threespayedfemales-blog

[threespayedfemales-blog]

drumpf is so freaking good at distracting us from the real shit he’s up to. like passing a tax bill that is paid for gutting medicare and medicaid. taking money from poor people to give it to billionaires. i keep asking myself how they can do this. don’t they have any empathy at all? and they don’t. they don’t care about anyone but themselves and other rich people.

and the democrats do care about this but they are completely ineffective against the super-rich and their evil tactics. and the Base drinks the koolaid that tax cuts for the rich will mean more money trickling down to them. which had been proved not to be true. but the base gets all of it’s information on facebook and fox and anything that tells the truth about drumpf and the white house is Fake News.

how are we supposed to service this. i have medicare and i’m lucky enough for have a nest egg but i am 65 and it has to last me for the rest of my life and will disappear quickly if i have no health coverage for mental health treatment and drugs and more.

at this point i am so scared and depressed that we have and will lost everything that matters to people who don’t have money.

i am pretty much just waiting to die.

newest bullshit is drumpf wanting to open the kennedy files. probably mostly to distract us but also to please some of his white supremacists and insane conspiracy theorists.

it’s something new and evil every single day. lying about making phone calls and sending letters to the Gold Star Families. lashing out at the congresswoman who verified his ignorant and means comment to the widow. and of course they are both black.

he cannot stand blacks and/or women and/or any people of color. which is why he won’t help PR which is still without power or water or medical care. it’s vicious ugly and, yes, of course nixon was a racist and probably others too. but this is 2017 and most of us know better.

i feel sick at heart. they are fucking with the 401Ks . it will never end until we are all marching in the street and the militarized police “win” over us and Drumpf can have his dictatorship.

how can this be our country? i have to keep reminding myself that we won the civil war., that slave ownership was ended. and black people eventually were able to vote. which is insane and obscene. and that we have the media and he cannot take this away from us. there are laws thank god. please, god, let him not get the media. i am so frightened and hopeless and full of despair.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

i need to tweet every day. i need to be my own best ally/support person. i’m having severe ptsd. layers and layers of it. i’m a rape -- stranger and acquaintance -- and incest survivor and this fucking weinstein thing is fucking triggering me. so many others too. the women are pouring forward and i’m so very very proud of them and so happy for them to have their experiences validated after all this time of the Great Cover Up which should have have taken place. it lasted for decades and decades. and this is the tip of the iceberg of the abuse that has been perpetrated.

fucking harvey weinstein. my god, what a disgusting evil ugly fat piece of shit. i mean, no woman wants to be greeted by a naked man in a professional setting. not in most settings really. and here is this fat gross pig of a predator/criminal and to be asked or commanded by him to do to anything at all with that body and its appendage, not to mention knowing that your choice there could effect your job in the entertainment industry which you have probably worked very hard just to get your food in the door. and then you are confronted with this! and because no one is talking about this, you are probably feeling like you brought this on yourself or that there is something wrong with you that caused him to approach you in that way. but mostly you are thinking, why didn’t anyone tell me that this could  happen? why didn’t other women tell me? who can i talk to? how can i avoid losing my job. for the early women, there probably wasn’t even an HR department or any laws that addressed this. but the worst thing was that he was so powerful, the he could get you fired, that he could probably prevent you from working in the field. you love so much.

so many or most of you acquies don’t have any support, anyone in your corner who is telling you the truth. so give this gorgon a blow job or you let him have intercourse with you -- which of course is rape. i’m so hoping that some of these actions are within the statute of limitations. it would be so great, so satisfying, so healing. but for now he’s supposed to be in rehab making excuses for what he did and why and wants to get his job back. so we have to deal with this fucking asswipe making excuses, having no idea what the effect sexual assault in any form has on woman. the devastating effects. more later.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

i’m concerned that i might be in the early stages of alzheimers. stupid parking ticket. portland, OR sucks. badly. breast cancer. my fabulous canine and feline- americans. and drumpf doing awful disgusting things every single day. my obsessive viewing of MSNBC because i need the antidote of hearing about mueller and the russia investigation to keep me going.

it’s very scary. i went to the health clinic i always go to and when i went to my car, i had a parking ticket for putting the, shit, can’t remember what it’s called. maybe it’s called a ticket to. but it’s the thing you put in the window to show that you’ve paid and to know what time it expires. well, i put it on the wrong side of the car. which i never do. i always leave it on the curb side. but i didn’t do that and came back to find a freaking ticket for this very action. this is such bullshit and this is such a fucked up city. well, it’s not a city really. it’s a big town. where, apparently, meter maids can’t walk around the automobile to view the ticket. and they freaking charge $44!!!

