time-to-run-and-disappear

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I finally sobbed last night when she deleted everything I wrote here. I cried more than I have in the last few weeks. I think it was because I was embarrassed she read how low I got. And I think that really means something. I guess I did just love the thought of you

Sadness is still sadness though. I hope I’ve grieved enough.

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Beautiful day to

jump the FUCK off a building

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I love you so much my heart hurts.

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Why am I so much more emotional than everyone else? Why do I feel things under a x100 microscope?

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What’s wrong with me? I keep fucking up, even when I’m trying so hard.

Im not good enough. I’ll never be good enough for anyone. I disappoint everyone I love. You’ll never be good enough.

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Got sad, got high.

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I’m just going to distance myself. Figure out what I need. We talked, and it sounds like you can’t give me any help. So I’m on my own.

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If someone starts crying over something that seems small, don’t be mean about it. Most of the time there’s a bigger picture, so just because they’re upset over the Wi-fi not connecting or a bottle being hard to open doesn’t mean that’s what they’re actually upset about.

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Do you ever isolate yourself from people because you don’t have anything to talk about except for your sadness/mental health? Because you’ve been talking about it for years now so you don’t want to annoy them anymore. Or bring them down with your negativity. So you just sit there silently all alone, choking with all your unsaid words waiting for I don’t know what. Because by now you know it doesn’t get better.

Leave a comment down below, if you can relate.

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“Life is short”

I’m okay with it ending shorter.

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Note to self

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my edits

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Things to (Do) and (Not to do) when I’m anxious:

(Do)

Talk to me.

Distract me.

Breathe with me.

Help me ground myself.

Be there.

Reassure me on almost everything.

(Don’t)

Ignore me.

Tell me to “just calm down.”

Tell me to “just breathe.”

Leave me.

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The thing is… everyone always tells you about the pretty side of falling in love and being in love. No one talks about the nights you spend lying awake for hours wondering if any of it is worth it. People can leave. People can fall out of love. People can change their minds. There is no way to know for sure if someone is going to stay. Love can only be secure through trust, but what about for someone who can’t trust. What about someone who was so brutally broken by the past that they never want to allow themself to fall again. Love is fucking scary.

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