toruro

[toruro]

— ✧ the letter

i hope one word, one letter, will laugh and cry with you (the letter / ateez)

pairing. xu minghao x reader

description. in which you’re jun's little sister and have been pining for a man so close yet so out of reach for ages. now, years later, when you see minghao all grown up, famous, and still making your heart flutter, you're not so sure what to do about your not-so-little crush.

genres. slowburn, fluff, angst, childhood f2l

tags. idol!au, alcohol consumption & underage drinking, lots of arguments, Lots of pent up emotions oops, miscommunication, sorta hot headed reader, minghao is minghao and that is a warning enough

fic playlist.

w/c. 26k

a/n. the smut has been moved to a separate post which can be found here! i had so so so much fun writing this! huge thanks to @gyuswhore bc em literally helped me through every step of the way & sat through me planning & switching around the events of the story a bajillion times, and thank u to @honeyhypen who read over this for me ^-^

ENVELOPE

To: Xu Minghao

���Why are you in my room?” Jun huffs, turning around to look up at you as you stand by his door. In front of him is a massive, yet unfinished LEGO replica of Hogwarts. You frown, glancing at his friend who lays on his bed with a phone up to his face.

He’s Jun’s new friend, and you’ve heard your brother talk about him but this is your first time really seeing Minghao in the flesh. Shaggy hair hangs loose over his dark eyes as he peeks over his phone and glances at Jun, as if to silently ask who you are.

“Dad says dinner is ready,” you tell him, feeling a little timid under the gaze of the new boy. He’s only two years older than you, but the only interaction you get with high schoolers is your brother, so you’re feeling shy. He’s a very nice looking boy, you think to yourself, but try hard not to stare as Minghao uncrosses his legs and sits up on your brother's bed.

Jun’s eyes soften when he notices you standing awkwardly, standing up and pointing at you as he says your name. “My sister—two years younger,” he explains.

“One point five, actually,” you correct him with a roll of your eyes, feeling more comfortable now that Jun is initiating something. Your brother laughs at you and ruffles your hair while Minghao stands up behind him.

“Ya-da, ya-da. You’re still two grades below, so it doesn’t really make a difference. Anyways, this is Minghao,” he says, pointing at his friend behind him who throws you a small smile and wave.

“I know,” you blurt out before you even have a chance to think, heat flushing to your face after you realize what you said and see Minghao give you a funny look. “I-I mean because Jun talks about you a lot,” you clarify, clearing your throat. “Y’know, he doesn’t have a lot of friends so when—”

Jun clamps a hand over your mouth and gently drags you out of the room as Minghao follows behind closely with silent laughter. “That’s enough from you. Watch it, or I’m never letting you talk to my friends again.”

“Friends? I think you mean friend,” you retort, looking back at Minghao who watches the two of you amusedly. “Are you sure you want to be friends with someone so mean to his sist—”

Jun flicks your forehead and you push his chest. “Shut up already! If you scare away all my friends, all I’ll have left is you, and you’ll just have to put up with me all day!”

“You’re right about that,” you say with a heavy sigh as you all make your way to the dinner table where your father has set out a meal for the three of you. Putting your hands up in defeat as you sit down at your spot at the middle end of the table, you glance at Minghao who takes a seat with Jun sitting between the two of you. “I guess I’ll back off for now.”

Jun scoffs. “You better.” The three of you laugh together.

Yiren rummages through your closet, and you frown deeply. “Hey! You better clean that up,” you warn, rolling off of your bed and onto the floor, lazily standing up.

“I’m helping you pick out a nice outfit! You said Minghao is coming ri—” You scramble to your feet to slap a hand over Yiren’s mouth, eyes wide.

“Shut up! My brother’s room is right there—he might hear you!”

Yiren rolls her eyes, nudging your hand off her mouth with a huff. “Oh my god, don’t tell me you haven’t told him yet.”

“What?” you narrow your eyes at her, grabbing one of your bras that she threw onto the ground and stuffing it back into your closet. “You thought I was going to tell Jun that I have a crush on his best friend?” you half whisper, half yell.

“Uh, why wouldn’t you? You’re seriously missing out on your chance to have him help you get with Minghao.”

You scoff, looking down at all the clothes strewn across the floor. “Have you met my brother? He would flip if I even mentioned being with a guy, let alone that guy being two years older and his friend.”

“You don’t know that,” Yiren retorts, throwing herself onto your bed leaving you to clean up the mess she made.

“Yes I do. This is how I can tell you don’t have any brothers …”

“Well if you never make a move on Minghao, how are you ever going to get him? You gotta start somewhere, and maybe your brother is the first nut you gotta crack to get there.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly planned on making any moves,” you mumble, reaching down to pick up a cute pink jacket you haven’t seen in a while.

“Uh, why not?” Yiren piques, sitting upright on your mattress.

“Excuse me, have you looked at Minghao?” you groan, slumping against your wall with the jacket in your hands. “He’s so … cool, and popular, and handsome,” you gush, and Yiren makes a disgusted face.

“Uh, no, sorry I don’t fawn over your future husband, so I don’t really look at Minghao but—”

“And he’s going to be a senior! Why would a senior ever go for—” you look down and gesture at yourself, “—me.”

“You’re seriously downgrading yourself—you know you’re a catch.”

“Yeah, not for someone like him,” you snort, flopping down onto your bed next to her. “It’s whatever, it’s a stupid crush anyways.”

“Yeah,” Yiren says flatly. “You’ve only been crushing on him for like three years—hey! Don’t hit me!”

“Then stop saying this stuff,” you groan, throwing a pillow onto her head.

“Okay fine, I’ll stop. So are you going to wear that?” she asks, pointing at the jacket you left at the foot of your bed.

“Yeah, I think I will. It’s cute right?”

“Mhm … bet Minghao will totally like it and—”

“Yiren, shut up,” you giggle, pushing her again as you roll off the bed. “Okay, so the pink jacket and these jeans?” you ask, picking one pair off the ground and holding it up for her to see.

“Mm, no,” she says while shaking her head, standing up to join you as she looks at all of the clothes she threw across the floor. “Let’s see …” she hums to herself.

“Yiren,” you say with a laugh, “I think you’re putting more thought into this than me.”

“Well I can’t just let my best friend be single and lonely for the rest of her life! If all you do is sit around and listen to Radiohead, you’re going to end up being sixty-five and alone in some cottage in the woods.”

“Hey! That actually seems pretty peaceful,” you try to object, but Yiren narrows her eyes in your direction.

“Okay well,” she drawls out, putting her hands on your shoulders so you’re right in front of her, “Imagine being sixty-five and living in a cute cottage in the woods with Minghao. Sounds better, doesn’t it?” You can’t help the giddy grin that makes its way onto your face when Yiren says that, and she punches your shoulder lightly when she notices. “See, you do want that! So just listen to me, okay?”

“Okay, okay, fine! Just tell me which jeans to wear.”

She looks down, picking through the denim before pulling out a light blue one with little flowers embroidered on the pockets. “Look, this is cute. It’ll match with the jacket.”

You nod along, not questioning her because as far as you know, Yiren’s fashionable instinct stretches much further than yours and whatever she says about this must be true. As you change from your pajamas  into your new, curated outfit, Yiren sits back on the bed and grins widely.

“Looks perfect on you. Minghao will love it.”

“You think?” you pique, looking at her with bright, beaming eyes.

She winks at you and you jump up and down on the balls of your feet at the excitement. “I want at least 25% of whatever you get from your wedding gifts. You both will owe me big time.”

“I’ll believe it when it happens … Anyways, you ready to go? Let’s wait downstairs and get some pop while we wait for Minghao to come,” you suggest, Yiren agreeing with a nod as she bounces behind you. Jun, it seems, is still in his room waiting for his friend, so you stick your head through his door. “We’re going down to snack a little. Wanna come?”

Your brother shrugs, pushing himself off his swiveling chair to join you. “You know if we still have those cupcakes? The ones you made last week?”

“I think we have a few left. Why? You liked them?” you exclaim happily, turning around to face Jun as the three of you settle in the kitchen. You reach for a box you kept on the island, popping off the lid to show him.

Jun grins and pulls one out and you offer one to Yiren who stands beside you. “‘course I like them,” he says with his mouth stuffed with cake and cream.

Yiren, shooting a look of disgust his way, says, “Ew! Please don’t chew and talk, that’s gross.” Jun rolls his eyes at her as Yiren stuffs her own face with the cupcake, sighing as she digs in.

“Whatever,” Jun grumbles after swallowing it down. “They taste really good, you should make them more.”

Yiren nods, tapping your shoulder, “Agreed. Send me the recipe too,” voice muffled as she continues to munch down on the cupcake.

“Didn’t you just tell me not to eat with my mouth full?” Jun mutters, crossing his hands over his chest. You laugh at the banter and suddenly you hear the doorbell ring, ears perking up. “That’s probably Minghao—I’ll get the door.”

As your brother makes his way down to the foyer, you turn to look at Yiren. “I would give you the recipe but I don’t want to be the reason your house burns down. Seriously, remember the last time you tried baking and—”

“Oh my god, is the recipe what you’re thinking about right now? Minghao is just about to come—offer him a cupcake! Show him your amazing baking skills and show him what a good housewife you can be!”

You give your best friend a look of bewilderment. “What the hell Yiren,” you groan, slapping your hand on your face, trying to hold back your chuckles. “Okay, I’ll give it to him but only because I want him to be impressed. Not because I want to submit myself to misogyny for the sake of a man.”

“Okay fine but—look!” she exclaims in a hushed whisper. “He’s here!” You immediately straighten your back and smile when Jun walks back into the kitchen with Minghao. He’s wearing some loose jeans and a black hoodie, his hair longer than before.

He says your name when he sees you, throwing up a wave and a smile. Minghao then glances at Yiren with a blank stare, pursing his lips together. Yiren chuckles nervously and clicks her tongue while pointing at herself. “Yiren.”

“Ah. Hi Yiren,” he says politely.

“You guys want some pop?” Jun offers when he opens up the fridge. Yiren, Minghao, and you nod happily and respectively call out your choices.

“Sprite!”

“Cola!”

“Cola!”

Jun juts his lip out in a pout when he turns back to the three of you. “I wanted Cola too, but there’s only two left.” You’re about to furrow your brows and tell him that it’s okay, you don’t really want any, but Minghao speaks up before you.

“She can have the Cola, I don’t mind,” he says casually, grabbing one can from Jun and handing it to you with soft eyes. “Here.”

“Are you sure? I don’t really care for the difference between Sprite and Cola and—”

Minghao chuckles and shakes his head, and you think you might just pass out when your palm brushes against his knuckles when he eases the cold can into your hand. “Seriously, it’s fine,” he tells you. You glance at Jun and Yiren who are busy opening their own cans, turning your attention back to Minghao.

“Thank you … Uh, do you want a cupcake? I made some a while ago and we still have some left,” you offer, holding up the box to him.

“It’s the last one. Are you sure?”

“How the tables have turned,” you laugh, and Minghao cracks a bright smile at that and holy crap, if you weren’t so busy trying to keep your composure, you’d be freaking out over how handsome he looks when he smiles. “‘course you can have it. I’ve had plenty of them,” you admit sheepishly as he reaches for the cupcake and brings up to his mouth.

“Holy shit. I don’t blame you for eating a lot—if I had these in my house they’d be gone in like an hour.”

“Right!” Yiren agrees, and you can’t help but chew on your bottom lip when you smile from the praise.

“Guess this is just a sign for you to make more, huh,” Jun says, walking to stand next to you to lean on your shoulder.

“Uh-uh! You gotta reimburse me somehow,” you protest, looking up at your brother with a firm expression.

“Please make more, they’re really good. I’ll buy you boba if you make more,” Minghao chimes, and it’s safe to say you don’t expect it from the way you cough on your own saliva. Yiren laughs at your reaction, and Jun only looks at you weirdly when you nod in agreement.

“Oh, so you’ll make cupcakes when he asks but not for your dear older brother?”

You roll your eyes, saying, “He offered to buy me boba! You know I can’t turn that down.”

Jun huffs in faux irritation, digging his hand into his pocket to fish out his keys. “Ya-da, ya-da. Anyways, would anyone other than my super fake, mean, evil sister like to go to karaoke now?” he asks playfully. All it takes is one glare and pulling on his hair for a few seconds to have him shouting out apologies as the four of you make your way to the car garage.

The ride to the karaoke place is short with Jun in the front and Minghao sitting in the passenger seat next to him. You and Yiren pile into the back, and the three of you scroll through your phones to decide what songs to sing later while Jun drives.

“I get to sing Creep, right?” you ask excitedly, bouncing up and down in your seat.

“How’d I know you were going to bring up Radiohead,” Jun mutters, pressing his head back into the head rest when he stops at a red light, while Minghao turns in his seat to look back at you with wide eyes.

“You like Radiohead?” he asks with a small smile.

The corners of your lips are lifted and your face brightens when you nod vigorously. “Yeah I do!”

“I think ‘like’ would be an understatement. I’m like 99% sure Thom Yorke lives in her skin or something because what she has for Radiohead is a lot more than just ‘like,’” Yiren says.

“No way, I love Radiohead,” Minghao tells you. Holy shit. So Minghao is attractive and nice and smart and pretty much perfect at everything and he enjoys Radiohead? You might go insane.

“Really?” Your eyes are wide with your jaw hanging open, leaning forward in your seat.

You hear Jun groan from the driver’s seat, and both you and Minghao shoot him a dirty look. “I forgot both of you are obsessed with Radiohead. Seriously, could either of you get more emo?”

“If you weren’t driving right now, I’d strangle you,” Minghao says bluntly before looking back at you. “Anyways, what’s your favorite song?”

“Junnie, please, can you put on Creep now? You know I’ve been waiting forever,” you plead, holding your hand out to the microphone that’s in your brother’s hand. The room is dark and lit up with red and blue LEDs across the border, making the room glow purple.

“But I want to sing another round of Taylor Swift!” he protests, pointing at the big screen in front of you while clutching the microphone close to his chest. You scoff, poking his side. “You know I’m not ticklish, so that doesn’t work.”

“You’re not ticklish? How?” Yiren exclaims, looking at Jun with wide eyes.

You turn to squint at her. “He’s weird. I thought we already established this.”

“Hey!” Jun whines. “See this is why you won’t be getting to sing Creep tonight.”

“Jun!” you cry out, and you’re about to pull out a string of complaints and curses, but then Minghao is stepping in, pointing at you.

“Put on Creep. She’s been asking for a while and I want to sing it too,” he says. Jun is quiet for a moment before sighing and handing you the microphone which leads you to puffing up your chest and smiling proudly.

“Thanks,” you chirp gleefully, as Minghao holds his own microphone up to his lips.

When he smiles at you, it’s kind and sincere in such a way that it has your heart swelling under your pretty pink jacket. Minghao coolly points at Yiren who sits by the control tablet. “Creep. Hit it.”

The air inside your house is warm as you skip down the hall and down the stairs. When the bell rang the first time, you thought it was just some package but when you hear it ring twice, you think otherwise.

When you peek through the little peep-hole, you jump up and down on the balls of your feet, a mix of excitement and nerves pools at your stomach. You open the door and Minghao shuffles in front of you at the doorstep. You haven’t seen him in a few weeks, and his hair looks shorter. “Did you cut your hair?” you ask the seventeen year old as you move to the side so he can step in.

“Yeah, it was getting in my eyes too much,” he tells you with a nod, a small puff of vapor coming from his lips. It’s cold, and you hear him inhale a breath of relief when you close the door behind him. “Thought the door was never gonna open. I was freezing my ass off,” he says, unwinding the brown scarf from his neck.

“‘m sorry,” you reply sheepishly as he takes off his shoes, following you through the foyer. “Jun didn’t tell me you were coming so I was in my room. He’s still out with my dad, but he’ll be back soon.”

“That’s fine.” Minghao shrugs off his puffer jacket, placing it on the coat rack while you make your way to the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink? It’s cold outside, so I can make some hot chocolate. Jun got the nice kind from the cafe down the street.”

“That’d be great, thanks,” he says, sitting down at one of the stools in front of the kitchen island as you take out some milk and hot chocolate powder. It’s silent, and you chew your lip while thinking about how this is the first time in a really long time that you and Minghao have been alone together.

Nearing the end of his twelfth year in high school and just like the first time you met him, he’s as enticing as ever. Dancing competitions with Jun, left and right, smart and respectful with the teachers, popular among the students—you're lucky you get to talk to someone as cool as him, even if it is only on the account that you’re his best friend’s little sister.

“How’s high school?” he asks casually as you boil some milk over the stove.

“It’s alright … English is still hard as ever,” you admit, dropping the powder into the frothing milk.

Minghao chuckles softly when you turn around to face him, and a small smile makes its way onto your lips. “Yeah, it was never my strong suit either. You still friends with … what’s her name? Sorry, I’m not good with names—the girl who lost her voice at karaoke when she came with us?”

“Yiren?” you giggle softly, recalling the memory. “Yeah. Still friends, still as loud as ever,” you say with a sigh, mixing the milk as it turns light brown. “How are things with you? Jun’s been telling me the dance practices you guys have is pretty intense. He always looks like he could eat a horse when he comes home.”

“That’s good to hear, and yeah, it’s all going good. It is pretty tiring, but it’s a lot of fun,” Minghao replies, stretching his arms behind his back as you pour out the hot chocolate into two mugs, bringing it over. “Thanks,” he murmurs, grabbing from your hand sitting down at your regular spot, one extra chair seated between the two of you as always.

Arm’s length, you think for a moment, before shaking yourself of the thought. “I’m sure the practice is paying off though—seems like Jun is always talking about some new kinda competition or something.”

“Mhm,” Minghao hums, taking a sip of the hot cacao. “This is really good, thank you,” he says with a soft smile, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel some sort of giddiness erupt in your stomach. “I think … I think we can really take it somewhere—our dancing.”

It’s a sparing thought that Minghao and Jun’s dreams are far beyond yours, and you have a bit of a difficult time trying to understand what he means by somewhere and if that somewhere includes you or not.

“You’re going to Korea?” your eyebrows furrow as you glance between Jun and your parents.

“Nothing’s finalized yet—” your mother says, but when Jun’s eyes flicker between you and the ground, you already know that this is set in stone.

“Yes it is.” Your voice is small when the words come out. “You—” you take a deep breath, “—you’re going.”

“Not now, of course,” your dad says, patting your back as he stands up, your mother following suit. “Talk for a few minutes, yeah?” he says as both your parents walk out. When your whole family walked into your room ten minutes earlier to tell you they had big news, you weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it certainly was not this.

And now you’re sitting with your brother on one end of your bed while you’re curled up against your pillows on the other, unable to meet his gaze.

“When are you going?” you ask quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“August.”

“That’s in a month and a half,” your shoulders deflate as you say it. “How long?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.” You bury your face in your hands in hopes that it’ll muffle your cries. It doesn’t.

Jun scoots over to you quickly when he sees your shoulders shake, one arm going around your back to pull you close to his body, but you still can’t bring yourself to look at him. “How are you going to do it?” you blubber as your brother pats your back. “You can’t just go to a whole different country alone and—”

“I won’t be alone. Minghao is coming with me,” Jun tells you quickly. Now that brings your head up. You don’t care that your nose is snotty and that your hair is all over the place and that your face burns, you just need to see the look on Jun’s face to see that he isn’t messing with you.

The way his own eyes are glossy gives you your answer. “Y-you both got accepted into tha-that company?”

Jun nods. “We applied together.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were applying? I-I would’ve understood. You could have given me more time to process this and—” You look down at your hands, “Fuck,” you mutter to yourself, not finding the words in your throat.

“We didn’t even know if we would get accepted. Me and Minghao promised each other that we’d only follow through with it if both of us got in and we didn’t think that there’d be a high chance of that because it’s so competitive … I only told Mom and Dad because until we got the acceptances, I really didn’t think it was going to actually happen.” You gulp at his words, trying to let it all sink in.

“I think … I think I just need to go on a walk. Take a breather, y’know,” you mutter under your breath as you stand up. Just as you're about to walk away, you stop yourself, looking back at Jun who stares down at his hands. You don’t think twice before wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. “I’m really proud of you,” you say quietly before rushing out of your room and down the stairs.

You shove your feet into some slippers in the foyer, rushing out onto the street soon after. You aren’t sure what you’re doing or where you’re headed, but you continue to trudge along the sidewalk until you’re walking down the main road.

The summer air is hot and stuffy, and you wonder if you feel so suffocated because of the sun’s onslaught or because of thoughts that run through your head. It’s surrounding you, breathing it in, it fills your lungs, courses through your veins, rushes to your brain—you don’t know what it is, but it’s uncomfortable and has you dizzy and your vision foggy.

You lean against a thick lamppost next to you, hands on your knees as you knit your eyebrows together as sweat beads down your forehead. What the fuck, you think as you breathe in through your nose.

You hear your own name bounce around in your head, and the sound only grows louder and louder until you’re muttering under your breath, telling yourself to shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. And there are tears in your eyes but you furiously wipe them away because while you don’t mind crying, you do mind crying if you don’t know why.

And fuck, there’s that voice again, your name echoing over and over again until it’s growing lowder and ringing in your ears. You think you might start crying again until the voice sounds familiar and you’re whipping your head up and standing straight when you see a car pull up to the curb next to you.

“Fuck my life,” you mumble to yourself when you see Minghao in the driver’s seat of the car. He rolls down the window and god, he looks so pretty with his hair back and upper body fit into a loose yellow shirt.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asks you, brows pinched into a concerned expression as he looks at you, face flushed and sheen from sweat.

“I—” You’re about to smile at him and let the giddiness of having your crush talk to you take over, but then the words get caught in your throat when you remember the whole reason you’re out here. “—I’m just going on a walk.”

“In this heat?” He raises a brow at you. “Where to? Let me give you a ride. You don’t look too well.”

“Nowhere really,” you say with a shrug. “Actually, I might just head back home,” you rush out, turning on your heel to walk in the other direction so Minghao can’t pry any further, but he stops you.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he calls out, and you don’t have the willpower to ignore him. “Let me drive you home then. Seriously, you don’t look well—like you look like you’re ‘bout to pass out and shit—so just get in the car, please?” He says the last part with some sort of beggary etched onto his face and you just can’t deny him. Not now, not ever.

Pulling the door open, your limbs feel heavy as you climb into the car, air much cooler and fresher than outside. Leaning your head against the headrest, you let your eyes flutter shut as Minghao starts the car.

“Are you seriously okay? You look—”

“Sick, I know. I look sick,” your grumble, eyes still shut. You wonder if you should tell him Jun just told you everything.

“I’m sorry,” and you can tell from the way his voice doesn’t waver that he means it.

“Jun told me about Korea.”

“Oh.” Yeah, very big oh. “Just now?” You nod. “Is that why you were out here?” You nod again, finally opening your eyes.

“Hey, this isn’t the way to my house.”

Minghao keeps his eyes on the road. “C’mon, let’s get some pop,” he says, ignoring your statement and driving into the parking lot of a convenience store. He unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out his end, not saying a word, and you figure that you have no other choice but to follow.

Any other situation and you’d be grinning about spending some time alone with Minghao, but after hearing Jun tell you that he’s going to be traveling hundreds of miles and flying over borders within the next two months has your stomach churning in a way you don’t like.

You don’t know if you want to spend all the hours of the day with Jun and Minghao, or if you want to crawl up in your bed and pretend they don’t exist so it’ll hurt less when they’re gone. You feel stupid for thinking like this—you know it’s going to hurt either way.

You’re lost in your own thoughts as you walk into the store after Minghao, only snapped back into the present when he says something to you. “Hey, those are your jeans that you wore when we first did karaoke right?’

You blink once and then twice before looking down at your pants. They were those same jeans. “Yeah, how’d you know?” you ask him incredulously, and Minghao chuckles as he reaches into the cooler and pulls out a pink popsicle.

“I remember the flowers and how they matched your pink jacket. It was cute,” he says casually, and you hope he doesn’t catch onto the way your fingers twiddle together nervously and you avert your gaze. “Anyways, you like Cola right?” he clarifies when reaching into the drink fridge near the cooler. You nod shyly, thanking him quietly when he hands you a can.

As you make your way to the cash register, you fish around in your pockets for a few moments hoping you’ll dig up a dollar bill or something but then Minghao’s hand is on your wrist and he shakes his head with a smile.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll cover it.” He turns back so quickly you don’t have time to protest because he’s already sticking his card into the machine, throwing the cashier a thumbs up and walking out the store without a word.

“I could’ve paid for myself, y’know,” you grumble, following behind Minghao, watching to see where he’s headed. You think he’s going to get back into his car, but instead he plops down on the street curb, sitting on the ground. You just look at him for a few moments, contemplating what to do for a few moments before joining his side.

“Yeah, but I wanted to pay for it.”

The sun is bright and it beads down on you relentlessly, but you don’t complain. You both sit in silence as you both tend to your snacks—Minghao tries to lap up his popsicle quickly now that you’re out in the heat and you try to drink as much of your Cola as you can before it grows lukewarm. The air grows thick between you.

You can’t find the right words to say. You suppose there aren’t any right words or any wrong words, and that you can say just about anything right now and it wouldn’t matter.

Glancing at Minghao who takes a lick of his pink popsicle, you feel that uneasy feeling swarm inside of your chest.

You could kiss him right now. You could press your mouth against his sticky lips and lap at the sugar against his tongue. You could hold his face and run your fingers through his hair and cradle the nape of his neck. You could do anything right now and it wouldn’t matter.

Minghao, after all, was leaving.

But you’re scared and Minghao is mature and his dreams are big and he’s brave.

Your eyes linger on his plush lips for no longer than a second before you shamefully look down at the Cola in your hands, suddenly feeling sick to your stomach.

“You’ll remember this place, right? Like—if you get big and famous and stuff, you two won’t forget, right?” you resort to asking. You say ‘this place,’ but really, you mean ‘me.’ You don’t want to be forgotten.

Minghao watches you with his eyes clouded with something you can’t really make out. “Of course we won’t. We’ll remember forever.” Absentmindedly, you trace figure-eights into the top of your can of pop, and Minghao catches the motion.

Using his own finger, he traces the figure of the number eight over the cement of the curb. “See. Like infinity, y’know?”

You purse your lips together and nod, your mind going dizzy. “Can we … can we go?” you mumble softly, gripping the can in your hand. “I think the heat kinda got to me.” It’s not entirely a lie.

Minghao doesn’t question you, polishing off his popsicle and tossing it into the trash before unlocking the door so you can take the silent ride home.

Jun and Minghao flew out two months ago. You went with your family and Minghao’s family to bid goodbyes. It’s not like you wouldn’t see them again—give or take a few months and Jun would be back at home, but he’d have to leave again. And again. And again.

It’s sad, you think, as you slump against Yiren on some random person’s couch. You miss them so much, but when you think about Jun and Minghao, all you can see is the hard work they’ve put into going where they’re headed.

You feel selfish as you bring a cup up to your lips. You feel pathetic and lame and if you weren’t already drunk, you’d be wallowing in self pity as well. The alcohol tastes just as bitter as your feelings, and while you wince when you gulp it down, you don’t hesitate to let some more run down your throat.

Yiren watches you worriedly when you clutch her arm and shut your eyes tight. “I miss them,” you whisper, and she doesn’t know if you’re talking to her or to yourself. She strokes your hair and coos to you about taking you to lie down somewhere.

Your head spins as she helps you stand, letting the cup fall to the ground, not bothering to pick it up. Yiren pulls you into an empty bedroom and sits you on the bed. “Drink this,” she instructs, handing you a bottle of water.

“Yiren, I miss them,” you repeat yourself.

“I know, I know you do. Do you want to go home? I’ll drive you and—”

“No, you go have fun. I just need to sit down for a sec,” you tell her, letting your back fall onto the mattress. Yiren gives you a warning look, but you shoo her off. “Trust me, I’ll be fine. I’ll call you if I need anything.” She looks like she wants to protest, but you both know you’re on a one track mind right now.

“Please don’t do anything stupid,” Yiren begs as she walks away and closes the door behind her. You’re still dizzy, but not nearly as bad as before. Sitting up, you glance around the room. It’s simple—probably a guest room in whoever’s house this is. Also probably why the door was unlocked in the first place.

You feel you might pass out until your eyes land on an open notebook on a table in the corner of the room. You don’t think twice before standing up and ripping a sheet out, scrambling for a pen.

DEAR MINGHAO

I’m drunk right now. I miss you and I miss Jun. I hope when you guys come back again, we can go to that karaoke place again and sing to Radiohead. I’ve expanded my taste you know—my favorite song is Fake Plastic Trees now, and I even got a record player just so I could play the vinyl for it. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.

When you come back, we should really go there again. Yiren’s been getting really tired of me singing Creep every time, so I need a new duo partner. And she’s leaving too, so there’s that.

I really want to kiss you right now, but you’re in Korea.

I miss Jun a lot too. I think I hate you for it. He’s my brother but somehow you get to see him more and talk to him more and be with him more. Sometimes I call him and it’s for less than five minutes and I hear your voice in the background and I don’t know if I want to listen to you speak forever or strangle you so you can never talk again. I get that Jun is busy, and that you’re busy, but you guys get to be busy together.

Yiren told me she’s probably going to go to college out of the country next year. I’m going to miss her like hell. I think I already miss her, and so I drag her to karaoke with me so she won’t ever forget about me and Radiohead and how garbage I am at singing Creep.

Jun says he’s going to come visit home in two months, and that you might come along. I didn’t know home was a place you only visit, but I guess being an idol changes you. I probably sound super bitter right now. I’m not. Maybe I’m upset that you guys are gone, but I really am happy for you.Jun is happy, and you’re happy, and I’m so happy you have each other.

It’s hard to focus on your exam—halfway through your degree and you still get the jitters every time you step into the testing hall. It’s probably the nerves. And the caffeine. And the fact that you’ll be seeing your brother and Minghao in three hours.

It’s mainly the third that has your leg bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet as you jot down your answers. The exam takes longer than you’d like to finish, but as soon as you’ve finished the final question, you’re bolting out of the large room and toward the parking lot.

Connecting your phone to your car, you call Jun as you back out of the parking spot. “Hey, you guys at the airport?” you ask when you hear him pick up.

“Yeah, we’re just getting out right now but there’s kind of a crowd so it might take a while to just get to the car.”

“I forgot you guys are, like, famous,” you mutter jokingly. “Where’re you headed first? Minghao’s place first?”

“Yeah probably. He’s gonna see his parents and stuff first and then I’ll go to Mom and Dad’s house, so you can just come there.”

“Okay … we’re still good for our dinner plans, right?”

“Yeah, actually I was wondering if Minghao could tag along,” Jun says, and you can hear some muffled shouting from the other side.

“Oh okay, yeah su—”

“Hey, look, there’s a lot of people here and I can’t hear much so just text me your response and I’ll get to you in a second,” Jun tells you quickly as the shouting grows louder. He hangs up soon after and you sigh heavily as you start driving to your parents house.

The ride is quiet but you’re happy to be met with gleeful parents when you get to their place. You’re all a bit spirited at the prospect of Jun coming home, so when you hear the old ringing of the door bell, you’re bolting to the door and swinging it open, jumping into his arms.

“What happened to ‘hi,’ ‘hello,’ ‘how are you?’” Jun teases as he hugs you close, awkwardly trying to shuffle into the house. You poke your tongue out at him when you finally unwind your arms from around him.

“Hi. Hello. How are you? You seem obnoxious, as always,” you shoot back, and Jun only grins, pinching your cheek tightly.

“Oh how I missed my little insane sister,” he says before moving onto your parents, enveloping them in hugs as you all begin to settle down in the living room. The four of you spend a few hours catching up with Jun before he excuses himself to freshen up so he can get ready for your plans for the evening.

When he comes back all ready, you’re pulling out your keys from your purse and waving bye to your parents, promising them you’ll stop by the next morning as you and your brother make your way to the door.

“See you later!” Jun calls out before closing the front door behind him and following you to your car. Minghao’s house is close by, no more than a five minute drive, and it’s quiet as you take the familiar roads through the town to get there.

“Should we go in?” you ask when you park in Minghao’s driveway. “You haven’t seen his parents in a while, have you?”

“Oh yeah, you’re right. C’mon, let’s go.” You both slip out of the car and make your way to the front door. Minghao’s mother opens the door and you spend a few minutes exchanging greetings and catching up before Minghao is stepping out, clad in some black jeans and a grey hoodie.

He smiles when he sees you, pulling you into a hug, giving you a chance to feel the slightly damp hair against your cheek and the woody smell that always reminds you of him. “Hey, how’s it been?” he asks when he pulls away.

“I-I’m good,” you say shyly.

“Let’s talk more in the car, yeah?” Jun suggests, turning back to Minghao’s parents to give them a hug before you all wave your goodbyes and get into your car.

“Where’re we headed?” Jun asks, as you back out of the driveway. Jun sits in the passenger seat while Minghao slips into the back.

“It’s this new place—opened just a few months ago so I doubt you’d have gone there yet,” you tell him as you start driving.

“Is it the place next to the cafe?” Minghao asks you, and you nod excitedly.

“Yeah … how’d you know?”

“My mom told me about it, and said I should try it out. I guess now’s my chance, huh.”

“Yeah! It’s really good, I hope you both like it,” you say, reaching over to the AUX controls to flick on one of your playlists. “Okay guys … are you ready?” you warn, watching Minghao’s eyes brighten through the mirror.

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you guys are going to sign Creep again—” Jun starts to groan, but you reach over and press a finger over his lips to shut him up.

“Quiet,” Minghao hisses to his friend, scooting forward in his seat so you’re in his view, placing his hands under your headrest. His fingers brush against the back of your neck and you’re scared you might crash the car from the way his touch makes you shiver. Fuck, more than half a damn decade and you still can’t fight it off. “Turn it up,” he instructs from behind, and you can only grin as you reach over and pump up the volume.

The deep rumble of snare and guitar echoes through the car as the song starts and you already feel your heart begin to swell in your chest. So when the first lines of, ‘when you were here before,’ leave your lips, you aren’t sure if you feel your heart mending itself, or if it’s salt being poured on the wound.

Because from behind you is Minghao’s voice, so deep and velvety and angelic it has you almost in a trance. He’s been good at singing, always, but now his voice sounds … mature, and developed and … and you love it.

You think back to the first time you sang Creep with him, and the lyrics already have you reminiscing when you both sing, ‘couldn’t look you in the eye,’ because goddammit you still struggle to look at Minghao for too long because you’re scared you’ll get lost.

And when it gets to the part before the bass is blaring in your ears, Minghao and you are singing, ‘I wish I was special, you’re so fuckin’ special,’ at the top of your lungs and you can’t help but let the irony sink in.

Now you’re pretty sure when Thom wrote Creep, he didn’t mean it to be about your love life, especially not the non-existent one between you and your brother’s best friend, but Thom is speaking to you right now, and you wonder if Minghao can hear the way you’re singing from your heart. How you’re singing for him.

When the song comes to an end, Minghao’s fingers brush over the nape of your neck one last time before he retreats back into his seat. You try to not mull on the feeling any longer, shaking your head of all of those thoughts when you near the restaurant.

“Here it is!” you chirp, parking the car on the curb. The three of you shuffle out of the car casually, making your way to the entrance.

“Looks nice,” Minghao comments as he opens the door for you and Jun. Your brother hops in merrily and you and Minghao both share a soft smile as you go inside too, your body nearly jerking when you feel his hand on the small of your back as he follows behind you.

His touch is warm and gentle and—fuck, does he know what he’s doing to you right now?

You’re more relieved than anything when he finally lets his arm drop, the three of you making your way to the table you booked. You were scared that if Minghao stayed close any longer, he’d be able to feel your heart beating through your chest.

You guys sit down at the table, Jun next to you while Minghao settles across the two of you. “So how’s your classes going?” he asks you as you look through the menu. “Jun said you had an exam today, right?”

“Yeah, it was my final one,” you tell him with a sigh of relief. “It was stressful preparing for it but it went better than I thought.”

“Good to hear,” Minghao says as a waiter comes along to pick up on your orders. After he leaves, Jun turns to you.

“What’s Yiren up to?” Jun asks you curiously. “Haven’t seen that girl in ages.”

“She’s, uh, she’s good,” you reply. “I haven’t seen her in a while either … she went off to college in Korea, remember?”

Minghao chuckles, “Seems like everyone’s going there, huh? Maybe you should pull up too.”

You scrunch up your face and shake your head while you take a sip of water. “I think I like this place too much to leave. Plus, who’s going to take care of our old folks if I leave too?” you tease, nudging your brother in the side.

“Mom and Dad can take care of themselves just fine,” Jun shrugs, ruffling your hair as the waiter brings along some food.

“Looks good,” Minghao says, holding up some chopsticks as you all look down at the sizzling dishes in front of you.

“It is! See?” you say pointedly, looking up at Jun. “Imagine I moved to Korea—I wouldn’t be able to eat this.” Your brother only rolls his eyes and Minghao and you laugh together while you dig in.

As you work through your meal and catch each other up on your lives, Minghao eventually leans back in his seat and sighs heavily. “I’m really craving something sweet right now.”

“I’d say we should pick up some pastries from the cafe next door but they closed two hours ago,” you say sadly.

“Oh shit, I forgot about that place. They made the best chocolate buns ever,” Jun mutters to himself, polishing off his plate.

“Let’s go to the cafe tomorrow evening, yeah?” Minghao suggests as he takes a sip of water. At the suggestion, you chew at your lip.

“Uh, I don’t think I can go then,” you say, hoping they won’t pry any further.

Of course, your brother doesn’t allow you a second of peace. “Why not? Your last exam was today, right?”

“Yeah, but I have stuff to do,” you reply nonchalantly. Jun scoffs and tugs your ear, causing you to whine. “What was that for?!”

“You didn’t clear your schedule out for me? I thought you missed me! You know I have to leave in like a week,” he complains, and you and Minghao share an amused look as you nudge Jun on the side.

“Relax, you can have me in the morning and afternoon and everything … I just have to go somewhere for the evening.”

“You’re being really ominous about this, you know,” Jun retorts, crossing his arms over his chest. “Where’re you going?”

You chew on your tongue, contemplating if this is the right moment to bring it up, or if you should even tell Jun and Minghao this at all. “I just have to see someone.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Jun groans. “You’re literally asking me to pry. Tell me who—a boyfriend?” You chuckle nervously, eyes flickering between Minghao and your brother, shaking your head.

“No—not a boyfriend,” you say dryly, scoffing at the irony. “Remember Renjun? I told you about him when I was in freshman year.”

“Vaguely. Remind me who he is again?”

“He’s just a guy, and he has some of my stuff I need to pick up.” Both Minghao and Jun cock an eyebrow at you after that. “What?” you huff, leaning back in your seat.

“An ex?” Minghao asks and your face burns.

“I—yeah,” you say casually. “An ex.”

Jun frowns deeply. “I didn’t know you and Renjun ever dated. I didn’t even know you ever had a boyfriend,” he says, voice evidently upset that he was left out of this.

“It wasn’t that serious,” you pat his shoulder as to soften the blow. “Plus it happened when you were on tour—we hardly talked then.”

“Still! You could’ve told me!” You bite back a, ‘But could I really?’ because this isn’t the time or place for that.

“It’s whatever. I just need to pick up some stuff I left at his place and—”

“So it ended pretty recently then?” Minghao piques, and your eyebrows furrow, slightly annoyed by both of their belated interest in your love life.

“What, no! It’s been months and—wait, I don’t see how that’s any of your guys’ business,” you huff and Minghao backs off a little, but Jun still stays curiously leaning in.

“Whatever. You’ll be available to come with us to the lake on Friday though, right?” Jun asks, pulling out his phone and holding it up to your face to show you a picture of a lake house. “I booked a place to stay the night and all.”

“Of course I’m going to come—I’ve been looking forward to it!”

“Good,” Jun says gruffly, still somewhat glaring at you.

You give him a funny look. “What?”

“I’m still mad you never told me—you’re supposed to tell me this stuff! How else am I supposed to know that you’re doing fine on your own and actually growing up.”

“Oh my god, Jun, I’m an adult! Did you think I would never have boyfriends?”

“No! At least not without telling me!”

You chuckle and Minghao follows in suit, enjoying the little sibling bicker. “Okay fine. I’m sure I’ll be telling you every detail of my love life when it gets resurrected.”

Minghao snorts at your use of words, and you revel in the way the sound makes you feel. Fuck it, it’s been more than half a decade and you still get butterflies—you can’t fight away the feeling, so you might as well wallow in it.

You wonder what Jun would think about this—your love life being pulled and shaken by his own best friend. Oh well, some secrets are best kept hidden anyways.

“Here’s your stuff,” Renjun says softly, handing you a paper bag that’s stuffed with a wide array of your belongings.

“Thank you. Is my pink jacket in there? I’ve been looking for it for a while and I didn’t know if I left it at yours,” you ask timidly, holding the paper bag close to your chest.

He scratches the back of his head as he steps back, nodding. “Uh, yeah I think it’s at the bottom.” You peer down at the contents of your back, and give a half smile when you see the pink cloth peeking out from underneath.

“Thanks for taking care of my stuff. I know you’ve basically moved out and all.”

“No worries. Do you, uh, need a ride home or anything? It’s pretty cold.”

You purse your lips at the offer, but shake your head. “It’s fine …” There’s an awkward silence and you quickly wonder if you should say anything more. Renjun looks awfully … apologetic right now and you feel there’s some more you can say. “How’s your new place? Have you seen it?”

“Yeah, I flew up there a few weeks back to get some of my main stuff shipped. A nice apartment, way bigger than whatever I had here,” he says with an awkward chuckle. You appreciate the effort.

Nodding, you tighten your grip on the bag. “That’s good to hear. I hope it all goes well with you. I … I think I’ll be taking my leave now. My brother’s back in town so …”

“Oh yeah, I heard from Jianing. Hope you’re having a good time—I know you haven’t seen him in ages.”

“Thank you. Anyways, I’m gonna get going now. Thanks again,” you say as you step back, throwing out a small wave.

A half-hearted, “See you,” leaves Renjun’s lips as you turn on your heel and start walking back to the bus station. There’s no promise of seeing Renjun later, or ever again, and something cold sinks in your stomach at the thought.

The thought that this all could’ve been avoided if Renjun hadn’t gotten that stupid job offer hundreds of miles away. If he didn’t decide to pack his bags and fly away just like Jun, like Yiren, like Minghao. Renjun was leaving, just like everyone else.

You clutch the paper bag close to your chest as you make your way to the bus stop, one hand fumbling in the pocket of your jacket as you search for your wallet and within seconds you’re a frantic mess. “Shit,” you mutter under your breath. “Shit, shit, shit!” you cry out when you drop your bag and pat frantically over your pockets to try and feel for your wallet.

Your digging into every crook of the coat and there’s a growing feeling of dread that washes over you once you realize that you lost your fucking wallet. Hands clenched at your side, you feel hot tears well up in your lash line as you stare down at the ground, letting in the shitty events of today sink in.

You don’t even know why you’re crying now. It’s hardly even cries, really, you’re downright sobbing as you plop down on the curb of the empty street, fumbling with your phone as you pull up Jun’s contact. Pressing the phone to your ear, you shut your eyes tight in an attempt to calm down your breath, but when you hear the line go dead you cry even harder, realizing that Jun is probably napping right now.

“Fuck my life,” you complain to yourself, letting your head hang low as you scroll through your phone. You aren’t even sure what compels you to click on him but before you know it you’re on speaker as you hear the buzzing of the phone as you wait for Minghao to pick up.

One ring. Maybe he’s busy.

Two rings. He might be looking for his phone.

Three rings. He probably won’t pick up.

Four rings, and you’re about to hang up but then it stops. “Minghao?”