not to mention that you used to be able to park for 3 hours. which was great. but they have changed it to 2 hours because they are so greedy for money or so broke. but it’s also bullshit. and causes me a huge amount of additional stress when i am already agoraphobic. which means that i have severe anxiety and panic.

so that happened but then things got really scary. i paid for a new ticket and put it on the side that borders the curb. and i headed up the street to the coffee shop and to visit a few stores where they have dog treats. for my delightful and adorable senior service dog cocoa chanel. she know every place that has treats, even the ones that don’t carry them anymore. she will pull away and go behind the counter and sit and wait for the biscuit. very patiently.

okay, so the streets in this part of portland are alphabetical. the one near the clinic is couch and the cross street is 9th avenue. so i started out at couch and 8th. and i thought that cc and i took our usual route, visiting various stores and shopping a little bit and walking up and down the streets. i expected that i would end back at couch and 8th or 9th or davis and 8th or 9th. well, i ended up in an area that is not familiar to me. i had no idea where i was. and i thought my car had been stolen because there were so few of them parked around there. when i finally looked at the signs, i found out that i was at glisan and 9th. so i had unknowingly traveled the several blocks from couch to glisan. luckily i was still at the my regular cross street. but i was so disoriented because i had no idea how i had ended up so far from where i parked. normally i am kind of a human GPS with a great sense of direction. so this was terrifying.

but i found my car and went home with no problems. in the weeks since then, i have twice parked in handicapped spaces. which i have never ever done. i left my car and went shopping and came back to find the driver’s side door wide open. thank god that the area where i live is kind of affluent. well, some of it is. i live in subsidized senior housing and there are a lot of apartment complexes that are the market rate and some other subsidized ones.

basically, i am kind of terrified by these recent developments. i have always been what my late husband called a Walking CPU. so it’s extremely disturbing to have a thought and then draw a complete blank and mentally reach out to get back this information. i’m 65 so i’m hoping that this is just a normal amount of memory loss and not dementia or alzheimers. but i am really scared. i don’t have anyone who would take care of me if this turns out to be that fatal disease.

wow,. hey, i just remembered something that is comforting. when i was in my thirties and extremely distressed by living in San Francisco which is gorgeous but kind of overwhelming city to live in working at one of the large accounting firms and trying to balance this with a busy social life. but i had 2 car crashes in the space of 2 months. not the norm for me. at all. and several times i went to the ATM and left without my money. of course it was always gone when i raced back to retrieve it. and losing 20 dollars 3 or 4 times was not something that worked with my budget.

okay, this is very comforting. that this might be caused by great stress in my life. caused by the grotesque political situation with Drumpf/Agent Orange doing one terrible and /or disgusting thing. every single day. there is no respite from the evil that he perpetrates. and i am a tv addict anyway so now i watch msnbc obsessively because the only thing that keeps me going is the Russia thing and how miserable that makes him and how scared. and nasty. and how great it is when he is called a moron because he is and other not good things.

and i’ve been battling with breast cancer. very very lucky that it was a tiny tiny tumor. caught so early and i only has to have radiation and not chemo. but i finished the treatment and went for a diagnostic mammogram and they found something in the other breast. again, very very small but my doctors are very thorough and caring. so i need to get a biopsy. and i had an appointment and i just didn’t go. i was too freaked out and couldn’t find anyone to go with me. anyone who would give me the level of support i would have needed. well, i always have my wonderpup/senior service dog with me. cocoa chanel. and she is the best company in the western world. maybe in the eastern one too. so she not only helps me get out in to the world. she makes almost every person we encounter so very happy. she is chi/min pin/dachshund. so i call her a chipindox. she’s 13 now and just sweet sweet sweet and affectionate and LOVES people, especially men. she is a huge flirt. she is also beautiful, i’m told. and of course cute. i’m not objective because she’s with me always but very often i lift my head from my laptop or whatever and am just delighted by how lovely and adorable she is.

having pets is like having a stunning piece of Nature in your home. i also have a Kitty. Bobby SEale the Black Panther and i adore him and he can also be very affectionate and even sweet. but he can also be a giant asshole. he does those typical Cat things and likes to walk in between my legs so i have fallen at least twice. thankfully, i have enough of a balance that it’s just on to the couch and is not me hitting the floor and possible having a lot of damaged done. and at my advanced age, falling is a big freaking thing because it’s easy to break a hip or some other major body part.

