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These human sized shining beacons are great at shedding light and finding others. They serve as protectors of the lost, guiding the lost and weary to safety. Also just love meddling with humans in general, either helping someone they like as a faerie godparent or just to fuck with people.

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Fallen knights who refuse to pass while their duty is unfulfilled. Guarding a family, protecting an artifact, etc.. They can walk through walls, keep coming back from the dead, and can summon magical walls of force and give magical commands!

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Ok, follow me here. This is a creature is an extremely intelligent giant flat crystal that's constantly folding in on itself like origami, but turns itself into a ~10 ft (~3m) trapezoidal mirror when it sees others. They survive off magic and light, and can do so harmlessly. Its main gimmick is being able to trap a creature it touches inside itself. you're stuck in a space just big enough to contain you, never getting thirsty or hungry. So if it like you it might just keep you for a while! Up to you whether that's a good thing.

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This fey hydra goose is the size of an elephant, slightly smarter than the average person, and all her offspring are astonishingly aggressive. She lays a golden egg once per hour, which hatches into either a trinket, an angry goose, or an angry GIANT goose. So if you're going to tap it, make this a hit and run. Or bring meat, as she was born of hydra blood but is know to make trades for fresh meat. Oh, and it is dangerously loud, but her Lullaby of Honks can put you under magical slumber for 8 hours or until you're shaken awake. Which I know does it for some of you. ALL HAIL THE GOOSE MOTHER

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Who says a lich has to go the arcane route? Instead of the usual undead rituals, these liches allow a great old one to insert a parasite from beyond the stars, snatching away its soul upon death and spitting it back out a few days later. The tentacle is venomous, and the lich's telepathic whispering can leave you stunned! And of course it has plenty of magic like teleportation and creating a spectral hand.

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TRUE how could I not notice that!

The Archon of Boundaries is a fusion of paladin and mount, guarding the border of the wild world of the fey. They are guardians of those who dare cross into it. I'll be real, power wise what you see it what you get. Like they're super tough and can stab real good but the picture's al you're getting.

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The Archon of Boundaries is a fusion of paladin and mount, guarding the border of the wild world of the fey. They are guardians of those who dare cross into it. I'll be real, power wise what you see it what you get. Like they're super tough and can stab real good but the picture's al you're getting.

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Right, guess I should explain. "Monstrous compendium" is thier word for a little collection of monsters that weren't released in the normal way.. Sometimes they're made as part of a collaboration like Minecraft, sometimes they're things from the cutting room floor of a larger book. Should just take a few weeks to get through.

INTERMISSION TIME

It's my birthday, and some of y'all have waited too long for the monstrous compendiums, so I've decided we're talking a moment to go through them. The ones that fit in the rules at least, pour one out for the Beanstalk Wurm. Also not touching the Faerie Pest, they are explicitly stated to look like children and I'm not having the 1000 year old loli conversation here. do not do that to me on my birthday.

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Most minecraft creatures (that D&D statted out) aren't sentient, so you're just getting 2. The enderman a slender and tall creature that do NOT like it when you look at them. So bring a blindfold. They don't like light and are damaged by water, though it has to be at least a gallon to actually hurt it. Thankfully they're pretty docile unless you look at them. Now what gets me is that this statblock sets them as Medium, which is 8 feet tops. But in game these are around 9.5 ft (2.9 m) tall, so the statblock is just straight up wrong.

Also, bit sad we don't have more creatures that pass the harkness test from this expansion. Surprising everyone with minecraft out of nowhere was fun XD

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Yeah there was a minecraft collab a while back. Anyway, behold the enderdragon, lord of nothing. They have necrotic breath and guard thier floating wasteland of an island realm, very little information here. Says it's unclear if it's a ruler or a prisoner even, which lines up with my memory of minecraft. like 30 feet (9.1 m) long. People are going to look up minecraft and find my smash or pass blog now.

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INTERMISSION TIME

It's my birthday, and some of y'all have waited too long for the monstrous compendiums, so I've decided we're talking a moment to go through them. The ones that fit in the rules at least, pour one out for the Beanstalk Wurm. Also not touching the Faerie Pest, they are explicitly stated to look like children and I'm not having the 1000 year old loli conversation here. do not do that to me on my birthday.

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On the left, the Skulltaker! These whirling skeletal vortexes are formed from the amassed remains of fallen hikers and trailblazers. Up to 32 ft (9.8 m) tall, these are the manifestations of starved delirium and blunt pain. They know everything their components knew, they make you feel as drained and weak as they once were, and they whip up winds that can rip away climbers and make even walking difficult. And of course do things like make sharpened bone erupt from every surface within 100 feet, but those kinds of attacks aren't really useful for our purposes.

On the right, the Choral angel! Typically these are ascended bards and performers, but anyone who likes music can work thier way up to being one. Being near one strengthens your ears against loud noises, thier magic is all about uplifting others and improving your abilities, and if multiple are around they can calm your emotions or embolden you!

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Yeah there were a decent amount of little changes like that, either in name or design. Liches have soul cages instead of phylacteries, golems now have unique names and ways of operation, naga look more like the fully serpentine depictions in myth, etc.

