twolittledemons

[twolittledemons]

Cecile: *Squints* ...Shotgun Wedding?

Sylvie: School Uniforms.

Cecile:

Sylvie:

Cecile: Y’know what, those sounds about right

Sylvie: Honestly yeah

[so it took like two months but I finally remembered that this exists 🥲]

First thing you see after you zoom in is how you die

How you dying 👀

[twolittledemons]

Cecile, ramming the door down: I FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!

Sylvie: !??!?!?

Cecile: I FINALLY FINISHED KNITTING A SWEATER FOR PA!!!!

Sylvie: Oh, great! Can I see it?

Cecile: *holds up a very fluffy, bright purple sweater with yellow zigzags on the sleeves. the words “DEMON FUCKER” are on the front of it.*

Sylvie: Aww :)

Cecile: Imma go give it to him–

*in ze living room*

Cecile: *throws the sweater at Laf* GIFT FOR THE ✨PAPA✨

Laf: *picks up the sweater to look at it* *tearing up* Oh, ma fille, I love it!

George:

George: You need to be wearing that the next time Mom comes over–

[twolittledemons]

Sylvie: *crashes through the ceiling* People!! We’ve been in Britain!!!

Cecile: You mean England?

Sylvie: Same thing!!!

Cecile: Mmm. Pa said we weren’t allowed to post anything while we were there, which is why we’ve been dead.

Laf: We visited Kingston since him and George had some…family business to deal with.

Sylvie: *bouncing up and down* Dad killed some Angels!!

Laf: SYLVIE–

Cecile: I mean, he did

Laf: What did I tell you about– *sigh*

Sylvie: :3

Cecile: Oh, we also got to see Grandma. She made sweaters for us! Mine has a sheep wearing a party hat on it :)

Sylvie: *crawling up the wall* Mine has a giant cake on it!!

Laf: Why are you crawling up the wall?

Sylvie: *skittering around on the ceiling* I’m not!!

Laf: *groan*

[twolittledemons]

Cecile: Wouldn’t be the first time.

Sylvie: Aw man–

Sylvie: WAIT WHAT

[twolittledemons]

Sylvie: Good news, everyone! I ate a glowstick :)

Laf:

George: *sighs*

Cecile: *scoffs*

Cecile: Just one? P a t h e t i c

Laf: Cecile, don’t encourage her

Sylvie: E x c u s e M e ?

Cecile: You’re excused :)

Sylvie:

[twolittledemons]

Cecile, crashing through the ceiling: FATHER

George: …

George: Yes…?

Cecile: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US YOU WERE FUCKING UNCLE ALEX

Laf, who happened to just walk in: What the FUCK–

George: *flabergasted* I– wh– pROOF??

Cecile: I FOUND…THIS!!

Cecile: *shows fanart of the two of them kissing and fucking*

George: Oh…uh, dear, that’s…

Cecile: PROOF THAT YOU FUCKED UNCLE ALEX??

George: No, ah, that’s art drawn by horny gay 14 year olds, sweetie.

Cecile:

Cecile: …what?

Cecile: So you…didn’t fuck Uncle Alex?

Sylvie, who’s been sitting on the ceiling fan: I think the real question here is WHY DO HORNY GAY 14 YEAR OLDS KNOW WHAT YOUR ASS LOOKS LIKE–

[twolittledemons]

since the old version of this post was flagged for ‘adult content’…

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the enby spectrum!

[twolittledemons]

Mania: I would say your father is an idiot but technically he’s my dad too

George: -_-

Cecile: But he is!!

Laf: Cecile. Be nice to your father.

Cecile: BUT HE’S DUMB–

George: *smacks her upside the head*

Cecile: *pain* OI–

Sylvie: *eating popcorn, watching it all happen*

[twolittledemons]

Sylvie: So… Dad isn’t exactly the best at technology, even though Pa is trying to help him…

Cecile: Aaand this morning we both woke up to Dad, as Pa put it, “trying his hardest to figure out how to use a phone”…

Sylvie: But, the thing is…

Cecile: He was trying to eat the phone. He literally had half of it in his mouth and was about to swallow it when we made him stop.

Sylvie: We love our Dad, but he’s kinda fucking stupid

Cecile: Yea. And….oh god now he’s trynna eat the TV DAD STO–

[twolittledemons]

Mania: Hello children. I am your aunt. Now who wants to learn how to set a fire with battery acid and a fidget spinner

Cecile: *gasp*

Sylvie: We got the COOL AUNT!! SHOW FIRE!!!

Cecile: ARSON?? YES??? SHOW I WANT FIRE >:D

George:

Laf:

George: I knew it was only a matter of time…

Laf: *sighs*

Sylvie: Can I still eat the fidget spinners aft–

George: NO

[twolittledemons]

Sylvie: Pa showed us a “quote maker”–

Cecile: He said you can force people to say stuff–

Sylvie: Or something like that–

Cecile: So here’s some shit! Oh, and, sorry, there’s a lot–

——————————

Sylvie: ARE YOU-

George: Fucking.

Sylvie: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

George: Fucking.

Sylvie: IDIOT!

Laf: …What was that?

George: Cecile banned Sylvie from swearing, so I’m helping her out.

——————————

Laf: I'm cold.

George: Here, take my hoodie.

*meanwhile*

Sylvie: I'm cold.

Cecile: I can't control the weather, Sylvie.

——————————

*after George gets surgery and is loopy from the anesthesia*

Laf, gesturing to George: Sylvie, look what you did! You made Mom upset!

Cecile: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry!

Sylvie: I’m sorry Mom... :(

George, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

——————————

Laf: Ducks are better than rabbits.

Sylvie: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.

Cecile: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.

Sylvie: We’re not talking about flavour, Cecile!

