thucydideskongquest

[thucydideskongquest]

[thucydideskongquest]

[thucydideskongquest]

[thucydideskongquest]

[thucydideskongquest]

straight guys: tell your girlfriend that you think she'd be the top if her and her best friend were dating, and if she gets defensive, it's a clear sign she might be a latent trad obsessed by her own passivity. and you should leave her and encourage her best friend to draw out her latent interest in topping through marathon sex

[thucydideskongquest]

The sweetness of honeymilk

By Prototype Jack

When you smack me.

When you whack me.

When you squirt me.

When you spurt me.

The memorys.

Are priceless.

My lust,my lust, my lust.

For you.

I would never sell for 1000🤑

So sweet, so sweet so sweet,

Are your lips.

And your balls.

And your perky pink nipples.

Sweeter then honey milk.

With 50 pounds of brown sugar.

And 30 donuts

And 500 slices of cakes.

And 30000 candies.

And a chocolate

And a sweet cola.

And 200000000 ice cones

And 30 candy cane

And 50000 lolipops

And 10000000000 ice pops

And a slice of cherrypie

And 5000000 root beer flotes

And a piece of candy

And 900000 pockystick

And 70000000000 frapchinos

And 5000000 brownies

And 5000000 blondies

And a velvet cake

And 20 key lime pie

And 8000000 cookies

And 30000000000 chocolates

And 60000000 gumballs

And 2000 sugars

And 50000000 honeys

And 100 crystal candies

And 80000000 sweet treats

And 3 jellos

And 10000000000000000000000000000 pudding

And 600 mochis

And a piece of candy.

You are sweeter to me then all these.

But you dont fucking respond to me on grindr anymore.

And that makes me mad, mad, mad.

Rarely am i glad.

I thought you were my lad.

Sad.

[thucydideskongquest]

Deputy Droopy Directors: Tex Avery & Michael Lah Studio: MGM | USA, 1955

[thucydideskongquest]

god damn it I had the same idea

[thucydideskongquest]

Joe biden off his ass from a tiny crumpled blunt mic spamming steely dan on a counter strike source deathmatch server that lets you throw your knife for an instant kill and change your model to postal dude

[thucydideskongquest]

would the wlw equivalent of pastoral christian trad couple be the same kind of playacting at 50s magazine ad gender roles but butch/femme, or do you look to historical female couples and do a boston marriage where you wear top hats and represent your relationship as nonsexual, or do you go full-on 6th century bce and organize a big school of female poets who all sleep together? or do you just jump off a bridge

[thucydideskongquest]

Sorry if I'm a misogynist for saying it but its so so so cringe and pathetic when a girl goes from liberal normie to a Traditional Catholic Homemaker And Wife Christian Nationalist because she started dating a racist guy. Like you are spineless and have no identity plus hes going to jack off to only fans models while you cook him a stupid as fuck eggs steak and 3 avocados pitbull birthday plate

[thucydideskongquest]

i hate when a coworker brings up harry potter because you just have to start beating them and keep beating them and beating them and attacking them and mauling them and it's really tiring to do twice a day

[thucydideskongquest]

reblog if you care about penises on tumblr

[thucydideskongquest]

used to be that you could expect an anime girl to dress like she shopped at the gap. now everybody has to be costumed like they're doing circe de soleil just to go the store

[thucydideskongquest]

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

[thucydideskongquest]

the fact that anyone was able to watch cronenberg's the shrouds and come away feeling anything but boredom and contempt makes me feel like an alien

[thucydideskongquest]

A group of far-future linguists and archeologists suddenly *poof* into existence in front of me. One is holding a tablet. "What is the difference between 'red sauce' and 'tomato sauce?'" they ask me. "The distinction is not clear in extant texts from this time and place."

"Uh, they're the same thing," I tell them. "Who are you?"

"Yes!" the being with the tablet exclaims.

One of the other researchers groans. "No! My thesis...months of writing wasted..." One of the others comforts them.

"Now, what is this object for?" The first researcher holds up a discolored, dinged-up plastic object. It's clearly been buried in the ground for quite some time, but the two holes and the scuffed plastic window are distinctive.

"That's a cassette tape. You record music with it."

"Interesting, interesting." The being enters something on the tablet.

"How are you speaking English?"

"Sophisticated translation technology," one of the researchers confides. "We are students of your society. From the future."

"What does this pictogram represent?" The researcher with the tablet turns it around so that the screen faces me.

It's the eggplant emoji.

"Sex," I say. "Why do you need to ask me this if you can time travel or whatever? Can't you just go wherever you want to go and look around and see how these things are being used?"

The beings shift guiltily and look at each other. "Technically, travel to times and places prior the advent of time travel is strictly prohibited. Paradoxes, you know."

"Oh."

"We must be get back before our advisor returns to the lab. Just don't tell anyone you saw us, alright? The space-time continuity depends on it. Can you do that?"

"Uh, sure, I guess?"

One of them pats me on the head. "And don't go to Mars."

"Okay. Wait, why? Is it dangerous?"

"No. Just not worth it."

The group disappears in a shimmering light.

The cassette clatters to the sidewalk behind them.

Out of befuddlement, mainly, I pick it up. It's clearly old, discolored and scuffed, but it still has tape in it.

I carry the tape around in my pocket for a while. The curiosity builds. I want to know what's on that tape. I don't have a cassette player anymore, so I go to Goodwill and pick up the first one I can find, praying that it still works. I plug it in. It turns on.

I slide the tape inside. It's dirty, but it still seems to be in decent shape. I snap the player closed and hit play. The wheels begin to turn. I hold my breath.

A familiar tune starts up. A wobbly voice comes out of the machine.

We're no strangers to love