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*genders your bent*

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And no teeth were stolen that day

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My ex is probably out there telling the craziest stories about me. Not because I was bad or anything (maybe I was?) but because at one point every time she kissed me I’d have a tic attack so bad it looked like I was having a seizure. We ❤️ Tourette’s

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HAZEL + sarcasm (she's autistic your honor!)

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Do you check for trackers and remove them before sharing links?

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every time I see Bo burnham I go. Hey. That’s Justin beiber. What’s Justin beiber doing on this comedy show. That’s so odd. Hi Justin beiber!

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The people who go "well who's going to look after you when you're old?" when you say you're not having kids are breathtakingly naive. Our next-door neighbour, somewhere in her mid-80s, has a son, grandkids, and a grear-granddaughter, and who's the one she calls when she needs help, and checks that she's not spending christmas alone? Me and my boyfriend.

Having kids is irrelevant if the answer to that question is still going to be "the mentally ill faggots next door."

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(trying to give relationship advice) from a narrative perspective i think both of you dying together would be the most emotionally satisfying resolution but i’m guessing that’s not what you want to hear

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I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

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“I asked ChatGPT-“

I asked the magical shape shifting knight in my head from a kingdom called Razzmatazz. He says you should value your own intelligence more, so you can believe in yourself and not rely on the whisperings of faulty code.

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please watch this two second clip from santa clarita diet

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2 hour conversation done wooo

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I need to project onto a fictional character. You think Marcy wu ever felt this wag

I’M NEVER GOING TO ESCAPE. IT NEVER ENDS.

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WHY

I’M NEVER GOING TO ESCAPE. IT NEVER ENDS.

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well if they never need a feral dog to come live on their property, Arf I say

I’M NEVER GOING TO ESCAPE. IT NEVER ENDS.

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I’M NEVER GOING TO ESCAPE. IT NEVER ENDS.