On the left, the Stone Bulwark (formerly stone golem) is a masterpiece statue come to life to serve whatever purpose it was given. No size limit, so while most are a bit larger than people they can be absolutely massive. They also constantly summon marble pillars around them to shield themselves from others, so always privacy if you want it! They come in all sorts of shapes too, there are variants for snakes and hydras for example. The old version could also paralyze you temporarily, but given it did that by punching you with a giant stone fist I don't think that's magical paralysis. I think that's just what happens when you get hit with a giant rock.

On the right, the classic Imp! The rare case of an infernal creature not being made of a soul! Hell, the Abyss, all infernal planes now just kinda spawn these, they took the place of creatures like the quasit. They're venomous, can turn into any animal under 6 ft (1.8 m) tall, and can give you an hour of good luck! Don't accept the good luck, it owns your soul if you die while you have it. These are schemers who seem all too willing to help you, because they play the long game when corrupting your soul. I mean they kinda have to, the venom's fairly weak and they're only 2 ft (61 cm) tall.

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On the left, the Stone Bulwark (formerly stone golem) is a masterpiece statue come to life to serve whatever purpose it was given. No size limit, so while most are a bit larger than people they can be absolutely massive. They also constantly summon marble pillars around them to shield themselves from others, so always privacy if you want it! They come in all sorts of shapes too, there are variants for snakes and hydras for example. The old version could also paralyze you temporarily, but given it did that by punching you with a giant stone fist I don't think that's magical paralysis. I think that's just what happens when you get hit with a giant rock.

On the right, the classic Imp! The rare case of an infernal creature not being made of a soul! Hell, the Abyss, all infernal planes now just kinda spawn these, they took the place of creatures like the quasit. They're venomous, can turn into any animal under 6 ft (1.8 m) tall, and can give you an hour of good luck! Don't accept the good luck, it owns your soul if you die while you have it. These are schemers who seem all too willing to help you, because they play the long game when corrupting your soul. I mean they kinda have to, the venom's fairly weak and they're only 2 ft (61 cm) tall.

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jegus, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to start a fight here… i just thought maybe you didn’t notice the typo, or it was an autocorrect thing, i didn’t realize it was deliberate. sorry.

No, I'm sorry, I overreacted. I launched back into it like you'd already seen the dozen messages on the subject when like 1/4 of you weren't there for that war. It's honestly not intentional or deliberate, it's basically a spelling mistake I somewhat frequently did and just didn't notice for decades. But last year some creep did, and spent months on anon harrassing me about it. it was frankly worse than I showed since I didn't want to feed the troll too much. Sorry, it's a sore spot for me now apparently, but I should chill out about it.

I'm still not going to change how I type. But I should have actually given you the benefit of the doubt instead of lashing out over something you had nothing to do with. Sorry.

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On the left is the earth genie, the Jabali! These are 10 ft (3 m) tall gambling merchants. They're good with thier hands and respect fellow craftspeople, as well as physical skill in general. They have innate magic to create and shape stone to thier will. None of thier fellow genies' shapeshifting, but if they push you into a wall it will mold itself to restrain you. Jabali are straightforward, granting wishes directly and quickly as possible. A wish for wealth could result in being teleported directly onto the nearest pile of gold (a dragon's horde, bank vault, who knows!)

On the right is the Faydhann, the water genie! They're 10 ft (3 m) tall, strong as the ocean currents, but actually love diplomacy and flattery over strength. They're performers, dancers, musicians, storytellers! They can shapeshift into elementals, aquatic creatures, and humanoids. and have plenty of innate magic to push people around with water, create it, and control it. They can also turn invisible, and make you able to breathe in water. They do have a code of hospitality and manners they expect you to follow, but they also make you magically better at catching social cues, so it evens out. When these grant a wish, they usually do so in a way they find funny. So a wish for wealth may have you tripping over bags of loose change your whole life, or finding gold coins under your tongue.

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Oh right it's Mother's Day for like half the world or whatever. Here, have this one too. On the left, the Jaathoom are wind genies that also manipulate dreams and time! They're 10 ft (3 m) tall benevolent patrons of the arts, loving new experiences and good meals. They can fly, spawn whirlwinds to throw people around, have an aura of twisting wind, and can fill your dreams with glimpes of the future! They also have innate magic to shapeshift into birds/air elementals, cause sleep, create illusions (some even seeming tangible), and turn invisible. Those who can grant wishes prefer to do it in a grandiose way but cut corners on quality. Wish for wealth? Massive display, but it's only gold plated.

On the right are fire genies, the Ifrit! 10 ft (3 m) might-makes-right warmongers and trade emperors who build massive metropolises to draw in extraplanar travelers. They can shapeshift into fire elementals and reptiles, grow firey wings, can turn invisible, and have some firey magic too! Yeah she's a fucked up cutthroat businesswoman, but that can be hot. When Ifrits grant wishes, they are notorious for doing so in the most twisted way possible. So a wish for wealth could end with you dead under an avalanche of gold spawned directly above your head.