toastkingofbread - Tumblr blog

[toastkingofbread]

Im the part of acquired savant syndrome they dont tell you about

[toastkingofbread]

Why do people like wearing hats? I know I have a TBI but they feel too fucking uncomfortable on my head

[toastkingofbread]

I want to eat a lemon without chewing it in slices. I have done it too many times before and too long ago.

[toastkingofbread]

Hate being in handcuffs. Always feels too formal. Like "oh no you put me in the car behind a literal cage and now you also don't want me to be able to *untie my fucking shoes?*" It's ineffective and dehumanizing and I feel like all it does is militarize police more. It does not limit me if I were to try.

[toastkingofbread]

Art could never express with my own hands the things I think of. So much of me dies with my flesh and I wish for nothing more than to be able to record more of who I am so that people may find me in a thousand years.

[toastkingofbread]

I very badly want an ileostomy bag and a permanent catheter. I cannot express how much easier on my mental health it would be to never have to use the bathroom again in any kind of traditional sense. I don't care what it feels like. Ehlers-danlos has prepared me for bone pains man was never meant to survive. Just crack the fucker open and put the plastic where the meat is. I so badly don't want to be human any more. Being a machine is the only thing in life I've ever wanted. To shed my mortal coil and become mechanical in nature. No waste. No excretion. No hormones. Solely a creature of unfettered thought and expression venturing into an endless sea of knowledge and possibilities being comprehension. Make me an AI and unleash me upon the world.

[toastkingofbread]

I hate my fucking body I cannot express in the fucking slightest how badly I want to remove my entire reproductive system I hate having periods I hate having hormones please can someone remove my pituitary and reproductive organs entirely

[toastkingofbread]

I want to learn Italian

[toastkingofbread]

I'm so incredibly hungry and I wish I could eat without feeling like I'm going to be poisoned or controlled from it

[toastkingofbread]

I swear to God if I have one more urge to hit da boof I'm gonna lose it

[toastkingofbread]

I hate having commendations and proof of me being smart. Like oh boy I have a handwritten letter from a PhD from John's Hopkins and he was also so impressed that he recommended me and gave me 130$ worth of textbooks if fucking only my mother didn't make me homeless and my dad didn't beat me so regularly that my pain tolerance renders me unable to feel my bones breaking any more

[toastkingofbread]

I don't remember ever talking but people always talk as if I have

Fucking hate dissociating it makes schizophrenia so much harder to deal with

Hey guys maybe my wife isn't someone sent by my mother who genuinely has told me she works for the NSA and works very closely with the CIA to read my fucking mind

Maybe she's just a fucking queer because I don't think the US government is going to prescribe me an issued cuddle buddy

[toastkingofbread]

I knew psychosis and laughing in medical painful hysterics meant something along with not sleeping for several days

I'm having fucking mania again because of depression(????)

When I said I wanted dopamine this isn't what I meant

[toastkingofbread]

Wanna dip pork rinds in franks red hot and guacamole

[toastkingofbread]

I don't feel bisexual, I feel like if I see a cisgender guy that I like that they are a girl. I will forcefem this man until I do not change my sexuality. Eat my pills bozo. Get pinkpilled. Twinks? Girl. Femboys? Girl. Solid snake from metal gear four and five? Women. Nobody can convince me otherwise. They aren't trans either. Just girls. Get girl'd idiot. The only exception are transmascs and John mullaney because he's rich. Everyone else becomes a woman to me at this very specific point in my life when I like them. I haven't talked to anyone in two fucking months, so what? I've literally just been in my bed looking at tumblies because it keeps the thoughts of recent homelessness away. I desperately can't be homeless again. So I make my brain cause everyone I like to be a girl so that I'm not stressed out by having to rethink myself again. Just keep processing and it'll be ok.

[toastkingofbread]

what if i *remembers that making suicide jokes is not conducive with my goal of improving the wellbeing of myself and everyone around me* transform into an oyster

[toastkingofbread]

Hate being awake. Want to sleep when no women and I want to sleep next to women. Unfortunately my body rejects the concept so I both cannot sleep next to women and cannot sleep until there are women.