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the morning after

i cried. I cried like a child, a very lonely child in my bed.

i cried because of everything and because of thing.

i cried because something inside me felt like a broken heart, and I cried also because I thought I was overthinking the situation and reading something that wasn't even there, but if I'm serious was I really overreacting?

why do I feel the need to clarify I don't consider myself more important than the stuff going on in other's life. I'm just another background noise, and that's okay. right?

my eyes are hurting, cause she made me cry. yea she made me cry.

and it's stupid for me to be reacting this way because there are a lot of things more important than just reading her words through a shallow dm, but idk man.

it feels weird and for how stupid and pathetic I might sound it made me cry like a baby. and I feel embarrassed by that, I'm sorry.

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birthday

I haven't talk in a while.

it's my 19th birthday. I don't know what I wanna do with my life and I feel like I wanna cry for no reason and it's getting kinda ridiculous how the tears are like try to peak out of my eyes and my chest feels like aching. and now I'm legit about to cry.

I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable, but I do.

tomorrow I gotta go to a 9:00 am class and I'm kinda anxious cause there's this group work about a philosopher I don't even understand and I don't have to speak cause I'm supposed to go on Thursday, idk why I still feel like I might.

my cheeks feel weird. my mind feels weird.

it's been a while I spoke like this, it's not a really good feeling fyi.

I feel weird with everything, the day was fine but also something isn't I just can't figure out what it is.

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If this is too hard to read, imagine living it.

No one’s talking about Palestine anymore.

The airstrikes aren’t trending. The rubble isn’t photogenic enough. The activists that were dragged off the streets in Israel and locked away for demanding an end to genocide? No one’s asking about them. No headlines. No hashtags. They’ve been swallowed up by the silence.

This is what happens when it’s no longer fashionable to care.

People forget. Not because it stopped happening—but because it stopped being new.

Palestine is still burning.

Children are still buried beneath cement.

Families are still counting the bodies of loved ones, day after day after day.

But if it’s not flashing across someone’s feed with a Spotify playlist and a neutral-toned infographic, it doesn’t exist to them.

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, ICE is dragging people out of their homes.

Mothers. Fathers. Queer immigrants. Children.

Detained. Disappeared. Forgotten.

And the influencers? The ones who had so much to say in 2020? Silent.

Too busy filming “day in my life” videos in $300 activewear to talk about actual people being deported in their own neighborhoods.

Too worried about brand deals and algorithms to mention the fact that there are literal raids happening right now.

Not a whisper.

They’ll wear a shirt that says “Be Kind” but they won’t say “Free Palestine.”

They’ll make a TikTok about “good energy” while someone gets shoved into a van down the street.

They’ll post about self-love but not about state violence.

Because comfort is addictive.

Because platforms become prisons.

Because caring too loudly is “bad for engagement.”

And the media? Complicit.

Newsrooms have gone quiet. Gaza isn’t headline-worthy anymore.

It’s too “messy,” too “controversial,” too “draining.”

It doesn’t sell ad space like the Met Gala does.

But you know what?

It’s not too messy for the people living it.

It’s not too draining for the children who can’t sleep because of the drones.

It’s not too complicated for the people ICE is ripping from their families in LA.

So no—this isn’t easy to read. It’s not supposed to be.

If it’s hard to scroll through this, imagine living it. Imagine surviving it. Imagine waking up every single day knowing the world will move on without you, while you are still grieving, still resisting, still screaming into a void that only echoes back silence.

If you have a platform, use it. If you have a voice, raise it.

And if you choose not to—

Don’t pretend you care.

Don’t wear the shirt.

Don’t post the rainbow.

Don’t light the candle.

Don’t tweet about mental health or kindness or “allyship” if you won’t talk about deportations, if you won’t say Palestine, if you won’t name the violence you benefit from.

This isn’t about what’s trending.

This is about who’s dying while you scroll past it.

And no, you can’t look away forever. One day, that silence will come for you, too.

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It will 💛

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Learn to let go, it will be okay

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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

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Katie Armstrong

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Tea, please! via weheartit

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2017.8.15 Kubuneguchi Station

叡山電鉄 鞍馬線 貴船口駅

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㋡🥀

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