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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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If You're Lucky

a rowaelin oneshot

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There were people screaming, music blaring, lights shining, and all of it was pissing off Aelin Galathynius. She didn’t know what the hell they were doing, but she did know they were messing with her sleep, and she was ready to go down and curse them all to Hellas.

If she could get out of bed that was. Which she wasn’t sure she could. Because wherever she’d ended up for the night was extremely comfortable, and she wasn’t sure she had the energy it took to leave it.

She yawned, stretching her limbs. Her feet rubbed against another pair of legs, and an arm around her waist slipped until it was more around her hips. Her brows furrowed as she struggled to remember who that was, who she’d gotten into bed with. But just then, a particularlu rambunctious chant started from outside: Fuck the Wyverns! Fuck the Wyverns! And she knew what day it was.

Gameday. College football gameday.

Aelin groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as she borrowed back into the person behind her in an attempt to stifle the noise that was blaring in her ears.

“Why the hell?” She started to complain, one hand clutching her head. Gods she was going to have the hangover of her life when she woke up fully.

“What time is it?” A deep voice from behind her grumbled, the sound rumbling through his chest and through her back. Aelin huffed a weak laugh.

“Late enough for more drinking already apparently,” she answered, burying her head in the soft pillow. She’d gone to the frat house last night with the same intention as everyone else: to get roaring drunk after midterm week; yet it seemed people were eagerly continuing that into the next day too.

“Oh right,” the boy chuckled, “noon game. Tailgating starts at 8.”

Aelin flipped over, alarm in her eyes. “8 am?!” Her nose wrinkled. “That’s disgusting.”

The boy smiled crookedly, moving the hand around her waist to ruffle his hair. “If I was still a freshman I’d have to be out there right now.” Her eyes scanned his face, his hair, his shirtless body, and her cheeks heated. He was decidedly not a boy. He was a man.

His silvery blonde hair was messy and floppy, no doubt from the pillows and maybe from something else too. His skin was tan and smooth over hard muscle and broad shoulders with arms that looked like he could wrap her up completely in them and she’d be just buried in his chest. He had a full lower lip, looking very much kissable in the soft smile it was in. And his eyes. They were a piercing green color that made her heart stop, and heat pound through her body.

Which was still fully clothed in her party outfit from the night before. Aelin didn’t know what had happened, but she was pretty sure that she hadn’t slept with this gorgeous man. She didn’t know what made her more disappointed: the fact she hadn’t, or the fact that if she had, she wouldn’t’ve remembered.

Though she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to forget that. Something told her he’d leave her very satisfied.

“Says who?” She asked, propping her head up on her chin. The man shrugged.

“The frat, my friends, the gods above.” He rolled onto his back, the sheet falling to his waist. His head turned to look at her though.

“I don’t understand,” Aelin grumbled, “though I guess drinking more just delays the hangover of the century.” He laughed again, the sound rumbling through her.

“You sound like Fenrys.” He dragged a hand down his face. She quirked a brow.

“Who’s Fenrys?” She asked, and he sighed tiredly.

“The frat president,” he gestured lazily to the window, “he’s down there I’m sure, living it up.” His voice was sarcastic. She hummed in understanding.

“So I have his name, can I get yours?” She tried to ask coyly. Idly, she wondered what her makeup looked like, and her hair. She was sure she looked like a dying raccoon, but he didn’t seem to care, not with the way he lifted a brow, smiling slightly at her question.

“Rowan,” he answered, and the name resonated in her head. Rowan.

“Rowan,” she tested on her tongue, “Ro-wan.” He looked faintly amused.

“I think it’s only fair I get your name now, right?” Rowan asked, and she smiled. Fair indeed.

“Aelin,” she replied, “now do you remember what happened last night? Cause I think I drank a little too much.” Just then, a particularly raucous cheer came from down below and she winced, her head pounding. “Scratch that, I definitely drank too much.”

Another chuckle. “Well,” Rowan rasped, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t remember too much either if I’m being honest. But I’m pretty sure we were playing beer pong maybe? You were with a brunette girl.” Lysandra, she knew that much. “Then I think you were complaining about your shoes? And I said you could leave them up here so they didn’t get ruined, and then I think you might’ve just fallen asleep.”

She processed the information, her eyes squinted as she tried to remember. But then, wait - Lysandra.

“Where’s my phone?” She asked Rowan, sitting up in the bed. The comforter fell away from her, revealing her slightly askew gold halter top, which she and Lysandra had picked out for the party the night before, giggling dramatically the whole time. He pointed to her purse splayed out on the floor, and she managed to stand up to go get it, cursing herself for being disappointed at having to get out of the bed.

Aelin found her phone, and saw no texts from her roommate. Fuck.

“Do you remember where the brunette girl went?” She asked Rowan, turning around from where she was kneeling on the floor. He’d sat up in bed, seemingly sensing her worry. His eyes squinted as he placed the memory, but then he smirked.

“If I’m right, I think she’s asleep next door.” Her eyebrows shot up. “Or down there partying.” He chuckled at her confused expression. “She and Fenrys were all over each other last night.”

“I see,” Aelin said, before laughing to herself, “I’m supposed to go to the game with her today, but we’ll see if that happens.” She sent a quick text to Lysandra, explaining where she was and asking where she was just to confirm what Rowan thought.

“So you’re a football girl, huh?” He asked teasingly, and she smirked, pushing herself up to a stand.

“I paid for season tickets, I’m going to damn well go to the games,” she said, and he laughed. Aelin wanted nothing more than to get back in bed, to learn more about him, maybe in more ways than one, but she really should get back. “I probably need to head out,” she said reluctantly, “I’m also meeting my other friend, Elide, and she was definitely not partying last night.”

Rowan looked disappointed, but nodded, moving to get out of bed himself. He threw on a shirt as she stood up, searching for her heels. She’d be walking back to her apartment in her party clothes, which wasn’t something she loved, but she didn’t have an alternative.

Aelin wiped at her face one more time, no doubt smearing her makeup even more, but she didn’t care as her eyes met Rowan’s.

“Thank you,” she said, and he quirked a brow.

“For what?” He asked and she took a step closer.

“For not being a total douche,” she said with a smile and he smiled back. “For real though, that could’ve been a lot worse for me, and I’m glad I just ended up getting a good night’s sleep.”

She stuck out her hand and he shook his head slightly, chuckling under his breath as he took her hand, shaking it once. Her nerves lit on fire at the brief contact.

Taking it one step further, Aelin leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling back just as quickly, her face flaming. She moved to the door quickly, ignoring her hungover body’s protests, and went to wave goodbye when he stopped her.

“Wait,” he said, and she turned to look at him, a brow raised. “Let me walk you home.”

She paused by the door, hand on the doorframe as she replied. “You want to come with me on my walk of shame?” She joked, earning another precious half laugh, and he nodded. She acted calm, even though her blood was racing with excitement at his words.

“Yeah, why not?” Rowan shrugged, “it beats inevitably being forced by Fenrys to shotgun another four beers.”

“Wow, yeah, that sounds awful.” Aelin grimaced, and then gestured for him to follow her. “Come with me then, I’m much better company anyway.”

“That you are,” he said, only half a joke, and her lips quirked up on the sides.

After Rowan put on shoes and grabbed his own keys and phone, she let him lead her out, because she didn’t exactly know where she was going. Frat houses looked completely different in the daylight than they did in the dark with strobe lights and alcohol.

When they were almost at the ground floor, he turned to her with a finger over his lips. “We have to be quiet,” he whispered teasingly, and she nodded mock seriously, “if they catch us they’re going to force us to stay.”

“Duly noted.” She mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key, nearly bursting into laughter as she followed him. Together, they snuck out of the frat house, pausing and peeking around corners and running when someone almost saw them.

Her heart was going to combust.

When they were safely out of the house, they both groaned at the sight. All the other fraternity houses down the row were also filled with people, and loud music, and posed a danger to their secret mission.

Aelin linked her hand in his, and he looked down at her just as she looked up at him. “We’ve got this. Just no pauses, no resting ‘til we get to the end of the line.” She was an army officer, giving out orders, and Rowan was her soldier, nodding dutifully at the commands. “Ready? 3...2...1!”

She was laughing as they ran down the sidewalk, probably earning dozens of questioning stares. But she didn’t care, not as Rowan was laughing with her, holding her hand tight as they went.

She was out of breath by the time they were actually out of sight of anyone, and their run turned into a leisurely stroll.

But she didn’t let go of his hand, and he didn’t let go of hers. Their arms swung back and forth gently as they walked, and a companionable silence took over, until she spotted something and an idea sprung to mind.

“How would you feel about not walking?” Aelin asked, and his eyes lit up with understanding when he saw what she was pointing to. An electric scooter, one you could get an app for and rent to take you anywhere on campus. It was surprisingly efficient for just being an amplified version of a child’s toy, and her wallet was feeling the pain of them being available.

There was only one, but they could figure it out.

“After you,” Rowan said, gesturing to the scooter, and she scanned the barcode, hearing the little ding of it unlocking. She grabbed the handlebars, putting a foot on, and turned to look at him.

“Are you coming?” She asked with a half smile, and he chuckled again, walking over and figuring out to place his foot behind hers. His arms came around hers to hold the handles too, and she shivered, practically engulfed in him again.

And they were off.

It fell to pieces almost right away.

‘Left, Rowan!” She laughed as they almost fell over yet again. “You have to lean left!” She cursed as they narrowly avoided a pedestrian, the scooter zipping along as they figured out how to balance it right. Having an over six foot tall mass of a male behind her didn’t exactly make that any easier.

She brought the scooter to a stop after another near mishap, laughing softly as she turned to look at Rowan, who was smiling fondly at her.

“I don’t think we’re very good at this,” he said, and she had to agree. She was still wrapped in his arms, and being this close to him was addicting. His pine scent tickled her nose, and she wanted to bury her face in his skin forever.

“No, I don’t think we are,” she said softly, “how about we ditch this and just go back to walking?”

“Seems safer,” he joked, though there was a hint of warmth in it. He hopped off the scooter, regrettably moving his arms away from her as she parked it, ending the ride on her phone.

“I’m almost at my apartment anyway,” she said, her smile fading. “It’s not long now.” Not long until she had to say goodbye. Rowan frowned, as if he realized the same thing as her.

They walked in silence the rest of the way back, passing several crowds of people clearly going to the game. At this rate, she’d have to turn right back around and leave again.

When they reached her door, she turned to look at him, linking their hands together. “Are you going to be at the game?” She asked, and he nodded.

“I bought a season ticket,” he said with a smile, “I’m going to damn well go to the games.” She laughed at the reference, before falling into silence and trying to figure out how to take the next step. Luckily, he did it for her. “Will I see you there?”

“I think you just might, if you’re lucky,” she smirked. “Give me your number and I’ll make sure you are.” He smirked back.

“Seems like a deal I can’t pass up,” he said, shaking his head once. She took out her phone and let him type his contact info into it. She shot off a text to the number just to make sure he had hers, before sliding her phone back into her purse.

“Well,” she said, “this is where I leave you then.” He looked disappointed, and she hated the look on his face, so she smiled innocently. “But I’ll leave you with a goodbye present.”

“Oh?” His brow shot up and she nodded. “And what is this present?”

“A real kiss this time.” She didn’t leave him time to react before she placed a hand on his cheek, tugging his face down to press a light kiss to his lips. His mouth was soft and warm, and she wanted to stay there forever. But she pulled back, lifting her free hand to her mouth to hide her smile. Rowan looked shocked, but happy, his lips parted but almost curling up into a smile.

“I’ll see you later,” she said before disappearing into her apartment with a wave, only one thought on her mind. She was definitely the lucky one.

taglist:

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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The Lucky One - Part 1

Masterlist

Based on the Taylor Swift song

So… here we go!! It’s finally ready! I’ve put so much of my time and effort into this, almost since the beginning of 2021, so it’s wild that it’s finally ready for me to share! Thank you to @seasonofthewicth for being an amazing beta reader for me! I couldn’t have done it without your help!

This fic is one of the darker ones I’ve written, and because of that it’ll delve into a lot of difficult topics. I’ll make sure to appropriately note them for each chapter.

I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I have writing this!

~ 10k words

CW: mentions of drug abuse, NSFW, not suitable for readers under eighteen

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We don't have to figure out, What hasn't happened yet

Through whatever whirls around us, I won't let you forget

You're my lover

- My Lover : Birdtalker

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Now

Aelin slid down the door, feeling the cold wood against her back as she fell into a crouch and sobbed relentlessly. The tears wouldn’t stop coming, and she didn’t think they ever would. Not with what had happened.

She should’ve known, she should’ve known. That’s what repeated in her head, over and over and over. She should’ve known it would turn out this way. But she’d been blind. Out of self preservation? Out of arrogance? Out of misplaced naivety and ignorance?

Either way, it didn’t matter. It didn’t change the path she had taken, and the place she’d arrived at.

Because for all of Aelin Galathynius’ life, she’d wanted to be a star. From the moment she saw her first movie, and was enraptured by the faces on the screen, she’d known that that’s where she belonged.

But not like the movies nowadays, with giant action stunts and cheesy and demeaning roles where the only thing the women were there for was a cheap sex scene and some feminism points. No, she’d make a name for herself, be the sole star, like those old glamorous black and white stars, where the time may have been discriminatory, but the women were always fierce.

It was her dream, her goal, her destiny.

She just knew it.

Because also her whole life, she’d been praised for her beauty, her elegance, her grace. As a child, she’d heard “What a pretty little girl!” “Oh, she’s going to grow up to be such a knockout!” “She could be a model! Have you ever thought of signing her to an agency?”

And given her age, she’d been impressionable, and she’d taken that all to heart, admittedly becoming a bit arrogant. But the confidence was just part of her charm.

But it only got worse as she got older, as she got to high school and boys were tripping over their feet just to look at her and talk to her. Aelin was on the homecoming court all four years, voted homecoming and prom queen senior year. She was popular, she was wanted, she was admired, she was loved.

At least, that’s what she thought love was. She’d never learned it any other way.

Her parents weren’t always the most present. They both had high stress jobs in the city, generally working overtime and leaving Aelin to get home from school to find an empty apartment, a list of restaurant delivery numbers on the kitchen counter. She’d become well versed in the Orynth subway system, for the days her chauffeur was busy with her parents and couldn’t come pick her up.

They’d go on business trips a lot of the time too, leaving her home alone. Aelin had taken advantage of that time to throw parties, becoming the party queen as well as the prom queen. By the age of 17, she’d had an amazing tolerance, well versed in alcohol and various substances that she took when she got bored.

Perks of being rich she’d always thought. She didn’t realize until much later how lonely she’d actually been. She hadn’t had any real friends. The boys just wanted to get in her pants and the girls were just using her to get to the boys, but she’d ignored that until she met Rowan Whitethorn.

He’d been the reason for that self reflection, but he was gone, driven away, and Aelin couldn’t blame him. They’d met in college, both of them majoring in film studies. She’d wanted to be an actress and he’d wanted to be the director of the masterpieces they’d make together. But it hadn’t turned out that way.

Because right as it was all going to shit, he’d run.

She should’ve run too. But gods, she’d been too lost in her dream to notice.

Because she had still longed for the silver screen, and had been willing to do anything to get there.

But she’d realized too late that the life of a movie star was actually a den of vipers, and she was stuck before she even knew she needed to get out.

-----————————

6 years earlier

“Celaena Sardothien?”

Aelin glanced up, brushing her hair behind her ears as she met the eyes of the attendant. The woman gestured to her and she stood up from the waiting room chair, walking toward her and the door she was holding half open. She sucked in a nervous breath as she made her way over, running through her lines in her head.

It was her third audition for the week, and she was determined to get it right.

That had been one thing she hadn’t anticipated when moving to Rifthold, the tediousness of it all.

Fresh out of college, 22 and ready to go, Aelin had rebranded herself, going by the name Celaena Sardothien to remove all connection to her parents and her old life. She was determined to do it all on her own merit, not piggybacking off of her parents’ success, especially when they’d all but disowned her for becoming an actress. Or attempting to become one at least.

Six months after arriving in Rifthold, she still hadn’t scored any roles outside of a few quick scenes as an extra and an insurance commercial that she wasn’t sure was even airing in this country. It was frustrating, but she hadn’t given up yet.

She would never give up.

Aelin composed herself, lifting her chin and looking graceful as she entered the room, coming to a stop in front of a panel of three men, the casting directors for the movie she was auditioning for.

It was a low budget mystery/thriller, not her usual forte, but she had to start somewhere. Even playing the slightly sexist depiction of a 1960s secretary. It wasn’t her favorite role, but she had no other choice.

The brunette man sitting in the middle leaned back in his chair, arms crossed as he appraised her. The man on his right yawned and took a big sip of his coffee, and the last one adjusted his glasses before picking up the script to read through the lines with her.

They all looked exhausted and fed up with the day, which was fair. They probably had been through almost a hundred women just like her, who looked similar enough and read the exact same lines, auditioning for the exact same part.

Aelin was just hoping she stood out enough. She’d put extra care into her hair and makeup this morning, hoping to highlight her natural beauty that had gotten her through high school and college if she was being honest. A little lean forward to show off her cleavage, a slight puppy dog eye and a small bite to her lip to make it flush pink and to give the impression that she was going to cry got every male teacher to change her grade whenever she wanted.

Rowan was the only one who that hadn’t worked on. He'd actually laughed in her face when she’d tried it, when he’d been the TA of her Film Production class and she barely got a passing grade on a test. Turns out, her film studies degree had been pretty useless in retrospect, as she didn’t need to know the ins and outs of every single production detail to be the one acting in a film, but it looked better to her parents, rather than a drama or theater major. Even if that didn’t matter in the end.

But she wouldn’t regret it, because she’d met Rowan that way.

��Okay, Miss…” the man looked down at his paper, “Sardothien,” he looked back up, “you may begin whenever you’re ready.”

Aelin nodded and took a breath, trying to immerse herself into the scene. She could picture it all in her head: the 1960s attire, the short bouncy hair, the cars and the buildings and the fashion and everything that made up the era, minus the immense racism of course, these types of movies chose to gloss over those parts of history. It was all glamorized, but she just had to deal with it. She was an expert at glamour anyway.

“Detective Thomas!” She called out, waving her hand as if trying to get someone’s attention. “I’ve got the evidence you wanted from the station! The warden was hard pressed to give it to me but I managed to convince him.”

“Perfect, let me see it,” the man on the left said tonelessly, and Aelin almost huffed. It didn’t exactly make it easy to act perfectly when no one else was invested in the scene with her.

“I haven’t gotten a chance to look at it yet,” she said, looking down and furrowing her brows, pretending like she was flipping through pages of a document, “but I think it’s incriminating.”

“Just give it to me, peach,” the man said, “I’ll look through it, you can go back to the office now. Or better yet, just go on home, I wouldn’t want you to tire yourself out.”

Aelin clenched her jaw, she hated that line. She’d read it when she got the script for the first time, and immediately had rolled her eyes at it. She hated the sexism laced in it, sexism that she’d unfortunately seen rancid around the film community. Once she got farther up the ranks it would be better, she was sure of it.

She opened her mouth to keep going, to say her next line, when she froze, no words coming out. She couldn’t remember what she was supposed to say. How was that possible? She never forgot lines.

A few awkward beats of silence rang out as she scrambled for something to say, but then the huff from the man in the middle crushed it.

“If you’re going to waste my time, sweetheart,” he said, “please at least be a little more efficient about it.” She darted her eyes to him, eyebrows raised in surprise. “As pretty as you are to look at, you can’t forget lines if you want to actually be considered for this role.”

Aelin gaped, unsure of how to respond, unsure of how to fight the crushing nausea and anger in her stomach at the words. What the hell? Where did that even come from? She was indignant.

“Just get out,” he said with a sigh, gesturing with his head to the door, “we have a lot more girls to see.”

A frustrated tear slipped out of her eye and she turned away quickly, so they couldn’t see it, and stormed toward the door, not waiting for the attendant to open it before she was slamming it open and huffing and puffing her way past all of the other girls, who stared at her with wide eyes.

It was usual to see someone leave an audition in tears, but Aelin was raging, not upset.

Yet, the farther she got away from the room and the closer she got to the door out to the street, the more dull she became, the more defeated. Another tear slipped out as she made to open it.

But someone else beat her to it.

It got roughly pulled open from the other side just as she was leaning toward it, and she stumbled slightly, the loss of support making her lose her balance in her heels. She was caught by the person though, her elbows supported as they straightened her, and she looked up to meet a rough looking face with brown eyes, framed by ruddy brown hair. The man looked at her like the man in the room had, like he was appraising her, and it made her vaguely uncomfortable so she just murmured a “thank you” before moving past him, not paying attention as his eyes tracked her as she left.

Aelin sniffed again as she made her way down the busy street, trying to avoid running into someone else and getting accidentally pushed into traffic. It wouldn’t be too surprising given how chaotic Rifthold was, but she didn’t want it to happen to her.

Gods she was just tired. Another bad audition, another failed opportunity, another one marked off the list.

The craving to be back at her shitty apartment, in Rowan’s arms, was so strong that she zoned out for the rest of the walk, entering a sleepy haze as she made her way down the few blocks to her building.

She was lucky the casting office hadn’t been too far away from her this time. Last week she had been forced to take the metro, which she hated, to avoid at least an hour-long walk.

Aelin contemplated just taking her heels off and walking barefoot, as they ached unbearably, but she wouldn’t. They completed her outfit and the sidewalks were disgusting. But she was sure the backs of her heels were bleeding from how much the shoe was digging in.

When she finally reached her building, she climbed up the stairs painfully, the old complex not having a functioning elevator, and trudged to her door, fumbling for her key from her clutch and unlocking the door slowly.

She wiped her face before she entered, trying to hide any evidence of tears from Rowan, but he looked up from his spot on the couch and spotted her, his face immediately softening as he saw her.

“Another bad one?” He asked sympathetically as she threw her bag on the tiny dining table and walked over to him on the couch, practically throwing herself on top of him. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, chuckling softly at her antics.

“Yeah,” was all she said, murmuring it into his chest, the soft material of his t-shirt rubbing against her cheek. “I forgot my lines halfway through, which I never do, and the casting people didn’t even give me a chance to say anything before I was being kicked out, unnecessarily disrespectfully.” Rowan grumbled in agreement with her, despite not even knowing what they said, and rubbed her back soothingly in comfort.

“Well fuck them,” he said, causing her to laugh slightly, and she looked up, placing a hand on his cheek before leaning in a pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“Thank you.” She smiled, full of love for him. He didn’t even have to say much, his support was clear in everything he did, and she would always appreciate it. They were fortunate that Rowan had gotten a job offer at a small Independent Film production company pretty quickly after moving out here, because she wasn’t really picking up any income. They had been ecstatic when he’d gotten the call, as that was the type of work he was aiming to be in. He wanted to be a director, but not for the type of films Aelin wanted to be in. He wanted to work on the smaller stuff, on movies with a bit more creativity, and he was well on his way.

They’d been dating for three years, ever since they’d met her sophomore year of college. Well, after she finished the class he was the TA for, as he insisted on not doing anything improper. They’d graduated the same year, him staying five years to finish up his Master’s degree early, and then moved out here right when they got the chance.

“Of course,” he said, pulling her back to him and pressing kisses all over her face, her jaw, her nose, her cheeks, making her giggle. “Now let’s get you some dinner and some soda and watch a crappy TV show, alright?”

Aelin nodded with another grin, managing to push herself to a stand. Always soda, never wine. Never again. Three years of dating, and three years of sobriety, all because of Rowan. He’d taken her from the wasted mess she’d been, the extremes from her partying in high school, and brought her to where she was now.

And just as she was determined to succeed, she was determined to never repeat history. She was better than that.

———

Aelin woke up to soft kisses, the light feeling tickling her bare shoulder blades. But she kept her eyes closed as her lips curved into a smile, trying to pretend like she was still asleep. The touches traveled up her neck until they nipped at her earlobe, and she couldn’t help her slight giggle.

She turned around then, rotating in the sheets to face Rowan, a smile of his own matching her grin.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, pressing one last kiss to her forehead.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice raspy from sleep and utterly sexy. His shirtless torso wasn’t covered by the sheets and she didn’t hold back from admiring it, the tan skin stretched deliciously over muscle and the mouthwatering tattoo all had her clenching her thighs together, remembering what all of that felt like on her body.

“Good morning.” She laughed again and pursed her lips. Rowan obliged, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her mouth, but it quickly devolved into something deeper as he slanted his mouth over hers and slid his tongue between her lips. Aelin moaned slightly and he rolled on top of her, pushing her back into the sheets and pressing a knee between her legs.

She was tempted to say fuck it and just go for another round, they were both already naked, but she also couldn’t help the urge to mess with him.

So she pushed up on his shoulders a little bit until she broke free, and then she was chuckling and rolling away.

“We’ve got a big day today, Rowan,” she said with a smirk, “we can’t waste our morning doing this.” Her boyfriend frowned and collapsed against the bed, crossing his arms and looking like a petulant four year old.

“I’d hardly say this would be a waste,” he said, “I’d make it worth your time.” He dragged a hand slowly up her arm. But she pulled away and fixed him with a look. “Ugh fine,” he groaned, relenting. “What do we have to do today?”

Aelin leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his lips before darting away again. “We have to go to the grocery store.” She grinned wickedly and rolled out of the bed, sauntering to their closet to grab clothes before moving to the bathroom to change and get ready.

“The grocery store?” Rowan asked, dropping his head back into the pillow. He looked so put out she thought that at that moment he would do anything to get her back in bed. Maybe she could even convince him to sing to her, the song he always sung. Their song. His voice was way better than he liked to admit, and the deep timbre always calmed her down. But they did have to go to the store, it wasn’t all a joke.

“Yes,” she said, poking her head out of the bathroom door. “Have you seen our kitchen? All we have left is a few crappy salad mixes.”

“I like those salads,” he pouted, and she laughed.

“Of course you do, you buzzard,” she said, “but I don’t and you just got your paycheck and I have a bunch of tips left over from last week, so it really is the perfect time.” Aelin had picked up a job at a local restaurant as a waitress to make ends meet. The place sucked, but the tips did not.

“Buzzards eat dead animals, not plants,” Rowan corrected with a relaxed smile.

“Even better.” She smiled back. “Now get up and get going, you lazy buzzard.”

He made an unkind gesture toward her, but she just laughed and shut the bathroom door. Gods she loved him.

——-

Aelin pushed her foot off of the ground, letting the cart glide across the tile like she was a kid. It was her favorite thing to do at a store, but she didn’t get very far, because Rowan grabbed hold of the basket, stopping her from careening into a shelf.

“You’re going to die before we finish shopping,” he laughed, a fond look on his face. She shrugged and hopped off of the cart, letting him grab the handle from her as she walked to the shelf she almost hit and snatched a few packets of ramen off of it.

“Better to die having fun than to live a long time being boring,” she said loftily, to which he scoffed at as he grabbed a box of off brand Cheerios and dumped it into the cart. Cheap groceries for a cheap budget.

“I’m plenty of fun,” Rowan said, with light hearted offense in his tone. Aelin just bit her lip to hide her smile and looked him up and down suggestively.

“I suppose you are,” she crooned exaggeratively, and he rolled his eyes.

“Gods help me,” he muttered, shaking his head. He started walking down the aisle, pushing the cart, and she sidled up next to him, bumping into him every so often before she sighed.

“We both could use a little break, you know?” Aelin spoke, a little more morosely. “We’ve been working hard.”

As if he could sense the sorrow and exhaustion coating her voice, Rowan stopped walking, let go of the cart, and pulled her close. She let her head fall into his chest, grabbing his shirt with her hands while he wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re going to make it, Fireheart,” he whispered into her ear, “you’re going to be a star. You’re beautiful and talented and perfect, and you’re going to show all of those shallow fuckers what they’re missing.”

Aelin chuckled slightly into the fabric covering his skin, breathing in his calming scent. “How elitist of you, Rowan.” She pulled back and smiled teasingly up at him. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“What?” He joked. “You know I prefer my hub of independent film weirdos to the cesspool that is mainstream Rifthold.” She snorted.

“Isn’t that true,” she said sarcastically before placing a quick kiss to his lips. “And I appreciate your kind words, but I already know I’m beautiful,” she teased, “I wouldn’t have won both prom and homecoming queen senior year otherwise.” He raised his brows, but her smile faltered. “Of course, I was supplying the whole student body with drugs,” she added disparagingly, “but I was too high myself to realize that that’s why they liked me.”

“Hey,” Rowan said sternly, tilting her chin to make her look at him, “none of that, okay? You’re better now, no looking back.” Aelin frowned slightly, her eyes shuttering with memories of her escapades, her lonely days and nights without her parents, her fruitless relationships and the times where she’d been so drunk or high she’d wake up with a boy from her school that she’d never even talked to before, so out of it that anything was possible. It was horrible but it was also freeing, a great escape from the stress of life. Gods she was so much more stressed now. “Fireheart,” he said, calling her attention back to him, concern in his eyes as he saw her slipping. “Five things, okay?”

Aelin hesitated but nodded. Five things. It was something they’d started back when he’d helped her sober up, when he’d still been her TA but had already been so much more. She would name five things about her life that she loved, five things that brought her joy, to help keep her from slipping back into the allure of fading away.

“You,” she started, “our crappy apartment, seeing actual movie sets and being inches away from working on one, being thousands of miles away from my parents, and…” she grinned up at him, “trips to the grocery store.”

Rowan rolled his eyes and pinched her side gently, before dropping a soft kiss on her forehead. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you more,” Aelin said back, smiling at him.

