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Heard this stupid dad joke that killed me: Which Chinese word takes the longest to write? "Friend" (朋友) because it takes two months just to write half of it

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I love that I share my house with one of the most efficient apex predators millions of years of evolution could produce. I love that two of nature’s most prolific machines met and were like “hmmm. We should lay around and do nothing together”. Now we’re both fat and happy and full of meat. The hedonism of it all

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if you ever feel awkward leaving a long ao3 comment getting no reply remember that at this point receiving any feedback at all will leave most authors too stunned to speak

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Parker said in The 10 Lil' Grifters Job, "This place reminds me of my first grab...She had all these shoes."

At the end of The Nigerian Job, she asks Sophie, "What is it with women and shoes?"

Leave it to Leverage to bring things to a full circle in a very roundabout way.

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Wait hang on. Do ~christian kids ACTUALLY believe that santa is real? I thought that was just in movies??? Like, is "being shocked to learn santa was your parents" a real thing that really actually really happens in real life??? I thought it was like opening the door and setting out an extra cup of wine on passover. Obviously the prophet Elijah isn't actually going to walk in and take a sip. Obviously "santa" is your parents playing pretend. You're all just doing a bit, right???

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A Lich Lord covered his head with rags and disguised himself as a cleric, then joined the heroes' party. His reasoning? He was bored and wanted to see the world without instilling fear.

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Women's deodorant is like "oh I smell like lavender, rose, and hint of vanilla" and men be like "COMMUTATIVE DIAGRAMS AND THE AXIOM OF CHOICE"

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i hope you write (i hope we both write)

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Hack for if you're struggling with ADHD paralysis and you can't get started on a task:

Step 1: Add some silly rule to the task to make it more interesting and whimsical.

Step 2: Pretend Sam Reich just told you to do it.

Here are a few examples that have worked for me recently.

(Bonus points if you can hear the setup in your head. "Alright, players, for your next challenge" 🎶ding🎶)

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[Hardison: Hey, hey hey. (hands out sheets of paper) I bought tickets to London, Rome, Paris and Sao Paulo all matching the IDs that you gave me.]

I love this scene (well, line, really) so much. Like Hardison hardly even knows these people here. He’s done like one job with them and didn’t even get paid, and the other three are just venting about Dubenich while also sniping at each other, while Hardison is just silently booking them all tickets

then the “hey, hey hey” here he’s defusing the argument between the other three and handing them all tickets that he booked for them under their IDs, even though he didn’t even get paid, none of them got paid, like, it’s just this love-first-ask-questions-later attitude and it’s just so much.

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Leverage (US TV 2008) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Alec Hardison & Eliot Spencer, Nathan Ford & Alec Hardison, Alec Hardison & Parker, Sophie Devereaux & Alec Hardison Characters: Alec Hardison, Eliot Spencer (Leverage), Nathan Ford, Sophie Devereaux (Leverage), Parker (Leverage) Additional Tags: Season 1, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Team Dynamics, minor references to the big bang job at the end, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, I mean it’s season 1 nate what do you expect Summary:

Hardison may have never worked on a criminal crew before, but he’d played enough co-op games and RPGs to know that it was a good idea to learn your teammates’ enemies. If someone came after one member of the team, the rest often got caught in the crossfire. Early in season one, Hardison asks each member of the Leverage crew if they have any known enemies he should keep track of. The conversations don’t go the way he expects.

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back on my weird leverage AUs (this is another darker-than-canon AU)

AU where the events of the pilot episode happens three years earlier, when Eliot is still working for Moreau (but it's towards the end of this period, when he's already starting to question whether he can live with himself like this).

(Let's push up the timeline for everyone else, so Nate lost his son three years earlier, etc.)

Since Eliot isn't on the market, Dubenich hires Quinn as the hitter. Quinn does like guns, and is a little more cheerful, but a little more skittish, but mostly things are the same.

The thing is, Moreau, with Eliot by his side, is much more careful. Eliot never tells anyone about him, and neither does anyone else, so even though this Moreau is just as powerful and influential as he is in canon, hardly anybody knows who he is.

A few months in, the team accidentally end up in Moreau's crosshairs by unknowingly doing a big job against a company that Moreau secretly controls.

They had no idea what they were up against--None of them had even heard of Moreau, except Quinn (who used to work with Eliot on-and-off, before Eliot worked for Moreau), but even Quinn doesn't know anything about Moreau other than that he's Eliot's employer. (He knows that much because Eliot tried to recruit him for Moreau once several years back, but he wasn't ready for the commitment back then.)

So anyway, they really kicked the hornet's nest on this one, and now this little rag-tag team is being hunted by Moreau's private army led by Eliot fucking Spencer, uh-oh, they're all gonna fucking die

(Eliot and Quinn didn't part on bad terms, but they were never really friends, either. They trusted each other on the job and shared the occasional post-job meal or drink, but they weren't friends beyond that. They were certainly not friendly enough for Quinn to think Eliot would go easy on the team on Quinn's account when he catches up to them.)

(Also Quinn knows Eliot well enough to know that it's when, not if, Eliot catches up to them.)

I'm really just imagining a scene where Eliot closes in on Quinn and Hardison, and Quinn, injured and out of ammo (and didn't have a better than 30% chance of defeating Eliot in hand-to-hand combat even on a good day), begs Eliot to let Hardison go, like, "Please. He's nineteen--a teenager. You don't kill kids, right? Teens included?"

(Back when Eliot and Quinn worked together on-and-off, they still sometimes took jobs working against each other. One such time, Eliot didn't kill Quinn when his job would have been easier if he did, and when asked about it, cited "I don't kill kids. Teens are included in that," as his reason, much to then-19-year-old Quinn's annoyance.)

(Quinn knows that Eliot was just teasing him back then--Eliot was only 25 himself back then and older, armed teens like Quinn were not included in "I don't kill kids".)

(And anyway, based on the rumours, Quinn is pretty sure Eliot left the realm of "I don't kill kids" a long time ago.)

(But look, he's about to die. This annoying, brilliant teenaged hacker who managed to embarrass Damien Moreau (and, more impressively, has almost wormed his way into Quinn's non-existent heart) is about to die. Quinn is desperate.)

(Quinn certainly isn't expecting it when this last-ditch plea actually works.)

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