to give up after a few minutes. I can't read the words and take the information in. That is something my brain just can't do and it just locks, I can't think sideways at all into appropriate responses for things, it's so so weird, or even backwards or forwards if you see what I mean. . Yesterday I was trying to order some glasses online for a friend and I couldn't work out to how to use an unfamiliar website which is so unlike me. It's not to do with depression or anything like that because I'm looking ahead and feeling optimistic and hopeful etc and can look outside myself, at things objectively.. most of the time as long as I'm not too exhausted and can't think at all. I do think the tiredness and fatigue is a little bit better now though, feeling more hopeful. I still have to keep cancelling things and I can't drive anywhere over twenty minutes away. That is like a major expedition. But I did drive to a local cafe in a museum today, took my mum out for coffee for the first time in ages. That was an entire 15 minutes journey, having to drive around the outside of the centre of town because a bridge is shut and I could work it all out so that was amazing and an improvement although my legs were trembling from the adrenaline and the effort but it's still a lot better!!! I'll be driving to a town 20 minutes away for acupuncture today, and to have lunch with a friend afterwards so it's a really big day. I hope it'll be alright. I should feel good after the acupuncture.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

Weekend

Good morning everyone, I feel that I must crack on and write something while things are so good! I woke up feeling really great this morning. Such a relief as yesterday was not great. I had such difficulty walking Maisie. She is really good remarkably and doesn't pull. I've sent a message to someone else from Borrowmydoggy this morning to see if he is interested. When someone walks Maisie one day, I have found that I feel pretty good the next day.... as long as I don't get too excited and don't do anything else!! I have someone from a dog walking company coming round on Monday which will be great. She will bring some members of her team. Walks cost £13 though so really I'd like to use volunteers as much as possible.

I do feel great this morning so far, so am taking advantage. When I wake up in the morning I often feel like, oooh, maybe I'll be able to go back to work after all on the 24th. But then get to about 10am and have to lie down and, no, that's not going to happen, I realise. I try not to let that get me down. Yesterday I did not even have the window at the beginning of the day. Yesterday was Friday and every Friday in the late afternoon I go up to my local pub to meet a couple of friends. I need to do that, to have some social contact and feel that I am 'out' and have some fun. Very much lacking at the moment. I did not have the energy yesterday but felt that I should as I hadn't seen a friend since last weekend and all that time alone is not good. There is resting and there is resting! So I did. And it was a good idea. I chatted and ordered some food. The dogs made us laugh. I was home by 8, watched a little tv and went to bed. Amazing!! I'm waiting to see if it will have an impact today. I so hope it won't. My aim is to take Maisie in the car to a large park and walk round it with her. That's what I want to do. It doesn't sound too much does it? I'll let you know tomorrow if that happened.

Every day this week, most of the day has been just lying around with no energy and not able to think to do stuff like look up things and go through thought processes and make choices. Four mornings have I felt quite good early on. Some mornings I don't and after taking Maisie round the block I've gone back to bed. Necessity not choice, I don't like to loaf about in my pjs every day. Occasionally is fine, but not every day. It's very interesting though. I do like to look at things objectively and try and work out a solution. Hence the money I've spent on all sorts of supplements, aromatherapy and acupuncture. Who knows how I'd be if I didn't have them. The lack of energy is not due to depression. I know that, I've experienced it. I'm not depressed overall. I'm very optimistic usually. I have the occasional meltdown and I had a couple this week, of absolute despair, not knowing how I can live the rest of my life without my dad in it, and what is the point. But I recover and I know that those meltdowns are because I feel so ill and cannot think. and are part of the natural bereavement process. The illness and the grief are separate, but also entwined. On one info page from the long covid clinic, there was a piece about the 3 different types of long covid and one is involving grief. So it's understood. Some symptoms will be due to the virus still hanging around in there, reactivating and bubbling away, and the other memory and thinking stuff will be due to grief. And it's not possible to tell the difference. But hey, the result is the same and the treatment.. as in time and self care I would think, is the same. I know I will be ok. I am motivated for life. I've been looking at Bamboo travel and thinking about travelling. Things to look forward to. I have a deposit paid for a trip to Costa Rica with Bamboo in November 2022. My son and his girlfriend and I were due to go to South Africa to see friends and family last September so that trip will happen at some point. And that is really exciting. I need to be well though before I do any of it, I don't want to be holding others back or bringing the trip down for others And I don't want to spend all that money and not be able to do the things I want to do. It's only because I will have the money from Dad. I have never been able to do this kind of thing before. Caravans in Dorset or Wales are my usual holidays that I have been able to afford. I have been away abroad with friends before, but those trips are down to amazing kindness and generosity. From now on I will pay for things myself. I want to spend more time in Scotland, and just generally do stuff. I do not want poor health to prevent those things from happening, and will do everything I can to get back to 100%. I may have to postpone Costa Rica. Or change the destination. Maybe I'll sign up for Thailand and Vietnam to go the Elephant Park in Chang Mai, which was the trip I'd signed up for originally, but changed it to Costa Rica. Or somewhere completely different. Tahiti looks amazing too. And I want to go to Nepal one day. I don't' know. I do have an adventurous spirit, as in I want to go off and see things and go places. I don't want life to be all routine for too long.

