timbrhead

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 06 - so i cry, and i pray and i beg

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and ill be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

this will be honkai star rail x fireader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<<

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ( this is important )

descriptions of injuries, mentions of barfing, drugging, implied violence towards reader

it was undoubtedly her.

she was kneeling, with your head gently resting on her small lap. her cheeks were reddened and hollowed out, and the more you looked at her, the more injuries you could see; cuts, gashes. a swollen wrist. you could feel your heart twisting terribly at the sight of her. she blinked, like she was just finished loading in your brain, before a small smile stretches across her face.

„ sis… “

she croaked out, her voice terribly dry. her eyes were heavy and swollen, possibly from crying. she gently cupped your cheek, her soft hand caressing your face. it was scarred, you noticed. it wasn’t that of a child anymore.

„ i…i thought that i had lost you…“

she muttered out, tears prickling up in her eyes. you squirmed at that, your breath hitching as you felt a sharp pain jolting through your body. your breathing grew laboured, and you looked down at your body, panicked. you only had rags covering your body, the once white cloth dirty and bloodied. you looked down further, noticing that your leg was horribly disfigured. it was purple and swollen, and you could see that you had broken your ankle.

„ they did a number on you, back there… “

the small girl interrupts you, her voice shaky and unstable. you could see her squeezing her eyes shut, possibly reliving the horrible memory. her bottom lip wabbered horribly, before she sucked in her breath. she was barely holding it together. she was trying her hardest not to cry, her hands desperately squeezing your hand that you offered her.

„ i-i was scared, mei. scared that i lost you. “

she stammered out, making your head pound and sting as you tried to remember. what was she talking about? you tried to sit up, wincing at the stinging pain you felt all across your body. your sister helped you up, frantically leaning you against the rough wall of the cell you were in.

your vision was terribly blurry, and from the amount of pain you felt, it almost felt like you would pass out again. everything just hurt, so, so terribly, so much that in some places, you just felt numb. your lungs felt like it was being squeezed shut, your limbs possibly paralysed. you felt blood dripping from the back of your head and staining the child’s clothes.

it becoming hard to focus, terribly so, with you exploding for air with every breath and your mind spinning endlessly. the cries of your sister were just a faint echo at this point. she laid your head down gently, before hurrying over to the bars of the cell.

just where were you?

„ —lp ! help ! my—my sister is…!“

you could hear the child draw in a breath, preparing to scream.

„ my sister is dying ! “

your ears were pounding in your head in the same rhythm as your sister was rattling against the cell, desperate for help. after a while of that, she seemed to notice something, making her rush towards you, cupping your face. she gently slapped against your reddened cheek, trying to keep you from falling unconscious.

„ waitwaitwaitwait— please, just for a little longer, please— help is on the way, so-“

she couldn’t even finish her sentence before her hands left your face, replaced with larger, gloved ones. ones that weren’t warm at all. seems like your sister got yanked away by …someone. you could barely make out some instructions being barked out, before your swollen face was roughly yanked up. you couldn’t even make out the face of the man that forced a pill down your throat.

it burned— you sputtered and coughed as they forced the medicine down your throat, making you swallow it with your own barf threatening to bubble up. you could feel yourself grow panicked, thrashing and gasping around, grasping for something to hold on to, your breath uneven and labored, gasping and fighting for air to prevent yourself from falling unconscious.

dark spots appeared in your vision, alongside flashing lights, making you shut you eyes closed, like that would do anything.

after a while though, it seemed like you swallowed, and the people let you thud down on the ground, leaving with steady steps. they disappeared as fast as they came. for a moment, you just laid there, gasping for air. you could feel your breathing slowly growing more stable, and you felt more and more numbness coursing through your body that replaced the pain.

you sigh, feeling a mild feeling of relief over not dying from pain. after a while, you heard someone perk up, seemingly after noticing your body twitching occasionally. your sibling scooted over to you, wiping away the beads of sweat on your forehead with a piece of cloth.

„ …sis ? “

she croaked out, a tear dripping on your cheek. her voice was small, barely audible like she was scared that it will make everything worse again.

you took another breath, opening your mouth. it was incredibly dry, but you still managed to croak out a word.

„ …w…whe…re… “

you stammered out, unable to move any of your limbs due to the numbness. if you could, you would’ve cupped her cheek like she did yours. even though you didn’t know her, she was still your baby sister. even though you were sure that she didn’t feel that small anymore, not after everything she was forced to go through.

you could feel regret festering deeply into your soul after that realisation. you should have done better. she was just a baby, after all. but you couldn’t even embrace her, only being able to watch with hollow eyes as she held back tears, searching for the right words.

you couldn’t tell wether it was mei lian‘s or your consciousness speaking.

„ we…we are still here, mei. the twins are here too. they—i would like to think that they are still alive. the people here…this…this cult—the sanctus medicus— they keep on doing these… terrible things to you, mei.“

she croaked out, sinking her head. her frame shook, you could tell that she was crying, even though she tried to suppress it.

„ and to think that just one week ago you said to all three of us that you‘d like to work at the alchemy commission… “

she still smiles a bit at the memory it seems, wiping away her tears while pretending she was just rubbing her eyes.

„ you wanted us to be happy… give us a future you yourself couldn’t have… but to think that the alchemy commission would be operating under these people—“

she continued to say something, but you could only stare blankly ahead. sanctus medicus, alchemy commission. your siblings were with them, at the alchemy commission. you continued to burn that piece of information into your head, in hopes of you not forgetting it. you take another deep breath. your hand twitched, and you pressed your lips together, grunting as you tried to lift your left arm.

the first few times, the limb just flopped on the ground, but after a while, you could raise it high enough to pat your sibling‘s head. your voice was gone, so that was only thing you could do to praise her. you didn’t have the guts to tell her the lie of „ everything will be alright “.

at that, she seemed to cry even harder, this little display of affection making all of her defenses break. even though you just met her for the first time, you could already recognise her crying pattern. what a horrible thing to know.

first, she would press her lips together, trying to hold it in. then, her lips would wabber, and her eyes would try to blink away her tears. then, by the time the first tear dripped down her cheek, she would hitch her breath, letting out choked sobs. after that, she would just cry. fat tears would drip over her cheeks down onto her lap, her sobs something that seemed downright painful to let out.

you could only continue to put a hand on her head.

———

you open your eyes, your vision a bit bleary from the tears obscuring your vision. for a few minutes, you just lay there, taking in the silence. you could feel a light breeze coming from your right. occasionally, a bird chirped.

‚ an unfamiliar ceiling ‘, you thought. you slowly began to sit up, your upper body almost flopping over again. you just look ahead with empty eyes, looking at the shelve in front of you, containing various medical supplies. it seems like you were in the infirmary.

you allowed yourself to sigh, running a hand through your hair. you didn’t dare to think back on your dream. if you did, you would risk falling unconscious again. you only recalled two things. the sanctus medicus, and the alchemy commission. you didn‘t know about any of these places, but you knew that this was were mei lian‘s siblings were.

your ears perked up as you heard the door creaking open, revealing a nurse entering the room. she asked you a few questions, but you muffled out her voice. determination filled your soul—finally, a step in the right direction.

you looked up at her, offering her a half hearted smile.