bobby seale LOVES CC but she’s not crazy about him. and he is so much like a boy in the first grade who likes a girt but has no idea what to do about it so he pulls her hair or bugs her in some other way to show his affection. so BS will leap up on the back of the couch and startle her and sometimes swipe a paw. i’ve heard her scream once in a while. she’s kind of a wuss so she races to the couch where i am and tries to hide behind me or madly pressed against my side.

something that is very sweet: i often wake up to find cc close to my back, kind of spooning me and the kitty is lying very close to her and looking very content. he is just delighted to get to hang out with her and she has no idea that he is doing that.

okay, this is very long. but whatever. i need to be writing. it doesn’t matter what i say. at all. i just need to keep that muscle going and it’s good for my brain and my spirit because it is a kind of mindfulness as is the voracious reading that i do. because i do concentrate almost exclusively on the words and stories and am not plagued with my usual horrible litany of everything that i have ever done that i view as unforgivable or everything that has happened to me, every time i’ve been rejected/shunned because of my bipolar 2 manias and depressions. every negative thing that has ever happened. and it’s a freaking nightmare to live this way. and i take a shitload of meds and go for therapy off and on. it’s so much better than it was but it’s still pretty horrendous and humiliating. so anything that occupies my mind, anything positive. anything that is really a kind of meditation. makes a huge difference in my mental wellbeing.

over and out for now. .

[threespayedfemales-blog]

how the fuck do i delete posts/blogs that now attached to my blog????? where is the help section on here? i was so happy to find this site and now i’m just sick with frustration and disappointed that it’s so hard for someone like me to navigate this fucking site.

how

[threespayedfemales-blog]

what a horrifying day yesterday. impossible to get the mind around it. and i’m with rachel maddow, how the fuck did no one notice this guy lugging a bag full of long guns in to the hotel/casino. how could that not register with someone. but as rachel points out there is always a gun show in las vegas so this have become the norm, for people to walk around with an arsenal. so crazy and ridiculous and evil in far too many cases.

and we still don’t know why this man did this. and why no one on his floor called this in at least when they heard the shots down the hall. but they must have been terrified of having the runs turned on them.

and why, as usual no one took notice of this guy amassing this cache of weapons. and this cowardly sun of a bitch -- Drumpf, this is a fucking son of a bitch. not the NFL players. you never ever ever get it right, you narcissistic piece of shit. he still hasn’t asked for congressional aid for puerto rico!!! or gone there or been any part of the mobileazation of a conscientious compassion expert finally making it to this disaster. and they are now saying that it will take a long time to make any progress there.

and this seriously and horrifyingly shows that Drumpf is even more RAcist than we thought. he helped houston and florida but an island full of latin peoples? no way. he was find to leave them to die. to picked a fight with the major who was so courageous to beg for help, to keep more people from dying. people in the hospitals and nursing homes where there is no electricity and the generators have broken down because they have no fuel. there is no more gas for people to put in their cars and such.

and just before this incident the lovely GOP is trying to legalize silencers so these people might not have heard the sounds and so many more of them would have been killed and injured.

how did we get to this point? where we have a “president” who plays golf while people are dying and does not remotely care about their pain and suffering and he doesn’t even know, because he’s such a completely idiot, that puerto rico is part of the US, that the people in trouble are americans. and i’m sure that no one in his ridiculously inept staff took the time or cared enough to tell him.

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bipolar 2 depression is truly dismal. i haven’t left the house since wednesday. i can barely get out of bed.

it’s so fucking frustrating and scary. i’m on all kinds of meds. i see a therapist. not a great one. well, she’s a lovely person but i need someone who is an expert in something like EFT or EMDR. i need help with the ptsd/trauma shit. and the person who is trained in emdr is not ready to see patients yet. i’m on the list but who knows when things will move along. i even asked if i could be one of her guinea pigs and kristin -- my therapist-- informed me that that is illegal. shit, i wouldn’t tell anyone. i just need some help. some serious help.

this is so unfair to my lovely senior service dog cocoa chanel. she is wee wee pad trained, thank godiverse, and i play all kinds of games with her to give her exercise for her body and her mind -- our favorite is what i call treat and treat. not very original. but we start in the living room and she does her tricks for me -- there are very few because i am not a good trainer and i don’t learn how to do it. i don’t learn how to do anything new. anyway, she does her tricks and i give her a treat and then we walk/run to the bedroom and do the same thing and go back and forth. i swing my arms and lift my knees and a good time is had by all. then i do some of my PT exercises for my lower back and hip and she kisses me.