Minghao’s voice is cool and calm when he says your name. “Do you—”

“I need your help,” you say so quietly you aren’t sure if he’ll be able to hear it. And then Minghao hears it: your soft pants and shaky breath and something about the sound has him squeezing his phone tightly.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m—” No, I feel like shit and I’m freezing my ass off and it’s so cold and I need you to help me. “Can you pick me up? I lost my wallet which has my bus card. I’m sorry, I know it’s a little late and you’re probably busy but—”

“Send me your location.”

Minghao is pulling up in his black car within twenty minutes and by then you’ve had enough time to wipe the tears from your face and piece together yourself to look presentable. Rolling down the windows as you wave over to his car, you hear the doors click and you’re roughly yanking on the door and throwing your stuff and yourself in.

Minghao raises a brow at your ruckus, asking once again, “Are you okay?” When you only sigh heavily, buckling yourself up, you hope Minghao will just leave it alone. You’d rather not talk about the stupid breakdown you just had in front of your childhood crush.

Minghao clearly doesn’t get the message, so when he starts the engine again, he murmurs, “Have you been crying?” You purse your lips together tightly as if the question itself as the tears bubbling up to the surface once again. “Did meeting with Renjun not go well?” You’re surprised he remembers his name—Minghao was never great with names. “Can you say something? I’m worried.”

“Sorry,” you say softly, letting your shoulder drop down, and from the corner of your vision you see Minghao watching you carefully. “I-I just got overwhelmed. And it was cold. Really cold. And then—” You take a shaky breath. “—and I lost my fucking wallet on top of it and it’s all so shitty and—”

His hand is on your shoulder and you hardly realize that Minghao has pulled over and parked so he can turn to face you. You’re crying again and you don’t even know how this fucking happened, all you know is that there’s so much going on in your head and Minghao is right there, he’s so close but then again, he’s so far.

“Hey, hey calm down for a sec’,” he says calmly, gripping your arm firmly. “Breathe slowly, and tell me what happened.”

You inhale sharply through your nose and scrunch your face up as you bury your head in your hands. In your right mind, you wouldn’t even think about telling Minghao about what’s on your mind but it’s been a really terrible past hour and you can’t control yourself.

“Renjun’s leaving. Didn’t want to do long distance and so he’s gone and—fuck, I don’t even blame him but why’d he have to leave,” you ramble, tears streaming down your flushed cheeks as Minghao pats your back gently.

“Did he say something to you when you met with him?” he asked, tone laced with concern. “I’m sorry, I’m just—are you o—okay please don’t cry.”

You don’t know why, but Minghao telling you to cry only makes the tears fall faster. “And Yiren—” you hiccup, “Yiren left too, I haven’t seen her in months and Jun a-a-and you—you’ve all been gone.” You don’t realize when Minghao grabs both your shoulders and forces you to face him completely.

“Slow down, please. No one’s left you, we’re all going to be here for you, you know that. Did Renjun say something which made you think like this?” he asks, the grip on your shaking shoulders growing tighter as you desperately try to steady yourself.

“N-no, but you’re not here. I hardly ever get to see my own brother and Yiren and you and Renjun and everything is so shitty I just—” you cry out and suddenly you stumble forward in the seat and before you know it Minghao’s arms are around you.

It’s not like you haven’t hugged him before but this is the first time you’re blubbering into his shoulder about your feelings, and if you weren’t so sad, you’d be fucking appalled. His warm hand is on your back, rubbing up and down slowly until you’ve finally found the conscience to actually breathe and realize just what’s going on.

Slowly, you pull away from Minghao’s hold, furiously wiping away at your face to dry yourself, looking down at your lap bashfully. “I am so sorry, what the fuck, I-I don’t know what came over me,” you blurt out when Minghao drops his hands from your shoulder. You miss the warmth, but you’re quite very embarrassed with yourself and don’t have the will to chase after his touch.

“Please don’t apologize,” Minghao replies softly, watching you with wide eyes. “That … was a lot and—”

“I’m sorry, look, I was just having a shitty day and it all piled up and you just—I don’t know I guess, let’s just pretend this never happened,” you beg with him. Minghao’s face looks like he wants to say more, but you really can’t tell with the way his eyes are clouded.

“Are you sure? You know you can talk to me.”

You gulp at the irony. No, you really can’t. You can’t tell Minghao anything, really, because even after crying and sobbing and wailing in his car he still looks at you with so much care and it has these stupid fucking butterflies erupting in your stomach like you’re fifiteen with a massive crush on your brother’s best friend.

“Can you just please drive me to my place?” you ask, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “I think I just really need to sleep.”

You can tell Minghao still has questions, but you don’t seem too willing to answer them so he doesn’t say anything when he nods and turns back to the road. The ride is silent, and when he finally parks he pats your shoulder.

You look out the window and furrow your eyebrows. “This isn’t my apartment complex …” you tell him, confused as you see a convenience store in front of you. The same one.

“C’mon, I know you love pop,” he says casually, unbuckling his seatbelt leaving you with no other choice to follow behind him. There’s an odd sense of deja vu that envelopes over you, shoving your pockets into your jacket shyly.

“Remember the last time we were here?” Minghao asks with a chuckle as you guys walk into the store.

“Don’t remind me,” you murmur. “That was a shitty day.”

Minghao gives you a nervous smile as he pulls out a can from the fridge and hands it to you, grabbing his own bottle as well. “Yeah, but Cola made it better, right?”

“I guess it did. Cola always makes things better,” you admit. “Hey, fuck you,” you say jokingly when Minghao pulls out his wallet. “You should’ve taken me here another time when I actually had my wallet—I need to pay you back for that day!” you whine with a pout. “Now I’m in debt to you twice! You’ve bought me two Colas!”

Minghao rolls his eyes playfully as he pays for the drinks. “Yeah well things are different now, and I’m pretty sure my wallet doesn’t care about the cost of two Colas.”

“Is Mr. Big and Famous too good for my money now?” you huff when you step back outside, opening your Cola. “I will pay you back, no matter how stupidly rich you get.”

“I’ll have to hold you to that,” Minghao laughs as you slip back into his car. The air is lighter as he drives you back to your place for real this time, and the lingering feeling of pop on your tongue is sweet and fun.

“Thank you for the ride. And the Cola,” you add when he’s in front of your building.

“You remember what I said?”

You nod as you step out of the car, picking up your brown bag. “Thank you so much for this. I’m sorry again.”

“Stop apologizing. Is there … is there anything else I can do? You want another Cola perhaps?”

“Very funny, but I don’t think I want to be jumping off the walls tonight …” you answer, closing the door but still peering through the open window. You think for a second as you chew your lip, nodding when you come up with something. “But do me a favor … don’t tell Jun.”

Jun takes you out to the lake house he booked three mornings after you met with Renjun and sobbed to Minghao in his car. It’s a refreshing turn of events, if you’re being honest, and you’re eager to sink into a relaxing weekend after a stressful exam season.

Your brother drives the three hours on the way with the promise of you driving on the way home hung over your head. When you reach the house—a medium sized cabin perched right by the lake and surrounded by trees and mountains—you’re greeted with the sight of Minghao sitting in his car and scrolling on his phone.

As you and Jun pile out of the car and grab your bags, Minghao comes out too, walking toward you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Thought you guys would never come. If you were gonna be late you should’ve just given me the keys to this place,” he says with a huff.

“Don’t blame me,” Jun shrugs, locking the car after you’ve both taken out your stuff, walking up to the cabin’s entrance. “She’s the one who wanted to stop and buy some pop.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t want it either,” you retort, reaching into your tote bag to hand Minghao a can of Cola. “Here,” you offer with a smile which he returns gleefully.

“Okay actually, totally valid reason,” Minghao says, flicking open the can before taking a sip.

“Hey! Don’t be on her side,” Jun whines as he opens up the cabin. Minghao and you chuckle together, your heart warming at the sound as you three start to load your things into the house. Minghao doesn’t say anything about that night when he picked you up, and for that much you’re grateful. This much, you can manage.

By the time you all have settled your things into your respective rooms it’s noon and the sun pummels down with admirable strength. As you stick your head out of your room, you catch Jun making his way down the hallway toward the bathroom.

“You going for a swim?” you ask, gesturing down to your swimsuit that you’ve already eagerly put on.

“Nah, I’m gonna go later. I need to take a call right now,” he says with a sigh and you nod, about to retreat back to your room before Minghao walks out of his own room.

“I’ll go if you’re going,” Minghao tells you casually, and you don’t waste a second to nod. “Give me five so I can get changed and then we can go out.”

You jump down the hall excitedly after he closes the door behind him, making your way to the backyard porch which leads into a deck over the lake. As you place your towel on one of the chairs outside, you hear the sliding door open.

Minghao walks out shirtless, lower half only covered with his swim trunks as he runs a hand through his shaggy hair, shaking his head lightly as he makes his way towards you, placing his towel next to yours. “Thanks for waiting … shit, it’s hot as hell,” he murmurs, and you’re thankful that you’re facing away from him right now—you aren’t sure you’d be able to handle the proximity and the sight of his bare upper body.

“Yeah,” you agree, finally straightening your back and putting some distance between the two of you when you start walking towards the edge of the deck. “The water’s so clear,” you think out loud, looking down at the blue lake in front of you.

“It’s really pretty … you want a picture?” Minghao suggests, walking up behind you.

“I would, but I left my phone inside.”

“Let’s just take it on my phone,” he says casually, holding up his phone in front of you, waving at you to step back a little so he can take a picture. “A candid one would look pretty with this view—like you’re looking out at the lake and stuff,” he begins to say, placing a smooth hand on your shoulder so he can manually turn you around so that you’re facing away from him.

When he lets his hand drop, it brushes over the curve of your hip and you have to bite down on your lip to stop the pathetic whimper that threatens to escape your lips. Luckily, Minghao can’t see the pained expression that makes its way onto your face as he steps back holding up his phone.

“Okay ready …” he calls out from further behind. “Three … two … one!” You hear a faint tapping sound as you still, letting Minghao take the pictures as you wait patiently. It takes a few moments, and you’re about to ask him how much longer he’s going to go at it before you hear the sound of something being dropped, and then a few rattling thuds.

“Minghao, what—” you begin to question as you slowly turn on your heel but by then it’s too late. “WHAT THE F—”

Your scream is cut off short when Minghao runs forward and lunges at you, one arm wrapping itself around your waist as he jumps into the water, bringing you down with him. The cool water of the lake hits your body and the wind gets punched out of your lungs as you feel your limbs entangle with his. Instinctevely, your arms tighten around one of his as your eyes press closed tightly as you feel your warm body start to level with the temperature around you.

And so even as your legs kick around for a few panicked moments, you begin to feel oddly at peace when your head finally reaches the surface of the water, Minghao’s hand still steady over your hips as you gasp for air.

“You’re a bitch for that,” you say, a few choked giggles escaping your lips as you do. Minghao finally unwinds his arm from yours, and while you miss the contact, his body is still dangerously close to yours, and you figure that that is already more than you can manage.

Minghao smiles gleefully, pushing his face so close that it’s right up in front of you. “Mm maybe, but it was really funny. Got it on video too.”

“What?!” you screech, swimming backward so quickly that you hit  your head on the wooden platform of the deck. “Crap!” you exclaim, hand immediately flying up to press against the throbbing crown of your head. Minghao’s eyes widen with concern as he wades his way towards you, tall enough to still have his feet touch the lake bottom unlike you.

“Shit, I’m sorry, are you okay?” he asks worriedly, his own hand coming up to feel the back of your head. His eyes are big and brown as he looks down at you, and for this moment, you forget about the dull ache and bask in the way the sun hits his skin so perfectly he glows.

“I’m fine!” you squeak quickly, letting your hand drop so you can tread in the water lightly, slowly moving a safe distance away from the deck.

“A-are you sure?” he probes, making his way to you, and you have a moment to admire him from afar—the way his hair is matted against his forehead and water drops gather at his lashes, making his eyes look prettier than ever.

You chuckle at the way his lips are pursed together apologetically, and you splash some water at him to lighten the mood. “Yes, Minghao, I’m great. I hardly hit myself.” Minghao’s face looks uneasy, and you laugh again.

It takes a few more minutes of you trying to convince him that you’re totally fine before he finally lets it go. Eventually, you find yourself on a big inflated duck-shaped floaty, laying down with your face up and eyes closed. You lose track of time, enjoying the white noise of Minghao splashing around in the water around you, drifting off into a hazy state until you hear a loud yell and feel yourself being flipped over and off your floaty.

“Jun!” you whine, rubbing your eyes as you furiously push hair off your face when you resurface, glaring at both Jun and Minghao laugh side by side. “You guys have to stop doing this to me,” you groan, eyes finally adjusting to its normal state.

“What are you talking about?” Jun asks innocently as you make your way over to the two of them, not bothering to turn your duck floatie back up right. “It was just an accident I fell on you—hey!” he yells out when you lunge at him. Minghao steps back quickly as you and Jun waddle and fight in the water, splashing water at each other while you try and get your revenge.

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry,” Jun admits with a pout. “You didn’t do this to Minghao after he dunked you in the water,” he complains as you release him.

You narrow your eyes. “How do you know about that?”

“He sent me the video.”

“Minghao!” you exclaim, turning to the boy who is now treading around a meter in front of you. He only shrugs and grins cheekily.

“It was really funny,” Jun tells you with a laugh. “I might just post it on my story.”

“Oh my god, don’t you dare.”

Jun only shakes his head and starts slowly swimming further into the lake. “Don’t worry—I wouldn’t do that. Minghao can’t have any dating rumors, now can he?”

You chew on your lip, not responding. Minghao doesn’t say anything either, only chuckling along with your brother as he follows after him. You aren’t sure what to say to that, and the comment leaves some uneasy feeling hanging in your stomach.

Fuck, maybe you did hit your head hard.

You three spend a good few hours out in the lake until it’s evening. It’s a slow day and you start to realize just how much you missed spending time with your brother and Minghao like this—it isn’t often they get the opportunity to do things like this, so you’re grateful that they decided to share some of their few days of peace with you.

The second day is even hotter than the first, and you wake from your sleep early in the morning when the sky is still blooming with purple and orange hues. Crawling out from your bed, you make your way downstairs. If it was just you and your brother, you wouldn’t be so mindful about keeping your noise levels down because god knows that Jun can sleep through just about anything, but, Minghao is with you guys now, and you’d hate to sour his experience even just a little by accidentally waking him up for being too loud.

So you can imagine your surprise when you walk into the kitchen to see Minghao already leaning against the counter as he scrolls through his phone. He hasn’t noticed you and you contemplate leaving it like that for a few moments.

He’s wearing a tight fit, black, sleeveless top that shows off the curve of his shoulders and lets the sparkle of his silver chain glint under the morning light. Minghao is attractive—you and the millions of people in his comments know that—and you feel an odd sense of pride well up in your stomach that you’re one of the few people who get to see him like this.

With his hair messy and brushing over his eyes, legs crossed over each other as he presses his body weight against the kitchen island, bare skin glowing from the natural light, he’s beautiful.

Your face heats up when you realize you’ve just been staring at him, so you quickly clear your throat. “Good morning,” you chirp, walking into the kitchen so he can finally see you.

Minghao looks up from his phone, tucking it into the pocket of his sweatpants to greet you with a smile. “Hey, I didn’t know you were up. How’s your head doing?” he asks shyly, walking over to casually run his hand over that same spot on the crown of your head.

It’s an oddly intimate gesture, and if you didn’t know any better, your heart might have given out from the way he was touching you. Still, you know he’s just checking to see if it’s swollen, but your heart flutters anyways.

“I-it’s fine,” you reply, opening the fridge to pull out some orange juice as his hand drops. “I didn’t know you were an early riser. Jun always sleeps in whenever he gets the chance.”

“Yeah, well that’s why he’s paged as a literal cat by everyone,” Minghao says with a chuckle as you place a jug on the counter. “Do you want some tea? I’m just boiling the water now so I can add some more if you want.”

“Sure, that’ll be nice.” You pour yourself some orange juice. “Do you want to eat something? I brought some cupcakes to have for breakfast,” you offer, reaching into one of the bags you didn’t unpack to pull out a box.

“Are they those cupcakes?”

“Yup—the one and only!” you exclaim, opening the lid to show him. Minghao grins, pulling two out.

“God, I missed these. Y’know, Jun actually gave your recipe to Mingyu too, but he just doesn’t make them the same,” Minghao tells you, and your eyes light up.

“Really? Poor Mingyu,” you say with a sigh.

“If you ever end up visiting us in Korea, you should really make some,” Minghao suggests as he goes to take care of the boiling water, dropping some tea leaves into it before moving the water into a pot. Then, pulling out two small cups and plates, he says, “Me and Jun have told the others about how good you make them, but they really need to try them.”

“I’d love to,” you say with a grin, giddy with the way Minghao is boosting your ego. As he pours out the tea into two mugs, you put the cupcakes on the small plates, looking out to the glass sliding door which leads to the porch by the lake. “You want to eat outside? The sky looks really beautiful now, and the weather looks like it’s nice too.”

Minghao nods, holding up the two mugs while you grab the plates and follow him outside and onto the little shaded porch where you sit by two of the chairs and the small, knee level coffee table. The sky is still deep in its changing colors, and you pull out your phone to take some pictures.

“Can you take some pictures of me? For my WeVerse and Instagram and stuff?” he asks when you’re done, holding out his phone in your direction.

“Yeah, of course.” Leaning back after you grab his phone, you position yourself as Minghao poses. “Lean back a little more so the background can—yeah, perfect …” You take a few photos, and Minghao nods happily when you show him.

“Can you take some more candid ones?”

“Sure, let’s switch spots. I think it’ll look nicer if it looks like you’re looking out to the lake from here,” you suggest, getting up from your seat. Minghao complies without protest and you spend a few more minutes taking some pictures before finally handing him the phone. “You like them?”

“Hell yeah I do,” he says, looking through his phone. “You’re great at this,” he compliments sincerely.

“I’m used to taking the kinda pictures you guys like now … Jun has trained me well,” you joke, sitting back in the seat and reaching for your own cup of tea. It’s quiet for a few moments as you both relax and watch the sky grow brighter by the minute.

Jun wakes up an hour later, trudging out his room with groggy eyes as you poke fun of him. The morning is slow for a short while after that before Minghao is reminding you all that you need to start heading back home. The two of them are leaving for Korea in two days, after all, and that leaves them with only today and tomorrow to completely bask in themselves and the rest of their family, so you pack your things and end your stay at the cabin before the clock hits noon.

That night, after you drive yourself and Jun home and you retreat to the comfort of your apartment, you flop down onto your couch and pull out your phone. You’re met with a few notifications from WeVerse and Instagram, casually scrolling through the apps when your eyes catch a few familiar pictures.

It’s on Instagram and you recognize the bright orange of the rising sky that sits behind Minghao who is smiling into the camera. The next picture is a candid one of him looking at the lake while he drinks some tea, and the third is a picture of the cupcake you made.

You grin at the picture—the rest of the world won’t know it, but you definitely do—it’s a little piece of you that Minghao is sharing with the world. Though, you aren’t sure if he put as much thought into it as you are right now.

Brushing it off as Minghao just wanting to share a pretty picture of a nice looking cupcake, you purse your lips together only for them to be parted when you read his caption.

i’m a weirdo

Scrolling through the comments, you come across people saying, many among the following:

ur not a weirdo >:c fellow radiohead fanatic i see is the8 a certified creep? o: i didn’t know minghao liked radiohead … another reason to stan!

As you ignore the increased palpitating of your heart at the idea that Minghao quoted a line from, in your opinion, “your guys’ song.” you sit and think for a moment about what to do. You consider just liking the post and scrolling past it before a funny thought crosses your mind, and so you start typing into the comments.

i wonder who took these pics lol

No one’s going to see it. Minghao is definitely not going to see it, but you giggle to yourself anyways. You’re about to put your phone down when you get a notification of a reply to your comment. Curious, you open it up, and see that it’s just a random person.

imagine it’s his gf

You laugh to yourself. You wish.

The last day or two with Jun goes as they always do when he’s here—slow, but all that you need. He spends his time at your parents house and you stop by for lunch and dinner the day after you both return from the lake house.

The afternoon, you both went down to the cafe and stocked up on chocolate buns—Jun’s request—and spent the rest of your time until evening going over your plans for the rest of the summer. You enjoy this part, always. Not Jun leaving—of course not—but spending these tame moments with him.

It makes you wonder what things would have been like if he never left. Maybe he’d move out for university someplace else, but you’d get to see him more, probably. Get to hang out with him every weekend, instead of every two months.

You shake yourself off the thought as you drive to your parents house. Having Jun around more often would be nice, but there isn’t any point in dreaming about the impossible.

As you pull up to the driveway and park your car, you notice Minghao standing out by the front door with his suitcase and a bag. “Hey, looking for Jun?”

“Well, yeah. Of course I wanna say bye to you both before you go … is the van here yet?”

“Nah, it’s still taking some time but Jun is on the other side of the house to see if the car is gonna come from that side,” he explains.

“I’m gonna miss you guys … you know when you’re both going to come next?” you ask, voice softer than you anticipated.

“I really don’t know—I’m sorry. You know how things are.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, shoulders deflating as you look down at the ground..

“I know—it’s not … it's not easy for Jun, either, I can tell. It isn’t easy for any of us to leave.” When Minghao finishes speaking you only nod, and as your eyes meet,you feel like there’s something he wants to say. “Hey,” he murmurs quietly.

A heavy hand is placed on your shoulder, and you feel you might as well sink to the ground and let the earth swallow you up. “If you’re going to talk about—”

“Hear me out, yeah?” Minghao cuts you off, and when you open your mouth in protest, he continues. “Don’t …” he inhales deeply before saying, “Don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way, okay?”

You cross your arms over your chest. “That really depends on what you’re going to say.”

“Okay, just … just listen. Jun, and me, and Yiren, and Renjun—” God, why is he bringing this up? “—we aren’t trying to hurt you.”

“Of course I know that.” Your eyebrows knit together and Minghao sighs at your reaction, letting his hand fall from your shoulder. You miss the touch, but your mind is a little too preoccupied with trying to decipher Minghao’s words to dwell on it.

“I’m just saying … you shouldn’t try to depend on anyone.” You open your mouth and then close it, trying to figure out how the hell he expects you to respond to this.

“What d’you mean?”

“Well I mean,” he huffs before continuing, shoving his hands in his pockets, “you obviously have been … upset about people leaving you and you can’t expect everyone to stick around forever.”

“If you’re talking about Renjun, he was my boyfriend. I think it’s okay for me to expect someone who I’m dating to ‘stick around,’ even though it might not be forever.”

“I guess, but it’s not just Renjun, right? Jun … Yiren … me …” he voice trails off.

“I basically spent my whole middle and high school years around you and Yiren, and Jun is literally my brother. Do you think me wanting the people I quite literally grew up around to be here for me is being ‘dependant?’”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I mean we were all going to grow up eventually? Look, don’t take this the wrong way and—”

“Excuse me?” you blurt out harshly, taking a step back, scoffing before you continue. “I wouldn’t be taking this the wrong way if you obviously didn’t mean it the wrong way. You basically just said I’m not independent.”

Minghao frowns at your reaction before responding, “I didn’t say that. I just said you shouldn’t depend on anyone.”

“Which implies that I am depending on people unnecessarily!”

Minghao adjusts his backpack straps as he says, “I mean you did cry for quite a while about how people are leaving you. I just don’t want you to get more hurt by being dependent on others.”

“Thanks for the concern,” you shoot sarcastically, “but I’m not dependent on anyone. I was upset that night because all the people closest to me have moved away and if you ask any normal person, I’m pretty sure they’d agree that that’s a valid reason to cry a little. So sorry if that was too much for you.” You say the last part with disgust laced on your tongue, and you watch Minghao’s face grow increasingly sour as you go on.

“Okay, now you’re just twisting my words,” Minghao huffs, glancing around to make sure that no one is close by.

“What the hell Minghao,” you scoff, clenching your fists at your side. You don’t want to be the person to jump down his throat, but you can’t help but feel like you’re being talked down to. “Why—why are you acting like I’m still a little kid. I’m more than Jun’s little sister, you do know that right?”

“Oh my god, seriously?” Minghao retorts, eyebrows rising in a mix of disbelief and irritation. “You think that’s what this is about? For fuck’s sake I’m just looking out for you.”

“Exactly!” you exclaim, pointing an accusing finger at him. “There’s no reason for that! Like I said, I’m not some little girl anymore and I’ve been looking out for myself for years. You just happened to catch me in a moment where I let myself be sad about it which, again, is a totally valid thing to be sad about.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Well congratulations! You were unsuccessful,” you mumble out, feeling an ugly knot build up in your throat. “I trusted you,” you say softly, and Minghao looks at you with eyes so apologetic you almost think about forgiving him. “That night after I saw Renjun—I-I trusted you,” you add more harshly this time. “And I cried to you even though we haven’t properly spoken in fuck knows how long and you take all that and make me out to seem like some sort of defenseless kid—”

“Can you stop—you’re putting words into my mouth. I never said you were defenseless or not independent or anything like that—I don’t even know why you think I would think of you like that because you know that’s not true.”

“Minghao, I don’t know if you’ve realized but it’s been years since we've talked properly. Just because—” You take a deep breath before continuing your bitter words. “—just because you get to live your stupidly amazing life with my brother by your side doesn’t mean that you know me and that I know you, because clearly we don’t know each other at all!”

“I’m sorry?” he says exasperatedly. “Sorry I care about you or whatever, even though things have changed.”

You scowl, and in your right mind you wouldn’t let your next words slip out of your mouth. “Well don’t. I’ve been fine without your sympathy so far, I’m pretty sure I can go on a bit longer.”

Minghao is about to respond, you can tell from the way his hands fiddle at his sides, but then there’s a buzzing and you reach into your pocket to pull out your phone. “Hey Jun,” you say, answering the call without meeting Minghao’s gaze. “… Yeah, he’s with me, we’re just waiting for the car … okay I’ll tell him.”

Tucking the device back into your pocket, you look at Minghao. “Jun is asking for you on the other side of the house. You should go,” you say flatly and you can tell from the look on his face that he wants to say more, but holds back.

Grabbing his suitcase, he tears his eyes from you and doesn’t look back after saying, “See you,” walking away and around the corner of the street. There’s that similar chill that takes over your body when Minghao says the same words Renjun said just a few nights before, and you silently wonder if this is history repeating itself.

“So,” Yiren says as she plops down onto your couch, kicking her feet up onto your coffee table. “How’d meeting with Renjun go? He give you your shit back?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” you grumble as you walk over and nudge her legs to get her to put them down. “And you can’t just flop down and sit! Put your suitcase away so it’s not in the middle of the room,” you order, trying to be stern as Yiren sticks her tongue out at you.

“So bossy—your best friend is visiting your cute little abode and you can’t help her out with her stuff?” Yiren juts out her bottom lip into a pout as you sit next to her and wrap your arms around her waist, sinking into the couch. “Okay what’s going on. You’re being extra snappish …” she asks a bit more seriously, pulling away from your hold to get a better look at you. “Was it Renjun? Did he say something before he left?”

“No!” you say quickly, looking away bashfully, leaning back against the arm rest. You fucking wish you were in this sour mood because of Renjun because you could manage that. Renjun is gone, and it would hurt but you’d get over it.

You aren’t sure how long it’ll take to get over Minghao, if you ever do at all.

“Are you lying to me? You know I can tell when you’re not telling the truth.”

“I am telling the truth.” Just not all of it, you think to yourself.

Yiren sighs loudly, sitting up straight and facing you completely. “You are so bad at this. C’mon tell me—what’d he say? Or was it not Renjun—Jun? Which Jun was it? Did you and Jun fight?”

“I—”

“Like that one time two years ago and you didn’t talk to each other until he came back a month later and—”

You cringe at the memory, slapping a hand over her mouth. “Yiren don’t bring that up. I hated that.”

“Okay sorry,” she says sheepishly. “But seriously—what was it? Renjun? Jun? Which one? Or wait—Min—oh my gosh, don’t tell me it was Minghao!” When you take more than a second to respond, Yiren gasps. “Oh god, it was Minghao.”

She stands up quickly, looking down at your figure on the couch. Before you can say anything, she turns on her heel and walks towards your kitchen. “Hey, where are you going!” you call out to her, sitting upright.

Yiren doesn’t respond, only reaching into the fridge and pulling out two cans of pop. Walking back, she sits down in front of you and hands you a Cola, opening her own Sprite herself. “C’mon, you need to tell me about this. The pop is just here for emotional support.”

You narrow your eyes at her. You thought you were dealing with the effects of your argument with Minghao perfectly fine, but as you look down at the cold can in front of you, an uneasy feeling bubbles up in your stomach. Taking a deep breath, you set the can down on your coffee table, leaving it unopened.

Yiren gapes at you with wide eyes. “You’re not going to have it?” Neck hanging low, you shake your head, and you hear her gasp quietly. “Oh my gosh, you just turned down a Cola,” she mutters, grabbing a pillow and pushing it in your direction. “Okay now you need to tell me what’s going on.” She pauses, shuffling closer, adding softly, “It’s okay, you can cry.”

And just like that, the dam breaks and stray tears fall from your lashes as you clutch the pillow close to your chest, blubbering your mind away to your best friend.

“I don’t even get it—I thought I was over him?” you question aloud. “Like when I was with Renjun I was happy and I didn’t think about Minghao because Renjun was great and he was so nice but he just—” you choke back a sob and Yiren pats your back.

“But he left,” she murmurs softly and you want to cry harder because Yiren left too, but then you remind yourself of what Minghao said. Taking a deep breath, your wipe your face of your tears and although your lips still quiver, you start to speak.

“It’s okay,” you mutter, because it isn't like you haven’t cried over this before. “I just—I guess I haven’t really tried hard enough.”

“Tried to … what exactly?”

You huff, throwing your back onto the couch as you look up at the ceiling. “You know: get over him.”

Yiren chuckles a little, and even through your sniffles, you laugh with her. “What are you saying—you gonna fuck around now?”

“Maybe not fuck around,” you say, crossing your legs. “More like … have some fun.”

“So basically fuck around.”

“Yiren!”

“Oh c’mon—you need me to set you up with someone? My sister knows a lot of—”

You nudge her playfully. “What happened to ‘Ms. I Want Half of the Proceeds from your Wedding with Minghao?’”

“First of all,” Yiren waves a finger at you pointedly, “I only asked for 25%, but if you two can come back from this, I will be asking for at least 50% because I have been rooting for you two since day one.”

“Aren’t you the one who’s trying to set me up with other guys?”

“That’s only because you come first to me. Your relationship with Minghao—”

“The nonexistent one,” you correct and Yiren glares at you.

“Okay fine. Your nonexistent relationship with Minghao comes second. I want to see you happy. If you get to be happy with Minghao that’s just an added plus because, you know, 50% of all the gifts and—”

“You’re getting 25% max.”

“Don’t worry. There’s still time for plenty of negotiation and—”

“Yiren!”

You don’t live up to Yiren’s expectations—in her words, she wanted you to have a hot girl summer, but you couldn’t be bothered to go through with it. Well, sort of.

The next two months go along as your summers usually do. You take up a job near your apartment, working through the morning and afternoon, spending your evenings at home or occasionally out with Jianing.

Jianing doesn’t know much about anything when it comes to your (nonexistent) relationship with Minghao, and you figure she doesn’t need to. When you need a distraction, all it takes is a quick message asking her to accompany you for whatever endeavors you have going on for the night and she’s on board.

It’s a slow summer, but you don’t really mind. Not burdened with the stress of your classes and with Jun and Minghao gone for the next two months for their own performances and promotions, you have time to focus on yourself.

Occasional parties, indulging in hobbies, daily walks in the mornings, late nights of binge watching TV shows, outings with Jianing—it’s all a part of a simple routine that you’ve curated to do one thing, and one thing only: relax.

It’s only near the end of the summer, around three weeks before your classes are set to resume, that Jun calls you to let you know he’s coming home with Minghao. He seems pretty casual about it, and you’re reminded about how Minghao probably didn’t mention anything about your argument to your brother, which you’re thankful for.

It’s a passing thought that you’ll have to figure out how you want to act when you finally face him again. Whatever. That’s a problem for another time. Right now, you relax.

That problem for another time seems to have become a problem for now. Jun came home two days ago and things were alright—no run-ins to Minghao and you spend time with your brother like you usually do whenever he returns: with bickering and meals.

It’s only on the third day that things become a little … a little iffy. Your brother texts you in the evening to get ready quickly because he’s stopping by with Minghao for dinner at his place, and it’s all happening so quickly that you don’t have time to come up with an excuse.

So here you are, throwing on your sacred pink jacket because it’s the first thing in your vision, some old jeans, and waiting outside your apartment building much less enthusiastically than you’d like. It’s only a matter of minutes before your phone buzzes with a text from Jun letting you know he’s here and you see Minghao’s car pulling up in front of you.

Making your way to the back door where you usually sit with the two of them, you furrow your brows seeing Jun sitting in your usual spot.

“Sit in the front,” Jun orders when you go to open the back door, “I wanna lay down.” You shrug, making your way to the passenger seat as Jun settles into the back, resting his head on the window while kicking his legs up onto the other two seats.

“Hi,” you say quietly to Minghao who nods and speaks his own quick greeting, averting his attention to the wheel in front of him without much more than that.

“Please,” he huffs, watching Jun through the rear view mirror, “don’t put your shoes on the seats. I just had the car cleaned.” Jun clicks his tongue and kicks his shoes off, continuing to lay back in the seat as Minghao starts the car. The ride is silent as he drives toward the restaurant, both you and Jun on your phones while Minghao has his eyes trained on the road.

Once he parks in front of the place, you watch from the corner of your vision to see Minghao unbuckling his seatbelt before your brother speaks up.

“You guys can wait here, I’m gonna grab the food,” Jun says, slipping in his shoes and making his way to the restaurant, leaving you and Minghao in thickening silence. His hands are resting on his thighs and you press your head on the window, looking out as you try to focus on anything but this.

“Uh,” Minghao clears his throat, and you silently brace yourself for what he might say. “Nice jacket.”

Oh.

Glancing down at what you’re wearing, you twiddle with the hem of the familiar pink jacket. You wonder if this is Minghao’s way of holding out a figurative olive branch, and then you think harder about if you’re willing to accept it. “Thanks,” you reply, matting a hand over your hair before turning your attention to Jun who’s walking towards your car now.

Slipping into the back seat, he shakes the plastic bag in the air as he buckles himself in. “Takeout secured. Let’s go back to your place now,” Jun says, tapping on Minghao’s shoulder from behind. There’s an odd tension in the air, and you don’t doubt that Jun feels it, although he keeps his mouth shut about it.

No one says a word until Minghao is parking in his driveway and unlocking the front door. You follow behind the two of them, Jun grabbing the food as you enter Minghao’s house.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Jun asks, putting the takeout bag on the coffee table of the living room as you all begin to settle down.

You shrug off your coat as you say, “Uh, I have to go back to my place and go out for the afternoon and evening with Jianing. Me and her have this little monthly date day thing, and we’re going to the city.”

“Wha-a-a-t,” Jun drawls out, a frown etched onto his face. You narrow your eyes at him, shrugging.

“What? It’s not like you’re leaving right after tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but I’m not here for long. I wanted to do something tomorrow, since I might be doing stuff after that!” Jun whines, pointing at Minghao. “We might be going to this cool store and take some pictures and stuff.”

You huff, slightly annoyed as you flop down on a couch. “Okay well can’t you do that tomorrow then? I already have plans.”

Jun pouts, and if he wasn’t so on your nerves right now, you would poke some fun at him. “Why-y-y? You knew I was coming this week!”

“Well it’s not like I can clear my schedule for you. If you wanted to do something you should’ve told me earlier!”

“I let you know last week I was coming down!”

“Jun,” you say with a half laugh, noticing the way Minghao’s eyes have been flickering back and forth between you two through the whole conversation, “one week is not enough time to change some plans. I’ve been meeting with Jianing consistently at this time of month for over a year!”

“But still—”

“It’s not like if I showed up to Korea whenever the time’s convenient for me, you’d drop everything you’re doing to spend time with me!” you exclaim.

Jun’s fists ball at his side before he says, “That’s because my job is important and—”

“The stuff I do in my life might not seem important to you but it is very much important to me. Sorry I’ve made commitments to other people before I even knew you were coming, but I don’t know why you’d expect me to drop all my plans just for you. It’s not even like we aren’t going to see each other afterwards too.”

“Well I’d only hope that’s the case—I only ever see you once every few months so sorry for wanting to take some of your time.”

“Guys—” Minghao starts to say, standing between the two of you but when both you and Jun glare at him, he steps back.

“Do you think your time is worth more than mine or something?” you scoff at Jun, ignoring Minghao.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m sorry, what exactly did you mean it like then?” you hiss.

Jun sucks in a breath between clenched teeth and runs a hand through his hair. “You know what I meant. Things are just—they’re different. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Right yeah. I won’t understand because I don’t have all these girls throwing themselves at me, making me think I’m entitled to everyone’s damn time.” Maybe you crossed a line with that one, but you’re too angry to care now. Hot tears well up in your lash line, threatening to fall any moment now.

“You were the one who was being a brat when you found out I was going to go to Korea in the first place!” Jun exclaims. “Fucking hell, why are you making such a big deal out of me wanting to spend some time with you now?”

Your face screws up into some kind of ugly frown at the words, and you clench your fists as your side. “A brat?” you repeat. “A brat? Is that seriously what you think of me?

“Well you did make a pretty damn big scene about me leaving, so yeah, maybe I do feel entitled to some of your time seeing that you were the one who was desperate for it in the first place.”

“Desperate? Are you kidding me—desperate? I was sixteen and you dumped the fact that you were moving away in like less than two months on me —of course I was upset but desperate? Well fuck you too I guess.” You punctuate the last word by turning on your heel, grabbing your coat off and marching past Minghao and over to the door.

You don’t hear Jun say anything after you do, and for that you are grateful because you don’t think you’ll be able to handle hearing his voice again. Walking out the foyer past the door, you stomp your way to your car, forcefully yanking the driver’s seat open and plopping yourself down with a heavy thud.

Without a word, you press your forehead against the steering and scream a loud and painful, “FUCK!” You can’t even remember a damn thing you or Jun said but all that throttles in your head is the word brat and you feel you might just pull the steering wheel off your stupid car and tear just about everything else apart too.

The prospect is pretty tempting, actually, and in your red, you continue to hit your head, albeit gently, against the wheel as you mutter incoherent curses to yourself. The thud of your skull against the smooth letter rings in your ears until it becomes all that you can hear, so loud that it almost drowns out the knocking sound that comes from outside.

“Holy shit!” you gasp, when you see Minghao from the corner of your vision, standing outside your car with his lips pressed into the thin line. Rolling down your windows, you grimace. “You fucking scared me so bad. Please never creep up on me like that again.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Don’t fucking storm out like that again then,” Minghao says, and your eyes widen slightly when you hear his voice. It’s harder, firmer, more serious than you’ve ever heard before.

“What are you—”

“You can’t drive when it’s night and you’re sobbing—”

“I am not sobbing,” you fruitlessly choke out, wiping some tears off your cheek as you straighten your back and glare at him.

“Look I get you’re mad at Jun and all but can you please calm down and talk to me so—”

You let out a humorless laugh as you begin to roll your windows back up. “Don’t even get me started on you.”

Minghao clicks his tongue as he sticks a hand into your window to stop it from going up any further, looking sideways for a second before turning back to you. “Okay well I don’t want you to drive yourself home like this. It’s not safe.”

“I am not staying here tonight.”

“Then let me drive you home,” Minghao suggests and you open up to object but no words come out. “You agree? C’mon, step out.” You let out nothing more than a huff as you open the door, slipping out quickly and shuffling to the other side where you sit with your arms crossed over your chest, bottom lip jutting out into a pout.

Minghao has already taken your spot, hands on the same steering wheel that you were planning on smashing with your head just minutes ago. He’s quiet for a few moments as he backs out of the driveway and starts driving down the street, the car echoing nothing but your soft sniffles that haven’t seemed to stop.

When Minghao opens his mouth again, you’re bracing yourself for a round of chiding, but all that comes out is a one-word question. “Pop?” He takes your silence as a confirmation, and soon enough Minghao is pulling up to that same convenience store. “Do you want me to get it for you?” he asks after he’s parked in front of the convenience store.

You purse your lips together, finally letting yourself turn to look at him. You really want to be mad at him but when you catch the way his fingers are shoved into his pockets, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he awaits your answer, you start to realize that Minghao might be just as apprehensive about this as you are.

“It’s fine,” you mutter, unbuckling your seatbelt so you can get out, Minghao following you quickly.

You’re the first to walk in this time, grabbing a Cola for yourself before looking at Minghao with a raised brow. When he nods, you toss him another can and he makes his way to the cash register. He’s about to pull out his wallet when you’re brushing past him and getting there first, holding up your card to the machine proudly.

“Just because I don’t want to be in any more debt to you,” you murmur, handing Minghao a can after you’ve paid for them both. You lead the way, walking out of the door and slotting yourself into the passenger seat of your car and Minghao gets into the seat next to you, turning on the engine.

You’re still quiet when he starts driving towards your apartment building, and you think that this is the perfect chance for you to drown in the silence. Maybe if you pretend you’re alone, you’ll be able to forget about all the thoughts running through your mind.

Pressing your eyes shut, you slump down into your seat and just as you’re about to let your mind drift into the silence, you hear a familiar rattle of the snare and guitar bridge and your eyes snap open, staring at Minghao directly. He faces forward, eyes trained on the road as he pulls closer to the curb in front of your complex, sighing deeply when the car starts to slow down.

“What are you trying to do Minghao?” you finally say weakly, burying your face in your hands. “You—you’re playing Creep and you took me to get Cola and all you were supposed to do was take me home so—”

“Can I not try to make you feel better? I don’t want you to be upset, so I’m sorry if I’m trying to do the things I know you enjoy,” Minghao responds with a heavy breath, parking in front of your building just like that night he did when he picked you up from the bus stop after you met with Renjun.

The deep strumming of guitar and vibrations of the bass bounce off the walls of your car, and you slip into your seat as the words of the song sink in.‘What the hell am I doing here?’ Glancing up at Minghao, your vision grows blurry. “Minghao …” your voice is quiet and strained when you call for him, and in that moment, you know.

All those years ago when you wanted to kiss him and hold him and pull him close, but you didn’t because you were scared. When you wanted to let your tongues collide and tug at his hair, but you didn’t because you had so much to lose.

You still have so much to lose, but you’re not scared anymore.

And it seems Minghao isn’t either.

Tonight, you get to taste the lingering drops of Cola on his tongue. You get to feel his arms fumbling over the armrest, slipping around your waist and yanking you onto his lap. You get to hold his neck and let your fingers sit in his hair. You get to indulge.

Minghao’s mouth is hot against yours, tongue lapping at your bottom lip when you take a sacred moment to breathe on top of him before your eyes are fluttering back shut and your lips mold into one once again. He hugs you so close you don’t know how you can still breathe, don’t know how your bones don’t melt into each other in this burning moment.

Your lips work fervently to slide against each other in a wet, calculated mess that has you whimpering into Minghao’s mouth when one of his hands cups your jaw. His thumb is soft against your cheekbone when he tilts your head to the side so that your noses brush against either and his lips delve deeper into the caverns of your mouth.

You don’t know how long you two go at it, fingers grappling at whatever skin you can, Minghao’s hand brushing under your shirt and stroking the plush of your hips. And when you feel like you can’t breathe anymore because your heart is so full, you pull away, letting the thin string of saliva connect your shiny lips.

Your brain is foggy and you and Minghao simply sit in the comfortable silence. Well, almost comfortable silence.

You shouldn’t try to depend on anyone.