„ …excuse me, could I please speak to jing yuan ? “

———

„ the alchemy commission ? “

he repeated, tilting his head. in amusement or confusion, you didn‘t know. not that you cared.

„ sure, if it is your memories, i suppose i can look into it. the sanctus medicus has been a nuisance for a while anyway. “

he announced, signing off a paper. you could feel excitement bubbling up in your chest. you nodded, bowing deeply in gratitude.

„ thank you general. i—i will make sure to assist you upon arrival— “ „ what arrival ? “

he cut you off, tilting his head again in faux amusement. you freeze.

what ?

„ you didn’t think that you were going to the alchemy commission, did you ? “

he inquired, making you almost shrink back. right. he still had his eye on you. unfortunately, it still seemed like he didn’t trust you enough. you could feel frustration bubbling up at that, before you forced yourself to swallow it. you sigh, knowing that there was no way to persuade him.

so xou couldn’t do anything other than apologise for your shortmindedness before excusing yourself, promising him to bring his afternoon tea to the office shortly.

if your trip out to the city told you anything, it was that he testing you. your loyalty. your morals. your limits. in his mind, if he lets you go, it will give you an opening to do something to harm the alliance. or a chance for the imposter to escape.

you clicked your tongue in frustration as you prepared his tea. ‚ what to do ? ‘, you thought, stirring in a dollop of honey into the steaming liquid.

the plot thickens… i will do my best to make this story as interesting as possible, so please don’t forget to vote on what the reader should do next! ( also pls tell me someone got the evangelion ref… )

taglist; @shadowypeachsweets @indarius

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | index.

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲:

you woke up in a world foreign to you, and in a body that was for sure not your own. you awoke as mei lian, an insignificant attendant to a high ranking general of the luofu that recently went missing with her siblings. in an attempt to give her closure, you and your companions attempt to solve the many mysteries surrounding the luofu, forging beautiful relationships on the way…

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> and with that, welcome! my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and ill be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

edit; while we are at it, you can add me on hsr if you are playing on europe server~ my uid is 719601988 !

— part 00 ; reincarnated, i was stargazin‘

— part 01 ; trust, trust who ?

— part 02 ; started with a spark, now we‘re on fire

— part 03 ; forcing a smile and waving goodbye

— part 04 ; i‘m not entirely here, half of me has disappeared

— part 05.1 ; scared to live, scared to die

— part 05.2 ; interlude - extra, extra !

— part 06 ; so i cry, and i pray and i beg ( voting ongoing ! )

— part 07 ; stay tuned !

— part 08 ; stay tuned !

— part 09 ; stay tuned !

— part 10 ; stay tuned !

— part 11 ; stay tuned !

— part 12 ; stay tuned !

— series finale ; stay tuned !

after that, the dreamscape takes you forth, dear readers…

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia | pt. 05.2 - extra, extra!

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

before continuing with the story, i would like to take the chance to introduce you to interlude chapters, where i will share some snippets i have for metanoia that are not relevant to the current storyline. it could be some short stories, answering some questions, or other ideas i have for the reader and the characters.

previous part <<< >>> next part

i thought that it would be cool if mei lian had a design that i could show to you guys, since the reader is residing in a body that is not their own. i modelled mei lian after the typical xianzhou luofu npc i could find walking around, with minimal differences.

mei lian wasn’t of big significance before the story line of metanoia, but i do plan on giving her a proper ending and backstory. but some general information would be that she was a very bright and caring person, who was bubbly and cheerful most of the time. this was mostly because of her having to entertain three siblings on her own, since her parents are absent.

that was also the main reason why jing yuan saw through the reader, since the character of the reader contrasts that of mei lian rather heavily.

now, without further ado, i introduce you to mei lian, the mysterious half deceased of metanoia!

firstly, i apologise for my lackluster drawing skills… ;_; i picked up drawing just recently again, after a 2 year break

i only designed the face for now, but she is pretty much identical to an npc at the xianzhou luofu in the game, down to the body shape and everything ( even though she is a bit thinner currently, as stated in the last part ).

her eyes were originally just plainly grey, but upon the reader reincarnating in her body, the under side of her iris got a golden accent. this will also play a major role in the later chapters, so please stay tuned!

i will also try to incorporate a few drawing here and there in the chapters if you like, but i don‘t know if my drawings skills are good enough for that yet, so we will see ;3

that was pretty much it! i hope you like it, and we will see eachother in the next part!

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia | pt. 05.1 - scared to live, scared to die

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨;

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and ill be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x fireader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<< >>> next part (interlude chapter)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ( this is important )

mentions of light injuries

surprisingly, your plan worked better than you expected.

well, not exactly in the way you hoped— you had the sneaking suspicion that he knows that you are not really mei lian. but at least he believed you when you said that you meant no harm.

one thing you learned about the general was, that through his many years of living, he could read ordinary people like an open book. it made sense; when you live for a few hundred years, you tend to pick up on the patterns of human behaviour.

even though he tends to laze around a bit, that doesn’t mean at all that he isn’t perceptive and cunning. in fact, it makes him even scarier that way— even in a drowsy and laid back state, you cannot escape his sharp gaze.

so he lets you quietly exist beside him, the impostor housing the body of his personal servant, just in case you attempt to try anything.

that was the only logical reason you could think off why he lets you live; to keep an eye on you. to study you.

but it wasn’t all bad, being under the watchful gaze of the general. he did not harm you, and after registering the fact that you were physically in a rather weakened state for a long life species, he even began to care for you.

you didn’t even register all the physical differences your body had. you noticed that your body was thin and lean, malnourished. you couldn’t carry heavy things, and you couldn’t run for long periods of time.

it was as frustrating as it was intriguing— it really made you wonder what mei lian survived with her siblings.

on the topic of your siblings, the general was kind enough to send out a search party for them, concerned as you were over their disappearance. maybe he saw that your worry towards these children were genuine, and decided to indulge you— that was at least your suspicion.

you were grateful nonetheless, it would be a pain to search for your siblings during your long work hours as the generals personal attendant.

not that it was a particularly hard job. it was even more domestic than you thought, you muse to yourself as you pushed a cart filled with tea and rice cakes to the courtyard. you saw the general propped on the chaise lounge, leaning over the chessboard he was playing on with yanqing.

„ general, it‘s tea time… “

you announce as you pushed the cart towards him, the steaming tea pot emitting the lingering scent of jasmine through the luscious garden. as always, the general flashed you a smug smile. he hummed, resting his cheek on his knuckles.

„ ah, perfect timing “, he announced, watching with sharp golden eyes as you prepared his tea.

„ something on your mind? “, he inquires, tilting his head slightly. you flinch, looking at him with wide eyes before waving it off, forcing a small smile to stretch across your face. you took the steaming tea cup, putting it beside a plate of sticky, sweet rice cakes.

„ i have just been—it‘s just some trivial things, general. here you go. “, you mutter, noticing his smile slightly waver as he grabs the cup, taking a sip from it. you noticed that he doesn’t like it when you weren’t transparent with him. it made him think that you were plotting something.

