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topromp · 7 years ago

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Breakups vary in all shapes and sizes depending on your age, the length of the relationship, the type of person you were dating, and many other factors. But there’s one common theme: they suck. If there’s one question I see the most, it’s “how do I get over a breakup?” There are some good articles on how to do it, but I haven’t seen one that really hits the nail on the head and explains what to do from day 1 in order to get through a breakup.

Here are the 3.5 steps to take to get over a breakup and come out as a stronger, happier person.

Note: the time-frame for each step is put in brackets, but depends on the person and/or situation. Some people are quicker to “recover” than others, and relationships that last longer will generally require more time spent in each step. Adapt the time-frames accordingly.

Step 0.5- Realization/Acceptance (1-3 Days)

The absolute first step to take to get over a breakup is to realize and accept that it has happened and that your relationship is over. I’ve heard way too many stories about “half breakups” or breaking up for a day or two (or more) or not being on the same page, and these are all terrible situations to put yourself in. I’m not going to discuss whether you should try and “win the person back” in this post because it’s not the focus, so we will assume it’s in your best interest that this relationship ends.

Say this to yourself: my relationship is over.

Period. This might (probably will) sound depressing and you still might not be able to fully accept it, but if you don’t start believing it, at least a little bit, you will never get over a breakup.

The “good” part about accepting the breakup as a fact is that you have clarity. When dealing with difficult situations like these, for your own peace of mind, you should seek out clarity and certainty instead of confusion and “grey areas”. The sooner you can get it in your head that the relationship is over, the better. Trust me, it will help down the road to recovery.

Bottom line: if you know it is/should be over, it’s over.

Step 1- Mourning (1-3 Weeks)

Now that you’ve realized and accepted that your relationship is over, you need time to mourn. In plain English, this means be very, very sad. Again, how sad or emotional you get will depend on many factors, and naturally some will need a longer mourning period than others, but give yourself between 1-3 weeks to cry it out. Be alone if you need to, have your breakdowns, cry on shoulders, listen to sad music, eat tubs of ice cream, whatever you need to do.

The key here is to get all of that sadness out of your system. In the next few steps, you will work on building yourself back up into a happier, stronger person. But the reality is that you can’t do that if you’re still holding onto feelings of sadness. Sure, you will have times down the road where you feel sad, but that is sadness you can overcome. At this step, you want to get all that underlying, heavy sadness out of your system, so recognize it’s there, don’t hold back and let it all out.

Also keep in mind that you should go “no contact” with your ex. This will be the hardest stage to stay true to the “no contact” rule, but it’s also the most important time to stick to it. Remember, this whole process is aimed at getting over the person, so anytime you message, call, creep or stare, will only bring back memories and refresh your feelings towards them. Avoid at all costs!

Pro tip: any time you get a strong urge to message/call your ex, message or call a good friend or family member instead. Even if it’s just to whine and sob about your ex, you’re better off doing that than communicating with your ex.

You should also set a specific ending date for the mourning stage. For example, let’s say you had a ten month relationship that was pretty great, but ultimately didn’t last that long. Also, you know you’re the type who doesn’t need long to recover. So you pick exactly 1 week.

Or let’s say you just got out of a 4-year relationship with someone who you thought was “the one”, and you’re a very emotional person who doesn’t handle these things well. You may want to pick a date closer to 2-3 weeks away.

No matter what length of time or day you pick, put it in your calendar and get it in your head that starting on that day, your mourning is over and your recovery begins. I’ll never forget the exact day I started properly recovering from my first big breakup; it was a 3-year relationship that ended out of the blue and left me in shambles. But after a brief phone call about 2 weeks after the breakup where she made it clear things were over for good, I told myself that tomorrow was the start of my recovery and stuck to it. It wasn’t until that day that things finally started to improve and I was able to get over the breakup.

Pro tip #2: keep a journal. Yes, even if you’re a guy who feels like that’s too “feminine”. You are going to have a million thoughts and feelings going through your mind, and even if you have a great support system, sometimes it isn’t enough. At the beginning or end (or both) of each day, make a journal entry about those thoughts and feelings. It will help put your mind at ease.

Bottom line: accept the fact that you’re allowed to be sad, and get it all out of your system in a reasonable amount of time. Talk to family/friends for support and keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings.

Step 2- Recovery (1-3 months)

At this point, you’ve had a rough week/few weeks of mourning, but you got all/most of the sadness out of your system. This, in my opinion, is the most important step, and if done well, will set you on an amazing path to get over a breakup.

