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Literally nothing sounds worse than having kids in your twenties. Whenever I see like a 24 year old woman with kids I want to go up to her and be like do you need me to kill your husband? Did he do this to you?

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If I had the absolute good fortune to find one of those schuylkill schizophrenic notes in my box of cereal I would treasure it and frame it and hang it on my wall forever

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So many people are just waiting for a chance to tell you how miserable they are

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Do you ever find yourself in bed scrolling on your phone and realize you’ve been absentmindedly jerking off to literally nothing

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Are you saying I will be miserable when I’m fat, somewhat happier when I lose weight but then at my happiest when I gain weight and I’m fat again

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Sex scenes should be cut out of all movies but they should be replaced by a series of strange avant- garde shots of industrial machines and objects grinding and rubbing and spinning and vibrating and whining and entering each other that implies some freak shit is going on

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You see someone at the farmers market carrying this bag wyd

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Why are three of these colors….. why did the English see these specific colors and think “the word for this needs to be so utterly unique no other phonemes will even come close”

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there’s something so desperately miserable about the lyric “buy me some peanuts and cracker jack / i don’t care if i never come back”

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Gay men who play video games are traitors to our kind

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ok.

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you seem to be a unique type of hateful and i think i like that about you

I’m not hateful…

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Tell me your favorite song that has less than one million streams

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absolutely amazing things happening right now. I had to triple check that these were real