tutasdiary

[tutasdiary]

24th june ; 7:40pm

yesterday we received our jihawi marks, i got 16,30 :( mf gave me 13,75 on arb like bitch that's one of the languages i excel wdym 13 😂, but i sent today a " talab i3adat tas7i7" so they better give me the mark o deserve or else im gonna k word them :D. right now im just listening to music full volume with my dad's airpods!!! it's been so long since i used earphone because çagatay BITE MINE >:( OH I DONT THINK I'VE EVER MENTIONED THAT WE ADOPTED A CAT!!!!!!!!!!! we adopted çagatay the 11th june, it was a Friday!!! he's only two months old. çagatay is a babyyyyy he' s way too cute for this world i literally never thought i'd ever love a cat this much :( ALSO ALSO OMG OOOH EEEEEM GEEEE I'LL FINALLY HAVE A FUCKING IPHONE LITERALLY OMG FINALLY OMGBI DONT KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS I'LL FINALLY LIVE IN HD THANK GOD IM LIVING AND BREATHING RN 😩 oumima came to casa and has been staying with us for about 3 weeks now :> we went to beach last sunday with mima khalti fatima adnane and joumanah it was kinda fun!!

[tutasdiary]

11:49pm ; june 4

long time no see :) im here to update you. i passed the jihawi and now im on my summer break!! i spend my whole day watching anime and kdrama lol. txt just released their new full album The Chaos Chapter : FREEZE and it's so goooood literally every single song is a bop!!!!!! each comeback i like them more and more literally best bg is txt. it's getting late so im going to sleep ·͜·

[tutasdiary]

12th may. ; 1:17am

i just wanted to post smth so i posted taehyung lol. it's getting late so im going to sleep now, goodnight!!

[tutasdiary]

isn't he pwetty

[tutasdiary]

8th may ; 1:08am

today actually went fine :) when i came back from school i took maximum of rest possible by napping until iftar then i ate and helped cleaning and then i studied for a bit and went to shower and now im getting ready to sleep :D !! such a relaxing afternoon tbh.

[tutasdiary]

7th may, 7:09am

god please make this day go well, i beg you.

[tutasdiary]

3rd may ; 12:06am

today i studied a lot, i really did my best and i hope my efforts won't go to waste :( i don't feel that tired but i think i'll have to sleep right now. i took a big nap earlier, it was so relaxing sigh. i hope tomorrow goes well. goodnight <3 im so proud of myself.

[tutasdiary]

2nd may ; 10:19am

i really should start studying, i have like 29days until the final test :( i need to memories all of my history and geography lessons and also all of my islamic education lessons which is A LOT... seriously what's wrong with the government for giving us all this stuff, im just a 16yo girl trying my best to live :| . anyways i really wanna get a good grade this year.. maybe 18...if i put all of my efforts i know i can get 18/20 but i just don't have the energy to do anything right now :(. i think i'll start studying now, goodbye. i know i can do it, i'll have 18/20 on my final test i know i can do it, i WILL do it.

[tutasdiary]

https://youtu.be/nv4taVbN0us i've been watching his fancam EVERYDAY IM OBSESSED

29th april

i didn't go to school today because i had to do some little things for my id card, i didn't study at all, i felt so so tired especially because it's ramadan and im fasting. just going out for a few minutes makes me wanna die lol. tomorrow i'll have to go back to school sadly :( i really hate school haha... there's this friend who's been acting kinda weird around me lately...wtv i don't wanna think about it rn. i drank a lot of water hehe :D today's diary is so weird and random, i just missed writing here !! enhypen had their first comeback and the album is such a bop, they never disappoint. my current favorite song is not for sale, drunk dazed and mixed-up >_< fever is good too tbh :( it's so hard to choose ONE favorite song... but i think im gonna go with not for sale !! jungwon really caught my eye during not for sale, i feel like he owned the song 😭 anyways i think im gonna stop here for now !

