toliveforitall

[toliveforitall]

[toliveforitall]

how tf do I tell my gf that I used to hurt myself

[toliveforitall]

found an old note I wrote when I was doing really bad and said “maybe I’d get to see bear again, that’d be good” and I just made myself cry reading that

[toliveforitall]

I WANT TO FUCKING HURT MYSELF BUT I CANT

[toliveforitall]

exploring my body (cutting deeper)

[toliveforitall]

Me @ my only brain cell:

so you're saying that if I starve for days, overdose, cut really really deep and end up hospitalized (hopefully in a coma)... people will love me, care about me and treat me with respect?

My only brain cell:

yes

[toliveforitall]

cutting on your hips makes pulling down your shorts kind of hard, like shit shit shit that hurts but that tiny part of your brain is saying “yes give me more give me more.”

[toliveforitall]

if it keeps me alive,

is it even so bad?

[toliveforitall]

I don’t know her birthday, she died a year ago today and our dads were best friends and I couldn’t do to her funeral and I don’t know her birthday

[toliveforitall]

god I want relapse so fucking bad

[toliveforitall]

what if? instead? I simply killed myself

[toliveforitall]

its fucking getting bad again

WHY IS IT GETTING BAD AGAIN?????

everything was FINE!!!!

[toliveforitall]

I AM ONE YEAR CLEAN FROM SELF HARM

[toliveforitall]

I am 11 months clean today and I don’t know why I want to cut so bad but I fucking do, I want to tear into my skin and feel control of the pain for one single minute

[toliveforitall]

this made me start fucking bawling, katie should have been there, she should be there

[toliveforitall]

sometimes I fucking hate my brain, like two white claws and my head just hurts, it hurts all the time and I fcking hate it

[toliveforitall]

jesus christ I forgot how much my drunk self wants to kms