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[toomuchaj-blog]

At my funeral, I don’t want you to say how “wonderful, talented and well spoken” I was. No. I want you to tell them that I was a mess. That I was beautiful chaos; destroying everything I touched but leaving no wreckage. Tell them about how many hearts I broke, how many dreams I invaded, how many enemies I made. I want them to know that I scorched the ground with my feet and raised tidal waves with my soul. I want them to know what a natural disaster I really was. I don’t want to be mourned. I want to be remembered.

My letter (via fuckinghalloweeaboo)

I don't feel so well

[toomuchaj-blog]

Why Skye Survived: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Episode 14

Amateur Fan Here

My theory on how Skye survived:

GH 325 is a chemical that allows for spontaneous regeneration; something that was extracted from the alien creature found in the Guest House. Seeing that it did not have any adverse effects on Skye means that her body did not reject the foreign substance because it did not see it as a threat; or foreign at all. The same way humans can easily be transfused with blood so long as it is of the same type.

Meaning, Skye is possibly a child of a Human and an alien. I say mix because of the fact she was able to retain a human form. THIS IS THE REASON WHY SHE'S SO CLASSIFIED. They've had aliens before but never really a mix between a human and an alien. Meaning that the possibility of cross breeding to further human evolution was now possible and Skye is proof of that. That is why she's so valuable.

[toomuchaj-blog]

I keep delaying my final requirement as an undergraduate. Maybe it's because I know that the moment I submit that hardbound thesis, I have to face the fact that I must now move on to another chapter of my life.

To all the graduating students out there

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And when you've strengthened your walls to allow no enemy in, who do you go to when the cracks are within?

Quotes from my archive

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um, hi, can we please talk about the greatest american ice dancers right now

no, i do not mean davis and white

i mean THE SHIBUTANIS

THIS ROUTINE IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

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Take my feels and never give it back!

forest fire.

[toomuchaj-blog]

Love that exists to love. Oreimo Ending

A fleeting memory...

GOD, I can't believe I'm still crying. Good thing it's 2am and everyone is fast asleep. I didn't read the original novel so please bear with me for those who did. I just need to put into words the waterfall that gushed out of my eyes (I typed this as a comment to the site where I watched the ending so no I'm not just copy-pasting):

SPOILER ALERT:

The moment I found out that they promised to return to being "normal siblings" after graduation, I cried a river of man tears. Why? Because it showed that no matter how deep their love was, they were still bound by the standards of society, a reality that they could not escape.

At the same time, it showed us how their love was definitely true to begin with. Kyousuke refused the love of the other four girls to relish what he had with his sister, even though it was only temporary. "Breaking up" I believe was their way of truly showing their love for one another as they don't want each other to suffer through the unforgiving eyes of society. They chose not to be "in love" but to simply "love" each other as siblings.

Sorry. Too emotional to add anything. I just found the ending really moving. In the end we can only guess (or I'm guessing but you guys already know) whether the author wrote this to: 1. Thicken the plot and give an amazing last minute twist for the readers. 2. Return to the standards of society which prohibits marriage between siblings.

In the end, I am writing this as a reminder to future me of how deeply moved I was by the ending of this anime. I hope you still feel the same way as I do, future me. :)

[toomuchaj-blog]

Pikachu, I choose yo- ...wait what?

My mind did not even process the whole PETA sign on the upper left nor the fact that the subtitle was "Gonna Free 'Em All" to realize what kind of game I was gonna be playing. The badly beaten Pikachu with a chain collar was enough to tell me what was gonna happen next; an exaggerated Pokemon version where they finally rebelled against their trainers. Maybe also because I had actually thought about that as a possibility a couple of times while charging my Gameboy/Nintendo DS.

It was the iconic Pikachu leading the charge against the slavery of Pokemon; complete with menacing trainers who are opposed the whole idea of letting Pokemons be. At the end of the game Pikachu battles Ash, the series protagonist whose dream is to become the greatest Pokemon Master. Before and every after a battle there are long discussions, with the Pokemons hitting the sympathetic points and speaking about the horrible life they are forced to live with. Touché PETA, that was actually pretty entertaining.

