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Tom gave him the space he seemed to need while talking, while still leaving his hand pressed to Rémy’s shoulder, making patterns there to distract him from the pressure he’d be feeling against his head, eyes and lungs. Crying this hard physically hurt and he wanted Rémy to feel some form of relief. He hoped talking about this would help him feel that later, rather than the despair he was feeling now.

He grabbed hold of Rémy firmer when he started telling him how he couldn’t go on. He pulled his face against his neck, holding him tightly, moving his hand over Rémy’s back. “Shh,” he said, trying to calm Rémy down. “You’re doing great, okay? You’re telling me all these things you don’t talk about. That’s really brave.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Rémy’s head almost automatically. He knew how to comfort someone and he wasn’t going to hold back in that.

“You can stop talking if you can’t do it anymore, okay?” he asked, holding him close. “But please continue if you think you can. Then everything’s said and we can try to move on from this and figure out what to do next. Does that sound okay?”

For a Friend

The words made it more difficult and they didn’t ease the need to hold himself together. It was as though he was constantly telling himself that he had no right to cry in front of somebody else like this, over this situation. He felt too guilty to, and he was afraid that he would forget who or what this was actually about. “I don’t want to…” He said, but he cried out as his shoulders involuntarily started to shake. He’d felt cold with nerves, with the feelings, but now he was taken away by the current he’d been fighting against all this time. “God damnit.”

He buried his face in hands as he tried to stop doing this, but the tears kept coming and his jaw kept hurting. His emotions were running him over, and he was too tired to keep up with it. His legs couldn’t run forever. “Well…” He tried, swallowing as he looked back up. He was avoiding Tom’s gaze. He didn’t even want to feel his hand on his shoulder anymore. He just wanted to fall asleep and wake up tomorrow to live a day in a life that didn’t involve this– and never would. “Not my dad. I mean, yeah..”

He had to keep speaking though, didn’t he? He couldn’t leave it here because what had already been said wasn’t true. It didn’t end there. “He did use her, in a way. Like. he controlled her, but he didn’t…” He was losing it completely and there was nothing he could change about it. He’d have to let it happen. he’d have to drown in it until his lungs would be able to fill themselves with air again. “He didn’t rape her. It didn’t happen. He just let his friends do it, but that’s what she told me.. I just found her when she was bruised and passed out.. I thought he’d done it, but he was drunk and passed out on the couch when I came back, so I took her to Louis and booked us a flight and I hoped it would work out, but it was too late… It was way too fucking late.”

He was speaking too fast and his voice was too panicked, but he didn’t stop crying and he didn’t stop shaking. There was too much going on at once and he wanted it to stop. He wanted it quiet and slow, and fast-paced when he wanted it to be. Though not like this. Never like this. “I can’t do this, Tom. I can’t do it.”

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amazing navy coat

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[text] :) you’re so silly

[text] I’m guessing the green socks with sunglasses on them are yours? Or has a strange person crept into my house and left some breadcrumbs?

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[text] I’m guessing the green socks with sunglasses on them are yours? Or has a strange person crept into my house and left some breadcrumbs?

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Tom bit his lower lip. He felt sorry for how much difficulty Rémy had to keep himself together, but then it was more because he thought that he needed to. Why couldn’t he just cry his eyes out and say what was worrying him? When had that stopped happening? “Why do you find it so hard to talk about this, or let your emotions go?” he asked. “I don’t care whether your voice breaks, or you can’t stop crying. It’s okay. This isn’t weird, this is just human. You don’t have to pretend that bad things don’t happen to you, because you’re somehow strong enough to face it all. Nobody is. So just let it go, okay?” His hand moved from Rémy’s hand to his shoulder, caressing it to try to comfort him to the point that he didn’t feel like he needed to keep it in, but he didn’t know whether that was going to happen, or whether Rémy was going to keep fighting it.