„ if it bothers you enough, then it is not a trivial thing. i would like to know. “

you sigh, averting your eyes. biting your lip, you prevent the frustration bubbling up and spilling from your mouth. „it…It is my siblings, general, i‘m—i‘m worried sick.“

you force out, gripping the handle of the cart. it has been two months ever since you started to work for the general, and ever since then, nothing of significance has happened.

every day felt the same, wringing out your sanity bit by bit as you acted like someone you weren’t, living a life you didn’t want to live. the mask you wore was slowly merging into a second skin, trapping you in this illusion.

„ the search party is searching for them as we speak “, the general retorts, making you calm down a bit. you nod slightly, running a hand through your hair. „i—i know, general. and i‘m forever grateful, but—“ the grip around the handle grew tighter as your eyes narrowed in exasperation.

„ i just feel so helpless. “

you admit, hearing the general sigh shortly after that. „ if you wish to do more, simply pray for their return. leave this up to my people, i‘m sure they will be found. “ he says, finishing his cup. you frown, raising your head.

„ is…is that truly everything i can do? general, why don‘t you let me join a search party? i know my siblings the best, i could help—“

„ absolutely not. “

he stops you before you could say anything more. you bit your lip at that. right. if he lets you go, then he also loses the control he has over you. there was no reason to let you go unsupervised, leaving his watchful gaze.

you were just about to protest, when he was suddenly standing before you, gently shushing you with a finger pressed against your lips.

„ please, dearest. it‘s not good for you to be stressed. you will strain your body even more. “, he comments, before slyly smiling. „why don’t we take a stroll instead? it is not healthy to be coped up inside the house all the time, no? “

he suggests, and before you know it, you are taken by his hand, with no room for protest. you could only gasp out a confused „ hah? “ as he led you out of the office into the streets, your wrist in his tight grip.

no matter how you look at it, the general was sometimes even more odd than you.

as you were led through the crowd, one that was naturally parting for the esteemed general of the luofu, you noticed that it too was a test. with the way he observed you so carefully, he wanted to test your reaction to specific things, watching if anything would make you let out an unusual reaction.

that didn’t occur though, so after stuffing you full with various items of street food and buying you a silly looking hat that he photographed you wearing ( possibly to quench his silent disappointment ) , he lead you back towards the seat of divine foresight.

but just then, as you wanted to convince the general to please delete the photo on his phone, you noticed an unusual flash of green whizzing by. it was a woman in a green robe, with light brown hair that was swooped to the side.

and momentarily, you locked your eyes with her dull ones, ones seemingly swallowing you whole.

after that a whole chain reaction started.

your vision began to waver. you felt feverish, and you saw lights flashing by you. jing yuan‘s calls were a faint echo, and everything seemed to flash by in a single second. you couldn’t even register wether you were standing or not, everything was spinning, and it was too much, too much, too much—

the voices of the passer-by’s and the general were slowly replaced with memories not belonging to you, and you felt sick, toppling over before blacking out.

you heard faint screams of agony, making your body shiver.

your lungs burned, making you tear up.

from this point on, the story really begins to ramp uppp ~ so don‘t forget to vote on what the reader should do next!

taglist; @shadowypeachsweets

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 04 - i‘m not entirely here, half of me has disappeared

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and ill be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x fireader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<< >>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important);

>>> none!

you were anticipating something, but this was not at all what you were expecting.

when you first saw the general, looming over you with his towering height, you thought he wasn't real. he didn't seem like someone that could exist.

his appearance fit that of a general and more. it exuded authority and wisdom from the many years he had lived, and his whole appearance demanded attention. the metal accessoires on his armour clanked with each step as he approached you, and his amber eyes widened slightly as he saw you, before a gentle smile stretched across his face.

„mei lian..."

he almost breathed out, before stepping back, urging you to sit on the seat before his desk. another servant brought a teapot to his desk, handing it to him. He grabbed a cup. „when i heard the news that you were back, i could almost not believe it. how long has it been, two months? with everything going on, i thought i had lost my dear attendant."

he said, pouring you a cup of tea. you accepted it with a bow of gratitude, smiling slightly. after that, a silence set over you two, making you lightly squirm in your seat. you didn't know what to say to the high-profile man, without making him suspicious that you weren’t the mei lian that served him two months ago. you take a sip, feeling his eyes bore into yours.

after a long, sullen silence, a soft laughter echoed through the quiet room, and he began to peel his eyes off, focussing on the documents before him.

„i'm glad to have you back, mei lian. it wouldn't be the same around here without you."

he smiled, casting one last glance at you.

„and look at you, already so eager to work for me again. missed me, huh?", he teased, before gently urging you away to fetch him some papers.

...he certainly left you dumbfounded, that was for sure.

but at least the work has proven itself not to be too hard. you mainly did some household chores for him, reporting him of the latest events on the xianzhou luofu, and sometimes even walking through the city to get errands.

occasionally, you could feel his eyes on you though. It felt unnerving, but each time you hesitantly asked if something was wrong, he would just chuckle, telling you that it was nothing. he said that he just missed you.

but you had a hunch that he was onto you, making your mind wander back to last night; where you entered mei lian's house for the first time.

———

you admit, setting a foot into a home that did not belong to you and having to pretend it was, was pretty hard.

the flat was small, cramped even, with several things scattered throughout the messy hallway. it almost felt eerie as you walked through the once lively home. you felt like an intruder as you walked further into the flat, searching for a sign of mei lian‘s family, and from the looks of it, it seemed like they all left in a hurry before they all disappeared. or died. you winced as you thought of this very possible outcome.

the apartment had two bedrooms, a kitchenette and a small bathroom, all very compact in a small space they shared. you first stepped into the first bedroom, examining it. it was split in the middle, with one half being rather plain, work documents scattered across the surface of the desk and a closet filled with clothes and shoes, accompanied by a small mirror on the wall.

the other half was a bit more decorated, with posters and drawings pinned on the wall, stuffed toys neatly set up beside the pillows. the desk was filled with calligraphy equipment and what seems to be unfinished schoolwork. You stepped a bit closer to the desk, having seen a picture frame cramped between cups filled with pens, and various notebooks stacked on top of eachother.

It was a picture of mei lian and what seemed to be her little sister. they both had a big smile on their faces, and by the looks of it, it was her sisters first day of school. she has a big schoolbag on her bag, and they were posing in front of the building. you took the picture out of the frame just in case, to identify the little sister. you cleaned up a bit, mainly sorting through mei lian’s work documents before moving on to the next bedroom.

this room belonged to a pair of twins it seemed, judging from the pictures hanging from the wall over the bed. they were both rowdy boys, with the one holding a starskiff and the other holding a spear in one photo. you pocketed this photo as well. you gaze through the room, toys scattered everywhere, and their desks filled with stationary and little trinkets.

mei lian seemed to spoil them a lot. there was no sign of their parents though, you guessed that they weren’t around, judging from the fact that not one of their colleagues said anything about her parents upon her reappearanc. you didn’t have anything better to do, so you cleaned up the mess a bit, gathering everything that might seem important on the low table in the living room. after that, you checked the fridge, your nose scrunching up at the sight of rotten food inside. It seemed like the family‘s leave wasn’t planned at all.

you eventually settled down on the couch, feeling exhausted after all what has happened. you wonder if mei lian would feel at home here. ‚probably not‘, you thought, ‚her family isn’t with her, after all‘.

you sigh at that, stepping into her room, trying to make yourself comfortable on the bed. luocha was right. it was hard, living a life pretending to be another person. you kinda wished that he was here with you now. you missed his soothing voice, and the way he calmed you down. his warmth. he was like a rock you could lean on, someone you could turn to in a time of need.

you have said your goodbye to him at a dock, with him slipping you his phone number in case of emergencies. you contemplated multiple times during your cleaning wether or not to call him, tell him that maybe you have made the wrong decision. but something always stopped you in the last moment. …no. you needed to find mei lian‘s siblings, first and foremost. you could worry about yourself later.