The target demographic was pretty obvious. Although my estimate may be a little off, it's probably hitting people within the Childhood-Adolescent age who may or may not play Pokemon. Those who do not play the game are also targets since a young impressional bracket who does not really play the game may be easier to influence. Although the Young Adulthood bracket can still be placed here since the game has been around for more than 15 years, I did not include them because:

The particular age group is obviously "intelligent" enough to not be persuaded by something they just played for a couple of minutes.

The Pokemon used to advertise the cause are more recent generation ones. Pikachu is the only First Generation Pokemon on the list since "he" (Yes, Ash's Pikachu is a boy, go read up) is the franchise's cover boy. Which means they are targeting a younger age range.

As I said on a previous paragraph, Pikachu is on a mission to stop the violence against his kind and just let them live their lives. The game parody is basically protesting how trainers treat their Pokemons; forcing them to fight each other, making them live inside tight pokeballs, etc. The game showed a lot of blood (Which is never shown in the anime/game) and depictions of cruelty like choke collars, trainers carrying knives and injections, and another trainer who was wearing what looked like a long coat made of Pokemon skin. It's a whole contradiction of what the series was trying to show; a young protagonist who treats his Pokemons with love and respect, battling those who use them for evil, inhumane purposes.

As a child who was able to see the birth of one of the biggest gaming franchise in history, I find this exaggerated excuse for marketing purposes very insulting. The very first thing I played in my Gameboy Color was Pokemon Blue (Legend of Zelda in my old Black and White Gameboy).

As a young gamer, there was nothing better than seeing my Pokemon level up and evolve to become stronger allies. At the same time I was watching series every single week. I remember staring at the TV Screen with awestruck eyes as Pikachu thunderbolts Team Rocket away. I remember crying when Ash let his Butterfree go after it found itself a mate. In fact, Pokemon was one of the main reasons why I wanted to have pets in the house. No, I didn't made them fight. I played with them every single day and treated them as family; the same way Ash did to Pikachu and all the Pokemon he captured.

An amazing success like Pokemon is bound to take serious flak both from people who care about certain aspects of society being portrayed in the game and idiots who wants to milk GameFreak by creating over-analyzed ideologies which they use to influence others (or other idiots). Like what we learned in class, there are some things that are there just because; with no other hidden meaning behind it. At the same time, text--once opened to media by its creator--gains a life of its own and is subjected to the interpretation of people.

As someone who has played the game without worrying whether or not I'll suddenly feel the urge to stuff my pet Shih Tzu in a small ball and force it to fight a Doberman Pinscher for a gym badge, I feel that the crazy criticism of the exaggerated parody is far from being justified. It created a whole new biosphere inside the Pokerealm that depicted a "what if" scenario of the series/game. In the same way, I can easily create these scenarios for every single game or series out there and use it for my cause.

With the notion that everything is open to interpretation, over-the-top brainwashers like this are bound to show up. The trick is to not over-analyze. Play the game!

[toomuchaj-blog]

A Chocobo Ride to Fantasy

I closed my lights and concentrated. Slowly, I gathered mana into my very system, getting ready to unleash a deadly Thundaga spell. I approached the door and peaked through the hole--he was gone. 

Right now I'm still hoping that he just got the wrong room, but the creepy scenario earlier just flashed crazy thoughts in my head. Yes, even the outrageous lightning spell; anything that'll ease my mind and let the thoughts flow. Ironically, it did help me gather my thoughts; formulating this new concoction of a blog.

