trustmeimawriter - Tumblr blog

[trustmeimawriter]

that quote like “god gave us transness for the same reason he made grapes but not wine; yeast but no loaves — so we may partake in the divine act of creation”

[trustmeimawriter]

REGULAR REMINDER THAT IT IS COMMON COURTESY TO SEND AN ASK TO THE PERSON YOU REBLOGGED AN ASK GAME FROM !! THIS PART OF TUMBLR CULTURE HAS BEEN LOST OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS SO PLEASE KEEP ASKS GAMES ALIVE BY SENDING ASKS !!

[trustmeimawriter]

REGULAR REMINDER THAT IT IS COMMON COURTESY TO SEND AN ASK TO THE PERSON YOU REBLOGGED AN ASK GAME FROM !! THIS PART OF TUMBLR CULTURE HAS BEEN LOST OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS SO PLEASE KEEP ASKS GAMES ALIVE BY SENDING ASKS !!

[trustmeimawriter]

that quote like “god gave us transness for the same reason he made grapes but not wine; yeast but no loaves — so we may partake in the divine act of creation”

[trustmeimawriter]

2024 resolutions:

1. write more

2. get even weirder

[trustmeimawriter]

[trustmeimawriter]

Last time I wrote something here I was a child.

Well, if 16 can be called a baby, but it was a decade ago. A decade, a lifetime, a personhood.

Last time I wrote something here I believed a lot of things about myself that turned out not to be true. I believed that I was a girl, that I would be a great playwright, that I was alone in the world.

But now, welcoming in the year with friends so close they may as well be family and a job in retail, I lie stinking drunk in my bed. Staring. Just staring at the Blackpool Tower Poster on my wall. Begging it to stop spinning for a second so I can relish in the comfort of my sheets and the warmth around me.

I read once that the future comes in fast before settling into the gentle present.

Oh Blackpool tower on my wall

Be gentle

I want to savour this gentle presence that 2024 has given me.

[trustmeimawriter]

there comes a time in everyone's life, when circumstances change and people burst into your sky. When your small world is turned upside down. And you have to make a choice. Because in this brand new life with your brand new stars, there is sometimes never enough space for the things and people and places you cared so much about. All the time you spent will stay with you but you need to move on. I have reached that time. I need to say goodbye.

To keep a hold of the old me will only bring harm to the two of us, She will never get rest, and I will never move onwards. And I need to move onwards or the stars in my life will supernova and I will be plunged into blackness. I need to say goodbye to the old me. I need to move onwards.

[trustmeimawriter]

Forget stardust—you are iron. Your blood is nothing but ferrous liquid. When you bleed, you reek of rust. It is iron that fills your heart and sits in your veins. And what is iron, really, unless it’s forged? You are iron. And you are strong.

n.t. (via gnothyself)

[trustmeimawriter]

I wrote this in my journal the other day, and it hit me… how sadly truthful it is.

[trustmeimawriter]

[trustmeimawriter]

[trustmeimawriter]

So here it is. One if the only pieced of Writing that I actually feel proud of! It’s a 50 prompt meme thing I did for 2 of my own characters. Dr James Walker a Pathologist and Detective Theresa Pindle. I get that most of these will only make sense in my head. so with that in mind. Enjoy! 

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#1 - Young "arn’t you a little young to be playing with dead things Dr Walker?"

#2 - Learn There was very little that Teri didn’t know about forensics. But when it came to fast food at 3 am she was willing to learn what he had to teach her

#3 - Vision Her vision went dark as she curled up beside him, resting her head on his slowly breathing chest, listening to the sound of his steady beating heart

#4 - Soul After all her logical thinking she couldn’t decide why she loved him so much. It wasn’t his looks or his money. Any naive child might think she was in love with his Soul.

#5 - Book He stared at her expansive collection as it took up 3 whole walls. The spines all faceing outward, some were new others were older. But ALL of them had some kind of postit notes or page markers sticking out from between the sheets. He wondered as she handed him his class of wine, if it was posible that she had read them all.

#6 - Naked It wasn’t the first time he had seen someone naked. So why was he so nervous and excited by her?

#7 - Thousand "That’s the 15th time your phone has gone of today. Who could you possibly be ignoring?" "I’ll tell you when I reach 1000"

#8 - Hunger "You’re Hungry" she stated not removing her eyes from the book she currently held. "No I’m not" "I didn’t mean for food" This time when she looked up he could see the glint in her eyes.

#9 - Gentle It amazed him how this unworldly cold and unfeeling woman could be so gentle.

#10 - Blur It all happened to quickly. One minute he had been standing infront of her as she droned on about the case. The next he was lying across the desk. Blood pulsing from the new wound in his shoulder. He was only half aware of Teri’s small hands pressing frimly down to stop the flow as his vision went blurry.

#11 - History "My mother doesn’t like that language" he told her as they drove to the ferry port. "German? Makes sense I suppose. To much History between them"

#12 - Wash "T do you know where…" "In the Wash dear."