“W-wait,” you stutter when Minghao leans forward in hopes to catch your lips in another fleeting kiss. “Oh my god,” you mutter to yourself, pushing his shoulders back against the seat as you try to shuffle off his lap.

Minghao holds your waist tightly, but you break free of the grasp. “What are you doi—hey, wait a sec!”

“You said you’re trying to make me feel better but you just did exactly the opposite,” you scoff, slipping on your coat as you push the car door open.

“What are you talking abo—” You cut him off by slamming the door, and Minghao quickly grabs your keys and follows after you. “Slow down.”

You whip around to face him, tears streaming down your face for what feels nth time tonight. “Look, you left like two months ago spewing all this stuff about how I should be independent but the second you come back you act like you’re trying so hard to make me feel better and stuff and then—” You take a deep breath, “—then we makeout and you—fuck I don’t know, I don’t know what you expect from me! Do you just expect me to forget about this and not get upset when you leave again?” you choke out. “Just keep my keys and drive yourself back to your place. I’ll pick up my car later,” you mutter.

“Can you stop doing this? It’s just like what happened last time, and I don’t want to have to leave if you’re—if we’re not okay.”

“What ‘we?’ Weren’t you the one who told me to not expect anyone to stay? I’m not going to do this ‘we’ and ‘us’ thing with someone who is just going to leave all over again. I’m not going to expect you to stay.”

“Look, I just don’t want this to be hanging over your head when I’m gone.”

Ironic, you think to yourself. You want to tell Minghao that he’s been hanging over your head ever since you met him all those years ago, but you bite back the words.

“Minghao,” you say, your voice strained and tired, “I’m already exhausted and my brain isn’t working so can you please just give me my space.”

And if Minghao is one thing, it’s not pushy, and you know that this is all it takes to get him to back off. Though, you don’t miss the way his face falls as he steps back quietly.

“See you,” he mutters through gritted teeth as he turns on his heel, and you can’t tell if you’re relieved or bothered by the way he leaves so silently.

You don’t see Minghao or Jun after that night. They’rewere  supposed to leave for Korea in the next four days, and so you spend those four days lodged up in your apartment, not leaving unless absolutely necessary—you’re scared that you might run into one of them, as pathetic as that sounds.

Jun doesn’t text you and you don’t text him. It’s a bit abnormal, you two communicate at least once every two days, if not more. It’s a bit of an unspoken rule, but now that you’re both hot-headed and very much not in the right mind, you figure some rules are meant to be broken.

It’s two days after Jun and Minghao were scheduled to leave, the only confirmation that you got that they actually did leave being the group picture at the airport your father sent to the family group chat.

Jianing comes to your apartment when you finally call her over, quickly picking up on your sullen state.

“I don’t get it,” she says with a shrug after you explain to her everything that happened between you and Jun and Minghao.

“Well yeah, I guess you don’t, but this has been going on for a while,” you reply begrudgingly, sinking into your couch as she stares at you blankly from your armchair.

“Just—I dunno—talk to them?”

You give her a funny look. “How?” you groan, throwing your head back. “They won’t be back for like a month at least, and I don’t want to call them.”

“I forget they’re famous sometimes” Jianing mutters, rolling her eyes, and you laugh at the comment.

“You and me both,” you say, straightening your back.

“But still, I don’t get it. I mean just visit them?” she suggests casually.

“I can’t just fly up to Korea unannounced!” you exclaim, bewildered.

Jianing rolls her eyes at you and you frown. “Why not? I mean you just said this might go on for a while if you don’t talk to them so I don’t get it. Just go see them.”

YOURS TRULY

you: chan i need ur help [8:13 AM] chan: this is ur first time texting me in three months [8:15 AM] chan: so i am going to assume this is pretty important [8:15 AM] you: i’m at incheon airport [8:16 AM] chan: what [8:17 AM] you: what [8:17 AM] chan: jun didn’t say anything about u coming??! [8:19 AM] you: DON’T TELL HIM [8:19 AM] chan: what … [8:20 AM] you: i’m surprising him [8:20 AM] chan: ????? [8:21 AM] chan: who knows [8:21 AM] you: um you do [8:21 AM] chan: thank u [8:22 AM] chan: so what do u need [8:22 AM] you: can u pick me up [8:23 AM] chan: i don’t have a choice do i [8:24 AM] you: nope :3 [8:24 AM]

When black SUV stops in front of you by the curb at the airport, you smile brightly, waving at the driver as the windows begin to roll down. You’re about to chirp a quick, “Hi Chan!” but the words get caught in your throat when you see who’s driving.

“Jeonghan?” you ask confusedly. He waves at you from the front seat, and Chan sticks his head in from the back to look at you through the window.

“I’m sorry!” he exclaims, opening the door to help you pull in your suitcase and get situated into the back seat. “Look, I tried to leave without anyone noticing but they saw me so I told them I was going to the gym, but he said he wanted to come and —” Chan glares at the man in the passenger seat, “— I don’t even know why since he hasn’t gone to the gym in ages—”

“Watch it Chan!” Jeonghan calls out from the front as the cat starts to move, pulling an eye roll out of the boy sitting next to you.

“Whatever. Basically, I had no choice but to bring him along and tell them I was actually picking you up.”

“You guys didn’t tell Jun, did you?” you ask worriedly.

“I—no,” Jeonghan says. “And even if we tried, he won’t be awake for another hour or whatever. That’s besides the point anyways—Chan is terrible at lying.”

“You caught me off guard! I wasn’t expecting to see anyone this morning, so I didn’t have any excuses prepared …” Chan huffs, sinking into his seat as you glance back and forth between them nervously.

“Thank you for trying anyways,” you say sincerely, adjusting in your seat. “I know this was all really sudden but I didn’t plan anything out and I kinda ended up here before I could even process anything,” you add.

“Hey, Minghao was telling us about these really good cupcakes you make—if you have time, can you bake them for us?” Chan asks, out of the blue.

You give him a funny look and then smile. “Sure, if I have the time. I’d like to—they told me Mingyu tries to make them for you guys.”

“Yeah! That would—”

“Thank you, but I’m going to assume that you are here for a reason other than making us your infamous cupcakes,” Jeonghan says, merging onto the freeway.

“As much as I’d love for that to be why I’m here, you’re right,” you mutter, resting your head against the headrest.

“Is everything alright?” Jeonghan asks.

As you’re about to respond, Chan chimes in. “This is about Jun, isn’t it?”

“Ai—Channie, don’t jump to conclusions,” Jeonghan reprimands but Chan shakes his head, holding his hand up as he turns to you with wide eyes.

“No, no, I’m not assuming anything. I’m right, aren’t I?” Partly. Chan continues. “Well it’s just—I can kinda tell. He’s being a little snappier. Jeonghan wouldn’t know but—“

Jeonghan gives Chan a warning look through the rear view mirror. “What do you mean I wouldn’t know?”

“Hannie, just listen to me. So me and Soonyoung and Minghao and Jun have been practicing at night right—for that next performance—and you know that Jun has a bit of a temper, especially in the night, but I don’t know—it’s just been different recently.”

You stifle a scoff when Chan mentions Jun having a short temper, looking out the window hoping no one heard. Jun does have a bit of a fiery streak, but the truth is that you’re just as sporadic as him.

Fire meets fire. Huh, wonder what that makes. More fire, probably. That’s what got you here, isn’t it? Unfortunately.

“Has, uh,” you pause wondering if you should ask this, but curiosity does kill the cat, after all. “Has Minghao seemed … off?”

Jeonghan narrows his eyes at you. “What’s Minghao got to do with this? Did something happen with him too?” Curse that emotionally intelligent man.

Chan eyes flicker between the ground and you. “It’s hard to tell when Minghao is upset. He seems normal even when he’s upset so I can’t really tell … why though?”

“Just—just a lot of stuff. I think I need to see them both. Separately.”

Jeonghan nods, pursing his lips together before responding, “Do you need our help?”

Jeonghan takes you to his apartment first so you have a moment to drop your suitcase off somewhere, and you get to say hi to Seungkwan who you’re pretty sure didn’t even recognize you in his drowsy state.

“Where’re we going?” you ask when you get back outside of the building heading towards the car.

“C’mon, let’s walk,” Chan says, pulling you away from the car.

“Jun’s apartment building is just down the street here,” Jeonghan explains. “He should be sleeping right now, so just wake him up.”

“Are you kidding me? He might kill me!” you complain with a frown.

Chan huffs, “Well you did come here unannounced and without a plan, so you don’t have much of a choice anyways.”

You chew on your lip as you fruitlessly try to come up with an answer, sighing in defeat when you come up with nothing.

“Exactly,” Jeonghan concludes, stopping in front of a building that’s built similar to his. “Anyways, his suite number is 345 on the third floor. You should know the code to his apartment right?”

You nod, but then shake your head. “I know it, but I think I’ll just knock until he wakes up. He might actually kill me if someone shows up inside his home unannounced.”

Chan laughs at that when the two of you lead you to the elevator of this new building. “That, he might.”

“So encouraging,” you mutter, sticking your tongue out at them as the elevator door opens. “Anyways, thank you for helping me, really. I’ll make cupcakes if I make it out of this alive,” you promise while you step in.

“You better!” Jeonghan calls out as the doors slide shut and the elevator begins to take you up.

It’s now, when you’re alone, that it all begins to sink in. You’re in Korea. You’re about to see Jun. You might die—okay maybe you’re being a little dramatic, but you aren’t sure what to do with yourself so your mind is jumping towards the worst possible scenario as you reach the third floor and make your way to his apartment.

You stand in front of room 345 for a few moments once you arrive, not even sure if you’ll manage to go through with this. What the fuck are you even going to say?

(Un?)fortunately, you have a tendency to not think before you act, and before you have a second of thought your knuckles are rapping against the door. It’s silent for a moment and you wonder if you should go again.

Taking a deep breath, you continue knocking on the door at a steady rate before you hear soft footsteps growing louder in volume until they stop at the door. You hold your breath and let your hand fall, fisting it at your sides in anticipation.

When you see the door crack open, a wave of relief washes over you. But when you see Jun’s blank face as he looks down on you, a new sense of uneasiness takes over.

“What are you doing in my apartment?” Ah, how nostalgic.

“So cold. You aren’t going to let me in?”

Jun rolls his eyes, and you grow more anxious because you can’t tell if he’s being playful or not. He steps to the side though, and you quickly slip through the door so he can close and lock it behind you.

“What are you doing here?” he reiterates and you feel your tongue go dry.

“Uh, Chan told me that you’re being—well—how do I put this?” you mutter to yourself, rocking back and forth on your feet.

“Difficult?” Jun guesses, bitterness laced in the word and you cringe at the tone.

“I guess.”

“I don’t think you came all the way to Korea just because Chan told you I was being difficult.”

“I, uh, I talked to Jianing about it when she visited and … I guess I felt I should come see you.”

“So if Jianing didn’t talk to you about this, then you just wouldn’t have talked about it?” Jun asks harshly and you glare at him.

“Well it’s not like you would’ve come talk to me about it either,” you retort, and Jun goes quiet at them. “And Jianing didn’t make this decision for me, by the way, I made it all by myself.”

“Okay well you’re here now. What is it?” An uncomfortable silence sits between you two. “If you only came here to just stand there and stare off into space then—”

“Jun, please shut your mouth for like one minute,” you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I-I wanted to apologize. That night I … I was on edge.” Jun watches you intently as you finally meet his gaze. “There was a lot running through my mind and I was just—just fucking annoyed at everything and I took everything you said the worst way.”

A feeling of worry climbs up your throat—you and Jun don’t often apologize, at least not like this. Apologies usually come in the form of figurative olive trees—you buy him a LEGO set, he buys you a gift card to your favorite cafe, or something among that. Then again, this isn’t your usual argument with Jun, and maybe sometimes resorting to more traditional methods are most effective.

Jun sighs softly, not looking at you, and you grow worried that he’s even more angry than you anticipated. You brace yourself for his next possible words. “I … I did say some mean stuff too. I’m sorry—I just—I have a shitty temper. You know that. Chan probably told you that too.” Jun is silent for a second before continuing. “Is … is everything okay?”

The question isn’t quite what you’re expecting and you press your lips together tightly because you want to cry. You want to let the tears stream down your cheeks and tell Jun that you have no idea but also the perfect idea of what you’re doing and it’s all jumbled up mess in your head.

“I guess—I mean, I hate fighting with you,” you admit. “But, that’s why I came here and we didn’t say goodbye the last time and I know that was partly my fault but also I missed you.”

“But are you okay?”

“Jun—”

“Because I know you’re stubborn—it really is annoying sometimes but I’m not one to complain,” he adds with a huff, “and I know you’re a little weird—”

You both laugh and you point a finger at him, “Watch it—you and me both.”

“Whatever,” he says lightly before turning to a more serious tone. “But I never thought we’d fight again like that one time two years ago and—”

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up!? Yiren said that too,” you sigh.

“To make a point. Which, by the way, is me going back to asking you if everything’s okay. I just … I know that you’re a little crazy but I never thought that you’d fly over here for something that we could probably sort out over the phone. Not that I’m not glad to see you here, I mean, I am, I’m just … worried.”

“I kissed Minghao,” you blurt out, immediately slapping a hand over your mouth after you do.

“What?!” Jun’s eyes go wide for a moment before he relaxes a little. “Is that what’s been up with you?”

“What do you mean ‘up with me?’”

“Moody. Cranky. Like you’re in high school again.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You chew on your lip as you try to read Jun’s expression. He doesn’t seem mad nor happy nor confused, and you’re running out of emotions to label him under.

“I knew you liked him in high school, you know. Thin walls, plus Yiren is loud as hell.”

“Ugh, I always told her to keep it down! She didn’t believe me!”

“Doesn’t matter now. What you or him do isn’t much of my business anyways,” Jun mutters, awkwardly stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodies. “I mean I guess it is, if it makes you all upset and not okay like this,” he continues.

You can tell he’s encouraging you to explain more, and you press your eyes together trying to figure what and what not you should say. “Has Minghao … has he seemed different?”

“I mean not really, but also it’s hard to tell with him because—” Your whole finger droops and Jun quickly places a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, what is this about? Did something happen? You know you can tell me.”

“It’s a lot,” you confess. “I don’t know, I-I came here to talk to the both of you but I haven’t even thought about what to say to him. I kind of booked my tickets last night.”

“Last night?!”Jun exclaims. “Are you stupid or what?”

“Maybe I am!” you murmur, slapping your palm against your forehead. Jun looks down at your pained expression and frowns.

“You’re not going to tell me what happened, are you?”

“What happened to, ‘I don’t care what you guys do it isn’t my business?’”

“Well it is my business if you’re upset! I’m the only person who’s allowed to be a bitch to you.”

“Well ditto to you too!” You follow with a sigh. “I think I just need to talk to him.”

“He’s at the gym right now. Do you want to get coffee instead?”

“Hogging me all to yourself? I know you missed me but don’t you think this is a little unfair—I’d like to at least say hi to the others first. Or maybe have some time to sleep. I kind of got here at like seven in the morning.”

“Be grateful! I’m actually looking out for you, because they’ll literally hound you, plus I want to make up for not spending time with you last time I visited.”

You grin at the words, rolling your eyes playfully. “Fine. But you’re paying.”

“When do I not pay for you?”

“Loads of times!”

“That’s because you insist on paying for yourself.”

“Irrelevant!” you exclaim triumphantly, waving a fist in the air before Jun locks his arm around your neck and traps you in a headlock. Good times.

“We have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,” Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.

“Must you take a picture of everything?” you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.

“I am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.”

“Okay well I’m your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.”

“Just like—I dunno—find him and talk to him. Can’t be that hard.”

“You—ugh, you’re just like Jianing,” you groan. “No help!”

“Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him to—”

“Junnie what the hell,” you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. “I think I’m just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again because—”

“Okay no. I’ll help. What do you need me to do?”

“Have you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!”

“Well I already suggested the closet but you turned that down so—”

“Jun.”

“We can try the meeting room? He’s there a lot and it’s usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I don’t know, so you won’t be interrupting much.”

“You sure it’ll work?”

Jun cocks an eyebrow up. “You don’t trust me?” You kick him under the table and he winces. “Okay yes, yes, it’ll work so would you stop kicking—hey! I said stop kicking!”

“We have afternoon practice, then recording in the studio in the evening, but we should be done by like eight,” Jun explains, taking a picture of the coffee in front of him.

“Must you take a picture of everything?” you sigh, taking a sip of your own drink. Jun rolls his eyes, flicking your knee from under the table.

“I am a celebrity. I kinda need to keep records of everything I do.”

“Okay well I’m your sister and I kinda need you to help me talk to Minghao.”

“Just like—I dunno—find him and talk to him. Can’t be that hard.”

“You—ugh, you’re just like Jianing,” you groan. “No help!”

“Okay fine, fine. What do you want me to do? Corner him? Lock him into a closet and keep him there so you can talk to him? Force him to—”

“Junnie what the hell,” you mutter, slapping a hand to your forehead. “I think I’m just going to have to ask Jeonghan and Chan for help again because—”

“Okay no. I’ll help. What do you need me to do?”

“Have you been listening to me? Tell me when and where I can talk to him!”

“Well I already suggested the closet but you turned that down so—”

“Jun.”

“We can try the meeting room? He’s there a lot and it’s usually empty in the evenings. He responds to emails and shit there, I don’t know, so you won’t be interrupting much.”

“You sure it’ll work?”

Jun cocks an eyebrow up. “You don’t trust me?” You kick him under the table and he winces. “Okay yes, yes, it’ll work so would you stop kicking—hey! I said stop kicking!”

You twiddle your thumbs nervously behind your back as you wait in the elevator with Jeonghan. Jun had to take care of something with one of the other members, so he sent you off with the older boy to take you to the meeting room.

“He’ll be there, don’t worry,” Jeonghan tells you as he pats your shoulder lightly. “I just checked his location and I’m positive he’s there right now.”

“Thanks,” you say with a sigh, shifting your weight from leg to leg, “but I’m more worried about what I’m going to say. I think you already know but I planned like zero percent of this.”

“It’s becoming increasingly evident, unfortunately,” Jeonghan admits when the elevator dings and the door opens onto a floor full of rooms. “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure, seeing as you’re just like Jun.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jeonghan chuckles and leads you to a door a few steps down the hallway, pointing to it. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll be in there. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down on floor three making some ramen,” he says cheerily, waving at you before retreating to elevatory before you have even a moment to protest.

So now you’re left with nothing but yourself and yet another door. This time, instead of knocking your life away, your hand is pressed against the knob as you debate whether or not you should turn it or not.

Once again, your body acts without your mind and you’re quietly opening the door and poking your head through the crack. Inside is Minghao with headphones over his ears, sitting at the end of a long table with his head crooked down as he scrolls through his lap top.

He doesn’t hear you, but you aren’t sure if it’s for the better or the worse. In some ways, you still have a chance to run, but in others, you’ll have to call out to him if you want him to notice you. Gulping, you realize that you’ve been too scared for too long and so you clear your throat.

“Minghao,” you call out.

It only takes a second for his eyes to shoot up, hands flying to his headphones to take them off as he takes in the sight of you in front of him. You’re at opposite ends of the room right now, and you nervously shut the door behind you as you finally meet his gaze.

“What are you doing here?”

“I—” You inhale sharply. “—I don’t know. I just think we both needed to talk.”

You can see him visibly gulp as he stands up, and looks away as if trying to figure out what he should do with himself.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, dread washing over you.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out, face burning. “I know I just showed up like this without warning and I know that’s not fair so if you don’t want to talk you know I totally get it and—” you start to blabber so fast you hardly notice him walking over and down the length of the table, “—I just really wanted to see you and talk to you but I couldn’t do it over the phone because—”

“Slow down,” Minghao says firmly, now standing in front of you as he gazes down with wide eyes. “Is everything okay? When did you come here—wait, did you come here just to talk to me?”

“Well yeah. And Jun.”

“Are you okay?” Minghao asks softly. “This doesn’t seem like you.”

You wince at the familiar words but shake it off. “I know, I just had so much to say and I’m sorry because you were right, and when you said you didn’t want this hanging over my head I was angry and I thought I could ignore this and ignore you but I was wrong and just really needed to sort things out. And the night you picked me up after Renjun and all—I know you told me to not depend anyone or anything—and I know I’m not listening to you right now and I don’t want you to be disappointed but—”

“Stop,” Minghao says, holding a hand up. “Disappointed? I—please don’t think that. The stuff I said that night was …” he sighs before continuing. “You were so upset that night because you didn’t have us around and I felt so bad but also, there wasn’t anything I could do about that.”

“I …” your eyebrows knit together as you try to find the right words. “… I know that. I didn’t mean to make it feel like you had to change anything, or that it was your fault.”

“I know and—”

“Wait, please hear me out. I don’t want to ever make you think that I blame you or Jun for leaving—I-I’m so happy for you guys you don’t understand. I was just … I was bitter,” you admit. “And I was jealous of you because you get to be around my own brother more than me and … I guess I was also jealous of Jun because he gets to be around you so often too.”

You finish your confession by burying your face in your hands, face heating up as you can only imagine the look on his face. He says your name softly, and you peek up at him through the gap between your fingers.

“Hey, no, I get it. I mean, I guess I don’t exactly understand how you’re feeling but I don’t blame you either.”

“I wrote you a letter,” you blurt out, a hand digging into your pocket as it toys around with the folded paper inside. Minghao raises a brow, and you pull it out and hold it in front of him. “Right after you guys left,” you explain as he takes the paper from your hand, carefully unfolding it. “Don’t open it now! That’s … embarrassing. Just read it when I’m not here or something because I might just die out of humiliation.”

When Minghao chuckles, you feel some of the tension in your shoulders dissolve. “Noted,” he murmurs, tucking it into the pocket of his sweats before turning his attention back to you with a more serious expression which has your stomach tying up in knots.

“You know how my job is. I can’t promise how often I’ll be home and when I’ll be able to make time and I know that people leaving hurt you so much and … I guess I just didn’t want to give you hope that I would be able to give you a ‘normal’ relationship, because I can’t, even though I want to. I think when I told you all that, I just—fuck—I hoped that you’d be able to focus on someone better for you.”

You want to cry and tell him that you don’t want someone ‘better,’ but choose to save those words for a different time. “T-then why’d you kiss me that night?” you ask quietly.

“I—” Minghao pauses, looking down as he searches for what he’s about to say. “I only have so much self control.”

You chew on your lip, debating if you should frown or grin at his statement. “So you—you wanted to kiss me?” Minghao responds in a heartbeat.

“Of course I did,” and then he clears his throat, “I wanted to for a while. I still do.”

Chuckling nervously, you start to say, “I don’t kn—”

The air is successfully sucked from your lungs when Minghao slides his hand around your neck, angling your jaw up with his gentle thumb. You think you might just go dizzy from the way he’s touching you until his warm mouth presses against yours, and this is the moment you feel every last muscle in your body let go.

He kisses you softer than the first time, his tongue running against your bottom lip for only a moment before you let your hand grip at his torso instinctively. “Sorry,” Minghao murmurs sheepishly when he breaks away. “Told you. Only so much self control.”

“I-I won’t complain,” you admit quickly, and though you let your hand drop to your side, Minghao keeps his where it is: cradling your cheek. He’s quiet for a moment before whispering again, and the words make your face burn and your heart fly around in circles.

“Can I kiss you again?”

link to smut!

“You have everything? Your tickets?” you ask as you lean against the doorframe. You’re both standing outside your parents house right now, waiting for Jun to finish his last bit of packing (why he was so insistent on you two coming quickly when even he wasn’t ready is still a mystery to you) so you can call over the van to take them to the airport.

Minghao shrugs at you, pulling out his wallet to look through the pockets to double check. As he’s shuffling through them, a familiar piece of paper sticks out and grabs your attention. “You keep my letter in your wallet?”

Minghao nods, seemingly unbothered by your surprise. “Yeah. Where else would I keep it?”

“Well, I don’t know but—”

“It’s a cute letter!” Minghao reasons. “And I like having it with me. Like a little good luck charm.”

You press a kiss to his cheek when he says that, but continue to say, “I don’t get what’s so cute about me getting drunk and writing to you.”

“Okay that part, I don’t like. Seriously. Underage drinking is not cool,” Minghao mutters. “But the rest of the letter is pretty nice I guess,” he teases, tucking his wallet back into his pocket.

“Pretty nice?” you scoff, trying to snatch the wallet back from him to grab your letter. He swipes it away too quickly though, and you’re left pawing at his chest to try and get it back. “You don’t deserve that letter! I put my heart and soul into it!”

“Heart and soul? I think you mean you poured five shots of vodka into it.” You frown deeply, and Minghao relaxes his shoulders. “Okay I’m sorry—you know I love the letter.”

“Do I?” you huff stubbornly, looking at the ground.

Minghao traces a hand down your face and tilts your chin upwards. “C’mon look at me,” he murmurs, and you begrudgingly meet his gaze. “I love the letter.” He pecks you on the lips. “Do you believe me now?”

“You might have to kiss me one more time for that.”

Minghao grins and presses his lips on yours again, a little harder this time. “Good now?”

“Yes—you got lucky.”

“Okay good … but just for extra measures, I have something that might sweeten the deal,” Minghao tells you, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket and handing it to you. Carefully, you take it and unravel it, glancing over the words.

There’s a lot—like a lot—and Minghao’s face flushes as you skim over the paragraphs he wrote, slapping a hand over the paper. “Okay don’t read it in front of me!” he whines, and you beam because history has a tendency to repeat itself.

“Fine, fine,” you sigh, looking down at it one more time when your eyes catch a little note at the bottom.

Pursing your lips, you glance up and find Minghao watching you with wide eyes and a bright smile, and you can’t help but fling yourself into his arms. Your heart swells when you feel him wrap his hands around you rightly pulling him close as the words cast their imprint into your mind.

You’re happy. So, so, so happy.

Yours truly, Xu Minghao (weirdo)

P.S. I love you.

a/n. okay wow i can't believe this is done ... genuinely put so much into this fic i hope u all enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! i definitely might be writing more about these two bc i loved them so much😭 i had like 2 more ideas for a smut in mind but decided not to add them but if you'd be interested in reading them, i might post them as a oneshot/bonus, so lmk what you're interested in! please reblog if u did, and let me know ur thoughts—it would mean a lot to me :3

tags. @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @blinkjunhui @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @ming-h0e @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @junhui-recs @ichorjeon (strikethrough could not be tagged)

[toruro]

i decided to remind myself who the fuck i am and went thru my ao3 and read all my works and like what the hell guys T-T why did i actually eat

[toruro]

— ✧ scrawled in sand

inspired by hozier’s ‘all things end’

pairing. jeon wonwoo x reader

description: "loving wonwoo was like taking a breath of air. you don’t get to think twice before you inhale, and so you never thought twice about loving wonwoo. maybe that’s why he stitched himself a little too deep, and now you’re wondering when exactly did the thread cut loose."

genre: smut (18+ / mdni), break up au, angst w/c: 2.8k a/n: sorry ig. anywho! this is for @ressonancee my beloved ^^ and thank u @cheolhub for reading over this 4 me and @lovelyhan for beta reading c:

smut tags. fem bodied reader, fingering, pet names (angel), creampie

If there was anyone to ever get through this life With their heart still intact, they didn't do it right

Your friends tell you that you should have seen it coming.

They’re right, in retrospect—you should have seen it coming—but that isn’t so easy. It can’t ever be easy when you love Jeon Wonwoo, and that’s because loving Jeon Wonwoo is as easy as breathing.

You wonder if you let yourself love him too easily. Too much, you dare say, because you’re starting to realize that when you love too much, Wonwoo begins to stitch himself into the very walls that build up your life.

The needle must have pricked on your first day of high school when you saw him for the first time after summer. Loving him was easy then, because he smiled so brightly and patted your head so fondly you could melt into his arms. It must have sunk a little deeper on your guys’ first prom, when he asked you out with a poster and cheap flowers because it was the only thing his crappy life-guarding job could afford. Loving him was easy then, because he pressed his lips to your cheek and held you close.

Loving Wonwoo was taking a breath of air. You don’t get to think twice before you inhale, and so you never thought twice about loving Wonwoo. Maybe that’s why he stitched himself a little too deep, and now you’re wondering when exactly did the thread cut loose.

It couldn’t have been in college, no, because Wonwoo agreed to study in the same city as you in a heartbeat; because you made love for the first time in your creaky little dorm bed after kicking your roommate out; because through those four years, you were still breathing and you were still loving and that thread was so deeply rooted that it might as well have been a part of your soul.

Late nights on campus when you would sit in the library together and pretend you were studying. Pretend, because loving Wonwoo was too easy and one teasing glance turned into another before the two of you would be giggling like school kids until you were kicked out for being too loud.

Scurrying away with your bags stuffed with unfinished notes to makeout behind some building under the dingy yellow light of a lampost, his lips sucked your breath away, but that’s okay because even if you weren’t breathing, you were loving Wonwoo and that was more than enough.

It couldn’t have been when you moved in together after graduation, because that first night Wonwoo danced with you in your barren living room to the staticky radio the landowner left behind, and when he looked at you it was with flames in his eyes. You loved Wonwoo too easily, and so you forgot that all fires die eventually. Sometimes, when you close your eyes, you still imagine you can feel the embers.

You conclude that it must have happened slowly.

To love Wonwoo was to breathe, but you failed to realize that it is not always easy breathing.

You should have listened to your friends. Being high school sweethearts was a high—it was your peak, you realize now. You and Wonwoo were hiking towards a goal—to make this work—and somewhere along the climb you must have gotten lost.

Breathing was no longer easy because the air was thinning, but of course, that happens slowly. So slowly, you aren’t sure you’ll ever find out exactly when that thread snapped; you’ll only ever know when you finally felt its whiplash.

You wake up rather early for a Sunday morning. You’d like to blame it on the empty spot next to you, but you rather enjoy the extra space.

(You feel plenty warm on your own anyways.)

There’s a rustling outside your bedroom, coming from down the hall, and you aren’t quite sure what he’s doing.

(You’re even less sure if you’re bothered enough to find out.)

You glance at the time. 7:17. You figure you might make use of your early waking, slipping from beneath the covers to leave the room. There’s something heavy in the air when you do, and you feel it in every thudding step you take.

(Does he hear the rumbling as deeply as you do?)

“Wonwoo,” you call out, when you walk into the kitchen to find him pressed against the counter, mindlessly scrolling through his phone.

(When was the last time you called him “Won?” “Woo?” “Love?”)

“What is it?” he asks when you stand by the island, looking up from his phone, but the screen still stays on. You want him to turn it off, but then you think again.

(Why should he?)

Wonwoo glances back at his phone when you take too long to respond. You click your tongue and shake your head, turning away. “I forgot.”

(Ask me, ask me, ask me. Ask me if I’m okay.)

Silence follows as Wonwoo leaves the kitchen to grab a bag from the pantry. “I’m going to the farmers’ market now. It’s my turn this week.”

(When did you stop slipping into the car together, Wonwoo’s thumb brushing over your thigh as you sing along to the morning blues? When did you stop holding hands, skipping through the market, grabbing samples, and feeding each other through hushed giggles and soft-lipped kisses? When did you start taking turns?)

“Do you remember what you wanted to say?”

(If you held out your hand, would he take it?)

“Remember to get the tomatoes.”

(Loving Wonwoo is too easy, and maybe that’s why you never really noticed when you stopped.)

You imagine this would hurt less if there was a ring on your finger. It isn’t difficult to admit you married the wrong person, tied by legalities and social burdens pressed down on you.

It’s harder to say you���re bound by a love that once was.

It’s okay, in some ways; you’ve learned to live with it. Most days, you two work your way around the elephant in the room. But today, you’re tired. You’re so, so tired and it’s getting just a little too hard to ignore that the calf has grown into something much, much bigger.

Loving Wonwoo was like breathing, and now it’s hitting you that you’re at a loss for air. When you step through the front door, you think everything might give out.

Wonwoo sits on the living room couch on his laptop, and you aren’t sure what he’s doing, but you think it hardly amounts to any level of importance right now. “Wonwoo? Wonwoo?” you call out and there’s something in your voice—like you’re searching for him even though he’s right there—and Wonwoo just caves.

There’s worry laced into his tone when he calls your name and for a second, you think things have already been mended. The stitches feel as they have tightened and you let yourself dream that this will be your rebound, but then you realize that Wonwoo is only concerned because your eyes are welling with tears and you’re staggering against the wall, limbs trembling and lids heavy. He stumbles a little to get to you, and you think that Wonwoo always used to find it easy to come to you.

(When did things change?)

“Hey, what’s wrong? You’re crying—” When Wonwoo grabs your arm, you kiss him fiercely, not because you feel fiercely, but because you hope it will ignite something tonight.

Kissing Wonwoo is almost as easy as it was to love him. Years and years of his lips against yours and now it’s just like second nature, the way your tongues glide and prod into each other’s mouth. Wonwoo’s lips are chapped, and he tastes faintly of the coffee that sits on the corner table.

(Wonwoo likes to make it on the French Press, for 4 minutes and 15 seconds to be precise, with a dash of milk and 3 cubes of sugar.)

“Wonwoo,” you whine like your throat knows so well—hoarse and desperate just how he likes and tonight it works, because Wonwoo is wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing you deeper. His palms dig into your flesh so hard you want to cry—but you’re already crying—so you press your face into his neck and suck instead.

He groans into you, his hands slipping underneath the hem of your shirt, and so you move on to suck and lick against him again because you once loved the sound of his breathy moans and you’re convinced that if you hear it just once more, it might just make you fall right back in love.

It doesn’t, but you’re not really surprised. His hands are running all over your waist, your stomach, and still, it feels good, at least for now. You know Wonwoo knows how to make you feel good, after all, it was just that he never really did it anymore.

(No hard feelings though, because when was the last time you unbuckled his belt and palmed him through his boxers like you’re doing right now?)

Warm hands creep up, brushing over your hard nipples, pinching and tweaking between deft fingers, and you throw your head back and moan. You’ve always been a bit sensitive there, and as he roughly yanks the buttons of your work shirt loose, Wonwoo uses what he knows to his full advantage.

“Bedroom,” you breath out, tangling your fingers into the short hair at the nape of his neck, tugging softly. If it hurts, Wonwoo doesn’t say anything.

(Has he ever told you if it hurts?)

He nods, limbs still tangled with yours as your feet follow the silent path down the hallways. You stumble through the door together and your back is hitting the mattress before you can even discern what is left and what is right.

(When was the last time your bed felt this warm?)

“Angel,” Wonwoo mumbles into your mouth, pulling away just an inch to slip the shirt off his head. “Angel,” he says more intensely this time, speaking from his throat and oh this will be your undoing, because you are no longer Wonwoo’s angel but for this moment, you two can pretend.

Shimmying your shirt and bra off, you leave it fall on top of Wonwoo’s on the ground before playing back down on the sheets and opening your legs. He’s got his hands at your waistband, yanking the pants right off your legs and something about the way the cool air hits your bare skin makes your ache run a little deeper.

“Wonwoo,” you mewl, reaching for his face so you can smash his lips into yours once more. He doesn’t taste much like coffee anymore. Now, he just tastes like Wonwoo.

(You aren’t sure which you prefer.)

“Oh fuck,” he moans against your cheek when he grinds down into you, bulge pressing against your thigh as your body grows warmer and warmer.

(Is this the fire you so desperately tried to light?)

With your hands caged around his cheeks, Wonwoo looks at you with heavy lidded eyes and you wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. There was a time where you could tell, but that time has passed and now you’re panting into his neck when he brings his fingers up to your soiled panties.

Rubbing against the nub over the slick fabric, your blood buzzes and your back arches into his touch, legs spreading and spreading until they have no further to go. “So beautiful,” Wonwoo tells you, thumb circling over clothed clit as your tits heave up and down in tandem with your harsh breaths.

(Beautiful, because you are beautiful. You’ll always be beautiful, but being beautiful will not always matter.)

“More,” you whine, thrashing against the sheets when his thumb is no longer enough. Hooking your finger under your panties and tugging it to the side, your core is all shiny and flutter and beautiful when it’s on display to Wonwoo.

His finger is in your cunt before you can plead with him again, because now is not the time to make you beg. It has not been the time to make you beg in a long, long time. One turns into two and soon you’re moaning incoherently as his knuckles plunge into you, caressing your warm walls so methodically one would think it’s ingrained into Wonwoo’s very DNA.

You feel yourself coming close to your end and so you wrap your fingers around his wrist to make him stop. He looks up at you and—oh, those eyes—his lips are on yours again, so your legs wrap around his bare torso as you roll around in the sheets.

If you think hard enough, it feels like one of those blissful mornings. The ones you see in movies, lovers entangled in nothing but kisses and souls as they exist in the world they’ve built up in their head. You imagine that could have been you and Wonwoo, if only you had found your way back home.

Soon, you’re pushing him onto his back against the headboard as he kicks off his pants and boxers, and there you are, climbing onto his lap, pressing your naked back to his chest. Settling the back of your head in the crook between his neck and shoulder, you lift your hips just high enough so Wonwoo can hold the fat head of his tip against your swollen folds, and you brace yourself.

There’s a mangle moan that erupts from both of your lips when you sink down, and for a second, you almost fall back in love. He’s filled you to the brim as you shake above him, adjusting to the size and you wonder if Wonwoo has always made you feel this full. So full you feel you might implode if you get any closer, but still, you dig your heels into the mattress and grind down anyways. If you’re going to burn tonight, you might as well enjoy this while it lasts.

Wonwoo’s throbbing inside of you, hands holding their iron grip on his waist as he helps you lift yourself up and then bounce right back down. You can’t see the look on his face, but you imagine he’s got his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, eyes shut, and eyebrows pinched together every time your cunt envelopes his cock.

“Angel,” he mutters into your ear when you reach one hand up to grab at his hair. One of his own large hands grabs at your tits, squeezing the soft flesh as your hips begin to swivel more and more erratically. Wonwoo teeths at your neck and collarbone, leaving splotchy red marks that you’re sure will bruise the next morning.

(No worries though, they’ll fade eventually.)

“Fuh … fuck,” you cry when your stomach starts to churn and your vision starts to grow bleary. It’s so much—so, so much, and you start to think that your body won’t be able to handle much more when your limbs grow limp. Wonwoo starts to fuck upwards and into you now, and the sound of skin slapping against skin leaves a ringing in your ears.

Just a little more. Just a little more. You’re sure Wonwoo feels it too, and thus his hips jerk just a little bit harder and his grip grows just a little bit tighter.

When you cum, it’s with Wonwoo’s name on your tongue. It’s broken and it’s strangled, but it is there and he soon follows suit, moaning about his beloved angel into your skin from behind as he spills his hot seed into you.

You’re both messy all over—sweat and cum and drool slips between your bodies and you should feel gross, but your body still trembles with the aftershocks of your orgasm and you find yourself reveling in bliss.

You sober up a few minutes later, but still, you sit in a haze.

Nuzzling into Wonwoo’s neck, you search for a fire—a spark of anything, really. Desperately, you rake for a glimmer of heat in his heart, and as you begin to grow colder and colder you drift.

Did you douse the flame? Months ago? Years ago? Or did it fizzle out on its own? You learn that you won’t ever know. Wonwoo probably won’t ever know either, so you figure if there’s one way you’ll spend eternity with him, it’ll be in ignorance.

You’ll start packing your things tomorrow. You’re sure Wonwoo will understand.

For now, he wraps an arm around your stomach and presses his mouth to your shoulder, and the soft brush of his lips makes you shudder. Your friends were right: all good things come to an end, but you figure that if this is how they come to a close, you don’t really mind.

And all things end All that we intend is scrawled in sand Or slips right through our hands And just knowing That everything will end Won't change our plans When we begin again

a/n. reading this over i was like owie why did they do that and then i realized that i wrote this and now i’m kind of wondering why i decided to do this to myself in the first place but it was fun so i don’t rly care

taglist. @xenkimmie @lesdevoeux @cheolism @namjoonbaby @listxn @scuzmunkie @binwons @lskjki @h34rts4chira @kazuhateez @imlilstitious @yogurttea @lynnxworld @jeanjacketjesus @meowmeowminnie @soonhoonietrash @caratlove10 @cottoncheol @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @rubyreduji @marzmeltdown @todorokiskitten @98-0603 @hipsdofangirl @nikkixpenguin @minnie-mouser22 @minhui896 (strikethrough could not be tagged)

[toruro]

— ✧ guilty as sin

pairing: mingyu x reader

genre: smut (18+ / mdni), non-idol au, open ending ... (pt 2 perhaps?)

word count: 8k

description: the thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn't be doing. that what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

warnings: alcohol & (mentions of) marijuana consumption

tags: mingyu and reader went to same high school, y/n and mingyu both are freshly out of relationships, blowjobs, sex, dirty talk, idk they banter a lot i think theyre cute so believe me

a/n: so this is a fun little piece ... i do have a plot outline for a part 2 and 3 but totally depends on if u guys want to see more of them ... anyways i know i have been mia with my writing but i really like this piece so i hope u all enjoy >_< tysm to the lovely @gyuswhore who beta read this for me bc everyone knows i don't proofread anything

“He’s single.”

You ignore Nayeon’s statement, pretending to scroll through a cafe’s website on your phone.

“He’s single,” she repeated, clearing her throat for a moment before. She’s unsure if you heard her.

Still no response. You try bopping your head to music, hoping Nayeon will think you’re extremely engrossed in the faint music from the radio.

She doesn’t.

“Mingyu’s single, damnit!” Nayeon yells out this time, and you obviously are caught off guard by the way you nearly jump out of your seat.

You crane your neck at her and frown. “I know Mingyu’s single! I know he’s single, Nayeon, but that doesn’t explain why he never replied to my message!” you cry out, throwing your hands in the air. “If anything, this makes things worse—that means he’s available and plain doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Nayeon shakes her head at you, turning her eyes back to the road. “That’s not true. I heard he only broke up with his ex recently. Maybe he’s just taking a break from … well, you know: other girls. I think that’s fair.” You don’t say anything, but you know she’s right. “And I think …” Nayeon follows, while you mentally prepare for what you know she’ll say, “I think you should learn to do that too.”

“Nayeon!” you whine.

“What? You also just broke up with Taehyun—there should be a waiting period, don’t you think? At least like—four months.”

“Four months?!” you screech. It’s a passing thought that she’s right. Deep down, you know that space is just what you need—a vacation from boys—all of them.

“Yes, four months. Seriously, do you think you’re even emotionally over Taehyun?”

You frown at her question, because you both know the answer to that. For god’s sake, you’d called her crying over how you fucked up by breaking up with him. “I mean—”

“You know, I don’t even think four months would be long enough for you. You’re so far gone, I think you might need at least a year before you can emotionally commit to someone.”

“Wow,” you say dryly. “Didn’t know you knew me better than myself.”

Nayeon smirks at you. “I mean, I think we both know that’s true.”

You huff, crossing your arms over your shoulder, looking at the window. Even with her rather annoying (albeit correct) analysis of your feelings, you’re grateful for her emotional support, and her offer to pick you up from the airport.

“How have you and Cheol been,” you ask her a few moments later, hopefully diverting the conversation. Nayeon huffs at your persistence on not talking about this, but she finally lets up.

“We’ve been good. Long distance has been easier than we expected,” she replies honestly.

“That’s good, I’m glad,” you say, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs just a little. It’s unfortunate that you and Taehyun weren’t so lucky. You two lasted ten months of long distance before things began to crumble.

You push the thought of you and Taehyun to the back of your mind. Just even hearing his name is enough for your stomach to turning into ugly knots, memories flooding back to you about just how badly you fucked up.

You try to remind yourself that mistakes happen to be learned from.

You can only hope that you don’t let anything like that happen again. Ever again.

It’s the next night when Nayeon climbs into your car as you park out in front of her place. “Coming home for break never really gets old, huh,” she says, buckling up over her lacy top.