“Well I love you most, so..” he grinned, and it was her turn to roll her eyes. But she accepted his kiss before prancing off down the aisle, heading toward the chips. She examined the bags on the shelf, making sure to check the prices. It had been difficult transitioning from buying whatever she wanted in high school using her parents’ credit card, to surviving on a struggling actor’s and a fledgling director’s salary. But she was going with it, because it was her dream to be here, to be working toward this, to be with Rowan.

“Do we want off brand Lays? Or off brand Pringle’s this week?” She turned and asked him with a laugh, blushing slightly at the look on his face. He opened his mouth to respond, but her phone rang, pulling her attention away. She grabbed it out of her pocket and answered it unconsciously, not checking the number.

“Miss Sardothien?” A female voice crackled through the line.

“Yes?” Aelin asked, holding up a finger in pause to Rowan, who had walked over and looked about ready to say something.

“This is Miss DuVency speaking, from the Hamel Acting Company in Rifthold.” Aelin froze. Shit. “We’ve recently become aware of your presence in the industry and Mr. Hamel would like to offer you an audition here for a spot in his agency.”

Her jaw dropped open in shock and she battled for what to say, ignoring Rowan’s curious expression. Arobynn Hamel was a legend in the film world. His agency was always considered the best, listed as number one on every magazine ranking, touting the biggest actors and actresses and claiming hundreds of awards over the years. For them to be calling her, even just for an audition… it could change everything.

“Miss Sardothien?” The woman, likely the receptionist, on the line said, and Aelin realized how long she’d stayed quiet, processing the news.

“Oh yes, sorry, I’m here,” she said, shooting a small glare when Rowan chuckled at her.

“Would this be something you’re interested in?”

“Of course,” she said breathlessly, “This opportunity is amazing.”

“Well,” the woman said a little snarkily, “it’s just an audition, nothing is guaranteed.”

Aelin furrowed her brows. “Yes I know, but I very much appreciate the chance to be considered.”

“Great!” Her tone was fake, lathered in sugary sweetness. “We’ll reach out soon with information for the audition time and date, as well as the address and any paperwork you need to bring.”

“Thank you so much, that sounds great,” she gushed, excitement rushing through her. She couldn’t believe it.

“Of course.” And then the woman hung up, leaving Aelin hanging, but she couldn’t care less. She lowered her phone, sliding it into her pocket before glancing up at Rowan.

At first, she hid her expression, masking it into a cool look that had him wary, but she couldn’t hide it anymore and squealed, practically throwing herself at him.

He laughed, but caught her easily, grabbing her around the waist and spinning her in a quick circle, ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of a grocery store.

Rowan set her down, pulling back to aim a questioning look at her, as if asking if she would deign to explain the news to him.

“I got an audition,” she breathed through her blinding smile. “I got an audition at HAC! It’s not a guarantee of anything,” the words rushed out of her, “but I’m so fucking excited.”

“Aelin, that’s amazing!” He laughed incredulously and hugged her again, abandoning any guise of shopping. She wanted to say more but was too overwhelmed. And he knew that, so he just held her.

This opportunity was everything. When they’d first moved here, she’d considered the merits of trying to sign to a talent agency, but quickly discovered that it wouldn’t be worth the effort, because without any proof of her talents first, no agency that would help her in any way would give her a chance. So she had decided to just stake out on her own, try and get a few roles on her belt before making her rounds again. But if she got this, she wouldn’t need to. She’d be signed to the biggest agency in Rifthold, and she’d get much more exposure than she ever would’ve before.

It could be the answer to all of her problems.

It took her a second to realize she was crying, a tear slipping down her cheek, and when Rowan noticed her sniffing, he pulled back, placing a hand on her face.

“They’re good tears,” she assured him, a watery smile on her face. “You know I can’t help it.”

“They better be,” he laughed. “Because you’re going to rock that audition, and get signed by an agent and land a million roles, and then I get to tell everyone I’m dating a movie star.”

It was something he said all the time, a way to get her mood up if she was feeling downtrodden. But maybe this time he was right.

———-

Aelin was running on pure adrenaline, nerves, and panic as she desperately looked for her other high heel, having five minutes before she absolutely had to be on her way to avoid being late.

“Where did you last see it?” Rowan asked calmly, relaxing on the couch, and she huffed and glared at him, sitting up from where she had been looking under the couch.

“I wore them the other day to my last audition,” she said, eyes scanning the room as she looked for a hint of the black fabric. Aelin gnawed on her lip as she pushed herself to a stand.

“Did you check the bedroom?” He looked at her with a small smirk. “They were kicked off quite violently if I’m remembering correctly.”

She huffed a small laugh and rolled her eyes, but headed to the bedroom, crouching down to look under all the furniture, rolling her eyes again when she found it wedged under the dresser. She reached under and pulled it out, returning to the living room in a rush as she slid it onto her foot.

“Okay,” she breathed, straightening her pants and looking at Rowan with her hands on her hips. “I’m ready to go. Wish me luck.” She leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her boyfriend’s cheek before walking back to grab her purse.

“Good luck, Aelin,” he said with a smile, “you’re going to kill it.”

“You bet I am!” She laughed before swinging the door open, stepping out into the hallway of their crappy apartment building.

Her smile faded as she kept going though, as she made her way out onto the street, ignoring other pedestrians and cars as she began the journey to the talent office. With her sunglasses, her long sheet of golden hair, her heels and flowy pants paired with a dressy tank top, she understood why some people she passed stared. She looked like a million bucks, not like that was anything new, but she didn’t want to get engaged with any of them. Not when she was dating Rowan, and not when she was almost late.

The office was only about a ten minute walk, if she hurried, so she was sauntering quickly down the street, on a mission. It would give a bad impression if she was late, and she needed to do the exact opposite of that. Aelin was sure of her talent, but she wasn’t sure whether other people would give her the time of day to see it themselves.

So far she’d been disrespected and brushed aside, but this would be different. It had to be different.

That’s what she was telling herself all the way up to the agency’s door, steeling her nerves as she stepped inside, eyes immediately widening at the opulence.

Rifthold had some wealth, obviously, and most of its architecture and design showed that, but this was something else.

Marble floors, marble desks, large sleek leather chairs and couches in the lobby, two story tall ceilings, and a mirror along the upper half of the wall, giving the place an even airier effect.

But Aelin didn’t have time to gape, so she strolled up to the desk, smiling in greeting at the blonde receptionist. Miss DuVency her name tag said, the lady she’d spoken to on the phone.

“Excuse me,” she said, waiting a bit impatiently as the receptionist typed away at her computer, taking a few moments before glancing up, a frown on her face.

“Can I help you?” She said, her cheerful tone clearly faked. Aelin was a bit affronted, but answered calmly.

“Yes, I’m Celaena Sardothien, I’m here for my audition with Mr. Hamel,” she said, raising her brows.

“One moment,” the lady murmured before snatching up the phone on her desk, dialing a few numbers. “Hi, Mr. Ha-“

A pause. The woman nodded.

“Okay,” she confirmed, “I’ll send her up now.” Aelin furrowed her brows, barely having time to question how he knew she was already here before she was being shuffled toward the elevator, past other people patiently waiting their turns in the lobby. The receptionist left her as the doors were shutting, and Aelin just stood there chewing on her lip as she went up to the next level.

Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked down the short hallway, her eyes immediately catching on the door with the name Arobynn Hamel printed on it. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She could do this.

“Come in,” a smooth male voice said, and Aelin pushed open the door, eyes wide as she hesitantly walked in. At the desk, there was Arobynn Hamel himself. Auburn hair, cool grey eyes, and a smile as he saw her. A quick glance to the right had her looking out over the lobby, a window that could be nothing else but the mirror she had seen below.

So that’s how he’d known she was here.

“Welcome, Ms. Sardothien,” he greeted, standing up from his seat. “Thank you for taking the time to come out here this morning.”

“No, thank you for the opportunity,” she replied, nodding her head and clutching her purse as she stood in the middle of the room. She had a monologue prepared, was ready to read lines if she had to, to improv or whatever, she was ready for anything he could throw her way. She wouldn’t screw this up.

But all he did was type something on his computer before perusing her with his eyes, tapping the desk contemplatively as she stood there.

“If you’re wondering how we knew to contact you,” Mr. Hamel said, and she raised her brows, “my associate, Tern, was at an audition of yours the other day, and brought you to my attention.”

Aelin’s brows furrowed, she didn’t remember seeing anyone besides the staff from the film at the audition. But she ignored it, staying silent as he continued talking.

“ I figured I might as well look into it.” He stood up, crossing his arms behind his back as he headed out from behind the desk. Aelin kept her eyes on him. “So tell me a bit about yourself, Ms. Sardothien.” This she could do.

“Well,” she began, hooking her hands together in front of her. “I’m originally from Orynth, and I majored in Film Studies in college there. Since being in Rifthold, I’ve landed several smaller roles, my most recent being a commercial for the company Bria-”

“No no,” he cut her off, shaking his head. “I already have your resume.” True, it was in the file of paperwork she’d emailed the receptionist when going back and forth with the audition details. “I want to know more about you, not what you’ve done.” Aelin hesitated. “I make it my mission to have a more personal relationship with all of my clients.” A bit of hope rose in her at the words. It certainly sounded like she was being seriously considered. “So what makes up Celaena Sardothien.”

Nothing really, given the fact that it was a fake name, but she composed herself, absorbing her two identities into one.

“Well, I’m twenty two years old,” she started, “and I’m from Orynth, like I said.”

“What about your parents?” He asked, beginning to circle her contemplatively. Aelin tried to keep her eyes on him the whole time, but she couldn’t, so she just kept her back straight, ignoring the way his gaze was putting her on edge.

“Dead,” she murmured quietly. Even if the words weren’t true, it was easier than explaining the truth.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said, bowing his head sympathetically. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she kept talking.

“Thank you,” she replied, taking a deep breath.

“What about your other interests?” He asked. “Besides acting of course.” He chuckled, and the sound relaxed her a bit, fulfilling the purpose of the joke, and she chuckled too, trying to calm herself down. She didn’t want to have to name five things, not here, not now.

“I like reading,” she supplied, tracking him as he moved, “and I used to play piano. My boyfriend tries to encourage me to play more, but we don’t have a piano in our apartment so I can’t really,” she babbled. Mr. Hamel came to a stop in front of her, leaning against the desk.

“Boyfriend?” He questioned, and Aelin smiled unconsciously.

“Yes,” she said, softly at the thought of him. “His name is Rowan. We’ve been dating since we met in college.”

“Hm.” The sound was short, and she furrowed her brows.

“Is there an issue?” She asked, confused.

“I just want to be sure you’re really committed,” he said airily, and a shot of nerves went through her. “Other clients I’ve had with significant others tend to … not give everything that it takes.”

“You won’t have to worry about that,” she assured, “Rowan is very supportive, so he won’t stand in the way or cause any problems.” Mr. Hamel’s face tightened, but he smiled.

“That’s good to know.” He crossed back behind his desk, sliding smoothly into his chair and leaning back in it, leaving her standing alone. “So why do you want to be represented by my agency?” He tilted his head.

“Well, this agency is the best one in the country, maybe even the world,” she flattered, smiling prettily. She wasn’t above using her looks. “And it’s been my dream since I was little to be a film star. I believe that you can help me get there. And it would be an honor to be able to work with someone of your prestige and experience.”

He smiled again, something hidden in it that she couldn’t identify. “Well then, Celaena Sardothien. I’ll make you a star.”

-----------

Aelin couldn’t hold back her grin as she practically flew down the street, her purse clutched in her hand as she pushed past people. Only a short walk left.

They were filming at their small studio today, Rowan had told her this morning, so that’s where she was headed, a radiant smile that she was sure was drawing attention on her face as she made her way.

Gods, she was so unbelievably happy. So godsdamned happy. This was her chance, her moment. She was finally getting a chance. Sure, she didn’t actually have a role yet, but this was just one step closer. Or more like ten steps closer. With the name Arobynn Hamel behind her, she would be taken much more seriously.

She giggled with happiness as she pushed open the door to the small building. After searching the front room and finding no one there, she headed toward the back, to the door that she knew would lead to the larger warehouse-like room that they converted for all of their different films. She’d been here a few times, but not nearly as much as he was.

Just then, a side door to an office, and a familiar blonde popped out.

“Hey Ace,” Fenrys called out, shooting her a smile as he made his way up to her, clearly heading for the front office. Because Rowan still called her Aelin and not Celaena, and because she still thought of herself as Aelin, his coworkers knew her real identity, although they’d been sworn to a joking secrecy. It wasn’t uncommon for actors to use a stage name, it was just easier if the number of people who knew who she used to be was limited. “Looking for Rowan?”

“Yep,” she said, smiling back at the man. “I have some good news to share.” He chuckled, and tilted his head to gesture toward the back, where she had been heading anyway.

“He’s back there,” he said, “maybe you'll be able to cheer him up.” His expression darkened. “Maeve’s keeping him late tonight, pushing him to finish all the scenes for the week.” Aelin frowned. They focused on her struggles so much that it was easy to forget that he was struggling too.

She nodded and murmured her thanks as she headed back toward the door, pushing it open and smiling again as she saw Rowan. He was facing away from her, leaning over a tripod as he fiddled with a camera, swearing. A few other people lingered around the set, talking to a dark haired woman, Maeve, the boss of the company. But they were all a good distance away from him, so Aelin crept up behind him, smiling before she threw herself against him, hugging him around the waist.

He jerked in shock, but quickly turned around in her arms, wrapping her up in his arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Hey love,” he greeted warmly, and even when he released her, she stayed tightly against him, soaking in his warmth. Gods she loved him so much. She didn’t know what she would do without him. “What’s up?” He asked, a mischievous smile on his face.

“Oh nothing much,” she played along, “I had a pretty boring day actually. What about you?”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling through her. “Not much either, just chugging along you know.” He looked down at her, his eyes crinkling as he smiled, a soft look full of love that made her blush slightly. But her grin was growing again, and it was only another moment before she was blurting out

“I got in!” She giggled, shaking her head and moving the curtain of hair that fell around her face. Rowan swept her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he hugged her tightly, laughing too.

“That’s amazing, Fireheart,” he said into her hair, and she closed her eyes, burying her face into his neck. “I’m so fucking proud of you.” Emotion was clear in his voice, and tears pricked her own eyes as he spoke. “I knew you would,” he continued, “they’d be fools to turn you down.”

Aelin grinned as he set her down, spinning her quickly.

“It went much more smoothly than I was expecting,” she said, brows furrowing as she thought of the encounter. “He didn’t even have me read lines or anything.”

“He?” Rowan questioned, and she nodded.

“Yeah, I was interviewed by Mr. Arobynn Hamel himself,” she said dramatically, but she frowned when he furrowed his brows.

“What did you do at the audition then? If not lines. Did you recite the monologue you prepared?” He asked, sliding his arms down to hold her hands.

She shook her head. “No, he just asked me questions about myself.” She shrugged. “It was pretty easy.” She could practically hear the gears turning in his head, but then he smiled, shoving the thoughts away.

“Well I’m absolutely thrilled for you,” he said, leaning down quickly to steal a kiss from her. “This is huge.”

“I know,” she said, “this is everything I’ve been waiting for.” They shared a soft smile.

“Let’s go out to eat tonight,” Rowan proposed, twiddling their fingers where they were connected, “to celebrate.” She nodded, laughing a bit. They didn’t go out very often, in an attempt to save money, but this could be an exception. “I have to stay a bit longer to finish up here,” he groused, “but then I’ll sweep you away on a romantic getaway in the city. Does that sound good?”

She giggled and nodded again. “Of course. Anything for my loving boyfriend.”

“And anything for my wonderful and spectacular girlfriend.” He kissed her gently yet deeply, a claiming kiss that made her knees weak. He pulled away too soon, both of them breathing deeply. “I’ll see you at home, Fireheart.”

“I’ll see you at home,” she replied, even if her home was right there in front of her.

————

Their dinner that evening was full of soft touches and secret smiles, quiet conversation held at a small back table in the fancy restaurant they were at. Aelin was far too distracted by the way the candles lit up the planes of his face, and she knew he was distracted by the way she looked that night.

They were definitely splurging on the food, but the chocolate hazelnut cake they’d shared had been absolutely worth it. Of course, she ate more than him, and just had to embarrass him by moaning at the deliciousness of it, but all in all, it was nice to do something nice for themselves now and then.

And now, on their slow walk home, Aelin couldn’t imagine any place she’d rather be. Yes, sometimes she missed the comforts of wealth, the old childhood desire for her parents’ love, but she’d grown pretty much past that, and now, everything she wanted was right there next to her.

She clutched his waist, leaning into him as they walked down the street. His arm came up around her shoulders, holding her tight as they walked in silence. She sighed, a small smile on her face.

As they walked home, she watched the city go by. At this time of night, there weren’t many people out and about, a few other couples wandering home just like them and some stragglers that looked a little worse for wear. Lights were still blinking in some of the buildings, streetlights and signs lit up, and her eyes caught on one as they passed.

It was one of the oldest movie theaters in the city, The Stygian Theater, with the classic architecture and the signs on the front, listing out the movies showing right now.

It was lit up with the classic light bulbs, surrounding the black lettering.

The Blood Oath

Starring Dorian Havilliard and Nehemia Ytger

Rowan tracked her gaze, following it until he landed on the same sign.

“You’ll be up there one day,” he said, squeezing her shoulder. “One day soon.”

“And you’ll be dating a movie star,” she joked, referencing his joke from earlier. Rowan laughed.

“Yes I will.” He pinched her shoulder. “Then we’ll both be living the dream.”

—————

Aelin giggled in between kisses as they managed to move into the bedroom, staying as close as possible and tripping over each other’s feet as they went.

“I love you,” he murmured, pressing light kisses all over her face. She nipped at his bottom lip to get him to kiss her mouth again, drawing him in by dragging her tongue across it. Rowan cradled her face, keeping her close and devouring her as they stumbled toward the bed.

The backs of her knees hit the edge and she fell, pulling him down with her so he was covering her. His kisses traveled down to her neck, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling his hardness against the spot she needed him most, and she groaned as he began to rock into her, nipping at the delicate skin behind her ear as her eyes rolled back into her head.

“Off,” she said as she tugged at his shirt, laughing as he cursed and pulled back to yank the buttons undone, throwing the shirt to the side and revealing his miles of tanned muscle, the smooth skin making her mouth water. Aelin pulled him back down, hands sliding over his back, his shoulders, his neck, trying to feel every inch of him, but he didn’t let her for too long, grabbing her wrists with a hand and holding them above her head, pressing them against the pillow as his teeth traveled down her neck, edging toward the neckline of her dress.

Her eyes closed and she let out a gasp as he used his free hand to roughly grab her breast, massaging it while he used his teeth to pull the strap of her dress off her shoulder. Her core was heating, and she rocked up against him as he pulled her dress all the way down to her waist, baring her chest to him.

Aelin moaned deeply as he wrapped his mouth around a nipple, laving at it as she panted, her breaths getting caught in her throat. His other hand worked at her other breast, rubbing and pinching and circling the peak as she sighed.

Soon enough, his hand was traveling down her body, brushing lightly down her bare stomach and making her shiver. He pushed her dress down until she was kicking it off, leaving her in her underwear. He then released her hands dragging both of his down to roughly grab her hips, edging his body down until he was between her legs.

“Gods,” she breathed, grabbing his hair as his nose brushed over the fabric of her panties, right over where she needed him. Rowan chuckled, the sound and the vibration sending a shock of heat through her, and she fell back onto the bed, her attempt to push herself to her elbows failing.

He tugged her panties to the side, licking a long stripe up her folds. Aelin moaned, whimpering as he pulled back, curling his fingers against the sensitive skin below her navel. She tugged on his hair as he dropped his hand to brush over her clit, teasing the sensitive nub before dropping to her folds, brushing them open with a finger.

“Rowan,” she sighed as he slipped the finger in, attacking her clit with his tongue. And after a few moments, after he inserted another finger, curling it and reaching that sensitive spot inside of her, while circling her clit with his tongue, she broke, shattering into her orgasm.

He kept up his ministrations as she shuddered, clenching around him. And he was panting too by the time she came down, dazed and turned on even more by the look in his eyes, especially as he crawled back up over her, licking the wetness off of his fingers, her wetness.

Aelin began pulling at his pants, desperate to feel him inside her. “I need you,” she breathed, and he cursed, unzipping and yanking his pants off, pulling his undershorts off with them. He slid her underwear off too, ghosting his hands down her legs and tossing them aside before crawling back up and kissing her roughly.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Aelin Galathynius,” he whispered into her lips, “I love you so fucking much.” She whimpered, and then… she was full, so godsdamned full.

He stretched her out more than she had ever thought was possible, but the feeling was glorious. They paused for a moment, their breaths intermingling as she stared into his green eyes, seeing the love and desire radiating through him.

And then he began moving, and her world stopped.

Every thrust into her started a new fire in her, making her sigh and gasp and moan his name, his groans into the skin of her neck making her eyes roll back into her head. Even after years together, she’d never gotten tired of this. And she didn’t think she ever would.

Her legs wrapped tightly around him, her arms clutching his neck, and she kept him as close as possible until she shattered yet again, falling off that cliff of desire, feeling his warmth inside her as she pulled him with her.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he breathed as he pulled out, each phrase punctuated with another kiss to her sweaty face and hair. “I love you.” Aelin barely managed to murmur the words back, too overcome.

He was her everything, her one and only, and she was so godsdamned lucky he was in her life.

————

The next few months flew by quickly. She’d been carted to audition after audition, getting much farther than she ever had before, scoring several callbacks, especially when she threw out the name Arobynn Hamel, or when the staff for a film got a call from the man himself, nudging her forward as a candidate.

But despite the ease of her getting into the agency, she’d had to work just as hard as she had before to keep her spot and to work toward getting an actual role. Name recognition certainly helped, but she was pushing herself just the same.

Arobynn had helped with that, getting her access to lines for an audition beforehand and running them with her in his office before she went. She certainly was grateful for his assistance, she always felt like she was more prepared than she’d ever been for an audition.

Especially this one. One she’d been anticipating with nerves, excitement, and fear all wrapped up in a big ball of trepidation.

It was the perfect film for her, the perfect role. It was set in the old days of film, with the old glamorous stars and the old classy clothing. It was everything she’d grown up watching, everything she’d dreamed of doing. She just had to get the job.

So she had to do well at the audition, which meant she had to be well rested, which was a problem, because Aelin couldn’t sleep.

She shifted again, rolling over and huffing when she still felt sleep drift away from her yet again.

It was the damn audition the next day that was stressing her out, keeping her brain spinning and spinning out of nerves and anticipation. She wanted that role, she wanted it so bad. And because of that, she couldn’t relax.

“You’re still up?” Rowan’s groggy voice came from the other side of the bed, and she turned to look at him, finding him wiping his eyes tiredly before looking at her.

“I can’t fall asleep,” she grumbled, dropping her head forward onto his shoulder. His hand came up to brush her hair, movements weak with sleepiness. An idea struck her and she looked up at him, eyes bright. “Can you sing to me? That may help me calm down.”

He chuckled lightly, but he wrapped his arms around her too, rolling onto his back and pulling her so she was laying on top of him, her head on his chest so she could hear every heartbeat.

“I should learn how to play the guitar someday so there’s actual music for this,” he joked quietly, the words rumbling deliciously into her own skin. Aelin smiled, bringing a hand up to caress his face lightly, slipping down to his shoulder when he started singing, the gentle words a rasp in the quiet room.

“Crystal dream,” He hummed, “Cali queen.” She closed her eyes, letting the words to their song wash over her. “Radiant hand, vibrant sand.” Her breaths evened out, feeling the grasp of sleep. “I’m shocked, it’s a golden thing she’s got.”

She was asleep before the next words reached her ears.

——-

Aelin sighed, shaking her hands out and rolling her head to try and release some tension. The waiting room in the bland building was filled with some other people, a few girls who didn’t necessarily look just like her. The appearance required wasn’t specified in the casting call, and it seemed like that was followed. Which was all for the best anyway, it would help her stand out even more.

“You’ll do fine, darling. Stop worrying,” Arobynn’s voice crooned, and she nodded, vaguely agreeing with him while chewing on her lip. He was likely right, she’d read the lines so many times, reciting them in the shower, while she worked at the restaurant, forgetting customer’s orders in favor of her lines, while she was in bed with Rowan, cuddling up to him as he read the lines with her, holding the paper and helping her through the scene.

There weren’t many for him to say, as most of it was her. The audition description said to pick your favorite monologue from a movie from that era, and she’d combed through her collection, finding the one she thought she could perform best.

She was ready. She was ready.

“Yes, you are,” Arobynn said, and she looked up in shock, realizing she’d said the words out loud. But he gave her a reassuring look and she smiled weakly. He’d insisted on coming with her to this audition, although he didn’t really need to. Sure, it was kind of nice having someone there, Rowan had wanted to but he’d gotten tied up at work, but it was a bit odd nonetheless. “You won’t fail this time,” he added, and her smile faded.

Because that’s what everything prior to this was. Failure. And she was determined not to fail again.

So when the casting assistant stuck her head out of the door, calling for Celaena Sardothien, she steeled herself, breathing deeply. She would succeed. She wouldn’t disappoint anyone else.

Walking into the room, she was a bit numb, and she barely registered the three people sitting at the table in front of her, so similar a set up to so many other auditions she’d been to.

“Okay, Miss Sardothien,” the one in the middle said, and she breathed again, centering herself. She could do this. She could do this. She could do this.

“Begin.”

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

Text

An angsty Rowaelin short fic loosely based on the song Deja Vu by Olivia Rodrigo.

TW: depression, anxiety (E rating)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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Deja Vu

Guys this is it! The last part to Deja Vu and I couldn't be happier :))) I am posting this way earlier than I expected so hopefully I tied all my ends and didn't miss anything. I love the support for this short fic and all the love its gotten. Thank you guys for all of your kindness and enjoy!

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

wordcount // 1401

*****

Rowan couldn’t believe the sight before his eyes. The strongest woman he knew, the same woman who just waltzed in only an hour before with the swagger and confidence unlike any other he had seen, was crumpled on the floor of the elevator. Aelin’s makeup was starting to run down her face as the tears dropped down her face. Her chest was heaving at a rapid rate, spiking Rowan’s concern even more.

He couldn’t have imagined that his little comment would cause such emotional damage to her, only looking to show Aelin a bit of his humor. Rowan thought she was cunning for making a fake account to keep tabs on him all these years. He was even flattered by the thought, happy that she wasn’t as detached as she presented herself to be. She had sent a peace offering by giving him her coffee, and Rowan was looking to reciprocate the jester. Because maybe, just maybe they could be in each other’s lives again. Not as lovers, but as friends. And if being friends was too much, then acquaintances would be just fine. Whatever Aelin was comfortable with, and at whatever level she would allow him.

But looking at Aelin’s small frame on the floor, all ideas of a friendship seemed to evaporate right before his eyes. Rowan’s gut recoiled at the fact that his words had done this to her. He had once promised to never hurt her and he hadn’t ever wanted to break that promise, even after the breakup. Rowan had seen her during Dorian’s debut, sitting silently next to Arobynn, seemingly ignorant to all the chaos surrounding her in the audience. When she bolted for the door early, it solidified that something was off. His seat was on the far end of the podium, and since questions for Dorian had started, Rowan wasn’t really needed. With a flimsy excuse to use the bathroom to Lyria, Rowan had walked out that same door looking for Aelin. He had no idea what he would even say to her, only that he needed to make sure she was okay.

Now, Rowan crouched down next to her at a loss for words. He had done this. The mantra rang inside his head over and over again but he had to do something.

“Fireheart?” The word was tentative as Rowan looked to her face for a reaction. The nickname was a favorite of Rowan’s from when they were dating and he hadn’t spoken it outloud since the day they broke up. Aelin finally acknowledged his presence, surprise clear on her face. She was biting her bottom lip, the skin already torn with blood pooling on top. Rowan grazed his thumb along her jaw, willing her to relax and stop her from hurting herself no matter how little.

For a moment, Aelin looked truly relaxed. Her eyes slowly drifted close and her top teeth released her bottom lip, a deep exhale whooshing out of her. Rowan let his guard down at this, relieved at the sight. But in that same second, Aelin’s eyes shot open, the gates of hell flaming in her eyes.

All Rowan felt was a sharp pain, barely recognizing what happened. He tumbled backward from his lack of balance in the awkward crouched position, registering that Aelin had just slapped him. Gods above this was already going to be the fight of his life. Aelin shot her hand out, pushing the bright red emergency button, stopping the elevator in its tracks. And then she was screaming in such anguish that Rowan’s heart broke at the sight.

“How could you! You bastard, how could you! Of all the ways you could’ve told me that you knew the account was mine, you decided to ridicule me to my face!”

Shit.

“Aelin, wait no that’s not what I-”

“I couldn’t give a fuck about what you do in your freetime, laughing to your friends about me, laughing to Lyria about me. But at least have an ounce of decency and keep it civil to my damn face. We are professionals for gods sakes. I-”

“Aelin.” Rowan interrupted her mid sentence, unwilling to hear more about the imaginable mocking that Aelin thought herself the victim of. Rowan would say his own truth, no matter the consequences and Aelin was going to listen to him. Rowan felt like he was trying to tame a wild tiger, slowly inching closer to her across the small elevator space.