So where is all these seemingly random thoughts merged into an explosive bubble going? In 2010, Square Enix released the next installment to one of the most successful franchises in gaming history; Final Fantasy XIV Online. Forget about RPG, XIV's all about the MMO. It got everyone going crazy but it was never really officially released in the Philippines so boo hoo. I only found out about it this month and I read the reviews:

“Square Enix's laborious online role-playing game is a step backward for the genre.” – Kevin VanOrd, Gamespot.com

“Patches over the course of the next few months may address many of the technical issues, but for now this is not a world worth visiting.” – Charles Onyett, Ign.com

“The kindest thing that can be said about the Final Fantasy MMO is that it has a good intro movie.” – Tom Senior, pcgamer.com

Basically… it sucked. It did not deliver. So in the end we had a highly anticipated game that did not meet expectations and a mob of angry gamers who felt that they were betrayed. So what happened next? World War III? Not really, something a little less radical and a little more amazing. The company decided to revamp the whole thing and start from scratch. To salvage the name which is Final Fantasy. XIV is basically Square Enix’s baby; they basically did everything and they want to make sure that pays off. And so anytime this first quarter of the year, FFXIV 2.0: A Realm Reborn will be released.

So what brought an entire company down to its knees, apologizing in the way of making a supposed better version of a game that players found insulting and unworthy of the name Final Fantasy? So what if a bunch of online gamer geeks are bashing the game and calling it mediocre (well, to put it nicely)? So what if I cringed at the sight of gameplay videos with amazing graphics but sh*tty everything else?

^Point of the matter is, we can no longer ask questions like these. And even though as consumers, players do always have a say on what they want, it’s just an amazing thing that now we’re actually moving an entire company to REDO AN ENTIRE GAME JUST FOR US! The entire team responsible for the 2010 abomination is willing to redeem itself TO US!! Isn’t that just entirely amazing? Naoki Yoshida is just doing an amazing job trying to get things right and redeem the game and return it back on top of the pedestal.

Dear god, I'm gonna need a new laptop for this one

We did not just negotiate a new patch with this one; we got an entire game back as an apology. All that awaits us are the results we are longing for. And basing on all the sneak peaks and screen shots from alpha testers, I have my hopes up again.

This is not just about a company redeeming itself to the gaming community. This is the gaming community’s voice; echoes from a cry once thought unheard. This is a victory for all of us. A victory… that we can’t rejoice yet until we see the game itself. LOL!

[toomuchaj-blog]

Working at 1am... without coffee

To be honest, my entry into the realm of pixel media is not really the best memory to tell people or my kids when all this becomes obsolete 20-30 years from now (virtual reality maybe). The temptation was just too strong so I immediately joined the bandwagon. I hated being out of the circle of know-it-all's so I typed the Friendster url and viola! However, I was really young at that time so I thought it would be like how I make my characters in my games. Yes, you guessed it right; I made a female persona with a bunch of made-up facts and a picture that wasn't mine (You, my curious friend will never be able to find it). It wasn't until I realized people actually added each other and looked at each other's profile that I changed everything into an incomplete copy of my--a digital identity.

  Look at the time. You crammer!

As you can see, some of my tabs are pretty mainstream. I got my Facebook account which is always the first thing I open. My Twitter account's also up with my Tumblr (as I am making my blog real late). Then there are the other sites that keep me up til the wee hours.

Shall I name a few? ( NBA, My daily dose of anime, Procrastination Box, My Little Gambling Help)

I am but a slave to a structure that has completely consumed my entirety. To the point that when I wake up in the morning, I click open my laptop first before doing anything else. We've been assimilated into a bowl of predetermined actions that is simply too difficult to break away from. One good example of this is during the 1st sem, Facebook deleted my account because it believe that I have multiple accounts (dummy accounts) which is a breach of our online contract which nobody reads. For a few days I thought I'd see how life was without my FB open. However, I realized that I not only rely on FB for all my updates on relevant people I stalk, most of my classes have FB groups which stockpiles info into a one-click url. In the end I had to make a new one, start over, and return to my zombified life of digital media reliance.

You may wanna ask yourself, are you truly free? Or do you merely conform into the fabric of your society. B.F. Skinner said that everything is but a stimulus-response interaction; there is no romanticize level of choice or whatever you wanna indulge yourself into.