“Cute top,” you compliment as you pull out of her driveway and make your way back onto the road.

“Thanks. Cheol got it for me,” she replies with a grin. “You ready for the night?” she asks with a slightly sarcastic laugh.

“Rhetorical question?” you shoot back with a raised brow. “Honestly, I’m not sure. It might be nice to see everyone together again, but also I’m glad that we left a lot of those people in the past.”

“Ooh, what do you mean by that?” Nayeon coos, and you both laugh together.

“As if you don’t know what I mean. I can’t imagine you’re exactly looking forward to seeing Renjun again.”

Nayeon grimaces deeply when you say that. “Why would you say that?” she whines. “Just had to go and remind me about him …”

“Nayeon, I love you but I’m not apologizing because you’re literally going to see him in ten minutes.”

“Whatever. Anyways, I know I told you to take time away from guys, but you’ve been pretty mopey about this whole thing with Taehyun and—”

“Hey! You said it was okay if I talked about him.”

“Before you rudely cut me off,” Nayeon snaps, “I was going to say that it’s okay to be upset about him. I just think maybe it’s also okay to let him out of your system, y’know? Deep clean sorta thing.”

You cock an eyebrow at her. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Well I was getting to that! You know who’s going to be there tonight?” she says excitedly.

“Oh let me guess,” you say flatly, pausing for an intentional five seconds before deadpanning, “oh my gosh, Mingyu?”

“Yeah! Come on, be more excited about it!” Nayeon cheers you on.

You sigh dramatically. “You know, I would be a lot more excited about seeing him if he didn’t air me when I messaged him a month ago.” You physically cringe whenever the image of your lone message in the chat with Mingyu pops into your head.

are you going to be home for the break?

He never responded, casually on brand for Mingyu and his nonchalance.

“The others haven’t talked to him since high school right?” you confirm with Nayeon. “None of you guys were really friends with him, if I remember correctly.”

“Yeah, I mean all of them don’t like him,” Nayeon says, referring to her other group of friends. You furrow your eyebrows.

“I guess he was kinda mean in high school …” you reply with a sigh. It’s true. Mingyu was kinda mean. Nayeon gives you a questionable look.

“No—well yeah—but they all don’t like him because they liked him and he didn’t give a shit. Hell, even I thought Mingyu was cute, but he would like never do anything with any of us.”

You purse your lips. You didn’t know that. “Oh really,” you say dryly.

“Yeah,” Nayeon says with a half laugh, and then shoots you a smirk. “That’s kinda why at the beginning of senior year Seoyeon was kinda, well, you know—”

“Bitchy,” you finished off for her. “I guess it makes sense,” you continue with a little sparkle in your eyes. You feel a wave of giddiness wash over you as you let yourself smile when you say, “I mean, I did get to kiss him.”

When you were with Taehyun, you always tried to avoid thinking about what happened that one night in senior year. Drunk for the first time ever, sharing a few puffs of weed with Mingyu, and there you and him were, cuddling on Nayeon’s friend’s couch in the living room in front of all of your friends. And then eventually the couch turned into a bed, and you weren’t surrounded by your friends, you were surrounded by four walls and a locked door, and of course you weren’t cuddling—damn it—you were on Mingyu’s lap and kissing him.

But of course, it was no perfect evening, because then the ruckus that follows 10 shots of alcohol began to crawl up your throat, and Nayeon was banging on the door (god, who’s room even was this?); so you flung yourself out of the room and hurled into the toilet across the hall.

That’s all you remember from the night, but unfortunately your friends reminded you of your rather poor alcohol decisions when you were sober the next morning.

“You kissed Mingyu!” they had said. “That’s fucking crazy. Didn’t you like him like two years ago?”

You had grimaced at them. Shrugged, trying to act like that wasn’t all that was running through your head because yeah, you did like Mingyu two years ago and it might’ve been a silly little hallway crush but god, if he didn’t have your stomach doing twists and turns for no damn reason and—

Eyes on the road, you remind yourself when you feel like you’re getting too caught up in your thoughts. Clearing your mind as you near the parking lot of the bar, you and Nayeon chat up on the latest gossip about all the people you’re about to see.

Soon, you make it into the bar, and you’re met with a myriad of familiar faces. They greet you with polite small talk and it’s a little bit funny. You have seen these people at quite possibly the most embarrassing era of their lives; and they had seen you at yours. It’s funny how you now exchange awkward smiles and unfamiliar handshakes with these same people.

You say hi to them slowly, one by one, checking them off in your head. Renjun … Joshua … Wonwoo … Seungkwan … Soonyoung … and the list goes on. Silently, you brace yourself for the last person of the lot.

Everyone’s conversing among themselves, so you’re confident that no one’s going to watch the horribly awkward interaction you and Mingyu have when your eyes meet as you approach him. You both might have agreed to pretend nothing ever happened between you two, but there’s something uneasy in the air right now. You haven’t seen each other in over a year.

You’ve been watching him from the corner of your vision. He’s got on a black button up, casually unbuttoned, shiny watch glinting against the dim bar lights, dark wash jeans that make his butt look really nice and—

God, you need to stop getting so ahead of yourself. You find yourself almost faltering in your step, getting caught up in your thoughts when you approach him.

“Hi,” you say to Mingyu once you finally find yourself in front of him. You try and distract yourself from the way heat is rushing to your face as you remember that he’s probably read the message you sent him, but you hope he won’t bring it up.

“Long time no see,” Mingyu responds with a smile you can’t quite read. You two stand in a bit of an awkward silence before you get the feeling that you don’t really want to be in this situation anymore. You clear your throat and straighten your back upon the realization.

“Well,” you say, letting your eyes wander elsewhere in the bar. “It was nice seeing you. I’m gonna just—” you point at Nayeon with a few of your other friends by the barstools, “—get going, you know, and—” you almost find yourself rambling before you choose to shut yourself up and walk away.

As you’re turning away, you hear Mingyu call your name for god knows what reason.

“We should catch up,” he says casually.

There it is. That’s it.

You turn back to him for just a moment, flashing a smile and a nod, before going back to spend some time with your other friends.

It’s about an hour and a half later, and you and your girl friends are past the pleasantries and now knee-deep into sharing the raunchy details of the past few semesters at college.

At some point, the drinks everyone had gotten at the beginning seemed to be running dry, so Seoyeon says, “Hey ladies, anyone ready for another few rounds of drinks, or—”

“Or even better!” Sakura squeals. “Shots! Who wants shots?!”

All of your friends cheer, and you smile along with them. “You guys go ahead,” you tell them when they start picking their stuff from where you’re seated to the bar area. “I’m driving tonight, so I’ll pass,” you explain, patting Nayeon on the shoulder.

She hugs you from the side, murmuring, “Ugh, you’re the best,” before joining the others as they head for their new round of drinks—or shots, was it—or maybe both—who knows? As they start walking away, you see a tall figure walking toward you, and once you recognize just who it’s about to be, your stomach does a flip.

“Hey,” Mingyu greets you once again, after the others all leave, and you’re scared to look him in the eye. You can see it from the corner of your vision: that gleam in his eyes. It’s mischievous, almost, but mixed with something else you can’t quite figure out.

He’s an enigma, you remind yourself again, and you don’t think you’ll ever quite figure him out.

“Hey,” you say softly, unsure what to follow with. You grip your mocktail from earlier a little tighter, using your other hand to stir it round with the thin straw.

“So, how’ve you been?” Mingyu asks you with a smile, raising both his eyebrows in a way that almost makes you want to call him cute. He leans against a wall beside you both, and gosh—it’s sexy too, and it’s driving you ‘cause he’s cute and he’s sexy at the same damn time, and you just can’t wrap your mi—

The question. You need to answer his question.

“I’ve been … alright,” you tell him, finally lifting your gaze to look up at his eyes. They’re staring right back at you, and you may not be under the influence, but you’re definitely under his. “Pretty good, recently actually,” you decide to add, some rush of excitement flooding over you. “You?”

Mingyu smiles at your near chirpiness, still holding eye contact. “Guess I could say the same. I’ve been better,” he says, and you both chuckle. “But I’ve been doing good, especially back here at home,” he says.

“Yeah,” you agree, “Something about this place, huh?”

“Something about this place …” Mingyu repeats, “Yeah. Well that’s fuckin’ true. It makes me feel a certain way.”

“Brings back the memories for me,” you say.

“The good?” Mingyu asks with a bit of an open-mouthed smile. “Or the bad?”

You look up at the ceiling, holding a finger to your chin while pretending to think intensely. “Both!” you conclude after a few seconds. Mingyu lets out a small laugh at your display, and then you find yourself thinking about that stupid four letter word. Cute.

“Cheers to that,” he chuckles, holding his bottle of beer up to you. You hold your mocktail glass up as well, clicking the glass with Mingyu and smiling together.

“Hey,” he continues, “can I get you another drink? Not sure how long you’ve been holding onto that one, but it seems like it’s no good now anyways.”

“Oh, no, no, no! I’m not drinking tonight—gotta get Nayeon and myself home safely. This is so I still look like I’m having a drink. Mocktail,” you tell him.

“Oh really? That’s funny. I never took you as a DD kinda girl—I’m much more familiar with the version of you that … well, you know.”

Yeah, yeah you did fucking know.

“What can I say, I’m a changed woman,” you claim coolly, aiming to act unbothered by what he just brought up. You take this as your chance to lean into him a little closer, holding your drink up to his nose. “What? Don’t believe me? Smell it.”

This time, Mingyu leans in even closer to you, hardly a foot of space between you two. You can only hope no one sees you two like this. Luckily for you and Mingyu, everyone seems to be a bit preoccupied with their own shenanigans elsewhere.

“Guess I believe you,” he finally concludes, lifting his head back up and settling back in his previous position. “So how’s school? Heard you’re running with that—what is it—math degree?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a smile. The thought of Mingyu hearing about you and remembering the details has you feeling some kind of way. “Got a few more courses left and then I can graduate! I’m assuming the same for you—only two more semesters, yeah?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I might go abroad this next semester actually,” he tells you.

“Oh really. Where’re you headed?”

“Spain, hopefully. Still waiting to see if I’ll be able to graduate on time if I go.”

“Wow,” you say in a breath. The image of Mingyu walking the roads of Spain under the sun, his tan skin glowing from the— “Wow, yeah. Spain is really cool. I’ve never been.”

“You should stop by,” Mingyu says with a shrug, almost too casually. You narrow your eyebrows at him.

Just as you’re about to respond, Nayeon drapes herself over you from behind, a little more than tipsy to add. You’re a bit startled, eyes wide and facing Mingyu as you both take a few steps, backing away from each other.

“Hey,” Nayeon greets with a faint slur, pointing a lazy finger at Mingyu. “This,” she says exaggeratedly, this time moving her finger to point at you, “is my lovely DD for the night, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t take her out for a puff.”

Mingyu gives her a flat look. “Wasn’t planning on it,” he says dryly, clearly bothered by Nayeon’s interruption.

Nayeon shrugs and you’re a little bit confused as to why she’s suddenly acting with this edge of hostility towards Mingyu. (Last you checked, their families were friends, and Nayeon was one of the only girls here who didn’t truly dislike him.)

“Wouldn’t count on it, you know, given what happened the last time,” Nayeon bites back, and this time you’re the one to be slightly irritated.

You shrug her off your back, saying, “Nayeon, don’t worry, I’m not gonna smoke or anything—trust me.” You think thoughtfully, glancing between her and Mingyu who has an indecipherable look on his face, and then you add, “And Mingyu wouldn’t anyways. I already told him I’m driving home. Why don’t you go hang out with Sakura? Looks like she’s calling you over.”

“Really?” Nayeon squeals, and just as quickly as she showed up, she’s gone again.

You chuckle as she hurries off, turning back to Mingyu. “Sorry about that,” you tell him sheepishly when you catch the way his lips are pursed tightly.

“Your friends will never let that up, huh?” he says, and you think he almost sounds annoyed as he takes a sip of his drink.

You raise a brow. “Have your friends let it up? Probably not, huh?” you bite back, a little mischievously. You’re both teetering around the topic—not exactly talking about what happened that night years ago, but at the same time, you’re both definitely talking about just exactly that.

Mingyu chuckles. “Touche.”

You’re unsure of what to say next. You can’t quite tell where this conversation is headed—if it’ll lead you to another dead end—another few years of shoving your lust for Mingyu to the back of your mind before he pops up again and makes you start all over again. There’s always going to be a little spark though, kindling somewhere inside you, ready to plunge yourself into this man you hardly know.

“Senior year was kinda crazy, wasn’t it?” you say with a sly smile.

When Mingyu mirrors the look on your face, you swear you feel the spark turn into a small flame. “Yeah, you could put it like that.”

You’re surely not intoxicated, but when you sense him shuffling a little closer to you, running his hands through his thick dark hair, a wave of boldness courses through you. “Do you miss it?” you ask, almost innocently, with your big pretty eyes staring up at him.

Mingyu smirks. “I probably should say no … but that would be lying. And I am no longer a liar.”

“Oh, has the Kim Mingyu retired from his title of pathological liar?”

Mingyu laughs this time, and it’s hearty. “I have, but just for tonight.”

“Does that mean I’m never going to see this truthful, honest version of yourself again?” you whine with a fake pout. You’re treading unfamiliar waters here, but you can’t remember the last time you had this much fun single.

Mingyu gives you a warning look, but then smiles. He opens his mouth, ready to respond, when Joshua calls out his name.

“Yo Mingyu! Check this out!” he yells from across the bar.

“Give me a second,” Mingyu calls back, but just as he’s about to turn back to you, Wonwoo speaks up.

“Nah Mingyu, you gotta come over now. Soonyoung’s doing this weird ass thing and—hurry up! He’s not gonna do it again and—” You hear a series of unintelligible shouts come from that area, and Mingyu gives an apologetic look before tending to his friends.

There’s something in his eyes that told you, this isn’t finished yet, but before you know it your friends scoop you up from the table area and pull you over to where they’re playing pool. Soon, any hopes you had of talking to Mingyu again were slim to none, both of you two involved with whatever your friends were doing, but also conscious about how it would look if you guys talked alone for any longer.

You can’t handle the speculation.

You’re pretty confident Mingyu wouldn’t be a fan either.

Later that night, you drop Nayeon off at her house, and then make your way back to your own home. After doing your nightly routine, you slip into the soft covers of your bed when you hear a soft buzz come from your phone.

You’re not exactly sure who’d be texting you at this hour, but as you reach for your device, something in your stomach just knows.

You’re smiling before you even tap your screen.

You’re grinning by the time you see the name pop up brightly.

mingyu: my fault for not responding earlier mingyu: so boba tomorrow at 8?

“Can’t remember the last time I had boba past 6 pm, to be honest. Weird choice,” you remark, tapping on the kiosk to adjust your order to your liking.

“You gonna be sassy about every decision I make?” Mingyu huffs, standing right by you in the empty little boba shop. You hum, as you continue to finalize your order.

“Mm, that depends.”

“On?”

“On what kinda decisions you make.”

Mingyu scoffs. “You’re impossible.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda my thing, you know?” you reply cheekily, clicking on the ‘Ready to Pay’ option on the screen. Just as you’re about to pull out your card, a firm hand is on your shoulder. You look up at Mingyu as he gently pushes you to the side and replaces your spot in front of the kiosk.

You don’t say anything as he punches in his own order, pulls out his credit card, and pays for both of your drinks. As the machine outputs the receipt, you show him a small smile. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Mingyu gives you a look. “Yeah, I did.” There’s a bit of an awkward silence. Mingyu paying for your drink isn’t too weird—your guy friends in college buy you food all the time! Albeit you do occasionally return the favor, it never feels anything more than platonic.

So why does it give you butterflies when Mingyu so casually puts you under his tab?

You choose not to care. You’re not expecting anything out of this, after all. This is just for all good fun—reminiscing, if you wanted to put it like that.

“What’d you get?” you ask him, breaking the silence, as you peer over his arm to glance at the receipt. The action has your cheek brushing against his shoulder, and something tells you the both of you are thinking about it just as much as the other.

“Passionfruit green tea,” he says, holding the receipt closer to you so you can read it more clearly.

“Mmm, yummy,” you say gleefully, giving Mingyu a cheeky smile.

“Hey,” he scoffs. “I didn’t say I’d let you try my drink! Don’t get ahead of yourself now,” he teases.

You pout and furrow your eyebrows. “What the hell, Mingyu? Why not?” you cry out overdramatically. “Oh come on, I was gonna share my toffee caramel tea with you!”

Mingyu rolls his eyes playfully. “I don’t like toffee.”

“I didn’t know that! I would have ordered something else then.”

“Too bad you didn’t,” Mingyu replies with a carefree shrug.

You glare at him, stomach fluttering with something youthful—you’re having fun with Mingyu. “That’s not fair!” you whine.

“Must suck,” he says indifferently, watching you cross your arms over your chest from the corner of his vision. Something sparks inside Mingyu in the moment, watching you look up at him through your thick lashes. “Maybe I can give you a sip or two …”

Your eyes glow. “Really?”

Mingyu grins. “Yeah, but you’re going to have to repay me.”

Your eyes meet, and there’s something electric in the way you look at each other. The thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn’t be doing. That what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

But Mingyu’s eyes are glimmering, and there’s something in your stomach that is yelling at you to stop thinking so damn much and slam on the accelerator. You beam up at him with a challenging gaze.

“How do you want me to do that?”

An hour later you’re in Mingyu’s room, stumbling through his door with your hands already all over each other. His lips are soft against yours, peppering short but hot kisses all over you, your face, your neck and—god, fuck, how does he know about that one spot on your neck?

“Ah, Mingyu,” you moan quietly when his hands palm at your hip, fingers sliding under your shirt and brushing over your skin. His hands are warm, but still you shiver at the touch—just knowing it’s Mingyu and you, alone in this moment, is enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Well, that, and the way he’s got his tongue tracing over your collarbone. He’s too good at this, you think to yourself for a moment, before getting lost in the feeling. Soon, he brings his lips back to yours, and you kiss fervently as you stumble backwards into his bed.

With the back of your knees hitting the mattress, you both go tumbling onto the sheets, and suddenly everything feels all too familiar. Mingyu’s hands in your hair. Your lips glossy and swollen as you start to press kisses into his neck. The growing heat between the two of you.

You and Mingyu twist around in the sheets for a blissful moment, clothes and hair going awry as your limbs intertwine in this hot, messy mess of a hook-up. At some point, Mingyu ends up underneath you, back propped up against the mattress so that he’s sitting up straight, your legs straddling him as you nestle in his lap.

With your hands all over each other, he’s got his grip on your hips, pushing them up and forward in a curved motion that has you grinding against him. “Fuck,” you whimper when you feel his painfully hard length brush against your throbbing heat.

Your tummy tumbles at the prospects of what’s to come. Pulling back from Mingyu’s hot lips, you get to see him in a way you never thought you’d get to again—cheeks flushed, eyes fluttered shutted, and swollen lips partially open and panting for breath. His dark wisps of hair come down over his forehead, sticking to the thin layer of sweat that coats his tan skin.

Slowly Mingyu begins to open high eyes, laughing lightly. The sound makes you want to grin into eternity. Gently, he cups your face and pulls you in for a kiss, this one much softer, much lighter than the ones before.

Mingyu kisses you with what—dare you say it—care. He kisses you with care, he holds your chin as if it were made of glass, he brushes his tongue against yours in a way that tells you he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here and—

The thoughts have you reeling. Has being sexless for the past few months made you this vulnerable? you think to yourself in a passing moment; has the lack of male physical contact been this detrimental to your ability to have sex without feelings?

The moment passes, and you choose to push your thoughts to the back of your mind, pushing your lips harder into Mingyu’s to fuel a more fiery, more aggressive kiss. He groans into it, and the burning heat you feel every time you grind down on it makes it impossible for you to wait longer.

Slowly, you pull away from him and scoot down the bed between his legs. For a moment, Mingyu is still in a daze, eyes half open as he still imagines the feeling of his lips on yours. You inch down further, bringing your hands closer and closer to the waistband of his jeans.

Right as your fingers brush over the little bit of skin that peeks between his shirt and his belt, Mingyu lets out a soft gasp. Looking up at him, you’re met with the sight of his blown out eyes as he reaches down to hold your face again.

“I-I know I said you gotta repay me, but you know, you don’t really have to—not like this at least. I mean you can, but not if you don—” Mingyu rambles for a moment, and you almost want to use that god-forsaken word. Cute.

“Hey,” you say quietly, pressing your index finger to his lip. “Lemme do this—I want to.” You feel him relax under you, the finger that was on his lips slowly tracing down his jaw and then his neck, inching to his collar and—

Oh, he’s already gotten started on unbuttoning his shirt. You almost forget to get back at it, with the way you’re staring him down right now. Mingyu chuckles a little, watching the way your eyes dilate as you gaze over him.

“Like what you see?” He says it in a way like he knows what he’s doing to you. Like he knows you’ve got a puddle between the crest of your thighs.

You’re not shameful enough to stop yourself from grinning and nodding, “I do.”

Mingyu’s eyes flame with that hunger you’ve seen before. He likes the way you’re doing this. “You’re the fuckin’ devil aren’t you?” he coos, as you start to unbuckle his belt, pulling down the waistband of his pants. He lifts his hips as you pull them further down, patiently waiting for your response.

“The devil … you must think red suits me then,” you say it like a question. The way you smile tells Mingyu you’ve got something hidden up your sleeve. While he shrugs off his unbuttoned shirt, you sit nestled between his legs still fully clothed.

Mingyu watches you as you tug at the hem of your shirt before gently pulling it over your head, revealing a deep red lacy bra underneath.

“Speak of the devil herself,” Mingyu breathes out with a small smile, continuing to watch as you shimmy off your bottoms and reveal matching red panties. You admit: it’s doing a lot for a first boba date, but you can’t help but think it fits the scene perfectly.

Mingyu leans forward, pressing kissing on the bare skin of your chest as you play with the waistband of his briefs before finally pushing them down to reveal his length. Looking down, it’s long and it’s pretty and it’s thick, with veins pushing up against the sides.

With a soft gasp, you pull away from Mingyu and slowly settle yourself lower in the bed so that you’re laying stomach side down right in between his legs. Mingyu watches you from his view above; he watches the ways your eyes slowly gaze over his dick, fingers inching toward it before finally wrapping around the base.

He nearly gasps when you do—and Kim Mingyu is no virgin—but something about the warmth in your fingertips and the softness in your touch has him feeling electric. So when you bring your tongue to his shiny tip and lap, he straight up moans.

The sound alone has you opening your mouth wider, taking him fully into your mouth and down. Immediately, Mingyu’s hands shoot to your head, scooping up bundles of your hair and holding it behind your head. Slowly, you find yourself in a pattern of moving your head up and down, except there’s just one problem.

Mingyu is far too big and he’s far too gentle—you can’t fit enough of him in your mouth and he’s not exactly pushing you down so you think it’s time to take some action.

So as gently as you can, you begin to hollow out your cheeks and push yourself further down his length, eyes shutting when he hits the back of your throat. At once, you hear a loud groan and if you could move your lips right now, you’d be grinning.

And so you do it again. You pull your head back up and just as your lips are about to leave his tip you come back down and push as far as you can go, each time going a bit further down than the last. You do it a few more times before your jaw begins to ache for a break, and you pull yourself off of him completely.

You’re met with Mingyu’s dazed eyes as you look up. “You’re crazy,” he pants, fingers still tangled in your hair. “Holy fuck, you’re crazy.”

You grin up at him. “Sorry,” you say cheekily, watching as he throws his head back, taking deep breaths of air. His firm chest rises up and down heavily, and the heat between your legs grows at the realization that you’re the one to have him like this.

“Don’t apologize—shit—that was so—d-do that again,” he says, eyes darkening when he looks back down at you. His hands gingerly wipe some tears from your cheeks, going back up to hold your hair all the way back again. “That was so fucking hot.”

Your stomach churns as you part your lips again, wrapping them around his tip which now adorns a pretty stream of pre. He groans again when you envelop him in your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks as you start to move down again.

To be honest, you’re not usually this good at giving head, but with Mingyu, he’s got this—oh, there it is—the way your name rolls of his lips in a deep, guttural tone that has you gushing in your panties, and then you can’t help but press down more.

So you do it again, and again, until Mingyu’s practically thrusting his hips up as you take him into your mouth, his handsome face glistening with sweat from restraining himself. You don’t know how much time goes by but at some point you feel a tug; you look up and it’s Mingyu’s hands guiding your head off of him and pulling you into his mouth.

He kisses you messily, tongues licking into each others’ mouths as you shift so that you’re back at straddling him. With Mingyu fully naked, your bare stomach presses against his skin when his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around Mingyu’s neck as you continue to kiss into him, bodies melting into one. You ease back to your previous movement of grinding into him, but with such little fabric between the two of you this time, it’s getting harder and harder to wait.

It doesn’t take long for his hand to make its way to your panties, rubbing your heat over the soaked fabric for a moment before lifting it and pushing it to the side.

Mingyu pulls away now, watching your face slowly contort into expressions of pleasure as he runs his fingers up and down between your sopping hole and clit.

“Mingyu,” you manage to whimper through heavy breaths.

“Yeah baby?” The nickname itself nearly has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He probably doesn’t have a clue about what he does to you.

“Can’t wait,” you tell him quickly, hands already grabbing for his glistening length. Mingyu, a little startled by your forwardness, falters back into the headboard a bit, relaxing for hardly a second before he feels your fingers guiding his dick toward your hole.

He thought he’d sit there and finger you first—give you a good eating out because if anything, Mingyu’s always really wanted a taste of you first—but something about the way you look at him with these eyes that look like you’d give him the world and more has him bending to your needy wishes/

So, when his tip is finally at your entrance, you both moan loudly. Your fingers make your way up to Mingyu’s neck, playing with the soft and short hairs that sit at the nape of his neck. “Oh,” you say in a sigh when his hips gently push you down to envelope his tip.

Even having him in your mouth couldn’t prepare you for taking Mingyu’s length inside of you. His tip, thick and bulbous, presses into you, and inch by inch you begin to let out small gasps.

“You’re—holy shit, you’re so big, M’ngyu,” you whimper.

You say it so cutely, Mingyu can’t help but groan under his breath. “Yeah?” he manages out, trying to hide the extent to which you’ve got him in a daze. “Can’t take it?” he coos.

Mingyu is, at the very least, extremely pleased when you—you, in your lustful, hazy state—still manage to cock an eyebrow at him and retort, “Of course I can.”

“Atta girl,” Mingyu murmurs, smiling with pride as he reaches for hips. Lowering your body over his dick, he watches you carefully while you continue to take him all in.

The way your chest heaves up and down in short breaths as you try to control yourself. The way your eyebrows pinch together every few seconds when you let out a small moan. The way your stomach twitches and turns when he brushes a finger over your clit.

You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful to Mingyu, he doesn’t think anyone can comprehend all the ways he wants to fuck you right now. Well, that is, anyone but you, because as soon as your bottom is pressed against Mingyu’s legs and you’ve gone as far down as you can go, you bring yourself back up and grind back down on his dick.

“Fuck, do that again,” Mingyu demands, but it comes out as nothing more than a pleading gasp as you both get used to the feeling of each other—it’s overwhelming, yet in the best way possible. “You’re so damn hot,” he murmurs when you repeat the motion, pressing wet kisses into your neck.

Each roll of your hips is punctuated with a quiet moan from your lips, the two of your lips meeting every few moments in a fiery but fleeting kiss. Mingyu fills you up so deeply, in a way that leaves you wanting more and more.

Your body is on fire and you can’t seem to stop now. It’s just—Mingyu’s got his dick pressing all the spots inside of you that have you biting down on your bottom lip, that have you digging your fingers into the hard muscle of his shoulder, that have you moaning into his mouth.

But even your own body has limits, because while the feeling of you bouncing back down on his length every time is nothing short of euphoric, your legs only have so much strength. Gradually, your legs begin to get sore.

Within seconds Mingyu notices the falter in your movements, and suddenly his hands are under your thighs, picking you up, and flipping you onto your back. Your back is now against the mattress, head resting on a soft pillow as Mingyu readjusts above you.

“Getting tired?” Mingyu chuckles, as he reaches down for his dick, aligning it at your entrance once more. A needy whine escapes your throat when he finally is inside of you again, his length filling up what felt far too empty in those passing moments before.

“Didn’t—ah! D-Didn’t take you as the type to make the girl do a-all the work,” you bite back.

Mingyu cocks his eyebrow at you, and you almost want to grin at the way his eyes darken at your challenging comment. “You got a bad bad mouth, huh? Let’s see if you can talk much anymore soon.” You open your mouth to respond, but at the last moment, Mingyu pushes that last bit of his length inside of you, effectively rendering you speechless as you see stars and try to quiet the rush in your ears. Mingyu just laughs. “Didn’t think so.”

He pauses for a few seconds inside of you, and you take this chance to admire him in a way you didn’t get to before. His skin is flushed all over, pink blooming over his cheeks as he swipes a tongue over his lips. As your gaze travels down, you catch sight of his abs once again, and you can’t help but grin at just the idea of getting to see him like this.

Now, Mingyu starts out with his first thrust. It’s deep, and unforgiving might you add. You shriek loudly, not expecting to fill you up even more than before, yet somehow it’s both equally overwhelming and infinitely more euphoric.

Based on the volume of your response to the first, he follows with another thrust, this one nearly as moving. Your responses mimic the last, and soon, Mingyu enjoys the pleasure of seeing you become a moaning mess beneath him.

So there Mingyu is, fucking the daylights out of you, one his palm cupping your cheek. And now here he goes, jotting his thumb out and pushing against your lips. It doesn’t even take a second for you to part your lips, his thumb slipping inside.

“Good fucking girl,” he grunts under his breath where you roll your tongue over the pad of his finger tip. Faintly, Mingyu recalls the way you swiped your tongue over his dick and there he goes with a particularly hard thrust at the thought.

Your legs are folded up completely, thighs pressing into your chest deeply every time Mingyu pounds into you. A moan stifles up one after another, muffled by his thumb in your mouth, but somehow not getting any quieter.

It’s around this point when Mingyu starts to feel it, the way you squirm a bit more after each deep, pointed thrust. The way your mouth starts to widen more and more, moans getting louder by the moment. The way you’re tightening around him—and there goes his queue.

His thumb in your mouth is pulled out and quickly moved down your stomach between your legs and right on your clit. That’s when you move from moaning to downright whimpering—whining—into Mingyu’s shoulders.

Your toes begin to tighten as he continues to slam into you, every muscle in your body beginning to go limp as you rake your fingers into his back, trying to hold on to something to ground you.

“I know baby,” Mingyu moans, his hands holding onto your hips with such a tightness you know you’ll be left with bruises.

“I’m s’close,” you manage to gasp out, hips meekly pushing up as well to meet Mingyu’s half way. You’re trying your best to keep to it together but fuck, it all feels so good—his skin is so hot but somehow your core feels even hotter.

You feel tears of pleasure roll down your cheeks when you finally feel it—Mingyu’s length so deep inside of you, pressing up against your walls in all the right places—and so you crash.

Moaning and whimpering and writhing beneath him, you cry out when you finish, “Mingyu, fuck! I’m—’m coming.”

To which Mingyu gently kisses your neck while roughly pounding into you harder, now trying to meet his own end in deep fervor. “I know baby, I know jus’—fuck,” he nearly cuts himself off with his own moan when he feels your tight pussy squeeze around him. “Just’ hold on for me a little longer s—oh.”

You’ve got some spell on him. That’s got to be it. A damn spell has got to be the reason Mingyu’s finding himself way quicker than he’s ever before.

You’re brain is a bit too fucked to register the beautiful mix of shock and pleasure that crosses over Mingyu’s face when he begins to paint your soft walls white. “Fuck,” Mingyu groans loudly, pressing his dick so deep into you that you think you’d be able to feel it through your belly.

You squeal softly at the feeling—your pussy is now a hot, sopping, sensitive mess, and Mingyu’s cock is just far too long and far too fat for you to handle. However, the feeling of his seed fill you up has a warmth that overtakes the slight feeling of discomfort.

The air in his room begins to grow quiet and still as Mingyu finally slips his softening length out of you. You still lay with your back against the sheets, Mingyu pulling himself off without a word and flopping down on the bed next to you.

This silence is new.

It’s not uncomfortable, but there still seems to be some unspoken words that fill the space between you and Mingyu. Only the sound of your heavy breaths fills the room, the erratic patterns steadily starting to even out.

“Was that enough repayment for you?” you finally ask casually, breaking the silence. Mingyu chuckles softly.

“It was … pretty nice, I guess,” he responds, pushing himself up into a sitting position to fix the covers more comfortably over the both of you.

You narrow your eyebrows up at him. “Pretty nice? I’m gonna kill you!”

This time Mingyu laughs. “What do you want me to say? Yeah, it was fucking amazing?”

You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. “Well, would that be the truth?” you challenge him, a smirk making its way onto your lips.

“Of course it would be,” Mingyu scoffs—something about his shameless admission of praise has your cheeks burning and eyes lighting up. “But if I say that, then it means you’ve fully repaid me, and that means that we don’t have to do this again.”

“Ah I get it, so you’re lying to me so you can fuck me again,” you reply. Mingyu rolls his eyes at you.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he pauses, and looks like he’s contemplating something before continuing. “But I mean, you can totally say no. Because with the way you’re talking, it seems like you aren’t interested so why don’t I save you the pain of having to reject me and—” As he turns away to grab something from his night stand, you cut him off.

“Hey, I didn’t say that!” you exclaim once you catch where he’s going. You say it so brazenly it startles Mingyu a little, and he turns around to face you.

Your eyes meet and oh—there it is again. That feeling in your stomach, a warm knot that tumbles around. You’re not sure what it means. You’re not sure what this means—this being you laying in Mingyu’s bed.

Something in the way Mingyu looks at you tells you you’re not going to have an answer for a while.

Something in the way Mingyu smiles at you tells you that you’re at least going to have some fun trying to find out.

a/n: hopeeeee u guys liked it! btw reader is a self insert so if u don't like her GET AWWWT. anywho i was rly nervous about posting this but here we go ... wait can u guys believe it took me literally 3 months to write this smut. i had the entire fic + more follow up stuff but all i had to write was this chunk of smut in the middle and i didn't do it literally just because i didn't want to. i don't like writing smut in full lenth fics anymore (ramble time. pls ignore me) because i have to write the entire scene. like i enjoy smut drabbles because it's fun i get to experiment but unless it's a full length fic related to a sex relate concept then it's fun (aka crybaby). i personally don't really enjoy most of the other smuts i write for things like this fic + flight of the stars, etc, because it's just the same kind of smut scene rewritten in different ways. i feel i'm not even doing it in different ways atp—I FEEL I AM LITERALLY WRITING THE SAME SCENES I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE. how many different ways can one write "oh my god that feels so good" like sorry. okay i'm done with my rant and for clarity i actually do not care this much. i just think it's funny but i get it because i like little smuts like this when i read it's just a pain to write because at some point it's hard to get creative and i feel like i'm being a lazy writer :/ i write all this and complain and blah blah but i do really enjoy it like OK yeah i spent 3 months writing this smut but it ended up being way longer than i anticipated so ummm whose fault is that?! (everyone look away from tumblr user toruru) ok sorry if u stayed til the end of this author's note actually please let me know and i will be sending u virtual kisses. anywhp pls feel free to leave comments/reblogs they mean the absolute world to me

[toruro]

i could happily write only dialogue for the rest of my life

[toruro]

taglist pt 2: @jjjzzz @peachyaeger @shoulietaro @1004luvangel @bias-recs @dollyhaes @gyulune @chiefjunlover @wonranghaeee @yunritos @Tsukkisboo @kook-alysis @tomodachiii @wonvsmile @Lskjk @h34rts4chira @kazuhateez

— ✧ guilty as sin

pairing: mingyu x reader

genre: smut (18+ / mdni), non-idol au, open ending ... (pt 2 perhaps?)

word count: 8k

description: the thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn't be doing. that what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

warnings: alcohol & (mentions of) marijuana consumption

tags: mingyu and reader went to same high school, y/n and mingyu both are freshly out of relationships, blowjobs, sex, dirty talk, idk they banter a lot i think theyre cute so believe me

a/n: so this is a fun little piece ... i do have a plot outline for a part 2 and 3 but totally depends on if u guys want to see more of them ... anyways i know i have been mia with my writing but i really like this piece so i hope u all enjoy >_<

“He’s single.”

You ignore Nayeon’s statement, pretending to scroll through a cafe’s website on your phone.

“He’s single,” she repeated, clearing her throat for a moment before. She’s unsure if you heard her.

Still no response. You try bopping your head to music, hoping Nayeon will think you’re extremely engrossed in the faint music from the radio.

She doesn’t.

“Mingyu’s single, damnit!” Nayeon yells out this time, and you obviously are caught off guard by the way you nearly jump out of your seat.

You crane your neck at her and frown. “I know Mingyu’s single! I know he’s single, Nayeon, but that doesn’t explain why he never replied to my message!” you cry out, throwing your hands in the air. “If anything, this makes things worse—that means he’s available and plain doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Nayeon shakes her head at you, turning her eyes back to the road. “That’s not true. I heard he only broke up with his ex recently. Maybe he’s just taking a break from … well, you know: other girls. I think that’s fair.” You don’t say anything, but you know she’s right. “And I think …” Nayeon follows, while you mentally prepare for what you know she’ll say, “I think you should learn to do that too.”

“Nayeon!” you whine.

“What? You also just broke up with Taehyun—there should be a waiting period, don’t you think? At least like—four months.”

“Four months?!” you screech. It’s a passing thought that she’s right. Deep down, you know that space is just what you need—a vacation from boys—all of them.

“Yes, four months. Seriously, do you think you’re even emotionally over Taehyun?”

You frown at her question, because you both know the answer to that. For god’s sake, you’d called her crying over how you fucked up by breaking up with him. “I mean—”

“You know, I don’t even think four months would be long enough for you. You’re so far gone, I think you might need at least a year before you can emotionally commit to someone.”

“Wow,” you say dryly. “Didn’t know you knew me better than myself.”

Nayeon smirks at you. “I mean, I think we both know that’s true.”

You huff, crossing your arms over your shoulder, looking at the window. Even with her rather annoying (albeit correct) analysis of your feelings, you’re grateful for her emotional support, and her offer to pick you up from the airport.

“How have you and Cheol been,” you ask her a few moments later, hopefully diverting the conversation. Nayeon huffs at your persistence on not talking about this, but she finally lets up.

“We’ve been good. Long distance has been easier than we expected,” she replies honestly.

“That’s good, I’m glad,” you say, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs just a little. It’s unfortunate that you and Taehyun weren’t so lucky. You two lasted ten months of long distance before things began to crumble.

You push the thought of you and Taehyun to the back of your mind. Just even hearing his name is enough for your stomach to turning into ugly knots, memories flooding back to you about just how badly you fucked up.

You try to remind yourself that mistakes happen to be learned from.

You can only hope that you don’t let anything like that happen again. Ever again.

It’s the next night when Nayeon climbs into your car as you park out in front of her place. “Coming home for break never really gets old, huh,” she says, buckling up over her lacy top.

“Cute top,” you compliment as you pull out of her driveway and make your way back onto the road.

“Thanks. Cheol got it for me,” she replies with a grin. “You ready for the night?” she asks with a slightly sarcastic laugh.

“Rhetorical question?” you shoot back with a raised brow. “Honestly, I’m not sure. It might be nice to see everyone together again, but also I’m glad that we left a lot of those people in the past.”

“Ooh, what do you mean by that?” Nayeon coos, and you both laugh together.

“As if you don’t know what I mean. I can’t imagine you’re exactly looking forward to seeing Renjun again.”

Nayeon grimaces deeply when you say that. “Why would you say that?” she whines. “Just had to go and remind me about him …”

“Nayeon, I love you but I’m not apologizing because you’re literally going to see him in ten minutes.”

“Whatever. Anyways, I know I told you to take time away from guys, but you’ve been pretty mopey about this whole thing with Taehyun and—”

“Hey! You said it was okay if I talked about him.”

“Before you rudely cut me off,” Nayeon snaps, “I was going to say that it’s okay to be upset about him. I just think maybe it’s also okay to let him out of your system, y’know? Deep clean sorta thing.”

You cock an eyebrow at her. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Well I was getting to that! You know who’s going to be there tonight?” she says excitedly.

“Oh let me guess,” you say flatly, pausing for an intentional five seconds before deadpanning, “oh my gosh, Mingyu?”

“Yeah! Come on, be more excited about it!” Nayeon cheers you on.

You sigh dramatically. “You know, I would be a lot more excited about seeing him if he didn’t air me when I messaged him a month ago.” You physically cringe whenever the image of your lone message in the chat with Mingyu pops into your head.

are you going to be home for the break?

He never responded, casually on brand for Mingyu and his nonchalance.

“The others haven’t talked to him since high school right?” you confirm with Nayeon. “None of you guys were really friends with him, if I remember correctly.”

“Yeah, I mean all of them don’t like him,” Nayeon says, referring to her other group of friends. You furrow your eyebrows.

“I guess he was kinda mean in high school …” you reply with a sigh. It’s true. Mingyu was kinda mean. Nayeon gives you a questionable look.

“No—well yeah—but they all don’t like him because they liked him and he didn’t give a shit. Hell, even I thought Mingyu was cute, but he would like never do anything with any of us.”

You purse your lips. You didn’t know that. “Oh really,” you say dryly.

“Yeah,” Nayeon says with a half laugh, and then shoots you a smirk. “That’s kinda why at the beginning of senior year Seoyeon was kinda, well, you know—”

“Bitchy,” you finished off for her. “I guess it makes sense,” you continue with a little sparkle in your eyes. You feel a wave of giddiness wash over you as you let yourself smile when you say, “I mean, I did get to kiss him.”

When you were with Taehyun, you always tried to avoid thinking about what happened that one night in senior year. Drunk for the first time ever, sharing a few puffs of weed with Mingyu, and there you and him were, cuddling on Nayeon’s friend’s couch in the living room in front of all of your friends. And then eventually the couch turned into a bed, and you weren’t surrounded by your friends, you were surrounded by four walls and a locked door, and of course you weren’t cuddling—damn it—you were on Mingyu’s lap and kissing him.

But of course, it was no perfect evening, because then the ruckus that follows 10 shots of alcohol began to crawl up your throat, and Nayeon was banging on the door (god, who’s room even was this?); so you flung yourself out of the room and hurled into the toilet across the hall.

That’s all you remember from the night, but unfortunately your friends reminded you of your rather poor alcohol decisions when you were sober the next morning.

“You kissed Mingyu!” they had said. “That’s fucking crazy. Didn’t you like him like two years ago?”

You had grimaced at them. Shrugged, trying to act like that wasn’t all that was running through your head because yeah, you did like Mingyu two years ago and it might’ve been a silly little hallway crush but god, if he didn’t have your stomach doing twists and turns for no damn reason and—

Eyes on the road, you remind yourself when you feel like you’re getting too caught up in your thoughts. Clearing your mind as you near the parking lot of the bar, you and Nayeon chat up on the latest gossip about all the people you’re about to see.

Soon, you make it into the bar, and you’re met with a myriad of familiar faces. They greet you with polite small talk and it’s a little bit funny. You have seen these people at quite possibly the most embarrassing era of their lives; and they had seen you at yours. It’s funny how you now exchange awkward smiles and unfamiliar handshakes with these same people.

You say hi to them slowly, one by one, checking them off in your head. Renjun … Joshua … Wonwoo … Seungkwan … Soonyoung … and the list goes on. Silently, you brace yourself for the last person of the lot.

Everyone’s conversing among themselves, so you’re confident that no one’s going to watch the horribly awkward interaction you and Mingyu have when your eyes meet as you approach him. You both might have agreed to pretend nothing ever happened between you two, but there’s something uneasy in the air right now. You haven’t seen each other in over a year.

