tol-skirt

[tol-skirt]

pro tip : walking up to a stranger to tell them "wow you're so hot you literally give me dysphoria because I'll never look like you" would be incredibly fucked up! surprisingly, considering the amount of people doing this exact thing in my tags and my ask box, it is also incredibly fucked up to do it online!!

[tol-skirt]

i genuinely GENUINELY find the transandrophobia debate to be fucking enraging. as a transmasc person: obviously!! yes, we are privileged over transfems!! transmisogyny is completely unignorable, no matter where i look!!

the most glaring instance of this is how both myself and my younger sibling identify as nonbinary, with the only difference being our enforced sex at birth. we both live in the same house, have gone through the same upbringing with the same transphobic and abusive parent, and we have very similar internal experiences of our personal gender identities. despite this, my sibling still faces a significant amount more difficulty than i do, PURELY because they are transfem and i am transmasc. in fact, most of the abuse i receive from our mother is not because of my own queerness but rather because of my willingness to stand up and defend my sibling from her, and because she holds me as personally responsible for having influenced them into becoming transgender. if i chose to remain silent, or if i chose to play along with her, i would no longer be a primary target!! while, obviously, my sibling has no choice to opt out!

and it's not just one abusive old transphobe doing this, because i have seen the same pattern repeat itself over and over again, across the spectrum of trans men and women that i know and love. i have seen t4t couples where the man abuses his female partner, in ways that i can only describe as being textbook misogynistic - and their mutual friends all take his side, purely because they believe her to be an inherently aggressor due to her transfemininity. in fact, when she faces transmisogynistic abuse from OTHER people in the community, he does not bother to stand up for her and instead reinforces to her that they are correct and that she deserves what is happening, that in fact she should shelve this to focus on HIS issues. the only time he even bothers to acknowledge that his behavior is abusive is when he's confronted by a mutual transmasc friend, and this does not actually push him to change meaningfully behind closed doors - he only cares that it was noticed, not that it happened.

even on a smaller, "insignificant" scale, i have watched transmasc and nonbinary fans of media talk at great length about their transmasc headcanons, only to then get uncomfortable and upset when a transfem fan says that she relates to one of the characters. they insult her repeatedly, and tell her that she is being pushy and rude, making THEM uncomfortable for doing something that they have all been doing for weeks and months on end. (and, when i stand up for her, i am treated with equal disrespect - but afterwards, i'm the one who people apologize to. not her.)

over and over and over and over, from tiny interpersonal conflicts to intimate partner violence to parental abuse, it is legitimately impossible not to recognize that society scrutinizes and punishes trans women harder than it does trans men. all it requires to see this fact is to know and love any transfem in a meaningful capacity, and it will become obvious. and yet these people, who are firsthand witnessing the transmisogyny around them, who are in some cases THEMSELVES enacting it against the women they proclaim to care about, will turn around and say that we are all equals. "we're all faggots in the eyes of the state," right? as if, by claiming this, it will somehow absolve them of the capability to do harm. as if this is not the equivalent of sticking your head into the sand and refusing to listen to a word coming out of a woman's mouth because you don't want to believe the things she has to say. because you don't want to believe that anyone could possibly have it harder up than you do.

and yet, somehow, even saying this will often be interpreted as its own form of "oppression" against transmascs. fix your hearts!! fix your fucking hearts!!! stand up for your fucking sisters or die! i'm going to turn into the joker

[tol-skirt]

i dislike discussion about passing because they seem to ignore that the majority of mankind cares about passing, it's just that cis people can do it with no effort. i promise you if a cis person lost their ability to pass effortlessly they would also start caring about passing

similarly a cis person doesn't see hormones as essential because they take them for granted. if their body not only suddenly stopped producing hormones, but started producing the ones associated with a gender that they don't want to be, they would think of hormones a essential

[tol-skirt]

Surprisingly, they actually acknowledged the reason for the age-dependent transition gender gap! (with sources)

❝Why is this happening? Trans misogyny is a unique type of discrimination trans girls and women face. It combines transphobia, the hatred for and discrimination against trans people, with misogyny, the prejudice and contempt towards women. The impact of trans misogyny is far-reaching. During adolescence, trans girls experience higher rates of bullying and victimisation than trans boys and cisgender peers. During adulthood, trans women remain at high risk of abuse and violence. They are also more likely to encounter housing discrimination, homelessness, unemployment and poverty than the general population. Faced with such daunting prospects, it seems much harder for trans girls to reveal their gender identity as adolescents at an already uncertain time of their lives.❞

(yes, the language and such is slightly off, the authors being medical professionals, gender specialists, but not, so far as I know, trans themselves—still, the whole article is very good in content and well-sourced)

[tol-skirt]

gonna be honest, a big part of the reason transmascs describing"transandrophobia" as experiences unique to them bugs me is because they always include rape or corrective rape and sexual assault, directly implying that transfems dont experience these things which is just. not only about as wrong as you can get, but also just incredibly disrespectful

[tol-skirt]

Ppl think being called ableist is just like a tumblr joke at this point & like..no maybe you should actually think for a few minutes about what you said & how disabled people fit into that narrative. Like was that person being oversensitive or did you genuinely not consider disabled people

[tol-skirt]

I’m reading a paper that uses the term re-transition as opposed to detransition and it crystallised a lot of my problems with the term. detransition implies an ability to return to the “default” “normal” cisgender body that lurks within all of us, just waiting to be re-excavated after a period of intentional (deceitful) burial, and a turning “back” or away from the freakish mutilation and “deviance” of transgender transition to a more natural, more authentic body - a body that can never be transformed, only temporarily cloaked by medicine and social trickery on the part of trans people

[tol-skirt]

it makes me so mad to see "trans infighting" being presented as a "both sides are culpable" issue when across the board, it goes: transfems being harassed by other trans people -> transfems calling out that harassment as being a product of transmisogyny (either to educate others or simply to vent about being a target of oppression) -> non-transfems getting defensive over that and responding with "erm.... guys.... we need to stop fighting each other ❤️ we are not enemies ❤️ we need to work together, we have bigger problems than this 😌" which 1) presents transmisogyny as not a problem worth addressing just because it comes from other trans people, and 2) presents the pushback against transmisogyny as equally bad to the initial transmisogyny. and that's just when the blame is split 50-50! there are people who act like the transfems in question are at fault completely!

[tol-skirt]

You can bet your ass that anybody who makes a sockpuppet account doesn't believe the things they're saying, otherwise they would have no problem attaching them to their main account. Sockpuppet accounts exist for one thing: harassment campaigns without consequence. It's the lowest grade of cowardice, not even standing by your beliefs.

[tol-skirt]

grown men will throw fits about how they face sooo much rejection and women would never get it meanwhile me and the girls who were even just like average or a lil ugly at like 12 years old were being treated like we were subhuman by peers and adults alike

[tol-skirt]

images of cats that are like this

[tol-skirt]

i love the 😌 and 😔 emojis so much because they convey such specific emotions, but also those emotions are absolutely not "relieved" and "pensive"

[tol-skirt]

there HAS to be a reason for this

[tol-skirt]

the minotaur mortar can deploy the beast anywhere youd like, but if you dont fire it into some sort of maze, the whole world will become his domain, and he is like really fucking hard to kill, so just keep that in mind

[tol-skirt]

now draw her vulnerable and slightly disheveled in a suit

[tol-skirt]

im so not okay holy fuck. im going to be fucking homeless in a month

[tol-skirt]

We need to do something about straight women's misery in their hetero relationships they're largely just resigned to living in I'm so serious. Can we try women's lib again can we liberate the women