———

maybe you should have put more thought into this though, your mind reprimanded you as you looked into the searing golden pools of jing yuan‘s eyes.

you thought that everything went smoothly. you tended to his garden, brought him the meals the chef prepared for him, and from the looks of it, he seemed satisfied by your service. this was how most of your day had gone. but when you were just about to leave, you turn to him, wanting to ask about your siblings. you wince slightly as you were reminded of mei lian‘s words.

But before you could say anything, you were suddenly interrupted by the general.

„you…“

his voice rumbled through the now empty building, the other servants being long gone, leaving only you two here. you noticed that his voice has changed, it was deeper, more sharp. it boomed through the hall, and— you flinch back as he was suddenly behind you, cornering you against a wall.

„you are not really mei lian, correct?“

he smiled, his hands behind his back. you freeze. what was—? „i know my personal attendant. i worked with her for almost a decade, you tend to recognise eachothers character after such a long time.“ he chuckled, his eyes boring into you. you suddenly felt small, caught between a lion‘s paw. he was scary, with the way he could immediately look through you.

„so, who are you, if i may ask? i would suggest that you answer honestly, whoever you are. i won‘t be so nice again if you attempt to fool me a second time.“

his voice hardened, and you could see the lights flickering in the giant hall. you gulp—a threat from the general himself. if you didn’t play your cards correctly, you might die a third time.

you take a deep breath before answering, a poor attempt to calm down.

back on a semi-regular upload schedule! i will give my best to be as consistent as I can with these parts now.. so please don’t forget to vote on what the reader should do next!

taglist; @shadowypeachsweets

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 03 - forcing a smile and waving goodbye

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and i‘ll be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x f!reader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<< >>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important) ;

>>> none!

the first thing you noticed was comfort. you felt good, like you were finally back in place. like you were finally back. did you really die?

you look down, looking at your skin, your hands. you caressed your face, mapping out the unique features you had. you were finally you again. but after the initial joy, came the confusion. you looked around. it was mostly empty space surrounding you, and when you looked down, you could see that you were standing on a thin layer of water, reflecting the blue sky stretching through seemingly infinity. the place was barren, naked, laying all of their secrets directly in front of you, urging you to just go on. it will be okay.

was this the border, between the life and death? did you really perish?

it was quiet here, something you so desperately missed.

but after locking your eyes with a figure, the air suddenly shifts. you didn’t know the figure, you have never seen this person in your entire life, you were so sure of that. but despite that, you still felt a connection to the weeping person as you approached them.

they had brown, choppy hair, and their attire was similar to that of the locals of the xianzhou luofu. you hesitantly step forward, trying to catch their attention. they didn’t notice you. You press your lips together, before clearing your voice.

„ are…are you okay? “

you ask, causing them to lift up their head. she looked like she was crying for a long time, her eyes bloodshot, and you could make out a light trembling in her body.

upon further inspection, you notice that she also had similar golden cracks like you. they were on her arms, and legs, like the first layer of her skin was simply … shattered. the woman clearly had way more golden cracks than you, to the point that it looked like their whole body could fall apart and crumble to the ground. Maybe that is what will happen to you. Maybe it has happened already.

„ you… “

the figure spoke, shaking. her hand slowly moved to the ground, pushing herself off the floor till she stood before you. she looked…similar. like you have seen her before. but you couldn’t quite remember where. she looked at you, a solemn expression on her face.

„ so, you are the one housing my body… “

she spoke, making you flinch. what was she talking about? you tilt your head in confusion. just as you wanted to speak up, she interrupts you, tears brimming in her eyes.

„ please… let me through the border. find my siblings and bring them back to safety, away from the suffering we endured till the end… “

suddenly, you feel a hand gripping yours, refusing to let go.

„ you will soon return, back feeling like you do not belong, so please don’t forget, okay? “

-

you feel the sunlight peeking through the curtains, tickling your face and softly urging to wake up. your vision was blurry at first, before the mapping of the ceiling slowly appearing in front of you.

a weight shifted beside you, and as you turned around, you gazed into a pool of green, softly mixing with soft tunes of yellow. he looked perplexed, eyes a bit wide, looking at you like you just came back from the dead. and well, if your dream told you anything, you really did, in some way.

for a while, you said nothing, basking in the silence, before the blonde opened his mouth.

„ fascinating… “

he muttered under his breath, observing you as you squirmed, slowly sitting up. he followed, before gently grabbing your arm, showing it to you. and you couldn’t help but gasp as you saw it;

it was completely fine. no golden scars in sight, it was almost like you were reborn. like it had regenerated. you look up to luocha.

„ it…“

„ it‘s gone, yes. “

he said, chuckling, like he himself couldn’t believe it.

„ i admit, this is nothing like everything i have seen in my entire life. you regenerated…perfectly. it‘s scary— it‘s almost like you have turned back time.“

he muttered, his hand gliding over your arm. you gulp, doing nothing but nod at his statement.

but even though this revelation surised ( and frankly, also terrified ) you, you couldn’t help but come back to the dream you had.

that crying figure…you were almost sure that it was mei lian. the real mei lian. you confirmed that when you stepped into the bathroom to freshen up, looking into the face you saw weeping in your dream last night.

siblings… she spoke of siblings, you recall. you needed to find them and bring them to safety. mei lian‘s house, you assumed. back to her family. you dried off your face, before exiting the bathroom with a now made up plan, or at least, a string to follow.

as you ventured back through the streets, luocha asked about a hundred times how you felt, if you felt anything out of the ordinary. you understood— having you turn into a mara-struck monster in the middle of the street wouldn’t be good at all. what happened last night, you two didn’t mention, a seemingly invisible contract between the two of you to not speak about that night.

after a while, you two finally made your way into the realm keeping commission. you admitted, you felt nervousness bubbling up in your soul, stepping through the door to get insight into a life you never lived.

but the moment you two stepped inside, all eyes were suddenly on you. and before you could ask what was wrong, you were immediately interrupted by a voice booming through the commission.

„ mei lian! what—“

and before you knew it, a woman stormed towards you, hugging you aggressively. you awkwardly reciprocated.

„ where have you been?! it’s been, what, two months? where—what—“

the woman sputtered, stumbling over her words, before she began to shake. you at first thought that she was angry, so you took a step back. but after closer inspection, you saw her tear strucken face, with snot dribbling from her nose. she sniffled, before embracing you again.

„ i missed you so much! “

she practically sobbed out, making you stumble slightly back from the weight being draped over you. you gulp. was…was she your friend? probably, judging from her reaction.

you let her cry for a while, all the while several people from the commission came up to you, saying how much they missed you, how glad they were that you were back.

„ it‘s good to see you again, mei. “

a young man said, patting you on the shoulder.

