throwaway1298

[throwaway1298]

Hi friends thanks for the feedback, I saw a few people requesting info and I cut a bunch of details from the story to shorten it so let me try to explain:

1. yes this is all real unfortunately

2. They would sometimes pay me for the landscaping at well below minimum wage in my area

3. My sister DOES live there and she should do the work. Sometimes she does but mostly she doesn’t. The reason why she doesn’t is because she’s been the favourite/ golden child since we were really young kids, and if you try to make her do her fair share she WILL call you names, scream, and at times get physically violent (essentially throw a temper tantrum) until you give in because she has been spoiled and enabled her entire life. She will also use weaponized incompetence to get her way by doing the job so badly it would save everyone time, money, and energy to get someone else to do it

4. My sister is older so she was always put in charge of me, and she used this power to force me to do her share of the chores. If I would tell my parents they would refuse to believe me or refuse to do anything about it because they didn’t care. Basically my parents would technically split the chores, but I would always be the one who did them because I was the only one who would actually get in trouble if they weren’t done*.

5. *For those asking I grew up in a golden child/ scape goat situation as the scape goat. They would blame me for everything and anything, including things that could never possibly be my fault and I believe it’s because of my autism.

6. For those of you calling me cinderella, yeah. It’s even extremely similar to my deadname to the point where it’s almost funny (if it wasn’t so sad)

7. To people telling me they abused me: yeah. This might be the push I need to get me to finally cut contact.

8. If you’re wondering why I spend any time with them at all, it’s not that simple. They’ve done awful things but they are still my family, and they have done not awful things too. plus my friends and extended family all live in my hometown, so by cutting them off I am isolating myself from my other loved ones. (Plus I like to use her pool for free and I like to see my dog)

9. Oh Im a trans guy btw. Yes they know, no they don’t respect that fact.

Am I (24m) the asshole for refusing to help my mother (62f) around her house**?

When I lived with my parents I was their go-to for all of the chores. My sister (27f) was always their favourite child* and they were not very subtle about it, so almost all of the household labour got put on my shoulders as a kid. Cooking, cleaning, dishes, garbage, and taking care of their acre of property including lawn, garden, pool, and a pond with a waterfall and koi fish.

My parents would force me to treat summers like I had a full-time job as a live in-maid and gardener (so much so I couldn’t find actual work outside the house) but it was more like 50 hours a week, and on-call for them 24/7. I decided once I moved out I would never lift a finger for them again.

I’m now living on my own. I make around 50k a year, and I am able to be fully independent, and I’ve stayed true to my word. I had a talk with my mother where I explained that I have my own apartment to take care of, and if I wanted to spend my weekends doing chores I would just stay at my apartment. I also explained that because I don’t live with her anymore, I’m a guest in her house and I expect to be treated like a guest or I just wont show up.

She threw a fit and told me that she helps her mother whenever she visits her and that I’m being cruel and selfish. I told her that her mother is a pensioner and 89, which she is neither.

My sister seems to side with my mother but that’s not surprising considering she still lives at home despite having a job, and she and my mother are very similar people. As for my mother, she is now pulling petty bullshit like taking my sister and I out for dinner and only paying for my sisters food when the cheque came because I’m “so independent now”. I told her that’s fine and paid for my own food without complaint and that somehow made her more angry.

My friends are somewhat torn. Most of them side with me but a few are on the fence. Personally I feel like a dick 1/2 the time because I know my mother can’t physically do the same things I can, but I know she can afford to hire someone to help her if she really needed it, and I also feel like I have already done more than enough work for her and her house.

Am I the asshole?

*I’m my parents’ least favourite child because I’m autistic, and I had behavioural issues as a kid.

** my dad left the family when I was 21, so it’s just her house now.

What are these acronyms?