You’ve been watching him from the corner of your vision. He’s got on a black button up, casually unbuttoned, shiny watch glinting against the dim bar lights, dark wash jeans that make his butt look really nice and—

God, you need to stop getting so ahead of yourself. You find yourself almost faltering in your step, getting caught up in your thoughts when you approach him.

“Hi,” you say to Mingyu once you finally find yourself in front of him. You try and distract yourself from the way heat is rushing to your face as you remember that he’s probably read the message you sent him, but you hope he won’t bring it up.

“Long time no see,” Mingyu responds with a smile you can’t quite read. You two stand in a bit of an awkward silence before you get the feeling that you don’t really want to be in this situation anymore. You clear your throat and straighten your back upon the realization.

“Well,” you say, letting your eyes wander elsewhere in the bar. “It was nice seeing you. I’m gonna just—” you point at Nayeon with a few of your other friends by the barstools, “—get going, you know, and—” you almost find yourself rambling before you choose to shut yourself up and walk away.

As you’re turning away, you hear Mingyu call your name for god knows what reason.

“We should catch up,” he says casually.

There it is. That’s it.

You turn back to him for just a moment, flashing a smile and a nod, before going back to spend some time with your other friends.

It’s about an hour and a half later, and you and your girl friends are past the pleasantries and now knee-deep into sharing the raunchy details of the past few semesters at college.

At some point, the drinks everyone had gotten at the beginning seemed to be running dry, so Seoyeon says, “Hey ladies, anyone ready for another few rounds of drinks, or—”

“Or even better!” Sakura squeals. “Shots! Who wants shots?!”

All of your friends cheer, and you smile along with them. “You guys go ahead,” you tell them when they start picking their stuff from where you’re seated to the bar area. “I’m driving tonight, so I’ll pass,” you explain, patting Nayeon on the shoulder.

She hugs you from the side, murmuring, “Ugh, you’re the best,” before joining the others as they head for their new round of drinks—or shots, was it—or maybe both—who knows? As they start walking away, you see a tall figure walking toward you, and once you recognize just who it’s about to be, your stomach does a flip.

“Hey,” Mingyu greets you once again, after the others all leave, and you’re scared to look him in the eye. You can see it from the corner of your vision: that gleam in his eyes. It’s mischievous, almost, but mixed with something else you can’t quite figure out.

He’s an enigma, you remind yourself again, and you don’t think you’ll ever quite figure him out.

“Hey,” you say softly, unsure what to follow with. You grip your mocktail from earlier a little tighter, using your other hand to stir it round with the thin straw.

“So, how’ve you been?” Mingyu asks you with a smile, raising both his eyebrows in a way that almost makes you want to call him cute. He leans against a wall beside you both, and gosh—it’s sexy too, and it’s driving you ‘cause he’s cute and he’s sexy at the same damn time, and you just can’t wrap your mi—

The question. You need to answer his question.

“I’ve been … alright,” you tell him, finally lifting your gaze to look up at his eyes. They’re staring right back at you, and you may not be under the influence, but you’re definitely under his. “Pretty good, recently actually,” you decide to add, some rush of excitement flooding over you. “You?”

Mingyu smiles at your near chirpiness, still holding eye contact. “Guess I could say the same. I’ve been better,” he says, and you both chuckle. “But I’ve been doing good, especially back here at home,” he says.

“Yeah,” you agree, “Something about this place, huh?”

“Something about this place …” Mingyu repeats, “Yeah. Well that’s fuckin’ true. It makes me feel a certain way.”

“Brings back the memories for me,” you say.

“The good?” Mingyu asks with a bit of an open-mouthed smile. “Or the bad?”

You look up at the ceiling, holding a finger to your chin while pretending to think intensely. “Both!” you conclude after a few seconds. Mingyu lets out a small laugh at your display, and then you find yourself thinking about that stupid four letter word. Cute.

“Cheers to that,” he chuckles, holding his bottle of beer up to you. You hold your mocktail glass up as well, clicking the glass with Mingyu and smiling together.

“Hey,” he continues, “can I get you another drink? Not sure how long you’ve been holding onto that one, but it seems like it’s no good now anyways.”

“Oh, no, no, no! I’m not drinking tonight—gotta get Nayeon and myself home safely. This is so I still look like I’m having a drink. Mocktail,” you tell him.

“Oh really? That’s funny. I never took you as a DD kinda girl—I’m much more familiar with the version of you that … well, you know.”

Yeah, yeah you did fucking know.

“What can I say, I’m a changed woman,” you claim coolly, aiming to act unbothered by what he just brought up. You take this as your chance to lean into him a little closer, holding your drink up to his nose. “What? Don’t believe me? Smell it.”

This time, Mingyu leans in even closer to you, hardly a foot of space between you two. You can only hope no one sees you two like this. Luckily for you and Mingyu, everyone seems to be a bit preoccupied with their own shenanigans elsewhere.

“Guess I believe you,” he finally concludes, lifting his head back up and settling back in his previous position. “So how’s school? Heard you’re running with that—what is it—math degree?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a smile. The thought of Mingyu hearing about you and remembering the details has you feeling some kind of way. “Got a few more courses left and then I can graduate! I’m assuming the same for you—only two more semesters, yeah?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I might go abroad this next semester actually,” he tells you.

“Oh really. Where’re you headed?”

“Spain, hopefully. Still waiting to see if I’ll be able to graduate on time if I go.”

“Wow,” you say in a breath. The image of Mingyu walking the roads of Spain under the sun, his tan skin glowing from the— “Wow, yeah. Spain is really cool. I’ve never been.”

“You should stop by,” Mingyu says with a shrug, almost too casually. You narrow your eyebrows at him.

Just as you’re about to respond, Nayeon drapes herself over you from behind, a little more than tipsy to add. You’re a bit startled, eyes wide and facing Mingyu as you both take a few steps, backing away from each other.

“Hey,” Nayeon greets with a faint slur, pointing a lazy finger at Mingyu. “This,” she says exaggeratedly, this time moving her finger to point at you, “is my lovely DD for the night, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t take her out for a puff.”

Mingyu gives her a flat look. “Wasn’t planning on it,” he says dryly, clearly bothered by Nayeon’s interruption.

Nayeon shrugs and you’re a little bit confused as to why she’s suddenly acting with this edge of hostility towards Mingyu. (Last you checked, their families were friends, and Nayeon was one of the only girls here who didn’t truly dislike him.)

“Wouldn’t count on it, you know, given what happened the last time,” Nayeon bites back, and this time you’re the one to be slightly irritated.

You shrug her off your back, saying, “Nayeon, don’t worry, I’m not gonna smoke or anything—trust me.” You think thoughtfully, glancing between her and Mingyu who has an indecipherable look on his face, and then you add, “And Mingyu wouldn’t anyways. I already told him I’m driving home. Why don’t you go hang out with Sakura? Looks like she’s calling you over.”

“Really?” Nayeon squeals, and just as quickly as she showed up, she’s gone again.

You chuckle as she hurries off, turning back to Mingyu. “Sorry about that,” you tell him sheepishly when you catch the way his lips are pursed tightly.

“Your friends will never let that up, huh?” he says, and you think he almost sounds annoyed as he takes a sip of his drink.

You raise a brow. “Have your friends let it up? Probably not, huh?” you bite back, a little mischievously. You’re both teetering around the topic—not exactly talking about what happened that night years ago, but at the same time, you’re both definitely talking about just exactly that.

Mingyu chuckles. “Touche.”

You’re unsure of what to say next. You can’t quite tell where this conversation is headed—if it’ll lead you to another dead end—another few years of shoving your lust for Mingyu to the back of your mind before he pops up again and makes you start all over again. There’s always going to be a little spark though, kindling somewhere inside you, ready to plunge yourself into this man you hardly know.

“Senior year was kinda crazy, wasn’t it?” you say with a sly smile.

When Mingyu mirrors the look on your face, you swear you feel the spark turn into a small flame. “Yeah, you could put it like that.”

You’re surely not intoxicated, but when you sense him shuffling a little closer to you, running his hands through his thick dark hair, a wave of boldness courses through you. “Do you miss it?” you ask, almost innocently, with your big pretty eyes staring up at him.

Mingyu smirks. “I probably should say no … but that would be lying. And I am no longer a liar.”

“Oh, has the Kim Mingyu retired from his title of pathological liar?”

Mingyu laughs this time, and it’s hearty. “I have, but just for tonight.”

“Does that mean I’m never going to see this truthful, honest version of yourself again?” you whine with a fake pout. You’re treading unfamiliar waters here, but you can’t remember the last time you had this much fun single.

Mingyu gives you a warning look, but then smiles. He opens his mouth, ready to respond, when Joshua calls out his name.

“Yo Mingyu! Check this out!” he yells from across the bar.

“Give me a second,” Mingyu calls back, but just as he’s about to turn back to you, Wonwoo speaks up.

“Nah Mingyu, you gotta come over now. Soonyoung’s doing this weird ass thing and—hurry up! He’s not gonna do it again and—” You hear a series of unintelligible shouts come from that area, and Mingyu gives an apologetic look before tending to his friends.

There’s something in his eyes that told you, this isn’t finished yet, but before you know it your friends scoop you up from the table area and pull you over to where they’re playing pool. Soon, any hopes you had of talking to Mingyu again were slim to none, both of you two involved with whatever your friends were doing, but also conscious about how it would look if you guys talked alone for any longer.

You can’t handle the speculation.

You’re pretty confident Mingyu wouldn’t be a fan either.

Later that night, you drop Nayeon off at her house, and then make your way back to your own home. After doing your nightly routine, you slip into the soft covers of your bed when you hear a soft buzz come from your phone.

You’re not exactly sure who’d be texting you at this hour, but as you reach for your device, something in your stomach just knows.

You’re smiling before you even tap your screen.

You’re grinning by the time you see the name pop up brightly.

mingyu: my fault for not responding earlier mingyu: so boba tomorrow at 8?

“Can’t remember the last time I had boba past 6 pm, to be honest. Weird choice,” you remark, tapping on the kiosk to adjust your order to your liking.

“You gonna be sassy about every decision I make?” Mingyu huffs, standing right by you in the empty little boba shop. You hum, as you continue to finalize your order.

“Mm, that depends.”

“On?”

“On what kinda decisions you make.”

Mingyu scoffs. “You’re impossible.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda my thing, you know?” you reply cheekily, clicking on the ‘Ready to Pay’ option on the screen. Just as you’re about to pull out your card, a firm hand is on your shoulder. You look up at Mingyu as he gently pushes you to the side and replaces your spot in front of the kiosk.

You don’t say anything as he punches in his own order, pulls out his credit card, and pays for both of your drinks. As the machine outputs the receipt, you show him a small smile. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Mingyu gives you a look. “Yeah, I did.” There’s a bit of an awkward silence. Mingyu paying for your drink isn’t too weird—your guy friends in college buy you food all the time! Albeit you do occasionally return the favor, it never feels anything more than platonic.

So why does it give you butterflies when Mingyu so casually puts you under his tab?

You choose not to care. You’re not expecting anything out of this, after all. This is just for all good fun—reminiscing, if you wanted to put it like that.

“What’d you get?” you ask him, breaking the silence, as you peer over his arm to glance at the receipt. The action has your cheek brushing against his shoulder, and something tells you the both of you are thinking about it just as much as the other.

“Passionfruit green tea,” he says, holding the receipt closer to you so you can read it more clearly.

“Mmm, yummy,” you say gleefully, giving Mingyu a cheeky smile.

“Hey,” he scoffs. “I didn’t say I’d let you try my drink! Don’t get ahead of yourself now,” he teases.

You pout and furrow your eyebrows. “What the hell, Mingyu? Why not?” you cry out overdramatically. “Oh come on, I was gonna share my toffee caramel tea with you!”

Mingyu rolls his eyes playfully. “I don’t like toffee.”

“I didn’t know that! I would have ordered something else then.”

“Too bad you didn’t,” Mingyu replies with a carefree shrug.

You glare at him, stomach fluttering with something youthful—you’re having fun with Mingyu. “That’s not fair!” you whine.

“Must suck,” he says indifferently, watching you cross your arms over your chest from the corner of his vision. Something sparks inside Mingyu in the moment, watching you look up at him through your thick lashes. “Maybe I can give you a sip or two …”

Your eyes glow. “Really?”

Mingyu grins. “Yeah, but you’re going to have to repay me.”

Your eyes meet, and there’s something electric in the way you look at each other. The thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn’t be doing. That what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

But Mingyu’s eyes are glimmering, and there’s something in your stomach that is yelling at you to stop thinking so damn much and slam on the accelerator. You beam up at him with a challenging gaze.

“How do you want me to do that?”

An hour later you’re in Mingyu’s room, stumbling through his door with your hands already all over each other. His lips are soft against yours, peppering short but hot kisses all over you, your face, your neck and—god, fuck, how does he know about that one spot on your neck?

“Ah, Mingyu,” you moan quietly when his hands palm at your hip, fingers sliding under your shirt and brushing over your skin. His hands are warm, but still you shiver at the touch—just knowing it’s Mingyu and you, alone in this moment, is enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Well, that, and the way he’s got his tongue tracing over your collarbone. He’s too good at this, you think to yourself for a moment, before getting lost in the feeling. Soon, he brings his lips back to yours, and you kiss fervently as you stumble backwards into his bed.

With the back of your knees hitting the mattress, you both go tumbling onto the sheets, and suddenly everything feels all too familiar. Mingyu’s hands in your hair. Your lips glossy and swollen as you start to press kisses into his neck. The growing heat between the two of you.

You and Mingyu twist around in the sheets for a blissful moment, clothes and hair going awry as your limbs intertwine in this hot, messy mess of a hook-up. At some point, Mingyu ends up underneath you, back propped up against the mattress so that he’s sitting up straight, your legs straddling him as you nestle in his lap.

With your hands all over each other, he’s got his grip on your hips, pushing them up and forward in a curved motion that has you grinding against him. “Fuck,” you whimper when you feel his painfully hard length brush against your throbbing heat.

Your tummy tumbles at the prospects of what’s to come. Pulling back from Mingyu’s hot lips, you get to see him in a way you never thought you’d get to again—cheeks flushed, eyes fluttered shutted, and swollen lips partially open and panting for breath. His dark wisps of hair come down over his forehead, sticking to the thin layer of sweat that coats his tan skin.

Slowly Mingyu begins to open high eyes, laughing lightly. The sound makes you want to grin into eternity. Gently, he cups your face and pulls you in for a kiss, this one much softer, much lighter than the ones before.

Mingyu kisses you with what—dare you say it—care. He kisses you with care, he holds your chin as if it were made of glass, he brushes his tongue against yours in a way that tells you he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here and—

The thoughts have you reeling. Has being sexless for the past few months made you this vulnerable? you think to yourself in a passing moment; has the lack of male physical contact been this detrimental to your ability to have sex without feelings?

The moment passes, and you choose to push your thoughts to the back of your mind, pushing your lips harder into Mingyu’s to fuel a more fiery, more aggressive kiss. He groans into it, and the burning heat you feel every time you grind down on it makes it impossible for you to wait longer.

Slowly, you pull away from him and scoot down the bed between his legs. For a moment, Mingyu is still in a daze, eyes half open as he still imagines the feeling of his lips on yours. You inch down further, bringing your hands closer and closer to the waistband of his jeans.

Right as your fingers brush over the little bit of skin that peeks between his shirt and his belt, Mingyu lets out a soft gasp. Looking up at him, you’re met with the sight of his blown out eyes as he reaches down to hold your face again.

“I-I know I said you gotta repay me, but you know, you don’t really have to—not like this at least. I mean you can, but not if you don—” Mingyu rambles for a moment, and you almost want to use that god-forsaken word. Cute.

“Hey,” you say quietly, pressing your index finger to his lip. “Lemme do this—I want to.” You feel him relax under you, the finger that was on his lips slowly tracing down his jaw and then his neck, inching to his collar and—

Oh, he’s already gotten started on unbuttoning his shirt. You almost forget to get back at it, with the way you’re staring him down right now. Mingyu chuckles a little, watching the way your eyes dilate as you gaze over him.

“Like what you see?” He says it in a way like he knows what he’s doing to you. Like he knows you’ve got a puddle between the crest of your thighs.

You’re not shameful enough to stop yourself from grinning and nodding, “I do.”

Mingyu’s eyes flame with that hunger you’ve seen before. He likes the way you’re doing this. “You’re the fuckin’ devil aren’t you?” he coos, as you start to unbuckle his belt, pulling down the waistband of his pants. He lifts his hips as you pull them further down, patiently waiting for your response.

“The devil … you must think red suits me then,” you say it like a question. The way you smile tells Mingyu you’ve got something hidden up your sleeve. While he shrugs off his unbuttoned shirt, you sit nestled between his legs still fully clothed.

Mingyu watches you as you tug at the hem of your shirt before gently pulling it over your head, revealing a deep red lacy bra underneath.

“Speak of the devil herself,” Mingyu breathes out with a small smile, continuing to watch as you shimmy off your bottoms and reveal matching red panties. You admit: it’s doing a lot for a first boba date, but you can’t help but think it fits the scene perfectly.

Mingyu leans forward, pressing kissing on the bare skin of your chest as you play with the waistband of his briefs before finally pushing them down to reveal his length. Looking down, it’s long and it’s pretty and it’s thick, with veins pushing up against the sides.

With a soft gasp, you pull away from Mingyu and slowly settle yourself lower in the bed so that you’re laying stomach side down right in between his legs. Mingyu watches you from his view above; he watches the ways your eyes slowly gaze over his dick, fingers inching toward it before finally wrapping around the base.

He nearly gasps when you do—and Kim Mingyu is no virgin—but something about the warmth in your fingertips and the softness in your touch has him feeling electric. So when you bring your tongue to his shiny tip and lap, he straight up moans.

The sound alone has you opening your mouth wider, taking him fully into your mouth and down. Immediately, Mingyu’s hands shoot to your head, scooping up bundles of your hair and holding it behind your head. Slowly, you find yourself in a pattern of moving your head up and down, except there’s just one problem.

Mingyu is far too big and he’s far too gentle—you can’t fit enough of him in your mouth and he’s not exactly pushing you down so you think it’s time to take some action.

So as gently as you can, you begin to hollow out your cheeks and push yourself further down his length, eyes shutting when he hits the back of your throat. At once, you hear a loud groan and if you could move your lips right now, you’d be grinning.

And so you do it again. You pull your head back up and just as your lips are about to leave his tip you come back down and push as far as you can go, each time going a bit further down than the last. You do it a few more times before your jaw begins to ache for a break, and you pull yourself off of him completely.

You’re met with Mingyu’s dazed eyes as you look up. “You’re crazy,” he pants, fingers still tangled in your hair. “Holy fuck, you’re crazy.”

You grin up at him. “Sorry,” you say cheekily, watching as he throws his head back, taking deep breaths of air. His firm chest rises up and down heavily, and the heat between your legs grows at the realization that you’re the one to have him like this.

“Don’t apologize—shit—that was so—d-do that again,” he says, eyes darkening when he looks back down at you. His hands gingerly wipe some tears from your cheeks, going back up to hold your hair all the way back again. “That was so fucking hot.”

Your stomach churns as you part your lips again, wrapping them around his tip which now adorns a pretty stream of pre. He groans again when you envelop him in your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks as you start to move down again.

To be honest, you’re not usually this good at giving head, but with Mingyu, he’s got this—oh, there it is—the way your name rolls of his lips in a deep, guttural tone that has you gushing in your panties, and then you can’t help but press down more.

So you do it again, and again, until Mingyu’s practically thrusting his hips up as you take him into your mouth, his handsome face glistening with sweat from restraining himself. You don’t know how much time goes by but at some point you feel a tug; you look up and it’s Mingyu’s hands guiding your head off of him and pulling you into his mouth.

He kisses you messily, tongues licking into each others’ mouths as you shift so that you’re back at straddling him. With Mingyu fully naked, your bare stomach presses against his skin when his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around Mingyu’s neck as you continue to kiss into him, bodies melting into one. You ease back to your previous movement of grinding into him, but with such little fabric between the two of you this time, it’s getting harder and harder to wait.

It doesn’t take long for his hand to make its way to your panties, rubbing your heat over the soaked fabric for a moment before lifting it and pushing it to the side.

Mingyu pulls away now, watching your face slowly contort into expressions of pleasure as he runs his fingers up and down between your sopping hole and clit.

“Mingyu,” you manage to whimper through heavy breaths.

“Yeah baby?” The nickname itself nearly has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He probably doesn’t have a clue about what he does to you.

“Can’t wait,” you tell him quickly, hands already grabbing for his glistening length. Mingyu, a little startled by your forwardness, falters back into the headboard a bit, relaxing for hardly a second before he feels your fingers guiding his dick toward your hole.

He thought he’d sit there and finger you first—give you a good eating out because if anything, Mingyu’s always really wanted a taste of you first—but something about the way you look at him with these eyes that look like you’d give him the world and more has him bending to your needy wishes/

So, when his tip is finally at your entrance, you both moan loudly. Your fingers make your way up to Mingyu’s neck, playing with the soft and short hairs that sit at the nape of his neck. “Oh,” you say in a sigh when his hips gently push you down to envelope his tip.

Even having him in your mouth couldn’t prepare you for taking Mingyu’s length inside of you. His tip, thick and bulbous, presses into you, and inch by inch you begin to let out small gasps.

“You’re—holy shit, you’re so big, M’ngyu,” you whimper.

You say it so cutely, Mingyu can’t help but groan under his breath. “Yeah?” he manages out, trying to hide the extent to which you’ve got him in a daze. “Can’t take it?” he coos.

Mingyu is, at the very least, extremely pleased when you—you, in your lustful, hazy state—still manage to cock an eyebrow at him and retort, “Of course I can.”

“Atta girl,” Mingyu murmurs, smiling with pride as he reaches for hips. Lowering your body over his dick, he watches you carefully while you continue to take him all in.

The way your chest heaves up and down in short breaths as you try to control yourself. The way your eyebrows pinch together every few seconds when you let out a small moan. The way your stomach twitches and turns when he brushes a finger over your clit.

You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful to Mingyu, he doesn’t think anyone can comprehend all the ways he wants to fuck you right now. Well, that is, anyone but you, because as soon as your bottom is pressed against Mingyu’s legs and you’ve gone as far down as you can go, you bring yourself back up and grind back down on his dick.

“Fuck, do that again,” Mingyu demands, but it comes out as nothing more than a pleading gasp as you both get used to the feeling of each other—it’s overwhelming, yet in the best way possible. “You’re so damn hot,” he murmurs when you repeat the motion, pressing wet kisses into your neck.

Each roll of your hips is punctuated with a quiet moan from your lips, the two of your lips meeting every few moments in a fiery but fleeting kiss. Mingyu fills you up so deeply, in a way that leaves you wanting more and more.

Your body is on fire and you can’t seem to stop now. It’s just—Mingyu’s got his dick pressing all the spots inside of you that have you biting down on your bottom lip, that have you digging your fingers into the hard muscle of his shoulder, that have you moaning into his mouth.

But even your own body has limits, because while the feeling of you bouncing back down on his length every time is nothing short of euphoric, your legs only have so much strength. Gradually, your legs begin to get sore.

Within seconds Mingyu notices the falter in your movements, and suddenly his hands are under your thighs, picking you up, and flipping you onto your back. Your back is now against the mattress, head resting on a soft pillow as Mingyu readjusts above you.

“Getting tired?” Mingyu chuckles, as he reaches down for his dick, aligning it at your entrance once more. A needy whine escapes your throat when he finally is inside of you again, his length filling up what felt far too empty in those passing moments before.

“Didn’t—ah! D-Didn’t take you as the type to make the girl do a-all the work,” you bite back.

Mingyu cocks his eyebrow at you, and you almost want to grin at the way his eyes darken at your challenging comment. “You got a bad bad mouth, huh? Let’s see if you can talk much anymore soon.” You open your mouth to respond, but at the last moment, Mingyu pushes that last bit of his length inside of you, effectively rendering you speechless as you see stars and try to quiet the rush in your ears. Mingyu just laughs. “Didn’t think so.”

He pauses for a few seconds inside of you, and you take this chance to admire him in a way you didn’t get to before. His skin is flushed all over, pink blooming over his cheeks as he swipes a tongue over his lips. As your gaze travels down, you catch sight of his abs once again, and you can’t help but grin at just the idea of getting to see him like this.

Now, Mingyu starts out with his first thrust. It’s deep, and unforgiving might you add. You shriek loudly, not expecting to fill you up even more than before, yet somehow it’s both equally overwhelming and infinitely more euphoric.

Based on the volume of your response to the first, he follows with another thrust, this one nearly as moving. Your responses mimic the last, and soon, Mingyu enjoys the pleasure of seeing you become a moaning mess beneath him.

So there Mingyu is, fucking the daylights out of you, one his palm cupping your cheek. And now here he goes, jotting his thumb out and pushing against your lips. It doesn’t even take a second for you to part your lips, his thumb slipping inside.

“Good fucking girl,” he grunts under his breath where you roll your tongue over the pad of his finger tip. Faintly, Mingyu recalls the way you swiped your tongue over his dick and there he goes with a particularly hard thrust at the thought.

Your legs are folded up completely, thighs pressing into your chest deeply every time Mingyu pounds into you. A moan stifles up one after another, muffled by his thumb in your mouth, but somehow not getting any quieter.

It’s around this point when Mingyu starts to feel it, the way you squirm a bit more after each deep, pointed thrust. The way your mouth starts to widen more and more, moans getting louder by the moment. The way you’re tightening around him—and there goes his queue.

His thumb in your mouth is pulled out and quickly moved down your stomach between your legs and right on your clit. That’s when you move from moaning to downright whimpering—whining—into Mingyu’s shoulders.

Your toes begin to tighten as he continues to slam into you, every muscle in your body beginning to go limp as you rake your fingers into his back, trying to hold on to something to ground you.

“I know baby,” Mingyu moans, his hands holding onto your hips with such a tightness you know you’ll be left with bruises.

“I’m s’close,” you manage to gasp out, hips meekly pushing up as well to meet Mingyu’s half way. You’re trying your best to keep to it together but fuck, it all feels so good—his skin is so hot but somehow your core feels even hotter.

You feel tears of pleasure roll down your cheeks when you finally feel it—Mingyu’s length so deep inside of you, pressing up against your walls in all the right places—and so you crash.

Moaning and whimpering and writhing beneath him, you cry out when you finish, “Mingyu, fuck! I’m—’m coming.”

To which Mingyu gently kisses your neck while roughly pounding into you harder, now trying to meet his own end in deep fervor. “I know baby, I know jus’—fuck,” he nearly cuts himself off with his own moan when he feels your tight pussy squeeze around him. “Just’ hold on for me a little longer s—oh.”

You’ve got some spell on him. That’s got to be it. A damn spell has got to be the reason Mingyu’s finding himself way quicker than he’s ever before.

You’re brain is a bit too fucked to register the beautiful mix of shock and pleasure that crosses over Mingyu’s face when he begins to paint your soft walls white. “Fuck,” Mingyu groans loudly, pressing his dick so deep into you that you think you’d be able to feel it through your belly.

You squeal softly at the feeling—your pussy is now a hot, sopping, sensitive mess, and Mingyu’s cock is just far too long and far too fat for you to handle. However, the feeling of his seed fill you up has a warmth that overtakes the slight feeling of discomfort.

The air in his room begins to grow quiet and still as Mingyu finally slips his softening length out of you. You still lay with your back against the sheets, Mingyu pulling himself off without a word and flopping down on the bed next to you.

This silence is new.

It’s not uncomfortable, but there still seems to be some unspoken words that fill the space between you and Mingyu. Only the sound of your heavy breaths fills the room, the erratic patterns steadily starting to even out.

“Was that enough repayment for you?” you finally ask casually, breaking the silence. Mingyu chuckles softly.

“It was … pretty nice, I guess,” he responds, pushing himself up into a sitting position to fix the covers more comfortably over the both of you.

You narrow your eyebrows up at him. “Pretty nice? I’m gonna kill you!”

This time Mingyu laughs. “What do you want me to say? Yeah, it was fucking amazing?”

You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. “Well, would that be the truth?” you challenge him, a smirk making its way onto your lips.

“Of course it would be,” Mingyu scoffs—something about his shameless admission of praise has your cheeks burning and eyes lighting up. “But if I say that, then it means you’ve fully repaid me, and that means that we don’t have to do this again.”

“Ah I get it, so you’re lying to me so you can fuck me again,” you reply. Mingyu rolls his eyes at you.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he pauses, and looks like he’s contemplating something before continuing. “But I mean, you can totally say no. Because with the way you’re talking, it seems like you aren’t interested so why don’t I save you the pain of having to reject me and—” As he turns away to grab something from his night stand, you cut him off.

“Hey, I didn’t say that!” you exclaim once you catch where he’s going. You say it so brazenly it startles Mingyu a little, and he turns around to face you.

Your eyes meet and oh—there it is again. That feeling in your stomach, a warm knot that tumbles around. You’re not sure what it means. You’re not sure what this means—this being you laying in Mingyu’s bed.

Something in the way Mingyu looks at you tells you you’re not going to have an answer for a while.

Something in the way Mingyu smiles at you tells you that you’re at least going to have some fun trying to find out.

a/n: hopeeeee u guys liked it! btw reader is a self insert so if u don't like her GET AWWWT. anywho i was rly nervous about posting this but here we go ... wait can u guys believe it took me literally 3 months to write this smut. i had the entire fic + more follow up stuff but all i had to write was this chunk of smut in the middle and i didn't do it literally just because i didn't want to. i don't like writing smut in full lenth fics anymore (ramble time. pls ignore me) because i have to write the entire scene. like i enjoy smut drabbles because it's fun i get to experiment but unless it's a full length fic related to a sex relate concept then it's fun (aka crybaby). i personally don't really enjoy most of the other smuts i write for things like this fic + flight of the stars, etc, because it's just the same kind of smut scene rewritten in different ways. i feel i'm not even doing it in different ways atp—I FEEL I AM LITERALLY WRITING THE SAME SCENES I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE. how many different ways can one write "oh my god that feels so good" like sorry. okay i'm done with my rant and for clarity i actually do not care this much. i just think it's funny but i get it because i like little smuts like this when i read it's just a pain to write because at some point it's hard to get creative and i feel like i'm being a lazy writer :/ i write all this and complain and blah blah but i do really enjoy it like OK yeah i spent 3 months writing this smut but it ended up being way longer than i anticipated so ummm whose fault is that?! (everyone look away from tumblr user toruru) ok sorry if u stayed til the end of this author's note actually please let me know and i will be sending u virtual kisses. anywhp pls feel free to leave comments/reblogs they mean the absolute world to me

[toruro]

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— ✧ guilty as sin

pairing: mingyu x reader

genre: smut (18+ / mdni), non-idol au, open ending ... (pt 2 perhaps?)

word count: 8k

description: the thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn't be doing. that what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

warnings: alcohol & (mentions of) marijuana consumption

tags: mingyu and reader went to same high school, y/n and mingyu both are freshly out of relationships, blowjobs, sex, dirty talk, idk they banter a lot i think theyre cute so believe me

a/n: so this is a fun little piece ... i do have a plot outline for a part 2 and 3 but totally depends on if u guys want to see more of them ... anyways i know i have been mia with my writing but i really like this piece so i hope u all enjoy >_<

“He’s single.”

You ignore Nayeon’s statement, pretending to scroll through a cafe’s website on your phone.

“He’s single,” she repeated, clearing her throat for a moment before. She’s unsure if you heard her.

Still no response. You try bopping your head to music, hoping Nayeon will think you’re extremely engrossed in the faint music from the radio.

She doesn’t.

“Mingyu’s single, damnit!” Nayeon yells out this time, and you obviously are caught off guard by the way you nearly jump out of your seat.

You crane your neck at her and frown. “I know Mingyu’s single! I know he’s single, Nayeon, but that doesn’t explain why he never replied to my message!” you cry out, throwing your hands in the air. “If anything, this makes things worse—that means he’s available and plain doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Nayeon shakes her head at you, turning her eyes back to the road. “That’s not true. I heard he only broke up with his ex recently. Maybe he’s just taking a break from … well, you know: other girls. I think that’s fair.” You don’t say anything, but you know she’s right. “And I think …” Nayeon follows, while you mentally prepare for what you know she’ll say, “I think you should learn to do that too.”

“Nayeon!” you whine.

“What? You also just broke up with Taehyun—there should be a waiting period, don’t you think? At least like—four months.”

“Four months?!” you screech. It’s a passing thought that she’s right. Deep down, you know that space is just what you need—a vacation from boys—all of them.

“Yes, four months. Seriously, do you think you’re even emotionally over Taehyun?”

You frown at her question, because you both know the answer to that. For god’s sake, you’d called her crying over how you fucked up by breaking up with him. “I mean—”

“You know, I don’t even think four months would be long enough for you. You’re so far gone, I think you might need at least a year before you can emotionally commit to someone.”

“Wow,” you say dryly. “Didn’t know you knew me better than myself.”

Nayeon smirks at you. “I mean, I think we both know that’s true.”

You huff, crossing your arms over your shoulder, looking at the window. Even with her rather annoying (albeit correct) analysis of your feelings, you’re grateful for her emotional support, and her offer to pick you up from the airport.

“How have you and Cheol been,” you ask her a few moments later, hopefully diverting the conversation. Nayeon huffs at your persistence on not talking about this, but she finally lets up.

“We’ve been good. Long distance has been easier than we expected,” she replies honestly.

“That’s good, I’m glad,” you say, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs just a little. It’s unfortunate that you and Taehyun weren’t so lucky. You two lasted ten months of long distance before things began to crumble.

You push the thought of you and Taehyun to the back of your mind. Just even hearing his name is enough for your stomach to turning into ugly knots, memories flooding back to you about just how badly you fucked up.

You try to remind yourself that mistakes happen to be learned from.

You can only hope that you don’t let anything like that happen again. Ever again.

It’s the next night when Nayeon climbs into your car as you park out in front of her place. “Coming home for break never really gets old, huh,” she says, buckling up over her lacy top.

“Cute top,” you compliment as you pull out of her driveway and make your way back onto the road.

“Thanks. Cheol got it for me,” she replies with a grin. “You ready for the night?” she asks with a slightly sarcastic laugh.

“Rhetorical question?” you shoot back with a raised brow. “Honestly, I’m not sure. It might be nice to see everyone together again, but also I’m glad that we left a lot of those people in the past.”

“Ooh, what do you mean by that?” Nayeon coos, and you both laugh together.

“As if you don’t know what I mean. I can’t imagine you’re exactly looking forward to seeing Renjun again.”

Nayeon grimaces deeply when you say that. “Why would you say that?” she whines. “Just had to go and remind me about him …”

“Nayeon, I love you but I’m not apologizing because you’re literally going to see him in ten minutes.”

“Whatever. Anyways, I know I told you to take time away from guys, but you’ve been pretty mopey about this whole thing with Taehyun and—”

“Hey! You said it was okay if I talked about him.”

“Before you rudely cut me off,” Nayeon snaps, “I was going to say that it’s okay to be upset about him. I just think maybe it’s also okay to let him out of your system, y’know? Deep clean sorta thing.”

You cock an eyebrow at her. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Well I was getting to that! You know who’s going to be there tonight?” she says excitedly.

“Oh let me guess,” you say flatly, pausing for an intentional five seconds before deadpanning, “oh my gosh, Mingyu?”

“Yeah! Come on, be more excited about it!” Nayeon cheers you on.

You sigh dramatically. “You know, I would be a lot more excited about seeing him if he didn’t air me when I messaged him a month ago.” You physically cringe whenever the image of your lone message in the chat with Mingyu pops into your head.

are you going to be home for the break?

He never responded, casually on brand for Mingyu and his nonchalance.

“The others haven’t talked to him since high school right?” you confirm with Nayeon. “None of you guys were really friends with him, if I remember correctly.”

“Yeah, I mean all of them don’t like him,” Nayeon says, referring to her other group of friends. You furrow your eyebrows.

“I guess he was kinda mean in high school …” you reply with a sigh. It’s true. Mingyu was kinda mean. Nayeon gives you a questionable look.

“No—well yeah—but they all don’t like him because they liked him and he didn’t give a shit. Hell, even I thought Mingyu was cute, but he would like never do anything with any of us.”

You purse your lips. You didn’t know that. “Oh really,” you say dryly.

“Yeah,” Nayeon says with a half laugh, and then shoots you a smirk. “That’s kinda why at the beginning of senior year Seoyeon was kinda, well, you know—”

“Bitchy,” you finished off for her. “I guess it makes sense,” you continue with a little sparkle in your eyes. You feel a wave of giddiness wash over you as you let yourself smile when you say, “I mean, I did get to kiss him.”

When you were with Taehyun, you always tried to avoid thinking about what happened that one night in senior year. Drunk for the first time ever, sharing a few puffs of weed with Mingyu, and there you and him were, cuddling on Nayeon’s friend’s couch in the living room in front of all of your friends. And then eventually the couch turned into a bed, and you weren’t surrounded by your friends, you were surrounded by four walls and a locked door, and of course you weren’t cuddling—damn it—you were on Mingyu’s lap and kissing him.

But of course, it was no perfect evening, because then the ruckus that follows 10 shots of alcohol began to crawl up your throat, and Nayeon was banging on the door (god, who’s room even was this?); so you flung yourself out of the room and hurled into the toilet across the hall.

That’s all you remember from the night, but unfortunately your friends reminded you of your rather poor alcohol decisions when you were sober the next morning.

“You kissed Mingyu!” they had said. “That’s fucking crazy. Didn’t you like him like two years ago?”

You had grimaced at them. Shrugged, trying to act like that wasn’t all that was running through your head because yeah, you did like Mingyu two years ago and it might’ve been a silly little hallway crush but god, if he didn’t have your stomach doing twists and turns for no damn reason and—

Eyes on the road, you remind yourself when you feel like you’re getting too caught up in your thoughts. Clearing your mind as you near the parking lot of the bar, you and Nayeon chat up on the latest gossip about all the people you’re about to see.

Soon, you make it into the bar, and you’re met with a myriad of familiar faces. They greet you with polite small talk and it’s a little bit funny. You have seen these people at quite possibly the most embarrassing era of their lives; and they had seen you at yours. It’s funny how you now exchange awkward smiles and unfamiliar handshakes with these same people.

You say hi to them slowly, one by one, checking them off in your head. Renjun … Joshua … Wonwoo … Seungkwan … Soonyoung … and the list goes on. Silently, you brace yourself for the last person of the lot.

Everyone’s conversing among themselves, so you’re confident that no one’s going to watch the horribly awkward interaction you and Mingyu have when your eyes meet as you approach him. You both might have agreed to pretend nothing ever happened between you two, but there’s something uneasy in the air right now. You haven’t seen each other in over a year.

You’ve been watching him from the corner of your vision. He’s got on a black button up, casually unbuttoned, shiny watch glinting against the dim bar lights, dark wash jeans that make his butt look really nice and—

God, you need to stop getting so ahead of yourself. You find yourself almost faltering in your step, getting caught up in your thoughts when you approach him.

“Hi,” you say to Mingyu once you finally find yourself in front of him. You try and distract yourself from the way heat is rushing to your face as you remember that he’s probably read the message you sent him, but you hope he won’t bring it up.

“Long time no see,” Mingyu responds with a smile you can’t quite read. You two stand in a bit of an awkward silence before you get the feeling that you don’t really want to be in this situation anymore. You clear your throat and straighten your back upon the realization.

“Well,” you say, letting your eyes wander elsewhere in the bar. “It was nice seeing you. I’m gonna just—” you point at Nayeon with a few of your other friends by the barstools, “—get going, you know, and—” you almost find yourself rambling before you choose to shut yourself up and walk away.

As you’re turning away, you hear Mingyu call your name for god knows what reason.

“We should catch up,” he says casually.

There it is. That’s it.

You turn back to him for just a moment, flashing a smile and a nod, before going back to spend some time with your other friends.

It’s about an hour and a half later, and you and your girl friends are past the pleasantries and now knee-deep into sharing the raunchy details of the past few semesters at college.

At some point, the drinks everyone had gotten at the beginning seemed to be running dry, so Seoyeon says, “Hey ladies, anyone ready for another few rounds of drinks, or—”

“Or even better!” Sakura squeals. “Shots! Who wants shots?!”

All of your friends cheer, and you smile along with them. “You guys go ahead,” you tell them when they start picking their stuff from where you’re seated to the bar area. “I’m driving tonight, so I’ll pass,” you explain, patting Nayeon on the shoulder.

She hugs you from the side, murmuring, “Ugh, you’re the best,” before joining the others as they head for their new round of drinks—or shots, was it—or maybe both—who knows? As they start walking away, you see a tall figure walking toward you, and once you recognize just who it’s about to be, your stomach does a flip.

“Hey,” Mingyu greets you once again, after the others all leave, and you’re scared to look him in the eye. You can see it from the corner of your vision: that gleam in his eyes. It’s mischievous, almost, but mixed with something else you can’t quite figure out.

He’s an enigma, you remind yourself again, and you don’t think you’ll ever quite figure him out.

“Hey,” you say softly, unsure what to follow with. You grip your mocktail from earlier a little tighter, using your other hand to stir it round with the thin straw.

“So, how’ve you been?” Mingyu asks you with a smile, raising both his eyebrows in a way that almost makes you want to call him cute. He leans against a wall beside you both, and gosh—it’s sexy too, and it’s driving you ‘cause he’s cute and he’s sexy at the same damn time, and you just can’t wrap your mi—

The question. You need to answer his question.

“I’ve been … alright,” you tell him, finally lifting your gaze to look up at his eyes. They’re staring right back at you, and you may not be under the influence, but you’re definitely under his. “Pretty good, recently actually,” you decide to add, some rush of excitement flooding over you. “You?”

Mingyu smiles at your near chirpiness, still holding eye contact. “Guess I could say the same. I’ve been better,” he says, and you both chuckle. “But I’ve been doing good, especially back here at home,” he says.

“Yeah,” you agree, “Something about this place, huh?”

“Something about this place …” Mingyu repeats, “Yeah. Well that’s fuckin’ true. It makes me feel a certain way.”

“Brings back the memories for me,” you say.

“The good?” Mingyu asks with a bit of an open-mouthed smile. “Or the bad?”

You look up at the ceiling, holding a finger to your chin while pretending to think intensely. “Both!” you conclude after a few seconds. Mingyu lets out a small laugh at your display, and then you find yourself thinking about that stupid four letter word. Cute.

“Cheers to that,” he chuckles, holding his bottle of beer up to you. You hold your mocktail glass up as well, clicking the glass with Mingyu and smiling together.

“Hey,” he continues, “can I get you another drink? Not sure how long you’ve been holding onto that one, but it seems like it’s no good now anyways.”

“Oh, no, no, no! I’m not drinking tonight—gotta get Nayeon and myself home safely. This is so I still look like I’m having a drink. Mocktail,” you tell him.

“Oh really? That’s funny. I never took you as a DD kinda girl—I’m much more familiar with the version of you that … well, you know.”

Yeah, yeah you did fucking know.

“What can I say, I’m a changed woman,” you claim coolly, aiming to act unbothered by what he just brought up. You take this as your chance to lean into him a little closer, holding your drink up to his nose. “What? Don’t believe me? Smell it.”

This time, Mingyu leans in even closer to you, hardly a foot of space between you two. You can only hope no one sees you two like this. Luckily for you and Mingyu, everyone seems to be a bit preoccupied with their own shenanigans elsewhere.

“Guess I believe you,” he finally concludes, lifting his head back up and settling back in his previous position. “So how’s school? Heard you’re running with that—what is it—math degree?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a smile. The thought of Mingyu hearing about you and remembering the details has you feeling some kind of way. “Got a few more courses left and then I can graduate! I’m assuming the same for you—only two more semesters, yeah?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I might go abroad this next semester actually,” he tells you.