“I never meant to hurt you when I made that joke earlier. I thought you felt more open talking to me when you handed me that coffee. I just wanted to see you smile, and my joke was ill at best but I really was trying. I only figured out it was your account last night and there was no mocking. I didn’t even tell The Cadre or Lyria, I swear.” Aelin looked confused, timid, stressed, and a bit hopeful. Aelin started walking towards him as well, slowly but surely. Taking that as a cue to continue, Rowan kept going, more confident than before.

“I would never make fun of you, behind your back or to your face, Fireheart, even after all these years. I made a promise to never hurt you, and I intend to keep it until my dying days. Words can’t even express how relieved I was to know that you still kept tabs on me. My love for you has never dimmed after all these years, and I would never judge you for doing what you felt was right. Whether that be breaking up with me, making a fake puppy account to check in every so often and whatever else you see fit. I need you to know that Aelin.” Rowan and Aelin were inches apart as he reached for her hand. Rowan finally breathed for the first time since his little confession when Aelin’s slender fingers wrapped around his own.

“What about Lyria?” Aelin’s voice was barely a whisper, the words so light he almost missed it. Rowan’s body tensed at the name, his own body language revealing how he truly felt. Aelin started to pull away from the warmth of his body, already regretting the question when she was pulled back into his arms as they wrapped around her waist.

“Aelin, I’m not going to say that I regret dating her. I was in a dark place when we broke up, and she provided a distraction from all the complicated feelings I didn’t want to face, that I still haven’t even. But….. that doesn’t mean the way I feel about her even compares to you. I told Lyria going into our relationship that I still wasn’t over you and that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I love you and only you, Fireheart. No one can compare, even when we are apart.”

Aelin let the tears fall freely down her face, the source being one of happiness and relief instead of anguish.

“I just…. I just was so confused Rowan. I felt so alone when you weren’t there in Rifthold and you just looked so happy in Doranelle. I can’t even begin to describe my train of thought, but I just always thought you would be better if you weren’t chained to me anymore. I wanted you to succeed in Doranelle, and I was an obstacle.” Rowan looked ready to interrupt her, but Aelin shushed him with a touch to his lips with her fingers.

“I realize now how warped that was, but at the time it felt right. All that I have done, and will do, is to ensure your happiness, even at the cost of mine. I have never stopped loving you either and it’s about time I fucking told you.” Aelin chuckled at her own stupidity, at both of theirs.

They stood there holding each other in that small elevator, ignoring the rest of the world and their responsibilities for just a moment in time. Aelin had to still deal with Arobynn and find a way to prosper in her own path, but with Rowan at her side. The same could be said for him, and his future and of course the Lyria factor. But they would figure it out slowly, because now they had one another’s help. Their love was something unworldly, and allowing themselves to indulge in that love could only lead to good. Fuck everybody else.

*****

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@rowaelinismyotp

@morganofthewildfire

@throneofmak

@whimsicallyreading

@live-the-fangirl-life

@swankii-art-teacher

@courtofjurdan

@superspiritfestival

@surielandiareendgame

@story-scribbler

@rowanaelinn

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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I don't have much to say about this... it just happened

Actually: credit to my friend @throneofmak for the idea and for the insistence that I write this 😂

CW: NSFW, not suitable for readers under 18

~7k words

---------------------------------

Aelin Galathynius had long ago decided that Rowan Whitethorn wasn’t worth the effort. Obnoxious, rude, selfish with a superiority complex that hadn’t shaken in the decade or so she’d known him. They butted heads every time they were in the same room together, arguing constantly, much to the chagrin of their friends. Because like it or not, they were forced to be in the same friend group. Aedion, her cousin, was one of Rowan’s best friends, and Aedion was engaged to Lysandra, one of Aelin’s best friends. And then you add in the others, like Elide, Lorcan, Fenrys, etc, it was a whole mosh pit of people.

And therefore neither of them could avoid seeing each other.

Group hangouts at the bar, or at one of their apartments, or going to see a movie or something, led to them inevitably arguing, leading to inevitable chaos and inevitable exasperation from everyone else in the room. She didn’t know when it had started specifically, just that for as long as she’d known him, she hadn’t cared to.

But she tried to put that aside as much as she could, especially now, sitting in the car on the way to a beach trip with Aedion, Lysandra, and… Rowan.

She hadn’t wanted him to come, but Rowan’s cousin was letting them borrow his beach house for the weekend, so they were forced to invite him. Well, Aelin was forced, the others were fine with him tagging along.

Aelin just also wasn’t happy about it because she knew she’d be stuck with him most of the trip. Lysandra and Aedion were together obviously, and Lysandra was five months pregnant, meaning Aedion was going to be a mother hen and Lysandra wasn’t going to be that active. She didn’t want to be around Rowan that much, but she wanted to go to the beach, she wanted to tan and swim and soak up the sun, so she’d just have to deal with his presence.

It wasn't difficult in the car, as she just chatted with Lysander the whole time, even if Aedion was driving so Aelin was next to Rowan in the backseat.

And the first night had been fine, with a quick walk on the beach and then pizza and a movie for dinner. Rowan and Aelin had sat on opposite sides of the living room from each other, shooting conspicuous glares at each other every time the other said something or did something too loud.

But that was nothing out of the ordinary. Lysandra had gone to bed early, and Aedion had followed her quickly, unsurprisingly. After that, Rowan and Aelin had been alone, but Rowan quickly went out to the balcony for a beer and Aelin had traversed down to the beach again, taking in the sights and the smells and breathing in the ocean.

She loved the ocean, the freedom of it, and it was always nice to get away and visit it.

She hadn’t talked to Rowan before going to sleep.

But the next morning, the next day really, was when everything went wrong.

------------

“Aelin!” Lysandra called through the wooden door, banging on it and making Aelin jolt awake. “Get your lazy ass up! We’re going down to the beach!”

Aelin groaned, rubbing her eyes and pushing herself up onto her hands. The bright daylight seeped through the curtains, and it was only then that she realized how late it must be. Gods, she’d gone to bed way too late the night before.

“Aelin!” She repeated, and the blonde girl shoved the comforter back, slowly pushing herself to a stand.

“I’m coming,” she grumbled. “Give me five minutes.”

“Okay,” Lysandra replied. “Rowan is already down there getting set up so we’ll meet you there.”

“Does that buzzard ever sleep?” Aelin snorted as she reached tiredly for her brush, running it roughly through her hair. “Or does he survive off of pure spite?”

“You’re one to talk,” Lysandra laughed. “Just try not to fight with him today, okay? Do it for my poor, pregnant self.” Aelin grumbled an agreement and her friend left, leaving her alone to get ready.

After brushing her hair, she braided it in a single braid down her back, tying it and dropping it quickly. She didn’t bother putting on any makeup, just brushing her teeth and washing her face before reaching for her suitcase, pulling out one of the many bikinis she’d brought.

The one she’d picked today was a rich dark red, with a thin top that was connected by a gold chain, hitting delicately between her breasts. The bottom was similar, with a gold chain connecting the fabric around her hips. It was sexy but classy at the same time, and it was one of her favorites.

She slid a thin white coverup dress over top and then headed out to the living room, snatching a towel from the bag on the floor. She had to give it to Rowan, or at least his family, the place was nice. It had a perfect beachy vibe while also maintaining elegance and updated appliances.

Aelin begrudgingly had to admit that she was thankful he’d let them stay there. Not that she would ever tell him that. No, the moment she pranced her way down to their private beach access, plopping down next to Lysandra, who was resting in a low chair, her bump out and a floppy hat on her head, and Aedion, who was tanning on a towel nearby, she ignored Rowan, who sat as far away as possible from her, sitting in a chair himself, reading some dumb history book.

She normally wouldn’t judge anyone for reading, after all she loved it herself, but something about him just made everything he did irksome.

Aelin caught him looking at her as she stripped off her cover up, and when she raised her brows at him, he just rolled his eyes.

“Do you have a problem?” She tilted her head at him.

“Here we go,” Aedion muttered, and Lysandra sighed.

“I’m just disappointed in myself for being surprised that you dressed so ostentatiously.” Rowan shrugged, turning back to his book. He wasn’t under the canopy, so the sun was streaking across his skin, highlighting his muscles as he moved. That was another thing that annoyed her about him. He was hot. She couldn’t change that fact. And she hated that she was attracted to him. It was just her body betraying her stubbornness yet again.

“Well I’m disappointed in myself for thinking that you could ever get your head out of your ass, but here we are.” She shrugged too in a mockery of his before stretching out on her towel, dropping her sunglasses over her eyes dramatically and turning away from him.

Aelin knew there was much more he wanted to say to her, much more vicious words that they only saved for times when they weren’t around her cousin, when their barbs and fights wouldn’t be stopped. But they weren’t alone right now, so they promptly ignored each other, him going back to his book and her closing her eyes, soaking in the sun.

Even if every once in a while she could feel his gaze burning on her skin.

And it didn’t take long for Aelin to get bored just laying there, and when she looked up to find someone to bother, she found Lysandra sleeping and Aedion going back up to the house, probably getting food. Rowan was nowhere to be found, but she shrugged that off, pushing herself to a stand with a groan.

A nice swim in the water would be a good way to break up the monotony.

So she tossed off her sunglasses, stretching a bit before heading down to the waves. The water was cold at first, yet refreshing, so she only shivered once before diving under a wave, smoothing back her wet hair and wiping off her face once she emerged.

Gods, she loved the ocean. It was a bit rough out there, to where she couldn’t see everything around her, but Aelin just leaned back, floating in the water on her back and closing her eyes, letting it all sink in. But then she felt something underneath her, a disturbance in the water, and she froze, hoping it was just a fish passing by.

After a moment, she calmed down, thinking it was gone… and then something yanked on her foot, dragging her underneath the waves. She screamed as she was submerged under the water, fighting to get away from whatever was holding her. Aelin kicked at it, holding her breath desperately until she managed to hit something, hearing a grunt, and then she was released.

She broke the surface gasping for air, chest heaving as she struggled to stay above. And then Rowan emerged a few feet in front of her and she realized what had happened.

“You ass!” She lunged forward and socked him in the shoulder. “You could’ve killed me!” He was just laughing at her, what should’ve been teasing turning spiteful from his mouth.

“Loosen up,” he spit. “You’re fine.” He treaded water, staying above the water line, and she swam at him again, hitting him in the arm this time.

“And?!” She yelled. “What if I had asthma or something? What if I accidentally swallowed water and then you had to explain to my cousin why I suddenly drowned or developed a tape worm or some other bacteria? Ugh!” Aelin splashed water at him, making sure it landed in his eyes.

Rowan rolled his eyes. “Does your tendency for dramatics just increase as time goes on? Or is today special?”

“I’d hardly say I’m being dramatic,” she hissed, splashing at him again.

“Asthma?” He repeated. “You don’t have asthma.” He shook his head. “You’re too obsessed with talking about yourself for me not to know that.”

“And here I was thinking you were too much of a dick to listen to a single thing I said.” The words were sarcastic, her arms flailing about and spraying water as she raged at him.

“It’s kinda hard not to when you scream everything like the entire world wants to know what you have to say.” He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, adjusting his position until he undoubtedly found a spot where his long legs could touch the ground. Aelin unfortunately could not say the same for herself; she was still using half her energy to float, the other half was spent being angry at him.

“Better than having no one who wants to listen to you, right? You would know what that feels like.” She glared, not even waiting for his rebuttal before continuing her attack. “But I guess I shouldn’t pretend to ask for your advice when I really couldn’t care less about anything you say or do.”

“You’re such a child,” he spat, “spitting immature insults like you're in the fourth grade.” She laughed humorlessly.

“If I’m a child then you’re an ancient bastard,” she hissed, “so cranky and lonely that you can’t get your head out of your ass and see that no one else wants to put up with your bullshit.”

“I’m not the problem here, Aelin.” He said her name like a taunt, and she scoffed. “You can call me a bastard but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a brat. And a worthless one too.” It was the same arguments they always had, the same insults and barbs, and she was fed up with it.

So “Fuck you,” was all she said before turning around in the water, managing to propel herself forward until her feet hit the sand beneath her. She didn’t care if Rowan followed, if he bothered to try and continue their fight, or if he would just stew out in the water and glare at her as she retreated.

But she soon discovered a problem with walking toward the shore, she couldn’t see the waves behind her. And when a particularly strong one hit her, she didn’t have enough time to brace herself before she was pulled underwater yet again.

The rough water pulled her all over the place under the waves, dragging her this way and that until she could finally get her bearings, the saltiness making her cough as Rowan helped haul her out. He looked concerned as she surfaced, his warm hand on her arm, but she just glared and flung it off, trying to salvage her pride by being dismissive.

Gods. Why did she have to lose her cool constantly around him?

She pushed her now loose hair behind her ears, the braid officially gone, as she stormed back to shore, trudging up the sand to their little camp. Aedion was still gone but Lysandra was awake, looking at her with exasperated amusement as Aelin plopped back on her towel.

“You just can’t stop yourself, can you?” The brunette girl shook her head teasingly. Aelin just sighed, not needing to respond for the answer to be clear.

No, she couldn’t.

———-

The afternoon was deceptively normal, Aelin’s solitary lunch and reading time quite relaxing, not at all disrupted by a certain silver haired “gentleman”. So she wasn’t too surprised when the evening ended up being one straight from hell.

I mean, what else could she expect?

Or at least, she should mend her statement. It started out as hell, she didn’t really know how to describe the rest.

“Agh,” Lysandra had complained that late afternoon, when they were all back out on the sand after lunch. She clutched her stomach. “The baby is really going to town.” She winced, and Aedion sat up, concern etched on his Ashryver features.

“Are you okay?” He asked, and his fiancé nodded. Aelin’s own brows were furrowed, her sunglasses abandoned in the fading daylight.

“Just a little… uncomfortable.” Lys winced again, drawing Rowan’s attention too this time, all three guests staring at the woman.

“Lysandra…” Aelin said, sitting up. If something was wrong with her, she needed to go to the hospital now. She couldn’t deal with another one of these, another loss. Not when every other loss still constantly haunted her in the back of her mind.

“I’m fine, Aelin,” she insisted, gritting her teeth. Aedion crouched next to her, hand immediately going to her back to give her support. “It’s just… cramping.” She hissed between her teeth, eyes squeezing shut.

“Okay, that’s it,” Aelin said, pushing herself to a stand. “You’re going to the hospital.” Lysandra immediately shook her head, but Aedion looked inclined to agree.

“Are you sure that’s necessary?” Rowan asked, and Aelin shot a murderous glare toward him. “She might be better off with some shade and some water.”

“And what do you know?” She spit. “Since when are you some sort of doctor?”

“Aelin,” Aedion sighed, exasperated, and she had the decency to stop.

“You should take her to the hospital, just in case,” she told her cousin, trying to look sincere. She tried to hide how her hands were shaking as she looked up at the woman, who was still wincing and clutching her swollen stomach. Aedion started nodding.

“Okay, yeah,” he agreed, pushing himself to a stand. “Yeah.” He reached both hands toward Lysandra, helping her to a stand. He looked back at her and Rowan. “We probably won’t be gone long, but we’ll update you when we hear anything.”

Aelin nodded. “Thank you, Aedion.” He nodded once at her in response, the look on his face revealing that he knew what she was really thanking him for. Not for the promise of an update, but for taking her to the hospital in the first place, listening to her silent plea to make sure everything was fine, just in case.

He helped Lysandra waddle back up to the house, her eyes tracking them until they disappeared into the house, worry filling her gut. Aelin didn’t even have enough space in her emotions left to yell at Rowan for suggesting she stay. In fact, she ignored him completely, rolling onto her stomach and turning her head to face away from where he sat in a low rising chair, his tan skin golden under the fading sun.

And thus began the long hours of waiting.

Or hour, really. The beach town they were in was small, so the hospital wasn’t busy and Lysandra was able to get seen pretty quickly.

Her and Rowan didn’t speak a single word that entire time, until her phone buzzed. A text from Aedion.

She immediately darted for it, her blue eyes skimming the screen before she even could process the words.

> Hey, Lys is fine

She let out a sigh of relief, feeling the anxiety festering in her finally calm.

> Rowan was right actually, the doctor said she probably shouldn’t have been at the beach for that long, especially cause she wasn’t drinking much water

> We’re about to be released, and then we’re going to stop and get some dinner somewhere. You and Rowan will be fine right?

She ignored the comment about Rowan being right, refusing to acknowledge it, and sent back a text of her own.

< That’s a relief, I’m glad she’s all right

< And yes you mother hen, we’ll be alright. Maybe a few more battle wounds to share when you get back, but nothing too serious

< Tell Lys to take care of herself

“Any news?”

Aelin looked up, meeting Rowan’s concerned face, an expression she wasn’t used to seeing on him. She cleared her throat, sitting up and locking her phone. The crash of the waves filled the awkward silence before she replied.

“She’s okay.” He loosed a breath, too similar to her first reaction. “She and Aedion are getting dinner before coming back.”

“What was wrong with her?”

She hesitated, not wanting to admit to him that he was right. But he just raised his brows, and she unwittingly answered.

“Too much sun,” her voice dropped to a murmur, having to force the words out, “not enough water.”

Rowan nodded contemplatively, his brows furrowing, before his features relaxed into a self satisfied smile. She groaned internally.

“So I was right,” he added unnecessarily. Aelin just muttered something under her breath, refusing to confirm it. She picked at her fingernails with her thumb, looking out at the ocean. “It’s okay to admit it, you know,” he taunted, “even you can agree that I’m right sometimes.”

“It’s hard to do when it’s such a rarity,” she said silkily, refusing to look at him.

“So even when it comes to your best friend’s health, you won’t admit that you were wrong?” He scoffed, and she finally darted her head to glare at him.

“Excuse me?” She hissed. “I don’t see what the problem is, you asshole.”

“You overreacted like always!” He threw his arm in exasperation. “She didn’t need to go to the hospital, and now she has all those bills to pay and she took the time and stress out of her vacation.” Aelin pushed herself to her feet, anger visceral.

“Don’t act like you know a single thing about me,” she hissed back. “I have my reasons for insisting she go, all of which have nothing to do with you.” She pushed back the torrent of memories threatening to break through.

“Oh really?” He rolled his eyes. “Reasons beyond your own arrogance?”

Aelin laughed incredulously. “Are you serious? You’re the one sitting here practically begging me to admit you’re right. You can’t exactly call me arrogant when that’s a trait seeping from every inch of your body.” A well toned body, unfortunately, something her eyes unconsciously caught at as he stood himself, his muscles rippling. “You’re a bastard, and that’s not something you can change.”

He prowled closer, green eyes glaring as he came to a stop less than a foot in front of her.

“You can’t use the same insults over and over again, Aelin,” he said a little more softly, like he was trying to eviscerate her a different way. “Have some creativity.” She scoffed, crossing her arms.

She didn’t miss the way his gaze tracked the movement.

“Why do we always do this Rowan?” She asked after a moment, shaking her head. “Why?”

“Why?” He replied, his brows shooting up. “I think all you need to do is take a good long look at yourself to answer that question.” Her face settled into a glare.

“You know,” she said, “I was trying to make even the tiniest of bridges here, and of course you had to burn it down. I don’t know why I even bother.” She stormed away, heading down the sand toward the edge of the water, kicking some up when she breached the first tiny wave.

But Rowan apparently chased after her, because he suddenly was grabbing her arm, spinning her around until they were practically chest to chest.

“Don’t walk away like that,” he spit, anger and something else lighting his eyes.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Aelin hissed. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you and your bullshit. You’re a selfish asshole who doesn’t deserve the friends he has, and yet you can’t even see that.” She laughed humorlessly. “I’m done with this.” She tore her arm away from him, tilting her head back to glare into his face.

“And what are you then? Some perfect human who does no wrong?” His voice was sarcastic, his head tilted as he stared down at her. “You’re nothing but an insufferable, worthless coward who sits around yelling at other people for what’s wrong in your own life.”

Aelin didn’t know what she was doing, couldn’t think beyond the rush of anger as her hand shot up, ready to strike him across the face. But his instincts were just as fast and he grasped her wrist, holding her there.

“Let go of me, you bastard,” she spit, tugging at her arm. Rowan just used it to pull her impossibly closer, his bare skin grazing across hers, and her breath caught. It didn’t escape his notice, and he smirked at her.

“Why should I?” He asked, his eyes dancing with a dangerous light. But he did regardless, and she used both of her hands to shove him, her hands pressing against his chest. The skin was warm and smooth, the muscle hard beneath her fingers, but she ignored how it made her own skin tingle.

Rowan stumbled back at her attack, but fought off her next shove by grabbing her wrists again, keeping his grip tight as she tried her best to get free.

“Fuck you,” she muttered between her gritted teeth as she struggled. He was smiling, no, he was laughing at her. Aelin managed to get one hand free and she shoved at him again, but this time as she stepped forward closer to him, she stumbled over the loose sand, and couldn’t stop herself from falling to the ground.

She unintentionally pulled Rowan with her, and he twisted so he wouldn’t crush her, her ending up on top of them as the small waves lapped against their legs, the sunset glinting across their skin and the sand beneath his back.

They were both breathing heavily, panting in time and staring into each other’s eyes, and then…

They were kissing.

Aelin didn’t know who made the first move, who crossed that divide between them, or maybe it was a mutual decision as they crashed together, their mouths moving passionately and intensely as they battled for dominance. This was just another type of fight after all.

Rowan managed to sit up, hands grasping her waist as he slanted his head, his tongue sliding across the slit of her lips. Aelin closed her eyes, grasping his hair roughly as he slid his tongue into her mouth, making sweeping movements that had her gasping into him. She tugged his hair as their movements turned even more frenzied, his hands no doubt leaving bruises on her hips as he devoured her.

Through their thin bathing suits, she could feel the hard line of him against her, and she couldn’t help but rock against it, the friction making her moan.

“I still think you’re a bastard,” she breathed between kisses, sighing as he traveled down to her neck.

“Be quiet.” He paired the words with a sharp bite to the delicate skin, and she unintentionally listened, letting her lips part as she let out another sigh. She made to rock against him again, her breath catching, but before she could, Rowan was flipping them. Aelin’s back landed against the sand, his warmth on top of her, and she couldn’t bring herself to complain.

So she let her head fall back against the sand as he once again pressed kisses to her neck, the feeling all too good. The simmering tension between them was finally breaking, and she couldn’t do anything but let it happen. She didn’t want to do anything but let it happen.

One of his hands stayed braced by her head as he brought his mouth back to hers, roughly claiming her lips in a heated kiss, as the other slid up her body, starting at her waist and gliding up her stomach and ribs, brushing the sensitive skin before roughly grabbing her breast, making her mouth pop open in a moan.

“Gods, Rowan,” she gasped, and he laughed darkly into her skin. He massaged her breast, thumb rubbing circles over her nipple as his mouth traveled across her cheekbone to nip at her ear, licking the edge of it before nibbling at her earlobe. She didn’t know she’d be into that, but gods she was into it.

“Touch yourself for me,” he whispered into that same ear, making her skin prickle, and heat rushed to her core as she slid one of her own hands down her body, her other hand still in his hair. Aelin’s eyes were squeezed tightly closed, and she breathed shakily as her fingers rubbed against her clothed center, the feeling of that plus the waves running up her skin every so often, made her insides jumble.

Rowan continued playing with her breast, switching between them often enough that she knew there would be little finger shaped bruises on them, not that she cared. Not as her hand slipped beneath her bathing suit bottoms, making her breaths unsteady as she dipped a finger to slide between her folds. A low moan escaped her.

Rowan’s breaths turned more into pants too as he pulled back to watch her, both hands now braced by her as his head tilted so he was able to stare intently at her movements, groaning as she inserted a finger into her entrance, her chest heaving. She crooked it just right and she gasped, the sound cut short as Rowan’s mouth covered hers, swallowing the moan as he roughly pried apart her lips, shoving his tongue inside.

He continued those motions, devouring her, as he simultaneously grabbed her arm, ripping it away from her bottom half and pressing it above her head, repeating with the other one until both her arms were pressed against the sand. Aelin was at his mercy, and ten minutes ago she might have protested at that, but now she didn’t care. She just needed to feel him.

She panted as he held her wrists with one hand, pulling away from her mouth and using the other to deftly untie her bathing suit top from around her neck. He groaned at the sight of her breasts as it fell down, but he didn’t pause to devour them as he untied the tie around her back, removing the top fully.

She didn’t know what his plan was until he was lifting the top, resourcefully tying it around her wrists to bound them together. Heat rushed through her.

“Please, Rowan.” She wasn’t above begging, needing him to do something. “Please.”

“So desperate for it, aren’t you?” He laughed darkly as he dipped his head to drag his tongue in a circle around her nipple.

“Yes,” she moaned, bringing her bound hands around his neck to keep him there. Rowan just roughly pushed them back, holding them above her head as he continued his ministrations. This time, when he moved his hand away, she left hers there, following his unspoken instructions.

And against the delicate skin between her breasts, he murmured “good girl. Keep begging.”

She nearly climaxed at that alone, even though he hadn’t even touched her yet. And he seemed to be waiting for her to continue, so she gave him what he wanted.

“Please, Rowan,” she breathed, “please touch me.” He groaned, sending shivers racing all over her body. His head dipped down, laving and nipping at her nipples, squeezing her breast roughly as one hand traveled down her body, dragging down across her skin until he got to her bathing suit bottoms, toying with the gold chain connecting the fabric on the side.

Somewhere deep in her mind, she knew Lysandra and Aedion would be getting back at some point, and she didn’t exactly want to find out what their reaction would be to her getting railed by her sworn enemy on the beach. But she wasn’t nearly rational enough to think of that.

Instead, all she did was drop her legs open, splaying herself open for him as he dragged his tongue down the center of her body, sinking into the surf as he neared her center. He licked a stripe up the fabric covering her while he slid a finger just into the top, tracing the sensitive skin, and she panted, so incredibly turned on that she couldn’t even think.

But before doing anything else, Rowan looked back up at her, his green eyes dark with lust and an eyebrow cocked, like he was waiting for her. Oh, right.

“Touch me Rowan,” she pleaded. On a normal day, she’d be annoyed at herself for ceding any sort of respect, but this was not a normal day.

“WIth my tongue or my fingers?” He asked, ghosting a breath across her bathing suit. Aelin’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Either, both,” she mumbled, “I don’t care, just give me something.”

He growled, and without removing her bottoms, he slid a finger up her folds, rubbing a soft circle over her clit before repeating the process, never going quite inside her like she was desperate for. Gods, she was desperate.

“Rowan,” she murmured, bucking her hips toward him. He obeyed her unspoken plea, letting that damned finger push inside her, the friction something but not nearly enough. It still made her gasp though, especially as he added another one, curling them just the right way to draw out those little sounds she’d never made before.

Mala burn her, he was unfairly good at this.

He pressed his free hand on her stomach, holding her down as he roughly fingered her, bringing her closer and closer to that damn cliff until he stopped altogether, pulling out and leaving her breathless. And cold.

“What are you - are you doing?” She asked, catching her breath. “I was so close you asshole,” she managed to huff, some of her snark coming back at the slight. His face was smug, a teasing smile on it as he looked up, but she didn’t find it very funny, so she lifted her bound hands, fidgeting until she was sitting up, leaning down and stripping off her bathing suit bottoms herself, tied hands be damned. She managed to throw them to the side, leaving her bare before him.

It was then Aelin registered that Rowan was still in his bathing suit, the dark green trunks wet from the water and stuck to his skin, clearly showing how into this he was. He was sitting back, staring at her as she did this, so she decided to take charge a bit, leaning forward and reaching a hand toward his clothed erection, her range of motion limited due to the tie.

He closed his eyes and groaned as she palmed him, a devious smile on her face at the shift in power, but he quickly took it back as he pushed her back down, allowing her hands to stay in his hair as he licked a long strip up her folds.

She gave up all pretense then, at the suddenness of it, letting him devour her. She gripped his hair as his tongue swirled around, circling her clit as his fingers returned to teasing her, dipping in and out of her entrance and altogether leaving her a mush of heat. It didn’t take long for her to return to the top of that cliff, and it only took another lick, another curl, and another squeeze to her breast for her to fall off of it, dropping wholeheartedly into a pit of pleasure.

Aelin shuddered, shaking and clenching around his fingers as she climaxed.

“Oh gods,” she murmured, “Rowan.” She gasped, every nerve in her body alight as he thrust his fingers into her a few more times before pulling out completely.

She panted, trying to catch her breath as he moved so he was above her, caging her in against the sand. She stared into his green eyes, the hate that had been there earlier completely transformed into unshakable lust. Her hands were still around his head, slipping down to circle his neck, and Rowan didn’t move his gaze as he pulled off his swimsuit. Her eyes immediately went down to his length, a quiet moan escaping at the size of it.

She needed him inside of her. Now.

So Aelin shifted again, opening her legs so he could fit in between. He shifted too, so he was nudging at her entrance, and she couldn’t help but whisper another “please”. It was nearly hidden behind the sound of the waves, but it seemed he registered it when he plunged into her without another pause, making her cry out at the feel of him.

She was already so wet he slid in easily, but she still took a moment when he was all the way in to adjust, letting her body get used to the size of him. He was definitely the biggest she’d ever been with. She didn’t know how to feel about that. It was great in the moment, but she may regret it later.

She may regret all of this, but she couldn’t right now.

And then he began moving. And her world stopped.

Every thrust into her was another firework in her senses, her nerves lighting up with every movement he made. She held him closer by the head, sighing as he nibbled at her throat, undoubtedly leaving marks. She’d have to cover them up with makeup she supposed. It was good they were leaving tomorrow morning. Not enough time for Lysandra to ask questions.