This stage is the complete opposite of the mourning stage. Instead of remembering the past and being sad, we’re focusing on ourselves and our bright future ahead. The hardest part about getting over a breakup is that there’s now a void in your life that your significant other used to fill – all the texting, hanging out, sleeping over, etc., is all gone, so you need to fill in that time. The key is to get active, get social, and keep busy.

Here are the best ways:

1) Do physical activities: No, I don’t mean start sleeping with other people (although they say the quickest way to getting over someone is to get under someone else ? ). Start going to the gym, or running, or going to yoga, or playing a sport, or going for daily walks, or a combination of a few of these. It doesn’t matter what it is, pick a physical activity or two that you enjoy and start doing them at LEAST 3 times a week.

Bonus points if you have a friend/friends to do it with or play against. The psychological benefits of being active and in good physical condition are endless, so this is very important. Also, you’ll probably have a lot of ice cream to work off from your mourning stage…

2) Start talking to more people: In the mourning stage, it’s completely fine to curl up in bed for days on end, not talk to people and not want to do group activities. But now it’s time to flip the switch – start going out for dinners with friends or family, start going out to other social-type gatherings, start going out to bars, etc. Even little things like hosting a board game night, or going out to see a movie with friends, or for an ice cream cone. Doesn’t matter what, just start asking people to hang out and/or accepting invites to everything that gets you out of the house.

Pro tip: if you don’t want to ask people directly to do things, ask your friends and/or family to invite you out whenever they want company for anything. Don’t force yourself into their plans, but a simple “Hey, I’m really looking to get out of the house more these days, so if you ever want some company with anything, please let me know” works great.

3) Cook more/eat healthier: Heck, this could even be a new hobby you try out for the first time, but start cooking (more). How often do you cook already? If it isn’t almost every day, then start cooking meals more often. Whether it be a brand new recipe for dinner, a simple, fresh sandwich for lunch or a healthy snack you’ve always wanted to make, go get some groceries and prep your own food. It will save you money, improve your diet and can be a lot of fun with some music or a podcast on in the background.

4) Re-start or pick-up a new hobby: Remember that thing you loved doing in grade school that you don’t do anymore? Or even high school or undergrad? Maybe it’s comic books, or painting, or sewing. Or maybe you always wanted to try woodworking or the piano but never got around to it. This is the perfect time. Pick one or two and dive into it head first. Start reading guides, going to classes, talking with people who have experience, visiting forums online, etc.

5) Read and Write: Stop reading Facebook/Instagram feeds and start reading books; fiction, non-fiction, self-help, personal development, romance, whatever your heart desires. Also, start (if you didn’t already in the previous stage) a journal. I found that especially when you have your ex on your mind or feel like you need to reach out to them, writing about your feelings or even a letter addressed to them helped bring me down to earth without the negative effects that actually communicating with them brought.

6) Rely on internet strangers: This might not be for everyone, but there are so many great online social communities and/or forums with people who are either going through tough times as well, or those who have been through them and are willing to be a support system. Post or reach out to fellow current or former broken-hearted peers and you immediately get access to free, unbiased people looking to chat and help one another. However, this isn’t for everyone, and you shouldn’t become reliant on it. This is for general chatting and support, don’t get caught up spending hours chatting with people online. Use it as a filler when not taking part in options 1-5.

Implement all/most of these things in your life, and you will automatically become busier, healthier and happier – a great start to get over a breakup. The recovery phase will last a different amount of time for everyone. Some people can get back to normal and into a good routine quickly, while others might not. Either way, focus on those activities (especially 1-4) and you’ll notice a gradual improvement in how you’re feeling day-to-day. Realize this will not be an overnight fix and you will have a bad day here and there. But if you stick to these guidelines, you will notice a gradual improvement over time.

Bottom line: stay busy by living an active, healthy life and you will slowly start to get over a breakup, day by day.

Step 3- Revitalization (Forever)

This is the easy and fun part. You’ve spent a few days accepting the breakup, a few weeks crying it out of your system, and a few months building yourself back up into a stronger, better person. There is no time-frame for how long recovery will take, but eventually, you will feel “normal” again and be ready to move on to bigger, better things.

This is the last step to get over a breakup. In most respects, it is very similar to step 2, with one major difference. While you are still living an active, busy and healthy lifestyle, you are ready to start “moving on”. Maybe it has already happened, or maybe you are busy with your career and not focused on finding someone else, but at this point, you are ready if the right circumstances came around.