“When you say he loved your sister like he loved your mother, what does that mean? What did he do to her?” He bit his lower lip shortly. “You said something about his friends with filthy hands-- Do you mean to say that your sister’s been used and abused like that, by your dad, by his friends?” He’d heard it all of course and these things didn’t necessarily surprise or shock him. He knew it happened and it would be ridiculous to react with shock rather than actually trying to be helpful. This wasn’t Tom’s drama, this was Rémy’s and his sister’s.

For a Friend

The reassurance in Tom’s voice almost made his emotions feel unbearable. He started to laugh because of how much he didn’t want to cry, but it was inevitable. He’d done well, but he’d been too late to do well too. “She’s…” He tried to talk, but his throat was hurting from the sour taste he’d gotten from holding back and clenching his jaw. “She’s okay, yeah… But I was too late. I know it’s stupid to say that I should have done it differently, but I should have. I shouldn’t have waited for it to get worse like I did, because now I feel like I wouldn’t have needed to do well if I just… If I had been there more, with her, and with him.”

The question made him shiver as it was hard to come up with an answer that would make it sound like it made sense. It did, to him, but he never knew how anyone else thought about it. “It’s probably stupid, and maybe I’ve thought too much about it…” He excused himself, wiping at his eyes to stop his eyes from tearing and swallowing to stop his voice from breaking. “But he loves her, like he loved my mother… And he never got over it, and he kept bringing it up like he wanted to find someone to blame for it… And that someone was usually me because he already hated me, so why not?” He paused for a second and took a deep breath, looking at Tom as he spoke now. “But he’s terrifying… He’s the worst person I’ve ever met, or seen, or even heard about, and I’m scared of what he’ll do when he finds out I’ve been coming to Paris every few months, when he finds me… It doesn’t feel like home if it scares me that much.”

He sat back in his couch, pressing his sleeves into his eyes for as long as it would take to make the crying stop. “I want him to have no fucking clue where she is, so he can never– in his miserable fucking life– find her again. Cause… – I just… I don’t know, but I can’t…– I can’t move back until he’s dead or locked up.”

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Tom nodded, squeezing Rémy’s hand in his whenever he seemed to struggle with what he was saying, but he was telling Tom a lot. The stories rolled out with much less difficulty than before and Tom was glad about that. “She’s safe,” he then told Rémy. “You have contact with her, she knows how to let you know when she needs you... You’ve done a great job. She might not be the happiest she can be and I don’t doubt she’s got as many problems as you do, but everyone deals with them differently. She’s safe, okay?” He squeezed Rémy’s hand again, trying to make eye contact. “It could have been different, I’m sure. You took the responsibility to get her out there, to get yourself out there.”

He cleared his throat. “Louis told me, when Gary and I were in Paris, that you could never be in Paris for long,” Tom said. “Why is that? Why can’t you move back?”

He wanted to know as much as he could. He wanted Rémy to keep speaking so he wouldn’t have to get the courage to start all over again. He was doing well, especially considering Rémy hadn’t talked like this in years.

For a Friend

He had trouble swallowing, and he wasn’t breathing properly either. He was holding back so much of his emotions  with so much needed effort that he completely forgot how to do anything else. He wiped his eyes with his sleeves, though he took the pack of tissues after. He didn’t feel weak, or dumb because he was crying while simultaneously trying not to… He just felt horrible, as though everything was happening all over again but worse because he now knew how to process the images properly. Everything back then had happened in a blur, but it was happening again now, and the memories were clear and visible in front of him.

“She couldn’t deal with it.” He then said, taking a tissue out of the pack and holding it close to his mouth. He didn’t know what else to do with it at the moment, but it felt like comfort.   “But she’s getting a lot better now, she tells me. I mean, she e-mails me to let me know how she is and sometimes she tells me about what happened.

