two-fish-heads

[two-fish-heads]

sometimes i just. think something and immediately am like. goddamn i forgot im mentally ill. "not eating is giving me superpowers because im better than everyone else, my body knows this and thats why i havent been hungry enough to eat in 25 hours" is not something a rational person would think, i fear.

[two-fish-heads]

sometimes (all of the time) i feel like for every semester i fall behind in school, my value as a person goes down. ive spent two years of my adult life doing nothing but being a fucking failure. i couldnt even do the bare fucking minimum of passing my classes.

[two-fish-heads]

when u cry so hard in ur partners bathroom that ur nose starts bleeding 😎😎😎😎

[two-fish-heads]

wish my brain would stop telling me my body isnt real

[two-fish-heads]

sometimes it feels like my brain is slowly floating away from me. and the quickest way to force it back into my body is with pain :/

[two-fish-heads]

i know its not fixable. why do i even keep trying? i can't fix this life. it'd be better to start over. it'd be better to just be done, honestly.

[two-fish-heads]

i WANT to do a double concentration i just... don't think i have time :/

[two-fish-heads]

i think that my fatal flaw is that i would genuinely rather die from whatever than have to reschedule a drs appointment lmao

[two-fish-heads]

kinda wish my parents would just disown me already so i can kms without worrying about hurting them

[two-fish-heads]

im so fucking scared. im so fucking scared of what's going to happen in the next four years.

[two-fish-heads]

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[two-fish-heads]

i just. kinda wish i had at least gotten like. a homemade card out of printer paper or something? i'm not even worth a piece of paper folded in half with a few words on it?

why am i so selfish? why does it matter so much to me?

[two-fish-heads]

i was supposed to be dead by now. i dont know why i didnt do it. i dont know why i cant make myself do it. i prayed every night to just disappear. i started taking sleep meds constantly so i didn't have to exist. i was sobbing on my drive home from the airport because i had wanted the plane i was on to crash so badly and now i didn't know what i was going to do. what do i do?

[two-fish-heads]

nothing i say or do will ever matter. i can try and ask for help. i can try to tell people how bad it is. and all i get is no response. just absolutely fucking nothing. i just. i just wish i could get help. i wish someone cared about me enough to at least say "im sorry" or "itll be okay." even if its a lie.

[two-fish-heads]

i just wish someone would care enough to notice how bad im doing.

[two-fish-heads]

i just. wish it felt like anyone cared. at all.

[two-fish-heads]

it feels like my brain has completely forgotten how to do anything besides be negative. i want it to stop. please. i just want to go 5 fucking seconds without my brain screaming at me about how i need to fucking give up.