call me fox. *TRAUMACORE* | DNI IF ABUSE IS A TRIGGER || she/her || adult || abuse victim|| i post triggering content. ask box open for vents and advice š¤
btw you donāt have to turn your trauma into a story, art a meaning, anything. sometimes trauma is just something that happened to you and thatās it. there isnāt some deep poetic meaning
My aunts and uncles on my motherās side who are abusive just back up my abusive parents and brother.
Like I donāt get why they complain non stop about everyone being lazy and entitled when they are projecting they are boomers who were the entitled lazy generation. They ruined the economy for the future generations. They complain their kids owe them, everyone owes them, but THEY can destroy and abuse and use whoever they want and if someone stands up to them itās always āget over it! Move on already!ā
They sabotage my life then complain I donāt accomplish anything. Then I try and they sabotage my life again.
Iām surrounded by abusers and somehow Iām to blame and the problem
Someone told me they just need something to complain about and thatās why they had me.
- Maya M. / Jaguar
abusers really be like why are you upset over the abuse i did to you!!!
do i have to protect my mom when my dad hits her? am i obligated to do it? how should I react? do i have to do anything to stop this?
no you are not, especially as a child. but regardless of your age you do not need to protect her. if you feel like itās safe to do so, i would either call police or tell someone you trust.
i suggest you donāt interfere because this can make you into a target of the abuse as well
btw you donāt have to turn your trauma into a story, art a meaning, anything. sometimes trauma is just something that happened to you and thatās it. there isnāt some deep poetic meaning
I feel really bad calling myself a "survivor" of child abuse when my life was never actually in danger, but just saying im a victim doesnt sound right either.
So i wanted to ask you and your audience whether it's ok? Does anyone else struggle with terminology like this as well?
(For example, for years i was very hesitant to call what happened to me abuse because i figured it wasnt bad enough to warrant that term. Years later ive come to terms with the fact that i was abused at least)
yeah i hate survivor too because it feels wrong to me because i had no other choice. I know plenty of people feel that way too. I think victim feels wrong too because it feels like society has tainted the word and made victim into this āsnow flakeā analogy or something.
I also feel like for victims, we donāt feel like itās enough and that weāre not valid enough
ādelululuā āwhat a narcissistā āiām so ocdā āi let my intrusive thoughts winā āim an empathā āare you acousticā ābpd girls šā āim so manicā āmy trauma made me spicy and funnyā
I recently was recommended a tv show by a friend so i watched it without too much thought.
There was a scene of domestic violence, nothing too absurd or overdramatic, "just" some slapping and throwing around. I havenāt been able to stop thinking about it for days.
It looked fucking awful, i was flabbergasted by how bad it was and seeing it depicted so candidly threw me for a fucking loop.
My memories of being abused are all fucked up and hazy but i swear i do not remember it being that bad. Intellectually i know i was slapped and choked and yanked by the hair and thrown around and that it was bad, but i couldnt help but be bewildered by just how terrible it looked from am outside perspective, i cant stop asking myself "is that how i looked? That scared? That small?" And i wonder how they could have done that to me without realizing how fucked up it was.
Mostly i wonder how its possible that i don't remember it like that at all, even when i witnessed it happening to my sibling, it just wasnt that horrifying. Is it possible that when my brain couldn't outright remove an event it protected me from remembering it clearly by downplaying what was happening?
sometimes when we see it from an outside perspective we realize how bad it truly was.
it might have not seem bad at the time because it was normal, or you were in survival mode and our brains will protect us
Iām afraid god doesnāt want to punish my abusers and instead wants to punish me
God is just and all of our abusers will forever perish. i have to believe God will protect us. i feel like abusers have used his name to hurt us. i donāt know maybe im wrong but i believe god wants to punish our abusers and not us