#13 - Motion It was new and strange for both of them. The feeling of needing somebody, of being with somebody. They weren’t strangers to the act itself, but simply going through the motions like this made anything feel New.

#14 - Drive "Did you know that in 2012, 19,091 people were involved in Bicycle accidents. 118 were killed" "It’s a good thing I take the car now" "No because in 2012, 195,723 people were involved in Car accidents. 1,754 were killed"

#15 - Cool His words were strange to her. Since when had the likability of a bad Christmas tie be measured in Temperature?

#16 - Mad "You’re not mad at me, are you?" Teri simply shook her head at his question. James felt himself smile before her words hit "I’m not mad. I’m Infuriated"

#17 - Ghost She didn’t believe in ghosts growing up. But without him next to her she was starting to.

#18 - Wall The crimson petals decorated the canvas, a spreading wave made of dots of red paint that seemed to drip lightly as time wore on. The cracks in the plaster creating clouds in the sky as the delicate red petals seemed to float once more. Teri stood in front of the piece before regarding the hopeless sculpture beneath it. What a pity it was that the petals seemed to float away from him.

#19 - Picture "Just let me take a picture" "Why?" "So I can carry a photo of you in my wallet?" "…Why?" "That’s what Boy friends do right? Carry a photo of their girlfriends?" Teri stood still in shock as the camera flashed, a light dusting of pink coating her pale cheeks. Since when was she a Girlfriend?

#20 - Torn Torn once again between her need to be Right and her need to be human, she seeked solace with the man who could help her be both.

#21 - Wait He knew she took an age to get ready. But that was ok with him, he didn’t mind the wait.

#22 - Never "Do you think, one of these days I’ll be on the slab. That you’ll be cutting me up?" "No. I’d never let that happen to you"

#23 - Change "T. Do you have any change? I’m just gonna grab some Fish and Chips"

#24 - Sing She couldn’t hold a tune in a bucket. Neither could he. But that’s what made singing together so much fun. The fact that neither of them were better than the other.

#25 - Command He felt a blush creep along his cheeks at her command. She lowerd the spatula to his mid section never once taking her eyes of his. "I’ll tell you again Dr Walker. Take of your shirt"

#26 - Attention She didn’t normally like all the attention she got from her co-workers. But the attention he gave her felt quite nice.

#27 - Bother "Don’t bother trying to make up to me James. That was a brand new copy and you spilled Red wine all over it" "But T.." "No. Mr Holmes already drowned at the bottom of that waterfall, he didn’t need to drown in a pool of Blossom Hill as well"

#28 - Sudden "It was all so sudden. One moment she’s talking to me about something ‘important’ and the next she has me pressed against the sofa and she straddling me!"

#29 - Wrong "So the killer used the crowbar to do him in?" Davenport asked looking at the victim and the weapon as they lay on the table. "Wrong. The killer used a Pipe" "Wrong. The Victim was done in by a heart attack. The blunt force trauma was post mortem. That should explain the lack of blood splatter you two found at the scene"

#30 - God "Do you believe in God?" "I believe in many things James. But after all this time I’m not sure God is one of them"

#31 - Now He couldn’t ignore her hushed pants as she pressed herself against him, begging for his touch. He just wasn’t sure it was the best idea to do it in the kitchen. Oh Well. She did say “Now”

#32 - Fortune He was almost never fortunate in his decisions, but as he watched her walk down the aisle in a White dress, he couldn’t believe how fortunate he had been to be the one who knocked on her door at 3:00 in the morning all those years ago.

#33 - Harm They tried their best to make sure no harm would come to the other.

#34 - King "So the King and Queen ruled over the land keeping all the prince’s and princesses safe" "Is mummy the queen?" "Yes"

#35 - Last "I’m sorry you didn’t win" "That’s ok. I had you there cheering me on" he wrapped a tired on around her shoulders, placing a kiss in her soft black locks "Besides if could have been worse. I could have come last"

#36 - Stop "his heart stopped… what a stupid choice of words. If his heart had stopped when he saw her then he would have been dead. How is that romantic?" "Teri, it is just a book you know"

#37 - Safe Teri kept many things close to her heart. 1: Her Husband 2: Her Children and 3: the combination to the safe downstairs.

#38 - Eye He could always tell when she was hiding something. Maybe it had something to do with increased eye contact or the fact that she would deny it before he made any claim.

#39 - Shadow It was comforting having her watch over his shoulder as he worked. It had been unsettling for the first few weeks until he got used to it. Now he hardly ever noticed she was there. But hen she wasn’t he felt strange. Almost as if he had lost his shadow.

#40 - Power Her Nicotine withdrawal symptoms were making it difficult to work with anyone. She was tired, she was hungry, She was irritable. But with him standing beside her she knew she had the power to quit.

