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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

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Portrait study in gouache of the ever-handsome Dorian ✨

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Another Crowlycule treat💕

(Full thing on Patreon ☺️)

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You are NOT my GOD.

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Lucanis has been freed from his cardboard ossuary

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so my first veilguard playthrough i picked coffee as Rook's favorite drink because 1) i do like coffee and 2) i'm an agreeable bitch, but picking tea or hot chocolate is soooo much better and for two completely different reasons like— TEA: lucanis ACTIVELY is like "EUUGHH" when you choose this which is SO funny. like we BARELY know each other and he's basically like: "alright you ill-bred tasteless freak, i'll get you some boring ass herb water."

and THEN this makes his unique gift of an antivan tea set all the more amusing because instead of it just, not making sense, its like "HERE'S A FANCY ANTIVAN TEA SET BITCH" and he's like "for me?" and we're like "YEAH it's for you. EDUCATE YOURSELF. 😎🍵"

and then its so SO much sweeter when he actually makes you a whole dinner and dessert based around a drink that he probably spent the whole game researching???? my heart.......my sweet acts-of-service-ass boyfriend.......i love him

HOT CHOCOLATE: first off i love rook as a hot choccie ass bitch. but also its so sweet when he's like "oh yeah, I really liked that as a kid actually" and then later in a banter with emmrich when you learn that lucanis basically learned to cook solely because he really fucking loved churros and wanted to learn how to make them????? UHGHhhhhh......my heaort........and then he makes them for us, probably the first silly little recipe he ever mastered..........ouuuuuugghhh...........

send help i'm experiencing emotions about a beverages and a fake man

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he lives rent-free in my heart & soul

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Lucanis: No, Rook. We can't ditch Davrin and 'do it against a tree' just because you like my armour. Mierda. *Rubs his head*

Rook: But...

Lucanis: No.

Davrin: Wait, what?

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⚡⚡⚡ Gif commissions

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Based off of the several times Lucanis offers to off someone as a favor.

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Reflection

At first, Lucanis had been just an idea, then a threat, and then a ghost. He’d been a nightmare, then an asset, and then, he’d been hope. Now, he was so much more.

Sometimes you just gotta write the Viarookanis fluff you want to see in the world, so, behold, my belated contribution for Viago Week Day 5: prompt - meant to be.

Read more on Ao3 here!

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« Ah, so you're de Riva? I have heard of you. They say you're the most beautiful and valuable bird in Viago's arsenal. » My Rook Riannon de Riva. My little bird ✦

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do you ever not write for so long that you’re almost afraid to? like what if I’m dumb now