Because of this, there isn’t anything specific to do except to appreciate that you made it through one of life’s greatest emotional difficulties, be open to opportunities and be excited for what you have ahead. Maybe you want to meet someone in bars, online, or in any other way, or maybe you still want to focus on yourself. Either way, the world is your oyster and you should move at whatever pace you feel most comfortable with.

Pro tip: Now that you were able to get over a breakup, it is a good time to reflect on it and learn from what went wrong. What truly caused the breakup? What things did you do that may have led to it, and how can you improve yourself for your next relationship? What qualities are you looking for in your next partner? No need to answer all of those concretely, but thinking about them will make your next relationship that much better.

One last consideration is “being friends” with your ex. Up until now, you should have avoided contact with them, but at this point, MINIMAL contact is completely fine. I know some former partners who ended up becoming friends, but I always avoided it. Not because they were bad people or because the breakup was nasty, but because I appreciated what we had in the past and didn’t want any potential of complicating things any more (or even worse, having one party develop feelings again).

So I keep communication to a minimum, such as birthday wishes and catch-ups every once in a while (maybe once or twice a year). Again, you may want or be able to include more communication than that, but I choose to focus on moving forward and avoiding any possible complications.

That’s it! For those trying to get over a breakup or anyone with a friend who is, I hope that this will give you or them a framework to use to get through it as quickly and positively as possible. For those who aren’t or haven’t yet, keep this post in mind and don’t forget to check back and/or bookmark the page for future use (apologies for the pessimism, but you never know when a rough breakup may hit!).

Thanks for reading! If you want even more content on how to get over a breakup, read our article on 7 easy ways to here!

The post How to Get Over an Ex: The 3.5 Steps to Get Over a Breakup appeared first on Top Romp.

#relationships #love #dating #onlinedating #tinder #datingapps #girls #women #men #relationsh

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topromp · 7 years ago

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As we get older, the dating scene gets more complicated by the fact that the people we meet have pasts with their exes that, probably, keep coming back. And that past may well include children. Children can be a complicating factor, or they can add to a relationship. Every woman is unique, which means that every relationship with a single mother is different.

Before you contemplate a relationship with a single mother, make sure your eyes are wide open. Her children aren’t going anywhere, so be prepared for them to feature in the relationship. Don’t pursue a relationship if you know can’t handle the fact that she has kids.

But have an open mind. Dating a single mom is not all about disadvantages only. There are some advantages to it as well.

The advantages of dating a single mom

She’s a grown-up

A single mom has had maturity thrust upon her. As a single mom, you are responsible for the health and welfare of another human being. This is not a task to take lightly. It requires sacrifice and making tough decisions.

If you’re looking to date a woman with a proven track record of maturity, a single mom fits the bill. She is highly unlikely to be frivolous and carefree. She has too many responsibilities that keep her firmly grounded.

She doesn’t want to play games

A single mom doesn’t have time to play the field. It is almost a given that she is in search of a serious relationship. She wants to get to know you and assess whether you are relationship material before introducing you to her kids. She doesn’t have the luxury of playing hard to get as she has too many priorities.

For a single mom, you’re going to fall into one of two categories: a fling or a potential relationship. She’ll kick you to the curb quickly if she senses you’re not serious.

She wants you instead of needing you

Single moms have been forced to be independent. Many come from relationships where they were controlled. When they finally ‘get their freedom,’ they seize it with both hands. Don’t expect to be the knight in shining armor who charges in to save the day by fixing the sink. She probably knows how to do it herself, and she won’t welcome your interference.

A single mom is going to want to make sure that she never finds herself under the thumb of another man. She’ll show that she’s headstrong and doesn’t need a man to define her.

She’s not demanding

Due to their independence and the multitude of responsibilities they have, single moms tend to be quite low maintenance to date. They’re not going to demand 100% of your time and attention, because they cannot reciprocate. A single mom wants a relationship, but she doesn’t necessarily want the burden of having to be committed full-time. Her children are her full-time commitment.

Because she understands how to put her children’s needs first, a single mom is not selfish. That means that she’s not going to be unrealistically demanding in a relationship.

The disadvantages of dating a single mom

Beware the baggage

Single moms come with an inevitable carousel of baggage. Every single mom’s baggage differs. You need to be conscious of it. She may be emotionally scarred from her previous relationship. You need to be sure that you are willing to be part of the healing process.

With a child comes an ex. When a single mom is co-parenting, her ex features larger than life. If they’re friends, it can be more complicated. You may feel that he’s a third party in your relationship. Establish what her baggage is when you meet a single mom. Before pursuing a relationship, make sure you’re comfortable with it.

