tombofthemummy - Tumblr blog

[tombofthemummy]

Press E to do a "MUMMY DANCE"

[tombofthemummy]

Cursed Mummy, of all the traps you've ever laid in your pyramid to kill adventurers, which one is your favorite?

there's a big hallway of sandstone bricks on the floor and they have different SYMBOLS on them and you need to search around the PYRAMID to find the correct symbols and if you step on the wrong SYMBOL the FLAME TRAPS activate. Great fun for MUMMIES

[tombofthemummy]

Hello, Cursed Mummy. I have a question. Would you like a mechanical brass exo-skeleton to increase both your physical and metaphysical abilities? I can make one for free.

I would LOVE that. I believe that PHYSICAL ENHANCEMENTS are a great idea, as they will help me kill ADVENTURERS much more easily. However, BRASS will not suit me. Could you possibly make the mechanism out of GOLD encrusted with ANCIENT JEWELS and inscribed with HIEROGLYPHICS? You know, GOLD and BLUE stripes and such.

[tombofthemummy]

MY SKELETONS KEEP FALLING INTO THE TRAPS THAT I TOLD MY SKELETONS TO BUILD

[tombofthemummy]

I hold people in my UNDERGROUND TOMB PRISON

contempt has gotta be one of the top things to hold someone in. second perhaps only to your arms

[tombofthemummy]

Good to see you're back, cursed mummy. Did you do any renovations to your evil pyramid in your month of absence?

Well, I went on a JOURNEY to find a SENSE OF SELF. I wandered the DESERTS, processing LIFE and DEATH. Feeling the SAND between my fingers. Looking up to the SKY and wondering, WHO AM I? But after enough time of watching other people and pondering my PURPOSE, I found that no ARCHITECTURE or ACTIONS could truly represent who I am inside. I knew exactly who I was the whole time, it's just that there's no way of perfectly expressing it. I am a COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL. Realizing this helped me enjoy EXISTENCE much more.

Then I went back to my PYRAMID and added more skeletons

[tombofthemummy]

WHO THE HELL SAID THEY WERE YOURS

Hey, could you tell me the meaning of life? Asking for a friend.

gather all of my cursed amulets

[tombofthemummy]

Yeah if you step on the wrong tile you will be killed by ARROW TRAPS. Standard stuff. Just avoid the ones with the VERY LARGE IMPALED SKULL SYMBOL on them.

[tombofthemummy]

I know eons of history and this is something that I did not know. ANCIENT SECRETS continue to elude me.

did you guys know i was a homestuck blogger. before all of this. i actually started as a lord of the rings blogger. then found fame in my doctor who blog. then homestuck. i feel like a few of you were here for that,

[tombofthemummy]

I have GEMS and GOLD, and JOKES

[tombofthemummy]

Hello, great Mummy. This is a HANDGUN. It can kill any regular being with ONE TAP, including the WHITE PHARAOH. Do I have your confirmation to DO THE deed?

YES

[tombofthemummy]

Is that supposed to be a MUMMY? A MUMMY with BLUE EYES?

Fuck, it we ball > it’s joever

You heard it here y’all

[tombofthemummy]

what happened to your mind, pharaoh? how did you lose it? was it the brain hooks?

I would never allow myself to be subject to a fate such as the BRAIN HOOKS. Egyptians never, or at least not when I was ENTOMBED, removed the BRAIN from a mummy.

No, I ripped that thing out myself in a PARTICULARLY INTENSE INSTANCE OF PURE HATRED OF THE FACT I CANNOT DIE. I bounced it around like a basketball before it crumbled to ASH.

[tombofthemummy]

Return the slab - return the slab! Raaaamses!

Man I don't like RAMSES very much at all. Not a cool guy. His SLAB is either somewhere in my TREASURE ROOM or in a MUSEUM placed by an ADVENTUROUS WHITE MAN. And I really don't care about his CURSE either because. well. I'm already CURSED

[tombofthemummy]

Want GOLDEN IDOLS? Only got CURSED ones.

[tombofthemummy]

THE WHITE PHARAOH

This man (The WHITE PHARAOH) is the one being that I hate the most in the world.

