tinylittlecubby

[tinylittlecubby]

an important thing to remember about colonialism is that places that were colonized were not perfect utopia but often full of their own horrors and abuses

the other important thing to remember about colonialism that the above does not justify colonialism

[tinylittlecubby]

😤christian is fighting for the truth in marche's chat

and marche agrees

[tinylittlecubby]

Obviously not expecting a (white) American site to gaf about today so lemme talk a bit more about Windrush Day and the Black British experience:

I feel like the Black British experience is constantly one of work and struggle. Our parents and grandparents lived through colonial and post colonial (using the term lightly) rule just to end up working and serving the imperial core, targeted by the same government that invited them here. A lot of the time its phrased as a choice but in reality what else could they have done? Ts and Cs apply bc for some West African Brits their parents were middle class back home but for me and others our families grew up in poverty in places still recovering from slavery and colonialism.

Britain whitewashes the history of Black immigrants, literally in the sense we're not taught our own history of Black people in Britain and metaphorically by applying British individualist myths; that as long as you work hard, don't complain about it and love Britain you can be British too. But it erases, ignores and distorts the truth that the British state used our community as nothing more than a labour force to rebuild after WWII and actively targeted Black British communities with police surveillance, brutality and systemic racism. All whilst denying it of course and turning their nose up at the very accusation. Very British.

Black British contributions, West African and West Indian to be more specific don't just apply in terms of work but in terms of shaping culture. 'Roadman' has become a meme and a caricature (including by some Americans on here ik u lot love 'chav') with barely any connection to its Black British roots, even when the term gets used as an insult to mainly Black working class men or used as a British version of 'thug'. The grime scene is undeniably a staple of Black Britain yet it is pathologised and judged, moral panics about Black people's violence and yet capitalised and profitted off of by non Black Brits as an aesthetic. Everybody wants the tracksuits, the tunes and the terminology innit. To be 'road' means to be Black British yet when its time to talk culture, nobody wants to credit it us. All of a sudden its 'London culture'.

But it isn't all doom and gloom. There's so much history and culture here in our spaces. I'd be lying if I said growing up where I did was easy. But it has shaped my outlook and made me and I'll carry that with me forever. Our grandparents and parents came here with so little and made so much out of nothing. And I'll always honour that. Justice for the Windrush generation.

[tinylittlecubby]

"we're at war with the middle east now" you never stopped being at war with the middle east you idiots.

[tinylittlecubby]

I dont think people actually understand poverty,mental illness/trauma, sociology, individualized economic decisions, history and resource allocation as well as they think:

On one hand people say that the vast majority of people are one pay check away from being homeless and are pushed into time based poverty in order to prevent that.

But then it's these very same people that are 'treatlerites' for ordering delivery somehow???

Storytime:

I was around my extended family recently and they are financially well off and they got ANGRY at me when I said we can order Uber eats for lunch.

But of course they did, POOR people order delivery. They aren't poor. They aren't TIME poor. They can afford in their fully paid off, well maintained cars to go to the store and buy food to prepare or even pre made food that is often significantly more expensive than the delivery options available in our area. And if they want to eat out they go to a sit down restaurant where they can take all the time in the world.

And due to not being time poor, they have clean kitchens that they can easily prepare and store their food in cause none of their appliances are broken (they can use their oven cause its not broken. They have a fridge that's not a mini fridge and not broken. They can store food in their cupboard in the original packaging cause they don't have ants that will fuck up the food. They can mentally afford to maintain the cleanliness of their kitchen)

One of them even went on a rant on how they dont associate with people that eat fast food because its not made by people that care/made with 'love' like homecooked meals are (he grew up in a household where his mother could afford to be a SAHM for years, re enter the work force and still catch up to her husbands federal level paid job. I learned that day that apparently there is a correlation between caloric density in a meal and love, who knew!)

