trademarkmommy - Tumblr blog

[trademarkmommy]

I will live in Chicago by the end of this year

[trademarkmommy]

Wig so his name is alfredo linguini so he probably Italian so you’re telling me an Italian and a rat transformed a French restaurant together for the better???? Why weren’t there more riots in Paris? Ratatouille is a direct affront to Parisian cooking lmaoooo

[trademarkmommy]

‪Okay but what if you have a hair pulling kink but you trying to fuck alfredo linguini ‬

[trademarkmommy]

CLADISTICS ruined my life

[trademarkmommy]

i was with my mother’s family and they were talking to me about my religious studies major. my great aunt asked me what the definition of hell was, and i responded “well i suppose it depends on who you ask.” and nearly all the protestants in the group decided that hell was “the absence of god” which i suppose is a fair answer, albeit not a universal one. my cousin’s wife was playing with her 3-year-old daughter and she says “well mommy says that hell is a mcdonald’s playplace” asdfghjhgfd

[trademarkmommy]

just worked 35 1/2 hrs over 5 days. ow

[trademarkmommy]

[trademarkmommy]

remember when we were kids and we used to all sing that demented version of the barney song where it was like “i hate you you hate me let’s go out and kill barney”

[trademarkmommy]

*slams gavel*

worm court is now in session

all writhe

[trademarkmommy]

Not a crossover I was expecting, but I’ll take it

[trademarkmommy]

no one:

business majors: I have to be as unethical as possible

[trademarkmommy]

this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

[trademarkmommy]

the inherent gay coding of brightly colored striped shirts

[trademarkmommy]

How does this even happen

[trademarkmommy]

One of my favourite parts of working with kids is like… Very Gently subverting their idea of gendered topics… Like if a girl goes ‘no, sharks are a boy thing’ and you go “UM ACTUALLY THATS STUPID AND INCORRECT” they get freaked out, but if instead u go “Are you sure? Cause I think sharks are awesome, here’s a scale picture of a Megalodon” it’ll blow their tiny mind and they’ll be shitting themselves over it for days. 100% effective, 10/10 recommend

[trademarkmommy]

Justice is best served cold.

Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

[trademarkmommy]