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*logs on* *remembers my writing and ideas are mid* *logs off*

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Remember Rob O' the Hedge, that weird one-off Archie character who was basically a Robin Hood ripoff? Fuck that.

This is Rob O'Hedge, master thief. He comes from a long line of thieves known for their mastery of various techniques and high-profile heists - the highest of which was the theft of a blessing from the gods, the Gift of Artemis, which has been handed down throughout the years.

While he does still balance between Chaotic Neutral and Chaotic Good, he doesn't do as much theft for business these days as his family is already loaded. Still, he is willing to use his thief skills for what's right... or even just to annoy someone, he's not exactly above just being an asshole, least of all to people he cares for.

...Okay so maybe we based him a little off of Sly Cooper and his family, but that still feels like more character than he ever got before lmao.

Anywho, art as always done by @red-eclipse. Love her so much, and you guys should too.

And hey who knows maybe he'll be added as a character later if there's interest hehehe

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❝If this red fucking FREAK doesn't stop comparing me to that fuckass rat now…❞

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❝Finally, someone who sees my vision! If nobody else got me, I know random old guy I just met on the street got me! Amen!❞

“See? This kid knows whats good.”

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❝I don't care how long you've been off your meds: do NOT fuck that cisgendered weed-smoking goth.❞

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❝Type shit!❞

“That’s called YouTooz.”

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❝Funko Pops and Garbage Pail Kids amalgamated with the personality of a Dr. Phil episode script is more accurate.❞

“Summa y’all be looking’ kinda like a Funko Pop forreal.”

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❝Maid dresses are cute, but kinda overrated these days… put that man in a skimpy nightgown and some thigh high socks!❞

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.☘︎˖— “Happy father's day, Uncle Mighty! And belated birthday—I hope you like Tres Leches! Auntie Di helped me make it so it counts from her too!!” ݁Cue a medium, chilled cake pan given to Mighty, whipped cream covered in strawberry slices topping the treat.

— ☆⋆˙ CEASING HIS CURRENT BOUT OF physical activity upon hearing his niece's voice— one-handed pushups to keep his aging from taking over—, he raises to stand. Eyeing the confection with surprise, shaky hands struggle to accept it as he tries much too hard to be gentle with it (and by extension her), brow ridges creasing together. Ray had taken him out earlier for lunch, a tradition of theirs for the day that was good enough for him already, but the thoughtful gesture touches him, a smile crowding over his face.

❝Ay, mi pequeña mariposa... no tenías que hacer esto por mí…❞ Balancing the pan with one hand, the other moves to sit atop her head, stroking leafy hair with a thumb. ❝Thank you. I love it, Blossom. Tell Missus Dione it means the world to me too. There's no way I can eat all this myself, though— so how's about the two of you come inside and join me?❞

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❝To everyone who keeps asking: yes, I still have Starline's corpse, he's in the basement of the office! No, I'm not gonna tell Kit he was here. Yes, I am entertaining offers as to purchasing parts of the body, but you're gonna need to make a convincing argument. Also, the skull's off limits, it's my Father's Day present for father.❞

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Y'all should wish him happy birthday it will piss him off a lot

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BORN

GUESS WHO TURNS 41 ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!! THIS OLD FUCKER!!!!!!!!

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Oh yeah also like happy pride and whatever

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 🎸⋆⭒˚｡⋆—“Why are you white?”

❝Filipino-French, actually. Nice try, merluzo!❞

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mr. ray how do you feel about having your own very special trading card???

❝Aside from the unflattering and inaccurate illustration, I'm actually pretty happy! It's always so special to be reminded that people really like me! I just hope they know that I like them too!❞

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❝Sounds like they can sense you being a pussy. Have you tried smacking a bitch the fuck up in there to set an example?❞

“ Assassination  attempt  at  Chili's .   There  were  two  more  after  that ,  so  I  finally  stopped  goin' .  ” 

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Ray, bro, they stole yo fuckin melanin like hoyoverse, did u even notice ur melanin washing away?? Is this how we know ur getting old, the whiter u get the older u r???

Also, does chronos get whitewashed when winter hits? Does he get that bright ass white winter coat??

[these are all jokes i promise HELP]

❝Wow! I never thought it would be possible to say something so incomprehensible, but I didn't understand a single word of that! Congratulations!❞

❝I'm not an arctic fox, you racist dumbass. Nice fucking stereotype that we all look alike, cunt.❞