every day, i am determined to get us out and about and every day, i don’t do it. and i feel so ashamed. i am not suicidal. i would never do that. i would just like to go to sleep, pull a rumplestilskin, and sleep until they know how to repair my brain. or until what they do know is affordable for me. i

[threespayedfemales-blog]

notes from the agoraphobic: this health clusterfuck is exhausting. i live in senior subsidized housing/ heaven. and if they make the planned cuts to medicaid? people in my building will freaking die!!!! thank godiverse for mccain and jimmy kimmel!

and these fucking republicans are for this grotesque bill that is so cruel and inhumane. it’s completely evil. these words don’t even begin to capture what this will do. what it is. and once again they are trying to push it through with no hearings and with no CBO score. i can’t get my mind around mccain being graham’s best friend and his being unable to persuade graham to follow regular order! it’s disheartening especially since mccain is battling brain cancer and has some idea of what it is like to not be able to get health care. him and Jimmy Kimmel who is a Giant Fighter against this travesty. thank you, godiverse, for giving us some hope in such a dark and scary time.

and no women helping to write the bill. this misogyny is getting really creepy. telling female house member to be quiet. especially Kamala Harris who is particularly tough on the people they are questioning. and elizabeth warren? my god, she PERSISTED. and no people of color either because the GOP is a bunch of Racists and cowards who will not speak up and speak truth to power.

shit i’m an old broad of 65 and i can’t freaking figure out so much of the current social media. the emojis, the hashtags, instagram, and especially snapchat. what the fuck is that? there’s something new every day. well, at least i wrote something. onward and upward.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

so pissed off at myself because i made an intention to post every day even if it’s about nothing. but seeing freaking Bannon on charlie rose for a gazillion days in a row is putting me over the edge. & so many great winners at the emmys: donald glover, sterling k. brown, the woman who co-wrote the Thanksgiving ep of Master of None. bad with names but so very cool. oh yes, reza. love that there are so many.

okay, back to crashing over Bannon’s endless presence on Charlie Rose. i mean, What the Freak, man????? i can’t remember any other individual getting this much air play. the brains series of course. that’s about the freaking brain!!!! if anyone reads this by some miracle, someone not in the alt.right, i would love to hear a theory or explanation about this. i watch him every day. and i’m watching nothing of his sections on the show because i get so triggered by that face, by anything he say. and it all sounds the same. everyone is/was terrible except for Drumpf. nationalism is the only solution. everyone must be a citizen in order to have the right to live here. so, of course, the dreamers are out. everything that matters to we Elite is out. which makes sense of course because drumf is a white supremist/racist and had been for years and years. the whole Birther thing which was grotesque and refusing to rent to black people and on and on and on... and i’m preaching to the Converted.

thank god for the comedians because i battle with bipolar disorder with a lots of depression and also trauma so this stuff about sexual assault and every evil things he does, taking away everything that we value, that people need. one good thing. the house voted to keep the NEA and the NHA, protect the Artis which is astounding and life affirming. i don’t need any help with feeling depressed and hopeless. getting triggered by everything he says and does.

the comedians freaking rock.. especially SNL’s sketches and John Oliver and Seth Meyers “A Closer Look” one of them did a it where bannon wears more and more black shirts over each other until he has a little pin head. i’ll try to find the link. keeps me from jumping off the building. kidding, but getting out of bed it really a challenges since November 8th.

i will write another post about the Emmys and what was good this year. lots of comedy that didn’t Land. but that’s par for the course. lots of unexpected winners. and some great speeches. and the fashion rocked big time. i can’t afford any of the stuff i see on tv or on style.com but i love seeing it. and hearing about it.

i wish i knew how to hook up with the other writers. i’m so not good with tech that doing anything other than post is a major challenge for me. i’ll go search the site again.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

so excited. Top of the Lake: China Girl starts tonight. the original is fabulous if you like psychological thrillers like The Fall or Ozark or The Killing or Happy Valley. or Broadchurch. so many great ones. it’s on Sundance tv and plays over 3 days. 2 episodes each night. each chunk is 2 hours and 40 minutes. but if it’s as good as the first one, it will be fun to watch it slowly over time. oh yes, stars Elizabeth Moss. she is outstanding in The Handmaid’s Tale and was also in Mad Men. also Nicole Kidman who is having an exceptionally good year. Big Little Lies looked like a soap but it really was/is not. nicole is superb in her role as a victim -- i prefer survivor -- of domestic abuse. kidman was also in Lion, perfect as always. and the latest Sofia Coppola film. she also directed Lost in Translation and the Virgin Suicides and some other interesting projects. shit, lost a piece of this. the director is the great Jane Campion: the Piano and so many other outstanding pieces.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

i do not normally write about politics. my thang is grim subjects with humor. or i write about the other members of my Interspecies Family/service dogs for invisible disabilities. and/or my basket of mental illnesses that are such a treat. antidotes include Pod Save America, John Oliver, Trevor Noah. shit, need some ladies here. Samantha Bee. will update this because there are soooo many funny funny Gals.

