torkison

[torkison]

okay now for something joyous pictures of my old freaks being silly. bonne nuit....

[torkison]

does anyone know how to do anything.

[torkison]

like im not even in therapy anymore the second i stopped crying every session i was like okay fuck this im out of here . which was stupid but the easier way out and also it straight up wasnt helping bc i literally could not open up but ive been working on that maybe it would help now. ugh but i dont want to

[torkison]

kind of a stupid thing to wish for especially as most of my issues do not actually have a "cure" if my suspicions about them are correct but in so many different areas of my life i just kind of wish it was worse so id HAVE to deal with it like i could live with my average level of low-level misery forever in fact i could live with my current higher-than-average-level of misery forever too and if something doesn't happen i will because i simply can't bring myself to do anything about anything. like my life could be so much better if i got some sort of medical treatment for my various ambiguous undiagnosed mental and physical issues transitioned(?) etc but like im straight up not going to do all that unless it gets intolerable and everything is very firmly tolerable i could easily do another sixty or seventy years of this and it would suck but i would do it because i love being alive and ignoring everything more than i hate living with all my fixable or at the very least manageable issues. ugh!

[torkison]

[torkison]

fear of the dark is so good im seriously considering going to an iron maiden concert

[torkison]

je parle français je parle français il n'y aura pas de problème. tout va bien 🧘🧘🧘🧘🧘🧘

[torkison]

i am indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell in fact i have been there for some time but it will soon be over i hope... any day now any day now i shall be released....

[torkison]

Withnail and I (1987) | dir. by Bruce Robinson

[torkison]

i know everyones a bit bisexual is fake and also rude to people who really are just gay but its legitimately hard for me to imagine that there are people out there who are 100% heterosexual like how do you live like that

[torkison]

ok i have not yet actually successfully internalised that i need to stop fucking worrying. but any day now

[torkison]

ive been getting a lot more randomly vaguely dizzy since i got sick thats what they call kind of a bad sign right

[torkison]

the evil white sweater i can get rid of thank GOD but the chnt hoodie might have to stay even though the color scheme is very early 2020s and also makes me feel like a young boy. which is why i liked it at the time obviously but is honestly not the vibe rn... but s2 is coming out i cant just throw her out hashtag my hoarder instinct

[torkison]

ive reached the level of unattachedness necessary for removing a lot of stuff from my wardrobe so im going thru my old worn out sweaters rn and you'll never guess this but putting on something i wore most days during the actual lowest point in my life and then stopped not long after that period was over is making me feel kind of bad

[torkison]

anyway what movie should i watch tonight i put a few old gay possibly devastating movies in my watchlist the other day but maybe the vibe actually is comedy or music. hm

[torkison]

well and on a less weird sex scene containing note as much star trek as can fit into our lifetimes we will finish tng in 2025 tos likely sometime in early or mid 2026 and we can probably get a good chunk of ds9 in there before i graduate university if we get serious about it. if i believed in gendered interests id say this is peak male nerd bonding or something but i dont

sometimes i remember that im basically working my way thru the whole filmographies of davids lynch & cronenberg (mostly) with my dad. what am i doing

[torkison]

sometimes i remember that im basically working my way thru the whole filmographies of davids lynch & cronenberg (mostly) with my dad. what am i doing