"We spent a lot of time trying to get her help, and trying to find methods to help her cope with everything a little bit better, but it was very difficult in America. I had a lot of help with everything, because I realised immediately after that it had been way too reckless to move so far away, even if I felt like there was no other option.” He took a deep breath and tried to get a little bit calmer. “She asked me to leave one time, because she knew that I couldn’t stand New Orleans and that I felt haunted and alone all the time… But also, she said that it would help her figure out how to finally get a life of her own since she had never had that before. Maybe that doesn’t sound all too smart of me to you, but it’s all I could have done for her because it began to feel like we were choking each other and there was no way out.

"She stays in the same building as a friend of mine, who helped us when we first came there and basically did everything for us… He looks out for her now and tells me when she’s not alright or when she needs me, but she’s mostly alright now…  She works at a small shop about twenty hours a week and she pays for most of what she needs that way, while I pay for the rest.”

He looked towards Tom and tried to get his breathing back under control. He still felt like he was close to breaking out in panic again, but the hand in Tom’s hand certainly helped him feel like he wasn’t alone. Not with the baby, and not in general. “I can’t make that mistake again, because… Fixing it.. Trying to fix it like we are now, is the hardest thing I ever needed to do.”

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Tom grinned and tossed his trousers aside. “Good, I’m doing my best...” He moved a bit closer to Louis again, moving his fingernails down his inner thighs to get him to shudder, before resting his hand on Louis’ crotch when he got there. He didn’t put too much pressure, not wanting to give him too much just yet. But he wanted to feel his size, feel how aroused he was.

“Undress for me. Take everything off.” He looked into Louis’ eyes, a grin no longer on his face. Instead, a look of utter desire had taken it’s place. “Do it slowly.”

Flirtatious

He suddenly felt the need to tell Tom just how hot this all was, but he wouldn’t do that. He might have started to feel very desperate again, but he wasn’t going to be vocal about it. That’d be ridiculous. He grinned at Tom instead, especially when he was taking his ow trousers off as well. They were getting naked, and Louis couldn’t quite believe how incredibly aroused he felt. 

“You’re… Well, you’re looking fucking incredible right now.” Louis said, looking straight into his eyes when he got the opportunity. “Make me.. I don’t know.. Make me feel something.”

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Tom grinned, pulling his trousers further down his legs until they were off and then he discarded them on the floor. Would he play this risky, doing it to himself, or probably give Louis so much pleasure that he came right away? Maybe he shouldn’t make this decision, maybe Louis should.

He grinned and straightened his back out, moving his hands to his own trousers now, looking into Louis’ eyes. He slowly pushed his trousers down his legs-- most people agreed he had a great ass and very nice legs-- not even for a single moment looking away from Louis.

Flirtatious

Louis loved how they were talking in between everything. This wasn’t going to be something either of them would be willing to forget any time soon, if at all— ever. All of it was making him grin from ear to ear, but he was aroused beyond belief. He wasn’t sure if he had felt it quite like this in a very long time. 

He gasped when Tom was back on top of him again, and even more when he felt him pulling at his trousers. “Holy shit…” He groaned, looking at Tom when he was finished doing so and he was suddenly getting painfully turned on by the fact that Tom was actually undressing him now. “I don’t give a fuck, just show me.”

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Tom groaned when Louis put it down on his stomach and he raised his eyebrows at Louis, as if to ask him what he was trying to achieve with this. It turned him on more.

“You want me to show you by demonstrating how I use it, or you want me to show you?” he asked, moving to grab it and switch it off, before grabbing hold of Louis’ waist suddenly. He was small, light and without much trouble he managed to toss him off him sideways onto the bed, exactly where he wanted him, before climbing on top of him, moving his hands to his trousers.

“Either way, I really don’t mind. I’m not shy.” He winked then, slowly undoing Louis’ trousers and pulling them down his legs.

Flirtatious

He looked for the purple vibrator and took it out, along with a few condoms and a bottle of lube. He grinned towards it, but then put them on the bed next to Tom. He sat back down like he had before, finding it both comfortable and fucking hot that he could do it quite like that. 