„ losing the personal servant of the jing yuan has been a hard blow on every single one of us. “

he said, joking about how the general of the cloud knights wanted to sent out multiple search troups to find you, only for him to be bombarded with another crisis after the other.

you gulp, letting out an awkward chuckle. so you were a servant, huh. seemingly of a very high class individual too, it seems. you gulp, before turning to luocha. You noticed that he had an unreadable expression on his face, before locking eyes with you and nodding towards the door. signalling to come outside.

you gulp, before detaching yourself from everyone, saying that you needed to speak with luocha, the man that found you in cloudford. the others just nodded, thanking the blond and promising him a bountiful reward for finding you.

you just awkwardly chuckled, before stepping outside, looking up at luocha. he had scrunched up his eyebrows, looking at you.

„ you didn’t tell them about your condition. and from my observation, it didn’t look like you remember anything either “

he said, crossing his arms. you nod. he was right. you didn’t remember any of those people, nor that jing yuan person they spoke of who you supposedly served.

„ mei lian… are you sure that you can able to return to your old life again, after such a long time? “

he asked, making you freeze. what…you-you guessed that would be hard, yes, but you could at least try, right? for mei lian? for her family?

„ plus, there is still your…special condition. if i can be honest with you, i would like to research it a bit more. we could travel together, and possibly find a cure, even, that would—i…won‘t pressure you though, don‘t worry. “

luocha exclaimed, a small smile gracing his face. you gulp. the longer you thought about it, the more you realised that he was right. you could never be the real mei lian, and do your job like her. being jing-yuan‘s personal servant is bound to be difficult as well, you presumed.

but on the other hand, you also had the real mei lian‘s request, one you need to fullfill to properly cross the border. you gulp, weighing your options.

sorry that it took so long! i have been working on a new project…but i have big plans for jing yuan and reader, so stay tuned… and please don’t forget to vote on what the reader should do next!

taglist; @shadowypeachsweets

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt. 02 - started with a spark, now we‘re on fire

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and i‘ll be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x f!reader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<< >>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important) ;

>> suggestive themes, angst (talk abt death)

even though it was way past nightfall, you could still see a lot of shops and restaurants being open, bustling bars and food stalls being cramped into little alleyways and corners. the whole street was illuminated by warm lights, a delicious smell wafting through the air as you were led by the blonde man behind you. he chuckled, it was like you were some kind of tourist, he thought, being all wide eyed.

„this is aurum alley. It‘s mostly filled with tourists, and it‘s quite popular for their restaurants.“

he explains, leading you down a set of stairs to a small house, a spicy smell emitting from its doors. you could feel your mouth beginning to water, your stomach yearning for something to sate the hunger.

„i heard that this restaurant has entered the top ten-thousand rankings for the interastral gourmet selection over the course of multiple years. So it should be good, i wanted to try out this restaurant for a while.“

the blonde explains, making your eyes widen in shock. interastral-what? you never heard of something like that before. judging by the name, it seemed like this restaurant competes with the whole galaxy, which makes its ranking actually pretty impressive. you hum, following luocha to a table, sighing out in relief when you finally sat down. you walked through this gigantic space ship for quite a while.

even if it was still hard to believe that you actually were on one. seeing the greenery, and the crowds, it looked identical to earth. you perk up, looking over the menu the waitress presented you. you were glad to find out that you can read it— if not, you would be a bit embarrassed, making luocha even do this for you.

as per recommendation, you order the famous chilli oil stew, alongside with some water. luocha did the same. you glance at the coffin he set down, the intricate designs impressing you. it kind of matches him, you think.

the other guests in the restaurant didn’t seem to mind having a casket in the restaurant, which baffled you a bit. you look at him, your curiosity getting the best of you.

„um…sorry if i come off as insensitive, but what is up with that coffin?“

you hesitantly ask, not wanting to trigger him in some way. you gulp as you see his eyes widening in response, and you immediately thought that you said something to set him off. „you know what—“ he seemed to hesitate, stopping himself. he then smiles.

„this…i need to deliver this to someone.“

he stops for a bit, before looking into your eyes, a glint of something else being found in his green pools. was it…suspicion? nonetheless, it made your skin crawl.

„how interesting that you know of the concept of a coffin. normally, xianzhou natives don‘t know of things surrounding death— mainly because of their long life spans“

he says, eyes boring into you. you could only hum.

„r…really…“ you murmur, taking a sip of water to distract you. you had a feeling that he was getting onto you.

the food arrived, the waiter setting down a steaming bowl of warm soup, the spicy aroma immediately stinging your nose. you lick your lips nonetheless. you dig in, your tastebuds exploding from all the different layers of flavours you experienced. you look at the one sitting in front of you, seeing him enjoy his bowl of soup as well. you noticed that he looked composed and elegant no matter what he did, which you couldn’t help but envy.

amidst your staring, he looked up, locking eyes with you. he tilted his head. „Is there something on my face?“ he inquired, making you shake your head in response, a bit flustered to being caught staring. seemed like the coffin subject is through. you both go back to eating, the meal continuing in silence.

after the meal (which luocha paid for) you two head out to find an inn. with the warm meal sitting in your stomach, you were growing drowsy, and the prospect of a nice, warm bed sounded like heaven. you sighed out in relief when a nearby inn said that they had a vacant room, leading you upstairs.

you opened the door to your shared bunker, a satisfied hum escaping you as you saw the interior. You eagerly plopped down onto the bed, the soft covers sinking in due to your weight. luocha set down his things near the sofa, his coffin resting against the wall. he seemed to rummage around his luggage for a bit, before coming over to you to give you something made out of soft fabric.

„take it“, he says, his head tilting towards the bathroom. „it was a long day, no? you can use the washroom first, and you can wear this to sleep.“ he said, making you thank him profusely for his kindness. you disappear into the bathroom, changing into the oversized shirt going down to your thighs after a warm shower. a bit short, but you would rather not wear the uncomfortable shorts you had on during the trip.

you settle down on the bed, nervousness bubbling up at the idea of having to share the bed with the blonde. you didn’t mind, you were pretty sure that he would be respectful and mind his space, but still. you turned around, looking at the small lamp on your nightstand, the only source of light in your room. eh. it will be fine.

soon, you hear the door click open, but the bed doesn’t dip with another weight settling on it. you sit up, seeing luocha sitting down on the couch by the wall. your eyes widen, fully straightening yourself. „luocha…you can use the bed too“ you say, a look of concern crossing your face.

he did so much for you…you could share a bed with the optional pillow wall for gods sake. he smiled, shaking his head. „i couldn’t, mei…“ he said, making you tilt your head. maybe he doesn’t want to share a space. understandable, you were still strangers. the sheets rustle, making you stand up from the bed. you don‘t register the widening of the blondes eyes.

„then use the bed instead. i-i can use the couch don‘t worry, but you did so much for me, i can‘t let you—“

„mei, stand where you are right now.“

his voice was a tad louder than usual, making you jump a bit. he rose from the couch, slowly walking towards you till he stood before you. noticing your shock, his eyes soften, an apologetic look crossing his face, while his mind was racing.

he knew it.

