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I’ve been told
that people in the army
do more by 7:00 am
than I do
in an entire day
But if I wake
at 6:59 am
and turn to you
to trace the outline of your lips
with mine
I will have done enough
and killed no one
in the process.
SHANE KOYCZAN || 6:59 am
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Hi, I’m gonna try to write again. In my last post I said I was going to write regularly but it doesn’t work. Today i’m a little inspired because i’m not good. Maybe all the people are more probably to write things when they doesn’t feels good. So, i’m going to tell why i don’t feel good. It will sounds too normal but I think is the first time i feel my broken heart ): i had a relation about 1.5 years (i know is not so much) but i think is the first love where i think in long-term projects. The breakup was very abrupt so it was a shock to my daily routine. The breakup was 3 weeks ago, since that day we don’t talk again. It is the context.I write this because i need to get out of my braind my thoughts and feelings. So...
How i feel about that? The first 2 weeks it was so depressing and i can’t accept it, i was having hope to resolve the things but.. no. Today i’m not so sad, but i’m very anxious and distressed because i’m overthinking too much. I know is part of the process but i never feel this before, i had another relationships but when this relationships finished i feel totally different about how i feel now. I think this relation was more ‘mature love’ (maybe) and for this reason i’m feeling this way. I’m trying to do new thing and keep my mind busy, but in another hand, i think this is a way to escape from something that i should face. I think i have to face my feeling (bad or good) beacause is part of the process. I’m trying to forget but is very difficult, maybe is too early (it was only 3 weeks ago) how much time it takes? part of me wants to forget and other part doesn’t want it. I’m feeling the typical things that people feels when had a breakup, like ‘i think i’m not be able to fall in love with another person again’ , it sounds funny because if a friend tells me something like that probably i will say ‘don’t worry, something better always come’ but today, i’m feeling like ‘i’m not be able to fall in love like i used to do with this person’ and no advice can me think different, funny but sad. I don’t know what else write, my feelings can be summarized in: overthinking, distressed, unmotivated and lonely. I know it is the perfect time to ‘know myself’, ‘learn to be with myself’, ‘do new things’, etc, but i have no motivation and i have the hope (yet) that the other person come back, but i know it doesn’t going to happen, and maybe, this thought is stoping my process. I will work in this, i hope in 2 weeks i feel better. I shall.
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