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I think im now actually skinnier than my skinniest friend

But im not sure cuz ✨body dysmorphia✨

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Been doing pretty well all week but im craving rn but I literally have the party tonight and im gonna be wearing a v tight dress so fucking bet im gonna be bloated

Super scared to get too wasted too quickly tho bc i wanna eat as little as possible

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Even tho its not tru my mom said “i feel like you keep getting skinnier” to my today so thanks for the confidence boost luv <3

Then she continued to talk abt how i used to be “chubby” but ok what did i expect from her

Like honey if you are sensing i am losing more weight than what’s healthy maybe dont say i look better than i used to cuz i was v chubby

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Havent really been counting cals or logging them anyway

Just trying to not really eat a lot idk felt like i needed to try n take a step back cuz the obsession over cals only made me binge more

Its been alright

My mom want to eat at a restaurant tonight tho which kinda scares me a lot ngl

Ill be fine tho

Just need to make sure i eat and bloat as little as possible so i can look skinny at my friends party tomorrow

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Istg what triggers me most is all the tiktok ed vids talking about how they developed an ed during quarantine and lost like fucking 80% of their body weight in a fucking year

I feel like such a fraud lol

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a distant dream of being pretty and dainty

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God i still feel so fucking shitty for getting my period back

It was literally the only real symptom i had that i was still able to validate my ed with

It felt like it was the only indicator that i was doing something right and i fucked it up

I ate sm my body works..

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Im gaining sm weight i wanna fucking die

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Bought and tried on my graduation dress today

I dont actually hate it but I gained weight and it scares me

My mom commented on my ‘slim figure’ again and then said I shouldn’t lose anymore weight tho (out of concern ig)

Idk

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Im trying to be less strict with restricting food I actually wanna eat but at the same time im slowly brainwashing myself into hating certain things

Very slowly but surely till i only like fruits and vegs lol

Im slowly working my way thru chocolate rn but im first doing it with certain types of chocolate like so far i now rlly dislike chocolate spread and chocolate sprinkles for on bread

And its already a lot easier to not eat sm chocolate anymore cuz im genuinely like “I actually dont enjoy it that much”

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Went shopping with my friend and she got mc donalds and I refused😩

The power i hold omfg

I looked sus as hell tho cuz i was tryna explain myself by blaming it on my meds but i just made myself look even worse lol whatever tho

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Diary post?

Had a small existential ed crisis where i wanted to recover but i rlly just refuse to recover before im anything but half-dead

Yesterday my net cals was -153 and im currently 18 hours into my fast and apparently im home alone with dinner so i can go even longer

Im also going shopping with a friend today so I’ll hopefully get a lot of steps in but im rlly scared she’ll also want to get something to eat. Tho we both kinda know of eachother that we ‘lowkey’ have an ed so out of competitiveness she probs wont bring up food as long as i dont

Aannndd i have my last soccer match tomorrow and my teammates wanted to all get pizza afterwards and i rlly wanna go bc its fun but i reaaaalllyyy dont wanna eat pizza rn… and we’re just gonna get it at the cafeteria at our club so its also not like i can just silently order a salad cuz im pretty sure they dont have anything other than pizza, fries and grilled cheese sandwiches…… fuck me

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I got my period….

A full blown fully functioning body type period

I hadn’t had one in 4 months but i guess i was eating worse than i even thought these past few weeks

Fasting 24 hours rn maybe even longer if i can

I want to fucking kill myself im so fucking mad

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Im hungover and i wanna die but i suddenly also have a weird motivation to do chloe ting workouts every day for the next week so i can really look my best in a croptop at that party

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Had a binge day yesterday (i fuckjng hate how i literally had three good days and then a binge day already)

But i have a party next week and ppl who i used to be friends with before i changed schools are gonna be there incl my ex who wanted an ed so she could lose some weight

(God forgive me for being so toxic) im gonna show her i could do it and she couldn’t even if she had really tried so get fucked

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