tryingtobemama

[tryingtobemama]

Trust in your journey. You are on your way to someplace beautiful.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin | Instagram

[tryingtobemama]

“You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life you are excited about. Don’t let others make you forget that.”

— EXTRAMADNESS.COM

[tryingtobemama]

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”

— Maya Angelou (via naturaekos)

[tryingtobemama]

7 Daily Reminders

1. My self worth does not depend on what others think and say about me.

2. My self worth does not depend on how I look or what I weigh.

3. My self worth does not depend on my marks or performance.

4. My self worth does not depend on my number of followers.

5. I am enough just as I am.

6. I can succeed despite a bad day.

7. I am beautiful and valuable – and will treat myself with kindness and respect.

[tryingtobemama]

with or without a baby, you are valuable, you are whole, and you matter

[tryingtobemama]

#quotes #inspiration https://www.facebook.com/HowToThinkPositive/photos/a.220188248063902/2307181639364542/?type=3

[tryingtobemama]

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.”

— Ralph Nichols

[tryingtobemama]

One hard battle.

If you don’t like what I have to say, then don’t read it.

These last few months have been so beyond hard.

Let me update you on this month. I was 13 days late, which is very very unusual for me. I showed no signs of starting. Took pregnancy test after pregnancy test. All negative. We’re used to this game by now because we’re almost 3 years deep of trying to conceive. We try not to get our hopes up and kept telling ourselves that the tests were wrong. Well, they weren’t. I started today. And to my surprise, I wasn’t devastated until my head hit the pillow. That’s when the tears began to fall. Why do we have to keep doing this? It just never feels fair.

We have gone to the doctor to start IUI treatment month after month. It seems like every month we go in, they find something that puts treatment to a halt. A cyst. Too many eggs. Clomid worked too good. The hardest part is finding meaning and understanding. Why is this happening?

I’m tired of these feelings month after month. This wave of depression that hits me. I am hurting for my husband. I am tired of this battle. There are days when I feel like giving up. Will it ever happen for us? Are we not meant for this? God, please show us something.

I fear that I might never get to feel the little kicks inside of me. That I will never understand the love of a mother.

It makes me want to turn away from the world.

[tryingtobemama]

“Learn to trust the journey even when you do not understand it.”

— Thedailypositive.com

[tryingtobemama]

I've been given so much,

A husband that I love.

So why do I feel incomplete?

With every test and checkup

We're told not to give up.

He wonders if it's him.

And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,

Like everyone else I see.

And I won't understand it

If it's not meant to be.

'Cause I would die for that.

Just to have one chance

To hold in my hands

All that they have.

I would die for that.”

— I would die for that || Kellie Coffey

[tryingtobemama]

“Healing is difficult because it requires solitude and some haven’t conquered the battle of being comfortable alone.”

— Meggan roxanne

[tryingtobemama]

“Stop blaming yourself. Sometimes others just need time to disconnect, it’s nothing personal.”

— s.s. (stephenstilwell)

[tryingtobemama]

UPDATE

I also did not update you in the last post.  I got my wisdom teeth out, FINALLY. That is the worst pain I have experienced so far in my lifetime. I was reading somewhere that your oral health can correlate to your fertility (don’t know if that is true or not, because meth heads can get pregnant just fine). Anyways, they are GONE! And my face puffed up so much and it took me almost, if not, 2 weeks to finally feel normal again. So, we can cross that off of the list. I went back to the doctor and got my prolactin checked again and it appeared to be normal. THEN, my husband went in and got his second sperm analysis. To say he is fertile is an understatement. His count was more then triple the average. His motility was also off the charts. The only thing that could potentially be in question would be his morphology. While this was low, the count was so high that the doctors didn't seem too concerned.  But of course, you're staring at this sheet of paper and thinking um, no that’s not within average, therefore that must be the cause. 

Well, we were set to start Clomid this month, but husband was out of town during the time that I would need him. So, we decided that we would try IUI first to maximize our chances. Scientifically you want to believe that it would happen, but you also don’t want to just assume that it will work. I have read about so many couples who were unsuccessful with this. That is a little discouraging, but all we can do is pray, hope, and wait. 

[tryingtobemama]

IUI next cycle.

Y’all, it’s been a bit since I posted.  Anyways. Still no pregnancy. FOR ME, at least. I have heard of SEVERAL new people getting pregnant. First try or oops. Those are always fun announcements to hear.  Well, it is looking up for us. Though I am really trying not to get my hopes up. We start a round of IUI with Clomid in April. I am set to start on the 9th, so it is just up to my body from there. I am trying to ease my mind and trying to believe in success and not be such a downer. 

I could really use some prayers and advice. 

[tryingtobemama]

“You have to get to the point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else.”

— Unknown

[tryingtobemama]

“It’s better to be your genuine self, and have fewer of the right kinds of people in your life, than it is to surround yourself with those who only accept you as long as you conform to their idea of who you should be.”

— Zero Dean

[tryingtobemama]

Moving forward...

I went and had blood taken TWICE. My prolactin levels were high. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’ll find out what’s going on next month at my follow-up. HSG ✔️ Bloodwork ✔️ Ultrasound ✔️ Semen analysis ✔️ x2

That’s where we are.

Then, I get my wisdom teeth out the 19th! Nervous, but excited to be done so I can hopefully move forward with treatment and babies!

They mentioned Clomid for three months, then IUI if that doesn’t work.

The doctors got me feeling hopeful.