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I say no worries a lot for someone who worries 101% of the time

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Sun rays shine on the warm breath of a polar bear.

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My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin” -After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human” -After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket” -Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call -One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.  -After spooning me: “You have a nice butt” -”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying) -”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying) -Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue -One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue -One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence -And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”

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being a macroorganism is so stressful. i want to know what my cells are doing. I don’t like how unsupervised they are

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“The concept is simple. Take a blank sheet with nothing but the basic outline of a pinup girl and illustrate a unique scene around her.”

Art by David Jablow

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I relate to the phrase “chillin like a villain” because it shows that I’m calm but also ready to sin

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My 51 year old therapist mother LOVES Pokemon go

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How tf California in a dtougbt

There’s water to the left of y'all Like Go get it. It’s always been there.

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are we human?

or

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My heart says yes but my vocal range says no

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my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

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