“Oh really. Where’re you headed?”

“Spain, hopefully. Still waiting to see if I’ll be able to graduate on time if I go.”

“Wow,” you say in a breath. The image of Mingyu walking the roads of Spain under the sun, his tan skin glowing from the— “Wow, yeah. Spain is really cool. I’ve never been.”

“You should stop by,” Mingyu says with a shrug, almost too casually. You narrow your eyebrows at him.

Just as you’re about to respond, Nayeon drapes herself over you from behind, a little more than tipsy to add. You’re a bit startled, eyes wide and facing Mingyu as you both take a few steps, backing away from each other.

“Hey,” Nayeon greets with a faint slur, pointing a lazy finger at Mingyu. “This,” she says exaggeratedly, this time moving her finger to point at you, “is my lovely DD for the night, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t take her out for a puff.”

Mingyu gives her a flat look. “Wasn’t planning on it,” he says dryly, clearly bothered by Nayeon’s interruption.

Nayeon shrugs and you’re a little bit confused as to why she’s suddenly acting with this edge of hostility towards Mingyu. (Last you checked, their families were friends, and Nayeon was one of the only girls here who didn’t truly dislike him.)

“Wouldn’t count on it, you know, given what happened the last time,” Nayeon bites back, and this time you’re the one to be slightly irritated.

You shrug her off your back, saying, “Nayeon, don’t worry, I’m not gonna smoke or anything—trust me.” You think thoughtfully, glancing between her and Mingyu who has an indecipherable look on his face, and then you add, “And Mingyu wouldn’t anyways. I already told him I’m driving home. Why don’t you go hang out with Sakura? Looks like she’s calling you over.”

“Really?” Nayeon squeals, and just as quickly as she showed up, she’s gone again.

You chuckle as she hurries off, turning back to Mingyu. “Sorry about that,” you tell him sheepishly when you catch the way his lips are pursed tightly.

“Your friends will never let that up, huh?” he says, and you think he almost sounds annoyed as he takes a sip of his drink.

You raise a brow. “Have your friends let it up? Probably not, huh?” you bite back, a little mischievously. You’re both teetering around the topic—not exactly talking about what happened that night years ago, but at the same time, you’re both definitely talking about just exactly that.

Mingyu chuckles. “Touche.”

You’re unsure of what to say next. You can’t quite tell where this conversation is headed—if it’ll lead you to another dead end—another few years of shoving your lust for Mingyu to the back of your mind before he pops up again and makes you start all over again. There’s always going to be a little spark though, kindling somewhere inside you, ready to plunge yourself into this man you hardly know.

“Senior year was kinda crazy, wasn’t it?” you say with a sly smile.

When Mingyu mirrors the look on your face, you swear you feel the spark turn into a small flame. “Yeah, you could put it like that.”

You’re surely not intoxicated, but when you sense him shuffling a little closer to you, running his hands through his thick dark hair, a wave of boldness courses through you. “Do you miss it?” you ask, almost innocently, with your big pretty eyes staring up at him.

Mingyu smirks. “I probably should say no … but that would be lying. And I am no longer a liar.”

“Oh, has the Kim Mingyu retired from his title of pathological liar?”

Mingyu laughs this time, and it’s hearty. “I have, but just for tonight.”

“Does that mean I’m never going to see this truthful, honest version of yourself again?” you whine with a fake pout. You’re treading unfamiliar waters here, but you can’t remember the last time you had this much fun single.

Mingyu gives you a warning look, but then smiles. He opens his mouth, ready to respond, when Joshua calls out his name.

“Yo Mingyu! Check this out!” he yells from across the bar.

“Give me a second,” Mingyu calls back, but just as he’s about to turn back to you, Wonwoo speaks up.

“Nah Mingyu, you gotta come over now. Soonyoung’s doing this weird ass thing and—hurry up! He’s not gonna do it again and—” You hear a series of unintelligible shouts come from that area, and Mingyu gives an apologetic look before tending to his friends.

There’s something in his eyes that told you, this isn’t finished yet, but before you know it your friends scoop you up from the table area and pull you over to where they’re playing pool. Soon, any hopes you had of talking to Mingyu again were slim to none, both of you two involved with whatever your friends were doing, but also conscious about how it would look if you guys talked alone for any longer.

You can’t handle the speculation.

You’re pretty confident Mingyu wouldn’t be a fan either.

Later that night, you drop Nayeon off at her house, and then make your way back to your own home. After doing your nightly routine, you slip into the soft covers of your bed when you hear a soft buzz come from your phone.

You’re not exactly sure who’d be texting you at this hour, but as you reach for your device, something in your stomach just knows.

You’re smiling before you even tap your screen.

You’re grinning by the time you see the name pop up brightly.

mingyu: my fault for not responding earlier mingyu: so boba tomorrow at 8?

“Can’t remember the last time I had boba past 6 pm, to be honest. Weird choice,” you remark, tapping on the kiosk to adjust your order to your liking.

“You gonna be sassy about every decision I make?” Mingyu huffs, standing right by you in the empty little boba shop. You hum, as you continue to finalize your order.

“Mm, that depends.”

“On?”

“On what kinda decisions you make.”

Mingyu scoffs. “You’re impossible.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda my thing, you know?” you reply cheekily, clicking on the ‘Ready to Pay’ option on the screen. Just as you’re about to pull out your card, a firm hand is on your shoulder. You look up at Mingyu as he gently pushes you to the side and replaces your spot in front of the kiosk.

You don’t say anything as he punches in his own order, pulls out his credit card, and pays for both of your drinks. As the machine outputs the receipt, you show him a small smile. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Mingyu gives you a look. “Yeah, I did.” There’s a bit of an awkward silence. Mingyu paying for your drink isn’t too weird—your guy friends in college buy you food all the time! Albeit you do occasionally return the favor, it never feels anything more than platonic.

So why does it give you butterflies when Mingyu so casually puts you under his tab?

You choose not to care. You’re not expecting anything out of this, after all. This is just for all good fun—reminiscing, if you wanted to put it like that.

“What’d you get?” you ask him, breaking the silence, as you peer over his arm to glance at the receipt. The action has your cheek brushing against his shoulder, and something tells you the both of you are thinking about it just as much as the other.

“Passionfruit green tea,” he says, holding the receipt closer to you so you can read it more clearly.

“Mmm, yummy,” you say gleefully, giving Mingyu a cheeky smile.

“Hey,” he scoffs. “I didn’t say I’d let you try my drink! Don’t get ahead of yourself now,” he teases.

You pout and furrow your eyebrows. “What the hell, Mingyu? Why not?” you cry out overdramatically. “Oh come on, I was gonna share my toffee caramel tea with you!”

Mingyu rolls his eyes playfully. “I don’t like toffee.”

“I didn’t know that! I would have ordered something else then.”

“Too bad you didn’t,” Mingyu replies with a carefree shrug.

You glare at him, stomach fluttering with something youthful—you’re having fun with Mingyu. “That’s not fair!” you whine.

“Must suck,” he says indifferently, watching you cross your arms over your chest from the corner of his vision. Something sparks inside Mingyu in the moment, watching you look up at him through your thick lashes. “Maybe I can give you a sip or two …”

Your eyes glow. “Really?”

Mingyu grins. “Yeah, but you’re going to have to repay me.”

Your eyes meet, and there’s something electric in the way you look at each other. The thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn’t be doing. That what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

But Mingyu’s eyes are glimmering, and there’s something in your stomach that is yelling at you to stop thinking so damn much and slam on the accelerator. You beam up at him with a challenging gaze.

“How do you want me to do that?”

An hour later you’re in Mingyu’s room, stumbling through his door with your hands already all over each other. His lips are soft against yours, peppering short but hot kisses all over you, your face, your neck and—god, fuck, how does he know about that one spot on your neck?

“Ah, Mingyu,” you moan quietly when his hands palm at your hip, fingers sliding under your shirt and brushing over your skin. His hands are warm, but still you shiver at the touch—just knowing it’s Mingyu and you, alone in this moment, is enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Well, that, and the way he’s got his tongue tracing over your collarbone. He’s too good at this, you think to yourself for a moment, before getting lost in the feeling. Soon, he brings his lips back to yours, and you kiss fervently as you stumble backwards into his bed.

With the back of your knees hitting the mattress, you both go tumbling onto the sheets, and suddenly everything feels all too familiar. Mingyu’s hands in your hair. Your lips glossy and swollen as you start to press kisses into his neck. The growing heat between the two of you.

You and Mingyu twist around in the sheets for a blissful moment, clothes and hair going awry as your limbs intertwine in this hot, messy mess of a hook-up. At some point, Mingyu ends up underneath you, back propped up against the mattress so that he’s sitting up straight, your legs straddling him as you nestle in his lap.

With your hands all over each other, he’s got his grip on your hips, pushing them up and forward in a curved motion that has you grinding against him. “Fuck,” you whimper when you feel his painfully hard length brush against your throbbing heat.

Your tummy tumbles at the prospects of what’s to come. Pulling back from Mingyu’s hot lips, you get to see him in a way you never thought you’d get to again—cheeks flushed, eyes fluttered shutted, and swollen lips partially open and panting for breath. His dark wisps of hair come down over his forehead, sticking to the thin layer of sweat that coats his tan skin.

Slowly Mingyu begins to open high eyes, laughing lightly. The sound makes you want to grin into eternity. Gently, he cups your face and pulls you in for a kiss, this one much softer, much lighter than the ones before.

Mingyu kisses you with what—dare you say it—care. He kisses you with care, he holds your chin as if it were made of glass, he brushes his tongue against yours in a way that tells you he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here and—

The thoughts have you reeling. Has being sexless for the past few months made you this vulnerable? you think to yourself in a passing moment; has the lack of male physical contact been this detrimental to your ability to have sex without feelings?

The moment passes, and you choose to push your thoughts to the back of your mind, pushing your lips harder into Mingyu’s to fuel a more fiery, more aggressive kiss. He groans into it, and the burning heat you feel every time you grind down on it makes it impossible for you to wait longer.

Slowly, you pull away from him and scoot down the bed between his legs. For a moment, Mingyu is still in a daze, eyes half open as he still imagines the feeling of his lips on yours. You inch down further, bringing your hands closer and closer to the waistband of his jeans.

Right as your fingers brush over the little bit of skin that peeks between his shirt and his belt, Mingyu lets out a soft gasp. Looking up at him, you’re met with the sight of his blown out eyes as he reaches down to hold your face again.

“I-I know I said you gotta repay me, but you know, you don’t really have to—not like this at least. I mean you can, but not if you don—” Mingyu rambles for a moment, and you almost want to use that god-forsaken word. Cute.

“Hey,” you say quietly, pressing your index finger to his lip. “Lemme do this—I want to.” You feel him relax under you, the finger that was on his lips slowly tracing down his jaw and then his neck, inching to his collar and—

Oh, he’s already gotten started on unbuttoning his shirt. You almost forget to get back at it, with the way you’re staring him down right now. Mingyu chuckles a little, watching the way your eyes dilate as you gaze over him.

“Like what you see?” He says it in a way like he knows what he’s doing to you. Like he knows you’ve got a puddle between the crest of your thighs.

You’re not shameful enough to stop yourself from grinning and nodding, “I do.”

Mingyu’s eyes flame with that hunger you’ve seen before. He likes the way you’re doing this. “You’re the fuckin’ devil aren’t you?” he coos, as you start to unbuckle his belt, pulling down the waistband of his pants. He lifts his hips as you pull them further down, patiently waiting for your response.

“The devil … you must think red suits me then,” you say it like a question. The way you smile tells Mingyu you’ve got something hidden up your sleeve. While he shrugs off his unbuttoned shirt, you sit nestled between his legs still fully clothed.

Mingyu watches you as you tug at the hem of your shirt before gently pulling it over your head, revealing a deep red lacy bra underneath.

“Speak of the devil herself,” Mingyu breathes out with a small smile, continuing to watch as you shimmy off your bottoms and reveal matching red panties. You admit: it’s doing a lot for a first boba date, but you can’t help but think it fits the scene perfectly.

Mingyu leans forward, pressing kissing on the bare skin of your chest as you play with the waistband of his briefs before finally pushing them down to reveal his length. Looking down, it’s long and it’s pretty and it’s thick, with veins pushing up against the sides.

With a soft gasp, you pull away from Mingyu and slowly settle yourself lower in the bed so that you’re laying stomach side down right in between his legs. Mingyu watches you from his view above; he watches the ways your eyes slowly gaze over his dick, fingers inching toward it before finally wrapping around the base.

He nearly gasps when you do—and Kim Mingyu is no virgin—but something about the warmth in your fingertips and the softness in your touch has him feeling electric. So when you bring your tongue to his shiny tip and lap, he straight up moans.

The sound alone has you opening your mouth wider, taking him fully into your mouth and down. Immediately, Mingyu’s hands shoot to your head, scooping up bundles of your hair and holding it behind your head. Slowly, you find yourself in a pattern of moving your head up and down, except there’s just one problem.

Mingyu is far too big and he’s far too gentle—you can’t fit enough of him in your mouth and he’s not exactly pushing you down so you think it’s time to take some action.

So as gently as you can, you begin to hollow out your cheeks and push yourself further down his length, eyes shutting when he hits the back of your throat. At once, you hear a loud groan and if you could move your lips right now, you’d be grinning.

And so you do it again. You pull your head back up and just as your lips are about to leave his tip you come back down and push as far as you can go, each time going a bit further down than the last. You do it a few more times before your jaw begins to ache for a break, and you pull yourself off of him completely.

You’re met with Mingyu’s dazed eyes as you look up. “You’re crazy,” he pants, fingers still tangled in your hair. “Holy fuck, you’re crazy.”

You grin up at him. “Sorry,” you say cheekily, watching as he throws his head back, taking deep breaths of air. His firm chest rises up and down heavily, and the heat between your legs grows at the realization that you’re the one to have him like this.

“Don’t apologize—shit—that was so—d-do that again,” he says, eyes darkening when he looks back down at you. His hands gingerly wipe some tears from your cheeks, going back up to hold your hair all the way back again. “That was so fucking hot.”

Your stomach churns as you part your lips again, wrapping them around his tip which now adorns a pretty stream of pre. He groans again when you envelop him in your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks as you start to move down again.

To be honest, you’re not usually this good at giving head, but with Mingyu, he’s got this—oh, there it is—the way your name rolls of his lips in a deep, guttural tone that has you gushing in your panties, and then you can’t help but press down more.

So you do it again, and again, until Mingyu’s practically thrusting his hips up as you take him into your mouth, his handsome face glistening with sweat from restraining himself. You don’t know how much time goes by but at some point you feel a tug; you look up and it’s Mingyu’s hands guiding your head off of him and pulling you into his mouth.

He kisses you messily, tongues licking into each others’ mouths as you shift so that you’re back at straddling him. With Mingyu fully naked, your bare stomach presses against his skin when his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around Mingyu’s neck as you continue to kiss into him, bodies melting into one. You ease back to your previous movement of grinding into him, but with such little fabric between the two of you this time, it’s getting harder and harder to wait.

It doesn’t take long for his hand to make its way to your panties, rubbing your heat over the soaked fabric for a moment before lifting it and pushing it to the side.

Mingyu pulls away now, watching your face slowly contort into expressions of pleasure as he runs his fingers up and down between your sopping hole and clit.

“Mingyu,” you manage to whimper through heavy breaths.

“Yeah baby?” The nickname itself nearly has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He probably doesn’t have a clue about what he does to you.

“Can’t wait,” you tell him quickly, hands already grabbing for his glistening length. Mingyu, a little startled by your forwardness, falters back into the headboard a bit, relaxing for hardly a second before he feels your fingers guiding his dick toward your hole.

He thought he’d sit there and finger you first—give you a good eating out because if anything, Mingyu’s always really wanted a taste of you first—but something about the way you look at him with these eyes that look like you’d give him the world and more has him bending to your needy wishes/

So, when his tip is finally at your entrance, you both moan loudly. Your fingers make your way up to Mingyu’s neck, playing with the soft and short hairs that sit at the nape of his neck. “Oh,” you say in a sigh when his hips gently push you down to envelope his tip.

Even having him in your mouth couldn’t prepare you for taking Mingyu’s length inside of you. His tip, thick and bulbous, presses into you, and inch by inch you begin to let out small gasps.

“You’re—holy shit, you’re so big, M’ngyu,” you whimper.

You say it so cutely, Mingyu can’t help but groan under his breath. “Yeah?” he manages out, trying to hide the extent to which you’ve got him in a daze. “Can’t take it?” he coos.

Mingyu is, at the very least, extremely pleased when you—you, in your lustful, hazy state—still manage to cock an eyebrow at him and retort, “Of course I can.”

“Atta girl,” Mingyu murmurs, smiling with pride as he reaches for hips. Lowering your body over his dick, he watches you carefully while you continue to take him all in.

The way your chest heaves up and down in short breaths as you try to control yourself. The way your eyebrows pinch together every few seconds when you let out a small moan. The way your stomach twitches and turns when he brushes a finger over your clit.

You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful to Mingyu, he doesn’t think anyone can comprehend all the ways he wants to fuck you right now. Well, that is, anyone but you, because as soon as your bottom is pressed against Mingyu’s legs and you’ve gone as far down as you can go, you bring yourself back up and grind back down on his dick.

“Fuck, do that again,” Mingyu demands, but it comes out as nothing more than a pleading gasp as you both get used to the feeling of each other—it’s overwhelming, yet in the best way possible. “You’re so damn hot,” he murmurs when you repeat the motion, pressing wet kisses into your neck.

Each roll of your hips is punctuated with a quiet moan from your lips, the two of your lips meeting every few moments in a fiery but fleeting kiss. Mingyu fills you up so deeply, in a way that leaves you wanting more and more.

Your body is on fire and you can’t seem to stop now. It’s just—Mingyu’s got his dick pressing all the spots inside of you that have you biting down on your bottom lip, that have you digging your fingers into the hard muscle of his shoulder, that have you moaning into his mouth.

But even your own body has limits, because while the feeling of you bouncing back down on his length every time is nothing short of euphoric, your legs only have so much strength. Gradually, your legs begin to get sore.

Within seconds Mingyu notices the falter in your movements, and suddenly his hands are under your thighs, picking you up, and flipping you onto your back. Your back is now against the mattress, head resting on a soft pillow as Mingyu readjusts above you.

“Getting tired?” Mingyu chuckles, as he reaches down for his dick, aligning it at your entrance once more. A needy whine escapes your throat when he finally is inside of you again, his length filling up what felt far too empty in those passing moments before.

“Didn’t—ah! D-Didn’t take you as the type to make the girl do a-all the work,” you bite back.

Mingyu cocks his eyebrow at you, and you almost want to grin at the way his eyes darken at your challenging comment. “You got a bad bad mouth, huh? Let’s see if you can talk much anymore soon.” You open your mouth to respond, but at the last moment, Mingyu pushes that last bit of his length inside of you, effectively rendering you speechless as you see stars and try to quiet the rush in your ears. Mingyu just laughs. “Didn’t think so.”

He pauses for a few seconds inside of you, and you take this chance to admire him in a way you didn’t get to before. His skin is flushed all over, pink blooming over his cheeks as he swipes a tongue over his lips. As your gaze travels down, you catch sight of his abs once again, and you can’t help but grin at just the idea of getting to see him like this.

Now, Mingyu starts out with his first thrust. It’s deep, and unforgiving might you add. You shriek loudly, not expecting to fill you up even more than before, yet somehow it’s both equally overwhelming and infinitely more euphoric.

Based on the volume of your response to the first, he follows with another thrust, this one nearly as moving. Your responses mimic the last, and soon, Mingyu enjoys the pleasure of seeing you become a moaning mess beneath him.

So there Mingyu is, fucking the daylights out of you, one his palm cupping your cheek. And now here he goes, jotting his thumb out and pushing against your lips. It doesn’t even take a second for you to part your lips, his thumb slipping inside.

“Good fucking girl,” he grunts under his breath where you roll your tongue over the pad of his finger tip. Faintly, Mingyu recalls the way you swiped your tongue over his dick and there he goes with a particularly hard thrust at the thought.

Your legs are folded up completely, thighs pressing into your chest deeply every time Mingyu pounds into you. A moan stifles up one after another, muffled by his thumb in your mouth, but somehow not getting any quieter.

It’s around this point when Mingyu starts to feel it, the way you squirm a bit more after each deep, pointed thrust. The way your mouth starts to widen more and more, moans getting louder by the moment. The way you’re tightening around him—and there goes his queue.

His thumb in your mouth is pulled out and quickly moved down your stomach between your legs and right on your clit. That’s when you move from moaning to downright whimpering—whining—into Mingyu’s shoulders.

Your toes begin to tighten as he continues to slam into you, every muscle in your body beginning to go limp as you rake your fingers into his back, trying to hold on to something to ground you.

“I know baby,” Mingyu moans, his hands holding onto your hips with such a tightness you know you’ll be left with bruises.

“I’m s’close,” you manage to gasp out, hips meekly pushing up as well to meet Mingyu’s half way. You’re trying your best to keep to it together but fuck, it all feels so good—his skin is so hot but somehow your core feels even hotter.

You feel tears of pleasure roll down your cheeks when you finally feel it—Mingyu’s length so deep inside of you, pressing up against your walls in all the right places—and so you crash.

Moaning and whimpering and writhing beneath him, you cry out when you finish, “Mingyu, fuck! I’m—’m coming.”

To which Mingyu gently kisses your neck while roughly pounding into you harder, now trying to meet his own end in deep fervor. “I know baby, I know jus’—fuck,” he nearly cuts himself off with his own moan when he feels your tight pussy squeeze around him. “Just’ hold on for me a little longer s—oh.”

You’ve got some spell on him. That’s got to be it. A damn spell has got to be the reason Mingyu’s finding himself way quicker than he’s ever before.

You’re brain is a bit too fucked to register the beautiful mix of shock and pleasure that crosses over Mingyu’s face when he begins to paint your soft walls white. “Fuck,” Mingyu groans loudly, pressing his dick so deep into you that you think you’d be able to feel it through your belly.

You squeal softly at the feeling—your pussy is now a hot, sopping, sensitive mess, and Mingyu’s cock is just far too long and far too fat for you to handle. However, the feeling of his seed fill you up has a warmth that overtakes the slight feeling of discomfort.

The air in his room begins to grow quiet and still as Mingyu finally slips his softening length out of you. You still lay with your back against the sheets, Mingyu pulling himself off without a word and flopping down on the bed next to you.

This silence is new.

It’s not uncomfortable, but there still seems to be some unspoken words that fill the space between you and Mingyu. Only the sound of your heavy breaths fills the room, the erratic patterns steadily starting to even out.

“Was that enough repayment for you?” you finally ask casually, breaking the silence. Mingyu chuckles softly.

“It was … pretty nice, I guess,” he responds, pushing himself up into a sitting position to fix the covers more comfortably over the both of you.

You narrow your eyebrows up at him. “Pretty nice? I’m gonna kill you!”

This time Mingyu laughs. “What do you want me to say? Yeah, it was fucking amazing?”

You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. “Well, would that be the truth?” you challenge him, a smirk making its way onto your lips.

“Of course it would be,” Mingyu scoffs—something about his shameless admission of praise has your cheeks burning and eyes lighting up. “But if I say that, then it means you’ve fully repaid me, and that means that we don’t have to do this again.”

“Ah I get it, so you’re lying to me so you can fuck me again,” you reply. Mingyu rolls his eyes at you.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he pauses, and looks like he’s contemplating something before continuing. “But I mean, you can totally say no. Because with the way you’re talking, it seems like you aren’t interested so why don’t I save you the pain of having to reject me and—” As he turns away to grab something from his night stand, you cut him off.

“Hey, I didn’t say that!” you exclaim once you catch where he’s going. You say it so brazenly it startles Mingyu a little, and he turns around to face you.

Your eyes meet and oh—there it is again. That feeling in your stomach, a warm knot that tumbles around. You’re not sure what it means. You’re not sure what this means—this being you laying in Mingyu’s bed.

Something in the way Mingyu looks at you tells you you’re not going to have an answer for a while.

Something in the way Mingyu smiles at you tells you that you’re at least going to have some fun trying to find out.

a/n: hopeeeee u guys liked it! btw reader is a self insert so if u don't like her GET AWWWT. anywho i was rly nervous about posting this but here we go ... wait can u guys believe it took me literally 3 months to write this smut. i had the entire fic + more follow up stuff but all i had to write was this chunk of smut in the middle and i didn't do it literally just because i didn't want to. i don't like writing smut in full lenth fics anymore (ramble time. pls ignore me) because i have to write the entire scene. like i enjoy smut drabbles because it's fun i get to experiment but unless it's a full length fic related to a sex relate concept then it's fun (aka crybaby). i personally don't really enjoy most of the other smuts i write for things like this fic + flight of the stars, etc, because it's just the same kind of smut scene rewritten in different ways. i feel i'm not even doing it in different ways atp—I FEEL I AM LITERALLY WRITING THE SAME SCENES I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE. how many different ways can one write "oh my god that feels so good" like sorry. okay i'm done with my rant and for clarity i actually do not care this much. i just think it's funny but i get it because i like little smuts like this when i read it's just a pain to write because at some point it's hard to get creative and i feel like i'm being a lazy writer :/ i write all this and complain and blah blah but i do really enjoy it like OK yeah i spent 3 months writing this smut but it ended up being way longer than i anticipated so ummm whose fault is that?! (everyone look away from tumblr user toruru) ok sorry if u stayed til the end of this author's note actually please let me know and i will be sending u virtual kisses. anywhp pls feel free to leave comments/reblogs they mean the absolute world to me

[toruro]

— ✧ guilty as sin

pairing: mingyu x reader

genre: smut (18+ / mdni), non-idol au, open ending ... (pt 2 perhaps?)

word count: 8k

description: the thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn't be doing. that what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

warnings: alcohol & (mentions of) marijuana consumption

tags: mingyu and reader went to same high school, y/n and mingyu both are freshly out of relationships, blowjobs, sex, dirty talk, idk they banter a lot i think theyre cute so believe me

a/n: so this is a fun little piece ... i do have a plot outline for a part 2 and 3 but totally depends on if u guys want to see more of them ... anyways i know i have been mia with my writing but i really like this piece so i hope u all enjoy >_< tysm to the lovely @gyuswhore who beta read this for me bc everyone knows i don't proofread anything

“He’s single.”

You ignore Nayeon’s statement, pretending to scroll through a cafe’s website on your phone.

“He’s single,” she repeated, clearing her throat for a moment before. She’s unsure if you heard her.

Still no response. You try bopping your head to music, hoping Nayeon will think you’re extremely engrossed in the faint music from the radio.

She doesn’t.

“Mingyu’s single, damnit!” Nayeon yells out this time, and you obviously are caught off guard by the way you nearly jump out of your seat.

You crane your neck at her and frown. “I know Mingyu’s single! I know he’s single, Nayeon, but that doesn’t explain why he never replied to my message!” you cry out, throwing your hands in the air. “If anything, this makes things worse—that means he’s available and plain doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Nayeon shakes her head at you, turning her eyes back to the road. “That’s not true. I heard he only broke up with his ex recently. Maybe he’s just taking a break from … well, you know: other girls. I think that’s fair.” You don’t say anything, but you know she’s right. “And I think …” Nayeon follows, while you mentally prepare for what you know she’ll say, “I think you should learn to do that too.”

“Nayeon!” you whine.

“What? You also just broke up with Taehyun—there should be a waiting period, don’t you think? At least like—four months.”

“Four months?!” you screech. It’s a passing thought that she’s right. Deep down, you know that space is just what you need—a vacation from boys—all of them.

“Yes, four months. Seriously, do you think you’re even emotionally over Taehyun?”

You frown at her question, because you both know the answer to that. For god’s sake, you’d called her crying over how you fucked up by breaking up with him. “I mean—”

“You know, I don’t even think four months would be long enough for you. You’re so far gone, I think you might need at least a year before you can emotionally commit to someone.”

“Wow,” you say dryly. “Didn’t know you knew me better than myself.”

Nayeon smirks at you. “I mean, I think we both know that’s true.”

You huff, crossing your arms over your shoulder, looking at the window. Even with her rather annoying (albeit correct) analysis of your feelings, you’re grateful for her emotional support, and her offer to pick you up from the airport.

“How have you and Cheol been,” you ask her a few moments later, hopefully diverting the conversation. Nayeon huffs at your persistence on not talking about this, but she finally lets up.

“We’ve been good. Long distance has been easier than we expected,” she replies honestly.

“That’s good, I’m glad,” you say, trying to ignore the way your heart pangs just a little. It’s unfortunate that you and Taehyun weren’t so lucky. You two lasted ten months of long distance before things began to crumble.

You push the thought of you and Taehyun to the back of your mind. Just even hearing his name is enough for your stomach to turning into ugly knots, memories flooding back to you about just how badly you fucked up.

You try to remind yourself that mistakes happen to be learned from.

You can only hope that you don’t let anything like that happen again. Ever again.

It’s the next night when Nayeon climbs into your car as you park out in front of her place. “Coming home for break never really gets old, huh,” she says, buckling up over her lacy top.

“Cute top,” you compliment as you pull out of her driveway and make your way back onto the road.

“Thanks. Cheol got it for me,” she replies with a grin. “You ready for the night?” she asks with a slightly sarcastic laugh.

“Rhetorical question?” you shoot back with a raised brow. “Honestly, I’m not sure. It might be nice to see everyone together again, but also I’m glad that we left a lot of those people in the past.”

“Ooh, what do you mean by that?” Nayeon coos, and you both laugh together.

“As if you don’t know what I mean. I can’t imagine you’re exactly looking forward to seeing Renjun again.”

Nayeon grimaces deeply when you say that. “Why would you say that?” she whines. “Just had to go and remind me about him …”

“Nayeon, I love you but I’m not apologizing because you’re literally going to see him in ten minutes.”

“Whatever. Anyways, I know I told you to take time away from guys, but you’ve been pretty mopey about this whole thing with Taehyun and—”

“Hey! You said it was okay if I talked about him.”

“Before you rudely cut me off,” Nayeon snaps, “I was going to say that it’s okay to be upset about him. I just think maybe it’s also okay to let him out of your system, y’know? Deep clean sorta thing.”

You cock an eyebrow at her. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Well I was getting to that! You know who’s going to be there tonight?” she says excitedly.

“Oh let me guess,” you say flatly, pausing for an intentional five seconds before deadpanning, “oh my gosh, Mingyu?”

“Yeah! Come on, be more excited about it!” Nayeon cheers you on.

You sigh dramatically. “You know, I would be a lot more excited about seeing him if he didn’t air me when I messaged him a month ago.” You physically cringe whenever the image of your lone message in the chat with Mingyu pops into your head.

are you going to be home for the break?

He never responded, casually on brand for Mingyu and his nonchalance.

“The others haven’t talked to him since high school right?” you confirm with Nayeon. “None of you guys were really friends with him, if I remember correctly.”

“Yeah, I mean all of them don’t like him,” Nayeon says, referring to her other group of friends. You furrow your eyebrows.

“I guess he was kinda mean in high school …” you reply with a sigh. It’s true. Mingyu was kinda mean. Nayeon gives you a questionable look.

“No—well yeah—but they all don’t like him because they liked him and he didn’t give a shit. Hell, even I thought Mingyu was cute, but he would like never do anything with any of us.”

You purse your lips. You didn’t know that. “Oh really,” you say dryly.

“Yeah,” Nayeon says with a half laugh, and then shoots you a smirk. “That’s kinda why at the beginning of senior year Seoyeon was kinda, well, you know—”

“Bitchy,” you finished off for her. “I guess it makes sense,” you continue with a little sparkle in your eyes. You feel a wave of giddiness wash over you as you let yourself smile when you say, “I mean, I did get to kiss him.”

When you were with Taehyun, you always tried to avoid thinking about what happened that one night in senior year. Drunk for the first time ever, sharing a few puffs of weed with Mingyu, and there you and him were, cuddling on Nayeon’s friend’s couch in the living room in front of all of your friends. And then eventually the couch turned into a bed, and you weren’t surrounded by your friends, you were surrounded by four walls and a locked door, and of course you weren’t cuddling—damn it—you were on Mingyu’s lap and kissing him.

But of course, it was no perfect evening, because then the ruckus that follows 10 shots of alcohol began to crawl up your throat, and Nayeon was banging on the door (god, who’s room even was this?); so you flung yourself out of the room and hurled into the toilet across the hall.

That’s all you remember from the night, but unfortunately your friends reminded you of your rather poor alcohol decisions when you were sober the next morning.

“You kissed Mingyu!” they had said. “That’s fucking crazy. Didn’t you like him like two years ago?”

You had grimaced at them. Shrugged, trying to act like that wasn’t all that was running through your head because yeah, you did like Mingyu two years ago and it might’ve been a silly little hallway crush but god, if he didn’t have your stomach doing twists and turns for no damn reason and—

Eyes on the road, you remind yourself when you feel like you’re getting too caught up in your thoughts. Clearing your mind as you near the parking lot of the bar, you and Nayeon chat up on the latest gossip about all the people you’re about to see.

Soon, you make it into the bar, and you’re met with a myriad of familiar faces. They greet you with polite small talk and it’s a little bit funny. You have seen these people at quite possibly the most embarrassing era of their lives; and they had seen you at yours. It’s funny how you now exchange awkward smiles and unfamiliar handshakes with these same people.

You say hi to them slowly, one by one, checking them off in your head. Renjun … Joshua … Wonwoo … Seungkwan … Soonyoung … and the list goes on. Silently, you brace yourself for the last person of the lot.

Everyone’s conversing among themselves, so you’re confident that no one’s going to watch the horribly awkward interaction you and Mingyu have when your eyes meet as you approach him. You both might have agreed to pretend nothing ever happened between you two, but there’s something uneasy in the air right now. You haven’t seen each other in over a year.

You’ve been watching him from the corner of your vision. He’s got on a black button up, casually unbuttoned, shiny watch glinting against the dim bar lights, dark wash jeans that make his butt look really nice and—

God, you need to stop getting so ahead of yourself. You find yourself almost faltering in your step, getting caught up in your thoughts when you approach him.

“Hi,” you say to Mingyu once you finally find yourself in front of him. You try and distract yourself from the way heat is rushing to your face as you remember that he’s probably read the message you sent him, but you hope he won’t bring it up.

“Long time no see,” Mingyu responds with a smile you can’t quite read. You two stand in a bit of an awkward silence before you get the feeling that you don’t really want to be in this situation anymore. You clear your throat and straighten your back upon the realization.

“Well,” you say, letting your eyes wander elsewhere in the bar. “It was nice seeing you. I’m gonna just—” you point at Nayeon with a few of your other friends by the barstools, “—get going, you know, and—” you almost find yourself rambling before you choose to shut yourself up and walk away.

As you’re turning away, you hear Mingyu call your name for god knows what reason.

“We should catch up,” he says casually.

There it is. That’s it.

You turn back to him for just a moment, flashing a smile and a nod, before going back to spend some time with your other friends.

It’s about an hour and a half later, and you and your girl friends are past the pleasantries and now knee-deep into sharing the raunchy details of the past few semesters at college.

At some point, the drinks everyone had gotten at the beginning seemed to be running dry, so Seoyeon says, “Hey ladies, anyone ready for another few rounds of drinks, or—”

“Or even better!” Sakura squeals. “Shots! Who wants shots?!”

All of your friends cheer, and you smile along with them. “You guys go ahead,” you tell them when they start picking their stuff from where you’re seated to the bar area. “I’m driving tonight, so I’ll pass,” you explain, patting Nayeon on the shoulder.

She hugs you from the side, murmuring, “Ugh, you’re the best,” before joining the others as they head for their new round of drinks—or shots, was it—or maybe both—who knows? As they start walking away, you see a tall figure walking toward you, and once you recognize just who it’s about to be, your stomach does a flip.

“Hey,” Mingyu greets you once again, after the others all leave, and you’re scared to look him in the eye. You can see it from the corner of your vision: that gleam in his eyes. It’s mischievous, almost, but mixed with something else you can’t quite figure out.

He’s an enigma, you remind yourself again, and you don’t think you’ll ever quite figure him out.

“Hey,” you say softly, unsure what to follow with. You grip your mocktail from earlier a little tighter, using your other hand to stir it round with the thin straw.

“So, how’ve you been?” Mingyu asks you with a smile, raising both his eyebrows in a way that almost makes you want to call him cute. He leans against a wall beside you both, and gosh—it’s sexy too, and it’s driving you ‘cause he’s cute and he’s sexy at the same damn time, and you just can’t wrap your mi—

The question. You need to answer his question.

“I’ve been … alright,” you tell him, finally lifting your gaze to look up at his eyes. They’re staring right back at you, and you may not be under the influence, but you’re definitely under his. “Pretty good, recently actually,” you decide to add, some rush of excitement flooding over you. “You?”

Mingyu smiles at your near chirpiness, still holding eye contact. “Guess I could say the same. I’ve been better,” he says, and you both chuckle. “But I’ve been doing good, especially back here at home,” he says.

“Yeah,” you agree, “Something about this place, huh?”

“Something about this place …” Mingyu repeats, “Yeah. Well that’s fuckin’ true. It makes me feel a certain way.”

“Brings back the memories for me,” you say.

“The good?” Mingyu asks with a bit of an open-mouthed smile. “Or the bad?”

You look up at the ceiling, holding a finger to your chin while pretending to think intensely. “Both!” you conclude after a few seconds. Mingyu lets out a small laugh at your display, and then you find yourself thinking about that stupid four letter word. Cute.

“Cheers to that,” he chuckles, holding his bottle of beer up to you. You hold your mocktail glass up as well, clicking the glass with Mingyu and smiling together.

“Hey,” he continues, “can I get you another drink? Not sure how long you’ve been holding onto that one, but it seems like it’s no good now anyways.”

“Oh, no, no, no! I’m not drinking tonight—gotta get Nayeon and myself home safely. This is so I still look like I’m having a drink. Mocktail,” you tell him.

“Oh really? That’s funny. I never took you as a DD kinda girl—I’m much more familiar with the version of you that … well, you know.”

Yeah, yeah you did fucking know.

“What can I say, I’m a changed woman,” you claim coolly, aiming to act unbothered by what he just brought up. You take this as your chance to lean into him a little closer, holding your drink up to his nose. “What? Don’t believe me? Smell it.”

This time, Mingyu leans in even closer to you, hardly a foot of space between you two. You can only hope no one sees you two like this. Luckily for you and Mingyu, everyone seems to be a bit preoccupied with their own shenanigans elsewhere.

“Guess I believe you,” he finally concludes, lifting his head back up and settling back in his previous position. “So how’s school? Heard you’re running with that—what is it—math degree?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a smile. The thought of Mingyu hearing about you and remembering the details has you feeling some kind of way. “Got a few more courses left and then I can graduate! I’m assuming the same for you—only two more semesters, yeah?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I might go abroad this next semester actually,” he tells you.

“Oh really. Where’re you headed?”

“Spain, hopefully. Still waiting to see if I’ll be able to graduate on time if I go.”

“Wow,” you say in a breath. The image of Mingyu walking the roads of Spain under the sun, his tan skin glowing from the— “Wow, yeah. Spain is really cool. I’ve never been.”

“You should stop by,” Mingyu says with a shrug, almost too casually. You narrow your eyebrows at him.

Just as you’re about to respond, Nayeon drapes herself over you from behind, a little more than tipsy to add. You’re a bit startled, eyes wide and facing Mingyu as you both take a few steps, backing away from each other.

“Hey,” Nayeon greets with a faint slur, pointing a lazy finger at Mingyu. “This,” she says exaggeratedly, this time moving her finger to point at you, “is my lovely DD for the night, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t take her out for a puff.”

Mingyu gives her a flat look. “Wasn’t planning on it,” he says dryly, clearly bothered by Nayeon’s interruption.

Nayeon shrugs and you’re a little bit confused as to why she’s suddenly acting with this edge of hostility towards Mingyu. (Last you checked, their families were friends, and Nayeon was one of the only girls here who didn’t truly dislike him.)

“Wouldn’t count on it, you know, given what happened the last time,” Nayeon bites back, and this time you’re the one to be slightly irritated.

You shrug her off your back, saying, “Nayeon, don’t worry, I’m not gonna smoke or anything—trust me.” You think thoughtfully, glancing between her and Mingyu who has an indecipherable look on his face, and then you add, “And Mingyu wouldn’t anyways. I already told him I’m driving home. Why don’t you go hang out with Sakura? Looks like she’s calling you over.”

“Really?” Nayeon squeals, and just as quickly as she showed up, she’s gone again.

You chuckle as she hurries off, turning back to Mingyu. “Sorry about that,” you tell him sheepishly when you catch the way his lips are pursed tightly.

“Your friends will never let that up, huh?” he says, and you think he almost sounds annoyed as he takes a sip of his drink.

You raise a brow. “Have your friends let it up? Probably not, huh?” you bite back, a little mischievously. You’re both teetering around the topic—not exactly talking about what happened that night years ago, but at the same time, you’re both definitely talking about just exactly that.

Mingyu chuckles. “Touche.”

You’re unsure of what to say next. You can’t quite tell where this conversation is headed—if it’ll lead you to another dead end—another few years of shoving your lust for Mingyu to the back of your mind before he pops up again and makes you start all over again. There’s always going to be a little spark though, kindling somewhere inside you, ready to plunge yourself into this man you hardly know.

“Senior year was kinda crazy, wasn’t it?” you say with a sly smile.

When Mingyu mirrors the look on your face, you swear you feel the spark turn into a small flame. “Yeah, you could put it like that.”

You’re surely not intoxicated, but when you sense him shuffling a little closer to you, running his hands through his thick dark hair, a wave of boldness courses through you. “Do you miss it?” you ask, almost innocently, with your big pretty eyes staring up at him.

Mingyu smirks. “I probably should say no … but that would be lying. And I am no longer a liar.”

“Oh, has the Kim Mingyu retired from his title of pathological liar?”

Mingyu laughs this time, and it’s hearty. “I have, but just for tonight.”

“Does that mean I’m never going to see this truthful, honest version of yourself again?” you whine with a fake pout. You’re treading unfamiliar waters here, but you can’t remember the last time you had this much fun single.

Mingyu gives you a warning look, but then smiles. He opens his mouth, ready to respond, when Joshua calls out his name.

“Yo Mingyu! Check this out!” he yells from across the bar.

“Give me a second,” Mingyu calls back, but just as he’s about to turn back to you, Wonwoo speaks up.

“Nah Mingyu, you gotta come over now. Soonyoung’s doing this weird ass thing and—hurry up! He’s not gonna do it again and—” You hear a series of unintelligible shouts come from that area, and Mingyu gives an apologetic look before tending to his friends.

There’s something in his eyes that told you, this isn’t finished yet, but before you know it your friends scoop you up from the table area and pull you over to where they’re playing pool. Soon, any hopes you had of talking to Mingyu again were slim to none, both of you two involved with whatever your friends were doing, but also conscious about how it would look if you guys talked alone for any longer.

You can’t handle the speculation.

You’re pretty confident Mingyu wouldn’t be a fan either.

Later that night, you drop Nayeon off at her house, and then make your way back to your own home. After doing your nightly routine, you slip into the soft covers of your bed when you hear a soft buzz come from your phone.

You’re not exactly sure who’d be texting you at this hour, but as you reach for your device, something in your stomach just knows.

You’re smiling before you even tap your screen.

You’re grinning by the time you see the name pop up brightly.

mingyu: my fault for not responding earlier mingyu: so boba tomorrow at 8?

“Can’t remember the last time I had boba past 6 pm, to be honest. Weird choice,” you remark, tapping on the kiosk to adjust your order to your liking.

