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I really want to throw up my dinner tonight.

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I spent £60,000 on a Masters degree in Maths purely for shit like this.

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Sometimes, the customer is right. Sometimes, lazy-arse employees need to buck up and do their jobs properly, or the customer will (rightly) get them disciplined. No place for incompetence in any job, whether or not what you do is important.

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Youre so fuckn pretentious my dude

Very insightful, mate. At least I can type?

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The after-tingle of a knife is fucking orgasmic

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Welcome to this week’s edition of ‘People Who Shouldn’t Have Had A Fucking Kid Then’

Help Needed URGENTLY

I’m a mother of one, an 11 week old boy, and I’ve just had a letter through my door stating that I owe money due to an overpayment of benefits (which I was unaware of). The outstanding amount is £256.59, of which I can only afford roughly £150, otherwise I’ll have no money left to get my son’s milk, nappies etc. That leaves around £100 unaccounted for and I won’t receive anymore payments until I’ve paid the owed amount. I’ve reached a stalemate.

 I know this isn’t the best way of approaching things but I’ve exhausted all other means of help getting the initial £150 together. 

 If ANYONE at all could help out, whether it’s £5 or £50, it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t absolutely desperate. Once the debt has been paid and I receive my next payment (due on the 16th of this month), then I’ll happily refund your money to you.

 My PayPal: PayPal.me/carlawillett (it has my old URL on it, but it’s right).

 I apologise for this post but I’m at the end of my tether. All I want is to be able to care for my son without any hassle. Thank you all.

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Tune out. Everybody has had a moment in the workplace where, staring at the computer screen you’ve heard conversations in your native language going on behind you and you’ve not been listening, but you’ve heard it, so you don’t understand it but you know it’s there. That’s it. You don’t need to ‘unlearn a language’.

It’d be interesting to hear what a language you know fluidly would sound like if you couldn’t understand it. But you can’t really unlearn a language so you’ll never know.

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Nobody has ‘always been overweight’. 

There must be some overweight people who have the most amazing facial bone structure and the perfect jawline but they don’t know about it because they have always been overweight.

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I support Catalan independence.

Don’t get me wrong, I know very little about the region and how it presents itself beyond wiki and the news. 

But I am Irish. I’m from a border town. My great grandparents were shot at by British forces in much the same way as voters today are being shot at by Spanish police. We’ve been striving for over four generations for our independence, and still we’re only 81% out of their clutches.

So I will always support the desire for independence in other nations, because nobody should have an identity forced upon them that they don’t represent.

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Not to be literally Hitler but I might have a different opinion than you.

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"You'll have to introduce me to these people or else it's not a flock" I, the master authority, hold all the power to whether a group of people with a certain mentality can be defined as a flock of not, and the only thing which will define them as such, is whether I introduce them to you or not. Now who's the smart ass you dumb cunt

You’ll have to forgive me, mate. That reply was typed at 5am when I was still feckin’ smashed from drinks last night. The statement was supposed to be “You’ll have to introduce me to these people, then, or else it’s not MY flock”.

If I’ve never heard of these people, then we don’t have kinship enough to be a flock.

And I mean, I’m defining a flock as it is in (a) the Bible (I was raised Catholic) and then (b) in farming (I was also raised a farm-girl. If we want to get technical we can compare to dictionary definitions too, but I’m a banker not a lawyer.

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Your flock is the group people make fun of on r/iamverysmart

You’ll have to introduce me to these people then, or else it’s not a flock. The point of a flock is that they are shepherded by the same person or thing: the ‘hive mind’. 

And I never claimed I was ‘smart’. I claimed I do not hold the same beliefs about key issues as the majority of the population to the extent that I cannot speak my beliefs out loud 99% of the time.

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Honestly, I still haven’t met anyone who thinks the same way I do. I’d love to meet my ‘flock’ but that’s not how this works. There’s no hive mind out there for pragmatists like there is for the bleeding hearts. Sentimentalists are shepherded by the news and TV. Who would shepherd the sensible when the airwaves are taken and speaking certain beliefs allowed can be grounds for police investigation these days?

People who use the term “sheeple” are usually just from a flock with a different shepherd.

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Alternatively: dress codes were made to introduce teenagers to expected levels of formality once they join a workforce, and to develop a sense of respect and discipline in schools.

I feel as if a dress code was not made for teenage boys, but for pervy male teachers who can’t help but look at the girls.

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Anger is poison.

Anger is a pressure that starts small and tingly in the pit of your stomach, but rises and rises until it’s clogging your throat and crackling along your arms and filling your fingers with a painful dull charge.

It pushes in on your lungs, on your guts, on your heart.

It clenches every muscle and twists and pinches at every bit of exposed skin.

It raises your blood like a tide in winter, but red hot and seething, alive and vicious and drowning you from within.

I don’t handle anger well.

That pressure, that boiled blood pulsating against its confines? I don’t know how to calm it.

The best I can do, on my own, is push the feeling into my forearms and my fingers. The legs, the stomach, the brain all survive. They’re left clearing the remnants of the storm, intact but shaken.

The rest of the feeling... I need help with that.

Shirts off. Knives ready. Time to bleed the feeling steady.

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And if you’re a non-white person, you aren’t going to understand that racism toward white people exists?

I would sincerely hope any person, regardless of their skin colour, has found a moment to educate themselves on the hundreds of examples of racism towards ‘whites’. 

It’s ignorance to pretend the murder of a Polish man in England is not a hate crime.

It’s insulting to ignore the Srebrenica massacre, a mass-killing of Muslim Bosniaks.

It’s cherry-picking to forget how commonplace ‘no Irish’ signs were even 60 years ago.

Just because you haven’t chosen to learn, it doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.

Just because you don’t allow yourself to see, it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. 

Just because you want to put all white people into a self-contained box, it doesn’t mean they’ll fit. 

You can not fully understand something until you have experienced it firsthand.

If I get a cut on my foot, you can’t tell me “it doesn’t hurt” and know for sure if you aren’t experiencing it the same way I’m experiencing it, ESPECIALLY if you’ve never been cut.

You can support and love victims and movements, but you literally cannot completely relate to them until you have experienced what they go through (on a day to day basis).

• If you’re a straight person, you aren’t going to understand how homophobia feels or affects a person.

• If you’re a white person, you aren’t going to understand the impact racism has (because you cannot be racist to a white person).

• If you’re a man, you aren’t going to understand the sexism often directed at women or how degrading catcalling is.

• If you’re a woman, you aren’t going to understand how it feels to be a man being told he can’t cry, or express emotions, or show anything but masculinity.

• If you have never been raped, you aren’t going to fully understand the feelings and trauma associated with it.

UNTIL YOU EXPERIENCE IT FOR YOURSELF.

Does that mean your love and support is lessened? No. Does that mean you don’t or shouldn’t care for these people? No. It means you shouldn’t tell them how to feel, when they’re being oppressed, or if their emotions are justified because you. don’t. know.

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How about you just don’t speed, arsehole.

I feel safer speeding during the day than at night. Every car looks like a cop car at night.