emotional disorders in my basket:lAgoraphobia/AG, bipolar 2, ptsd, a little borderline sneaking in there. and some DID. but i don’t talk about that because it’s controversial and because i don’t even understand it very much and i have these tendencies. basically, instead of one Inner Child, i have a soccer team.

back to watching MSNBC obsessively. it helps me to deal with all this evil bullshit. and i like being up to date on the Russia thing. it’s an antidote along with the ones i mentioned in the Title. and a lot of females staff members on these shows. oh god, Rachel Maddow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s not funny but she is freaking Brilliant, obviously, and helps us connect the dots. and, again, so many many more people and shows. ana marie cox or course. along with Pod Save America/crooked media america and so many other things i can’t remember. i’m 65 and my steel trap memory is now an aluminum sieve.

i haven’t left my home in many days. due to the AG. i’m desperate to get out tonight, for myself and to get food and such in the house and to give my senior service dog/wonderpup/member of the Three Spayed Females squad and more. to give her a good good walk and a major amount of love and attention. she is so pretty (chi/min pin/dachshund) and sweet that many of the people we encounter while we shop/hunt get very very very happy when they see her. and we get to educate about Service Dogs for Invisible Disabilities. informally. the aisle in Kroger/fred meyer are the widest so that is our favorite venue, along with Rite Aid. don’t be envious of our exciting life. not everyone can keep up this pace.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

i cannot find the Help section/customer service. i’m a tech idiot. i know i’m being an asshole but can someone please help me? seriously.

i’m feeling like i want to throw my laptop off the building and then follow it. please hook me up with the Help section.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

okay, i can delete now. the X’s are back. sorry for flipping out. i’m just so angry and disgusted. they are so freaking racist and just plain evil. and it’s something new every day. it never stops. it just never ever stops.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

i’m ready to give up on here. this DACA thing is so nasty. something along the top, the right hand icons, showed that i had 9 somethings. nothing in my inbox. what were they? notifications? warnings? and where the freak so i find them to read them. and why can’t i delete the recommended blogs that don’t interest me?

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how do i delete these freaking blogs that i don’t want to follow? this isn’t right.

how do i delete t

[threespayedfemales-blog]

this is so shallow of me but i’m feeling very bitchy. has there been a fat president in the last several decades. clinton was chubby. but this is gross. and drumpf won’t get good suits for some ridiculous reason. he probably thinks that the looseness hides his fat...

but he’s too vain and idiotic and arrogant that he doesn’t think that we notice his fat body when he plays golf. again, i know that this is superficial and gross and bitchy. and it just hit me last night that one of the endless problems with agent orange is that he doesn’t get some bespoke clothes that would give him some style and lessen the horror of his physical presence. of course it’s the hair that is the worst. and what right off the bat shows how crazy he is. he thinks he is fooling everyone that he has actual hair. but it is so terrible looking. and why blond? why very very very blond? it he at least used his original color. we get that he’s too vain to show his gray or white hair. we get that. but come on...

and i had a thought that made me feel so sad. essentially we have no First Lady either. drumpt and melania clealry don’t like/hate each other. she pulls away from his attempt to hold her hand. and she is just Nothing. she plagiarized

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bobby seale the black panther -- new name -- snuggling with cocoa chanel the senior service dog. she hates him but he makes a soft pillow.

[threespayedfemales-blog]

i found out from watching CBS Sunday Morning -- one of my faovrite shows and i’m a tv addict. and it‘s on, who knew?, Sunday at 7PM Pt. turns out that Bobby Seale the black panther is alive!! i’m a 65 year old broad so that is my era, my time. so i’m changing my gigantic transgender kitty’s name from Gary Cooper to Bobby Seale the Black Panther! suits him so much better. he’s pretty much a rebel, except he’s without a cause.

can’t figure out how to post a photo and text in one Thang. i hate being so bad at tech.