His hands were on her hips, but then one moved to grab her arms, untying the top without even looking. The action was paired with a particularly hard thrust, and her eyes rolled back in her head as her arms fell to the side, free for the first time in a while.

But she didn’t have the opportunity to do anything with them before Rowan was pulling out, using his grip on her hips to roll her over and plunge back in. Aelin moaned at the new angle, and he groaned as he leaned into her, his weight on her back, pushing her forward with every one of his thrusts.

This feeling was godly, she hadn’t felt anything like it, and she didn’t know if she ever would again. Because this event would likely never be mentioned again, would become something awkward that they avoided thinking of. But that was a problem for the future.

He lifted some of his weight off of her, holding her hips and adjusting them into a new angle, and she managed to push herself up onto her forearms, her limbs weak as she was fucked into oblivion.

“Gods, how can someone like you feel so godsdamned good?” He muttered through his teeth, his breaths short as he moved.

“And how can someone like you make me feel so godsdamned good?” She managed to reply with, her heart racing as she got closer and closer to that edge. Rowan moved a hand to her clit, rubbing it roughly before sliding it up and pinching her nipples, switching between the two at random to keep her guessing. His other hand went to her hair, wrapping into the golden strands and tugging. She let out an embarrassing cry at how good it felt.

But after a bit of that, Aelin reached for the hand not in her hair and slid it up to her throat.

“You like being choked?” Rowan asked, too weak to be a taunt, and all she did was nod. And murmur another please. He groaned and flexed his fingers around her neck, increasing his pace as he slowly tightened his grip. It felt divine.

“Make me come, Rowan,” she murmured, sighing his name. He just groaned again and kept his free hand around her throat, tightening and loosing every so often to play with her breathing, the other hand tugging at her hair. After a few thrusts like that, he moved the hand in her hair to her clit, rubbing circles on it as he pounded into her. Aelin clenched her hands in the sand, moaning roughly with every movement.

His pace started stuttering, and she knew they were both close.

“Come on,” he said through gritted teeth, determined to get her there with him. “Come on.” And then with one final squeeze, thrust, and circle, she broke, even harder than last time if that was possible.

Her whole body was trembling, her limbs weak as she clenched around him, feeling him still thrusting into her until he came too, spilling into her with a growl.

The pleasure seemingly lasted forever, rumbling through her whole body until she collapsed, completely exhausted. Rowan collapsed with her, pulling out and laying next to her in the sand, the water lapping up over their legs.

She rolled to her back and dared to glance over, finding his eyes already trained on hers. Too much passed through his face for her to identify, but she found she couldn’t look away.

And then a car horn honked, the sound of it locking reaching her ears. Or both of their ears apparently. Rowan’s eyes flashed with alarm before he jumped up, reaching for his bathing suit and throwing it on, reaching down and tossing her bathing suit to her too. Aelin pulled on the bottoms, struggling with the top before he leaned over and quickly tied both ties for her, obviously avoiding touching her skin as much as possible.

She was already breathing heavily, but the adrenaline and nerves just made it worse as she sprinted back to their set up, collapsing on her towel. They’d be coming down any minute now, any second. She finger combed through her hair as Rowan sank into his chair, and then slid part of it over her shoulder to cover her throat, the red marks hidden through the golden strands.

There was nothing to do about her swollen lips, or the blush that was seemingly permanent, but it was getting dark out, hopefully her cousin and best friend wouldn’t notice.

But luckily, it was only Aedion who trudged down to the beach from the house, and he was oblivious enough to where it would be easy to hide it.

“You guys didn’t kill each other?” He joked. “I’m surprised.”

Aelin just smiled weakly, pushing herself up to her hands. “Nope. I didn’t even bother talking to him the whole time.”

“Rowan?” He turned to him, and Aelin did too, pleading him with her eyes not to say anything. She didn’t know why, it was clear from his speed earlier that he wasn’t eager for anyone else to know either. But still, just in case.

“I took a nap once I knew Lys was okay,” Rowan lied, looking back up at the house. “She is okay, right?”

“Yep!” Aedion said, relief clear in his voice. “And she felt even better after eating something.” He pointed up at the house with his thumb. “We brought some food back if you guys are hungry.”

Aelin nodded, weakly standing up, her legs still trembling. Rowan stood up too, collecting his stuff. She did the same. They accidentally made eye contact as they started walking, and she darted her gaze away quickly, her cheeks heating. Gods, what did they do?

Neither of them said a word to each other the rest of the night.

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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Back to my Side part 3

I’ll have to make a Masterlist for this 😂 I wasn’t expecting it to be this complicated

Part 1 / part 2

- 2k words

CW: mentions of sexual assault, mentions of drugging

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It took only a few minutes for her to stop crying, a few minutes for them to descend back into an awkward silence, characterized by her sniffles and him clearing his throat. Aelin pulled back almost immediately after that, seemingly realizing the strangeness of their situation.

“Sorry,” she murmured weakly, looking away and wiping her face with her hands.

“It’s fine,” Rowan said, with an awkward shrug of his shoulders, given the fact that it wasn’t fine.

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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Back to my Side - part 2

Part 1

- 1500 words

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Rowan’s leg was bouncing as he sat in the airport chair, waiting for the call that his plane was boarding. His plane to Rifthold.

It’d been three days since his boss had told him about the job there, about the client that he now knew was Aelin. Aelin. He loosed a breath. Their phone call had been short, and to the point, not much time for any sort of catch up.

And he still didn’t know what to think.

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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Back to my Side

Based on the T Swift song Dorothea

- 1300 words

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It always happened the same way. The questions with the same redundant repetition, the sudden perk of the expression at the exact right time. The moment that people knew he went to high school with Aelin Galathynius was the moment they ceased to care about him, and only cared about that.

Rowan didn’t mind, it wasn’t like he wanted much attention himself, but the reminder of her always sent a pang through his heart. It wasn’t like it was their fault for latching on to that detail and asking more about it, just like it wasn’t her fault that he felt that way in the first place.

They’d never been anything more than friends, even if he’d longed to be more. From the moment they’d met, running into her under the bleachers at the football field, she’d enthralled him, pulling him in with her captivating eyes and her fiery personality, waltzing in freshman year and stealing his heart.

She enthralled the world the same way, becoming a star on the silver screen within five years of graduating high school, within five years of leaving him. And she’d maintained that fame for three years so far after that. But Rowan had known she’d never wanted to be in the spotlight, she’d never wanted to be known for who she knew, for who she was connected to, for who her mother was. Because her mother had been a star just like her, and Aelin had been determined to not follow in her footsteps.

Evalin Galathynius had had another plan though, sticking her daughter in pageants from a young age, getting her more exposure in the film world by throwing her into commercials and acting roles from a young age. Aelin had hated it, had ranted to Rowan about it many many times, even if her mother always got her way. He’d always listened to her willingly, holed up in the back of his car while they skipped the prom that her mother had forced her to go to, or at the beach after a spontaneous trip that she’d dragged him on.

They’d been inseparable, knowing everything about each other, but he’d never crossed that line, letting her go too easily when she left.

Gods, how he regretted that now.

Rowan sighed, dragging a hand down his face as he threw down the magazine at his office, tired of seeing yet another picture of her on its pages, modeling for some sort of makeup line, her stunning features filling his heart with pain. She’d only gotten more beautiful with time, but whenever he looked at her, he still saw the smiley teenager she’d been, the version he’d fallen in love with, so much different than the painted and guarded face he saw now.

He hadn’t seen her in person since the day she’d left Orynth, moving to Rifthold, the film capital of the world, at the behest of her mother. He’d tried to stay in touch, but she quickly pulled away, leaving him cold and stranded, an ache in his heart that hadn’t faded. He wondered if she ever even thought of him, if he was lingering in the back of his mind or if he was just a passing memory. Even if it didn’t really matter either way.

But he wanted to check in with her, almost thought about trying to call her every so often before deciding she wouldn’t answer. He just wanted to know if she was okay. If she was satisfied living someone else’s dream, even if he knew she likely wasn’t. He could see the change in her the few times he’d seen her on screen, at the dentist or on a plane or when he was just flipping through channels and happened to land on her. He could see the emptiness in her eyes, the shallowness of her smile that she hid so well. He could only tell because she used to give him real ones all the time.

He missed the warmth of it, so much different than the coldness of that magazine page, the coldness of his heart, the coldness of the room he was in, waiting in the lobby of his office building for his boss to call him in for their meeting. That’s why he’d picked up the magazine in the first place, needing something to fill his time with besides fidgeting and letting his imagination run wild. He didn’t know what he was being talked to about, and he didn’t really want to find out.

Rowan was also trying to ignore the receptionist, who was shooting furtive glances his way. She’d just found out that he knew Aelin, and he knew she was trying to find the perfect time to ask him about her. Was she just as pretty back in school? Did she always want to be an actress? What is she like?

Just like always.

“Mr. Whitethorn?”

He looked up, meeting the face of his boss, Maeve, as she stuck her head out of her office door.

“You can come in now,” she continued, before retreating back into the room, leaving him to stand up and follow awkwardly, clenching his slightly shaking fists as he made his way into the space, sitting down in the leather chair across from her desk.

“Rowan,” she said, linking her hands together on the wood. “I have an opportunity for you.”

He raised his brows, trying to look intrigued instead of nervous. He hadn’t had this job very long, starting at the law firm right after he graduated from law school, passing his bar exam and taking the first offer that came his way. And he was lucky it was an offer from one of the most prestigious firms in the country. So he was eager to prove himself.

Without waiting for him to speak, Maeve kept going. “There’s a client in Rifthold who requested our services, but she wants to keep the case as private as possible right now.” He nodded, not sure where this was going. “She hasn’t told us much about it yet, so I don’t want to send out too many high ranking people in the company in case it turns out to be nothing. Do you understand what I’m saying?” She was staring at him, her dark eyes calculating, and he hesitated.

“I’m not quite sure, no,” he said truthfully, shaking his head slightly. He understood her words, but not how he related to it. Maeve just sighed.

“I’m sending you to Rifthold, Rowan,” she said simply. “I think you have potential and this could be a good place to show it.” His heart stopped, disbelief flowing through his veins instead of blood. “Of course, if the case turns out to be big then I’ll send down someone more experienced, but this is just the starting point.”

“Of course,” he agreed with a nod. “I very much appreciate this chance.”

“Good.” Her tone was firm, and she was about to start talking again when his phone rang. Rowan cursed under his breath, and nodded at her to continue, letting it ring out and go to voicemail. “We’re going to keep this quiet for now,” she continued, “the client is eager to keep out of the press’ hands for…”

He zoned out as his phone rang again, right after their last one stopped. He huffed and squeezed his eyes shut, before opening them to see his boss’ unamused face, waiting for him.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, “if you’ll give me one second.” The call must be important if they were trying again. So Rowan pulled his phone out of his suit jacket pocket, answering the call without looking at the number out of habit.

“Hello?” He asked, his tone full of impatience.

“Rowan?” A very familiar voice asked, still so recognizable to him despite the sadness and meekness that coated it.

Well shit.

Taglist:

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

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The Worst of Crimes

Chapter Two: A Single Cigarette

Masterlist

- 4600 words

CW: language,

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Celaena didn’t have many memories from her childhood. She didn’t really know who she’d been or what her life had been like. Just a long, incomprehensible strand of pain, of flashes of eyes just like her own, a whisper of comforting words saying everything will be okay, a whiff of pine and snow, the smell she recognized as home but didn’t know how to reach.

That was all that remained of her early years.

But she’d pieced things together over the years since then. She was from Orynth, Terrasen, a thousand miles from here. She had been rich, bathing as a child in wealth passed down from generations. And her parents had been murdered.

The Galathynius family. A tragedy if there ever was one. Murders in the middle of the night, and a little girl’s body missing. They caught a handful of people associated with it, but the case was locked tight, away from the public eye.

And then those killers had gotten out less than a year later, under the guise of a technicality.

Celaena knew that was bullshit. Knew that something had happened. But she didn’t know what, or who, or why. That was the mystery she had to solve. Starting in Anielle.

A tiny news headline, unimportant to most people, had caught her eye while she was hiding out in a tiny crappy cafe in downtown Rifthold.

15 Year After the Shocking Release of the Midnight Murderers: Where Are They Now?

The stupid barista had switched the channel before she could catch all of it, but the first place listed had been Anielle. No one knew the names of the criminals, the media likely paid off, but that one word was a clue. The first step on the path to avenging the person she used to be.

That person was long gone, buried beneath years of pain, and a mental block so strong she didn’t know how to work around it. Trauma, Arobynn had told her on multiple occasions, you’ll likely never remember.

And Celaena knew he was likely right. But it didn’t matter. She didn’t want to revisit that night any more than she wanted to go back to Rifthold, to the hell she’d been in there.

No. She’d track down everyone who wronged her, which would take her back to Rifthold, and then disappear off the radar forever, with a new name and a story no one would question.

And she’d finally get out of this godsdamned restaurant and this godsdamned town.

“Miss? Miss?” A voice called her attention, and Celaena huffed, turning around to find the person. She immediately put on a polite smile as she did, eyes scanning until she found the man. He was sitting at a table with another man, both in suits and likely there for some sort of meeting. His brown hair was styled professionally, and his green eyes were sharp but slightly slimy, exactly like a businessman who was used to getting his way.

She’d been waiting on them since they’d gotten there, only about ten minutes ago, having gotten their drink orders and given their appetizer order to the kitchen. She was giving them time now to look at the menu for their dinner while she checked on her other tables, but apparently they needed her now.

But she bristled at the rude way he was calling her. Like she was some sort of dog.

“Can I help you, sir?” She asked, her heels clicking as she walked over.

He smiled condescendingly at her, the way a man did when he thought the woman couldn’t do her job right, or needed “help” figuring it out. The way he called her, that smile, and the way his eyes seemed to constantly dart to her chest made her dislike only increase.

She shuffled impatiently, cursing him internally as she waited for him to say something.

She had thought when she first moved to Anielle, that this restaurant was at least a slightly reputable establishment. But even though the decor was nice and the food was nice, and she was required to dress nicely, the people acted like shit.

It seemed nowhere in Anielle was as high class as it pretended to be. It didn’t surprise her much.

If anything, it made people warm up to her faster; her warm smile and cheery demeanor, while faked, was effective because it was such a contrast to everyone else.

“Is there royalty here or something?” The man drawled, and Celaena looked at him blankly. “Because if not then I don’t understand why our food is taking years to come out.”

The fucking entitlement -

“I’m sorry, sir,” she said instead, “we’re at capacity tonight so things may seem a bit slow. I promise you we’re doing everything we can to get your food out quickly.”

The man scoffed, and Celaena had to restrain herself from verbally - or physically - assaulting him.

“Are you good for anything other than flaunting your tits and ass around?” She froze, anger flooding her cheeks in a manner she hoped looked like embarrassment. “Cause right now, sweetie, I’m not seeing anything else.”

She didn’t even know what to say, the disrespect pouring off of every single pore of that man. The one next to him just huffed a laugh, looking at her just as dismissively. She took a deep breath, ready to explode, but she calmed herself down, maintaining her cover.

So she just gave the man a tight smile, muttering “I’ll be sure to file your complaint.”

And then she left, making sure to purposefully swish her hips out of spite. Really give him something to stare at.

“I expect my food to be here in five minutes otherwise you’re not getting a tip!” He called out as she walked away, and she almost, almost, gave him the middle finger behind her back. She didn’t know how she was supposed to go back out there to take his order, maybe she’d toss the table over to a colleague, although she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

But fuck him.

She didn’t control how fast the food was ready, and she was relying on this money to survive. Of course she had a whole untapped bank account tied up back in Rifthold, but she couldn’t access it without revealing her location and wrecking her whole cover. So she needed those tips.

Celaena huffed as she stomped her way back to the kitchen, untying it and throwing it to her coworker Luca, who was looking at her with surprise.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be back in,” she sighed, stopping by the room where they kept their bags and pulling out a box of cigarettes and a lighter from her purse. A fresh box, because she’d given up her old one the other day.

And as she marched her way out to the back of the restaurant, her hands shaking with rage and needing the comforting feeling of nicotine to calm herself down, she ghosted a laugh, cynically wondering what Chaol would say if he saw her right now. Wondering what Chaol would say if he knew she’d regularly dealt and took drugs for years not that long ago.

That was definitely a factor she’d never ever given an inch of knowledge about. A fabricated life, a fabricated past, a fabricated family. Almost like the one she was inserting herself into.

To her credit, the lunch with Mrs. Westfall the day before had gone well, the soft woman the only one out of the three that was easy to talk to. The only one she vaguely wanted to talk to. Which was a shame to be honest.

At the beginning of her charade, Celaena had wondered if she really could lie to Chaol for this long. He was actually a decent man, who didn’t really put up with any shit, and she wondered if he would be good for her, maybe give her a bit of calm in her tumultuous life. But the more she got to know him, the more she realized that he would much prefer the picture of her to the real her, the easier she was able to pretend.

But Mrs. Westfall was different, and it made Celaena a bit homesick. Although she didn’t know if she could be homesick for something she didn’t remember. Maybe more wistful then.

She knew what her parents looked like, but she barely recalled what they sounded like, what their touch felt like, how their laughs and hugs radiated through her, the exact light of their smiles. It was all gone, or locked away, she didn’t really know which, and she was left alone.

And the only other chance she’d had at happiness since then had been wrecked through her own bad decisions, and she was convinced by the same external factor that had ripped her apart the first time. The scars lining her back were enough, in her opinion, to prove that something was out to get her. Maybe the fates, maybe the gods, or maybe someone she could actually track down and return the favor to.

That’s what she was hoping for anyway.

Celaena stormed out into the alley behind the building, the cool night sir hitting her as she sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes. She snapped open the box, pulling out a single cigarette and flicking her lighter open to catch the end.

In no time at all she was breathing in the comforting smoke, the only habit from her years that she hadn’t managed to kick. Cocaine and Ecstasy had been more recreational, a momentary relief from the constant pressure in her head, and while she wouldn’t consider herself addicted to the nicotine, the familiar feeling was a moment of calm in the constant lies.

Her only calm really. Maybe she should try and cut back.

“I don’t know if I’m surprised to see you or not,” a vaguely familiar voice came from a few yards away, and Celaena squinted to try and see him in the shadows. But she rolled her eyes as he moved into the light, his silvery hair catching a glint from the lamp.

“Does it matter where I am?” She said sharply. Something about this man just got under her skin. He just let out a humorless chuckle, leaning against the wall a few feet away from her, his own cigarette clutched between his thumb and pointer finger.

“You act as if I’m stalking you.” His voice was deep and rumbling, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“How do I know you’re not?” She accused, glaring. He just shrugged.

“Think what you want I suppose, but I hardly think that seeing you in jail and then seeing you again at the most popular restaurant in a small city qualifies as stalking.” He took a drag from his cigarette, and she scoffed. “Although I am still curious about our last meeting.”

“Oh?” Celaena snapped. “Why?”

“You seemed to switch personalities quite quickly,” he observed, with a hint of an accusation in his tone. “You were about ten times nicer to your boyfriend than you were to me.”

“I wonder why?” She tilted her head, widening her eyes dramatically. “Considering you beat him up.”

“Hey,” he said, a hint of amusement in his green eyes, “he got some hits in too, it wasn’t one sided.” She rolled her eyes.

“Whatever.” She tempered down the urge to ask him what the fight was about, knowing this wasn’t the time or place.

“I’m Rowan by the way.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m from Doranelle.”

She looked at him suspiciously but took his hand and shook it, ignoring the way she shivered at the contact, his rough calluses rubbing deliciously against her skin. “I’m C-“ she cut herself off immediately, reshaping the words in her mouth. “Lillian. My name is Lillian.”

Rowan made a contemplative noise. “I wouldn’t pick you out as a Lillian.”

“No?” She asked nonchalantly, raising her brows with an air of casualty, even though her stomach was full of nerves. No one had ever called her out like that before, although she’d never almost slipped up like that before either.

“I would’ve guessed something a little more fiery.” He shrugged, and she frowned, fidgeting slightly.

“Well I see you as more of a raging pain in my ass than a Rowan, so I guess we don’t always get what we want.” And wasn’t that the truth.

Rowan chuckled and tapped his cigarette against the wall, putting it out. Celaena did the same.

“Well I better go,” he said with a small knowing smile, “but it was nice to officially meet you Lillian.” His tone was full of disbelief, and she glared at him as he left, walking away back into the shadows.

She didn’t know what to think. But she did know that this man, whoever he was, was dangerous.

-----------

“What do you love most in the world?” Celaena asked in a far away tone, leaning against Chaol’s shoulder as he traced little circles on her arm. She made sure to soothe her expression into one of content and calm, when her mind was actually whirling.

“Besides you?” He chuckled, holding her as they rested on the couch, watching nothing but the street lights outside of his apartment window. She forced herself to smile and laugh slightly, leaning more into him at the words. “Well,” he considered, and she stayed quiet, focusing on his answer, “my parents for one,” he said, “definitely my job.” He hummed, considering. “I guess just being able to have the chance to make a difference in this city, just like my dad.”

How self-righteous. She refrained from rolling her eyes, choosing to smile softly instead.

“That’s really powerful,” Celaena postured, “I’m glad you have something in your life that’s so meaningful to you.”

“Me too,” he said, and she almost scowled. “But hey,” he looked down at her, “you’ll land a good job too. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Yeah,” she murmured quietly, sighing and trying to sound disheartened. “I’m just tired of that stupid restaurant.” She chuckled incredulously. “I’m barely making enough to meet my rent this month.”

He looked contemplative, and she held her breath, hoping he would ask what she was prompting him to. “You know,” he started, “if you’re struggling, you could always come and live with me.”

Jackpot.

“Are you serious?” Celaena furrowed her brows, pushing back to look at him more clearly, hoping to show the hope on her face.

“Yeah I am,” Chaol said, smiling softly at her. “It makes sense. We’ve been dating for a while and it seems like the right step.”

She smiled back, letting the light of it reach her eyes, before letting it fall in a show of worry. “What will your parents say? I don’t want them to think we’re taking things too fast.” She chewed on her lip, pretending like she was actually worried. Chaol just chuckled.

“Don’t worry about them,” he said, pressing a kiss to her hair. “If anything, they’ll see this as a sign of us moving toward something else.” Celaena froze. “I know my mom is eager for us to get engaged, she loves you.”

She breathed and forced herself to lean into him. “Well that’s a relief,” she giggled, “I was scared they wouldn’t want me taking their precious son.”

“I think my dad would be fine with me leaving if I don’t live up to his name at the station,” he said dismally, and just like that, they were talking about him again. “He’s disappointed in me for not getting the same position as him.”

“Well, he should realize what an amazing son he already has instead of trying to turn you into who he was.” She was telling the truth, to a certain extent. From the time she’d been in a relationship with Chaol, his dad had been pushing him so much, more disdain with every case that went unsolved. Celaena could see both sides of the situation. She understood his dad’s desire to make his son have some motivation and grit to make his way in the world, Arobynn had treated her the same way, but she also saw the toll it took on their relationship. She was skilled at reading people, and had been prepared to use that skill in Anielle, but it had been so obvious that she hadn’t even needed to.

The answer to another question she hadn’t had to pose. What did he want most in the world?

A chance to prove himself to his dad.

And that motivated all he did, which would make him easier to manipulate.

“If only he thought that way,” Chaol sighed. “This Orynth thing has especially been messing with him lately.” She stayed quiet, trying to make sure he stayed on that topic. “I shouldn’t’ve mentioned it, because now it’s all he talks about. I think he wishes he’d been on the Orynth police force back then, believing he’d be the one to fix it all.”

“But it seems unfixable, doesn’t it? I mean, they can’t go back to jail for it,” she observed, furrowing her brows. No they couldn’t. They couldn’t be tried for the same crime. Which is why some corrupt official had bought their way out, which is why they were tracked, but couldn’t be touched. The police could keep an eye on them, but they couldn’t do anything about it.

Which is why they had to die.

“He thinks he could’ve kept them from getting out in the first place, blaming shoddy police work and all that.” He huffed, and she hummed contemplatively. “He’s badgering me about it now though, trying to keep me from making a similar mistake. But that’s not your problem.”

It was exactly her problem.

Her eyes darted to the door in the hallway that was kept locked. His home office. Chaol didn’t do much work from his apartment, but he kept a laptop in there that was connected to the main police security system in case he needed to work on case details from home. It was blockaded with a password and a scan of his security card, but Celaena had determined that that would be an easier method of accessing the records than breaking into the police station itself. After all, there was always someone there, while now that she was moving in with him, she would be here alone.

And he couldn’t stop her from lockpicking that door as easily as breathing, a skill she’d been forced to pick up during her childhood, not that she’d had much of one. But running in a gang for almost two decades made her learn some things that most other people likely didn’t know.

She certainly hadn’t appreciated it that whole time, but it was proving itself useful. She’d been forced to learn how to separate herself from her emotions, to feed the dark ones while pushing things like regret and guilt aside. And now, she was feeding the pit of revenge in her head while pushing away another sort of grief or loss. He’d died two years ago now, she couldn’t keep ruminating on it.

No, that wouldn’t do her any good.

------------------

Only a few days later, and Celaena was already moved in. Chaol hadn’t wasted any time, helping her pay off her lease on her crappy apartment and moving her stuff in for her, barely giving her a chance to process everything before she was sleeping in his bed every night. Again, it wasn’t like they’d done anything yet, although she knew he was leaning toward that with every day that passed. Forget marriage, apparently the allure of her there waiting for him every day was getting too much for him to ignore.

Fuck that though. She wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. Unless it was necessary. And it might be, given her plan. Maybe not all the way, but she’d certainly have to distract him enough to make him in a rush for work.

Which is why she’d worn what she did to bed that night.

She normally went to bed in a simple t-shirt, but this time she brought out one of her fancy nightgowns, the only one she’d left with her normal stuff, the most conservative out of them if she was being honest. Chaol would likely freak out at any of her others. And those others were back in her storage locker in Rifthold, waiting for her to come back and retrieve it before disappearing forever.

He was already asleep when she made her way in, walking out of the plain bathroom and into the bedroom, his sleeping form buried under the navy blue comforter. And when he woke up early the next morning, getting ready for work, she stayed hidden under the blanket, keeping the gown out of his sight until just the right time. The sun wasn’t even out yet, so it made perfect sense that she was still asleep, even though she hadn’t really slept a wink, another nightmare driving her from any semblance of rest.

Celaena kept her eyes closed as Chaol ran around, getting dressed and brushing his teeth and brushing his hair, and - slipping his badge into his jacket. Just what she needed.

It was then, as he was heading toward the bedroom door to leave, that she yawned and sat up, stretching and letting the covers fall, revealing her pale pink silk nightgown, the fabric thin enough to lay gently over her curves. He glanced back, his eyes going wide at the sight.

“You’re leaving already?” She pouted, resting herself up on her hands and leaning forward, showing off the gap in her top. “The sun’s barely up.”

Chaol frowned, looking apologetic while fighting the obvious desire in his gaze. Celaena fought off a smile. “My shift starts soon, I have to leave now to be on time.”

She sighed, looking defeated, but swung her legs around to the edge of the bed, pushing her way to a stand. She stretched again, lifting her arms over her head to make sure the hem of her nightgown edged up just right. With her golden hair tousled from sleep, and her lips edged in a small pout, she looked quite attractive, and Chaol thought so too. She walked over to him slowly, smiling up at him as he stood by the door, his hand on the handle like he wanted to leave but couldn’t bring himself too.

“Don’t go,” she said softly, resting a hand on his arm and leaning into him. He opened his mouth to say something, but she ran the hand up his sleeve, toying with the fabric while she chewed on her lip, looking at him through her lashes. She had to be demure, while also making it clear what she was trying to imply. Chaol huffed but didn’t fight as she leaned up and placed a gentle kiss to his cheek, the freshly shaved skin smooth beneath her lips. And instead of pulling back, she trailed her kisses down his jaw, feeling nothing but pure motivation as she trailed down his neck, hearing the sharp breath he took.

They’d kissed before, passionately even, well, as passionately as she could give without any real genuine desire, and she knew he wouldn’t be able to resist her for long. Especially as she slid her other hand up to his chest, pressing into him as she moved her lips to cover his, the lightest of touches.

Chaol snapped.

He lifted his hands to her hips, holding them tight as he kissed her deeply, coaxing her lips open with his tongue. She let her eyes fall closed, relaxing into it as he swept through her mouth, pretending like she needed to lean against him for support, moving one hand to clutch at his jacket while the other slipped inside to his shirt.

Pretending to stumble, she pulled him back with her, falling onto the bed and pulling him down too. His hands traveled, grabbing with a rushed intensity that she tried to match, fighting the urge to shudder as he began pulling up her nightgown. Celaena just focused on the movement of her hands, keeping her eyes closed as she searched.

But then Chaol cursed and pushed away from her, clambering to a stand, his jacket askew as he tried to straighten himself up. Celaena quickly slipped her hand under the comforter, looking up at him with shocked eyes as he shook his head.

“I have to go to work,” he said angrily, annoyed at the situation. But he sighed resolutely and backed toward the door. “I’ll be home later okay?” She nodded, pursing her swollen lips. “I love you, Lil,” he said before leaving, and she murmured a love you back.

Celaena stayed in her position, unmoving, listening as his footsteps traveled toward the front door quickly, the door unmistakably opening and then slamming shut.

And that’s when she removed her hand from the comforter, clutching his police badge tight between her fingers. Waiting just a fraction longer, she made sure he was gone before springing out of the bed, snatching a hair pin off of the dresser before bounding out of the door and to the locked office just down the hall.