Whereas I grew up in a house where the oven was broken for 8-9 years straight so we could only eat food that could be prepared on a single hot plate (what about the microwave? My parents are mentally ill and were scared of microwaves. I had to buy a shitty one when I was 23 that takes 3 times as long to work and now they use it all the time 🙃🙃🙃🙃 im 25 btw at the time of this post)

I slept on the floor from 10 years old all the way until 21 years old, sometimes with a mattress on the floor (post 15 years old) for a lot of that time just on a fabric yoga mat like thing (from 10 - 15 years old, sometimes I would use an air mattress but they were poor quality and would deflate and were also expensive)

I grew up in a house where the shoes I wore were the wrong size for years but better to wear shoes that were too big and tie them REAL TIGHT then to get shoes that are the proper size that will get beat up more cause there's less space (that's not how shoes work but good luck convincing my poor,mentally ill parents that. The anger they would direct towards me when it came to buying clothes/shoes cause of the prices. To this day the thing i buy the least is clothing. I shop AT MOST twice a year for clothes and its usually to buy new cheap underwear or to buy an Amazon 5 pack of t-shirts to replace the old ones. Definetely spend less than 200$ a year on clothes. Don't get me started on bras. Even the bed i have now, my grandmother bought me cause her daughter, my mother, absolutely refused to do so even though she could afford it. I have spoken to my grandmother less than 15 times and she passed recently. We had an aggressively neutral relationship and she was still the one to correct the situation)

I grew up in a house where me and my sibling were selling our sparse Christmas and birthday presents we had gotten over the course of a few years (Xbox, some videos games, our video now players R.I.P) for a total of 20 dollars at a pawn shop just so we can buy 88cent kraft dinner (we rationed it out over the course of a few weeks)

I grew up begging my classmates for food every single day from grade 4-6 and the teachers saying and doing absolutely nothing even though they OBVIOUSLY knew. (Canada doesn't have meal programs in our schools so......)

The times I ordered out the most was when I was working 60 - 80 hour weeks.

The times I ordered out the most the oven was fucking broken

The times I ordered out the most I was depressed and traumatized cause I was almost trafficked when trying to get a job to make some money and the guy saying "your friend, the men will want to party with and she will serve them alcohol, they will want to gangbang YOU though cause your black and these rich Arabic men love black pussy"

So fucking excuse me for wanting to make fucking money and not be subject to the cruelty of capitalism any longer.

Excuse me for leveraging tools that I can use independently and I dont have to rely on someone else's permission or pity or the rare times their kindness, so that I can breathe for once in my god damn life KNOWING that THAT isn't even guaranteed. Im human, I can still die at any time!

So many people make judgments on what people do to stay ALIVE, to not go past that 'one paycheck' and they have caricatures of people rather than knowing real fucking people (and honestly the more I see peoples shopping habits online the more I doubt that people are ACTUALLY that close to homelessness. Social capital often protects people from homelessness and people NEVER talk about that. THATS why many homeless people are foster kids, due to low/no social ties/capital. That's a conversation for another rant though)

NOW that I am getting the most financial support I have ever gotten, financial support that I have to cut up parts of myself and repackage just to fucking get, NOW I have the time to go to the grocery store and have the beautiful experience of being followed by security and staff cause they think I must be stealing. I get to cook wonderful meals that are all similar and not really diversified or great and making basic mistakes because I am behind in cooking skills and still learning along the way. And I get to eat them in my bedroom while I try and not have a panic attack cause I still live at home where I experienced domestic violence and it can always start again at a random moment.

The thing i spend my money on the most is a 280$ month office desk rental so that i can get any work done that I need for school, not worry about domestic violence at home, watch the content I want to watch without criticism and being monitored (if someone in the house doesn't like the content creator or show or whatever that im watching or the artist im listening to for whatever reason, I'm also not allowed to engage with them. Am I allowed to have my own opinions? Yes -terms and conditions apply heavily and ultimately mean No- remember, poverty exacerbates/causes mental illness and social enmeshment. )

The only reason I can even afford to go to school is because I had a mental health episode that destroyed my psyche which allowed me to receive a disability grant from the province and I am not considered a dependent of my parents anymore which offers an additional grant. So YAY near free school at the low low price of poverty induced psychosis and bipolar disorder! So worth it YAYY!! Meritocracy at work finally YAY!!