“You gonna be sassy about every decision I make?” Mingyu huffs, standing right by you in the empty little boba shop. You hum, as you continue to finalize your order.

“Mm, that depends.”

“On?”

“On what kinda decisions you make.”

Mingyu scoffs. “You’re impossible.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda my thing, you know?” you reply cheekily, clicking on the ‘Ready to Pay’ option on the screen. Just as you’re about to pull out your card, a firm hand is on your shoulder. You look up at Mingyu as he gently pushes you to the side and replaces your spot in front of the kiosk.

You don’t say anything as he punches in his own order, pulls out his credit card, and pays for both of your drinks. As the machine outputs the receipt, you show him a small smile. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Mingyu gives you a look. “Yeah, I did.” There’s a bit of an awkward silence. Mingyu paying for your drink isn’t too weird—your guy friends in college buy you food all the time! Albeit you do occasionally return the favor, it never feels anything more than platonic.

So why does it give you butterflies when Mingyu so casually puts you under his tab?

You choose not to care. You’re not expecting anything out of this, after all. This is just for all good fun—reminiscing, if you wanted to put it like that.

“What’d you get?” you ask him, breaking the silence, as you peer over his arm to glance at the receipt. The action has your cheek brushing against his shoulder, and something tells you the both of you are thinking about it just as much as the other.

“Passionfruit green tea,” he says, holding the receipt closer to you so you can read it more clearly.

“Mmm, yummy,” you say gleefully, giving Mingyu a cheeky smile.

“Hey,” he scoffs. “I didn’t say I’d let you try my drink! Don’t get ahead of yourself now,” he teases.

You pout and furrow your eyebrows. “What the hell, Mingyu? Why not?” you cry out overdramatically. “Oh come on, I was gonna share my toffee caramel tea with you!”

Mingyu rolls his eyes playfully. “I don’t like toffee.”

“I didn’t know that! I would have ordered something else then.”

“Too bad you didn’t,” Mingyu replies with a carefree shrug.

You glare at him, stomach fluttering with something youthful—you’re having fun with Mingyu. “That’s not fair!” you whine.

“Must suck,” he says indifferently, watching you cross your arms over your chest from the corner of his vision. Something sparks inside Mingyu in the moment, watching you look up at him through your thick lashes. “Maybe I can give you a sip or two …”

Your eyes glow. “Really?”

Mingyu grins. “Yeah, but you’re going to have to repay me.”

Your eyes meet, and there’s something electric in the way you look at each other. The thought crosses your mind that this is something you definitely shouldn’t be doing. That what you're just about to do will be a terribly wrong move for you and your freshly broken heart.

But Mingyu’s eyes are glimmering, and there’s something in your stomach that is yelling at you to stop thinking so damn much and slam on the accelerator. You beam up at him with a challenging gaze.

“How do you want me to do that?”

An hour later you’re in Mingyu’s room, stumbling through his door with your hands already all over each other. His lips are soft against yours, peppering short but hot kisses all over you, your face, your neck and—god, fuck, how does he know about that one spot on your neck?

“Ah, Mingyu,” you moan quietly when his hands palm at your hip, fingers sliding under your shirt and brushing over your skin. His hands are warm, but still you shiver at the touch—just knowing it’s Mingyu and you, alone in this moment, is enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Well, that, and the way he’s got his tongue tracing over your collarbone. He’s too good at this, you think to yourself for a moment, before getting lost in the feeling. Soon, he brings his lips back to yours, and you kiss fervently as you stumble backwards into his bed.

With the back of your knees hitting the mattress, you both go tumbling onto the sheets, and suddenly everything feels all too familiar. Mingyu’s hands in your hair. Your lips glossy and swollen as you start to press kisses into his neck. The growing heat between the two of you.

You and Mingyu twist around in the sheets for a blissful moment, clothes and hair going awry as your limbs intertwine in this hot, messy mess of a hook-up. At some point, Mingyu ends up underneath you, back propped up against the mattress so that he’s sitting up straight, your legs straddling him as you nestle in his lap.

With your hands all over each other, he’s got his grip on your hips, pushing them up and forward in a curved motion that has you grinding against him. “Fuck,” you whimper when you feel his painfully hard length brush against your throbbing heat.

Your tummy tumbles at the prospects of what’s to come. Pulling back from Mingyu’s hot lips, you get to see him in a way you never thought you’d get to again—cheeks flushed, eyes fluttered shutted, and swollen lips partially open and panting for breath. His dark wisps of hair come down over his forehead, sticking to the thin layer of sweat that coats his tan skin.

Slowly Mingyu begins to open high eyes, laughing lightly. The sound makes you want to grin into eternity. Gently, he cups your face and pulls you in for a kiss, this one much softer, much lighter than the ones before.

Mingyu kisses you with what—dare you say it—care. He kisses you with care, he holds your chin as if it were made of glass, he brushes his tongue against yours in a way that tells you he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here and—

The thoughts have you reeling. Has being sexless for the past few months made you this vulnerable? you think to yourself in a passing moment; has the lack of male physical contact been this detrimental to your ability to have sex without feelings?

The moment passes, and you choose to push your thoughts to the back of your mind, pushing your lips harder into Mingyu’s to fuel a more fiery, more aggressive kiss. He groans into it, and the burning heat you feel every time you grind down on it makes it impossible for you to wait longer.

Slowly, you pull away from him and scoot down the bed between his legs. For a moment, Mingyu is still in a daze, eyes half open as he still imagines the feeling of his lips on yours. You inch down further, bringing your hands closer and closer to the waistband of his jeans.

Right as your fingers brush over the little bit of skin that peeks between his shirt and his belt, Mingyu lets out a soft gasp. Looking up at him, you’re met with the sight of his blown out eyes as he reaches down to hold your face again.

“I-I know I said you gotta repay me, but you know, you don’t really have to—not like this at least. I mean you can, but not if you don—” Mingyu rambles for a moment, and you almost want to use that god-forsaken word. Cute.

“Hey,” you say quietly, pressing your index finger to his lip. “Lemme do this—I want to.” You feel him relax under you, the finger that was on his lips slowly tracing down his jaw and then his neck, inching to his collar and—

Oh, he’s already gotten started on unbuttoning his shirt. You almost forget to get back at it, with the way you’re staring him down right now. Mingyu chuckles a little, watching the way your eyes dilate as you gaze over him.

“Like what you see?” He says it in a way like he knows what he’s doing to you. Like he knows you’ve got a puddle between the crest of your thighs.

You’re not shameful enough to stop yourself from grinning and nodding, “I do.”

Mingyu’s eyes flame with that hunger you’ve seen before. He likes the way you’re doing this. “You’re the fuckin’ devil aren’t you?” he coos, as you start to unbuckle his belt, pulling down the waistband of his pants. He lifts his hips as you pull them further down, patiently waiting for your response.

“The devil … you must think red suits me then,” you say it like a question. The way you smile tells Mingyu you’ve got something hidden up your sleeve. While he shrugs off his unbuttoned shirt, you sit nestled between his legs still fully clothed.

Mingyu watches you as you tug at the hem of your shirt before gently pulling it over your head, revealing a deep red lacy bra underneath.

“Speak of the devil herself,” Mingyu breathes out with a small smile, continuing to watch as you shimmy off your bottoms and reveal matching red panties. You admit: it’s doing a lot for a first boba date, but you can’t help but think it fits the scene perfectly.

Mingyu leans forward, pressing kissing on the bare skin of your chest as you play with the waistband of his briefs before finally pushing them down to reveal his length. Looking down, it’s long and it’s pretty and it’s thick, with veins pushing up against the sides.

With a soft gasp, you pull away from Mingyu and slowly settle yourself lower in the bed so that you’re laying stomach side down right in between his legs. Mingyu watches you from his view above; he watches the ways your eyes slowly gaze over his dick, fingers inching toward it before finally wrapping around the base.

He nearly gasps when you do—and Kim Mingyu is no virgin—but something about the warmth in your fingertips and the softness in your touch has him feeling electric. So when you bring your tongue to his shiny tip and lap, he straight up moans.

The sound alone has you opening your mouth wider, taking him fully into your mouth and down. Immediately, Mingyu’s hands shoot to your head, scooping up bundles of your hair and holding it behind your head. Slowly, you find yourself in a pattern of moving your head up and down, except there’s just one problem.

Mingyu is far too big and he’s far too gentle—you can’t fit enough of him in your mouth and he’s not exactly pushing you down so you think it’s time to take some action.

So as gently as you can, you begin to hollow out your cheeks and push yourself further down his length, eyes shutting when he hits the back of your throat. At once, you hear a loud groan and if you could move your lips right now, you’d be grinning.

And so you do it again. You pull your head back up and just as your lips are about to leave his tip you come back down and push as far as you can go, each time going a bit further down than the last. You do it a few more times before your jaw begins to ache for a break, and you pull yourself off of him completely.

You’re met with Mingyu’s dazed eyes as you look up. “You’re crazy,” he pants, fingers still tangled in your hair. “Holy fuck, you’re crazy.”

You grin up at him. “Sorry,” you say cheekily, watching as he throws his head back, taking deep breaths of air. His firm chest rises up and down heavily, and the heat between your legs grows at the realization that you’re the one to have him like this.

“Don’t apologize—shit—that was so—d-do that again,” he says, eyes darkening when he looks back down at you. His hands gingerly wipe some tears from your cheeks, going back up to hold your hair all the way back again. “That was so fucking hot.”

Your stomach churns as you part your lips again, wrapping them around his tip which now adorns a pretty stream of pre. He groans again when you envelop him in your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks as you start to move down again.

To be honest, you’re not usually this good at giving head, but with Mingyu, he’s got this—oh, there it is—the way your name rolls of his lips in a deep, guttural tone that has you gushing in your panties, and then you can’t help but press down more.

So you do it again, and again, until Mingyu’s practically thrusting his hips up as you take him into your mouth, his handsome face glistening with sweat from restraining himself. You don’t know how much time goes by but at some point you feel a tug; you look up and it’s Mingyu’s hands guiding your head off of him and pulling you into his mouth.

He kisses you messily, tongues licking into each others’ mouths as you shift so that you’re back at straddling him. With Mingyu fully naked, your bare stomach presses against his skin when his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close.

Instinctively, your arms wrap around Mingyu’s neck as you continue to kiss into him, bodies melting into one. You ease back to your previous movement of grinding into him, but with such little fabric between the two of you this time, it’s getting harder and harder to wait.

It doesn’t take long for his hand to make its way to your panties, rubbing your heat over the soaked fabric for a moment before lifting it and pushing it to the side.

Mingyu pulls away now, watching your face slowly contort into expressions of pleasure as he runs his fingers up and down between your sopping hole and clit.

“Mingyu,” you manage to whimper through heavy breaths.

“Yeah baby?” The nickname itself nearly has your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He probably doesn’t have a clue about what he does to you.

“Can’t wait,” you tell him quickly, hands already grabbing for his glistening length. Mingyu, a little startled by your forwardness, falters back into the headboard a bit, relaxing for hardly a second before he feels your fingers guiding his dick toward your hole.

He thought he’d sit there and finger you first—give you a good eating out because if anything, Mingyu’s always really wanted a taste of you first—but something about the way you look at him with these eyes that look like you’d give him the world and more has him bending to your needy wishes/

So, when his tip is finally at your entrance, you both moan loudly. Your fingers make your way up to Mingyu’s neck, playing with the soft and short hairs that sit at the nape of his neck. “Oh,” you say in a sigh when his hips gently push you down to envelope his tip.

Even having him in your mouth couldn’t prepare you for taking Mingyu’s length inside of you. His tip, thick and bulbous, presses into you, and inch by inch you begin to let out small gasps.

“You’re—holy shit, you’re so big, M’ngyu,” you whimper.

You say it so cutely, Mingyu can’t help but groan under his breath. “Yeah?” he manages out, trying to hide the extent to which you’ve got him in a daze. “Can’t take it?” he coos.

Mingyu is, at the very least, extremely pleased when you—you, in your lustful, hazy state—still manage to cock an eyebrow at him and retort, “Of course I can.”

“Atta girl,” Mingyu murmurs, smiling with pride as he reaches for hips. Lowering your body over his dick, he watches you carefully while you continue to take him all in.

The way your chest heaves up and down in short breaths as you try to control yourself. The way your eyebrows pinch together every few seconds when you let out a small moan. The way your stomach twitches and turns when he brushes a finger over your clit.

You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful to Mingyu, he doesn’t think anyone can comprehend all the ways he wants to fuck you right now. Well, that is, anyone but you, because as soon as your bottom is pressed against Mingyu’s legs and you’ve gone as far down as you can go, you bring yourself back up and grind back down on his dick.

“Fuck, do that again,” Mingyu demands, but it comes out as nothing more than a pleading gasp as you both get used to the feeling of each other—it’s overwhelming, yet in the best way possible. “You’re so damn hot,” he murmurs when you repeat the motion, pressing wet kisses into your neck.

Each roll of your hips is punctuated with a quiet moan from your lips, the two of your lips meeting every few moments in a fiery but fleeting kiss. Mingyu fills you up so deeply, in a way that leaves you wanting more and more.

Your body is on fire and you can’t seem to stop now. It’s just—Mingyu’s got his dick pressing all the spots inside of you that have you biting down on your bottom lip, that have you digging your fingers into the hard muscle of his shoulder, that have you moaning into his mouth.

But even your own body has limits, because while the feeling of you bouncing back down on his length every time is nothing short of euphoric, your legs only have so much strength. Gradually, your legs begin to get sore.

Within seconds Mingyu notices the falter in your movements, and suddenly his hands are under your thighs, picking you up, and flipping you onto your back. Your back is now against the mattress, head resting on a soft pillow as Mingyu readjusts above you.

“Getting tired?” Mingyu chuckles, as he reaches down for his dick, aligning it at your entrance once more. A needy whine escapes your throat when he finally is inside of you again, his length filling up what felt far too empty in those passing moments before.

“Didn’t—ah! D-Didn’t take you as the type to make the girl do a-all the work,” you bite back.

Mingyu cocks his eyebrow at you, and you almost want to grin at the way his eyes darken at your challenging comment. “You got a bad bad mouth, huh? Let’s see if you can talk much anymore soon.” You open your mouth to respond, but at the last moment, Mingyu pushes that last bit of his length inside of you, effectively rendering you speechless as you see stars and try to quiet the rush in your ears. Mingyu just laughs. “Didn’t think so.”

He pauses for a few seconds inside of you, and you take this chance to admire him in a way you didn’t get to before. His skin is flushed all over, pink blooming over his cheeks as he swipes a tongue over his lips. As your gaze travels down, you catch sight of his abs once again, and you can’t help but grin at just the idea of getting to see him like this.

Now, Mingyu starts out with his first thrust. It’s deep, and unforgiving might you add. You shriek loudly, not expecting to fill you up even more than before, yet somehow it’s both equally overwhelming and infinitely more euphoric.

Based on the volume of your response to the first, he follows with another thrust, this one nearly as moving. Your responses mimic the last, and soon, Mingyu enjoys the pleasure of seeing you become a moaning mess beneath him.

So there Mingyu is, fucking the daylights out of you, one his palm cupping your cheek. And now here he goes, jotting his thumb out and pushing against your lips. It doesn’t even take a second for you to part your lips, his thumb slipping inside.

“Good fucking girl,” he grunts under his breath where you roll your tongue over the pad of his finger tip. Faintly, Mingyu recalls the way you swiped your tongue over his dick and there he goes with a particularly hard thrust at the thought.

Your legs are folded up completely, thighs pressing into your chest deeply every time Mingyu pounds into you. A moan stifles up one after another, muffled by his thumb in your mouth, but somehow not getting any quieter.

It’s around this point when Mingyu starts to feel it, the way you squirm a bit more after each deep, pointed thrust. The way your mouth starts to widen more and more, moans getting louder by the moment. The way you’re tightening around him—and there goes his queue.

His thumb in your mouth is pulled out and quickly moved down your stomach between your legs and right on your clit. That’s when you move from moaning to downright whimpering—whining—into Mingyu’s shoulders.

Your toes begin to tighten as he continues to slam into you, every muscle in your body beginning to go limp as you rake your fingers into his back, trying to hold on to something to ground you.

“I know baby,” Mingyu moans, his hands holding onto your hips with such a tightness you know you’ll be left with bruises.

“I’m s’close,” you manage to gasp out, hips meekly pushing up as well to meet Mingyu’s half way. You’re trying your best to keep to it together but fuck, it all feels so good—his skin is so hot but somehow your core feels even hotter.

You feel tears of pleasure roll down your cheeks when you finally feel it—Mingyu’s length so deep inside of you, pressing up against your walls in all the right places—and so you crash.

Moaning and whimpering and writhing beneath him, you cry out when you finish, “Mingyu, fuck! I’m—’m coming.”

To which Mingyu gently kisses your neck while roughly pounding into you harder, now trying to meet his own end in deep fervor. “I know baby, I know jus’—fuck,” he nearly cuts himself off with his own moan when he feels your tight pussy squeeze around him. “Just’ hold on for me a little longer s—oh.”

You’ve got some spell on him. That’s got to be it. A damn spell has got to be the reason Mingyu’s finding himself way quicker than he’s ever before.

You’re brain is a bit too fucked to register the beautiful mix of shock and pleasure that crosses over Mingyu’s face when he begins to paint your soft walls white. “Fuck,” Mingyu groans loudly, pressing his dick so deep into you that you think you’d be able to feel it through your belly.

You squeal softly at the feeling—your pussy is now a hot, sopping, sensitive mess, and Mingyu’s cock is just far too long and far too fat for you to handle. However, the feeling of his seed fill you up has a warmth that overtakes the slight feeling of discomfort.

The air in his room begins to grow quiet and still as Mingyu finally slips his softening length out of you. You still lay with your back against the sheets, Mingyu pulling himself off without a word and flopping down on the bed next to you.

This silence is new.

It’s not uncomfortable, but there still seems to be some unspoken words that fill the space between you and Mingyu. Only the sound of your heavy breaths fills the room, the erratic patterns steadily starting to even out.

“Was that enough repayment for you?” you finally ask casually, breaking the silence. Mingyu chuckles softly.

“It was … pretty nice, I guess,” he responds, pushing himself up into a sitting position to fix the covers more comfortably over the both of you.

You narrow your eyebrows up at him. “Pretty nice? I’m gonna kill you!”

This time Mingyu laughs. “What do you want me to say? Yeah, it was fucking amazing?”

You try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. “Well, would that be the truth?” you challenge him, a smirk making its way onto your lips.

“Of course it would be,” Mingyu scoffs—something about his shameless admission of praise has your cheeks burning and eyes lighting up. “But if I say that, then it means you’ve fully repaid me, and that means that we don’t have to do this again.”

“Ah I get it, so you’re lying to me so you can fuck me again,” you reply. Mingyu rolls his eyes at you.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he pauses, and looks like he’s contemplating something before continuing. “But I mean, you can totally say no. Because with the way you’re talking, it seems like you aren’t interested so why don’t I save you the pain of having to reject me and—” As he turns away to grab something from his night stand, you cut him off.

“Hey, I didn’t say that!” you exclaim once you catch where he’s going. You say it so brazenly it startles Mingyu a little, and he turns around to face you.

Your eyes meet and oh—there it is again. That feeling in your stomach, a warm knot that tumbles around. You’re not sure what it means. You’re not sure what this means—this being you laying in Mingyu’s bed.

Something in the way Mingyu looks at you tells you you’re not going to have an answer for a while.

Something in the way Mingyu smiles at you tells you that you’re at least going to have some fun trying to find out.

a/n: hopeeeee u guys liked it! btw reader is a self insert so if u don't like her GET AWWWT. anywho i was rly nervous about posting this but here we go ... wait can u guys believe it took me literally 3 months to write this smut. i had the entire fic + more follow up stuff but all i had to write was this chunk of smut in the middle and i didn't do it literally just because i didn't want to. i don't like writing smut in full lenth fics anymore (ramble time. pls ignore me) because i have to write the entire scene. like i enjoy smut drabbles because it's fun i get to experiment but unless it's a full length fic related to a sex relate concept then it's fun (aka crybaby). i personally don't really enjoy most of the other smuts i write for things like this fic + flight of the stars, etc, because it's just the same kind of smut scene rewritten in different ways. i feel i'm not even doing it in different ways atp—I FEEL I AM LITERALLY WRITING THE SAME SCENES I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE. how many different ways can one write "oh my god that feels so good" like sorry. okay i'm done with my rant and for clarity i actually do not care this much. i just think it's funny but i get it because i like little smuts like this when i read it's just a pain to write because at some point it's hard to get creative and i feel like i'm being a lazy writer :/ i write all this and complain and blah blah but i do really enjoy it like OK yeah i spent 3 months writing this smut but it ended up being way longer than i anticipated so ummm whose fault is that?! (everyone look away from tumblr user toruru) ok sorry if u stayed til the end of this author's note actually please let me know and i will be sending u virtual kisses. anywhp pls feel free to leave comments/reblogs they mean the absolute world to me

[toruro]

hii can i ask where's the part two of kmg fic 'angel'? thanks 🫶

i deleted it because i plagiarized my own smut scene from angel and inserted it into another mingyu fic i wrote bc i was lazy

[toruro]

currently working on my gyu fic but have felt a sudden pang of sadness. how does one feel with the 6+ month post break up wave of sadness and guilt

[toruro]

hi lovely! i finished your entire masterlist today and i wanted to drop by and say it was all so so wonderful! You are a fantastic writer and i wanted to give love to you for your work xx I hope you have an amazing day ❤️

thank u so much!! this literally made my day ur so sweet :3

[toruro]

Haii so I just wanted to say, as a carat whose bias is minghao, there are a shortage of hao fics on this site but you single handedly write such flawless minghao fics that I'm in love with you 😭♥️

omgggg <3 yesssss me love minghao me write minghao me minghao. me glad u enjoy

[toruro]

new linkedin profile who dis

[toruro]

Good Roommates Don't (m)

for @ddeonghwa-s secret cupid collab i recieved you @haologram!

Pairing: roommate! Minghao x barista!afab!reader Word count: 14.1k rating: R Summary: Xu Minghao had been the most ethereal being you've ever laid your eyes on to the point being unable of functioning like a normal person, but now you're roommates. Only time will tell when you lose your mind keeping your hands to yourself, so there needed to be a list of things you don't do if you wanted to be a good roommate. tags: meet-ugly, strangers to roommates to lovers, college au, barista au, down bad!reader, mentions of band, brief bdsm, mc fell first he fell harder, cum swapping, spitting, oral (giving and receiving), face riding, unprotected sex author note: thank you @lovetaroandtaemin and @gyubakeries beta-reading this with me. after writing towtsyfdtotbycf (holy shit) i was in a little bit of a slump and had several and i mean SEVERAL versions of this and for months racked my brain how i wanted to do this. Alta, i care for you deeply and we've gotten close in the last year or so, so i really wanted to write something that would amuse you and that you'd enjoy. and if you hate it you can use it as leverage to berate me on discord lol. but please, my valentine, enjoy my gift to you. happy Valentines day Alta (and tell me was i really not that slick) <3

When you first met Minghao, you almost killed him trying to save his life. At least, that's what you thought you were doing.

All you had to do was bear a normal shift at the Coffee Shop, attempt a semblance of a smile for the oncoming customers, and clock out at your normal hour, but the universe couldn’t even give you that. Instead, they sent you the hottest guy imaginable, along with the swiftness of a gazelle, the strength of a gorilla, and the intuition of a garden gnome. That day just confirmed that some things were better left alone.

A few things were already going wrong that day. For one, your alarm didn't go off. The alarm being your mom, who usually kicked you out of bed first thing at 9 am, since she had a doctor’s appointment. Fair enough. The strings of fate got you there. All the more reason why moving out seemed like a distant dream rather than a close reality. Were you really capable of being a functioning adult? 

Then there was the bus and having to shell out twenty bucks for a Lyft when the next scheduled bus was reported to have broken down and was no longer an option. That twenty bucks could’ve been your meal for the next week, but no, being fiscally responsible was a circus act, and you were the clown being pied in the face repeatedly. As if you weren’t already putting on a face and juggling multiple things enough on a daily basis, today was no different. 

And then, you were late to work—which again, was nothing new—but you were hoping that Nayeon, who was scheduled as the shift manager, she’d let you off with a warning. Yet, somehow, that went wrong as well, seeing that the shittier manager on your shift, Manager Fi, was present instead. And, by the look in the old man's eyes, he wasn’t happy about it either, especially considering he assigned you bathroom duty for the end of your shift to make up for your tardiness. He never liked you since you started. Then again, he didn’t like anybody, and vice versa.

This morning was bad omen after bad omen.

Leading up to finally meeting Minghao—tall, scorchingly hot Minghao, , with lips that looked soft as clouds. You hadn’t seen him around before until today, and perhaps it should’ve stayed that way, because you couldn’t see yourself facing him ever again.

He walked in with his large group of friends, all almost nearly as charming as him with a handful of faces that you’ve seen once or twice, but none that stood quite out like his. He had the kind of face that made you want to paint murals, write ballads, or stare long enough to linger too long over the same spot you were cleaning on the counter, windshield wiping until the wet streaks you wiped off devolved to discoloration and damaged the countertop’s cheap sealant. Eventually, you averted your gaze to conceal your flushed cheeks—turning away in clear embarrassment, thinking about how much of a fucking creep you probably looked overtly gawking at him—but you’d soon realized that was the least of your worries. You’d soon wish it ended with you looking like a creep.

The next moment you lifted your eyes towards him again, you found him in a compromising position, one that had you thinking—and that was your first mistake. His face twisted with discomfort, and he gasped as he covered his mouth. A million thoughts raced through your mind, considering all the possible reasons for his distress, and one screamed the loudest above all, setting off alarm bells. So you—being meddling and troublesome you—acted on instinct.

Hopping over the counter, you raced towards him, pulled him off the booth which he was luckily on the edge of, and immediately attempted the Heimlich. Finally, your CPR certification could be put to use. You embraced him from behind, putting pressure on his ribcage as you launched and thrust yourself against him, forcing whatever was lodged in his throat out of his body.

“I’ve got you!” you exclaimed heroically.

You put in as much strength as you could muster, truly hoping to save a life today, thinking out of all things that have gone wrong today, at least this would be one thing you’ve done right. You could feel your ancestors looking down on you to witness a proud moment in your otherwise boring and mundane life. 

After several rough collisions with his body, he eventually spat something chewed up and unsightly onto the booth’s table, drawing the attention of several onlookers if your boisterous shouting hadn’t already. His friends were quick to look away, wincing in disgust while the cute boy doubled over in pain, holding himself by the ribs as you ran your eyes over at him in concern.

“Are you alright, sir? That must’ve been terrifying to suffocate on something so suddenly.”

He then finally lifted his head. His cheeks were flushed as anguish took over his features. “I wasn’t choking,” He rasped.

“...Come again?”

“Oh my god!” A third-party witness stood up dramatically from their seat. “This barista just saved this young man’s life!”

Suddenly, you were punished with attention, cheers specifically. All except the people who sat at the cute boy’s table clapped for you—or, rather at you now—and gave you standing ovations for your grand heroic act, when in fact, it wasn’t heroic at all. Meanwhile, you attempted to settle them down, flapping your hands dismissively and growing hot all over. You looked over the man you so-called saved as he strained to sit back in his seat, being tended by the friends he came with.

“Dude, you okay?”

“Shit, that looked like it hurt.”

“You probably shouldn't have been drinking it that fast, Minghao.”

It turned out you had severely miscalculated the situation. What appeared to be choking, prompting you to improperly administer a rough but appropriate Heimlich maneuver, was simply a mildly exaggerated reaction to hot coffee followed by a muffin to alleviate his burnt taste buds. You, of course, profusely apologized, as if you weren’t embarrassed enough for staring at him the whole time working your entire shift at the coffee shop because he was the most breathtakingly stunning person you’ve ever seen in your life. You might’ve just about broken his ribs and made his life flash before his eyes by abruptly slamming your body against him repeatedly, and not in the fun way.

Rather than an apartment, you were in desperate need of a hole deep enough to lead you to the core of the Earth to hide you from everyone else on the crust, ideally with cheap rent and good air ventilation. 

You bowed your head in humiliation, unable to meet any of their eyes, especially with the possibility of them remembering your face with a lawsuit waiting to happen. “I can’t believe that happened, I am so sorry. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, please let me know.”

“It’s okay, really, but I think we’ve had enough excitement for today if you don’t mind.” 

The attractive stranger—or Minghao, as you’ve learned from his friends who immediately rushed to him in concern—shook his hand in the air reassuringly. “Just, no more of that, alright? Make sure someone’s actually choking before trying to save them.”

“Right, please have a wonderful rest of your day,” you said, before returning to your station and disappearing behind the breakroom, screaming into your cubby and avoiding human interaction for as long as you could.

That scene replayed in your mind over and over like a recurring nightmare, burning the image of his beautiful face with such disdain for all eternity, while his name etched into your brain in permanent ink, embedded in every wrinkle in your brain. Minghao. A devastatingly beautiful name for a devastatingly beautiful owner.

Ugh. Get a fucking grip.

You just needed to get through the rest of the day. It would just be a couple more hours until your shift ended, and then you’d leave on the dot. It’d be just in time to make your appointment to meet your new potential roommate. Hopefully, it would be the silver lining of today’s catastrophic mess.

You met on electronic class forums while attending the same Cultural Studies course and somehow ended up relying on each other for notes. By your chat history, you seemed to have a lot in common—with the exception of his preference for tea over artisanal coffee—and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t get giddy seeing the green circle next to his username. Recently, he had just talked about moving into town after pondering the idea for so long, and as fate may have it, you’ve been looking for your own place to stay. You figured he seemed nice enough, and he even offered a reasonable quote on rent. It wouldn’t hurt to take a look. You just hoped he was as friendly in real life as he was online—with the day you had, you needed a win.

And, that win started with Chinese food, his choice, and it was a good one. You hadn’t been at this location before, taking note of the old-fashioned aesthetic touched by the harshness of modern neon signs that lit even the darkest of hallways. You were now thinking you ought to come more often as the heavenly notes of soy, ginger, and whatever concoction bled through the kitchen curtains and wafted through your nostrils the moment you passed through the double doors. Immediately, you were greeted by the host, visibly tired and overworked, with dark circles under his eyes, before he led you to a table in the center of the restaurant. You settled your nerves with a glass of water, trying to let the horrific events from today fade to as black as the soy sauce loitering on your table, waiting for a plate of dumplings to accompany them.

Funny how you could still have an appetite after everything that happened.

It wasn’t too long after you heard the same doors you walked through open, setting off the familiar sound of its wind chimes. You peered behind you, catching a glimpse of the new arrival, and immediately spun back in your seat, startled by the face that passed through your eyes. Trepidation brewed within you as the unsolicited visitor had your stomach in knots. 

You couldn’t take another incident tonight. 

You slunk into your seat, burying your chin in your shirt, hoping you’d somehow camouflage into your seat, facing away from the new arrival. Meanwhile, his eyes skimmed the room, walking in with purpose without guidance and greeting the employees as if he were right at home. Fortunately, he had yet to notice your presence as you slinked out of view the moment he passed by you to sit at the bar, while you made way into a booth in the dark corner of the restaurant, cursing the fates for their cruel games once again. You just had hoped that your new roommate would hurry it up already so you could get out of here before you were discovered.

And after about ten minutes, it felt as if all hope was lost. There was no sign of them and you were wondering if you had been stood up. Amid your anticipation, you were forced to pay attention to the person you were avoiding, seeing his patience wear thin with the tap of his foot as he sipped the last of his iced tea. Not a moment too soon, you saw him pluck his phone out from his pocket, fingers skittering over the screen before bringing it to his ear and scanning the restaurant’s floor plan. In the same instant, your phone went off,  blaring your cursed ringtone, ‘Pocketful of Sunshine’, and the realization—along with the panic—quickly set in. 

Alerted by the noise, his head whipped up from his screen. His eyebrows rose in shock, not all expecting the outcome that arose, and he dropped to his feet and quickly darted toward the sound that you—for the life of you—could not turn off fast enough. His footsteps matched the rate of your heart pounding in your chest, growing louder and closer until he found the source and located you cowering in the corner.

You lifted your head to lock eyes for the first time since this morning just as you finally managed to silence the ringtone and gave him an awkward laugh, waving with your phone in hand. Taking a nervous gulp, you awaited his disappointment, expecting him to make his quick exit after evaluating in the two seconds of your meeting that this arrangement would not work out because you were a deranged psycho with a savior complex. To your pleasant surprise, that didn't happen. Instead, you were met with a gentle smile and a glint of curiosity in his eyes. “There you are.”

You forced a sheepish chuckle. “Here I am, ha.”

Minghao softly chuckled before tucking his phone in his back pocket. “And to think just this morning you ‘saved my life.’”

You shut your eyes tightly, hands pressing together as if begging for forgiveness. “Again I am so, so sorry for that. It did look like you were choking.”

He shook his head reassuringly. “So you’ve said. I’m Minghao, or PalE8. Nice to meet you, CafeMixr0.”

“Is it…nice to meet me?” You asked dubiously.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

You blinked incredulously. “Well, for several reasons.”

He shrugged before entering the booth and leaving a healthy distance to sit just across from you. “Can’t think of any. Have you ordered anything yet?”

You shook your head, befuddled by his nonchalance, waiting to see the catch, if there was any.

“Good thing I know everything worth ordering.” His hand shot up before grabbing the attention of a server to get his order taken.

You weren't sure where the night was going. All you knew was the boy that you almost killed this morning was sitting across from you looking as breathtaking as he did this morning, even while slurping up his stir fry that was glossed with a sheen of chilli oil and swelling up his already full lips. Rather than a roommate meetup—if that was still the case—it felt like a date, a date you were exceedingly ill-prepared for.

Suddenly, you could feel the sweat on the back of your knees, feeling the strong urge to sniff the clothes on your back, unsure when the last time you did a fresh load of laundry and if your current attire was included in that load at all. Not to mention that bathroom duty that was forced upon you, which no doubt seeped into your clothes. You were better off naked, but then that would be an entire different kind of meeting, wouldn”t it?

“You’re okay, right?” You asked, trying to distract yourself from your spiraling thoughts as you barely finished your portion of chow mein—which was absolutely heavenly, to put it lightly.

He let out a light chuckle before kindly reassuring you. “How many times are you going to ask me? You and everyone from this morning. I’m fine, able-bodied and everything.” 

“I just felt really bad. You looked really hurt.”

He couldn’t suppress his grin, finding your cautiousness amusing, but it only added to your unease. “I was hurt. You’re really, really strong.”

You winced. “Again. I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s a quality of a good roommate.” He finished the last bit of his meal before dropping a couple of bills without asking for the tab. “Come on. I’ve got to show you the apartment.”

You raised an eyebrow while sipping your warm tea before tapping your mouth with a napkin. “You still want to room with me? After this morning?”

“There’s not a lot of good options for roommates in the city, and what are the odds that you’ll try to kill me twice?”

He had a fair point, and it wasn’t like you had options lining up either. You just had to hope he didn’t regret taking this chance on you.

A big reason why you wanted to move out was to learn to be on your own, but in addition to that, the city had pretty much everything to offer. The city had it all, from job opportunities to the right people to meet, and the apartment Minghao led you to was the center of the entirety of it. High above the town square, in a room several floors up, there was a nook that had a view through a large window overlooking everything within about a two-mile radius. If there was anything nice to say about the city, it definitely looked better from where you were standing. The street lights illuminated streets, neon signs brought the local businesses to life, and people that ran the night life lived it to the fullest in the flashiest clothes imaginable. You had never seen your city like this before.

Meanwhile, the apartment itself was gorgeous and already fully furnished with stylish furniture and greenery that touched the kitchen and living room. It was graced with Minghao’s taste in art and an eccentric—but tasteful—color palette of warm browns, olive greens, and rustic oranges. It felt like walking into Minghao’s mind, seeing into his world, and you were given the opportunity of it being yours, being part of his world. He was generous enough to even let you pass through the front door.

“So?” he asked, gauging your interest, watching as you looked down at the city from the large window nook in awe.

You softly scoffed, unable to take your eyes off the beautiful view calling to you like a siren at sea.  “Um, I’m sorry, you had trouble finding a roommate, how?”

He crossed his arms, admiring the sight with you, glancing at you through his peripheral vision and grinning when he saw the childlike sparkle in your eyes. “I’m new to the city, and everyone I know here has their own living arrangements. I didn’t want to go too far in looking for a new roommate. I thought we'd work well together, since we’re based in the same city now and have a lot in common based on our conversations.”

“I almost killed you this morning,” You’ve pointed out to…death.

“Although you’re…impulsive and unpredictable, I’ve seen worse. I think I’ll manage.” He splayed his hand in front of you, gesturing for a shake to officially seal the deal. “What do you say? Do you still want to be roommates?”

Everything about this screamed it was a bad idea. Putting aside the fact that you nearly killed the man, you could barely stand in the presence of him without your mind drifting to dark waters. It didn’t take rocket science to understand that putting you in that same living quarters with Minghao meant you might have to live every day together with your hands tied behind your back and thighs taped shut. You’ve surprised yourself with how you’ve managed to keep your composure sharing the same air—the air you were even thinking of savoring as you contemplated this offer.

You were down-righteously-bad. You weren’t a fit roommate for Minghao in the slightest.

Yet, you took his hand, letting his cool palm clash with your warmth as his digits wrapped around you in a tight squeeze before shaking. “Let’s do it.”

And that marked the start of a new chapter of your life, unraveling the challenge of being Xu Minghao’s roommate. Only, he wasn’t the challenge. He was a breath of fresh autumn air. He was kind beyond words and accommodating in every step of your move. You were already familiar with his gentle and patient nature, as he had frequently taken the time to clarify complex ideas for class, and you’ve learned about the majority of his interests prior from your online discussions, but seeing PalE8’s traits in person—embodied in Minghao—was bizarre. You realized he was still a stranger after all. A stranger that claimed your breath with a single bat of his eyes and turned your stomach inside out worse than a bad case of food poisoning, no less.

Meanwhile, the neighbors knew him by name, were endeared by his presence, and found him to be a delightful conversationalist as well as a helping hand when the situation called for it. He was better than your friendly neighborhood spiderman. He was your kind, considerate, intricately woven, beautifully complex, and knees-bucklingly handsome Minghao. 

You weren’t usually a sexual deviant, at least not to this extent, but Minghao brought something out of you that you hadn’t felt for another person. However, if you were going to live together, that had to change. This crush was going to have to dwindle out of existence if you wanted to live together—emphasis on you—in peace.

So, that’s when you decided to make a list of rules that only you had to follow. Sure, you were an adult, and the thought of giving yourself rules to keep your hands to yourself was juvenile and stupid, but for the sake of your sanity, you were looking for anything that might work. That’s when you decided to make a list of things “good roommates don’t do”, thinking it would be shorter and easier to sum up than a long redundant list of things good roommates would do, and the first thing to top the list was easy.

Good roommates don’t almost kill each other (again).

That seemed easy enough to remember, considering the first time was traumatic enough, and fortunately, it didn’t take too much effort, considering you hardly saw each other despite living together. 

You ended up taking up more shifts at work, desperate enough to even join the catering team, to keep yourself busy and afford the new expense of rent, sacrificing a lot more of your free time. Meanwhile, Minghao’s work schedule was not only demanding, it was inconsistent. Working at a popular art gallery as an artist and attendant with frequent and erratic events to go to until late at night prompted your roommate to be seen home a lot less than expected. By the time either of you got home, there wouldn’t be so much of a hello or goodbye either, just the sounds of bodies falling on beds in either rooms as the day’s fatigue engulfed you until you succumbed to sleep.

You’d be lying if you said that you weren’t a little disappointed by these circumstances, but then again, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. Seeing him as little as you did meant less opportunity for you to screw things up around him, because it seemed to happen quite frequently when he was around. The few times you did cross paths, you still found ways to humiliate yourself.

“That’s mine.”

You held the toothbrush mid-scrub, bubbles foaming at the corners of your mouth, “Eh?”

“I think you’re using my toothbrush.”

Your cheeks immediately grew warm, and you shielded your face with the back of your hand. You spat into the sink and splashed water on your face to rid yourself of toothpaste residue before turning back to respond, his words jumbling in your head and bouncing from corner to corner to process them. “I-I don’t think so, this is the one I always use.”

He snickered, leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms, delectably dressed down in a gray tank top and sweatpants. The tempting taste of domesticity was sweet and permeated your tastebuds. “If that’s the case, we’ve been sharing, because I’ve always kept my brush there in the marble cup. Yours should be behind the medicine cabinet where you first left it.”

“What? You sure?” you pinned the used toothbrush on the sink’s porcelain before cracking open the medicine cabinet. “I’m pretty sure I took it—Ah!”

Startled by your findings, you dropped the toothbrush you gripped in your hand onto the floor when you’ve proven Minghao right as his toothbrush fell to the ground, now defiled with your oral bacteria and whatever was on the floor. The one day you take a shift later than usual because a member begged to take on more shifts, it blew up in your face. Seokmin, you will rue the day. “I-I’ll clean it!” You offered in a panicked tone.

He pushed himself off the threshold, waving his hand dismissively. “Don’t, please. It’s dirty; I can just replace it.”

Filled with guilt, you stepped aside to watch him pick up the dirty brush before disposing of it in the waste bin, “Sorry.”

“You say that a lot.” 

He pulled a fresh toothbrush out of a drawer and ripped it out of its packaging. It was notably identical to his previous and your current abandoned toothbrush, down to the bristles. “No worries. See,” he turned the new hygiene tool for inspection, “Clean.”

“Regret having me as a roommate yet?” you joked anxiously towards his reflection in the mirror.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Nothing I can’t manage. I lived in a boarding house full of guys that shared things without asking and it didn’t stop at toothbrushes. You’re the first roommate I’ve had that’s apologized. I say that’s an upgrade.”

He went on to brush his teeth with his newly obtained brush, christening the bristles with a squeeze of fluoride toothpaste before scrubbing against his pearly whites. He never ceased to amaze you with his aloof attitude towards the situation, as if he’d become accustomed to your chaos when he didn’t need to be at all. This situation, however, did indicate that you had another thing to be added to the list.

Good roommates don’t use each other’s toothbrush (even by accident)

In your room just before you left for work, you haphazardly added to the list you put on a crumpled piece of paper you kept in your wallet, ensuring you held your list close before setting the pen aside. Your heart pounded against your chest, thinking what that had meant all this time. How you’ve pretty much swapped saliva nearly every day with Minghao since moving in. The fact that it had gone on for so long repulsed you, but not anymore than the tiny part of yourself that maybe had always known and continued to do it. 

You held your digits to your lips, brushing the pads against the slit of your mouth, ragged breaths slowly leaving your lungs as you reached your enamel. Tension pooled in your stomach as the images that infiltrated your dreams were currently being conjured in your consciousness, while arousal chased down your legs as you clenched them together. Jolted back to reality, you wound your eyes shut, remembering how little he cared about the matter, how nonchalant he was when he found out. Meanwhile, here you were: perverse, losing your mind, and letting your imagination run wild like a hormonal teenager with her celebrity crush. 

Fuck. You needed a night out. You had been cooped up in the apartment for too goddamn long. The only other place you went was work, and knowing labor laws, they had to give you a night or two off for all the time you’d been putting in. There was a whole outside world, and you needed to buck up and take advantage of it. You had to do something other than fawn over your very hot roommate. Losing some spare change was worth the sanity. At least, you hoped it was.

“You going out tonight?”

Hearing a familiar tenor voice, your head lifted up from fixing the strap of your shoes to see him remove his coat and store it away in the front entrance closet. “Oh, you’re home,” you stated.

“Yeah. The gallery is closed tonight for a bigger show this weekend, so I have a couple days where I’m off earlier than usual.”