„i apologise…“ he murmured, averting his eyes for a while. „could you sit down on the bed? i-you have a wound, it seems“. by that, you seemed to slightly panic, sitting down immediately. he sat down beside you, taking your hand to soothe you. you gulp, looking up at him. „is…is it bad?“ you whisper, making him press his lips together. „i don‘t know“ he said, his hand reaching up your arm.

there it was, not covered up now. it was golden, like the outer layer of your skin was peeled off, revealing the glowing gold inside, a small, golden structure peeking out, resembling a gingko leaf.

„this…“ he explains to your wide eyes „is a sign that you are…mara-struck. it‘s something that all long life species suffer from, usually at the end of their lifetimes it—“ he pauses,

„it will consume you until you turn into something that you aren’t.“

he finishes, a heavy heart in his chest as he looks at you. you were frozen, looking at him with an unreadable expression, before slowly tearing up, your mind still frozen from shock. you shake your head, a small, stuttered laugh escaping you.

„w…what..?“ you stammer, your hands reaching out for him, gripping his arms. „no, that—that‘s not true, that‘s-“ you let out another empty laugh. „right? right, luocha?“ you stammer, sniffling as fat tears drop down your eyes. a look of desperation crosses your face.

„i‘m not gonna die, right…?“

he couldn’t bring himself to say anything in response.

you slump back at that, your hands sliding off him. he didn’t need to tell you— you knew from the silence alone. you couldn’t even find it in you to cry. you heard a sigh, before rustling.

He slowly embraced you, wrapping his arms around you in a comforting manner. he smelled like soap and lavender, you noted.

you sniffled, tears threatening to fall again as you squirmed around in his hold. it was silent in the room besides that. there was nothing that could be said, nothing that would matter anyway. you laugh after a bit of crying, wiping away tears.

„you know…“ you sniffle „it‘s–it‘s funny—i will die even before i could really live“ you sobbed out, shuffling to get closer to him. he only hugged you tighter, his warmth calming you.

you melted against him, your head resting against his chest, registering the stuttering rhythym of his heartbeat. you chuckled.

seems like even a calm guy like him could get shaken up. you look at the wound on your arm, freeing it from his tight grasp, picking at the gingko leaf poking out of it. it was strangely beautiful.

a chuckle was heard from luocha after that. seems like you said your last thought out loud. „as someone following the path of abundance…“ he whispered, rubbing your arm. „as…horrible this curse is, i‘m inclined to agree.“ he tilts his head, his lips ghosting over the small crack of the wound, hesitant, before pressing a soft kiss on it.

you jump, feeling your cheeks beginning to burn. the room was suddenly feeling way too cramped, the air too hot as you feel his lips laying a soft trail of kisses over your wounds. „luocha—“

„shh…“ he shushed, his hand resting against your back, the other supporting your legs as he gently laid you down on the soft sheets. you felt like sinking and floating at the same time. „don‘t wake the other guests..“ he muttered, before sinking his head, moving to your thighs.

he gently touched the glimmering cracks, causing them to pulse in response. he chuckled, supporting your thighs while he sprinkled soft kisses along the edges. you couldn’t bring yourself to shove him off, the warmth he provided at the end being far too tempting for your heart, one yearning for another humans love.

you softly sniffled, tears beginning to fall again, rolling down your burning cheeks. his lips were cushy and warm as they softly ghosted over your injuries, too afraid to properly touch, to ruin. the sheets rustled again, and hands cupped your face, wiping away your tears.

„you look beautiful.“

he said, smiling softly. the glow from the small lamp, combined with your teary vision, could only make out the green in his eyes, ones that were burning with so much adoration and appreciation that made you hot with shame and embarrassment.

He peeled himself off from you, lifting up the blanket to tuck you in, before settling down himself, wrapping his arm around your waist. He tucked your head beneath his, while his hand combed through your hair, twirling one of your strands once in a while in an absent manner.

seemed like he didn’t mind sharing the space after all.

you cried some more before you slowly dipping in and out of consciousness. you sniffle, the only feeling you remembered before your sleep being warmth.

the comfort of another person, two hearts pressed against each other, close like never before.

they sure a fun night, right? please don‘t forget to vote on what the reader should do next!

taglist; @shadowypeachsweets

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 01 - trust, trust who?

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and i‘ll be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x f!reader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

previous part <<< >>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important)

>> this part includes: none!

if luocha would describe you, it would be…painfully average. he was so sure that he saw your face at least a dozen times at central starskiff haven, it was that unremarkable. it wasn’t an insult by any means, just a mere observation. but then again, if he thinks about it, that was about the only thing that was normal.

something was.. off. he couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something that unsettled him about you. maybe it was because he found you at such an isolating place, surrounded by tall crates, so no one could properly see you. maybe it was because you seem… misplaced. again, he couldn’t explain it. he looked at you, going over your features again, when he suddenly saw something peek out from under your sleeve.

it was..glimmering, shining golden, like the outer layer of your skin was gently peeled off to reveal gold hidden underneath it. loucha‘s breath hitches, he..he saw something similar before. he took an automatic step back, his hand instinctively reaching behind him to firmly grab the hilt of his sword. he didn’t dare to step any closer to you, his eyes glued to the slither of golden glow peaking out from underneath your sleeve. after trading with the xianzhou luofu for so long, these wounds were identical to people inflicted with—

„ …m..mei lian.. “

you stammered out, your voice hoarse as your name slips past your dry lips. this seemed to redirect luocha‘s attention to your face again, his grip on his sword loosening. a look of concern flashed across his face, before he composed himself.

„ is…is this your name, miss? “

he murmured, still hesitating a bit, like you were some wild animal. you nod, still a bit shaken up.

„ what are you doing here…? “ he inquired, still in a safe distance from you.

„ i…i don‘t know. everything… “ you hesitated, like you were unsure how to phrase it. you subconsciously rub your arm, preventing luocha to see the ‚wound‘.

„ …is a haze. i-i don‘t remember anything, i don’t know what i’m doing here, w-where i am, what- “ your breathing picked up, and he could see your lips starting to wabber. his eyes softened. he took a step forward, putting his sword back in its sheath.

„ please…calm down, mei lian. you are currently at cloudford. “ he says, looking at you to see if he triggered some memories. he presses his lips together at your clueless expression, eyebrows scrunching together into a slight frown. just how many memories did you forget?

„ can you remember anything else besides your name? your age? what you have been doing here? “

he asked softly, making the person in front of him seemingly relax a little, composing herself. she seemed to think for a bit, before hesitantly shaking her head again.

„ i…i really can‘t, i- it‘s- i‘m sorry, i can‘t even— “

he holds his hand up, stopping her from rambling. he was sure that it will only make her more anxious, spiralling into a storm of paranoia.

„ please “ he hesitates, before continuing. „ it‘s okay. everything is going to be fine, mei lian. “ he announces, making you look up at him helplessly. „ i think it will be best if we first go to the city together. this place is infested with the mara struck, and although i can’t fight that very well either, it will still be safer to go as a pair. “

a sense of authority was laced in his voice, making you automatically perk up a bit to clearly hear him. he suppresses a smile at that.

„ when we arrive at central starskiff haven, we will go to the realm-keeping commission, to get some information about your identity. everything after that, it‘s up to them. “

he looks at you, his eyes softening as he smiles. „ is that alright with you? “

you blink, an odd silence following after that, but he could see that this clear set of directions put you just a bit more at ease. you nod, straightening yourself.