Know your place in the pecking order

Any single mom will place her children above you as a priority. You aren’t going to be her number 1 commitment. If she must choose, who to take a bullet for, don’t be surprised to learn that it’s not you!

You need to understand the bond between mother and child. If she couldn’t put her ex above her kids as a priority, understand that you’ll be running a distant second (or third, or fourth).

It can be a logistical nightmare

The logistics of arranging a date night with a single mom can be challenging. If you have your own children in the mix as well, it takes careful scheduling. That spur of the moment weekend away isn’t going to happen. It’ll have to be meticulously planned.

Be creative when making time to see each other. Try during the day while the kids are at school. Or later in the evening once they’re asleep. This is going to be a part of the ‘getting to know each other’ phase. A single mom won’t introduce you to her kids until she knows it’s serious. For it to become serious, you need time alone to explore your relationship.

What if the kids hate you?

A relationship with a single mom means a relationship with her children. This can be difficult. The kids may resent you because you represent the finality of the end of their parents’ relationship.

It’s important to know the dos and don’t of interacting with a single mom’s children. You need to show an interest in them, but not try to be their father. They need to understand that you’re their mom’s friend. Where there are problems, communication is important.

Embarking on a relationship with a single mom can be daunting. If you meet a single mom, ask yourself these questions:

Do I understand this woman’s past and present? Can I deal with it?

Am I ready to have kids be a part of a relationship with a woman?

Is she worth the extra effort a relationship with her may require?

Can I accept that this relationship may be complicated at times?

If your answer to each question is yes, enter the relationship and explore its full potential. She could be ‘the one.’ Writing her off without getting to know her just because she has kids could be the biggest mistake you’ll make in life.

The post The Pros and Cons of Dating a Single Mom appeared first on Top Romp.

#relationships #love #dating #onlinedating #tinder #datingapps #girls #women #men #relationsh

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topromp · 7 years ago

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Dating is rough and finding a soul mate isn’t necessarily easy! Dating with a mental illness makes things even more challenging. Having mental illness can be taxing on you and your mind. Whether you have anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, living with mental illness is hard. When you factor in dating someone who has a mental illness, there are other things involved. As a person who has the mental illness, you wonder when (if at all) is the appropriate time to share your diagnosis. You might worry about whether or not the person will understand, whether or not they will continue to love you or not. People with depression might suffer from low self-esteem and wonder if they are even worth loving. These things are not easy to confront for the sufferer of mental illness, so imagine what it’s like for the person they are dating when they internalize that information.

I have mental illness, and I’ve struggled with how to tell my partner about it. I’ve worried that they wouldn’t love me anymore, that they would run away and never talk to me again. This is partially because of internalized stigma that I learned growing up in the 1990’s. I was trained to hide my mental illnesses because I was afraid that people wouldn’t understand me or would judge me. This was particularly hard when I entered in relationships with men. I would start liking a guy and try actively to look “normal” but also be myself. It was extremely difficult to say the least. However, the longer the relationship went on the more challenging it was to maintain my cool and not have him see me panic, or lose things because of my ADHD. I was scared that he would become irritated with my idiosyncrasies. But what I realized after some time is that: it doesn’t matter.

People will eventually learn that you have a mental illness. You will be in a position where it becomes obviously and it’s not worth getting to that place. Tell the person you’re dating what you struggle with because they are going to find out one way or another. And it would be better if it was from you rather than them discovering it and having to confront you about it. It’s tricky because your disability is invisible. If you were physically disabled your date would see your cane or wheelchair. With a mental illness, your disability isn’t visual, which means that you could try to conceal it for as long as humanly possible or how about this? Be honest. Tell your partner that you have schizoaffective disorder or PTSD, because chances are they are going to find out anyway. Later down the line, when your mental illness is out in the open, and your relationship progresses and is serious, you might need to enter couples therapy to discuss issues related to your relationship.

I wouldn’t suggest revealing your mental health issues on a first date, but you never know. It might come up somehow organically in conversation. Maybe your date mentions that they have anxiety or bipolar and then you can jump in and say what your mental illness is. You never know! Society is becoming increasingly more open about people revealing mental illness to each other.

The post Do You Disclose Your Mental Illness To Your Date? appeared first on Top Romp.

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topromp · 8 years ago

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The Super Like feature on Tinder is the holy grail of online dating features. According to Tinder, the Super Like makes you 3x as likely to get a match. You can use Super Like your match by pressing the blue star icon. Unfortunately, Tinder limits the number of Super Likes you get even as a paid user. If you’re a Tinder Gold member you get five Super Likes per day, but if you run out, you have to pay $1 for each additional Super Like.

