timeispresciousworld

[timeispresciousworld]

Illness doesn't Defy Me

Hi I am Sophie Hopkins 24 years old originally from Gateshead live in Wales now. Since I was 14 I have battled a series of mental health issues found it hard to make friends fit in and be me. Through voluntary work and small projects I have been able to be me and battle the mental illness I have.

Mental illness isn't fun. It destroys your identity it gives people a perception of you that is hard to rub away. It's like your tattooed and everyone knows you as an illness and not a person. Recently I have found a way that doesn't give people the perception. The Tip is being HONEST & OPEN.

For the last 10 years everywhere I go people make comments. People doubt my goals. They predict my failure. My own family have disowned me because of my illness and identity.

In February after 2 years of being away from everything I decided to go on an Active Citizens Cultural and Arts program which started with a week residential. Everyone who I told give me estimates on when I would quite. This is what got me through

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder along with anxiety depression and panic disorder. In July 2017 I was admitted to psychiatric ward and was formerly sectioned in October 2017. I thought my illness and in the end accepted the treatment and was discharged April. 2018. I tried short programs which I quite half way through. I tried college. I failed. So in January I applied for this program after I moved back up north to care for my sick mum. Unfortunately my health deteriated and I am back in Wales temporarily but my home is gateshead.

This program was different I was going straight on a residential not knowing anyone including facilitators. Everyone was sure I wasn't going to do 5 nights. I DID for first time and this is how.

No One knew me so it was my choice what people new.

My anxiety was high I couldn't communicate I was so scared I actually thought I was going to leave that night. But something clicked.

Raegan was the first person I spoke to properly and she told me she was in a similar situation the year before. She talked about all her worries she had and how she got through it. She sat with me all afternoon and I started asking questions I also started to get to know her as a person. Raegan was my life safer and I still say she was the 1 person who helped me realise who I am as a person. Raegan is like so close to me as a person and even now we talk everyday and have a laugh.

Through raegan I got to know Nikki a Rohan and Alice as well as Brendan. This was the group I belonged to that week in terms of friendship and we still talk now. Nikki was so bright and through activities we just bonded and we realised we had a lot in common. Alice made me realise I need to stop pretending to be someone am not and just throw my self out there. Rohan reminded me that confidence attitude and positivity get you everywhere is honestly was incredible. But through everything we all have a story and we all had a laugh and through these people I got to enjoy a week of hard work but of being me and say I CAN not I CANT

Eliza is someone who honestly I owe my life to. Eliza and I were paired as room mates but our friendship was extended when I got ill with my illness Eliza was there nothing scared her. We bonded so well we were laughing joking but being series. Me and Eliza are doing our project on integrating generations through mining history of the northeast and through this our friendship has went professional for the work but stronger in friendahip.

Never being able to use the word friends has been tough for me but now I can and this was all because of honesty open and psotivify and finding fun in everything we do.

This is me and I only can create my own future but I can choose who is apart of it and get rid of negativity and enforce the postitivty.