threebabies

[threebabies]

One day you sit in the sun and you are in awe of how far you have come. All you ever wanted is yours. All the things you dreamed of are reality. All the people you read about are in your life. You are living the life that you only knew from books, from movies and from art. You are drinking wine with people under the stars. People who understand you, without saying a word. People who make you feel so alive that you forget that you ever wanted to die. And one day, you are at peace with yourself. With your mistakes, with your regrets, with your bad habits. And you are the best version of yourself, happy, glowing, learning. Dancing through all the chaos. You are not affected by other peoples perception of you. You are not defined by others peoples opinions. You are yourself. Without any apologies. You are visiting flowermarkets, coffee shops and bookshops in beautiful cities. You meet strangers who tell you stories about life, love and loss. The books whisper that there are stories waiting for you everywhere. You taste happiness on your lips and you see the stars in other peoples eyes. They remind you what it feels like to be alive. That your heart is beating. They kiss your troubles away, even if just for a moment. They show you books and art and music and they wrap their arms around you and make you feel at home. The home you have been looking for all your life. And suddenly, the future is full of possibilities. Full of promises. And the present is dreamy and it is beautiful and it is real. The sadness still lingers in the corners of your mind. But it does not hurt anymore, not as much. It is a fleeting feeling, a bittersweet one. Always reminding you of your past. But now, in this very moment you are at ease and there is nothing more beautiful than that.

[threebabies]

I like bares faces and imperfections. I like genuine laughter and gentle smiles. I like morning voices and messy hair. I like honesty and deep conversations. I like the way people look when they are lost in thought. Or reading, completely lost in another world. I like people who are trying. Who are not afraid to admit that they are not perfect.

[threebabies]

Ch'ang Ch'u Ling, translated by Kenneth Rexroth, from a poem titled "Since You Left,"

[threebabies]

Apricot Lamb Dragon Rattles

[threebabies]

[threebabies]

Do you ever wish for love? I’ve endured similar abuse to yours (didn’t happen for as long) and I feel broken, for longing to be loved by someone romantically but I could never. It is just terrifying to me. The idea of letting someone love me, love my heart. But it makes me feel so st*pid to both wish for it yet fear it so deeply. Do you ever wish you could find love?

Yes, we would love to be loved. Because we have never been loved. But I don‘t know if it‘s possible. ❤️‍🩹

[threebabies]

we were friends for a little while and then I messed it all up because i’m a crazy weirdo but I miss you so much, you were so much fun to talk to, you made me so very happy. I miss you a lot. I hope you are reclaiming your life and healing, you beautiful soul.

Thank you, just message us again!! ❤️

[threebabies]

I want you guys to know that it’s not true when people tell you that you “can never” live a normal life. I assure you. At the risk of being a bit too personal—I am a 48 year old woman, and I went through what you all did. My parents did what yours did, constantly, until I was able to run away at 17. For the next 12 years I too was a “permanent” resident at a psychiatric hospital quite far away from my abusers. Every day I was told to get used to this as my new way of life, that I should just put to rest any idea of a regular life. At 29 I left residency and went to therapy 5 days a week, while living on my own (although I lived in one half of a duplex, so I was never truly alone.) At 34 I proved them all wrong and bought a house, I have a companion and pets and hobbies that I love and can do all day long. I may even go back to study history at uni. I am truly happy, safe, and free of my shackles. I want you to know, if you all want a “normal” life, it IS possible. It absolutely is. Anything you want. If you want pets and a home of your own and friendship, you can have it all! Don’t rush towards it, always be kind to yourself, and you can have anything that you want. You have a whole life of happy possibility before you. If you prefer the safety of your current situation, that’s also great! Your choice is your own and I hope you guys grow to love the life you build, no matter what. You are all lovely people with beautiful souls. Sending love and softness your way. Be well.

Thank you so much for being so open and sharing your story, that‘s very brave! I‘m so happy that you live a beautiful life now! You are so strong. ❤️

Sadly we are also severely physically disabled and our life expectancy is not long.

[threebabies]

its been 7 months- i hope everything is okay and that youre doing well/recovering well,, stay safe ❤️❤️

Thank you for checking up on us! We are sadly far away from recovering, because we had to made some huge decisions in life, but we are fighting. Love you! ❤️

[threebabies]

We miss you.

We miss you too!!!

[threebabies]

I hope you guys are still alive. I hope you’re living a beautiful life now.

Hey! We are still alive. We were in 4 different trauma clinics, but they all said our case it‘s too complex. We now have a trauma expert as a therapist and he helps us a lot! Also we sued our father and he was arrested by the police. His image is completely ruined now. He will probably spent the rest of his life in jail. We are in a very dark place mentally, but we have a huge support system of doctors, specialists and friends. We would absolutely love to start posting again and share what happened the past year, but we are too weak atm. But we will do our best to FINALLY come back! Thank you all for all your loving messages and questions. It means so so much to us! We love you all ❤️

[threebabies]

Hey guys!

We are back. I don’t know if we will post regurlary but we want to.

We have been to a trauma clinic but they won’t take us for the second stay because of our seizures. This has been a huge setback and we don’t know what to do anymore. It just hurts too much and we are so lonely.

This blog means the world to us and we are so sorry we suddenly stopped posting. A lot has happened in our life. But we are mostly hurting beyond belief. We don’t feel understood. As I sit here typing this I‘m crying and the tears roll down my face. I just want this pain to end, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Thank you for being so supportive and sending us messages even though we haven’t posted in months. You guys mean the world to us.

We will try to post again, we love this blog and it just means so much to us.

Sending love,

S & co

[threebabies]

im glad to see you guys posting again tbh i was kinda worried

Thank you so much, that means a lot to us! We often times feel like nobody cares at all.

[threebabies]

we miss you guys :(

We are back! We missed you guys too!

[threebabies]

i hope you are doing okay :)

Thank you for your message, we just in a very dark place mentally.

[threebabies]

Hey you guys are back! I'm glad, I hope things are improving for you or if not that you can use tumblr as a escape again

Yes, thank you! We are currently inpatient but it really helps us to get some rest. Soon another year has passed and it still hurts like yesterday. That‘s also a reason why we are in the hospital. They want to make sure we are safe on that day.

[threebabies]

apologies // 10.16.2019