He looked at the vibrator and turned it on as he grinned, putting it down on Tom’s stomach without really moving it. He was shifting against him to sit more comfortably, but he wasn’t trying to hold himself back as he did that. He moved against Tom’s crotch, grinning down at him. 

He didn’t do this with Rémy, because the circumstances had been different when they were together. After that it had been even more difficult because they’d hardly seen each other over the past couple of years. “Not important,” he told Tom, letting him know that he didn’t really want to talk about that right now. “But I’d love for you to show me how you prefer to use them.”

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Tom snorted at the joke. It felt like he was drunk, but he wasn’t at all. He was just... high on being so fucking aroused.

“What’s my favourite? You think I’m going to tell you?” His eyebrows rose, but he grinned nonetheless. At the moment it was probably the fairly new purple vibrator. “The purple one.” Every birthday he got a range of sex toys from Gary-- it was tradition-- so his nightstand only really contained their favourites, enough condoms for a lifetime and lube.

“You use a lot of toys, with Rémy?” He always thought it made it more exciting.

Flirtatious

He grinned and got off him again, enjoying every single second of it— them together. It was even more fun, and even hotter than he imagined when he thought about it when he’d been in bed next to Rémy, wrapped up in his arms when he was naked and already satisfied. He hadn’t even been sure what about it had made it so hot to think about, yet even hotter to actually experience. 

He grabbed the key and opened the nightstand. “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” Louis snorted, rolling his eyes at his own joke before he continued. “I’m trying to get to know you, really. What’s your favourite?”

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Tom looked up at him, moving his hand to Louis’ hip to feel the way he was moving them against him in more ways than just one.

His eyes shut at the feeling and he found it hard not to let out noises now Louis was creating friction between them. His stomach was turning just thinking about what it was going to feel like when they were both naked.

When he was spoken to, his eyes opened and he grinned, nodding to the nightstand. “There’s everything you can possibly imagine. Adult candy land, basically.” He leaned back on his elbows. “Key’s in the box on top.”

He looked into Louis’ eyes, not being able to stop grinning. He was so fucking aroused and excited to find out how else the night was going to continue. “What are you looking for?” he asked cheekily, trying to get an idea of what Louis wanted.

Flirtatious

He looked at Tom as he sat down on the bed and Louis immediately moved closer to him. He wanted to get on top of him, reversing the roles from before only so they’d both be experiencing each other in every possible way. 

He straddled him again and looked down at him, rocking his hips into Tom’s and pressing his forehead against his. Louis almost kissed him, but he contained himself, just watching him as he tried to get a reaction out of him. He was just breathing, heavily and breathlessly, feeling so aroused that he almost didn’t know what to do anymore. “So…” He spoke out, whispering. “Those attributes you were talking about…”

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Tom got up from the settee after Louis and held his hand in a tight grip, leading him towards stairs on the other side of the room.

Once upstairs, he crossed the hallway and lead Louis through the door to his bed, which stood against the left wall in his bedroom. He turned around to Louis and grinned a little, before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, letting Louis’ hand go in the process and like this giving him the opportunity to ‘take the lead’.

Flirtatious

He liked sitting in that position with practically anyone, but seeing as Tom had been on top of him only seconds ago, this only made their situation together a lot hotter. Louis didn’t have to get off him immediately now, even though he wanted to, even though he was as aroused as he was and Tom didn’t want to have sex on the settee with him— or anyone. 

He looked down at him, and before he got off of him, he messed up his hair a bit with a small smile on his face. “Yeah. Let’s go.” he grinned, taking a hold of Tom’s hand as he didn’t want to let go of him at the moment at all. 

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Tom’s eyebrows raised and he leaned back a little, his hands moving to Louis’ thighs while they were still wrapped around is body. He squeezed them, though not yet too firmly. He wanted to explore him slowly, carefully and roughly, but one thing at a time. He wanted to make that last.