„ okay. yeah, lets-lets do that. “

you say, a shaky smile stretching across your face, a feeble attempt to appear brave. he almost chuckles at that. your throat was still a bit dry it seems, so he pulled out his water bottle, handing it to you, smiling.

„ go on. drink. “

he nudges you, and you accept with a murmured thanks, gulping down the water like you haven‘t been able to drink in days. maybe you haven’t. you let out a sigh of relief after the final gulp, thanking the blonde again. you gulp as you watch him put his own lips at the opening of the bottle, a look of concern crossing your face as you watch him. you take a step forward.

„ is…are you okay with sharing a water bottle with me? my lips have been on there, what if I carry… like, some sort of disease with me? “

you murmur, hesitant. you immediately sputter, not wanting him to think that you actually were infected with anything.

„ n-not that I‘m sure…! but still…if i have something like a deadly chickenpox variant on me… “

you mumble, averting your eyes, a bit apologetic. you heard a chuckle, and you look at the man raising an eyebrow, acting like you just said something silly.

„ …chicken…pox? what kind of disease is that? never heard of it, miss. and don’t worry, if anything happens, i can always heal myself, i am better at that, than fighting. “

you see the remnants of a smirk fading from his face, as he pockets the water bottle, telling you about something. but you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to him. what…what did he mean by he didn’t know about chickenpox? this was such a well known disease, if he had any medical knowledge he must know, right…? you shake your head, looking around, at the labyrinth of crates. did this world…just didn’t have that kind of disease? and if not, from where did you have this information? you could feel your head beginning to hurt again as you made an effort to remember things. you gently massaged your temple, forcing yourself to concentrate. you had a goal now, after all, and you needed to follow it.

„ —besides, one indirect kiss won‘t kill me. come on, lets head out. “

the blonde says, picking up the coffin he had on him and beginning to walk down the path between the crates, occasionally looking over his shoulder to see if you were following. you at first didn’t even realise that he had a coffin on his back, by the way it looked so extravagant. you also wondered why exactly he had a coffin with him, but you kept silent for now, not having the energy for another potential headache. you followed him, wandering through the maze with him as he explained to you what he was doing here. no doubt an attempt to trigger some memories. which you appreciated, making sure to soak up every word he says.

„ i‘m nothing but a merchant here, really. i made trades with the alliance before, but as i arrived here, i was a bit stunned at how eerie this place was. come to find out that there was some issue with some cargo, and mara struck entities were ravaging through the port. “

he sighs, turning a corner. you could just wordlessly nod, taking in every piece of information he gives you like a sponge. he even peeks around a corner, shushing you gently as he shows you these so called ´mara struck´. you gulped at the sight of them, blood running cold as you looked at them skulking around.

just in what kind of world have you landed on?!

you wandered around for a bit, helplessly lost without a guide, before you encounter a person with a blue and silver uniform. he had a spear on him, one that he accidentally pointed at the two of you as you suddenly popped up. he was obviously shaken up and cautious, but luocha managed to calm him down a bit, stating his identity and the purpose of his visit.

but after he got asked, you could feel anxiety bubbling up as the guard, a so called ´cloud knight´ (what is this, a videogame?) pointed at you, his muffled voice being heard from under his helmet.

„ and what about this one? “

he says, a thick layer of suspicion being spread across his tone. you subcounsciously rub your arm, gulping. you didn´t know what to say. you stood there like a deer in headlights, before an arm was suddenly slung across your shoulder, pushing you closer to someones chest. you look up at luocha, tears of gratitude gathering up in your eyes as you heard him laugh, rubbing your shoulder gently.

„ oh, this is my partner, she came with me this time. she wanted to see the views the xianzhou luofu had to offer for quite a while now. “

he mused, his gentle smile seemingly dismantling the guard from every suspicion he had. he sighed, nodding.

„ …i see. please follow me, i will take you to the city. “

by that, you let out a sigh of relief, a feeling of joy filling you at the prospect of going back (?) to civilisation. luocha seemed to notice that as well, leaning down to whisper into your ear.

„ i apologise. but i fear that this was necessary, otherwise we would be stuck at cloudford for a very long time.“

you shake your head. „ no worries. i’m just glad that we can finally leave. i wouldn’t be able to survive a single night out here.“ you chuckle, continuing to follow the knight towards a flying ship (at this point, you didn’t even question anything ) to transport you to central city. you could feel your eyes falling shut as you boarded the small ship, but you forced yourself to stay awake, the soft whirring of the engine calming you.

the ride to the city was silent, your tired eyes slowly widening in shock as you saw the skyline of the city appear from the endless small islands of crates and cargo. you arrived after nightfall, so the city was illuminated with lights, warm and cool glows peeking through the traditionally build homes and megastructures. it was like you were in a cyberpunk movie, glimmering lights peeking through the concrete jungle, making the whole city glimmer.

you and luocha were dropped of at one of the docks, the ship continuing to fly away, possibly back to cloudford. you looked around in awe, still in shock. you couldn’t possibly imagine that you ived here. otherwise, you would be sure that this view would trigger at least some memories.

you stop when you saw luocha break his smile with a sigh, pocketing his phone.

„ we are here, but i fear that the commission has closed for today. “

he said, making your smile drop momentarily, clueless about what to do next. the blonde haired man then smiles, silently reassuring you. he turns to you, setting his coffin down on the ground, before clearing his voice.

„ no worries, we always have tomorrow. how about we get something to eat? i can‘t imagine how hungry you are after everything that‘s happened today. and i‘m sure that an inn still has vacant rooms, we can rest there..“

he suggests. you hum, sinking into thought. he was…so nice. almost too nice to a girl he just found in the port. you were unsure about trusting him. the commission might be closed, but there might be people in the city that could help you if you look around. but on the other hand, you do admit that your stomach is growling. and that your eyes were incredibly heavy. you pressed your lips together, having made up your mind.

thank you for all the votes in the last part! please don’t forget to vote what the reader should do next!

Taglist; @shadowypeachsweets

- xoxo, laina

[timbrhead]

metanoia. | pt 00 - reincarnated, i was stargazin‘

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨:

>> welcome, my name is 𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐚, and i‘ll be your scriptwriter (^‿^✿). my story will be kind of an choose-your-own-adventure story with a poll at the end of every part, where you can vote how the story continues.

This will be honkai star rail x f!reader story with these elements: reincarnation, slow burn, i gave reader a proper personality (sry, not much customisation there), does not follow the original storyline

>>> next part

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (this is important);

>> this part includes: descriptions of a panic attack

‚ the sky…was it always so vibrantly blue? ‘

that was the first thing you asked yourself as your eyes fluttered open. it was silent, unusually so, although you couldn’t really compare it to anything else, your mind drew a blank. was your life always this quiet? so calm? you don‘t think so, judging from the fact that you could feel your muscles visibly relaxing from the, possibly most welcome silence, a content, subconscious sigh slipping from your lips as you threatened to doze off again.

it was weird, it was like you were in sort of a trance, your mind carefully balancing the border of reality and the vast dreamscape, as if it had just been born, materialised. you had a feeling that you knew absolutely nothing, even though you knew there was something in your mind reminding you, telling you that you aren’t there, where you are supposed to be.