She had twenty minutes in total. Ten for him to get to the office, and then ten for him to drive back home when he realized he didn’t have his badge. So she had just twenty minutes to find the answers she needed.

Folding the pin in half, she stuck it into the lock, twisting it expertly until it clicked and swung open, and Celaena pushed inside quickly, snatching his laptop and pushing it open.

He’d gotten it specially pass coded , part of the technological upgrades he’d managed to coerce out of the mayor. Without showing her face, she lifted the badge up to the webcam, waiting as it recognized the face on it before flashing green and moving to the next screen.

Password

Celaena hummed in thought as she looked at the empty bar. Six numbers, that was all she needed. Six numbers.

The date he graduated from the academy? No. He was slightly egotistical, but not that obvious. The day they started dating? No, he likely hadn’t changed his password since then, and he wouldn’t be that sentimental. Unless… she thought about everything she’d gleaned about him, all the careful questions and the obvious observations that she’d picked up over the months.

She cursed and scrambled for her phone in the other room, returning quickly and swiping to the internet. After a fast search, she returned to the laptop, typing in the six numbers and holding her breath.

Clear

She sighed with relief, pulling up the records tab and beginning to flick through it.

It hadn't been a date important to him, it had been a date important to his dad. The last day of the trial of a criminal based in Anielle, charged for his series of assaults on women back in Chaol's dad's time on the force. It was the biggest case of his career, so it made sense that it would be meaningful to him.

And therefore meaningful to Chaol too, who longingly sought his dad's approval.

Ten minutes left.

Celaena focused in on all the faces passing by on the screen, digging through the files as she scanned over the crime attached and the last known location. Until she landed on the one she was looking for.

Archer Finn

Charged with: assistance with the murders of Rhoe Galathynius (38), Evalin Galathynius (36), and assumed murder of Aelin Galathynius (8)

Current Place of Residence: Anielle, Adarlan

And the face attached to it... her own face paled. It was a face she'd just seen. With eyes that had grazed over her body, a mouth that had twisted disdainfully.

It was the man from the restaurant.

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

Text

Explicit Love

Not quite as long as after hours, but significantly less plot. Based off of the one word prompt, Polaroid.

CW: NSFW, not suitable for readers under eighteen

———————————————————————-

If there was anything Aelin hated more than moving, she hadn’t encountered it yet. No boring task or useless instruction compared to the hell that was packing up all of her shit into boxes and lugging it out of her tiny apartment.

Because despite the size of her apartment, she had a lot of stuff, too much stuff as Rowan put it, so she was forced to cut down before she could move in with him. Simply because neither of them wanted to live in a house that resembled a landfill.

So here she was, sitting on the floor of her closet, digging through piles of stuff and boxes that she hadn’t looked at in many many months. And it was exhausting.

Aelin huffed and leaned against the wall, cursing her boyfriend. It made sense that she was the one moving, as his actual house was much nicer, but he could’ve at least been there to help her. Although she knew he was at work, and couldn’t help her, but it gave her a nice outlet for her frustration to blame him instead.

She angrily blew back a piece of her hair, slumping as she pulled another box toward her, grabbing an empty box to transfer stuff to. She reached into the box, yanking out an old purse that she hadn’t used in years. She chuckled incredulously and tossed it to the side, where her trash pile was slowly growing. Then she pulled out a random folder of old schoolwork, from back in college. She scoffed and threw that too.

All of this was crap she didn’t need anymore, crap she wasn’t sure why she had still. But she supposed that was the point of this, purging her overflowing closet of junk.

It was still annoying.

Aelin closed her eyes in frustration, blindly reaching into the box to grab something else. Her hand hit something hard, and she wrapped her fingers around it, opening her eyes to find herself looking at a Polaroid camera. A Polaroid camera that she completely forgot she had.

It had been probably since college that she’d even looked at it, but after a quick check, she found that there was still some film left in it, about five pictures worth.

A small devious smile curled onto her lips as an idea crossed her mind. A way to get back at Rowan.

She pushed herself to a stand quickly, walking over to her dresser and grabbing her brush, combing through her tangled hair and smoothing it out. She hurried to her bathroom, snapping up her bag of makeup.

Chuckling to herself, Aelin refreshed her mascara, brushing dark eyeshadow on her eyelids and sharp eyeliner on top. And for the final touch, she painted her lips a dark red color, pursing them for the full effect.

When she was satisfied, she went back into her room, digging into her underwear drawer. She was wearing a boring sports bra and boyshorts set, but she had something a bit more exciting.

She changed quickly, a pool of heat forming in her core at the thought of Rowan’s reaction. She hadn’t shown him this particular item of clothing yet, so this was perfect timing. Grabbing her polaroid, she flipped her hair, giving it a bit of volume as she climbed onto her bed, relaxing against the comforter. She tossed her hair so it was flowing against the pillow, stretching out her legs but keeping them bent slightly, wide enough apart to insinuate what she wanted.

One hand was holding the polaroid out over body while the other was resting on her stomach, casually fingering the lace of the golden bodysuit she was wearing. She couldn’t see what she looked like in the camera, but she knew what she looked like.

The bodysuit was thin strapped and low cut, with sheer lace in an intricate pattern that made her breasts completely visible even through the fabric, her nipples clearly showing, especially with the chill in the room and the heat in her body. Aelin parted her lips slightly, teeth sliding over her bottom one as she looked at the camera from beneath her lashes.

And then she took the picture.

As it whirred, the film developing, she grinned, her plan taking form in her head. All she needed to do was get it into Rowan’s wallet. His wallet was always extremely disorganized, and she always laughed when it took him an awkwardly long time at stores to fumble for his card. With all luck, he’d pull this out next time instead.

-----------------

It took a few days for him to find the picture, and by then she was fully moved into his house, her stuff in his room, her Polaroid placed in the bottom drawer of his nightstand. Well, their nightstand.

She’d been lounging in their bed, scrolling through her phone when she’d gotten his text.

> Very funny

Aelin snorted, smirking as she typed back.

< I take it you got my present

Rowan was at the store, picking up some food for dinner, and just like she’d predicted, his fumble for his credit card ended just the way she wanted. She was waiting for his text back when she got a call, her boyfriend’s handsome face, a soft smile gracing it, popping on the screen. It was a picture she’d barely managed to get, having to sneakily pull out her phone while he wasn’t paying attention.

Aelin chuckled and answered it, lifting the phone to her ear.

“You almost made me embarrass myself in front of the whole store,” Rowan complained, his voice crackling as he likely drove home. She cackled, trying to catch her breath. “I was trying to pay and I pulled that out and dropped my whole wallet. I had to keep adjusting myself to make sure everyone didn’t think I was a creep.”

“Well I’m glad you enjoyed it,” she answered finally, tilting her head against the pillow.

“I’m sure,” he muttered, huffing, “I didn’t even know you had a polaroid.”

“I found it while cleaning out my closet,” she clarified, a soft teasing smile on her face. “I figured I’d put it to use.”

“What am I going to do with you,” he said, exasperation in his tone, mixed with something else that had her crossing her legs to fight the throbbing threatening to start.

“I don’t know,” she teased, making her voice a little heavier than normal, “but I’m here waiting when you figure it out.”

He cursed, and the rough sound made heat rush through her. “You better be wearing that thing when I get home, baby.”

Aelin let out a breath. “And what if I don’t?” She grinned. “Are you going to punish me?” She rolled over onto her side, murmuring the words into the phone.

Rowan let out a laugh. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” She made a noncommittal noise, not giving him the satisfaction of agreeing.

“Just get home soon,” she said, overly breathily to mess with him, “I miss you,” she smirked, “My fingers aren’t nearly as good as yours.”

He cursed again. “I’ll be back soon, and then I’m going to rip that damn thing off and have my way with you.” She tried to hide her moan, the sound escaping her at his words, but from the way he laughed darkly, she wasn’t successful.

“Hurry up,” she managed to say, her voice losing its strength.

“I’m only at the store, you can’t wait that long?” He teased darkly, and she could imagine his face, the lust in his green eyes, his brows furrowed in frustration and desire, the curve of his lips that were likely in a smirk. “I’m only ten minutes from you.”

“That’s ten minutes too far,” she said, the words turning a bit tender, and she knew he could tell, if the soft silence meant anything, the lack of noise comforting, not awkward. Aelin sighed and grinned again. “Just speed, you can cut that ten minutes down to five.”

“Don’t you need those ten minutes to change?” Rowan asked, and she hummed noncommittal.

“I guess you’ll have to figure that out,” was all she said before laughing and hanging up, pleased by his likely disgruntled expression. She’d pay for that later, but… her toes curled, she’d be fine with whatever that payment entailed.

She rolled out of bed, yanking off the hoodie that she’d stolen from Rowan, reaching for her underwear drawer that she’d claimed when she moved in. She smirked as she dug through it though, choosing not the gold bodysuit he liked so much, but yet another set of lingerie.

Aelin swung the pieces of it on quickly, fluffing out her hair before waltzing out to the kitchen and sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar, scrolling through her phone casually, like she wasn’t just in her bra and underwear.

She hummed nonchalantly, looking but not really looking through Instagram as she waited for her boyfriend to appear. And despite his insistence that ten minutes wasn’t that long, he got home in six, obviously speeding like she’d told him to.

She smirked as the sound of the lock turning and the door opening met her ears, the sound of grocery bags crinkling as Rowan walked in, his face calm as he locked the door behind him, heading to the kitchen without looking up. Aelin kept her eyes on her phone, noting the exact moment he saw her, a sharp intake of breath marking it.

“Shit,” he said, a dark expression forming in his eyes. She grinned and spun on the stool, leaning back on her elbows on the counter.

“Is there a problem?” She tilted her head, raising a brow at him teasingly. Rowan just prowled over to her, dropping the groceries on a side table on the way. He placed both his hands on the counter, trapping her between them and practically pinning her against the cool granite. They were close, but not close enough.

“I don’t know, is there?” He murmured, leaning in. Aelin smiled, ghosting a breath across his lips. And then she was ducking out from under his arms, darting away quickly and chuckling at his confused expression.

“We better put away these groceries,” she teased, walking over to the discarded bag, “before they go bad.” She pulled out a carton of milk and fruit from the bag, swaying her hips as she walked over to the fridge. Knowing his eyes were on her, she opened the fridge and leaned forward, sticking out her ass as she put away the food.

Without turning around, she stretched upward, lifting her arms and craning her neck so her back arched delicately. She heard Rowan’s heavy footsteps behind her and she smirked as his arms came to wrap around her waist, pulling her back into him. She dropped her arms around his neck as he ghosted his fingertips across her bare stomach, closing her eyes and humming as his touch skirted up toward the bralette she wore, dipping under the hem slightly.

She’d donned a dark red lace lingerie set, with thin straps on the top and straps above the waist of the practically thong-like bottoms that led to garter straps around her upper thighs. Garters that Rowan was now inching toward, a finger sliding under the material and grazing across her skin.

“You really love messing with me, don’t you?” He murmured into the junction of her shoulder and neck, before grazing his nose up the length of her neck toward her jaw, where he pressed a biting kiss. “I thought I told you to wear the gold one?”

“Are you complaining?” Aelin asked breathlessly, leaning back into him as his other hand brushed lightly over her breast, making goosebumps appear all over her skin.

“I never said that.” He chuckled darkly against her skin. “But you did disobey me, hm?” She opened her mouth to respond, but he paired his words with a rough squeeze to the same breast he’d just caressed, making a gasp leave her instead, heat rushing through her electrified nerves.

“I just thought you’d like to see this one too,” Aelin managed to say, every sense consumed by him. “See if you had the same reaction as you did at the store.” She could already feel that reaction pressing against her, a hard line against her ass that she couldn’t help but grind against.

“I always have that reaction to you,” Rowan said, a hint of a groan in his voice, “you’re so godsdamn sexy.” Aelin’s breath left her as the hand on her thigh crept upward, dipping to trail across her soaked panties.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” she breathed, rubbing back into him as he stroked the fabric with two fingers before dipping under the fabric and sliding across her folds. Her eyes rolled back into her head. He didn’t enter her fully, just sliding across her wetness and hitting her clit, repeating the motion until she was panting with anticipation. He chuckled then and removed his fingers, ignoring her whine of protest as he brought them to her lips. Aelin followed suit, taking them into her mouth and cleaning off the taste of herself, wrapping her tongue around them and biting gently in an imitation of what she’d do somewhere else.

Rowan groaned and removed his hand, moving it to join the other one on her waist, gripping tightly before flipping her around to face him, diving in to roughly claim her lips. Aelin moaned into the motion, clutching his hair as his tongue slid across her bottom lip before coaxing her mouth open and sliding that tongue inside.

He teased her with small movements of his tongue, leaving her begging for more as he removed it, using his teeth to pull at her lip instead. He pushed her against the door of the fridge and she used the leverage to wrap a leg around his waist, pulling him even closer and feeling the length of him pressed against where she needed him the most.

He trailed kisses across her jawline, going down her neck and taking her earlobe between his teeth and tugging before dropping down to her shoulder, sucking at the junction of her shoulder and neck as his hands clutched her waist tightly.

Aelin groaned and dropped her head against the fridge, leaving more of her neck exposed for him and his ministrations. But then he lifted a hand from her waist to her hair, cradling the back of her head and roughly pulling it back up to devour her mouth once more, making her breath escape her.

“Rowan,” she managed to moan between kisses, grinding against him. He groaned and grabbed her thigh, sliding a thumb under the garter and holding it hard enough to bruise. He pushed her against the fridge even more, getting closer than she thought was possible until every inch of them were pressed together.

Aelin jumped slightly to wrap her other leg around him, letting him hold her completely as she surrendered to the feeling of his touch. And it wasn’t long before Rowan was moving, carrying her toward their bedroom quickly.

She pressed kisses on his neck and jawline, biting slightly and nibbling, making him groan before he dumped her on the bed, smiling wickedly down at her. Aelin smirked and began to pull off the lingerie, reaching for the clasp of her top, but Rowan leaned down and stayed her hands, pushing them to the side of her head, her heart beating rapidly as she stared at his lust-filled green eyes.

“Don’t move,” he murmured sternly, and she managed to nod, overcome with arousal. She watched as he pushed off from the bed, disappearing around to the front before returning with something that made heat pool in her core, a breathy moan escaping her.

The polaroid.

He stood at the foot of the bed and lifted the camera to his face, hand on the button.

“Can you pose for me, love?” He asked, voice heavy with desire. Aelin shifted on the bed, one hand clutching at her hair as the other slid up her stomach, fiddling with the lace of her bralette. She twisted so her right leg was slightly over the left, and she looked up at him with dark eyes, parting her lips still swollen from his kisses.

The room fell into silence, the tension thick until he pressed the button, the click of the camera and the whirring of the picture developing the only sounds.

“You’re so beautiful,” he muttered roughly. “So godsdamn beautiful.” He took the developed picture and stared at it with so much heat it made her squeeze her legs together to try and ease the ache between them. “Do you even know what you look like right now?”

“I’m assuming pretty damn good,” she said, with a weak bit of snark. Rowan chuckled and set the picture and the camera to the side, before pulling off his shirt in one smooth motion, leaving her with miles of smooth tan muscle to enjoy, the black tattoo she loved so much creeping up his arm.

“You always look good baby,” he groaned, climbing on the bed and over her in one smooth motion, caging her in beneath him, her favorite place to be. Rowan pressed his face to her neck, nipping at it in a series of motions she knew would leave bruises. Not that she cared, she loved being marked by him. “I’m so fucking lucky you’re mine,” he murmured into her skin, “that you’re my baby, my girl.” She didn’t think she’d ever been this turned on, the heat in her threatening to make her combust. Aelin closed her eyes, moaning his name as he whispered “my good girl”, and arousal shot through her core at the praise, a small moan escaping her that didn’t escape him.

He chuckled darkly and brought one hand to hold himself up while using the other to slip under the lace of her bralette, squeezing at her breast and rubbing her nipple roughly, the sensations sending fire throughout her body. She couldn’t even bring herself to talk, to say anything or make any noise besides the pants and sighs of pleasure as he worked her body.

“Let me show you how beautiful I think you are,” he said, and he didn’t wait for a reply before moving down her body, unclipping and pulling her bralette off quickly, keeping one hand working at her left breast while his mouth dived toward the other, swiping his tongue around her peak before pulling at it with his teeth, biting gently at the same time he pinched the other one between his fingers.

Gods. Gods.

She was going to explode, she was going to disappear off of that cliff of pleasure, so far gone she didn’t think she’d ever come back.

Aelin clutched at his hair, keeping him at her chest and digging her fingers in, pulling slightly like she knew he liked. But he didn’t stay there for too long, pressing warm kisses to her stomach as he traveled down, pulling her legs open.

She leaned up on her elbows, expression dark as he smirked up at her from between her legs, but she was too weak to keep herself there as he leaned in and licked a long stripe up the fabric of her panties, making a deep moan come out of her. He laughed, the vibrations making more heat spike through her, and then his hands were joining him, ripping the garters off with a loud snap as his tongue slid over her panties again, his hands lightly caressing the sensitive skin below her navel, making her shiver, before sliding under the hem. He pulled back as he slowly and teasingly pulled them all the way off, pressing kisses to her leg as he followed the fabric, before throwing it to the side roughly and leaning back in, devouring her in such a contrast to the slow motion of before.

“Rowan,” she moaned, gasping as his tongue slid between her folds, his hands holding her hips down so she couldn’t thrust up toward his mouth like her body was longing to. Then his teeth scraped lightly over her clit, making her clench around nothing but air. His tongue swirled around it as he brought a hand down, stroking her folds teasingly with a finger before slipping one just inside her. Not nearly enough.

“Please, Rowan,” she begged, closing her eyes. “Please,” she groaned, and he groaned too before shoving his hand all the way inside her entrance, fingering her roughly. She made noises with every single thrust, panting as he added another finger, curling them just right to hit that sensitive patch that made her eyes roll back in her head.

He continued without hesitation, and pretty soon she was falling off of that cliff, her climax overtaking her. She shuddered and clenched around his fingers, overwhelmed by the sensations.

She clutched the sheets of the bed, wringing them with her fingers as she came down, panting as he pulled out his fingers, crawling up her body to swallow her breaths. Aelin wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him close to her as he devoured her mouth.

She pushed at his shoulders to roll them over, and began to slide down his body before he could complain, yanking at his jeans and boxers to free his length from its confinement.

She sighed before leaning down and licking up the underside of his cock, relishing in the way it twitched before taking him in her mouth, as deep as she could without gagging.

Rowan groaned and kicked off the rest of his pants, but instead of letting her continue her swirling motions around him, he tugged on her hair, yanking her off of him and back up to straddle him. His cock was pressing against her still sensitive core, but she frowned at him, petulant at not being allowed to return the favor.

Her boyfriend just smirked, laying all the way back against the pillow, hands resting lazily on her thighs.

“I’m supposed to be making you feel beautiful,” he teased, “that can be saved for later.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, but didn’t complain as he nudged her forward, tugging at her hips with his hands until she was perched over his face, her own face heating. It wasn’t like she didn’t like this position, because she absolutely did, but something about how exposed she felt made a blush spread across her cheeks and all down her chest.

And Rowan knew that too, because he held her hips and ass tight to make sure she couldn’t shy away like he knew she’d try to.

“Grab the headboard,” he ordered, murmuring against her core, and she shivered as she complied, clutching it tightly as she sank down onto him, jerking away from his tongue as it stroked against her sensitive flesh.

“Rowan I don’t think I can do -“ she started saying, every motion feeling like it was lighting her on fire, every nerve on high alert, almost too much stimulation.

But he interrupted her, praising her with “you can, baby, you’re always so good for me.” His breath ghosted across her folds, and he didn’t give her another moment to think before he was pulling her down more, devouring her once again.

Aelin’s eyes rolled back into her head as he worked, every brush against her clit making her moan. Using her hold on the headboard, she began to swish her hips, rocking forward and backward in time with the push of his hands against her ass and the lick of his tongue across her folds, every sensation setting off fireworks inside her.

He massaged her ass as he leaned up and nipped at her clit, setting off her building climax yet again. She shook as she came down, heat rushing through her, until she collapsed against him, sliding back down and panting against his chest, tears pricking at her eyes from the pleasure. Rowan tucked a piece of her ratty hair behind her ear, the gesture disarmingly sweet after what they’d just done.

But she could still feel him hard against her, and she smirked as she slid a hand down to pump his cock, alternating between sharp pulls and delicate touches, the pattern making him groan. So much so that he pulled her hand away, taking her body and flipping them so he was once again on top.

Aelin raised her brows, a small teasing smile gracing her lips. “You know, I shouldn’t have taken a picture for you if you aren’t even going to let me do anything.”

Rowan chuckled and nipped at her neck before pulling back and stretching her legs out wide.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t like me in control,” he said with a smirk, and her core clenched at his tone, which he noted. So much for that. Aelin tried to scoff, but the defense was of no use. Not as his cock nudged against her, making a heated sigh slip out of her.

She closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck and tugging her down to kiss her as he slipped inside of her, letting her adjust as he slowly slid all the way in. Rowan obliged, pressing kisses all over face until she nodded, and then he pulled almost all the way back out before slamming back in, making her back arch and her mouth open in a loud moan.

“Gods,” she barely managed to say as he thrusted again, hands clutching his hair as her legs came up to wrap around his waist, keeping him as close as possible.

One of his hands stayed on her thigh, pushing it up to her shoulder to stretch her out even more, and the other hand crept up her stomach, squeezing at her breasts before landing lightly on her throat, his thumb brushing over the hollow of it. A breathy sigh escaped her and she nodded eagerly, giving him confirmation to tighten his hold. Rowan groaned as he thrusted, matching the motion with the tightening of his grip on her neck, the pressure from both sources making heat build up inside her.

His speed increased until her breasts were bouncing with every sharp thrust, the sound of skin slapping together making her climb that cliff once again, her cut off pants matching the sharp noises escaping him as he squeezed his hand again, making her clench around him.

Her leg lost its strength, sliding down to hook around his knee as he let go of the other one, using that hand to travel down and rub at her clit, the sensation adding more fire to her core.

She was so close. So so close. And so was he.

Aelin furrowed her brows as Rowan leaned away, removing his hand from her throat to reach for something she couldn’t see. But she ignored it as she felt her incoming climax peak, about to fall into the grip of pure pleasure, until he returned to her view, the object in his hand sending her straight off the edge, shaking and shuddering and moaning and clenching around him as he spilled into her, the feeling so perfect she felt she could stay there forever, especially as the click of the Polaroid reached her ears, the sound of it developing the only thing filling the room besides them catching their breaths.

Rowan collapsed onto her chest, basically nuzzling her breasts as they both came down, relishing in the other’s presence. When the picture was done, he grabbed it out of the camera without pulling out of her, lifting it out of her view.

Whatever it was had him letting out a deep curse, and she felt him hardening inside of her again already.

“What is it?” Aelin asked, frowning at him until he moved the picture so she could see it, his finger lightly trailing over her curves as she took in the image. It was of her, her face specifically, mid climax, her hair spread out over the pillow with her eyes clenched shut and brows furrowed, her mouth open in an obvious moan.

She let out a small laugh, glancing up at him warmly.

“I bet you love that one,” she teased, making him snort.

“You’d be betting right then.” He pulled the picture back, tucking it to the side with the Polaroid before leaning in again, nipping at her earlobe. “I’ll keep that one in my wallet instead.”

Taglist:

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

Text

Ivy - Epilogue Part Two

Masterlist So ... we’ve reached the very end, excuse me while I go cry 😭

- 10,200 words CW: miscarriage, mention of sexual assault, cursing, and fluff!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

February, 1888

A knock on her bedroom door drew her from her fitful sleep, making her crack her eyes open and watch as it opened without her even ever giving an invitation to enter. But it made sense. He never bothered with her consent.

Aelin rolled over slowly, trying to ignore him, but the pounding footsteps echoed in her head as they got closer.

“Aelin…” he murmured in a musical taunting tone. She couldn’t help the trembling that started. She squeezed her eyes shut, burying herself into the white comforter as she tried to make him go away. A cold hand grabbed her exposed shoulder, caressing her skin as he pulled her over so she was staring straight into his grey eyes. But no. Those eyes weren’t supposed to exist anymore. He was supposed to be dead.

Confusion raced through her as he smirked at her, panic making her heart beat faster as he began pulling at her nightgown.

“No,” she tried to say, but it came out as a whisper, too faint to matter, as if something in her throat was stopping her from talking. He just laughed and shoved her into the mattress, hissing “you still belong to me, darling. Don’t forget that.”

“You’re dead,” she managed to say, struggling against his grip. “You’re not here.” He leaned in closer, whispering into her ear and making her shudder.

“Are you sure about that?” It was then that he flipped her, ripping her nightgown off her arms as he pinned her against the bed, shoving his hand against the word on her back that was somehow opened again, bleeding again, burning in pain again.

Aelin screamed, searing pain shooting through her as she shoved her face into the pillow. Then somehow he had a knife, and was tracing it over her skin, making her shudder with dread.“Am I not still there, lingering in the back of your mind at all times?” He whispered, his voice like a midnight caress against her ear. “Do I not haunt your dreams and taunt your days, basking in the fear you live in, gloating over the way you can’t even say my name?”

Aelin choked on a sob as the hand not holding the knife drifted down, gliding over her hip and quickly past the hem of the nightgown, as the one with the knife traced lines over her back, writing invisible words into her flesh.

“Go on, Aelin. Say it,” he said, his velvety voice making her gut twist. “Say it,” he repeated, but she remained silent, digging her hands into the sheets. “Do I have to carve it into your skin the way I carved the word whore?” Tears slid down her cheeks. He was dead. He was dead. He was dead. She knew that. And yet the feeling of him behind her was all too real.

“You are a whore, you know that right?” He continued, laughing against the skin of her neck. “A filthy little whore. And a poor excuse for a wife. A useless mother.” She froze. “Your baby didn’t even survive,” he taunted, “and can you produce another one now? Who knows? It’s certainly been long enough. I guess you're just as much of a waste as I said.” Aelin started thrashing, trying to get away from him, but he tightened his grip, keeping her trapped for him. “Maybe I should carve that too, as a reminder of how utterly unwanted and pointless you are. Would you like that?”

She cried out as the knife pricked into her skin, screaming again as he carved letter after letter, word after word, branding her. She sobbed as the rest of her nightgown disappeared, as she was left powerless and helpless. Because she was, wasn’t she? “You are nothing,” he hissed, “nothing without me.”

—

Aelin jerked up with a sob, kicking and scratching and fighting to free herself from the confining blanket. She had to get him off. She had to get him off. She couldn’t catch her breath. Every impact to her lungs felt like there was glass, scratching at the delicate skin. She clawed at the bed, at the sheets, at herself, trying to free herself from his grip. Her back rubbed against the mattress and she let out a pained cry, the memory of its hurt still there.

“Aelin,” a panicked voice said, a voice she vaguely recognized, a voice that was supposed to soothe her. A hand gently touched her shoulder, trying to stop her frantic movements. She jerked away, shaking and breathing heavily. “Aelin,” the voice said a little more calmly “Aelin.”

She was trembling, but she managed to turn her head enough to meet a pair of green eyes staring at her intently. “Breathe, Aelin, breathe.” He stayed apart from her, knowing that she needed the space, but stared at her, as if imploring her to just take a breath. So she did. Aelin tried to breathe in and out, barely able to see him through the tears in her eyes.

“You’re safe,” he murmured from across the bed. “He’s gone, it’s just us here. No one can hurt you.” His brows were furrowed with concern, his silver hair askew from the pillows. They’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms only hours ago, and yet here they were again.

“I’m sorry,” she managed to say after a few minutes, darting her eyes away from his. She wrung her hands together, trying to pour the tension through that as her body soothed itself back to normal. But Rowan grabbed those hands gently, placing a light kiss to each palm as her heartbeat slowed back down.

“Don’t apologize.” He shook his head and then moved so his arm was open to her. Aelin took the invitation readily, scooting over so she could lay her head on his chest and set her hand on his stomach, breathing in his comforting scent. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other pushing hair back behind her ear. And it was easier to talk without being able to look him in the eye. “What was it about this time?” he asked softly. Because she’d had these nightmares recurringly, chasing her into her new life. It seemed she wasn’t able to let go completely.

Aelin sighed. “Mostly the same. I dreamed he wasn’t dead, that he was back and was threatening me. He came into my bedroom at night like he used to, and was ripping off my nightgown, while threatening to cut my back up more.” She pursed her lips. “He taunted me about Eliott, and about me not being able to have another kid.” She took a breath. “He said I’m a useless mother and I’m scared he’s right.”

“No,” Rowan said immediately, combing through her hair. “He’s not right, Aelin. Don’t ever think that. It’s not your fault what happened the first time, and only time can solve the second.”

“It’s been months, Rowan,” she whispered into his bare chest. “Months.”

“And it may be many more months,” he admitted, “but I have faith that it’ll happen. And if it doesn’t, then that’s not your fault either.”

“How is it not?” The words were close to a sob. “I failed Eliott and now I won’t even have the chance to try again.” A tear slipped out.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing her chin so she was forced to look up at him. “You didn’t fail anyone. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. It was the situation, and the stress you were under. Not anything wrong with you.”

“I want to have children, more than anything in the world,” she admitted quietly, “and I’m scared I won’t. I’m scared that you’ll resent me because I can’t.” Aelin looked away, unwilling to see his expression as he remained quiet, likely considering his next words.

