twdgs

[twdgs]

Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

[twdgs]

man

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my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍

[twdgs]

The mere concept of a resident evil male nude mod is so funny to me. Boy put that boaner away lest a sloppy little critter grabs hold of it

[twdgs]

i dont much interact with the fan bases around ships because i have my own very strong opinions, this is especially and potently true for rocketshipping

[twdgs]

holy matrimony is one of those episodes i know frame by frame because i’ve watched it so many times. i am the way i am partly because of that i think

[twdgs]

ONE SCENE FROM EVERY EPISODE OF POKEMON

EP048: Holy Matrimony!

[twdgs]

🔫🔪

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i like watching jerma because he could be playing a fucked up video on stream of a 3d model human blowing up into flesh and gore but then pause twice before being like "why are his shoes white. does anyone wear white shoes? i've never seen white shoes" and then the whole chat is like "you stupid bitch everyone owns white shoes"

[twdgs]

did u go protest today

good evening officer

[twdgs]

if you shot me with a gun id pribably be pretty mad but due to my laconic and forgetful nature i bet we could still be friends

[twdgs]

the things i feel about dream bbq ena are un speakable here

[twdgs]

shenanigans...

[twdgs]

any body know what kind of spider this is (finger size comparison)

i’m in gulf coast florida

[twdgs]

sick of these so called “ai girlfriend” ads that just show busty anime girls. if i’m having a true “ai girlfriend” she needs to be evil and made of metal + with wires for me to chew on