…

you didn’t know how much time passed till your mind finally broke out of it, the different synapses in your brain finally buzzing in a steady rhythm, allowing you to refocus your eyes, scanning the area around you.

you…were sitting. leaning on a metal crate. are crates made out of metal? you didn’t know. or did you? you shook your head. unimportant. you looked down at your body.

nothing unusual about that as well. you still looked healthy at least, although you couldn’t help an uncomfortable sensation bubbling up from your very core, even if you don’t know how to describe that feeling yet. you had dark blue shorts on, and a shirt draped over your upper body in the same color. no shoes, for some reason. you pressed your lips together in a slight frown at that. how odd. you continued to look around, looking over the endless walls of crates, creating a twisted maze out of them. You could feel an uncomfortable knot in your stomach forming, wondering how you would find back home in the condition you are in, freshly conscious and confused.

home…did you have one? you couldn’t remember. you hoped so. you looked down at your feet, a silent sense of dread creeping up at the realisation how utterly clueless you were. the more aware you became, the more questions emerged. you heard of amnesia before, although you never heard of a case this extreme. you could only remember your name, mei lian. suddenly, a sharp pain courses through your brain. you stop.

…no.

mei lian wasn’t your name. you-no, that you knew for sure, where did that name even come from? and what was your name? as you pondered, the sound of steps rang into your ears. Immediately, you perked up. was it a person?

you took a deep breath, putting your hands on the floor, preparing to push yourself off from the ground on your feet. you never tried it before, so you hoped it worked. the first few tries resulted in an absolute flop. you almost wanted to laugh at yourself as you plopped down on the ground again after the nth time. it reminded you of the protagonist from kill bill, where she tried really hard to wiggle her little toe after breaking out of the hospital. the fact that you remembered something as unsignificant as that and not your government name bewildered you. did you even watch the movie? frustration bubbled up in your chest, resulting in a wave of strength surging through you, directly to your arms.

you let out a grunt when you finally managed to stand up, your muscles screaming at you from being strained again. god, just what did you do before that?

forget that. you needed to get back…home.

you were still a bit wobbly on your feet, legs shaking like a newborn fawn, but you eventually steadied yourself by leaning against the crates, taking one step at a time. that was the winning strategy. one step at a time. easy. you could feel your steps getting more and more stable, the soft sound of your bare feet slowly gaining a steady rhythm, walking towards the other pair of steps you heard from the distance. you tried to call out, but you also realised that your mouth is incredibly dry, with a weird, copper like taste in your mouth as you swallowed a bit of what little saliva you had left.

you shook your head. now was not the time to think about the taste of your mouth. you could hear the footsteps getting louder, and it seemed like you two would come across each other. thank the lord. you could feel your heart pounding as anxiety bubbled up inside of you, a sense of fear tightly squeezing your beating heart. you don‘t know what kind of people you come across in a place like this, after all.

and then, as you turned a corner, you saw him.

the first thing you noticed was his long, blonde hair. it looked silky and smooth, and you could feel yourself growing envious of the shine they had under the sun (?). the color reminded you of pure sunshine, and watching it flow in the soft wind was utterly mesmerising. green eyes locked with yours, slightly widening at your sight. You couldn’t blame him, you wouldn’t expect to find a random woman in a port (was it a port?) either.

you have never seen vibrant eyes like that before (at least you think so). of course, you knew that people with green eyes exist, you were aware of that, but you think that this was the first time you’ve seen green eyes that were so.. saturated. if he wasn’t standing before you in the flesh, you would probably think that he was a painting, a drawing, a character straight from a fantasy novel. upon further inspection, you could even see little specks of gold weaved into the sea of lush green, making him all the more unique in your eyes.

he was tall, clothed in unique clothing that you haven’t seen before (at least you think you haven’t seen it). he wore a black turtleneck under a white coat, embellished with golden accents, the buttons and brooches designed with so much intricacy and creativity that he almost looked like a professional cosplayer.

you could see him take a step towards you, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.

„ …miss, what are you doing here? are you..a worker, by any chance? “

the man spoke, waking you up from your daydream. his voice was awfully soothing. but you forced yourself to go back to what he said. a worker…were you one? did you have a job around here? that would explain why you woke up here, of all places, at least. were you ambushed while working? mugged? you swallowed, gathering your voice to communicate. you tried to think back on what happened, following the path of memory lane to maybe, just maybe, find out your origins. but even as you tried your hardest, there was only a blank canvas to look back on.

suddenly, a pulsing pain shot straight to your brain as you tried to remember. your eyes widen, the stinging sensation still ringing in your ears. what…what was happening?

you could feel your sight growing hazy as the now concerned calls from the man grew more and more muffled, even though you weren’t distancing yourself from him. your mind was drowning in a storm of endless questions, your eyes beginning to tear up as you realised something even more terrifying- it wasn’t just that you didn’t know where you were- you didn’t know who you were either. you had the feeling that your brain was bust wide open, all these little bits and pieces of random information swirling around in a wild tornado, while you were directly in the middle of it, in the eye of the storm.

you could feel your breathing picking up, like you were gasping for air from the way your mind was so empty and full at the same time, the body you were in slowly growing more and more uncomfortable, like you were in the wrong one. this body wasn’t yours.

and that name wasn’t yours either.

you tried your hardest to remember, but only one name came up as you searched through your mind, and you knew for a fact that it wasn’t yours. If you knew one thing, if one thing was now clear to you, this was it -the name, belonging to this body, isn’t yours.

a wave of conflicting emotions bubbled up inside of you, your mind now even further split apart. you felt like an intruder. shamefully possessing something that wasn’t yours, because you had nothing to call truly.. well, a part of you. you weren’t the person you were currently possessing, you were a lie, you were wearing this body like a costume, a costume you couldn’t get rid off-

suddenly, a touch of warmth was felt on your shoulder- a hand. something warm, something familiar. not particularly this specific hand, but the feeling of comfort when someone pats you on the shoulder. you could feel a silent wave of relief wash over you at the feeling of familiarity. that- that at least meant that you had been comforted before. that you weren’t alone your entire life. you look up to the blonde, blinking the tears away you didn’t even know were dripping down your cheeks. he had a concerned expression on his face, his eyebrows scrunched together while his lips curled into a slight frown.

„miss, are you okay?“

he said, his velvety voice cutting through your frenzied emotions like a sharp knife. he grabbed your hand, letting you sit down against one of the crates again.

„what is your name, miss?“

he inquired, seemingly trying to distract you from your panic attack, which you appreciated. but at the question to what your name was, you began shaking again, your emotions bubbling up your throat again, threatening to come out. the man seemed to notice, making him immediately attempt to soothe you by gripping your shoulders, letting his hand rub your arms soothingly.

„ you can call me luocha, i’m a…“

he seemed to ponder for a bit.

„ …travelling merchant. but i‘m also well versed in medicine, so if there is anything you need, please-“

he said, making you slowly but surely, calm down for a bit. he…he seemed nice. he needed to be, helping a complete stranger with her panic attack in the middle of a trade port. you contemplated your next answer carefully. you didn’t want to scare him away by saying all the weird things you feel about your identity, he was your only way back to potential civillization, after all. you didn’t want to, but playing it safe and introducing yourself with that fake persona might also be an option.

so, with the introduction of luocha, the prologue ends on a cliffhanger! please don’t forget to vote what the reader should do next!

- xoxo, laina