Because of this annoying, but valuable feature I decided to hack the Super Like!

I simply found a Super Like image on Google. I then cut around the border and added my Tinder profile picture to it. Voilà! My profile image now appears to always be a Super Like! If you’re interested in having Top Romp create a Super Like photo for you, email us at [email protected] with your profile picture, name and age. We charge $3.99 an image. You can pay securely with the PayPal button below.

Give Me Unlimited Super Likes!

That can be your Permanent Super Like! 3x More Matches! Tinder Success.

The post How to Get Unlimited Super Likes on Tinder appeared first on Top Romp.

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topromp · 8 years ago

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I still don’t know why most people don’t admit being on Tinder or having gone on a date with someone from there. It’s where many people find success nowadays! If you’re single, and you’re looking for a partner, be it husband material or someone to spend some time with, there’s no better use of your free time than exploring the never-ending number of new people around you. In fact, this one app is completely changing the way we date.

But while some succeed, many don’t. You might get discouraged at first. Maybe you think it’s because of your looks. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

In fact, my top 3 dates ever were with men you can’t call sexy or way too handsome. Rather, I gave them a chance because they initiated the conversation and kept it going. They weren’t afraid to ask for what they want and turned out to be incredibly interesting personalities. This resulted in making them charming in my eyes. And charm beats beauty.

Stop obsessing over the competition and check out the 6 reasons below to learn what leads to success on Tinder.

1. More Time Equals More and Better Results.

If you want to reach your goals in life, you must invest time and be consistent in your practice. This is what you must do to be successful in online dating.

You can’t expect to find the hottest guy or girl in the city after 3 swipes or start to wonder if your standards aren’t high.

There’s the opposite scenario too. I know some people who think their dates should come to them and refuse to spend time (even if it’s 5 minutes) using a dating app. Well, no wonder they don’t find anyone anytime soon. Waiting won’t do. You need to be out there.

2. The Power of the Profile Picture.

Here are the two profiles that grab my attention (good or bad):

There’s the guy who has a low-quality picture. They put no thought into making it. It takes my brain less than a second to decide I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see the other photos.

Then, there’s that one guy (doesn’t happen often), whose picture is positive, unusual, or even makes me smile. I then stop swiping to check out his profile. These pictures rarely lie or disappoint. His or her description usually complements the image of the person. I then have the urge to speak with them and learn more about him.

That’s the power of a single picture. So make sure you do it right.

3. Pretending to Be Someone Else Won’t Have a Lasting Effect.

There are some people on Tinder who seek attention and use anything but their real personality to get it. It’s usually a stupid method. Some Tinder users use babies or pets (even if they aren’t yours), to appear sweet or even a photo of them cooking, although they have never cooked in their life. But fake is desperate, and the ladies can feel that from afar.

Even if we are attracted in the beginning, after a few chats we’ll see the real you and it will have nothing to do with the man from the profile. So don’t waste your time. And if there’s anything in your profile that isn’t part of the real you but is just there to impress, remove it right away. It never works. Even if it does, it will be for a short time and will attract the wrong type of guys or girls.

4. Constantly Optimize Your Approach.

Some things will work, others won’t. If you keep track of your progress, you’ll master the game and will match with the right people. But it’s important to keep your eyes open for tendencies. See how others react to what you say.

5. Don’t Be Boring.

Boring is the opposite of sexy, even online. In fact, people can feel whether or not you’re boring from the profile itself. If they don’t, they’ll definitely see it during a conversation. That usually doesn’t lead to an actual meeting. Be yourself. Know your strengths, but be okay with your weaknesses too. Confidence is knowing your worth and not being afraid to aim higher. So do exactly that. Also, be direct. Ask unusual questions, not the standard ones that everyone’s expecting. Find common ground from at the start of your conversation. That will start the chat in a positive way. Talk with passion, tell stories, and show that you’re genuinely interested in learning more about their interests.

6. Meet Sooner.

The only Tinder experiences I regret are the ones where we were chatted for more than a week, sometimes even longer. Meeting came up many times during communication, but neither one of us seriously popped the question. Eventually, we stopped keeping in touch, although we both knew there was hope. So, when you find someone interesting, meet them as soon as possible. The worst case is that you’ll understand you’re not a good fit for each other. You can even FaceTime with your date before meeting up.

Over to you now…How can you level up your Tinder game?

The post 6 Reasons Some People Succeed On Tinder And Others Don’t (Regardless Of The Look!) appeared first on Top Romp.

#relationships #love #dating #onlinedating #tinder #datingapps #girls #women #men #relationsh

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