But yes I'm a treatlerite, AI obsessed, tech/finance/MBIdiot

[tinylittlecubby]

Why are you using chatgpt to get through college. Why are you spending so much time and money on something just to be functionally illiterate and have zero new skills at the end of it all. Literally shooting yourself in the foot. If you want to waste thirty grand you can always just buy a sportscar.

[tinylittlecubby]

I absolutely LOVE where my body is at right now 🥰🥰🥰🥰

However, I want to get into sports like calisthenics and figure skating and badminton etc and I know i will end up losing more weight due to the increase in activity

So I am going to lose a little bit more weight so I can go into maintenance mode and focus on the sport itself rather than trying to manage both cause doing that before was fucking DIFFICULT!

[tinylittlecubby]

TAEMIN WORLD TOUR [Ephemeral Gaze] in Incheon Behind

[tinylittlecubby]

To those that like my rants and text posts despite all of my spelling mistakes:

[tinylittlecubby]

Something I've noticed about men that claim that they are lonely is that many of them, probably about 45% of them are not actually single. They are dating, engaged or straight up married. However, due to emotional self neglect and not knowing how to be in social spaces with others, both intimate and those with less emotional proximity, they self isolate first emotionally then mentally and then finally, physically.

[tinylittlecubby]

White Americans ... are terrified of sensuality and do not any longer understand it. The word “sensual” is not intended to bring to mind quivering dusky maidens or priapic black studs. I am referring to something much simpler and much less fanciful. To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread. ... Something very sinister happens to the people of a country when they begin to distrust their own reactions as deeply as they do here, and become as joyless as they have become. It is this individual uncertainty on the part of white American men and women, this inability to renew themselves at the fountain of their own lives, that makes the discussion, let alone elucidation, of any conundrum—that is, any reality—so supremely difficult. The person who distrusts himself has no touchstone for reality—for this touchstone can be only oneself. Such a person interposes between himself and reality nothing less than a labyrinth of attitudes. And these attitudes, furthermore, though the person is usually unaware of it (is unaware of so much!), are historical and public attitudes. They do not relate to the present any more than they relate to the person.

--James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time, 1963

[tinylittlecubby]

watching a movie at home circa like, 2001 was like

put your TV on channel 2 so the VCR will work

open up the clamp shell case that held the VHS that has that satisfying crrlikkkkkk

put in the movie

gdi it has to be rewound

press STOP and then rewind because its so much faster that way

start the movie and it takes a few seconds for the movie to actually start cause you rewound to the VERY beginning

FBI will get you if you illegally distribute or exhibit this movie

and then. because you forgot that movies are always so much louder than TV

COMING SOON TO OWN ON VIDEO AND DVD

QUICK LOWER THE VOLUME LOWER THE VOLUME LOWER THE VOLUME OH FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay crisis averted.

although. these ads are kind of quiet. a little hard to hear.....

better turn up the volume...

THX

[tinylittlecubby]

wave shapes / print

[tinylittlecubby]

I was deradicalizing my father for like 4 hours earlier today and he was saying a bunch of fox news garbage (and he said Fox News was his main news source) and during this freaking session I would sometimes use a British accent to dunk on the British or a southern accent when dunking on Americans when explaining colonization amongst other things AND IT WORKED I GOT HIM TO WATCH NOAM CHOMSKYS MANUFACTURING CONSENT AND HE LIKED IT A LOT HASAN I WILL NEVER QUESTION YOUR METHODS!!!

I very much could see him watching Hasan daily all day like me especially since it's something he could listen to in the background while working on his tech projects but also I dont really wanna share hasan either.

[tinylittlecubby]

That feeling when you finally get food in your body after not eating for days and you can literally feel you brain physically readjust, your body becomes flush by your blood sugar rising and the next 2 days is just constant diarrhea......

So uh, how's everyone's day so far?

[tinylittlecubby]

Negligence disgusts me. I am not an understanding person at all. I actually should probably not be involved in activism cause the amount of affective empathy people claim you need is a waste of time to me and those spaces don't like that at all.

Too many people that are in activism spaces ESPECIALLY online are too focused on optics and not actually doing any work or actually changing circumstances

[tinylittlecubby]

You should make your own version of christianity that’s truer and better than all the other versions

waiiitt omg youre so right do you think ill be the first one to do that??? probably right??