More time for Minghao to be at home. Great. 

You nodded, keeping your cool at the sight of his turtleneck hugging his lean and toned frame, making your heart work overtime in place of you this evening. “I see, but yeah. A couple of my friends and I are trying out that new place that just opened up in midtown.”

“Oh, let me know how that goes. Me and some friends had plans to go there too.”

“Okay.” You hurried your way to the door. “Don’t wait up.”

“Wait.”

Hand on the door knob, you cursed under your breath, squeezing your eyes shut as if bracing for impact before opening them, and turned around with an innocuous expression. “Yes?”

He held out his hand. “Your phone please.”

“Hmm? Why,” you asked, unlocking it before complying.

He smiled accepting it, before swiping his fingers off the screen. “I’m sending myself your location.”

And there your heart when pitter-patter again at thoughtful and kind hot as fuck Minghao. “I just told you where I’d be.”

“That could always change. Here,” he said, handing your phone back, beaming back at you warmly. “Just in case something happens, and you can always call me if you feel unsafe, okay?”

You gave a soft pout, cheeks growing warm at the thought of Minghao’s concern over you. It pleased you more than it should’ve. “Thanks. What are you gonna do tonight?”

He shrugged, taking a quick glance over his shoulder. “Maybe do some light reading and tea, paint if inspiration hits me.”

You gave a small grin, thinking just how Minghao those activities sound. “Sounds enlightening. Okay. I’ll be home soon.”

“Be safe.”

Even long after you’d left, you kept thinking about that interaction. How domestic it felt, how safe it made you feel, how seen you really were. It made you wonder if he was tracking you right now, looking at his phone, staring at the dot indicating where you were located. You wondered if he was thinking about you right now, because you were most certainly thinking about him.

Your mission of trying to forget Minghao by going out definitely was not working, but you took that as a sign to keep drinking. Your friends didn’t get to see you often with how much you worked, so they were just happy to see you were having a good time, not knowing you were trying to drown out the consuming thoughts of a certain man with a peculiar color scheme. 

They wouldn’t have known the way you let yourself get felt up by a stranger near the dance floor, standing so close you could smell the knock off cologne he was practically bathing in as his breath hung in the air against your neck. When it went nowhere, he eventually left, looking for prospects elsewhere, while you stuck to your mission, seeing it work at some point at night. Until it didn’t, but you didn’t remember because eventually it’d all fade to black.

Your eyes ripped open, waking up with the biggest headache, blinded by the natural rays of light bleeding through blinds—only your room didn’t have blinds. You specifically made sure to have blackout curtains because you couldn’t stand waking up to the sun, and that hasn’t ever changed. Grumbling irritatingly along the lines about who turned on the lights, you flipped on the other side of the bed with a half awoken daze, your blurry vision making out a lumpy figure underneath the covers.

You drew closer in confusion, trying to make sense of what you were seeing before taking in the fact the lump had a face as blinding as the sun you turned away from, startling you upon recognition. Your eyes shot open, wide awake now, and you nearly stumbled out of the mattress before his arms grabbed you, latching on you before you could fall off and safely secured you in his tucked embrace. 

“It’s a bit early for your charming antics, isn’t it?” Minghao chucked with closed eyes.

You blinked back at him, licking your lips anxiously. “How am I here right now?”

His eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the light. “You mean alive or in bed with me?”

Your cheeks grew hot. “B-both.”

“I wish I had an answer for the first question, but it seems your creator had more plans for you. As for your second concern, you seemed confused and tired, and I assumed you confused this bed for yours.”

“You should’ve kicked me out.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, rubbing his hands over your shoulders and sending a chill down your spine. “I didn’t want to wake you up.”

You let out a soft sigh, ridden with guilt. “I’d deserve it. I must’ve been annoying to deal with.”

He knitted his brows together, the corner of his lips softly turning down. “You really don’t like yourself.”

“No—well, maybe not lately. Maybe I’m just coming to the realization I’m not a good roommate.”

“No one is good at anything their first time.”

“You’re not denying it!”

“You’re a fine roommate.” Patting you on the back, he threw off the covers and pushed himself out of bed, leaving his room to trod toward the kitchen. You followed after curiously, like a duckling that imprinted on its mother, watching as he pulled out ingredients from the fridge’s shelves. “Anything you’re allergic to?” He asked over his shoulder.

“Nothing comes to mind.” You answered hesitantly.

“Good. The recipe is fairly easy anyway, it shouldn’t kill you.”

Your eyes widened and you quickly stood by his side as he set all the items down, he followed with gathering bowls and cookware. “You’re cooking for me?”

“Mmh-hmm.”

“You don’t have to.”

He turned his head slightly. “You have a headache, don’t you?”

“Yes but—”

“It’s just egg drop soup.” He patted your shoulder nodding his head over at the counter stool either of you would often have breakfast. “Sit. It’ll be done in a few minutes.”

You sat patiently by the counter, watching him chop and throw ingredients into a small pot, which filled your shared residence with a savory aroma. As soon as he was done, he presented the dish in front of you, garnishing it with fresh chopped scallions and parsley. He picked up a serving with a soup spoon and gently blew on the top before taking a quick sample and grinning at the result. Scooping with the same spoon, he held a serving towards you with proud eyes.

“Try it,” he urged.

As you accepted the offering, you tried not to think about how you were about to share yet another household item that would enter both your mouths and let the simple flavors fan out on your tongue, the warmth of soup dispersing throughout your body. You hummed in delight, already feeling it work its magic. “It’s delicious,” you said softly.

He grinned. “Feel better.”

“Thanks, Minghao.”

“No problem at all.” 

As you enjoyed your thoughtful breakfast, your roommate cleaned up his mess. He wiped down whatever residue was left behind before heading to his room and coming out properly dressed in brown slacks and muted green patterned sweater when you were just about done eating. “Heading to work now.”

“You had work?” You asked surprised, “Why did you waste time cooking? You could have left already.”

He softly scoffed heading to the door. “I spent—what, five or ten minutes? It’s fine. See you later.”

In the last 24 hours, Minghao managed to make sure you were safe by tracking your location, gave you a good night's rest by not disrupting your sleep, and made you breakfast right before work. Then there’s you, black out drunk with almost no memory of last night (probably good you didn’t), annoying your overly nice and overly hot roommate, hogging a bed that isn’t yours, and eating a home cooked meal that probably set back his schedule. You were the worst. All the more reason for a new addition to the list.

Good roommates don't sleep in their other roommate’s bed piss drunk (again)

It seemed that this list of “don’ts” was getting longer, probably because you’re an awful roommate, and if there was a reward, yours would already be at the front door. You really, really had to make an effort to do something about this arrangement. Now that some time had passed and these interactions were becoming more frequent, avoiding him seemed to be out of question unless you wanted to give him the wrong impression. You would just have to become a better roommate, and that started with making up for this morning.

In the following months together, to atone for the bed incident and good deeds that followed suit, you shared the occasional breakfast if you had time (that is if you didn’t burn anything), even sometimes grabbing dinner or a late meal in the small gap before or after work. While in the late hours, when both of you should’ve been sleeping, you’d have a cup of your favorite beverages. He’d have his brew of tea for the night while you’d have a mug of coffee, awake under the stars and basking in the night, watching from the nook that you both grew fond of that was in the direction of the moon when it’s at its peak.

Of all people to share these moments with, you couldn’t imagine it with anyone else but Minghao. He was the peace amongst the chaos, the quiet you came home to after dealing with the noisy world that helped you heal like nothing else. You liked that about him, and now you were liking him too much, to the point you thought of him every day. What it’d be like for him to hold you in his arms, letting his warmth envelop your entire being the way his voice naturally does with a simple “it’s okay.” 

You’d imagine how he’d look at you, how lovers do when they ache for one another so desperately they could feel it down to every atom. You’d thought of the words he’d say to you, the words he’d say to someone he’s madly, irrevocably besotted with, and every letter and word and sentence would be spoken poetry. He’d feel like love. You didn’t think it was possible for you to grow more attracted to him, but learning all these wonderful things he does and seeing up close and personal how beautiful inside and out he was, you were developing feelings and growing all these desires that you were ashamed to admit out loud.

And with that, you pulled out your list and a pen, jotting in a new item.

Good roommates don’t live in every waking moment staring at them or thinking about wanting to kiss them (no matter how hard it is)

You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve already broken that rule, but the least you could do was hold yourself accountable.

However, writing the rule didn't prevent future instances. Not from fantasizing, not from wet dreams, not from imagining a life together where you rid all your inhibitions and clothes and succumb to drowning in each other. Unlike every other rule that you’ve managed to avoid, this one was the outlier, flipping your world on its head and preoccupying every second of your thoughts with all things Xu Minghao. And what sucked was you were so guilt ridden, you couldn't even let yourself enjoy it. 

This was your roommate for crying out loud. Your wholesome, nice, forgiving, and tolerant roommate that went beyond what was necessary to make you feel at home and comfortable. Only time will tell when he’ll see through you and finally kick you to the curb.

“Let’s go out.”

Your head lifted up from your phone with eyes large as saucers. “What?”

“We haven't really done anything together,” he suggested, cleaning up the dishes of the dinner you both had just had.

It was one of the few nights that you were both free. The coffee shop had more than enough staff, and you’ve exhausted the hours put in, while the art gallery was planning a grand exhibition, so they needed all hands on deck for the mornings for a few weeks, but evenings would be free until the week of. That left you two a lot more free time than you knew what to do with.

“We see each other all the time,” you pointed out.

“At home. We don’t hang outside the apartment aside from that one dinner the first day we met, so let’s go out.”

You blinked, watching him grab his coat before you could argue as he waved you over, his smile luring you closer and putting you under his spell without you realizing until it was too late. “Uh, where? It’s 9PM.”

“Anywhere.”

For someone who had only arrived in town a couple months ago, Minghao knew a lot of the good spots in the city.  If it wasn’t food, it was book stores. If it wasn’t book stores, it was tea shops. He had a clear plan of the city, and without so much looking at a GPS, he could find his way around better than any native. And considering all the people he came with that day you met the coffee shop and all the staff at the Chinese restaurant, his index didn’t stop at places. He seemed more familiar with the people in your hometown than you were. Between you two, he looked like the real local.

Walking alongside your roommate, you turned to him curiously, “How do you know the city so well when you’ve moved in somewhat recently?”

He gave a soft smile looking into the distance, as if the gust of wind that passed through you both hit him with a wave of nostalgia. “I’ve been visiting for about four years. I only had the guts to become a resident recently.”

“Why’d it take you so long?”

“Student visa processes, paper work, all those things. Also, this city is great, and everyone I've met and have become close with is amazing, but home is just home. It’s all I’ve ever known.” He let out a deep sigh, taking in a deep breath before stretching out his arms and let fall back to his sides, turning slightly to you. “This country and town has become a second, though, some things even my home can’t beat.”

You mused at that, intrigued that he could find something appealing in here, then again you've been here all your life, yet Minghao showed you more you could ever imagine of it. “Like what?”

He simply smiled as their feet stopped at their final destination, a location they both aimlessly walked towards just a little off the center of the town. “I’ll tell you, as soon as we try this place out.” 

Just off the center of town was a bar you had never heard of with a theme you’d never thought to put together on your own and definitely a place you’d never think to walk into with your roommate you were trying to keep platonic feelings for.

“Hey sexy babies, welcome to the Love in Leather BDSM Bar, where all your sexy dreams can come true.”

Oh, my god.

You were petrified. Every wall was decorated with leather or latex, either on display in a box, on a vulgarly displayed mannequin, or on an employee that was dressed in next to nothing, leaving no room for imagination. You weren’t shy about the theme of BDSM—there was always a small part of you curious about it—but it’s not like you’ve talked extensively about it with Minghao. The same person you were trying really hard not to think about sleeping with, which was especially hard in a place that served ‘cum shots’ and with their special for tonight being ‘buttery nipples.’

Glancing back at your roommate to get his reaction, he seemed to be just as startled with his findings as you were, but perhaps not as terrified as he should be, taking you by the wrist and weaving through the crowd with a marveled expression. You were grateful for the loud music playing the explicit versions of songs you wouldn’t otherwise hear on the radio, drowning out the sound of your heavy breathing and the loud thrum of your heart. You just had hoped he couldn’t feel your pulse under his fingertips, unable to untangle from his grasp as you felt the heat of his touch spread out through your whole body. You were trapped in a web you didn’t want to leave and that was the hardest kind to be in.

Suddenly, lights poured on the center stage of the bar. The music then slowed down, transitioning to another song, and a scantily leather clad woman entered that would erupt cheers of all clients seated in the chairs in front of her, to which she sent an air kiss and wink. Following the crowd, both you and Minghao decided to cheer along with them, your sounds of encouragement drowned out in the more enthusiastic and obscenely creative audience members of the establishment. Walking across the stage, she made a show of it, caressing her body in ways that would have a man on his knees howling at the moon (which you swore you heard once or twice in there) as money was thrown strewn stage like confetti, enough to pay for a few nice dinners uptown. After garnering the excitement, she descended down the steps of the stage, walking into her live audience. Her eyes skimmed through the endless crowds of people, landing on and picking one lucky front row member—a young, spry man no older than twenty-five—and brought him on stage, ensuing roars and applause, indicating the start of the real show.

What happened next was something you did not want to get into detail, but in layman’s terms, that audience member was having the time of his life with the use of a flog while everyone watched. You could only make the distinction of excruciating pain and pleasurable pain by the very loud affirmations coming out of his mouth and bouncing off the board he face planted on, and the words that passed through one of your ears and never wanted to come out the other. You were slack jawed from the scene, not at all expecting this scene today, and holy shit, you could not feel more suffocated knowing Minghao was witnessing all of this beside you. 

He stared back at the scene, expression unreadable, but he seemed interested and unable to look away like it was an oncoming train wreck, looking as if he was stuck on the tracks and was making sense of what he was seeing. Suddenly, his eyes locked with yours and you watched as they softened with a glint of something behind them before you swiveled your head, feeling yourself burn from your face to your ears, clenching your free hand. This felt eerily like a date, but unlike the first dinner, this felt like a real one. An immense sexually charged one. 

You were surrounded by sex at all angles, being tested to the most extreme degree. Tonight, you’ve learned dominance wasn’t particularly your thing, but if it were Minghao, perhaps you wouldn’t have minded. 

But this, this was overwhelming. As if sensing your turmoil, Minghao tugged your wrist, making you fix your gaze on him again and read the words that he mouthed from his lips. “Time to run.”

Your fingers interlocked and feet picked up speed as you headed toward the door, running aimlessly for miles out of the bar in fits of smiles and laughter. There was no plan and no destination, you both just wanted out, and you’d only stop running when you reached a bridge, both your bodies collapsing against the metal railing. You both gave out in heavy pants, your breaths mingling as you faced one another. 

“That’s crazy,” you managed to rasp. “Why did we think we could go in there?”

He gave you a tired grin back, looking in the direction from which you came. The light layer of perspiration made his shirt cling to his skin, and you get a sliver of his chest as he aired it out for comfort. “I don’t know. Try something new, but that.” He pointed where he faced. “That’s how I know so many places, I just walk inside.”

You ran your hand over your chest, baring the biggest grin. “Gosh. I feel like dying.”

“Iced coffee?” He kindly suggested.

“And tea?” You cared to offer.

Nodding back at each other, you both decided to walk the rest of the way back around, making a stop at a light night cafe and occupying their second floor balcony to taste the crisp air. As you sipped on your iced coffee and Minghao sipped on his warm tea, you quietly basked in the moonlit sky, as you’d done many times before. The adrenaline of tonight coursed through you still while you leaned against the railings and stared up at the stars, your elbows grazing close enough to spark that electricity that you’d feel whenever he ever got too close. This time, you were too tired to fight it, or you learned it’s about time you stopped trying to.

“I don’t drink coffee.” He abruptly confessed, penetrating the silence.

You softly scoffed, turning your head to him, taking his reminder as a jab for your ‘inferior’ tastes before taking a bigger sip of your delicious fresh roast press. “I know that. You prefer tea.”

“I mean, I don’t drink coffee, but the day you ‘saved me,’ I did.”

You hummed. “Oh. Yeah, you did. Funny. You got a coffee that day instead?”

He shook his head, smiling. “No, ask me why I drank coffee that day.” 

You rolled your eyes, placing your drink on the side table before leaning your elbows over the railing. “Okay. Why did you drink coffee, Minghao?”

“I drank my friend’s mug on accident, thinking it was my tea, then tasted how scaldingly hot and wretched it was—”

You gasped, offended as a barista, “I work really hard on those!”

He waved his hand to calm you down. “Let me finish. I mistook my normal tea for coffee…all because I got distracted, unable to stop thinking about the cute barista who wouldn't quit staring at me from behind the counter.”

“...I apologize for being a creep.”

He shook his head smiling and set his tea cup aside. “Not my point.”

You stared into the contents of your drink, shaking the ice inside as you stirred the straw, trying to find any remains of your beverage and stalling for time to follow up with a response. Lips pressed in a firm line, you glanced at him from the corner of your eye, silence met on the other end as he keenly observed you, mirroring your posture while he sipped his tea. “So…You thought I was cute,” you managed to sum up.

“Thought…think…know.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” You timidly asked.

“We’re roommates,” he reminded you, plain as day. “We should be honest with each other, right?”

“Honest,” you repeated, lethally soft.

“Yes, honest,” he confirmed just as quietly. “Don’t be afraid to tell me whatever is on your mind, just as I’ve told you what was on my mind.”

His honesty was cute, flattering. Your honesty could write up a restraining order. “Is that necessary? We only really live together.”

“It’s necessary because we live together, so yes, be honest about your feelings. Let me in on your thoughts, whatever they may be.”

Good roommates don’t forget to be honest about each other’s feelings.

He stood in front of you dangerously close, the lingering smell of his cologne that reminded you of the ocean wafting into your nose as he drew near. His gaze beckoned you close without so much a word passing through his lips, and you felt his presence close in on the distance as he leaned against the railing. You softly batted your eyes, adjusting to your sense being overtaken by all things Minghao, mind just filled to the brim with Minghao, as if you couldn’t get enough of him.

“You’re really committed to being a good roommate. I respect that,” you stated, harshly gulping. “Honesty. Where can I start?”

“Well, what are you thinking about right now?” He asked, face mere inches away from you, lips so plush you let out a wistful sigh.

“I’m thinking that…it’s really hard to think with your face so close in front of me.”

Despite that, he didn’t move, and instead he pushed a lock of your hair behind your ear, brushing against your helix to feel your flustered warmth bloom between his fingers. “Fair enough. What else?”

You wrapped your hand around the railing, stabling yourself on the floor in hopes of not falling over on your two feet, your breath being stolen in real time by your roommate who was looking more and more inviting by the second.

“And if I knew any better, I’d think you're about to kiss me.”

“Let’s wager that then,” he said as he reeled even closer, his fingertips once in your ears now guiding your chin, letting the surface of your lips feel the ghost of his as your breaths mingled against one another. “You can predict one of two things. One, I kiss you. Or two, I pull away. You get a prize if your answer is correct.”

“How is that a fair wager? You can easily change your response depending on how I answer,” you pointed out, ultimately playing along.

“I won’t,” he reassured in a coaxingly smooth tone. “I’ve made my choice.”

You raised a brow, attempting to look only subtly intrigued when in reality you’ve let him enchant you. “What’s my prize?”

“Loser grants whatever the winner wishes.”

“That’s irresponsible.”

“Knowing you, your request would be far from unreasonable.”

“I’m talking about you.” You narrowed your eyes, swallowing at seeing him come at you so close. “But, okay. I’ll play.”

The corner of his lips lifted mischievously, tilting his head to the side as his eyes narrowed back at you. “So, what’s your answer?” 

Your eyes flickered up to him, rounded up in intrigue as you tried to follow his gaze. “You’ll…pull away. Public displays of affection are cute, but maybe not your cup of tea, at least not grand ones like kissing, unless maybe it’s one the cheek or on the forehead.”

He smiled and gently tilted his head, eyes piercing into yours and taking a sharp breath before pulling away, crossing his arms with a soft pout on his lips. “You’re good.”

You felt the sting of rejection despite your victory, as if you’d hoped you’d be wrong. That he’d take you right there against the railing and give you a fervid kiss that broke you down to your knees and you could even taste in your dreams, but a win was a win. A predicted loss was better than a false victory.

“I guess I won.”

He sighed defeatedly, crossing his arms. “You did. So tell me, what desire would you like for me to fulfill for you?”

You shuddered at his choice of words, clamping your legs together. “Well, what would you have wanted me to do if I got the answer wrong?”

“Is that your wish? For me to answer the question?”

You softly scoffed. “Don’t be so cheap.”

He rolled his eyes before taking a sip of his tea, “Doesn’t matter, you didn’t get it wrong. You get the wish. So go on, tell me your wish.”

“…Fine. Grant me your wish as if you had won.”

“You want me to grant my own wish? That defeats the entire purpose,” he chortled with knitted brows.

“It’s my wish, so come on. What’s your wish?”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“And we didn't have to place bets, but it doesn't seem like there’s any rules against it, so go ahead. Tell me.”

Minghao sucked his teeth before complying. “Fine.” 

He moved toward you, hands settling over your hips and settling you on the floor beneath your feet as he gravitated toward, steadying his gaze on you. His face, inches away from you, and your breath hitched in your throat as he drew his lips near your ear. You heard the subtle squelch of his tongue as they licked his teeth, moments before the wish he dared you to grant poured out from his lush lips. “My wish is for you to…make me tea every morning, afternoon, evening, and every time I ask you to. Like my little tea gremlin.”

“Now that’s just evil, Xu Minghao,” You protested, lightly shoving him off.

He laughed. “No, it’s not! Think of it like pour over coffee.”

“Don’t try romanticizing it like it’s anything like my beautiful beans. Tea is tea. Coffee is coffee.”

“It was your wish to grant my wish.”

“Can I take it back?” You whined.

“It’d be dishonorable.”

You groaned. “Fine.”

He chuckled, “Let’s go home, hmm?”

Heading back home, you were embraced by a warm comfortable silence. There was a kind of silence that sanctioned your amicable living arrangement with Minghao to turn into something warmer, feverish even, something that you can’t even help but notice and your hands would occasionally graze one another on the way back, taking turn exchanging timid glances at you walked your path home.

“That was fun,” You admitted, taking off your shoes at the front door.

“Yeah, I think so. We should do it more often.”

You smiled at each other’s reflections as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror, seeing you take the same tube of toothpaste and started brushing your teeth. You smiled as he purposely bumped into you, raising his eyebrow as you stared pointedly at him in the mirror, not expecting you to retaliate with a light shove. Ensuing a nudging war, you attacked each other’s shoulders, getting caught in fits of giggles before you forced yourselves to split up, knowing nothing would get done if you both let it go on.

“Do you work tomorrow?” You asked through the gaping door of your room as he cleared a glass a water before bedtime, freshly out of a shower and the smell of his clean, light fragrance was beguiling even from a distance.

“Yeah. Do you?”

“Yeah.”

“Mmh.” He stalked over in your direction, a feign innocent smile on his lips. “That's too bad. We only really have nights like these together, it seems at least only for a little while.”

“It is,” You said, lathering up the last bit of lotion up your legs, feeling his eyes on you as they traveled the path of your hands.

The silence engulfed you, as if both of you were waiting for the other to make a sudden move, yet both of you remained still. Like a predator with its prey, unsure who was who, you both stood with uncertainty and palpable tension hanging in the air, waiting for the other to strike when the moment was right. Even the usually confident Minghao stood back as he observed you from a distance, eyes flickering over at you as you strided slowly towards him guarded with crossed arms.

“I guess, I’ll go to sleep now,” You finally said.

His gaze softened, nodding. “Okay,” he smiled, “good night.”

“Good night, Minghao. Sleep well.”

If only you had taken your own words to heart. 

That night, you couldn’t help but stare back at the ceiling, fiddling with the covers as the night’s events replayed in your head like a home movie, your thoughts traveling at a million miles a minute, too fast for you to stop and collect them—let alone process them—and stole your precious slumber. So, as you lay in bed awake at night, squeezing your eyes shut and waiting for the night to take you, waiting for the fatigue and sleep to come, it never arrived. Instead, your eyes ripped open, heart pounding in your chest as you sat up from the mattress and tore the covers off your body. Your legs pushed you off the bed and lifted yourself off, carrying yourself out the room and out the hallway with determined steps until faltering at the threshold of another front door before you softly knocked. 

You turned the knob, the door creaked open and you peeked your head through to see your roommate on the other end in bed, torso visibly bare as he slowly sat up at his late night intrusion. “Hey,” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “You’re up.”

“I think it’s the coffee,” you excused, clutching the edge of the door, “I can’t sleep.”

Wordlessly, he nodded, stretching an arm to beckon you towards him, and you slowly inched closer to him until you were completely under the covers. Occupying the space beside him, you nestled into the contours of his body as his arm cushioned the side of your head before facing one another, silence enveloping you. The only sound that bit into the silence was muted traffic, infinitely alive outside the walls of your confines. While it looked peaceful, and you felt as though you could melt into his arms, neither of you looked as if you were trying to sleep.

Rather, you stared at one another, making sleep even harder to attain as you traced every feature and took them in as if they were brushstrokes on a painting. Minghao may have worked with art every day, but he was a work of art in his own right, and you couldn’t help favor him above all others. You didn’t need a Van Gogh or Picasso, you had an original, a one of a kind Minghao.

And that’s when you saw his eyes begin to drift, lowering to the bottom half of your face, lips parting in intrigue as his breath fanned lightly against your cheeks. Your face flush in response, pushing your bottom lip between your teeth before they were caught, finding yourself doing the same with him and watching his mouth move in anticipation. You felt your pulse in your throat as much as you felt it between your legs, feeling arousal pooling and soaking your shorts.

“Do you want to wager another bet?” Minghao softly offered.

“What kind?” You breathed.

“The same bet, same prize. Do you think I’ll kiss you, or will I pull away?”

You mused at him, fingers extending toward him reluctantly, aiming for a lock of his hair laying stray on his forehead before smoothing it over his head, softly stroking him, feeling him lean into your touch. “Hmm, this time you’ll…kiss me,” you whispered with absolute certainty. “The tension is practically eating you alive.”

A grin stretched wide across his cheeks as a hand softly clasped over your face, thumb swiping across your cheek. “Right again.”

He closed the gap, slotting his lips between yours and languidly moving against you, letting you chase after his pace. You sighed against him, feeling his hand on your hip as he pulled your torso against his, the other rested against the nape of your neck as he reveled in your heat. Hands flying in his hair, you softly moaned as he kneaded your skin, feeling him trace the inside of your mouth with his tongue before he roughly pulled your weight from the mattress to topple you over him, letting your legs card between his.

“Minghao,” you quietly sounded against his lips, crushing your hips against his groin and hearing his sweet moan in response.

His muscles tensed as you pressed against him, while his legs clung to your thighs. His hands ran over the shape of your figure, unearthing an ungodly moan from your lips as he slipped beneath your shorts, etching over the curve of your ass and claiming your raw flesh in his hands, pushing you against him assertively.

You whimpered, grinding against him. “I know my wish.”

“Anything,” He tenderly mumbled.

“Call off work tomorrow.”

He smiled against your lips, bringing one of his knees to pin your bodies closer together. “Means you should too.”

“Oh, definitely,” You confirmed before reconnecting your mouths in a frenzied liplock.

Feeling the grind of your hips as his pelvis crushed against yours, his grunts slipped through every caress as his hand moved up your back. Soon, you started feeling something you had yet to see from Minghao in all your time living with him, the part of him you managed to evade but have envisioned a multitude of times, growing in his sweatpants and rubbing against your thigh the closer your bodies were.

“I have never wanted someone so bad,” He whispered in a soft ache. 

His hands crept underneath your shirt, brushing against your skin, pressing against the small of your back. Pressing his torso towards you, his erection adhered to your thigh, the tension coiling in your stomach burned like wildfire, at an unstoppable rage. “Minghao,” you mewled, impatience singeing on your tongue.

“Somehow, I can still taste coffee on your breath, but I don't really mind it. It tastes really good on you,” He admitted before kissing you deeper, his moans buzzing against your mouth, hungry and alive as his hands dug into your flesh with utter greed.

“You taste really good too.” Your hand body scoured south, cupping his size under your palm and tasting his gasp as you sucked him between your lips. “I wonder what else tastes good.”

“You are something else,” he mumbled, through quiet chuckles. “Just like you to act on impulse.”

You let out a light scoff. “You are so—”

“Don’t start things you can’t finish,” he softly warned with a smirk.

“I’m not the one you have to worry about finishing.”

You moved down, the covers draped over your head as you kept your eyes on him and resting on the hem of his sweats. Minghao’s breath hitched in his throat, gulping while he felt your nails lightly claw against his bare torso, tugging the waistband off the tent he forged, revealing the lack of underwear and restraint he had left, now sprung against your face.

“Shit,” you said grinning, claiming him by the shaft, thumbing over the precum glistening at the tip. “Even your cock looks pretty.”

A soft pink decorated his cheeks and a hand meekly shielded part of his face. “You staring is how I got myself hurt in the first place.”

“Then I’ll be careful not to hurt you this time—that is, unless you want me to.”

You spat on his cock, a translucent ribbon stretching from your tongue to his length. Your saliva lubing your knuckles, you squeezed his girth in your grip as you stroked and felt him pulse in your hands, growing bigger the tighter you clenched. Minghao’s arms propped himself up and behind him as his chest heaved, blood pumping with every drag of your fingers, shallow breaths slipping out of him as he fisted the sheets beneath him.

You kissed the curve of the head, lips pursed to wrap lightly around him, suckling down his shaft, and feeling him twitch against your mouth when you chuckled. He softly whined, his hand extended toward you to tenderly caress the side of your head and tacitly pleading with you as you teased him. Showing him mercy, you took him with an eager mouth, closing your lips around his cock as you steadied your gaze on him. Moans vibrating around his girth, your tongue tucked on the underside of his shaft, hands wrapped tightly around his base.

“Mmmh like that.” He swallowed, exhaling through his teeth the deeper you took him. His abdomen flexing overtly as you moaned around him, vibrated against his skin, your pink muscle tracing over his veins as you worked your jaw to hug a tighter grip. “God, you’re perfect. Don’t stop, please…” he panted.

He palmed at your hair headily, his motor skills not properly functioning as he sucked in his breath, feeling his presence explore deeper. He leveraged his hips to regain some ounce of control, but the sounds of moisture and squelching burned his ears, and the heart in his chest was running like a marathon. His eyes, fluttering in and out of focus, trained his gaze on you while his stomach tensed, grasping the vision of you getting wide-eyed and bold as you gingerly ate him alive. Burning the image into his retinas, it made him want to explode inside you.

Threading through your hair, he pulled them up and off your shoulders, showing off your pretty features, doing everything in his power not to give his climax an early appearance. “I’ve never seen such a pretty mouth take my cock so well. Then again, I’ve never had a pretty roommate like you, or anyone like you.”

Flustered from the flattery, you sucked him like your life depended on it as you grew hot, making Minghao’s task to regain control strenuous to achieve. You hollowed out your cheeks, leaving no room to breathe, and felt him in your throat as your vision rolled to behind your skull to the point your language deduced to the sounds of gagging. You gripped his hips, nails plunged into his flesh as your drool dribbled down his groin, slobbering over his cock in an erratic, hungry mess.

“Yes, like that. My god,” He praised through ragged breaths, hips jerking gently up into you. He lightly threw his head back, the urge to ram himself down your throat getting exceedingly more tempting, but he suppressed it as he dug his nails into his own palms. “I’m so close to cumming, can I–in your mouth or should I…?”

You hummed a confirmation before you swallowed him whole until you met the base, meeting his groin as he vanished inside you, breathing oxygen not even an afterthought. Images in front of you dulled in color, pictures shapeless and unclear, and you pushed past your boundaries to let him find home in your mouth, deeply intent with him finishing inside you one way or the other.

“F…f…fuck...”

Pleasure rippling through him, Minghao pushed himself up from his position, thrusting weakly as he cradled your head, pouring his thick, ivory load into your mouth, which was insistent on receiving every drop. He filled your cheeks, allowing warmth to coat the inside of your mouth as he tenderly stroked your hair in gratitude. Cupping your cheeks as he let his hips falter, he gently pulled himself out of your mouth, amused at how carefully you were trying to not let any of his cum seep past your lips as you sat between his legs.

His fingers danced under your chin. “Are you gonna swallow?” Minghao tiredly chuckled.

With smiling eyes, you tilted your head, as if asking if you should.

He pushed your hair behind you, softly pressing his lips against your tightly shut lips. “Don’t if you don’t want to.”

An idea occurred to you then, and in an instant you pushed yourself up to board him as your knees took either side of him, looming over him. His hands naturally found your waist as you lifted his chin, eyes staring at you curiously as his hands ran up body and gently clawed down, awaiting your next move. You then thumbed over his bottom lip before dipping between the slit of his mouth and saw it naturally part, taking the digit and settling it between his teeth.

Now confidently, you lowered your head, swirling the contents in your mouth before pushing your thumb deeper, prying the entrance wider, and finding no protest as he sanctioned it. He dug the pads of his digits into your flesh in anticipation. His eyes fluttering, he watched as your mouth withdrew the generous gift he gave to you before you gave it right back to him as it gracefully streamed down on his pulsing, eager tongue. And nothing satisfied you more than hearing him sigh wistfully as it landed.

It sent you shivers how beautiful he looked despite how vulgar the act was. Only Xu Minghao could make tasting his own cum look so ethereal, and it only made you wonder what other things a face this beautiful was willing to do. You swiped whatever fell from the corner of his lips with your thumb, sucking the residue like leftovers before you connected your mouths, sharing and tasting his lewd tang in violent swirls, and pulling away to watch it stretch between your tongues.

“I guess toothbrushes aren’t the only things you like to share,” Minghao teased before pushing you on your back, grinding his resurrecting arousal against your clothed heat and lathering the thick, viscous substance flat between your tongues in your mouths as it dribbled down your chins until there was nothing but slobber. It was a mess, and the most unmannerly you’ve ever seen him, and you’ve never been more turned on.

“My turn.”

With a rough hand, he tugged you by your legs towards him, hearing you let out a yelp, and shoved down your shorts to expose your glistening, mouth-watering, arousal soaked entrance. Be still his heart. He felt himself throb seeing you ruin his bed, but hell if he wasn't going to be sucking those juices out of the sheets until he’d tasted every drop.

He kicked off his sweats, leaving him entirely vulnerable while you witnessed his cock slowly twitch back to life before he laid on his stomach between your arched legs. “If we want to talk about pretty things, your pussy is high up on that list.”

Not waiting for a response, he licked a thick stripe up your inner thigh, flickering over your folds before sucking them in his mouth, using the tip of his tongue to tease your entrance. He felt the flutter of your core before spitting, lathering at the juices, coating at entrance but not peeking to see what was inside. “You’re already so wet, fuck.” 

“Hao…” You whined.

“Mmmh, I love how you sound,” he chuckled, running long strokes up your slit, wedged through you with every swipe, looking arm around your leg to hold you in place as his thumb brushed over your clit. “Are your moans always this delicious? Or are they reserved for when you’re thinking about me?” 

Shaking your head, you were too turned on to answer verbally, while his mouth closed around your clit and sucked, utilizing his fingers to assume their previous position. You clenched your stomach, fisting into the sheets as you spread your legs, feeling them already clam up from the tension as his tongue flicked against your sensitive bud in unison with his fingers twisted up into, and you couldn’t help but writhe underneath him.

“Yes, spread those pretty legs for me,” he encouraged with a haughty smile before burying his face, his moans vibrating up your walls as his tongue massaged your walls and tasted your cock pulsing nectar, sending chills up your spine.

You mewled, and feeling reserved, you held your hands up to your face to shield the tears collecting at your eyes threatening to fall, but Minghao grabbed you by the wrists, roughly pinning them to the bed.

His eyes narrowed back at you before softening almost menacingly, “Don’t cover your pretty face, watch me.”

“But—“

“I want you to watch me fuck your pretty pussy with my mouth. Don’t make me say it twice.” He warned before he got you a quiet nod, earning you a kiss against your inner thigh.

His hand flattened against your inner thighs again, pressing them further away from another and delving his tongue deeper as he rubbed your clit, working your insides until he tasted every inch of you possible. He buried his face, but his eyes were clear, staring at you as he worked his jaw, engorging with his mouth that sent you above and beyond and his eyes that saw you at the result of your undoing. You had no choice but to cling on, freeing yourself from his grasp to have your fingers fly in his hair, navigating him as you took him for a joy ride, his tongue shifting gears as it picked up pace.

“S-shit!” You rolled your hips, threading your fingers through his locks and clamping his head between your thighs as you pushed him deeper.

“Yes, ride my face—fuck, use me, please,” he pleaded in a cracked voice, pouring his heart into his feast until he was practically suffocating, worth it to worship you and bring you to the highest peak of your pleasure.

Your legs trembled as his moans infiltrated your heat, the intense flicks of his tongue titillating you to the brink of ecstasy until he used it to fuck you in time with his fingers thrusting inside, clutching you as you held him in place and grinding against him. “My god, Hao!”

Hips shaking, you bucked into his mouth, and even after your release, he made no effort to stop, lifting you to his mouth as he got on his knees, eating you like a meal he’d never have again until he worked his tongue raw, tasting you and only you as your cum coated his mouth. You squirmed, the suction of his lips on your sensitive core in tandem with his tongue viciously swirling inside you overwhelming you beyond words, unable to kick him off as he held both your knees above his head.

“You’re gonna kill me, Hao,” you cried desperately. “Just put it in me.”

He chuckled before setting you down, meeting your lips halfway as he stroked his fully erect cock, massaging this evening’s concoction against your tastebuds, mingling the contrasting flavors as they battled in your mouth while knowledge of it all pebbled your skin. Meanwhile, he ran his hands over you beneath your shirt, found your nipples, rolling them against his thumbs as his cock rubbed between your folds, ebbing your moans as they buzzed against his lips. “What if I want to play with you first?” He taunted.

You whined, brushing your lips repeatedly over his. “I want you inside me.”

“You’re cute even when you’re needy,” he gushed.

You clasped your hands over his soft, warm cheeks. “Minghao, please…”

He playfully rolled his eyes, kissing into your palm then down your wrist before his teeth playfully started nibbling at your skin. “Fine, because you asked so nicely. Just to let you know, though, I don’t have a condom on me right now, but I’m clean.”

“Then, we don’t need one.”

He grinned, stroking the back of your head. “I had a feeling you’d say that.”

Rubbing his tip down your slit, he savored your whimpers as he drew circles against your clit before sliding his length through your folds and stretching your walls, letting you slowly adjust to his presence. Your jaw slightly dropped as you took a sharp inhale, fingers digging into his shoulders and clinging on to him before you felt him sink deeper inside you, pacing his thrusts in a steady rhythm. Your eyes flit to meet his, feeling the back and forth of his hips as they snapped, while you reveled in each collision.

“Yes please…”

Before losing himself in his pleasure, he was determined to remember how you looked getting lost in yours, taking in your features as they distorted under his care. He first found your eyes–lost in a galaxy with an infinite amount of stars out of the way. Then, his eyes started to follow the slope of your cheeks, flushed to the touch against his back hand, saliva leaking out of your swollen lips. And your body with the shirt adhered to you by the sweat on your skin, clinging to your form and proving to him time and time again that you were not only the object of his desires, you were something straight out of his dreams.

“You look, taste, and feel good? Where have you been all my life? Really?” He landed a harsh thrust, pressing down on your nipples and smiling manically at how you whimpered in response, clutching you as you shuddered against him. “You like that?”

You nodded, clawing your hand up his back.

“Mmh, me too,” he drew his lips to your ear. “And I like you. A lot. I wouldn’t let someone go on and use my toothbrush for months if I didn’t.” He slowed down his thrusts, cupping your face to meet your eyes. “You like me too, right?”

Feeling your ears burn, you frantically nodded again, mewling after you felt him nip at them, teeth scraping the side of your neck before an open mouth pressed against the side of your neck. The warmth of his breath sweltering against you as you struggled to carry on with the conversation Minghao was determined to have.

“Yeah, you want me to take you on a real date?” He said into the nape of your neck, moaning into your skin as he dragged his hips, rutting into you like an animal.  He barely made out your soft ‘yes’s in your sharp gasps. He gritted his teeth, taking you by the hips, pushing himself flushed against you. “Fuck, you’re so cute,” he groaned.

His hips took flight while he separated your mouth in a loud moan, feeling you becoming malleable under his touch and growing weaker as you recoiled against him. He lifted your shirt above your chest and neared your stiff peaks, rolling your bud against the base of his tongue as he pinched the other, moving out of pure instinct. You threw your head back, going mad with sexual gratification. Your body spasmed out of your control, yet you craved more.

“Harder,” You gasped.

He scoffed under his breath in disbelief. “You want even more?”

“Yes…I want you to cum inside me. I want to feel everything that’s yours, Minghao.”

Knees buckling at your titillating request, he gripped your ass in both palms, clutching you against him as he rammed himself up inside you, and you’re forced to hold on. “I’ll do you one better,” he offered, “why don’t I just make you mine?”

“I…Oh, god…” Your brain was becoming mush, only processing the sound, taste, smell, sensation of Minghao’s cock as he plunged himself inside you. It fogging your thoughts, clouded your judgement, and only formed incoherent gibberish that took place of real vocabulary as they passed through your swollen lips.

“Be mine, hmm?” He asked, pleading. “That way I can be yours.”

Captivated by his words, you nodded, feeling him suck the life out of you as your body felt close to giving out, the hilt of his cock bottoming out inside you. You anchored your legs around him, following his pace before you felt something within reach, just seconds away from ripping a scream out of your throat that would surely ensue a noise complaint from one of your neighbors.

“Hao, I’m going to cum, I’m really close,” you meekly warned.

His hand settled against your thigh, nodding. “I can feel it. You’re shaking so hard. Let me have it, I’ll catch you. Every last bit of you.”

Ecstasy was just a word, but Minghao was everything, and you could breathe in that everything. 

Your bodies crushed against each other, lost in heat as you became one. Breaths blended, bodies embraced, only faltering after you long finished the initial orgasms, coming back for more. You embraced  the sheer carnivorous lust that quelled this several month long push and pull, adhering you by the sweat misted on each other's skin before your mouths tenderly met repeatedly.

Sleep felt futile, while the night felt everlasting. Minghao’s company was more than you could ever ask for, and by the time you did sleep, you were too tired to move. You collapsed against each other, bodies drowning in each other’s releases, sheets and pillows stained by the arousal from the evening’s lack of inhibitions. Minghao should’ve been just as tired, but instead he tended to your tired body, leaving kisses in its wake as he cleaned you off and slept alongside you in your clean bed, letting him worry about laundry in the morning.

With your eyes closed, mind in another world, Minghao was brushing the hair away from your face, softly smiling as you gently stirred and nestled closer to him. In response, he pressed a sweet kiss to your temple, warmth blooming in his chest as a grin developed on your face.

“I’ll take you on a proper date. I promise,” he said while you slept. “ And If I don’t, pull the bad roommate card on me. You can punish me however you like.”

“…ok, I will.”

[toruro]

do u ever just so strongly know u were in the wrong in a certain situation that u can’t even comprehend what compelled u to act that way and its probably ur one true regret and u hate feeling sad abt it bc u brought it upon urself and now u know like lesson fucking learned but it's just like WOW u rly did that to urself

[toruro]

first date w/ financebro!mingyu and he's mansplaining ebitda and ur just sitting there waiting for him to shut up for one second to tell him u already know everything and plot twist he finds it hot

[toruro]

gyu fic is like halfway done :3 however i am going thru recruiting rn and my schedule is hell so </3 might take a little longer on this second half