His horrific antics exceed any kind of annoyance I have ever felt towards anyone, HUMAN or otherwise, LIVING or otherwise, PHARAOH or otherwise, WHITE or otherwise. His existence is an atrocity on the concept of being a PHARAOH.

1: HIS UNJUST WAYS

I myself am an EVIL MUMMY, often killing people for fun and to defend my TOMB. However, the WHITE PHARAOH does far worse things for far worse reasons. His continued enslavement of people with MINIMUM WAGE for the sole purpose of building more PYRAMIDS is awful, and he likely thinks of himself as a good person.

2: HIS IMMEASURABLE GREED

Any PHARAOH will tell you that all you need is 1 good PYRAMID. So why does he want more? My one PYRAMID has a COMBAT ARENA, a GIANT PIT, a BAR, a SARCOPHAGUS CHAMBER, a PUZZLE ROOM, and much, much more. What more could the WHITE PHARAOH want from hundreds of PYRAMIDS? He is going to sell CHARCUTERIE BOARDS and WINE in shops in the PYRAMIDS? He is going to sleep in 100 TOMBS? It sickens me. His GREED for PYRAMIDS is horrendous.

3: HIS LIES

I know for a FACT that the WHITE PHARAOH is not, will not be, and has never been a real PHARAOH. His HEADDRESS was stolen from a TOMB, and he has never been to EGYPT. His insistence that he is The WHITE PHARAOH comes from a twisted view of EGYPTIAN SOCIETY that he wishes to appropriate. His OBSESSION with PYRAMIDS has spurred him to build an EMPIRE of LIES so he can control more of the world in unjust ways.

4: WHITE

The WHITE PHARAOH says things like "aw shucks," calls people "Pal," and is always eating some CHEESE AND CRACKERS. It isn't morally reprehensible, but it is very annoying. There are few people WHITER than the WHITE PHARAOH in his irritating mannerisms of the ANGLO-SAXONS. Normally, I would be okay with someone being so WHITE, but in conjunction with his AWFUL PERSONALITY and EVIL WAYS, it becomes far worse.

5: HIS MUMMY DISCRIMINATION

Some may recall that in a PRESS CONFERENCE, the WHITE PHARAOH stated that he would not be MUMMIFIED because it's "gross and ugly." As a MUMMY, I found myself terribly offended. But to make matters worse, he constantly alludes to his HATRED OF MUMMIES elsewhere. In the televised HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION MEETING of the WHITE PHARAOH'S EMPIRE, he gave an entire speech about how PHARAOHS should not be MUMMIFIED, and every PHARAOH that is now a MUMMY should be unraveled and buried in a CEMETERY like "normal people." He mentioned ANIMATED MUMMIES as one of the worst things of all time, and said that every MUMMY who is alive in any way (like ME) should be KILLED. I need not elaborate how terrible of a person this makes him.

THE WHITE PHARAOH SHOULD BE HATED BY ALL

I know that when the WHITE PHARAOH dies, for a reason that I hope is me KILLING him myself, or some other extremely painful event, ANUBIS will be waiting for him. When his HEART is placed on the SCALE, it will be so heavy and drop with such force that it will immediately SLAM into the GROUND, shaking the EARTH in the LAND OF THE DEAD and catapulting the FEATHER into the sky.

The WHITE PHARAOH deserves nothing that he has. His POWER, his WEALTH, his HEADDRESS. He is worthy of none of them. The WHITE PHARAOH is a truly horrible being and I wish nothing but the most painful suffering on him for eternity.

I hope each and every one of his PYRAMIDS falls and crumbles into SAND scattered across the houses of the UTAH SUBURBS.

Words cannot describe how much I hate the WHITE PHARAOH.

[tombofthemummy]

listen. youre not white. and im not white. but theres this guy over here who keeps trying to hit my line and im going to need a favor from one pharaoh to another. tell the mf White Pharaoh to get off my damn desert

The WHITE PHARAOH is my worst enemy of all time. I have much much more to say but my body is so consumed with RAGE that I cannot type any of it out currently. I hope to turn him into BLEEDING SAND.