I'm not particularly a risk taker though. I would not do a bungy jump or jump out of a plane. There is a zip wire experience through the jungle in Costa Rica though. That terrifies me but I may be up for that if I see others do it first! Not sure.

But for now, I just need to protect myself and get better. Rest and recover and recharge my batteries. I'm so fortunate to have my lovely friends. I couldn't have got through these last 6 months without them.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

This is my Maisie :)

#springers

[thisisthewayitis2021]

When the sun streams in your window

What a stunningly beautiful morning. This is my best time of the day, even though I've only had about 5 hours continuous sleep. Due to doing no physical activity yesterday. I have to work on that balance. Do some stretching or something. Goodness knows when as after a couple of hours, that is not what I feel I can do. But hey, it's great right now. I feel pretty normal and it's my favourite time. I can usually last until about 10 am before it's essential to switch off again. I can think clearly at the moment and I have been for a walk and didn't feel like lead. In fact I feel like I could get in the car and drive to Dorset, Cornwall or Pembrokeshire, or Scotland. All my favourite places. I have had an egg for breakfast in order to have the energy to receive the supermarket delivery and drive my mum's shopping round to her. And for the first time in 3 weeks... I have had some caffeinated tea!! I'm sure you are as thrilled as I am lol. Only because I have run out of decaffeinated tea.. apart from flowery ones and rooibos etc. I love my cup of tea, it's the best thing, the soother of all anxiety and comfort. Anyway, I'm sure you are not interested in my personal preferences.

I've been looking at some blogs on here, collecting a few lovely ones to pop up on my feed.... if that is the right word. It is so lovely to start from scratch, as the bickering on Facebook has so got me down and even though things interest me and I am engaged with the world, all the bitterness and conspiracy theorists and anti this and anti that, name calling and bickering. They still shout out at you. Well I'm not up for it right now. So this is my healing place. I love the Tumblr strapline of "Culture, art and chaos". My dad, who worked in the theatre, said that culture is what gets you through life safely. An appreciation of beauty and the arts is essential to enable you to get you to the end of your life with frequent food for your soul. Certainly for me, they take me to a better place, an escape, to calm and soothe me in this troubled time. Music, theatre, books and art. So I will find those things on here. Things to make me laugh, and love. Politics and views on the current ermmm situation.. are banned from my Tumblr.