When you decided to assimilate into the social reality of digital media, did you truly choose that action? Or was it merely a response to the stimulus at hand? And if you decide to remove your reliance on this new breed of social media to prove me wrong, did you truly choose that action? Or was it merely a response to the stimulus at hand?

[toomuchaj-blog]

On Games and Gamers...

"At the end of the day I am the work I produce, not a pair of boobs." - Christine Phelan; Game Developer at Valve

This is not original. This is not new. And frankly, you may even call it outdated. Yet the clash of critical theories and the testosterone-dominated world of gaming brings nothing else to my mind except for the rare and endangered species called "Gamer Girls" (Well that's a bit stretched out, they apparently represent 46% of the gamer population).

But what about them? What about the two most amazing words ever combined into an ingenious spectrum of rainbow puking unicorns? So much to talk about so we'll go straight to the wildfire. Just last November 17, a game designer by the name of Luke Crane went ahead and asked on twitter, "Why are there so few lady game creators?". Obviously this sparked a debate explosive enough to finish filming the entire stretch of The Expendables 3. It then turned into a hashtag "#1reasonwhy" which drew the attention of many gamers, bloggers and personas in the industry.

And one of the craziest ones I saw...

And now the contents of the urn which men sealed in the sea of used stim packs, magazine casings and Mario mushrooms has finally been revealed; Bigotry, Sexism, Stereotyping, Social Harassment and a week old underwear. The Sylvester Stallone world of gaming must now answer to its crimes and the question long forgotten – when will it all stop?

I am guilty. YOU are guilty. And probably a majority (Like 99.9%) of all male gamers who will read this are guilty of some form of this intolerable behavior against gamer girls in general. And I won't lie, subtle forms of this may continue to leave my mouth and thoughts as the whole genre is a part of the Grand Schema of Male Gaming Culture. And yet many of us don't stop to listen. As the majority ruling over the industry, we let the women "adjust and evolve" to the situation. Survival of the Fittest is what happens. The weak become fodder and the survivors are numbed from the reality of slurs and insults.

Another is that there is an underlying fear that cripples the male intention to take initiative. Fear that to welcome them as equals will be like taking the last piece in the bottom of a Jenga tower; everything else will come crashing down afterwards. The fear is so intense that we must resolve to social violence in order to protect the remaining piece that's keeping the entire system from falling apart.

Another construct we do not want challenged is the separation of reality and the "gaming world". It's regression at its finest. Nothing is stopping us from acting like uncivilized cavemen bashing each others heads and spouting slurs and insults towards one another. It's a total escape from a system that disallows mistreatment due to gender.

We may even look at the Gaming Industry itself. The big time makers in the field (such as Blizzard, Valve, Bioware etc..); what have they been doing to fight this cruel reality? Are they even doing anything significant? Or is the industry blinded by the flash of cash that their main market (MEN) gives them that the need for social change in gaming culture is put aside; pinned in the refrigerator marked "Urgent". I do not know and I did not delve into it. That is for another article due another sunny day.

This is not original. This is not new. And frankly, there are more appealing custard-filled articles that have been recently published. Most of what I say are but chunks of words bitten off each of them. So my conclusion will be short. My conclusion will come clean.. There is a need for change in the very foundation of our gaming culture. This is just as serious as any racial equality or anti-elitism issue. The moment we stop saying "But I'm just another gamer" and start cleaning our act, that is the time the change begins.

This is not me "White Knighting" the "Damsel-in-Distress" stereotype. This is me addressing the reality of the situation. This is me stating the facts. This is not about them. This is about us. This is about our world..OUR GAMING WORLD!

[toomuchaj-blog]

Would you like some Bacon with that?

As someone who has already tried gaming marathons (Sleepless Diablo III, Guild Wars II and other RPG nights), I would expect myself to form a solid bias with regards to our reliance to the computer screen. And yet I realized that even with all the benefits of this digital reality, abuse of any kind to anything truly does bring out the worst in all of us. 

