throwanaway

[throwanaway]

day 30: the end!

cw: 204 lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 29:

probably someone who knows who they are and expresses themself honestly. body weight obviously has nothing to do with that. when it comes to how i see myself though, i don't wanna be beautiful, i just wanna fit the current beauty standard. i feel like those things are v different.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 28:

yes and no. yes bc it'll mean i'm skinnyyyyyy but no bc girls w thick thighs are hot. sigh. so complex.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 27:

i just kind of avoid it tbh. i find myself binging really easily, so i avoid being around tempting food other than at meal time so that when i eat a meal, my stomach can only handle so much food and i stay below my cal limit.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 26:

just being treated differently and everyone noticing. i'm so excited for people to find me pretty. i'm excited to no longer be told that i'm so confident and instead be told that i'm so pretty.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 25:

yeah i have, but i never made it a habit. it just kind of sucked when i did it the first time. i definitely couldn't get everything out, and i burst a bunch of blood vessels in my face which made it pretty obvious that i threw up. not fun.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 24:

being "pro" is wild to me. here's my perspective as someone who's both a psych major and has been in therapy for about 8 years.

i think there's a lot of inherent delusion when it comes to having a restrictive ed. when you relapse, you have to convince yourself that you're doing something good and encourage yourself to continue it, otherwise you'd be in recovery. obviously, this mindset is incredibly unhealthy, but at least you're only harming yourself. i can understand that considering i'm currently doing this shit.

when this delusion reaches a new level, that's when people become "pro". you get sucked into this mindset so deeply that not only do you think you're doing a good thing for yourself, but you think this behavior should be the default. you believe that other people should adopt these behaviors. you're no longer even thinking about how unhealthy and damaging these behaviors are, and if you are, you believe that the pros outweigh the cons. in order to be "pro", you have to hold the belief that there is nothing worse than being fat.

this is not only dangerous but also inherently linked to concepts based in colonialism and white supremacy, which is a whole other thing i could easily dive into. there's so much to unpack with the "pro" mindset that i could talk about this for hours and make this post go on forever, but i'll leave it at this: anorexia shrinks the brain, and some of these bitches make it scarily obvious.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 23:

yeah probably. i mean, i've grown up in the age of social media where we're constantly seeing influencers basically post body checks on a regular basis, so that's probably part of it. if it weren't for the media, i don't think any of us would be here, bc then there probably wouldn't be as much of this crushing beauty standard

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 21:

i have no clue at this point tbfh, i think i'm generally an XL but tend to size up bc i like baggy clothes

day 22:

lw was like 190 i think. i gained bc i went into recovery :/ obvi that's not like the lowest weight i've ever been, but it's the lowest i've been in my adult life (not long lol i'm 19)

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 20:

i don't really have one tbh. i'm trying to find a good one, but i have trouble w them sometimes.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 19:

not that long ago loll like 5 days ago. i have a thing w my dad where i get fast food once a week, so in order to not be sus, i've been continuing it and just getting food that's as low cal as possible

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 18:

any salty snacks tbh. dot's pretzels KILL ME. they make me wanna eat the entire bag which is like thousands of cals lajghldajh

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 17:

yup, i have diagnosed ednos, so basically i have all sorts of disordered habits- not just restrictive ones. the restrictive ones come in relapses, while the others are more chronic.

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 16:

i've been doing this shit on and off for years, but for this time i started like,,,, 3 ish weeks ago i think

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 15:

nope, but i've thought about going vegetarian just for environmental reasons. it'd be super hard though since a.) i live at home and b.) my family's arab so i grew up eating a lot of meat, especially beef (which is the main one that i wanna start eating less bc of environmental issues regarding the ag industry)

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 14:

115 pounds i think. it'll probably take like a year at this rate which is annoying

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs

[throwanaway]

day 13:

unhealthy for SURE but i like to lie to myself and say it's healthy

gonna start doing this- day 1

cw: 215lbs

gw (current): 200lbs

ugw: 115lbs

hw: 270lbs