#41 - Fool "Murdered by the Woman he loved. What a fool"

#42 - Need "Aren’t’t you going to ask me for a cigarette?" "Nope. I don’t need it when I have you beside me"

#43 - Believe It wasn’t a case of believing in God or not. She had always felt safe hidden by the walls of the church.

#44 - One Teri wasn’t some little girl any more. She didn’t believe in love at first sight! much less the existence of “the one” So why oh why was she finding herself calling him by that title?

#45 - Precious "You’re precious to me. That’s the only thing that matters"

#46 - Hold She had a strange hold on him. He couldn’t quite explain it. Just every time she walked into the room, he could feel the air in his chest expand and tighten. Every time she spoke he swore he could hear bird song. Every time she got that look in her eye, the one she always wore when she figured something out or was close to solving a case, he could feel the temperature of the room rise, just slightly. Damn her and this vicious hold she had on him.

#47 - Child "They told me I would never have a child of my own"

#48 - Hide Deep down she was still that lonely little girl that hid behind covers of murder mystery books.

#49 - Time For one of the greatest minds of her generation, Detective Pindle was never very good at arriving on time.

#50 - Goodbye It hurt more than words could say as he watched her walk back into her apartment alone. He hated having to say goodbye to her, Especially when the night was as cold as this. James turned back to his bike and replaced the helmet on his head. Steeling himself with the knowledge that he would see her tomorrow, he climbed onto his bike and pedalled away.

[trustmeimawriter]

Try

I'm going to warn you know that this piece has foul language and slight sexual content. 

Try. That's all I ever do. I try and I try and I try. And look at me. Look at my life. 36 years old. Living in a run down flat that stinks of booze and mental cigarettes and a flat mate won't get of his lazy arse and find a job to pay for an overpriced rent on this shit hole we call home. 

I had dreams. I was going to be a top seller. The best playwrite to ever live. I had it all sorted; Find a flat: Check. Move the wife and kids in :on it. Get a job on broadway, make loads of cash, retire early and spend the rest of my days lying in bed with my wife having hot romantic sex! 

Or at least that was the plan until I found out she was FUCKING HER BOSS

SHE SCREWED ME OVER, TOOK MY MONEY, MY HOUSE, MY KIDS AND LEFT ME WITH NOTHING!!

Crazy bitch broke my heart and ripped my balls of through my wallet. Left me with nothing except this typewriter and the money for a six pack of beer. 

And I'm trying. I really am. But some times it feels like God is pissing on my head. Very funny we all get it. The world can stop shitting on me now!

And you want to know the worst bit. I still love her. Even after everything she put me through; The lying, the cheating and the hatred I know I have for her. I know that if she were to storm in here and beg for my forgiveness I would gladly give it to her. If she stormed in in her little black dress and red shoes I would take her back then and there. But I know that's not going to happen. The only person who is going to barge into this room is my lazy as fuck room mate begging me for cash so he can waste it all on cheap liqueur and cheaper women. But don't worry boy's and Girls, he says he's going to pay me back. SPOILER ALERT he wont!

I try. That's all I ever do. 

[trustmeimawriter]

The world God made

God is up in Heaven. Looking down at the world below him, the world he made for his children. 

He sighs as he lifts his hand to his head shielding his eyes from the monstrosity. 

"I made you with nothing but love" He whispers into his palm "I made you with nothing but love in my heart, You are free to do anything you wish, I gave you that right. So why my children, when I made you with love in your hearts, do you live of of hate?"

Beside him, His good Son Gabriel stands, watching and confused. As an angel all he has known is love. His love for his father, his love for his siblings and his love for the people on Gods earth. What is this Hate that he is talking about?

It's new and it's foreign. What is hate? He turns to his father, desperate for an answer to this new burning question. But the words die in the angels throat as God sheds his silent tears.

"I made them to love each other" He explains "I made them to care for each other. I sent my son Jesus down to teach them my word. The word of forgiveness and compassion. And yet Gabriel they fight in my name. Brother against brother using my name as a battle cry."

"I never wanted this. For my children to kill one another for this. My teachings are simple  are they not? Love thy neighbour, turn the other cheek. Forgiveness. I know it can be hard, but I gave them enough love to accomplish this task" He lowered his hand from his face to look the angel in the eye. 

"Tell me. Why do my Children hate each other so? Why are they fleeing to me sooner then I had planned? Why do they fight and cause scars? Why do they use my name as a barrier or a shield to hide their sins?" 

The angel merely shrugged and looked down at the world God had made. 

Disappointed.  

[trustmeimawriter]

[trustmeimawriter]

you make my world light up when you smile. When you laugh or sing the birds halt in their chorus to listen. When you reach out your hand to help others all the angels in heaven swoon in response. The way you walk the way you talk is forever imprinted on my mind. For each night I am kept awake by wonderful images of you running though my dreams, your beautiful hair flowing in the non-existent wind. I love you my darling. And, if I could, I would give my life just to see you smile again.

O.o thank you. who is this? I think you got the wrong person, I’m not nice at all or any of that stuff.