          As much as I love computers and that Cyanide picture I posted, this new media I believe has proven itself too powerful to be controlled by just any human. In fact, it is the other way around for a lot of people. The crazy indulgence to this bittersweet has been so widespread that we actually had to create Computer Addiction Therapy. How ironic is it that we are being controlled—in a sense—by a bunch of compiled data?

The Terminator ain't even here yet!

          And you may say to yourself, “I’m not one of those people”. Well that’s not even half of the problem. In fact, psychologists have been studying our Online Reality and the way it affects us for years now; most of these studies, well...not so good. I mean, 1k friends in reality might mean that you're a truly friendly guy; maybe an extrovert who truly loves to meet new people. But it's not really the same with that 1k Facebook Friends you've been piling up. In fact, it could even be detrimental to your social skills (if you even had any).

          I love computers. I think that it’s one of the most amazing technologies created so far (Still waiting for a virtual reality platform which they said will be released soon). However, a balance between our two realities must always be maintained. This “computer screen” culture, which has bridged thousands and thousands of miles and has converted years of experience to minutes of online searching, has been an amazing help to all of us. Yes, I do adhere to this type of culture. But again, we should not abuse it.

          …Seriously, not fun. My eyes were all red and I ended up having insomnia and after all that I would end up sleeping for like 20 hours straight. You wake up, it's still night time! Just Moderate!!

[toomuchaj-blog]

Tidbits of our digital reality

·         A count from my Data Bank:

               I've been a slave of the digital world for as long as I can remember. I've had my first video game when I was four years old. It was a Playstation 1 (Well back then it was only Playstation) that my grandfather who lived abroad sent me. Crash Bandicoot, Tekken 1 & 2 and Siphon Filter are some of the games that really ran my childhood.

From then onwards it was just an all out reliance on digital media. My dad was a real sucker for gadgets and he took an interest in the world of cellular phones (remember Nokia 3210, Alcatel and those other old phones). After a while he decided to start selling them as well so I’ve basically seen every single model for as long as I can remember. I have also witnessed the slow then sudden change in my relationships as digital media continued to make its way in our daily lives.

Everyone in my house is now so reliant in their cell phones, tablets and laptops. My mom would call me instead of walking for five seconds from her room to mine if ever she needed me to do something. My brothers will Facebook message me from the living room (again a few seconds away) when I’m at my room just to tell me that the show I wanted to watch was already on. My old Facebook account was terminated (for some weird reason I don’t know) last semester and I was completely oblivious to many updates on my subjects and news from my friends in that one entire week.

All I’m saying is, readily available technology like this forever altered the way we form relationships and even the way we keep them. You’ve never heard of anyone “unfriending” another person before because that word didn’t even exist before people started quoting it whenever they deleted a Facebook friend.

  ·         The World in Pixels

My 50 cents on how digital media has affected me is probably the same with the experiences of a lot of people. The entire mechanics of how society co-mingles with one another was altered by digital media. People have been divided between this being something good or bad for society.

I do believe that there is a certain bias especially for those who were born with all these luxuries. It’s hard to look back to something that you never really experienced. In my opinion, digital media is truly a double-edged sword. We cannot deny how much it means to us to be able to talk to people thousands of miles away from us or the fact that I can send my homework in the confines of my room to my professor just with the click of a button.

One such example http://www.politybooks.com/digitalmediaandsociety/

And yet we cannot ignore the dangers of this double-edged sword. A new breed of people called “trolls” lurks around cyberspace causing unwanted disturbance stemming from the fact that nobody knows them. They can all just hide their faces behind the screen while endlessly badmouthing someone. Douchebag boyfriends breaking up with their girl through the telephone (seriously who does that?) and all the other craziness.

Digital Media is only as good as the responsibility we commit to everything we say and do. It’s a matter of principle; whether it be an avatar of your true self or a secret account, all that matters is that you incorporate ethics in every word you type.

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Maybe one day...

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I just did.. Hahaha

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Lol, just what I needed today

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Yeah I prolly am...