Most days, if I feel ok at 7 am, I go out for a walk with my crazy Springer Maisie. I love her so much. I have had her since December 2018, a week before Christmas. She was the best present. She is a rescue dog and arrived in a transit van in Somerset having come on a ferry from Ireland and was driven down from Liverpool with several other rescues. I had to keep in touch with the driver by text and she was delivered to me in a garden centre carpark late at night in the dark. I drove her home, all shaky and bewildered. She has been my best mate and constant companion ever since, and was a great source of hilarity and entertainment to my dad, who passed away in January and I had been caring for for the previous two years. She has since then been my greatest comfort as I live alone and company is still rationed. Then the long covid kicked in seriously in June, finally, as I had struggled on on 30% energy since Dad died. I had caught you know what in a supermarket and very horrifyingly passed it to him. I had operated on adrenaline while I was ill and caring for him, having had to still do things for him and fight a need to sleep, and organised and attended his funeral with my sister and son. And other practical necessities. Going back to full time work a week after the funeral, and grief, were not great for my recovery and I totally crashed at the beginning of June, after limping home from Scotland via Manchester to visit my son. I was signed off for 8 weeks minimum, the GP said, as I have not actually recovered. Panic attacks and sleeping in a carpark having come off the M6 in an emergency before I went into shutdown, were an indication that I was damaging myself. I tried to go back to work, but just couldn't get beyond an hour of my working day and couldn't function. So here I am. At home. Forced to stop. I have to accept that thisiswhatitis2021. It will not be the same in 2022 as I am doing all the right things I hope, to get there.

Anyway, back to Maisie. She is 5 and has plenty of energy, which I do not right now as you know. So I am not able to walk her. Before I was ill I loved to go off for a long walk, through the Charlcombe valley which is near me, or woods, or even round where I live which is lovely. I could walk into town, then out again on the other side. I have not walked into town since before I was ill, and could not now. But I will again.

So that's it for today. My post endings may well be abrupt as I feel myself come to a standstill. But it's great to chat. I hope you are ok today and that the sun shines wherever you are. Catch up soon.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

I so wanted to write a proper post today, with some background of my experience. But darn it, I woke up with an optical migraine and felt like I was dragging myself out of a pit, to take the dog outside. The swirling shapes didn't last long thank goodness. I was saving my energy this morning to meet a few colleagues at a tea room 10 minutes drive away. The plan was to drive there, park, go in and chat for an hour and eat cake. Then come home. Not much really!! My dog has gone for a walk with Ed. And is happy. So that's all I needed to think about. But have had to cancel. Oh goodness. Disappointed to say the least. So I'm home, listening to the radio. It's ok. I'm sticking with the programme, I will get better.

Positive thing today... I am listening to Radio 4 and able to concentrate for longer than half an hour on the spoken word. :)

Writing is my thing. I write long rambly posts on FB quite often, then delete them. I don't want to do that so much, so started this blog. But not able to write the long rambly posts so often after all.... anywhere. For now.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

Finally, I'm getting round to posting my first piece of writing. I suppose it is to be expected. I cannot plan for anything as every day brings a complete unknown in the way of energy.

I absolutely do not want this blog to be any 'sorry for myself' kind of emotional outpouring, and depressing to read. It is a journal, like the journals that people used to write, in lovely notebooks with a key. But not locked of course. That's ok, I don't mind. Books are the same; people write books and people read them. Books are as freely available in bookshops. In fact more so, as there is no membership of bookshops required or vetting of readers. No questions asked by the assistant in Waterstones if you want to buy a book on any subject, to see if you are suitable and respectable enough to buy it. It's just a bit more effort to go to town and go to the shop, buy the book, go home, make a cup of tea and sit down to read it. Although you can buy also buy a book online nowadays of course, or even read one. And as instantly, anyone can write and read a blog on a phone.

A blog is the only way I can think of, that I can actually do, to record the information as requested by the long covid clinic. I'm not even after 'followers' to be honest, as really it's like a scrapbook, something creative for me to do and enjoy, that I can add photos to, and other lovely things perhaps. Pretty to look at maybe, if I can figure out how to do that. If anyone wants to look too, they are very welcome. Though I can't imagine it will be that interesting. Not sure what hashtags to put, or how people find each other really on Tumblr. It's all new to me. I can't read long things online myself at the moment, but maybe one day I will follow some blogs myself. I will have to come back to things throughout the day, or even over several days to edit. But that's ok too. There is no one to answer to or give me their opinion. And I will have no idea who reads it.

