transthrasher

[transthrasher]

i have never had a hope so desperate than that my mother will love me. i was raised on agony, on irritation, on resentment, on fury, on words laced with violence. i held suffering close to my chest and prayed desperately for things to get better.

but kindness from you was a dagger in the back, a hug embraced with terror when you’d finished going down the list of everything you hated about me, when you’d decided you were bored of adding to my ever growing self loathing.

i haven’t felt like you loved me since i was 14. i spent so much of my youth hiding away every real part of myself from you so that the next time you needed to take your anger out on me, it wouldn’t ache quite so deeply, so that you were only hurting a ghost.

i guess i forgot that ghosts come back to haunt and you have created a poltergeist inside of me. a monster to carry out your destruction, and it has done your job so well. it wreaks havoc from the inside out. when it tires of shredding me apart internally, it does so much worse.

sometimes, i am possessed. in those moments, i see you in myself so clearly and i have never felt pain so sharp as i lash out at those who love me as i watch myself lash out and lash out and lash out. and i am begging myself to stop.

but i am possessed and when i regain control over my own body the damage has been done and i am left alone, knees to my chest in the wreckage, holding that intimate suffering close like it is all i have ever known.

i hate you. i despise you with every ounce of myself and yet i can’t let go of that stupid– desperate fucking hope that someday, someday you will see everything you’ve done to me and you will beg for my forgiveness, and when you say sorry you will mean it and you will love me as i have never known before. but it will be this poltergeist and i forever.

at the very least i wish i could let you go. but i have never been very good at letting things go and everything taken from me is left with claw marks gouged from my shaking hands. and i learned that, on some level, from you.

-z.s.

[transthrasher]

Please ignore my past post history, younger me tried too hard sometimes, but making a new profile was too much work. Not that I ever cared for twitter, but I like to have somewhere to scroll, where there aren’t photos of ex-friends taunting me as they live better lives 💀

[transthrasher]

After SOD when Grindelwald’s back at it again:

Newt: Right, um onto plan Apple

Tina (joining the forces after finally getting time off being Head Auror): Plan Apple?

Theseus (muffled due to head on table): We ran out of letters a long time ago

[transthrasher]

Newt: I left instructions for everyone while I’m gone. Y/n: Mine just says “Y/n no.” Newt: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

[transthrasher]

bruh

[transthrasher]

Love how Dumbledore was like: I need a person who will be strong against Gellert, a person who’s brave, a good person and most of all a true hero

Also Dumbledore: *remembers thirteen year old Newt apologising to a tree he walked into” That one, I want that one.

[transthrasher]

Lally, watching Newt and Tina: I can see what’s happening

Queenie: what

Lally: and they don’t have a clue

Queenie: who?!

Lally: they’ll fall in love and here’s the bottom line. Our trio’s down to two

Queenie: oh

Tina, turning from Newt: WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT

[transthrasher]

Dumbledore: Stop asking him if he's killed children!

Aberforth: I will stop asking him when he stops killing children.

Grindelwald: That seems fair.

[transthrasher]

Newt: Tina is not my woman-

Tina: And Newt is not my man-

Theseus: Right. You keep saving eachothers lives because of friendship

[transthrasher]

Newt *walking into his house*: Hello, people who do not live here.

Theseus: Hey.

Jacob: Hi.

Lally: Hello.

Newt: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Albus: We were out of Chocolate Frogs.

[transthrasher]

Aberforth: I just ended a decades long relationship

Newt: oh I'm really sorry about that. I hope you're fine

Aberforth: oh don't worry Mr Scamander it wasn't my relationship

*Albus and Gellert throw furniture at each other in the other room*

[transthrasher]

Newt: Sometimes you ask too much of people.

Dumbledore: I do? Give me fourteen examples.

[transthrasher]

Dumbledore: I hate you.

Grindelwald, in his head: Enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words.

[transthrasher]

Aurelius: Uncle Gellert, can you close my closet? I think I saw a monster!

Gellert: *kneels down in front of Aurelius and smiles gently*

Gellert: what makes you think monsters can't open doors?

Aurelius: *runs crying to Albus*

Albus: *hugs Aurelius*

Albus: Aberforth will never let us babysit again....

[transthrasher]

Newt: Is it just me, or do all of your plans involve some horrible web of lies?

Dumbledore: It's just you.

[transthrasher]

Newt: In light of what happened. You can hug me for four to five seconds

Theseus: Fourty five seconds!

Newt: No! FOUR to FIVE-

Theseus:Too late!

[transthrasher]

Okay but imagine in book six if-

Harry: You’re skipping classes and hiding in corridors. Your skin is pale and sickly. You never sleep or eat anything. You don’t go out in the sunlight.  

Harry: I know what you are.

Draco: Say it. Out loud. Say it!

Harry: D-death eater.