He reached out to grab hold of Louis, pulling him upright on the settee too, so he’d be straddling Tom’s lap. He grinned only wider and ran his fingers through Louis’ hair, pulling him closer to kiss him softly. “Let’s go.” He whispered, his hand moving down to Louis’ thigh to pat it softly, telling him to stand up so Tom could lead the way upstairs.

Flirtatious

He took some time to get used to the feeling of having his hands free, so he didn’t move them for as long as he could handle that. As soon as he felt like he could, though, he moved his hand to the side of Tom’s face and he held him there. His other hand moved down Tom’s back, lifting up his shirt and feeling his skin. He kissed him like he was being kissed, pushing his body into Tom’s when he felt the opportunity. 

He rested his cheek against Tom’s head when he moved to kiss his neck, wrapping his legs around his body for a moment until he laughed. “Boring.” He said, but he didn’t actually mean that. He let go of the other and used his elbows to sit up a bit, looking into Tom’s eyes before he moved up to kiss him again, softly this time. “I might be interested, yes. You should definitely consider getting off me so we can move… To your bed.” He grinned at him, realising this wasn’t just hot and sexy, but also very fucking fun. 

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He stifled a moan when their bodies connected and the way Louis’ hips had moved up to meet his body made his stomach turn desperately. He wanted him, but he didn’t want to rush it. He didn’t want to undress, fuck and be done, he wanted this to go on and on.

He kissed Louis passionately, showing him how much he desired him, how much he wanted to feel his body move up against him like that and when he finally moved back from the kiss, he let go of Louis’ wrists too, letting him respond to Tom, letting him touch him. This was no powerplay about who was in charge, who was leading, who was dominant, this was simply them doing what they wanted to do to one another and it felt... it felt so hot.

His body was warming up, becoming aroused from these touches, the way all of this was new and exciting. He wanted to explore Louis and he wanted to be explored.

He nuzzled Louis’ neck then, kissing his skin softly. “I have a rule...” he then said, snickering softly. “It’s a house rule, and it’s a ‘no sex on the settee’ rule.” He moved back, looking down at Louis with a grin on his face. “In addition to that, I have a lot of... attributes upstairs in my nightstand, if you’re interested.”

Flirtatious

He felt like he needed to do something when his hands were being pinned down, but he didn’t want to. This wasn’t about strength or weakness, or about dominance or submission. This was about how much he’d let Tom do, and about how much Tom wanted to do himself. It had nothing to do with power, it had to do with them, exactly as they were together. 

However, it seemed like he was fighting it somehow. That wasn’t because he wanted Tom to release him, or because he wanted to regain some power over the situation, but because of how fucking unfair the touches suddenly felt. Louis couldn’t control himself, and even though there wasn’t much he could do, he tried his hardest to find a way to make the kisses last longer. He pushed up his hips when he could, so slightly that he wasn’t even sure whether or not Tom could feel him do it. Their bodies weren’t pressed against each other, so how could Louis possibly make him feel much more than what Tom was making him feel?

He stopped doing that when he could finally open his mouth, sticking his tongue out to let it meet with Tom’s. He pushed against the grip around his wrists, feeling a strong desire to touch Tom’s body, to pull him in much closer. They were too fucking far away from each other, and the noise that escaped from his mouth when he lost the contact with Tom’s tongue was proof of how much he needed more. 

 “Fuck…” He hissed, opening his eyes to look at Tom while his lips were still on his, not doing anything for way too long. Though then it happened, and Louis pushed his hips up again, trying to move with Tom to make him feel that experience of his that Tom had asked about. He wanted more, so much fucking more, but all Louis could do now was kiss him as nicely as he could manage, even if only to convince him that he needed to stay close to him now, that he’d regret moving away. He fucking was desperate for it.