A diary was requested by the Long covid clinic adviser, (an Occupational therapist called Christine, who was really kind) during my initial appointment on June 24th. That was over a month ago. I instantly ordered a lovely notebook to do it. "I can do that", I thought, relieved to finally be able to do something to help myself. But have not written one word in it. Unbelievably that is too much effort. So then I thought of a blog, to just do on my phone. But I just have not been able to get that together either, to a) read the instructions on how to create a blog, and b) write anything, until Friday (4 days ago) when my son set this Tumblr blog up for me. This is the first day I have felt able to write anything. It seems a bit strange to ask for a diary, of someone who has difficulty thinking and committing themselves to tasks because they have energy, focus and thinking problems. But hey, finally, here it is. I can't look at a computer screen for longer than half an hour on most days before feeling scrunched up inside my head, so that seemed the best way forward. I can just sit on the sofa and at least write a few lines to say how that day has been. And edit and add to it at intervals. And if my eyes aren't sore, then something a bit longer on my laptop. Then there will be a record for the long covid people. Or at something I can refer to to remind myself, when I eventually have the appointment. This is, to be honest, something patients are getting on with themselves. Self management. I'm on a mission to recovery. It will also be something I can look back on when I am better.

So here I am. And hello to anyone reading this. This is a better day. I have had 3 lying on the sofa and doing zero. Therefore I am feeling pretty good today as that is how it works apparently, I have been told. You have to wait to recover from the most gentle activity which if I was well, would be no problem at all, and perhaps one in a series of activities as I like to do stuff.

But now I have to pace myself. Where are the emoticons on here? Rolling eyes emoticon to be inserted here when I can find them. This is tricky as I am a very usually a very active busy and rushing about kind of person. I have not had to take my dog Maisie out today as Ed the Borrowmydoggy walker has taken her for a walk, and I have not used up much energy at all. I'm saving up my bank of energy for hopefully meeting some colleagues for tea and cake tomorrow afternoon. I'm so hoping I will feel up for it. I really miss work, and a sense of routine and normality, and daily contact. And a sense of purpose. I love my job. Tomorrow would be the first time I have been away from out of my local area for two weeks. And it's only 10 minutes away. I'm nervous though as last Friday I met 2 friends in a local pub for 1 1/2 hours for lunch and it took 3 days to recover. It took about 6 minutes to walk there. I had lunch with them which was really lovely. I walked the 6 minutes home and picked up Maisie and walked her round the block. My legs felt like lead and it was really hard work but I needed to. She needed to have a walk. I then saw another friend in my other local's garden which I walked past and went and sat with her for half an hour. That wasn't essential I know, but I wanted to. I live on my own you see, and with feeling so poorly, can get quite down if I don't see or speak to anyone for a day or two. That was all I did. Less than two hours activity. But it completely knocked me out for the rest of the day. And the next. I could not think. I could not watch tv or listen to audio speech. My mind was completely still and I lay still on the sofa, staring, listening to sounds on the Calm app. I felt very depressed. The day after that was marginally better. I could watch 30 minutes of tv, but then my brain started to feel scrunched up inside after that, with the concentration and I had to switch it off. The TV that is, not my brain. That was already off.

Anyway. That is nearly all I can write today. That's what happens. I hit a wall and know I will come to a stop in few minutes and need to close my eyes. I have a few sleeps a day. There is loads to say, But I will write a bit more tomorrow.

As far as today is concerned, it is ok so far. A bit better than yesterday. I will rest now and listen to the radio for a bit. Maybe watch a bit of tv later. I think I'll be able to manage an hour or so today. Feeling more cheery. I did some meditations on Calm this morning. Mindfulness. Being on my own and having noone to talk to, the grief of missing my dad who passed away in January, my health weighing me down, and thinking of my future can feel a bit overwhelming sometimes. I have always been someone who doesn't bottle things up, and expresses myself.. can say how I'm feeling and says what I think. So it's helping.

I am a glass half full person though, so this blog isn't going to be all gloomy. And I still have my sense of humour. So catch you tomorrow.

Take good care.

[thisisthewayitis2021]

First Blog Post

Hi,

This is the start of my blogging journey for Long Covid