“If that bastard wasn’t dead already, I would kill him myself,” he uttered sharply, making her look up in shock, seeing the ice in his eyes. “Aelin, I would never, could never resent you, but I do resent anyone who made you feel that way.” He sighed. “And I would love having children with you, but if it ends up just being us and Fleetfoot, then I’m still the luckiest man alive. Don’t ever forget that.” Aelin smiled softly, warmth replacing the ice cold dread inside of her.

“Can we go visit her tomorrow?” She asked quietly, whispering the small wish. They’d visited the river less recently, busy with their newly married lives, but the connection never faded. Even if she felt like the open wound was slightly closing over.

“Of course,” Rowan said, kissing her hair.

“I love you,” she said, her eyes closing as she readied herself for sleep.

“And I love you too,” he replied, “to whatever end.”

May, 1888

There was something special about your first birthday during a marriage to a man you actually loved, something different. Some indefinable feeling of contentment when you woke up to his smiling face, a thousand kisses ready just for you.

Yes. Aelin was sure that there must be some divine intervention, because she hadn’t had a birthday this nice in years, if ever. Three years ago, she’d gone to dinner with Arobynn, having to run out on Rowan, who she would’ve much rather have stayed with. Two years ago… well, it wasn’t pleasant. But she was glad that she was finally in the headspace to stare at the memory straight in the face instead of pretending it didn’t exist.

And last year had just been boring, as she hadn’t really done anything at all. But this year, she knew right from the moment she woke up that it would be perfect. The sun was shining, birds chirping as Aelin yawned and stretched out on her comfortable bed, a smile already on her face. She was twenty three today. Still a young age, even if it felt like she’d lived lifetimes, but it felt like a new beginning, like she was starting to stitch up the wound of her past.

“Good morning,” a teasing voice beside her said, and she rolled over, meeting the gaze of her husband.

“Good morning.” She smiled, leaning and pursing her lips for a kiss, which he quickly obliged. But then she narrowed her eyes as she noticed that he was hiding something behind his back, sitting up and leaning over her with one hand holding something she couldn’t see. “And what do you have there?” She asked, tilting her head and lifting a brow.

“A present for you mademoiselle,” he joked, moving his hand to reveal a plate with a slice of chocolate hazelnut cake on it.

“Cake for breakfast?” Aelin lifted a hand to her chest in a show of dramatics. “You spoil me.”

“I only aim to please.” His smile was radiant, and she couldn’t help but let out a small giggle at the sight. A giggle.

“Are you going to yell at me for getting food on the sheets?” She chuckled, sitting up and leaning toward him.

“Well, we stain the sheets plenty on our own so I don’t think I can.” He quirked a brow, and she found herself reveling in the way the sunlight streamed in, gracing the planes of his face and bare chest.

“Rowan Whitethorn,” she faked a gasp, “making a dirty joke? How unlike you.” He just scoffed, moving the cake out of her reach.

“I don’t have to give this to you, you know,” he said, making it clear it was a joke.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Aelin smiled. “It’s my birthday, you have to be nice to me.”

“Is it your birthday? I didn’t know,” he teased, darting his eyes down as she let the sheet fall, revealing her bare body too. Heat was already sparking through her, but her eyes were locked on the cake instead.

“Don’t be rude.” She frowned. “I won’t kiss you if you are.” Rowan chuckled and moved the cake back into her reach, giving it to her.

“Alas, you know my weakness.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek while grabbing the plate, smiling radiantly as she leaned back against the headboard, diving in to the delicacy.

“This is from Faliq’s right?” She asked, and he nodded, leaning back to sit next to her.

“Of course. I would never dare to get it from anywhere else.”

“And that’s why I love you.” Aelin dropped her head to lean against his shoulder, and he ghosted a quick kiss across her hair.

---

Rowan could do nothing but watch his wife, the love of his life, the one thing in life he would do anything for, as she spun around, laughing and showing off her dress to him. It was moments like this that he was truly grateful that for all she’d been through, she could still look at him and smile.

“Why are you looking at me like that, you weirdo?” Aelin asked, stopping and tilting her head in that teasing way of hers.

“You’re beautiful,” was all he could say, leaning back in his chair and smiling at the way she blushed slightly, pleased that after all this time she still got flustered by his compliments.

“Well you don’t look too bad yourself,” she recovered, walking over to him. Her hands slid onto his shoulders and his automatically went to her waist, looking up at her face that was flushed with happiness.

“Thank you, dear wife,�� he teased.

“Of course, dear husband.” They stayed silent for a moment, her dancing blue eyes saying words she didn’t bother saying out loud. And Rowan grabbed her hand, pressing a soft kiss to her palm before pulling himself to a stand.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said. Aelin scoffed but went willingly, clutching his hand tight as he led them out of their room and down the stairs, laughing as Fleetfoot chased after them, excited even if she didn’t know what for.

“I think as the birthday girl, you should tell me where we’re going,” Aelin managed to say as they ran.

“But that would be giving away the surprise.” He smiled at her as they made their way out the front door, waving at the butler as they passed.

The night was warm when they got outside, the stars shining brightly. A few carriages passed, people on their way to dinner, just like them, and Rowan nodded, smiling warmly at everyone as they slowed to a walk. Aelin chuckled and leaned against him, clutching his hand as they strolled down the street. He pressed a quick kiss to her head, a peaceful feeling filling his chest. He wasn’t wrong, she did look beautiful tonight. Her golden hair was pulled up in a loose updo, strands falling out and framing her flushed face. She’d picked a red dress to wear tonight, one that hugged her figure and then flared out to make her look like a flame, high enough in the back to cover her scar like always.

She didn’t have a large closet, or a large array of dresses, even if she could afford them. She didn’t need such a frilly wardrobe, as she’d said. That way, according to her, it made it more special when she got a new dress, and she didn’t need to waste her money or time going to the tailor’s practically every day. Aelin claimed quite readily that she didn’t care if their prissy neighbors judged her for wearing clothing more than once. That was their problem, not hers. Rowan didn’t mind. He didn’t care what anyone else thought either.

The pair of them hadn’t since they’d gotten married, ignoring the surprise of the community when they finally released the news in the social column in the paper. There had been a lag time when everyone was confused, having no idea where their relationship had come from. It didn’t make sense to a lot of people, as Rowan offered her nothing that she didn’t have, and made her lose her title of Lady, and it was unthinkable to people that they could be in love. Apparently.

But after a few weeks, the invitations had started coming again, the social calls to their brand new house beginning, and Rowan had had to put up with it all. And even Aelin had complained, even if she was more of the social butterfly than him. But neither of them were very eager to put up with the people who just wanted to use them for their money and influence. But they could only limit it, not stop it completely, if they wanted to remain at least partly in society.

They kept their privacy though, and many moments where it was just the two of them, and Fleetfoot of course, in their own home. Maybe one day more, but he wouldn’t bring that up, knowing it was weighing heavily on Aelin. It hurt him to see her so pained, even if she tried to hide it from him. He knew her better than anyone else, and knew when she was hurting inside. He was glad to see that some of that ache from Arobynn was starting to ease, as she was much more comfortable and confident around him than she had been before and could more openly talk about what happened without cringing or shying away, but this had just taken that empty spot.

Instead of her believing she was a failure for not protecting herself, she believed she was a failure for not protecting their child, and for not having a chance to protect another one. And she wouldn’t even listen to him when he tried to rationally explain that it wasn’t her fault, and that these things took time. She just shut him out and agreed without actually agreeing. And that had been happening too much recently, which was why he was so glad to see her so happy. Aelin leaned against his shoulder, smiling softly as they walked. Rowan wrapped an arm around her, holding her close, feeling such a warmth of contentment in his heart.

Their trip wasn’t long, as the place wasn’t too far away, and he had to hide his giddiness as he led her up to the doors of the restaurant. The same restaurant they used to meet at all those years ago. He’d rented it out for the evening, making a deal with the owner, who was happy to help when Rowan pulled out a wad of cash. Aelin looked up at him with an eyebrow raised as they got closer to the door, and he pulled them to a stop.

“Close your eyes,” he told her softly, making it clear it wasn’t a demand. If she didn’t want to, he wasn’t going to force her. She kept her brows raised but closed her eyes, pinching his arm at the same time, his wince of pain making her chuckle.

“You know I don’t like surprises,” she accused, and he grabbed her hand, loosely pulling her to the door. He sucked in a nervous breath as he opened the door, leading her inside. Like the owner had promised, there were lit candles lining the whole space, making it glow. There was a single table in the middle of the room, with more candles and a bouquet of kingsflame in the middle, and their dinner sitting on two plates.

Rowan checked to make sure Aelin’s eyes were still closed before guiding her closer to the table, kissing her cheek and leaving her standing there as he walked over to a table set against the wall, the table that held the present he’d gotten for her. He’d been hard pressed to get it, as it wasn’t even available in most markets yet, but Vaughan had told him about it, interested in the new invention, and Rowan knew he had to get it for her.

He loosed a breath, grabbing the needle and moving it to the disc, setting it down and fidgeting with the gramophone until the soft classical music started playing. He hadn’t tested it out yet, but the sound was perfect. Not quite as clear as a live musician, but a little warmer, and homier, and perfect. It would be great to fill their house, so Aelin could listen to music whenever she wanted, and so she could introduce their future children to music early on, with her piano too of course, and raise them in a household full of song.

He looked back, smiling as an astonished but intrigued smile grew on Aelin’s face, her eyes still closed. Rowan walked back over slowly, ending up behind her and grabbing both her hands, leaning forward to hug her around her back. He was about to tell her to open her eyes when he felt her tense at his touch. She went rigid, freezing in place, her breathing stopping, and he started moving his hands away, backing up to give her some space. Stupid. He was so stupid.

He took a step back, but Aelin loosed a breath and grabbed his arms, keeping them locked around her. “I’m fine,” she assured him. She burrowed herself back into him, and he took a risk and set his chin on her head. She made a hum of contentment and he finally relaxed as she relaxed into him.

“Okay,” he murmured into her ear, “now open your eyes.” He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear her soft gasp of wonder as she took in the room. Rowan pressed a kiss to her hair, trailing them down into he pressed a final one to the fabric covering her scar as her eyes wandered the decorations.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed, staying in his arms as she turned around, a radiant smile on her face, her eyes a little misty. “Thank you,” she managed to say, choking up a bit. He knew there was more she wasn’t saying, more depth beneath those words that didn’t even need to be said to be understood. He knew what she was trying to convey.

“Of course, Fireheart,” he said, gently kissing her forehead. “Happy birthday.”

November, 1888

Aelin knew what was happening.

Aelin knew what was happening the moment she woke up sick to her stomach, darting to the bathroom to avoid vomiting on the bed. She knew what was happening when she couldn’t find the energy to get off the floor, when already the nausea was so bad she felt like curling into herself and hiding there forever. It had happened like this last time. It had been so clear that it couldn’t be anything else. Especially because her cycle was late.

She was pregnant.

Aelin took a deep breath, trying to fight the roiling in her stomach. But it was of no use and she was vomiting again. She shuddered, feeling like her guts were leaving her body. She didn’t know why she was cursed to have such bad sickness when pregnant, to feel miserable and ill while growing another life inside of her. Not that the pain diminished any of the joy, it was just uncomfortable.

She leaned her forehead against the wall, closing her eyes and focusing on soothing her body down. She was grateful that Rowan was an earlier riser than her. He was likely already downstairs, eating breakfast and waiting for her to wake up and come join him. Because she didn’t know what to think about this. On one hand, she was overjoyed, beyond thrilled that after months and months of waiting, she was finally getting this chance. This was all she’d wanted, all she and Rowan had been hoping for. On the other hand, she was so godsdamned scared.

How was she supposed to stop the same thing from happening? How was she supposed to protect this baby from the same fate that had befallen the first? And how would she forgive herself if it happened again? She’d been so desperate to have a child but she hadn’t realized until it was actually happening that she wasn’t sure she could do it.

She took another deep breath, hands coming to cup her still flat stomach, hoping that she would last to see it round and full, ready to pop. But a small nervous smile graced her face. She couldn’t feel anything yet, but gods she was ready to. And she already loved the child who was just waiting to grow.

Of course, she still needed to confirm it, to go to a healer and make sure her suspicion was right. But she was positive it was. Her mind had turned over every single feeling, every single moment of her last pregnancy dozens of times, and this felt exactly the same as that one had. At least at the beginning.

Aelin chewed on her lip, considering the situation. Over a year of marriage and she was finally pregnant. It was a good thing, a blessing. Another stitch to the wound that was Arobynn. And Rowan would be thrilled, but she wasn’t going to tell him yet. She didn’t think she could stand to see the crushing disappointment on his face if she lost this one too. So she’d wait it out, avoid telling him until she couldn’t hide it anymore, putting off that moment as long as she could. If only to try and spare him the tumultuous mix of emotions in her own heart.

—

Rowan didn’t know what was wrong. He didn’t know what had snapped Aelin back into being as white as a ghost, slightly clammy as she looked at the crowd with wide and nervous eyes. They’d been married for over a year now, and he didn’t think he’d seen her look like this in that whole time. Even when she woke up from nightmares, tossing and turning and reaching for him, she was more distraught. Now she just looked frozen. And sick.

He wouldn’t pressure her into telling him what was wrong, but he offered his support as they made their way into Vaughan and Lyria’s ballroom. They had received the invitation the week before, and Aelin had been excited for it at the time, but now she just seemed tired.

Even when met with the sight of all of their friends, as the ball was private and only hosting people that Vaughan and Lyria actually knew and could fit in the smaller room, Aelin’s face was drawn, with a smile that was clearly forced. He held her arm, pulling her aside gently before they could get roped into a conversation.

“Hey, are you okay?” Rowan asked, furrowing his brows and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She nodded, but leaned into his hand, resting her cheek on his palm. He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone before grabbing her hand with his free one. “Is there something bothering you?” This time she shook her head, remaining quiet. “Well if you’re sure - “ He hesitated, and she smiled a genuine smile this time, likely about to make fun of him for his fussiness.

“I’m fine, buzzard,” she finally said, straightening up. “Let’s go find Elide, I need to ask her something.”

“Okay,” he agreed, and she leaned into him as they made their way through people, smiling and saying brief words of greeting at Dorian and Sorscha, Aelin’s parents, Aedion and Lysandra, until they found Elide, standing with Lorcan and her parents in the back of the room. There were some people there that weren’t as close to them, like Ansel Briarcliff and Rolfe, and the Moonbeams, and some various others that they talked with at balls but not necessarily other places, so the room was full, people out on the floor dancing, and a lot of laughter filling the air.

When they reached Elide, Aelin looked up at him with her brows raised, her lips quirked up halfheartedly as he read the dismissal in her eyes. Rowan just chuckled and looked over to Lorcan, who shrugged and went with him, the Lochans understanding too and drifting over to the Galathynius’. He didn’t know what she needed to talk to Elide about, but he wasn’t going to intrude, even if it made him wary to leave her right now. So he and Lorcan wandered away, trailing along the edge of the dance floor.

“Where’s Flynn tonight?” Rowan asked him, referring to Elide and Lorcan’s almost one year old son.

“With the nanny,” he answered, chuckling. “It’s our first night away from him in ages but I think Elide’s already regretting it.” He glanced back, seeing Aelin looking pensive as she talked to Elide, her face still ghost white. Her stance was defensive, hugging herself slightly as the brunette woman looked at her. For a vague second, he wondered if that’s what was upsetting her. The same issue that had been haunting her for months. It’d been difficult for both of them to see all of their friends have children, although they were always overjoyed getting to take care of the three honorary nieces and nephews.

Vaughan and Lyria had been first, and their daughter was on her way to two years old, then Lorcan and Elide, with their son, Flynn, and Aedion and Lysandra had just had their little girl only a few months before. He and Aelin were just waiting now, with bated breath.

He’d comforted her multiple times while she cried, holding her close and keeping her from disparaging herself over it. He didn’t let her see when he got upset over it himself, not wanting her to feel guilty for his sorrow.

“Well it’s probably nice to have a break,” Rowan said distractedly, shrugging with his hands in his pockets. Lorcan sensed his turmoil, and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

“You and Aelin will get your chance soon,” he said, giving him a small smile. “And then Flynn will have a new baby cousin to mess with.”

“I hope so,” Rowan sighed, “I don’t know how to keep her happy otherwise.” A warm hand touched his elbow, and he looked over to see Aelin, a weak smile on her face.

“Hi,” he murmured, smiling back. She stayed quiet but rested her head on his shoulder, and he turned to kiss her forehead. It was then that the musicians in the corner started up a new song, and he got an idea. “Do you want to go dance?” Rowan asked her, hoping doing something he knew she loved to do would help cheer her up. Aelin hesitated, but agreed, and he grabbed her hands loosely, guiding her out to the floor and into the soft waltz. She sighed and rested her head on his chest, and he brushed a hand up and down her back soothingly, caressing over her scar as they danced.

“You can tell me anything, you know that right?” He murmured softly, but she remained silent. “You’re worrying me.” No response.

It was his turn to sigh, but he picked the dance back up, picking up the pace of their movements to fit the livelier song. Aelin followed suit, and he felt a flicker of relief when she smiled at him, a real smile that actually met her eyes. But then he spun her, following the direction of the dance, and her face went pale again, with a hint of green. He furrowed his brows, reaching out to catch her as she moved a little unsteadily on her feet. But she darted away, hurrying gracefully toward the exit. It was at that moment that Rowan considered that maybe she was actually sick. That what was bothering her wasn’t in her head but something making her feel miserable.

He cursed and followed her, darting through the crowd to keep her in sight as she made her way into the hallway. He almost stumbled as Dorian Havilliard tried to stop him to say hello, but he dismissed him with a quick nod and kept moving.

His heart was beating rapidly, loud in his ears, and he barely breathed as he chased after the love of his life, heart stopping completely when he found her hunched over in the bathroom, retching.

“Aelin!” Rowan crouched down next to her, pulling back her hair as she vomited. “What’s going on?” He knew his voice sounded panicky, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care, not when she was slumping forward, her skin clammy as she rested her head against the wall, a slight reprieve from the attack of nausea.

She let out a small pained noise, a tear slipping out of her closed eyes as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. Rowan tucked her hair over her shoulders, brushing it back from her face as soothingly as he could. He wrapped an arm gently around her, caressing her skin with his hand and pulling her carefully over to him. Aelin followed willingly, burying her face into his shirt as he held her, kneeling on the bathroom floor. It didn’t take him long to realize she was crying.

“It’s okay, love,” he murmured into her ear. “I’ve got you.” He furrowed his brows worriedly as she breathed into him, trying to comfort her the best he could. But Aelin was soon turning and retching again, gasping for her air as her body heaved. Once she was done she sighed, facing away from him. But she reached out and squeezed his hand, that point of contact enough to stabilize both of them.

“Aelin,” Rowan said quietly, trying to get her to look at him, just so he could see her eyes and see that she was okay, “Fireheart.” She looked back, her lip trembling, fear filling her blue eyes and stopping his heart once again.

“What’s wrong?” He practically whispered. Aelin took a breath, conflict clear on her face.

“I’m pregnant,” she answered, her voice so weak.

Silence. He froze as he processed the words, tears of joy already filling his eyes. He let out an incredulous laugh, smiling.

“You’re pregnant?” He breathed. “We’re having a baby?” Hope rose in his chest, happiness and excitement already growing, but Aelin let go of his hand, wringing hers together in her lap. She shook her head and his smile dropped, ice filling his veins.

“I don’t know,” she said, looking down, “I don’t know if we’re having a baby.” A tear slipped down her pale and splotchy face, and his heart shattered. He knew what the issue was.

“Aelin - “ he began, trying to find the right words, but she just kept talking.

“I don’t know what’ll happen,” she rambled, “I don’t know how to do this again. I don’t know if I can do this again.” She finally looked at him. “What if … “ she trailed off, but Rowan knew what she wanted to say.

What if I lose this one too?

He loosed a heavy breath, reaching to drag a hand down his face. But he used his other hand to grab one of hers, squeezing it tight to offer a bit of comfort.

“I know it’s overwhelming, I know it’s a lot,” Rowan said calmly, “I know you’re probably scared and I am too. But,” he took a deep breath, lifting a hand to her face and wiping a few tears away with his thumb. “This is what we wanted, right?” She nodded warily, and he smiled crookedly at her. “So let’s just take it one day at a time.” He couldn’t give her much more reassurance than that, because he couldn’t guarantee that something wouldn’t go wrong. Her environment certainly played a role last time, but he couldn’t say that it wasn’t something else too. And she knew that.

Aelin let out a sigh that sounded too much like a sob. “What am I supposed to do?” She asked quietly, looking at his shirt instead of his face and clutching her stomach tightly.

“What are we supposed to do,” he corrected, and she looked up, her blue eyes wide. “I know you were alone last time, and I’m still so, so sorry for that. But you aren’t alone now, and you aren’t going to go through this by yourself.”

“I’m so scared,” she murmured weakly, and he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.

“I know,” he said, “so one day at a time okay? One day at a time.” Aelin nodded, and he smiled. “But hey, we’re having another kid,” he continued with more lightness in his tone. “And you are going to be an amazing mother, because you are the most amazing woman I know.” She smiled at him lightly, and then looked down at her stomach and chuckled.

“What?” Rowan asked, amusement in his tone.

“It seems like this baby is already making me emotional,” she joked, “only a few weeks in and I’m already crying.”

“Did you cry a lot last time?” He asked, curious about the time he had missed.

“No,” she said after a minute, contemplating. “I poured most of my emotions into the letters to you, and” she hesitated, “I didn’t want him to see me cry. You’re the only one I let myself be vulnerable around.” A bittersweet silence filled the air and he pulled her tight to him, hugging her while they sat on the bathroom floor.

“One day at a time,” she whispered after a few moments, and Rowan made a noise of agreement.

“One day at a time,” he confirmed, combing through her hair gently, “and then we can meet our baby boy.” She looked up.

“Boy?” She asked, her brows furrowed.

“I just have a feeling,” he shrugged, and she smiled softly.

“I’d like that,” she murmured, leaning against him, and he smiled too, an idea of something striking his mind, something he wanted to do. He just needed to ask Elide for a huge favor.

“Me too.”

January, 1889

Aelin Whitethorn was exhausted. Utterly exhausted.

Like before, she’d been hit hard with nausea and pain her first trimester of her pregnancy, starting and not stopping from back in November.

Rowan had been fussy of course, and she was being very cautious, so she’d practically been on bedrest, even if she was barely even showing. It really wasn’t even noticeable besides the fact that she had been obsessively checking for any changes, eager to see some sign of growth that she hadn’t gotten to last time. And that was making her even more tired, because she was approaching the time in her pregnancy when she’d lost Eliott. The emotional strain was a lot.

The baby inside of her was sapping all her energy, and she found herself dozing off most of the day, even when she was downstairs, going on a walk or trying to read. Even when she visited the office, checking in with Vaughan to see how everything was going, her eyes drooped more than they should.

And now, in the carriage on the way to Aedion and Lysandra’s house, she was falling asleep on Rowan’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. The coach jostled as they hit a bump, and she startled awake, gasping a bit. Rowan’s chuckle rumbled through her, and she shoved his shoulder, frowning teasingly at him.

“Don’t laugh at me,” she joked, a small smile on her face. He snorted.

“I’ll laugh at you if I want to,” he teased, tapping her on the nose. She snapped her teeth at him, making him laugh. “Menace.”

“Always.” Aelin laughed and then dropped her head back onto his shoulder, her eyes almost closing automatically. She heard him chuckle again as she once again fell into the grasp of sleep.

------

“Aelin!”

She snapped her head up, blinking her eyes and trying to focus on who’d said her name. She felt groggy as her gaze flickered over everyone, freezing as she realized everyone was staring at her.

“I’ve called your name three times already,” Aedion said, with an exasperated smile on his face.

“Sorry,” Aelin murmured, her cheeks red. She adjusted her position in the dining table chair, trying to sit up more to avoid slumping over and falling asleep, especially after the full meal they’d just had.

“Are you okay?” Her father asked from his spot across the table, his brows furrowed. She nodded, looking at Rowan, who was sitting next to her, for a second, meeting his soft smile.

“Yeah I’m fine,” she replied, which was technically true, “just tired.”

“Is someone keeping you up all night?” Lysandra added, waggling her brows, and Aedion made a choked noise, glaring at his wife. Aelin just chuckled, smiling at the woman. They’d gotten close very quickly after everything happened, becoming good friends and remaining good friends over the past few years. Lysandra had been there at Aelin’s wedding, just like she’d been at hers. And Aelin had been there after she gave birth to her and Aedion’s daughter, Evangeline, who was sleeping upstairs in the nursery.

To her surprise, Evalin laughed at the joke too, smiling from her spot next to Rhoe. Aedion had hosted the party of six for a nice dinner, a good chance to catch up among family, and Aelin had thought it was a good occasion to get out of the house, even if she was slightly regretting it now. Especially as the rich food swirled in her stomach slightly, the unsettled feeling creeping back, and she took a deep breath, trying to dispel any trace of nausea.

Rowan’s hand dropped down to brush her back, making soothing motions over the fabric, caressing her covered scar while still paying attention to the rest of the table. Just that simple contact was enough to ground her. So Aelin put on a smile and rejoined the conversation, which had somehow turned to them ganging up on Aedion about his hypocrisy, laughing at him about all the dirty jokes he used to make.

“Aedion, you used to ask me if I was so grumpy because I wasn’t getting any ‘action’ as you put it,” Rowan laughed, and her cousin scowled.

“But I don’t want to hear that about my cousin,” he complained, and Aelin snorted at his struggle. But it was Rhoe who refuted that statement.

“I think that’s kind of the same thing isn’t it?” He pointed out, and Aedion’s face twisted with disgust.

Aelin laughed. “Yeah we are married, Aedion,” she said, earning a scowl. “Who do you think is helping him with that?” He made a noncommittal noise, screwing his eyes shut like he was trying to block out her words.

“Don’t be such a baby,” Lysandra chuckled.

“You already have one of those upstairs,” Evalin added with a devious smile. Aelin couldn’t help the way her hand slid carefully to her stomach, hopefully hiding the action from the rest of the group. But not from Rowan, who tightened his grip on her shoulder, and not from Evalin, who looked at her with a knowing expression. She was too observant sometimes.

Aelin grabbed her glass of water, taking a sip to hide her soft smile. She looked over to Rowan, who was smiling too.

----

“Can I talk to you, Aelin?” Her mother asked her softly as they all stood up from the table to go to the drawing room for drinks. Aelin nodded, kissing Rowan on the cheek before letting Evalin pull her aside into the hallway. She stopped facing her, a small hopeful smile on her face.

“Are you pregnant, sweetheart?” Evalin asked quietly, glancing down at her still flat stomach, hidden by her corsetless dress. Aelin hesitated, chewing on her lip before smiling and nodding smally. Her mother made an excited gasp, grabbing her daughter’s hands gently. “I thought so at dinner, but I wanted to make sure.” She furrowed her brows. “How are you feeling?”

Aelin shrugged noncommittally, looking away. “Not too great,” she said honestly, “the nausea and tiredness is really bad, just like last time if you remember.” Evalin nodded in confirmation. “And it’s getting close to - that time,” she trailed off awkwardly, but from the look in her mother’s eyes, she knew what she was implying. “That’s why we haven’t been telling people yet, we wanted to wait a few more weeks.”

“And that’s why you’ve been more distant recently,” Evalin realized, and Aelin nodded.

“I’ve been taking it easy,” she added, shrugging. As if perfect timing, a wave of nausea overtook her and she winced, bracing a hand against the wall. She closed her eyes, breathing through the attack, and her mother’s cool hand landed on her back, comforting her. A groan escaped her, and Aelin furrowed her brows, breathing deeply to keep from retching. The heavy food had been a mistake.

“Gods,” she groaned, screwing her eyes shut, one hand going to her stomach while the other held her against the wall.

“Should I get Rowan?” Evalin asked, concern clear in her voice. Aelin nodded quickly, making a noise while clenching her mouth shut. Her guts felt like they were leaving her body, the baby inside of her sending her whole insides into a frenzy. Her stomach twisted, and a wave of cold came over her. No. Please no. Not again.

She let out a small cry, dizziness passing over her, and she nearly fell to the ground, her shaky arm the only thing holding her up. She heard her mother run away, her shoes clicking against the floor as she went to go grab Rowan.

Rowan. Yes, she needed Rowan. A sharp pain hit her and she gritted her teeth, stopping her scream from coming out. Her skin felt clammy and her vision started blurring.

“Aelin!” came from a voice she recognized, the voice she longed to hear, and she looked up at him, pure fear sinking in her stomach. Fear that matched the expression on his face.

“Rowan,” she breathed, clenching her eyes shut as another wave hit her, and she couldn’t help the little whimper that escaped her. Her knees started giving out and he darted forward to catch her, hefting her up in his arms and hurrying to the room.

“Come on,” he was muttering to himself, “come on.” A flash of pain made her clutch her abdomen, and she sobbed when a trickle of wetness trickled down her leg, feeling all too similar to blood.

“I can’t,” she cried, “Rowan.”

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” he repeated, as if saying it enough times would make it true. Aelin just clenched her eyes shut as he set her down on the couch, hearing faint voices around her swirling head.

“...alright?” “...pregnant…” “... a doctor! Now!”

The unmistakable sound of a door opening and slamming, the cool touch of a hand against her forehead, Rowan’s presence next to her, holding her hand and whispering comforting words. But black was creeping into her vision, and there was only so much she could do before she was falling into the grasp of unconsciousness.

