twitchology-blog

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A stream of consciousness- My Spiritual Breakdown

I’ve been feeling a spiritual block for a little while now, maybe two weeks. I put my tarot cards aside for about a week until a friend asked me to do a reading for her. I still didn’t feel like my mind was clear enough, but I pulled some cards anyway. I’m not 100% sure it made sense but I think it kind of helped lead her to a decision and/or peace of mind. SO I pulled my cards back out today, 2-3 days later, thinking it would all click. It didn’t feel completely off, but I was still getting frustrated. I put the rider-waite cards away and got out the Scared Rebels oracle cards. I got this deck a month or two ago and haven’t done much with it becuaaaaassseee it didn’t make tons of sense. I ended up using those cards for my friend too, and we both got some pretty good ideas from them (I think), so I figured I could do a three card spread with those. However, I had a mini spiritual breakdown in between decks. Well, the oracle cards ended up being pretty great. The overall message was that spirituality develops one step at a time. Trust that any progress made is real and helping your greater good. It also reminded me of the law of attraction--your mindset basically ends up determining your outcome. If I lose my patience and don’t trust the process, then of course I’m not going to get anywhere. If I appreciate where I trust that better is coming, I open myself up to anything that actually is coming my way. 

That leads to the next important step, which was when I found a “catalogue” of three-card spreads in an old email. They were all pretty general (but still allow you to get specific since it’s only three cards) so I figured it would be good practice. The cards don’t need to make sense, I just want to practice! Relaxing and taking that approach ended up leading to a powerful reading. The first spread described *possibilities, challenges, outcome* I got the two of pentacles (weighing options), seven of cups (many choices), and the hierophant (foundations). I don’t know exactly what area in my life this is referring to, since I did not have anything in mind when I asked. I deduced that whatever it is, I’m not going to be forced into doing any one thing. In fact, the worst part about it is that I’ll have SO MANY options. The world is at my fingertips. In the end, it’s me who gets to make that decision that takes me to the next level of my life. So, a little simple, a little vague but very positive. It could be a number of things, and I would be happy about any one of them happening. Only good things are coming my way. That’s encouraging. The next spread was *strengths, weaknesses, advice* so again very simple, and I got the queen of pentacles, the nine of pentacles, and the world. I get the queen and nine of pentacles a lot so this didn’t look groundbreaking at all, but still very nice cards to see. Then I realized that I tend to see the queen of pentacles and the nine of pentacles as the same type of energy. Since I wasn’t sure how to read this, if it’s saying that my strength is also my weakness...plus the world? I decided to google the meanings of these cards--something I’ve tried to get away from, since it can get me too into my head. One of the first things that came up was a website where someone did a three-card reading with the queen of pentacles, nine of pentacles, and wheel of fortune (another card I have been seeing and have been kind of frustrated with!). My jaw basically dropped when I was forced to think more about these cards, and how they relate so perfectly to my life. But, as I do, I had to look at about 5 other people’s interpretations of all three cards and integrate that with what I already knew. I haven’t been inspired to write at all in a week or two, so as I was drawing in my tarot journal (that I gave up on about a month ago after using it once),  I felt inspired.

Here’s the real point: The queen of pentacles and nine of pentacles are two very different representations of the same thing. The main thing they have in common is they have it all. The queen of pentacles is the matriarch. So if you think about a mother who “has it all,” what is she like? Probably super successful in her career, makes her own money, is extremely respected, and is also able to be really loving and giving (emotionally). She provides everything physically and emotionally. She’s a lot of people’s ideas of the “perfect” 30-40 something year old woman. The nine of pentacles on the other hand is the single one. She’s in her mid-twenties, she’s got a good job, she makes her own money, she works hard, she plays hard, she lives an amazing life. Right now, her life is all about her and she loves it. She knows she’s a badass bitch and everything she does is on her own time. It’s not that she doesn’t care about people, she just doesn’t need to worry about anyone but herself. It makes sense that I see these cards a lot because my natal chart is earth-heavy. I’m a capricorn rising with a virgo stellium (in the 9th house). I’m very independent, educated, ambitious, responsible, loyal, grounded, humble. Then there’s the stereotypical virgo stuff like I love animals and yoga buuut I don’t think that’s what the cards care about right now. What I think they want to tell me is that I’m doing all the right things for my life right now. That’s a really good place to be at, so how could that also be my weakness? Well, I could get complacent. Maybe I don’t want as much grounding and stability in the future, maybe I need to be open to change. On the other hand, I recently had a conversation with the same friend mentioned above about why I don’t get much attention from dudes lol. She said something along the lines of me being so independent and ‘I don’t need you’ that it scares people away. I don’t think I’m COLD but I don’t act like I really care about any guys. And that’s the thing--that’s exactly how I want to appear. It wasn’t until today that I questioned why I need to protect my ego so much (maybe this is where my leo venus comes in). I literally have no water in my chart, I do not do well with emotion. I’d rather think about it and be logical (earth). So to sum it up, yes it’s good to be a badass goddess, but does that have it’s downsides too? Maybe it’s okay to admit that I do want a king of pentacles. Maybe I see the queen so much because I don’t want to be the nine of pentacles forever. I like her for now though!! I want her to stay a little bit longer. 

On the other hand, do I need to stay with “traditional” meanings of the cards? In this day and age, we know that queens and kings are equal. A woman literally legitimately does not need a man to be queen. Or do I stick with the traditional meaning because in this case I think it applies? It doesn’t happen often but I know I am capable of some kind of “love.” There have been a few guys that I have truly cared about. Were they a little put off because I didn’t really show that I cared? Probably. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe that two of pentacles relates to this narrative too. Maybe I need to find the balance between the queen and nine of pentacles. Then, I have the world telling me that I can integrate these two ladies. Maybe the mash up of those two is the empress. I love the empress and would love to be the empress. When she starts showing up, then I’ll really throw in the towel and hand over my entire body and soul to tarot cards. 