[tutasdiary]

29th april

i didn't go to school today because i had to do some little things for my id card, i didn't study at all, i felt so so tired especially because it's ramadan and im fasting. just going out for a few minutes makes me wanna die lol. tomorrow i'll have to go back to school sadly :( i really hate school haha... there's this friend who's been acting kinda weird around me lately...wtv i don't wanna think about it rn. i drank a lot of water hehe :D today's diary is so weird and random, i just missed writing here !! enhypen had their first comeback and the album is such a bop, they never disappoint. my current favorite song is not for sale, drunk dazed and mixed-up >_< fever is good too tbh :( it's so hard to choose ONE favorite song... but i think im gonna go with not for sale !! jungwon really caught my eye during not for sale, i feel like he owned the song 😭 anyways i think im gonna stop here for now !

[tutasdiary]

13th April — 7:35am

i was being a little bit more productive lately so im proud of myself. i've done very small productive things and im very happy with them. i noticed that the more productive i get the healthiest i get. i always use to wake up feeling like throwing up and as if i was suffocating. but yesterday i woke up very happy and all smiley, the sun was peeking through my window and it made me smile so big, i realized that i really missed spring and summer :] . today i woke up a liiittle bit like before but then again it must be because i couldn't do a lot of productive thingies yesterday (i was very sleepy). all in all im very proud of myself !

[tutasdiary]

your heart feels irreparably broken, but it’s healing every day. some days are horrible, much worse than others, and you’ll feel so restless and empty. but it’s part of the healing process, and you’ll get through it. please don’t bring yourself more pain by blaming yourself, constantly thinking “if only i didn’t say that”, “if only i wasn’t like that” “maybe i was too much”, “maybe i wasn’t enough”, thinking there must be something fundamentally wrong with you, or you’ll never be enough for love. this couldn’t be more wrong. you did the best you could, with what you knew. you’re still as lovable as you’ve always been. this doesn’t change anything about you, except make you wiser. you’ll learn from this. you’ll realize things. you’ll make peace with the lack of closure, the “what do I do now with my life”and the unanswerable “whys”. you’ll delete everything and embrace the ending as a wonderful thing, a new beginning. you’ll love yourself and your own life before you love them, and fully accept that not everyone is right for you and that’s okay, life can still be amazing and I can still be whole. your heart will come back to life, and you’ll be smiling and feeling the flutters again. this pain will end, but until then, keep doing your best to keep a positive mindset, surround yourself with good things and people, and being extra good to yourself, even if you don’t feel like you deserve it. treat yourself, bake cookies for yourself, wrap yourself in blankets, and let yourself cry if you need to. you deserve it, and you will heal from this.

[tutasdiary]

april 05th 2021

before going to sleep i want to remind myself of the moments of happiness i experienced today :

— chatting / having fun with friends.

— listening to my favorite music.

— the fresh morning air.

— drinking water.

— resting.

— talking about my favorite boy and saving pictures of him.

— talking with my parents.

— having fun with my brother about aot.

— "oi oi oi erwin pp...peepee"

now i wanna tell myself to never forget these moments of happiness and i wish myself a goodnight and a good day tomorrow. may everything go well <3

[tutasdiary]

april 05th 2021

today was very tiring, i couldn't eat breakfast because i felt like throwing up because of my anxiety :( then when i went to school and met my friends i felt very happy, i felt that beautiful and very special sparkle in my chest i was so happy just seeing them. we started studying and then i went back home with one of my friend. on our way home we talked about a lot of subjects and we reaaaally couldn't feel the time passing!!! as soon as i stepped inside all of my energy vanished, i just wanted to lay down and sleep. i have so much to do but i seriously have zero motivation... i know im going to regret this later but i just can't move :( i hope tomorrow will be happier.

[tutasdiary]

first post, im going to use this as a small diary. i hope this diary will help me and other people to feel a little bit happier. i also hope i'll finally be able to genuinely pronounce my @ proudly after all of my hard work. this is aslo my first time posting something here so it feels a little bit weird since i don't really know how to use tumbler.