——

Aelin was quiet the next day, a haunted look in her eyes that Rowan would do anything to fix. Their baby was perfectly fine, nothing wrong with him or her, but it was close. Too close.

A threatened miscarriage, the doctor had explained. It was almost one. It was on its way to being one. But it wasn’t. The doctor had said he hadn’t seen one that bad before, usually seeing women experiencing more mild symptoms, and Aelin was ordered on strict bed rest because of it.

Rowan had rarely left her side. A few times to get her food, a few times for business matters, and then once to get a package from Elide. A package that had come at the perfect time.

She was sitting up in their bed when he came back in, a book open in a show of reading, even though he knew she hadn’t read a single word on the page. Fleetfoot was laying next to her, her head resting on Aelin’s leg. Rowan knocked on the door with a knuckle, smiling at her softly as she looked up, her eyes immediately darting to the gift he had wrapped in his hands.

“What’s that?” She asked, smiling weakly and adding a hint of snark to her voice, like she was trying hard to push back to her normal self.

“It’s for you,” Rowan answered, sliding on to the bed next to her. Aelin set down her book and warily grabbed the package, peeling back the paper slowly. He held his breath, hoping with all his heart that she liked it. She sighed softly as she pulled out a beautiful cream baby blanket, with a pattern of kings flame flowers embroidered on it. Deep emotion flickered in her eyes as she looked at it.

“I asked Elide to make it,” he explained, “after I found out you were pregnant. It’s like the good luck charm she made back then, the one you had when you killed Arobynn.” He was rambling now. “It’s meant to bring you luck during the rest of your pregnancy.”

Her lip trembled as she set down the blanket on her lap, tracing a flower slowly with her finger. The design was very soft and elegant and quite feminine, but it didn’t matter what gender their child was, this blanket was more for her than for them. Aelin remained silent, staring at the fabric, and Rowan began to fidget, nerves striking him the longer she didn’t talk.

“It’s beautiful,” she finally managed to whisper, turning to look at him, endless depth in her blue eyes. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” was all he said, nodding at her. He didn’t need to say anything else and neither did she. He leaned against the headboard and held out his arm for her, hugging her close as she scooted over into his embrace.

“Can you read to me?” She asked quietly, and he nodded again.

Rowan reached over and grabbed her book, flipping to her page, and he began reading the words softly as she clutched the blanket to her chest, leaning her head on his shoulder. Fleetfoot huffed and made her way over to them, setting her head more on Aelin’s stomach this time, and they both smiled at the sight. Their family was still safe.

March, 1889

Five months along and Aelin was finally beginning to relax. She was out of the danger zone, and now she was just counting down the weeks until they got to meet their baby. Things had certainly calmed down since the incident back in January, and she was grateful for it. She and Rowan actually got to enjoy her being pregnant instead of stressing that something was going to go wrong.

They’d visited Eliott the week before, telling her about her new baby brother or sister, and they’d even started decorating a nursery, in the room right next to their bedroom so they could always be close. They’d gotten a new rocking chair, and a new crib, and new decorations, and the baby blanket topped it all off by adding that missing touch. That touch of love.

Aelin smiled softly as she placed her hands on her abdomen, the swell showing now. It wasn’t anywhere near as big as it was going to get, but you could look at her and clearly see that she was pregnant.

She leaned back in her chair in the drawing room, closing her eyes for a minute as she brushed her thumb over her stomach. She’d been able to start moving around more in the past couple of weeks, taking it easy but not being forced to sit in her bed all day. Now she’d been able to leave the house actually, taking a short visit to Elide and Marion, although she’d had to walk instead of riding in the carriage, as the many bumps and the rough road would potentially be more dangerous.

“Are you sleeping again?” Rowan’s voice sounded as he made his way into the room. Aelin looked up, smiling teasingly at him.

“I’m just resting,” she chuckled, “I got plenty of sleep already.” She lifted a brow and tilted her head. “I don’t have you keeping me up at night anymore so I’m getting a full eight hours.” She sighed dramatically, shrugging.

Rowan chuckled, shaking his head as he walked over to the other side of the room, and Aelin bit her lip at the sight. They hadn’t done anything like that since she found out she was pregnant. And she didn’t know if it was because of her hormones or because of that length of time, but every time she saw him she was ready to jump him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, looking at her with a smile over his shoulder as he fiddled with the gramophone.

“Like what?” She feigned ignorance, sinking back and trying to look innocent. Rowan just snorted, and then the soft classical music started playing as he successfully turned it on. Aelin rose a brow as he made his way back over to her, holding out his hand. She accepted it dramatically, and he pulled her gently to a stand, guiding her into a soft dance, her head resting on his chest with their hands clutched together with her other on his shoulder and his on her waist, coming to brush over her bump every once in a while. He hummed to the music and she sighed, nestling into him. This was such a different position than she was in three years ago, she couldn’t ever imagine how they got to this point.

“Do you ever think about how different our lives would be if we never met?” Aelin murmured into his shirt, and he hesitated before answering, like he was considering his answer.

“Mine would certainly be way more boring,” he joked, making it a little more lighthearted. Aelin chuckled, but then sighed as they danced, trying to keep herself from slipping into the darkness still in the back of her mind.

“I would probably still be married to him,” she said quietly, “I doubt that would’ve changed and I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage by myself to do something about it, although I don’t know how long I could’ve survived that life for.”

Rowan pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Well then we’re both lucky we met each other, right?”

“Right,” she smiled at him, “and I wouldn’t change anything for the world.”

A flutter went through her stomach, a slight sharp pain, and she winced, brows furrowing. Her heart almost stopped, her brain turning toward the worst possibilities, the worst case scenario, but she quickly realized what it was as another dart of discomfort hit near her ribs. Rowan furrowed his brows too, immediately noting her expression with concern.

But then she beamed, a brighter smile than she’d given in a long time. She moved his hand to rest on her bump, holding it against the spot that had just been hit. It happened again, and then he smiled too, a sound of joy escaping him.

“Is that -” he asked, and she nodded, tears of happiness forming.

“That’s our baby,” she managed to say through her blinding smile, and he laughed incredulously, keeping that hand there while the other cupped her cheek. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together, and a tear slipped out.

“I love you,” he murmured, tears of his own in his eyes. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” she couldn’t fight the bubbling in her heart. The music was still playing, the dance waiting for them, but they just stood there, reveling in the joy that was forming, and their family that was finally growing.

August, 1889

Pain. That’s all she could focus on. Pain, and the searing grip she had on Rowan’s hand, so tight she was sure she was breaking a few fingers.

Aelin panted, trying to breath through the intense pressure, white creeping into her vision as Rowan murmured “almost there, you’re almost done, you’re doing so well”.

She tried to shoot him a smile but a contraction hit her and she gritted her teeth to hold back a yell, listening as the healer told her to push. She squeezed Rowan’s hand even harder as she put all her energy into pushing, breathing heavily as her body threatened to burst. A tear pricked her gaze as she squeezed her eyes shut, squeezing the rest of her body too, until a bit of a reprieve came, and she panted to get in as much air as she could.

“Just one more push, Aelin,” Marion said, from where she stood by the healer, helping her out the best she could. Aelin nodded quickly, leaning her head into Rowan’s hand as he pushed her sweaty hair back from her face, bracing herself as another wave came, and this time she couldn’t hold back her scream as she pushed with everything she had in her.

She felt like she was close to passing out, the pain almost taking her, but then… relief. And a baby’s cry. Her baby’s cry.

She opened her eyes, slowly cracking them open and looking to her side. Rowan’s hand was on her face, a soft smile full of disbelief as he looked away from her. Her nightgown was plastered to her skin with sweat, and she was emotionally and physically drained, but she gathered enough energy to look to the front, where the healer was turned away, Marion over by the chair, grabbing the kingsflame baby blanket.

“Where’s…” she trailed off, furrowing her brows.

“He’s being cleaned up right now,” Evalin’s soft voice came from her other side, and Aelin turned her head, unaware that she was even in there.

“He?” Aelin asked, a little dazed. Her mother smiled at her, nodding and tilting her head to where the healer was turning back around, a baby now wrapped in the blanket in her arms.

“He’s beautiful,” she said as she passed the child into Aelin’s arms, backing away to give her a moment. Evalin placed a kiss on her forehead before heading toward the door, Marion giving her a smile before following, the healer leaving after, leaving her and Rowan alone.

Aelin smiled down at the little baby in her arms, laughing softly as he waved his little arms around, his little face squinting. Rowan huffed a sound of surprise, leaning toward her and placing a kiss on her temple before tapping their baby lightly on the nose.

“You did it, Aelin,” he breathed, “We have a baby. A baby boy.” He smiled brightly, and Aelin gestured for him to climb up next to her, not taking her gaze away from their son. Rowan sat up next to her, and she leaned against him, letting out a breath. Their son’s eyes flicked open, squinting, and both her and Rowan made little coos as they saw that his eyes were the same as Aelin’s. They were still hazy, but the flicker of gold was unmistakable, just like the little sprinkling of silver hair was unmistakable.

He was the perfect mix of the two of them, and she felt a tear of happiness slip down her flushed face.

“He really is beautiful,” Rowan said quietly through his soft smile, and Aelin made a small noise of agreement. He was perfect. And he felt perfect in her arms.

“Eden Whitethorn,” she whispered, and her husband, the love of her life, and the father of her child pressed another kiss to her cheek. Eden, the name they’d decided on weeks ago, during a quiet moment in bed. He stretched, moving his tiny little body, and Aelin held him tighter to her, love radiating from both her and Rowan as he made a small little noise, almost like a tiny yawn.

“You’re so amazing,” Rowan whispered to her, “so unbelievably amazing,” he pressed another kiss to her face, “I love you both so much.”

“I love you too,” she murmured back, too enraptured by Eden’s beautiful eyes, smiling as he focused them on her, like he recognized that she was his mother. “Hi,” she said lightly to him, “I’m your mother, and this is your father.” She rested her head on Rowan’s shoulder. “We both love you so much already, and we’re so happy to have the honor to be your parents. So so happy.” Her voice trailed off, her throat tight from unshed tears.

Rowan moved his arm, holding her around the shoulders as they basked in the moment. Eden gurgled and they both chuckled quietly.

It had taken her years, taken them years, to work from a secret relationship, lighthearted but still forced into the shadows, to two broken hearts, forced apart by circumstance and a dark figure only motivated by selfishness, to now, married and in love, growing their family. She’d been forced to work through struggles and grief that most people never had to experience, but if anything, it just made this peace all the more worth it. And she was ready for the rest of her life.

Taglist:

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

Text

Ivy - Epilogue Part One

Masterlist

I wanted to put this all in one part, but it would’ve been way too long, so i just decided to split it here, where it felt natural. Hope you enjoy! And stay tuned for part two (the actual last part of ivy 😭)

CW: mentions of sexual assault, NSFW, slight panic attack, and fluff!

- 7k words

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August, 1887

Aelin knew she wouldn’t get a single wink of sleep that night, for a multitude of reasons.

For one, she hadn’t been sure Aedion was ever going to leave her alone to even go upstairs to bed, badgering her and Elide, who’d recently found out she was with child, about the early stages of pregnancy, and the best ways to try for one. He’d asked her many times if she was comfortable talking about it, and she’d assured him just as much that she was. She’d had to add that there wasn’t much advice she could really give, but she was willing to try. He’d taken that statement and run. And despite her insistence she was fine, it still weighed on her mind hours later.

Secondly, the finishing touches of her house were supposed to be done that day, and the workers were hours behind schedule, which was causing her a lot of stress, because everything had to be finished by tomorrow night. Because tomorrow was her wedding day.

Which brought her to her third reason. She was going to be up all night because she was so filled with anxiety and anticipation and nerves that she didn’t think she’d be able to close her eyes without wishing they were already married so Rowan could be with her. She’d see him in less than twenty four hours, but she needed him now.

Aelin didn’t know what the issue was, didn’t know exactly what was driving her to chew her lip practically to shreds, but she had an idea. Even though it had been a year since his death, and over two years since their wedding day, it kind of felt like none of it happened, like it was all a bad dream and she was waking up and getting ready to marry him instead.

She was sleeping in her childhood bedroom, there was a garment bag with a dress hanging on the door, there was the roiling in her stomach that she was pretty sure was going to make an appearance soon, and worst of all, Rowan wasn’t there.

She took a deep breath. He was dead. He wasn’t coming back. She was getting married to Rowan, and they were going to live in the house they’d built together.

Yes, together. They would be together.

One of Aelin’s first steps after things had calmed down the year prior was making sure she got the inheritance she’d worked for. After waiting a decent amount of time of course, to avoid any suspicion.

The banker had been sympathetic, and happy to help out, especially when she wore her best black, with a low cut neckline she accentuated, and started crying in the middle of the meeting. He was perfectly amicable after that.

Aelin had been forced to wear black for many many months, stuck in a period of “mourning” when the only thing she was mourning was the fact that she couldn’t kill him again. But that wasn’t all the way true. She was mourning the person she’d been before she even married him, the person without the constant heaviness pressing down on her. She ignored that heaviness most days, so well that the only person who really noticed was Rowan.

The step after securing the money was making sure that his, her, company was sorted. Turns out, he didn’t actually do much with it on a day to day basis, so it was pretty self sufficient. She made sure to give Vaughan the job that he’d been unfairly denied, and he was pretty much running things now. She’d trusted Rowan’s judgement for that decision, unsure on her own, but Vaughan was proving them both right.

He and Lyria were married now, with a beautiful baby girl, and they were both incredibly grateful to her. Aelin just deflected, saying she was the grateful one, for all they’d done for her before. Because it was true.

The next thing that she’d made sure to do was officially put in her offer to the bank for 510 Mistward Street. The house that had watched their relationship blossom. When Aelin had thought of the idea to renovate it and live there, Rowan had agreed heartily, and kissed her so much she felt breathless. The memory brought a smile to her face.

Her offer had been accepted quite quickly, as no one else was even remotely interested in the disaster, but it had taken the whole year to fix it up. The house was falling apart, and she’d had to hire workers to take it from the very bones to the masterpiece that it was now. Rowan hadn’t seen it yet, and she was excited to see his reaction. A surprise from her for their wedding day.

Which was tomorrow. Tomorrow.

A smile crept onto her lips, a soft, peaceful one as she thought of him.

He’d really been her rock the whole year, the one thing she was always sure was going to be there for her to lean on. Unfortunately though, to avoid too much scandal and suspicion, they’d had to maintain a certain distance the whole time. Aelin was still living with her parents, not quite back on her feet, and he was living at his house. There was only a certain amount of times he could visit without it drawing notice.

So they’d taken to using Aedion’s house quite a bit. She’d visit under the guise of him being her cousin, and he’d visit under the guise of him being his friend. Just conveniently at the same time.

Aedion had been shocked when they’d told him, holding hands as he looked at them with confusion. But he’d been happy after a moment, hugging them both. Rowan had been particularly nervous, but Aedion had thanked him for being there for his cousin, after yelling at him for leaving for a year. Aelin had shoved him back for that, explaining it all to him.

So Aedion was happy to host them then, understanding why they couldn’t be that visible to the public.

Not that she really cared. No. She’d grown way past caring what the city thought of her, and luckily her mother did too. But she didn’t want Rowan in any way shape or form to be associated with the death of her husband, and people may get suspicious if he was seen as trying to scoop her up so quickly.

Even though several people already were. Once her parents had started taking social calls again, Aelin had almost had to shut it down due to the sheer number of people showing up. There were the socialites, and the vapid elites, offering their fake sympathies while not so subtly asking if she was planning on continuing the same sort of social life her husband had maintained. Which was a resounding no. Then there were the single gentlemen, who were only the slightest bit connected to him, coming by in swarms trying to charm the newly made wealthy widow.

Rourke Farran had been the worst of those, waltzing in with his sleazy smile and his eyes that held nothing but promises of bad intentions. Aelin had been forced to talk to him, as he was a close friend of her husband, but she’d been disgusted by the way he looked at her, as if he expected her to be interested in him just because he was the same sort of person as his friend. He should’ve known it would be just the opposite.

So she’d made him leave quite quickly, and then had found an excuse to go to Rowan’s to vent about it to him. He’d asked if she wanted to announce their engagement so everyone would leave her alone, but she’d shook her head.

She wanted a small wedding, so unnoticeable that no one would know about it until it was too late to interfere.

And that’s what she was getting.

Aelin sighed and rolled over in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, making sure to track the pattern etched in over time, consciously telling herself it was different from the ceiling she’d stared at in bed for a year. It had been a few hours, and she still couldn’t sleep. Probably not the best thing given she likely wouldn’t get much sleep the next night either, but she was not going to take a sleeping tonic, having sworn those off after everything.

There was always a reason she couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t just random, so she’d learned to identify that cause instead of just managing the result.

So Aelin sat up, pushing the blanket off of herself as she turned, searching for her slippers. Fleetfoot whined, looking up at her sleepily.

“Go back to sleep, girl,” she whispered, pulling her dressing robe on. But Fleetfoot just got up, slinking tiredly over to her, a constant loyal companion. Aelin chuckled at the sight. “Fine, but don’t be a bother tomorrow because you’re tired.” Fleetfoot shook her head like she was shaking the tiredness off, looking up at her with as much of a smile as a dog could give, and Aelin reached down and scratched her head, laughing again.

She sighed and headed to the door, opening it quietly to head out into the hallway. The issue with today was that there wasn’t one specific issue on her mind. There was just a mess of unease. A mess of nerves and bad memories pushing at her head, traveling invisible hands on her body, heaviness in her heart.

Maybe a glass of water would help. It was the only thing she could think of without Rowan there.

She walked down the hallway carefully, trying not to disturb her parents in their room, or the servants downstairs as she and Fleetfoot made their way down into the kitchen. She filled a glass from the tap quietly, sipping on it as she went back upstairs to the main parlor, breathing deeply and holding the glass with both hands as she watched the outdoors through the front window.

It was dark outside, and the stars were shining, so she focused on that, letting a small smile creep on her face as she thought of the time Rowan had dragged her out in the middle of the night to go look at the constellations. She’d gotten a stern look from her father when they got back inside, which had Rowan stuttering out an apology before Rhoe laughed and clapped him on the back. Both her parents were ecstatic for them, just happy that she was going to be happy.

And to think, once they were married, they didn’t need anyone’s permission to go look at the stars. They could just go do it.

Aelin closed her eyes, resting in that moment, before turning to head back upstairs. Hopefully that would be enough to calm her down. Even if her heart was racing, like something or someone was going to jump out at her any second.

She huffed as she climbed the stairs, hands shaking and making water spill out of the top of the glass. Fleetfoot whined when Aelin stopped, bracing herself against the rail as she took slow breaths, fighting the nausea inside of her.

“I’m fine,” she told her dog, trying to chuckle, “just moved too quickly.”

After a moment, she pushed off the rail, taking careful steps back to her room, ignoring the panicky feeling in her chest. Once inside, Aelin went to set the glass on her nightstand, spilling part of it in the process.

“Shit,” she cursed, watching as it ran down to the floor. She grabbed a handkerchief she’d abandoned and used it to try and clean up the spill, a tear forming in her eye as she watched her hands shake. She leaned forward and rested her head on the edge of the table, dropping her gaze to the floor as she breathed.

And that’s when she saw it. She furrowed her brows as she reached for the little corner of paper, half hidden under the nightstand. She picked it up, revealing a full unopened envelope. A maid must’ve brought it up and it fell before she could find it. Her heart stopped when she noticed the handwriting on the front.

It was from Rowan, dated with that day’s date.

She plopped herself onto her bed and opened it quickly, well as quickly as she could with her shaky hands. Fleetfoot jumped up with her, giving her a kiss before circling and plopping down next to her. Aelin ran a hand over her fur as she unfolded the letter.

Dear Fireheart,

I don’t know if you’ll read this by the time you go to sleep tonight, if a maid will bring it to you or if you’ll even see it in all the chaos of the day. I dropped it off this morning, right outside your front door, so hopefully the travel time isn’t long.

She chuckled, a smile remaining curled up on her face.

I know I saw you yesterday, and I know I’ll see you tomorrow, but I can’t help but wish I could see you right now too. I wish I could spend everyday with you, every heartbeat and memory shared. And the answer two years ago would’ve been devastating, but the answer now is exactly the one I want to hear. Because now we do get to spend everyday together, our heartbeats and our memories will be shared. And I can’t fucking wait.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she read the letter, her free hand twirling her ring around her finger. She didn’t wear it in public yet, but she wore it whenever she was at home, reveling in its weight on her skin, so much different from the other ring, which was sitting abandoned in a drawer. She couldn’t quite bring herself to throw it away, but she didn’t want it to be anywhere where she could see it.

I’m so ecstatic to be able to call you my wife, to be able to hug you whenever I want, to kiss you whenever I want, to be there at your side whenever you need me. And something tells me you probably need me right now. Not to sound too presumptuous, because I know you never like to admit you aren’t okay, but I know you, Aelin, and I know some things you’ve tried to bury may be coming up.

And that’s why I’m writing this. Because as your future husband, and as the man who loves you more than he ever thought was possible, I want to make sure you feel safe.

Aelin looked down, squeezing her hand tightly to stop the shaking.

So let this letter be a reminder. He’s gone. He’s dead. He can’t ever come back and find you. You don’t ever have to go through anything like that again. I’ll be here for you for the rest of our lives, and I promise that I’ll protect you from anything that may try to harm you. I love you so, so much Aelin, so much that I sometimes feel like I may die from it, and I’ll do anything before I let something hurt you.

The words made her tears stronger, spilling from both eyes now as she basked in the pure love radiating from the ink. He loved her, and there wasn’t anything that would get in the way of that. Because Arobynn was gone.

But I’ll talk about some lighter things too. This may make you mad, but I walked past our house the other day, not even on purpose, I was there before I realized. And I saw the work you’ve done so far. I can’t even recognize it anymore. But that’s good, because that place was a shithole. But I can still see the same hint of warmth that that house had, even when it was nothing but rotting wood and some falling bricks. I mean, that house has done a lot for us, and the mailbox out front, so I can’t exactly be too critical.

But you can’t get too mad at me, because I have absolutely no idea what the inside will look like, and I cannot wait to see. I can’t wait to get married tomorrow, to pick you up in your wedding dress and carry you through the door to the house we’ll live in together. I can’t wait to make it our own, to see our life play out in those four walls, see our love only grow. I can’t wait for our family to maybe one day grow, to hear little footprints running up and down the stairs, with Fleetfoot right by their side.

Our life is about to begin tomorrow, our real life, the one we should’ve had two years ago. And that’s the most I could’ve ever asked for. You letting me stay by your side.

To whatever end,

Rowan

Aelin cried into her pillow, happy tears for the first time in what felt like forever. She was smiling at the letter too, a fond one that left her thinking what she had done to deserve a man who would do something like that for her. One who knew that this night would be hard for her, and had done something to try and ease the burden.

“I love you,” she whispered to the paper, to Rowan, who was only minutes away. And she fell asleep easily with the letter clutched to her heart.

---

Rowan woke up that morning with a smile on his face that he couldn’t seem to temper. He’d be going about his morning routine, brushing his hair and wrangling his cuff links from wherever they had found themselves in his closet, and a smile would grace his lips the whole time. Simply because of what that day was, and who he would see in a few hours.

Because he would soon get to call Aelin Galathynius his wife. Finally.

After so many years, so much turmoil and heartbreak, they’d get a happy ending. Well, as much of one as possible. He wasn’t naive enough to think that this was going to erase everything that happened. His ring for her couldn’t erase the invisible weight of the old one. His kisses couldn’t get rid of the heaviness in her eyes. His touch couldn’t wipe away the scar on her back. But he could try.

Rowan sighed as he finished buttoning up his shirt and jacket, making sure his hair was styled but still a little floppy, like Aelin had said she liked. The smile returned. Gods, he was lucky. But, only some of it was luck. He was lucky that she let him be by her side, but they’d worked hard to be where they were now. Especially her.

A knock sounded on his front door, and Rowan left his room, trekking down the hallway to the front entryway. He’d sent his housekeeper and butler home, telling them it was a day to celebrate and that he could handle himself. And he could. They were really just a formality. He’d talked about it with Aelin, and since they were going to be moving into a bigger house, they’d need a few more servants. But they both agreed to keep it to a minimum, wanting to be a little more simple and self-sufficient now. She for sure didn’t want the suffocating presence of dozens of silent servants, staring at her while she suffered and not doing anything about it. Not that that would happen now, but he knew it would still make her uncomfortable. And this was supposed to be the opposite of that.

Everything he was doing now was to make sure she felt as safe as possible.

Just like the letter he wrote her yesterday, trying to give her a little bit of comfort when he couldn’t himself. Her parents and all of their friends were traditionalists, insisting that the pair not see each other the night before. Aelin and him hadn’t been too thrilled, but they’d listened.

“Rowan,” Aedion greeted with a smile, waiting on the other side of the door. Rowan opened the door further, to let his friend and one of his groomsmen walk in.

“Hey man,” he said, but Aedion didn’t enter, just pulling out an envelope from his jacket.

“I can’t come in, I have to get back to the fussy bride,” he joked, “but I’m supposed to give you this.”

Rowan smiled softly and took the letter from him, running a thumb over the ink that spelled out Buzzard.

“I’ll see you at the temple,” Aedion said, before mock-saluting him and leaving. Rowan chuckled and walked back into his house, sliding down onto the couch in the front parlor and opening the letter quickly.

Dear Buzzard,

Thank you for the beautiful letter. I’d say it brought me to tears but I was crying already so I can’t really attribute that to you.

Rowan laughed, imagining her writing the words with that snarky smile of hers, knowing he would automatically know it was a joke. Even if it concerned him at the same time.

But I appreciate the sentiment just the same. You truly are the one who knows me best. The only one who knew that last night would be hard for me. But it’s frustrating because I don’t even know why. It’s just lingering feelings all festering in the back of my mind, and they decided to come out last night.

But enough of that. It’s our wedding day, and I won’t ruin it with that gloominess.

I can easily imagine how you look right now, with your hair and jacket askew, a dopey smile on your face that you can’t seem to calm.

He scowled jokingly at how right the description was.

I’m about to have a whole parade of people helping me. Marion, my mother, Elide, Lysandra, and my maid, so I barely have time to write this. I just needed to let you know that I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for me. I truly don’t know where I would be without you in my life. Well I do know, and it’s not something I like to think about.

I can’t wait to see you in a few hours and finally get to call you my husband. It’s certainly been long enough.

Love, Aelin

P.S. I’m mad about the house. How dare you ruin my glorious surprise?

Rowan laughed, setting the letter down on a table as he stood up, heading to finish getting ready. He’d have to add that to the collection he had from over the years. True to his word, he hadn’t gotten rid of a single one of them, and he wasn’t planning on it. He’d build a shrine out of them if he could, that physical proof of their love, but he knew Aelin would curse him for a fool. She knew what those letters meant to him of course, but she would be fondly exasperated all the same.

Gods, he couldn’t wait to see her.

The next few hours passed by in a blur of anticipation, his stomach rolling with nervous excitement as he waited. And then he was going, sitting in the back of a carriage with his arms braced on his legs, the dopey smile returned.

He watched the street as he passed, confused at how the world could look so normal when everything was about to change. But to be fair, no one knew they were getting married. Aelin didn’t want a lot of societal pressure or invasion of privacy, and he understood completely. After a year shoved into the spotlight, it made sense that she wanted to be left alone. And after the murders and the fire and that damned ball, he knew she wanted to keep all suspicion away from him.

He didn’t care either way, he just wanted to marry her. And he was about to.

Rowan took a deep breath as they pulled up to the temple, the small one that Aelin’s family usually went to. It wasn’t the main one downtown that she’d gotten married at last time. This one was smaller, more private, a little more homey.

He barely registered getting inside, being pulled up to the front quickly by Aedion and Lorcan, who were both smiling, the former’s broader than the small one of the latter. Vaughan and Lyria were sitting down, their newborn cradled in Lyria’s arms. Elide was off somewhere, as well as Lysandra, likely with Aelin and her mother. Marion and Cal were sitting on the other aisle from Vaughan and Lyria, chatting quietly.

It was then that Evalin appeared, smiling at him softly as she went and sat down by the Lochans.

“Are you ready?” Lorcan asked as Rowan took his place next to him, facing the altar.

“I’ve been ready for a long time,” he said strongly, heart beating fast as the soft violin music started. Lorcan chuckled and walked back down to the seats, taking his spot there. There wouldn’t be anyone up at the altar but Aelin and Rowan.

He had to focus to avoid fidgeting, picturing the scene behind him. Lysandra and Elide were probably entering right now, dressed in soft gowns. Aelin had said she didn’t need anyone else to walk down the aisle with her, but they insisted.

He could imagine them now, smiling at the small audience as they took their seats. The unmistakable sound of Fleetfoot’s collar reached his ears and he chuckled. One thing Aelin had demanded was that her dog be their official ring bearer, and he’d agreed easily, laughing while she huffed.

Fleetfoot pranced up to the front, panting as she sat down next to him. Rowan reached down and scratched her head, smiling at the animal. She’d brought Aelin a lot of comfort in the past year, and he’d grown to appreciate the dog as much as her.

And then the music changed, and it was Aelin’s turn. He could imagine her so clearly, her soft smile more radiant than her golden hair. Her arm was likely intertwined with Rhoe’s, leaning against him as he led her up to the altar.

He loosed a breath as he sensed her walking to stand up next to him. And then he turned around, his head skipping a beat as he met her gaze.

Gods, she was so beautiful.

