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the thing about being higher support needs is that if you're stuck in an abusive/neglectful household you're stuck because nobody who wants to can take you because they can't afford to take care of you, and nobody who can wants to because they don't want to take care of you physically

group homes are both expensive and potentially abusive

and ssi isn't viable when your caregiver won't fucking do it and you can't do it

if you give me "advice" about this i will come to your house and shatter your phone/computer screen. 211 is fucking useless, shelters are dangerous, and i don't actually want my autonomy confiscated by adult protective services thanks

the only way i'm getting out of here is if another fucking person takes responsibility for me and gets me out of here.

i wanted to make a point but i'm too fucking mad

disabled people who can't get themselves out fucking die

disabled people who can't get themselves out fucking die

disabled people who can't get themselves out fucking die

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oh hell yeah

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disabled people who do not directly "contribute" to society and need large amounts of care and resources to survive deserve not only to survive but to have comfort, stability, and fun within their lives while they do. no compromises.

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Like many people when they first learn about CDDs and question having a CDD, I was really frustrated and confused at people's explanations of how they "knew" they switched and how they supposedly knew an alter was an alter.

One thing I remember a lot of people saying when I would ask them "how do you know you switched?" was "I just know/I can just tell" and similar kinds of things.

I always felt like "Me", I "never felt different", and I never ""felt like I switched"" or something, and I took that as evidence that I wasn't switching and didn't have DID.

Now that my dissociation has lessened as much as it has, I have completely understood what they mean now. It isn't a feeling I had before - or, maybe I did and just didn't realize it lmfao.

But it's a million times easier to know I've switched now, and I can't explain it in any other way beyond... I just Know I've switched. It's just a Feeling that you Know it happened.

It's also way easier to just.. Accept things as they are. Accept switches, accept Alters As Alters, instead of denying it first and deciding I couldn't declare an alter an alter unless I "knew for sure."

It's really nice.

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every time I mention how many days sober I am I appreciate people congratulating me and telling me to keep up the good work. it is nice. but I also wish that milestones in addiction recovery weren’t still so pinned to length of sobriety/abstinence

yeah yeah I’m 50 days sober who cares. how about the fact that, when I do drink, it tends to be nipped in the bud after two days nowadays instead of weeks or months? how about the fact that drinking has been condensed to a six pack because I’m at the end of my tether, instead of browning out every night? how about my friend who has decided to stop drinking alone, and is actually sticking to that? recovery doesn’t always look like sobriety and I wish it was more normal to talk about that. yknow. when addiction is normal to talk about at all

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sometimes i handle a stressful situation and think "omg my therapist is going to be so proud"

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child abuse survivors seeing a child in public: “omg i hope they’re not getting abused”

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oh yeah i'm just kinda in a weird mood rn now haha

and by mood i mean

well

heh heh

let's just say

alters

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International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (2011): Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults, Third Revision

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There is something so, so specific to me about growing up as a child having fibromyalgia, but not knowing it.

I always thought that the way my body feels and how sensitive I am to touch was normal, was what everybody feels. I couldn't fathom how many people were happy to take walks every so often, I couldn't fathom people who would do things like gardening or other stuff like that because I couldn't understand how they just dealt with the pain.

I would react so, so easily to just a poke because it hurts and my brother would shame me for it and scoff, like the idea that just poking me hurt me was so ridiculous and stupid to him and he was convinced I was lying.

Even when I'd watch cartoons and watch characters do certain activities, I'd just be thinking about how much horrible pain I'd be in if I had done them.

Idk, I feel like so much of fibromyalgia discussions are from people who developed it later in life, but I grew up like this (this is a neutral statement and not meant to be interpreted as downplaying the experiences of those who developed it later in life).

The more I think about my fibromyalgia nowadays, the more bitter I feel tbh. Especially when using my wheelchair. Even when I have a wheelchair now, I'm always devastated by being unable to do something because it's not accessible. Even going on walks through the forest trails are only sometimes accessible - can't go down a path if it's too rocky, too much dirt, too steep, and so on. Like, nature isn't even accessible sometimes.

I feel so angry and upset and bitter that I have spent my whole life like this, I just wish I didn't have any chronic pain. I wish I could go outside and have fun and do fun things for long periods of time without being in excruciating pain the entire time and the next week following it.

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Speaking as a survivor of child sex abuse: the world would be a lot better if yall spent less time talking about the ways in which pedophiles should be punished and more time supporting survivors and preventing abuse

I get it, punishment can feel cathartic. I’ve certainly spent time imagining all the ways in which my own abuser might be punished. But ultimately, him dying, or being jailed, or publicly shamed, isn’t actually going to help me nor will it stop more kids from getting hurt in the future.

I don’t want more prisoners. I want free therapy with trauma informed counselors. I want better sex education for young children that teaches them about consent and body autonomy. And I want a society in which I can openly discuss my trauma, or at least as openly as yall discuss the evils of pedophiles

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btw if you’re fat and your partner doesn’t love you wholeheartedly, if they’re attracted to you “despite” your body, if they avoid touching you, if they look away from certain parts of you, you’re allowed to break up with that person. look at me. you can do better. you are not unloveable and you don’t have to settle i fucking promise.

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Finally met up with like an ED specialist place.

I'm in the process of trying to sign up for disability benefits so I can better pay for it (since it's entirely out of pocket costs) and so far the plan is that I'll be seeing a therapist here as well. The person I spoke to also agreed that what I'm struggling with doesn't really had a "name" and I agreed lol (been calling it ARFID for a while because it was the closest that related of course). She even knew some stuff about DID, so that was cool.

First big step to hopefully starting to get help for all of this.. Whatever it is.

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People with DID will literally unknowingly display DID symptoms and be like "I've somehow tricked my therapist into believing I have DID. I've just somehow subconsciously without realizing it faked all the symptoms and been convincing enough to convince them that I have DID"

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I've been in what I guess I'll call a "pause" period, where... I guess I have been living my life the way I would live it had I never been diagnosed with DID, or known about it or the possibility of having it.

And in a lot of ways, I do generally just "forget" that I have DID. It's not really on my mind at all. I could tell you with a straight face that I don't switch, I don't experience amnesia, and I don't dissociate. I don't experience flashbacks.

But now I sit here and remember that this is how it has always been for me - before the disgnosis, before suspecting I have DID, and even still now - so having my diagnosis now, why would that change? Why would I suddenly be different just because I'm disgnosed with it? If I'm to believe I have DID, then, well, yeah, this what it's like for me.

It's suffering years of severe depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, low self-worth, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feelings, and attempts, being in psychiatric hospitals, friendship and relationship problems, loneliness and isolation, chronic pain, generally having various chronic mystery physical health problems. It's not having a life history, being unemployed due to my various mental and physical health disabilities. I could go on.

For some people, this also includes struggling with eating disorders, having a history of problems with the law, struggling alcohol & drug addictions, suffering with other mental health conditions like OCD, personality disorders, etc.

Having DID and trying to convince yourself you have it means having a continuous battle with the ways DID is talked about online and in media and the ways people misunderstand DID in general as "distinct, separate people taking over (The Main Person A.K.A Host)."

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Our therapist shared something today: at a DID conference she attended last year (at the Bowlby centre) they were told that it can take at least 7 years in therapy for DID clients to get to a point where they can start to tolerate trauma processing. It made some of us feel better about the speed of our progress so I just thought I'd share that in case it reassures anyone else.

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i dont think i will ever forgive what the internet did to DID because please explain to me how "your sense of self is so torn apart you think youre multiple people" turned into "youre actually multiple people"

do you understand what i mean? please understand what i mean