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I am the queen of wands, right?

I’ve been coming across the queen of wands a lot lately. I started seeing her frequently maybe a couple months ago, and now it’s any time I read for myself (which is every day lol). I don’t know that I completely comprehend the traditional meaning of the card, but if I could be any card it would be the queen of wands. She’s vibrant but peaceful, she’s surrounded by sunflowers, and she has a cat. That would be the perfect life.

Since I don’t totally get what the card means, but I see it constantly, I’m going to read around the internet: She’s literally fertile. We know that’s not relevant right now. She’s also metaphorically fertile and that’s actually super cool. I do like to think she brings a lot of light to people’s lives. She brings a boost of positive energy where ever she goes and she makes people feel good. She leaves people and places better than she found them. Strong woman. Charming in a sincere way. She can get people to do things but not intentionally. It’s that positive leo energy --you’re a leader by example and people just want to follow you because you have good ideas. She doesn’t need to be a boss, it just happens. The cat symbolizes intuitive ability, I love it even more. She acts upon her feelings and uses her inner strength to get things done. <----that’s definitely what I need to do. 

On top of all of that, it’s just a warm, lively and fun card.

[twitchology-blog]

Sidereal

adjective 

1. of, relating to, or involving the stars

2.determined with reference to one or more stars: the sidereal day

Word Origin C17: from Latin sīdereus, from sīdus a star, a constellation

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2017 Solar Return

I’m about a week away from my solar return! I had a slight breakdown about getting older but I’m ready to say good riddance to last year’s solar return chart. It had it’s positives but it definitely hit me hard. I’m thankful for it but ready for the next step. So many changes have happened in the last couple months, and in my experience, this point in the year has been a preview of what is to come for the following year. This spring and summer have been good to me. *I am only attracting love and positivity at this point in time* anything else can gtfo. 

Sun conjunct mercury in the first house

I have sun conjunct mercury natally, in the ninth house. I attribute it to my academic abilities and being in virgo, I function at my best when I’m on top of everything. I wasn’t as organized as I like to be last year. I got by, but my mind is clearest when everything is in order. Busier/more productive me= happier me and truthfully more relaxed me. Since I’ve started internship, I’ve slowly been getting back to my old self and I now feel much more in my element. I’m hoping this is going to give me even more of a boost in this area. Actually, I would love for that kind of boost in all areas, and this aspect being in the first house could bring that.

....square pluto

Maybe I’ll reach my depths with myself. Intellectually, creatively...I’m not sure what other ways but I’ll be very satisfied if both of those happen. I know it’s a square, but I like that virgo and sagittarius energy going head to head. Stepping up my game in both signs is good no matter which one wins. This is the best way to broaden my world.

Venus conjunct mars in the twelfth house  

I know the twelfth house gets a bad rap, but (just like the eighth house) I really like it. If I could choose my own chart, I’d put a lot of planets in the twelfth and eighth houses. I do have planets there, but I think they’re really only coming to life now. I prefer that they would have always been a part of me. But...maybe it doesn’t even work that way with the mystical houses. Anyway, to me the twelfth house is dreamy and peaceful. Mars conjunct venus in leo is a spark for sure. Since my leo venus (in my eighth) was just eclipsed, I have to wonder if this is will give me clarity on my love life. Trust me, I’ve been trying to figure out that venus in the eighth house for a while now! Anyway, it looks like fun. 

....square saturn

And here’s saturn making that more serious. Turning that kind of fun into something serious isn’t bad though... With those planets trine pluto, there’s depth with this too. If the twelfth house reveals things...let’s just say I’m hopeful. I can’t imagine I have any bad karma left at this point in time. I’ve been waiting for some karmic lessons and I wouldn’t be mad if they started coming in just a week or so. My tarot deck has not been helpful to me at all, and I keep seeing the wheel of fortune and queen/nine of pentacles. I have a very clear message that I need to be patient and wait for the universe to take care of the rest. I’ve known something is coming....I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT! I can think of a couple possibilities and I believe that  a n y t h i n g  could happen. No bad vibes here at all though. I had mars in the twelfth in 2010, and I noticed my first symptoms of a very difficult disease the last couple months before my next birthday. I don’t know why, but I’m more hopeful about this time.

Moon in the eighth house

Again, something that might freak people out but it’s something I think is cool. I’m not sure what it will mean. I’ve been reading up on having another person’s moon in your eighth house in synastry and I don’t have the best grasp on it yet. It’s something very confusing and it’s made that relationship very confusing. Not completely bad--just interesting. This is my karmic person I’m talking about it...looking at this after writing all I did above, I gotta believe there’s more work to be done there. Well, I know there is. Tarot won’t tell me what the lesson is so I’ve already deduced that I have yet to learn it. 

.....in aries

Usually my first thought on aries is “intense.” Maybe this year will give me a better view on aries. Maybe I’m right! Haha...

....opposite jupiter

It’s not that tight of an opposition but it’s there. I’d think if anything it would add to the theme of expanding my awareness.

That’s about all I get from this chart right now. I see more development with my eighth and twelfth house stuff. I see me learning a lot. I see an awesome sense of self. Creativity. Brightness. Lots of fun but also stability. That’s a perfect year for me. I’m about to go light my frankincense and be a real bad witch.