The golden hair that he loved so much was pulled back gently, just the front pieces tied while the rest hung in loose waves. Her dress was simple, just smooth silk laying gently over her curves, with sleeves making it modest and graceful, like she was an angel deigning to come down to Earth. She was his angel.

“Hi,” she whispered, smiling up at him, and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he smiled back.

“Hi.”

——

Aelin laughed wildly as Rowan yanked her from the carriage, hoisting her up in his arms and spinning her around as he laughed too.

One hand was under her legs while the other was around her back, holding her close to him as they hurried up to the house they could now call their own. She wrapped her arms around his neck, peppering kisses to his neck as he walked them up, not even caring who could see. They were married now, no one could say anything against it.

Pure joy was filling her, bubbling out of her, and she couldn’t stop giggling, like she was drunk on love.

“What’s so funny?” Rowan teased, using the arm around her waist to pinch her lightly through the fabric of her dress as he got closer to the front door.

“We’re married,” she said, smiling into the skin of his neck.

“Yes we are,” he murmured, smiling through the words. Aelin buried her face into him as they got up to the door, the door she had painted the exact color of his eyes.

Here they were, about to enter the house that would be their home. Rowan tightened his grip on her, anticipation clear. She didn’t like to think of it much, but this was so much different than her last wedding day, when she’d admittedly been shaking with fear.

It was a day she tended to block out of her mind, and a night she’d do anything to forget, but so far, Rowan was keeping all of that at bay.

Affection rushed through her and she placed a sweet kiss on his cheek as he opened the door slowly. And a rush of air left him at the sight. Aelin smiled.

She’d spent all the time she wasn’t sorting through her new finances planning the details of this house, asking Rowan subtle questions about what he would want so that she could curate it to exactly what fit him, fit her, fit them.

And it seemed she’d done a good job.

She traced little mindless circles with her finger on his shoulder as he took it all in. His eyes were wide as they traced the front entryway, gazing over the warm wood floors and the white painted walls, the paintings she’d picked out meticulously, the crown molding she’d had restored and the delicate chandelier on the ceiling.

Without saying anything, Rowan moved slowly into the front parlor, taking in the comfy velvet couches, the soft rug, the soft curtains lining the large windows, all of it in jewel tones, dark green showing up throughout. He kissed her hair, eyes still wide as he carried her, her head resting on his shoulder as they ventured slowly through the other rooms on the floor. They passed through the large, cozy library, the dining room that had enough seats to fit all of their friends and family, and then the drawing room in the back, the room that they’d met in that fateful evening. The fireplace was all refinished, the floor cleaned off and replaced, the window redone, but the essence of it was the same.

Rowan let her down then, letting her slide to the ground, landing delicately on her heels, her skirt falling around her. But he didn’t let her get far, holding her close as they looked at the room that had helped finally bring them together. Peaceful warmth filled her chest.

“Come on,” she murmured quietly, squeezing his hand. “I want to show you upstairs.”

Rowan didn’t say anything, but squeezed her hand back, letting her lead him. So Aelin pulled him out of the room, going up the stairs that were accented with a nice emerald green rug. Nerves struck through her the longer he stayed quiet, worry that he didn’t like it making her chew on her lip.

“There are five bedrooms up here,” she began rambling, “ours is in the back, and the rest are just set up as guest rooms right now. But they can easily be changed to a… nursery,” she added hesitantly, smiling softly as he pressed a kiss to her hand. And what she said was true. It could be easily converted. She’d made it that way, so that when the time came, they wouldn’t have to worry.

They stopped at a room and she pushed open the door, revealing a comfy looking bed and a nightstand, a mirror and a dresser on the other side. It wasn’t too special, so she led them out, heading to the back where their room was. But then a thought struck her and she looked at him nervously, beginning to ramble again.

“I know he and I had separate bedrooms, I didn’t even think about that here,” she said, her voice shaky, “if you want I can move into one of these spare ones. Actually if there’s anything you want to change, let me know. If you want to change everything that’s fine. I tried my best, but if I - I”

She trailed off, looking at him cautiously. Rowan just dropped his hand from hers, using both of them to each up and cup her face. He leaned his forehead against hers.

“You’re remarkable, Aelin Galathynius,” he breathed, “so godsdamned remarkable.” He laughed softly. “You built us a house, baby. A home. Why would I ever want to change that?”

Tears pricked her eyes. “Whitethorn,” she corrected. He furrowed his brows.

“What?”

“Aelin Whitethorn,” she repeated, smiling broadly. “I’m Aelin Whitethorn now.”

Rowan’s smile widened more than she thought possible, and then he was leaning down and capturing her lips with his.

“I love you,” he breathed into her, and she murmured the words back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her deeper, making her melt into him as she brought her arms up to his neck.

His tongue brushed her lip hesitantly, and she opened for him, letting him claim her mouth. Warmth filled her veins as she closed her eyes. They hadn’t been together like this since that time before the murder, as he wanted to give her some space and they wanted things to be more traditional this time. There were plenty of times over the year where they’d slept in the same bed, when Aelin had had a nightmare and was unable to calm herself down without him there, but they hadn’t done this since then.

It was a welcome feeling though, like she could sink into his embrace and never let go. Unlike her previous wedding night, when she’d wanted to do everything she could to get away.

But they took it slow, and she pulled back for a second to get a breath of air, keeping her eyes closed. Her heartbeat raced, and she wanted to attribute it to him, but she knew it was edged with something else.

“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked, caressing his thumb over cheek. “We don’t have to do this if you have any hesitations.”

“No, I -“ she shook her head. “I want to, it’s just…” she squeezed her eyes shut, shuddering slightly. “I don’t want this to be anything like - last time.”

Rowan paused, brushing her skin softly, waiting for her to continue, to tell him like he knew she needed to. In her mind and her heart she knew it wouldn’t be, knew that he would never treat her that way, but the lingering dread was still there.

“I was so scared, Rowan,” she whispered into the air between them. She reached up and clutched his shirt tightly. “I was already heartbroken, and forced into a marriage with a man I hated, but then, that first time, I didn’t know what to do.” Tears sprang to her eyes as her voice got weak. “I knew I didn’t want to, and he knew I didn’t want to, but he didn’t care.”

A small sob escaped her and she cursed herself for crying on their wedding day. But it was a wound inside of her, and it was festering. “And afterward, I felt like shit. He made me feel like I was nothing. Worth nothing.” She shuddered, and looked up into Rowan’s green eyes to ground her. “And he called me a whore for that not being my first time, even though he already knew it wasn’t, and I’m glad it wasn’t because then it would’ve hurt even more.”

The scars on her back tingled, itching beneath the silk dress that she made sure covered them, like all of her clothing did now. Most days she didn’t think about it, but it was a painful reminder of everything whenever she did.

“I just wanted to disappear” she admitted quietly, “I wanted to hide inside of myself and never know what was going on, every single time.” Her hands shook. “I don’t ever want to feel that way again.”

“You won’t,” Rowan said resolutely, “you will never have to feel like you’re anything less than the most important person in my life. In every single person’s life that you touch. You bring light with you wherever you go.”

There were tears on his face too, and she sniffled, darting her eyes away. The emotion in his eyes was overwhelming on top of her already tumultuous heart. But his presence was like a balm to her aching soul, and she leaned in closer to his warmth. She needed him to help her start to heal the wound left in her heart, to clean out the tarnish inside of her.

“I love you,” she murmured, breathing in his comforting scent. “And I know you’re not like that, but…”

“It’s a big step,” he reassured her, “it’s okay if you’re not ready. I’d never push you to be.” She took a deep breath.

“I am ready, though,” she said, looking up at him from beneath her lashes, trying to smile to add some humor to the heavy conversation. “And I refuse to go my whole wedding night without getting ravaged by my handsome new husband.” She placed the back of her hand on her forehead, increasing the dramatics. It succeeded in making Rowan laugh.

“Together then,” he said, smiling softly down at her.

“Together,” she confirmed. And it seemed in that moment, they turned into magnets, unable to fight the pull toward each other. His lips met hers softly, making a small sigh escape her as she closed her eyes and melted into him, her hands coming to slide up around his neck as his dropped to her waist.

He slanted his head, slowly coaxing open her mouth and swiping his tongue through. He held her so delicately, but Aelin wanted more, so she nipped at his lip gently, teasing him. Rowan groaned a bit and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms more tightly around her.

She broke for air, gasping, and then smirked and pulled him down the hallway to their bedroom, trying her hardest not to trip. He barely even had time to process the comfy room, with its large bed with tons of blankets and pillows on it, and the two large closets and the fireplace across from the bed, before she was pulling him to the bed.

Rowan smiled softly before laying her down on the comforter reverently, one hand on her waist while the other tucked a piece of golden hair behind her ear. He was partially braced over her and she lifted her hands to his shirt, tugging at it.

“Off,” she demanded, chuckling as humor lit in his eyes. But he listened, sitting back and undoing all the buttons on his shirt, practically ripping it off with his tie and coat, leaving him shirtless. Aelin almost moaned at the sight.

Then he leaned back down, kissing her gently as he reached for the sleeves of her dress. Her breath caught.

“Is this okay?” He asked, concern shining.

“Yes.” She nodded, reaching up to press a kiss to his lips as he began sliding her gown off slowly, caressing the bare skin he revealed with every inch of movement. Her dress this time was much simpler than before, so it was easy to take off, leaving her in a chemise and drawers, no corset and no bustle to worry about.

She’d started slowly gaining some weight back over the months, so she was more confident in how she looked now than she had last time. Not that he cared last time, but it was a step in the right direction that she was preening at his lust filled gaze instead of shying away. Especially when he took off her undergarments, leaving her bare before him.

Aelin smiled teasingly and reached for the buttons of his pants, laughing when he cursed as she palmed him through the fabric.

“I think these should go too, don’t you think?” She asked, tilting her head up at him as heat ran through her.

“I would say so, yes,” he chuckled, reaching down and peeling them off with his undershorts without moving from his position over her.

Her eyes immediately went to his length, widening her legs to give him space as her mind remembered what it was like to have him inside her. Rowan leaned up and pressed a deep kiss to her lips as he nudged at her entrance, and she wrapped her legs around his waist to encourage him to keep going. So he did.

He entered her slowly, making a deep moan escape her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, grasping onto his silvery hair as he began moving. His movements were restrained, not wanting to push her too much, but she began lifting her hips to meet his thrusts, which spurred him on.

“Gods I love you so much,” he breathed into the skin of her neck, and she moaned, her cheeks flushed with heat. Every thrust was bringing her closer to that cliff, every movement making more warmth pool in her core. And when he reached down and rubbed a thumb over her most sensitive spot, she broke, moaning and sighing and clenching around him, dragging him off the cliff with her.

His pace stuttered as he spilled himself inside of her, and she wondered how she’d waited this long to do this again.

Rowan collapsed next to her, panting, and Aelin curled into him, feeling his arms wrap around her as they both breathed heavily. The moment was peaceful, and she was glad to say she’d never felt safer than she was right there in his arms.

Taglist:

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

Text

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The Worst of Crimes - moodboard

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“She’d been beaten, hurt, kicked when she was down; her whole family had been ripped away and her childhood stolen. So if fate would give her anything at all in that godsdamned world, the only thing she’d ask for was a chance at revenge.”———————————————————————

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throneofmak · 4 years ago

Text

The Worst of Crimes

Chapter 1 - The Dream

Bonnie and Clyde au

Here’s the first chapter! Let me know what you think!

———————————————————————-

The click of her heels was the only noise she made as she walked purposefully down the street. Outside, she was pressed to perfection. Her outfit was professional, the pencil skirt and the blouse that made up her uniform without stain or fault. Her hair was in a smoothed back bun, with a few pieces falling forward to frame her made up face. Top it off with some jewelry, and she looked like a million bucks.

Yes, outside she was composed. Inside, Celaena was stewing.

She was going to murder Chaol. Bail him out of jail and then murder him. Take the knife she kept under her skirt and cut him, just to make sure he knew how angry she was. Not that she could, because he didn’t even know the knife was there, nonetheless that she’d be willing to stab him.

Gods. How did a cop even manage to get himself locked up? It was infuriating, and knowing Chaol, it was probably due to some honorable bullshit, which just made it all worse.

Sometimes it was difficult to hide how different they were, how different their world views were, but she was a brilliant actress, and she couldn’t let him suspect anything when she still needed him.

So Celaena tried to temper her frown, knowing he’d be angry if she made him look bad in front of his colleagues. And heaven forbid he be angry about something. She honestly didn’t know how she dealt with him. But the pounding reminder in the back of her head, the feeling of invisible blood coating her body, kept her going.

If anything, he should be embarrassed by his own behavior. It was his fault after all, that she’d been taken from her job by a call from his coworker Ress, who had to awkwardly explain to her that he’d gotten into a fistfight with someone he was supposed to be picking up for a minor traffic charge, and that they’d both been thrown in the cells in the station to “cool off”.

She was the one who had to explain to her boss that there was an emergency, and that she had to leave. Not that her temporary job as a waitress was very difficult to find a replacement for, but that was her who’d had to do that, not him.

But of course he would be the pissy one. It tracked with everything she knew about him. But she couldn’t make it worse.

She smiled a polite smile as she made her way into the police station, pushing the glass door open as she stepped in. She eyed everyone in the front office, taking note of who was there. Officers Brullo and Ress were in the back corner by Ress’ desk, the older man frowning at a pile of paperwork that Ress was furiously scribbling at.

The chief of this precinct, Roland Havilliard, was lounging in his office, laughing on the phone, and Celaena had to refrain from rolling her eyes. From what she could tell, and from Chaol’s complaining, Roland had only gotten the job through nepotism. Chief Havilliard was the commissioner of the whole district, and it was clear how his nephew had been promoted to the position he was in. Unsurprising. She didn’t trust him, or his nephew, or any of the whole fucking lot. Not when she wasn’t sure who was worth her suspicion and who wasn’t worth her time at all.

She moved her gaze over the other nameless people, people she didn’t care about beyond their access to the police records. She shifted on her feet, realizing how calculating she likely looked. So she molded her face back into one of a nervous young woman who was confused at why her boyfriend was in jail.

She made her lip tremble slightly, her brows furrowed as Ress finally spotted her, a strained smile on his face as he walked over.

“Miss Gordaina,” he greeted, nodding politely. “He’s downstairs. I can take you there.”

“Is he in trouble?” Celaena asked, clutching her purse tightly to herself as she made tears spring in her eyes.

“No,” Ress assured her quickly, “it’s more of a formality. It won’t go on his record or anything.” She made sure to nod with relief, making it shine in face. “If you ask me, the guy was asking for it,” he added, chuckling to try and relieve the tension. “He made some nasty comments about y-“ he hesitated, looking over at her warily.

“About what?” She asked innocently, trying not to sound like she was prying too much. She needed to know everything, but she couldn’t make it seem like it. Ress chuckled awkwardly that time, opening the door to the back rooms, where the stairs to the few jail cells were.

“Nothing important,” he played off, “it’s no use listening to the ramblings of crazy people.”

Damn. Celaena knew once Ress was set on thinking something should be kept from a lady, then he wouldn’t tell her, no matter that it was the 21st century and she had as many rights as him. But she knew he was a good guy and he was just being chivalrous. Though it was still extremely frustrating.

Celaena’s heels clicked on the tile floor as she followed the officer down the hallway. Her eyes landed on the door she knew led to the file room, from the few times she’d let Chaol give her a tour of the place, pretending to fawn over him as he showed off. There was no one in there right now, but the door was likely locked. So she couldn’t just slip in there like she needed to. That was only one of her options though. Most of the records were digitized now, which could be accessed with an officer’s ID code.

Her smile dropped as Ress faced away from her, letting herself frown for a second before it jumped back up when he turned to her as they walked down the stairs.

“There’s other people in here right now,” he said, “but we put Chaol in the other cell so he’s not with them.”

“Thank gods,” she said, chuckling slightly. “I wouldn’t want him to get himself into another fight.”

Ress laughed and pulled out his keys as they reached the cells. She eyed the main cell as they rounded the corner, observing everyone in there. Despite Anielle being a fairly small city, the police force was active, picking up people for the smallest of crimes. She knew Chaol was a big part of that. So there were quite a few people in there, some sitting in the back corners or stewing while leaning against a wall. Most of them looked like repeat criminals, blending in with the group and looking comfortable if a little annoyed at being locked up. He’d complained about most of these people before, none of them fit the bill for what she needed.

But a figure caught her gaze, one leaning up against the bars, looking relaxed as his arms hung out, like he was watching the nonexistent crowd go through the empty hallway. She paused as Ress told her to wait there, going through the closed door to get to Chaol’s cell on the other side, and the man’s green eyes soon flickered to hers.

And she couldn’t look away.

He raised a brow, his face stone cold before darting to the door Ress had disappeared into, and pulled out a lighter from his pocket. Celaena chided herself as she tracked the way his muscles moved. His shirt was rolled up to his elbows, revealing a tattoo on one arm. But it wasn’t like the gaudy tattoos like the other men, no. It was more artistic, the design almost entrancing. Everything about him was entrancing, the tattoo, the eyes, the silvery hair that she hadn’t ever seen before.

“Do you have a cigarette to spare?” He asked, making her blush slightly as she darted her eyes back to his, hoping he hadn’t noticed her checking him out. But the way his mouth hinted at a smirk, it seemed she wasn’t that lucky. But that just made her mad.

So without thinking of appearances, she replied snarking, “not that it’s any of your business, but I don’t smoke.” Lie. She had a full pack in her purse, a habit she liked to keep from her “boyfriend”. He knew about it, and was disapproving, but she just insisted everytime that she was trying to quit, and he believed her. Especially when she forced tears into her eyes, like she was frustrated with herself for being such a failure. In reality, she’d never even thought about quitting. It was her body, she was free to wreck it if she pleased.

Celaena kept her face carefully neutral as she leaned against the wall opposite him, eying him warily.

“Suit yourself,” was all he said, in his unfortunately lovely deep voice, before going quiet, looking down at the lighter he began to flick open and shut.

“So what are you in here for?” She asked harshly, ignoring the way he tilted his head to look at her, narrowing his eyes as if he was analyzing something. “Smoking in a non smoking area?” She said sarcastically, tilting her head in a mockery of his.

“Something of the sort.” He shrugged, before looking over his shoulder at the other people with him. Celaena vaguely wondered which one of them Chaol had gotten in a fight with.

“Are you scared they’ll make fun of you for getting put in here for something so stupid?” She quipped, and he shot his gaze back to hers, raising his brows again with an amused expression.

“Just wondering the likelihood of me having to stay in here with them for more than an hour,” he said, chuckling. Celaena smiled against her will, her brain telling her to shut up but her mouth refusing to listen.

“It already stinks, so I pity you the stench in there after they inevitably start a pissing contest.” She crossed her arms, a strand of golden hair falling into her face. And she reveled in the laugh the words brought out in the man, a full smile filling his handsome face.

“Hopefully I’m gone by then,” he said, chuckling, and it was then that the door opened, and Ress came back out, followed by a scowling Chaol, a bleeding lip and a black eye the only signs of the fight. He smiled slightly at the sight of her, and then his face narrowed into one of anger when he saw the man talking to her.

“Get away from my girlfriend,” he hissed, “I already warned you to shut up once, I don’t want to have to do it again.” The man just looked amused, with a slight bit of surprise that he carefully pushed away.

Well that answered that question. And from the lack of injuries on the green eyed man’s face, it was clear who’d won the fight.

“Chaol,” she greeted, forcing relief into her voice as she walked over to him. He turned to her, anger still lining his features, so she leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried when I got the call.”

His hand automatically slipped to her waist, hugging her close to his side as he eyed the man, before finally looking at her fully.

“Everything’s okay, Lil,” he replied, smiling weakly. “I just got a little frustrated.”

Right. Lillian Gordaina. That’s what he knew her as. Not Celaena Sardothien, the name she’d had for sixteen years prior. Or the name before that. One lost to the rough winds of time and memory and death. Because that name didn’t exist anymore.

“Well I’m glad you’re not too hurt,” she simpered, exaggerating a pout as she brushed a thumb lightly over the cut on his lip.

“It’ll heal quickly,” Chaol agreed, smiling more now.

“It better,” she said, with a giggle. A giggle. She almost got sick at that alone, but she just forced a smile and kept up the act, ignoring the way the man looked at her, staring at her as if he could see through her behavior, see behind the mask. Celaena couldn’t let anyone in like that.

But as Chaol said something to Ress before leading her back upstairs to go officially sign him out, she caught those green eyes again, looking at her blankly, with the tiniest hint of interest. And without really analyzing why, she dug into her purse with her free hand, grabbing her pack of cigarettes and tossing them to him. He caught them easily, looking up at her with surprise.

“You can keep the rest,” she said before leaving.

————

Celaena leaned into Chaol, forcing a bright musical laugh as his mother showed her another picture of him as a kid, his face in the same sullen expression he wore all the time as an adult.

“Don’t I see that face often enough,” She teased, nudging him with her shoulder. He chuckled, playing with a piece of her hair as they sat on the couch across from his parents. They’d gone over to dinner at his parents’ house, despite Chaol’s injuries, which he’d attributed vaguely to an accident at work. Celaena had helped his mother make the chicken, like a perfect little housewife that was eager to be a part of their perfect little family.

“I’m pretty sure he was the grumpiest toddler at daycare,” Mrs. Westfall laughed, smiling at her. She loved Lillian as a daughter already. It was quite clear. And when Celaena let herself register what she was doing for a rare moment, that was the only thing she felt slightly guilty about. Mrs. Westfall was the only good one of the group, and she felt a little bad about deceiving her. But only a little bit.

“That’s better than being a fanciful one,” Mr. Westfall added, and Celaena had to stop herself from scowling. She liked Chaol’s father even less than the man himself, his misogynistic attitude rubbing her the wrong way. It was clear where Chaol had gotten his tendencies from, even if he wasn’t quite as bad.

From the first time she’d met the man, it was clear what he thought she should be, and she admittedly had melded her persona around his expectations. What better way to get on their good side than becoming everything they’d ever wanted for their son?

Because she needed the whole family on her side for her plan to work.

Chaol’s dad had been the police chief in Anielle years ago, back when everything happened, so he would probably remember something useful. But that truth was part of the reason Chaol was so obsessed with his job, putting more effort into it than any other officer there. It was slightly admirable, she had to admit, but it was because he was determined to get to the position his dad was in, to try and earn his respect. Ignoring the fact that he probably never would, simply because of the system of promotions there, and who was in charge of delegating those higher up jobs. Chaol would remain at the detective level until the commissioner himself was switched out.

“I’d say it’s much better to have a serious head than one lost in the clouds,” Mr. Westfall added, leaning back in his chair before looking at her. “Wouldn’t you agree Lillian?” He asked. “I’m sure your father raised your brothers like that.”

“Oh yes,” she fibbed, nodding her head. “He’s a very straight laced person. Ben and Sam follow right in his footsteps.” A pang of pain shot through her at the words. When she’d created Lillian’s personal history, she’d used the first names she could think of. Ben, a man who’d been kind to her when no one else had, and Sam. Although it was a bit odd referring to him as her brother. But she pushed it aside, Celaena didn’t exist right now.

“That’s good to hear,” he replied, “I’m sure we’d get along.”

“Definitely.” Chaol wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she talked, and she had to fight to not roll her eyes at the motion, or to not push away from him, cringing at the physical contact. She’d never been a touchy person, but Lillian was. “He used to tell me how much he admired how much you did for Anielle when he lived here. He’s a big fan of yours.”

“Everything I did was for the city,” Mr. Westfall said, his pleased tone at being recognized counteracting the attempted modesty of the words. “Although I wasn’t perfect. There were many cases that I was frustrated with the results of.”

This was her chance. Making sure to curate her words carefully, she linked her hand loosely with Chaol’s, acting as casual as possible.

“Was there any one in particular you’d go back and change?” She asked curiously, tilting her head.

He made a noncommittal noise. “None specifically, although there was a big case up in Orynth about a decade and a half ago.” Celaena froze. “I remember raging when I heard they got released on a technicality like that. It’s good there was no one left of the family to witness that disgrace.” If only that was true.

“We just got sent the records for those,” Chaol added, “One of them moved here and we were told to keep an eye on him. I assigned the job to Ress for now.”

“I would’ve driven that son of a bitch out of Anielle if I was still on the force,” he replied with a hint of disapproval toward his son. “But that’s no talk for the ladies, right son?” He turned to his wife, who was sitting next to him on the couch. “Have you asked Lillian yet honey?”

Celaena would normally jump in and interrupt, butting in before she could ask, but she stayed quiet, waiting for Chaol’s mother to talk.

“Oh yes, thank you for reminding me.” Mrs. Westfall looked at her with a soft smile. The photo album she’d been showing her lay abandoned on the coffee table, the conversation having turned. “I was wondering if you would like to go to lunch tomorrow, and then maybe some shopping afterward?”

Celaena grimaced internally, but nodded with a smile. “Of course. That sounds fun.”

“I trust not at the same restaurant you work at,” Chaol’s father interrupted, “that would be a bit … awkward wouldn’t it?”

Mr. Westfall was certainly the most openly disapproving of her current career, although it was definitely apparent from the whole family. Celaena had just fibbed and said it was just a job to make some money while she settled into her new life in Anielle, never mind that she’d been here for almost a year and she’d made no attempt to get a different job. It was the same with her smoking.

Chaol didn’t need to know the truth. About a lot of things.

“No, I have the whole day off tomorrow,” Celaena said quietly, downcast, the way a polite girl would respond to being criticized. “We can go anywhere else in the city.” She tried to smile, looking at Mrs. Westfall carefully.

“I would like that,” she said, and Celaena smiled as close to a real smile as she was going to get. But then Mr. Westfall leaned back, checking his watch and sighing.

“It’s getting late, isn’t it?” He asked, trying to prompt them into leaving without sounding too rude. It wasn’t working.

“Yes, it is,” Chaol agreed, forever trying to suck up to his father. He leaned closer to her. “It’s probably time we head home.”

“Of course,” she said, smiling at him. He grabbed her hand and helped her stand up, just as his parents stood up too. “Thank you for having us over,” she directed at them, “I had a marvelous time. And I’m so glad for the chance to get to know you better.”

They both uttered polite words back, and Celaena didn’t linger before heading toward the door, getting out into the front yard, where Chaol’s car was waiting for them in the driveway. The Westfalls lived out in the suburbs of Anielle, although practically the whole town was suburbs. Celaena missed the big city, the buildings and the noises and the anonymity of living in Rifthold. Not that she missed anything else about her time there, but the city, that was the only home she’d known for most of her life.

“Do you want to go back to my place?” Chaol murmured into her ear before kissing her cheek. Celaena froze, but nodded, trying to lean into him.

They’d been “dating” for a little over seven months at this point, as she’d staked him out pretty much right after moving there, but they hadn’t done anything. Celaena was both unsurprised and grateful for it if she was being honest. Chaol was the traditional type, the type to try and wait until marriage, and while she normally wouldn’t, she didn’t exactly want to sleep with him, so she was fine pretending to think the same way.

But Chaol had started the habit of them hanging out at his apartment after dates and then just sleeping in the same bed. It was an odd habit, but it was manageable. Better than being forced to fuck him to keep up the ruse.

She wasn’t sure what she would’ve done then. Although she knew in her heart that she was desperate enough to do it. If only to try and get the answers that would hopefully soothe the cracks in her soul.

------------

It was the same dream. The same damn dream she’d had for too many damn nights over the years.

Celaena kept her eyes squeezed shut, knowing what was awaiting her. But the stench was overtaking her, the iron stinging at her nose the same iron that was spilling over her own skin. The ache was unbearable, the sharp slices of hurt like little lightning bolts all over her body. Lightning bolts in her heart.

She panted, rolling over to her stomach. She wanted to get to them, to reach out to them and die with them, but they weren’t there. She scratched at the wood, clawing at it and breaking her fingernails, trying to drag herself away.

But just like always, the same hand grabbed her ankle. The same hand dragged her back as she screamed, her voice so much higher and younger than it was now. The same hand grabbed her by her neck, yanking her up and ignoring the wounds on her back.

She blacked out and the scene changed.

She blinked her eyes open, squinting against the harsh light. She was older this time, not the young creature she’d been. But her back still ached, her skin still hurt as she felt the table beneath her. The body lying next to her. She reached a hand out, feeling the unmoving figure next to her, desperate for a heartbeat that wasn’t there.

She panted, her heart shattering and her soul splintering as that waft of musky smoke filled the air again. She tried to cry out but she couldn’t. Not as she felt those damned hands on her again, unsure if it was a memory or if it was real. Unsure if she cared.

Her ears were ringing as a voice echoed in her mind.

You did this. You did this. You did this.

Celaena woke with a start, sweat all over her body as she shook, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was panting, trying to catch her breath without waking up the figure next to her.

Chaol furrowed his brows and mumbled something, rolling over to his side and falling quickly back asleep. But she sat up, bracing her elbows against her knees and holding her head as she calmed herself down. She clutched at her shirt, trying to ground herself in the fabric. She’d worn just a simple t-shirt and shorts to bed, not sure how he would react to her usual nightgowns.

But the shirt was getting wet spots on it from where her tears were slipping down, and she tried to wipe her face with shaky hands, but she eventually gave up and focused on her breathing.

In and out. In and out. Something she’d had to do too many times. Something she hopefully wouldn’t have to do for much longer.

Because she was on the path to revenge, starting down the long road that would hopefully cure her of this. This mess.

She just had to be sure she wouldn’t wreck herself even more along the way.

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