Cecile: Flavour counts!

Sylvie: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone?

George: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier?

Sylvie: Okay, but-

George: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER?

Cecile: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!

Sylvie: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, CECILE!

Cecile: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, SYLVIE!

Laf: I- Jesus-

——————————

Cecile, Sylvie & Laf: *screaming*

George: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Laf?!

Cecile: Wait, why are you asking Pa that when Sylvie and I are also here?

George: Because Pa wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

——————————

Sylvie: Pa, we're hungry!

Cecile: Pa! What's for dinner?

George: We're hungry, Laf!

Laf, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

——————————

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Laf: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

George: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Cecile: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Sylvie: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.

Cecile: *flips the board*

——————————

Laf: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?

Cecile: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

——————————

George, throwing a pokeball at Sylvie: Sylvie, I choose you!

Sylvie, not looking up from her book and catching it: You need an Ultra ball to catch this Legendary Pokémon.

——————————

George: Laf! I can't do this stupid math!

Laf: What’s the math problem?

George: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.

Cecile, covering Sylvie’s ears, while Laf smacks George upside the head: Not gonna lie that was hella smooth.

——————————

Cecile: My stomach growled super loud in French.

Cecile: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.

Laf: Bonjour.

Sylvie: Le growl.

George: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

——————————

Laf: How late were you up last night?

Cecile & Sylvie, in tandem: Me?

Laf: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time.

Laf, to George: You.

——————————

Laf: This food is too hot... I cant eat it.

George: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: *silence*

Cecile: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Sylvie: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

——————————

Cecile: Good. Thanks, dad.

George: You just called Laf “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”

Cecile: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.

Laf: Do you see me as a father figure, Cecile?

Cecile: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Sylvie: Hey! Show your father some respect!

——————————

George: *tapping fingers on table*

Laf: *taps fingers back furiously*

Cecile: …What’s going on?

Sylvie: Morse code. They’re talking.

George: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -

Laf: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

[Translation: Yur The Cutest]

——————————

Cecile: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!

George: And here we have a capitalist.

Laf: Did you just-

Sylvie: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

——————————

Laf: I give up. I am so tired.

Sylvie: Get the emergency supply!

George: *carries Cecile and places her in front of Laf*

Cecile: *smiles*

Laf: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

——————————

*The girls are learning CPR on a test dummy*

George: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

Sylvie: No, Dad. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

George: No, that’s not part of it—

Sylvie: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?

Cecile: I would want to live with no legs.

Sylvie: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Cecile. You don’t do anything.

George: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him.

Sylvie: *pumps frantically*

George: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

Sylvie: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Laf: How’s that gonna help you?

Sylvie: I will divide and then count to it.

Laf: Right.

George: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

Sylvie: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

——————————

George: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Laf, exasperated: WHY?!?

Laf points at Cecile: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Laf points at Sylvie: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Laf points at George: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Laf: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

——————————

Cecile: *falls down the stairs*

Laf: Are you okay?

George: Stop falling down the stairs!

Sylvie: How’d the ground taste?

——————————

George: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Cecile: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Sylvie: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Laf: Girls.

——————————

Sylvie: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

George: Put spaghetti in it.

Sylvie: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Cecile: Put spaghetti in it.

Sylvie: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

Laf: Put spaghetti in it.

Sylvie: I am no longer taking suggestions.

——————————

Laf: Are you laughing at that video of Cecile and Sylvie fighting?

George: No.

George: I'm laughing at the comments.

——————————

George: Today at 7 am, Laf poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.

Sylvie: I watched Pa brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm.

Cecile: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

——————————

Laf: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

George: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Laf: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

George: But I heard a siren.

Cecile: That was Sylvie.

Sylvie: Sorry, I got nervous.

——————————

Sylvie: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Laf: Throw rocks at he.

George: Hot Dogs.

Cecile: Kill him.

Sylvie: Thanks guys.

——————————

George: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Sylvie, Laf, & Cecile: Okay.

George: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Laf: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Sylvie: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Cecile: Bold of you to assume I can die.

——————————

George: Yesterday, I watched Cecile try to eat a decorative rock from Sylvie's potted plant. Laf caught her, and told her she can't eat rocks. Cecile started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.

——————————

Laf, watching Cecile and Sylvie fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

George, not bothered by the chaos: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other.

Laf: Then... who’s the strongest out of you three?

Cecile: Dad.

Sylvie: Dad.

George: Me.

——————————

*Laf is in the kitchen and he hears a crash from the living room*

Laf, running into the living room: WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED HERE?!?!

Cecile, looking at the broken TV screen and the remote on the floor: I was trying to throw the remote onto the TV stand!

Laf: And Dad didn’t stop you?!

Cecile, pointing at a sleeping George: He’s been asleep for the past three hours.

Sylvie, walking in, oblivious to the situation: Hey guys-

Sylvie, realizing: Wait, is the TV broken? Why?!

Laf, pointing at Cecile: She threw the remote onto the TV stand.

Sylvie: Come on! That’s the 5th time this week and it’s 2 in the morning on a Tuesday!

George, waking up to see the situation: *yawns* How long was I out?

George, seeing the broken TV: OH GOD NOT AGAIN! CECILE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO!

Cecile: You were asleep! And I always take a window of opportunity when I see it!

Laf, George & Sylvie, in unison: But you broke the-

Cecile: My work here is done. If anyone asks, I was never. *dashes out of the living room*

——————————

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

George, with Cecile and Sylvie behind him: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes…three.

George: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

George: Laf FUCKING FELL OFF!

——————————

Laf: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Sylvie: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Cecile: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

George: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

[twolittledemons]

I’m drawing them.

YAYYYY–

I realized I’ve never actually given a description of what they look like so–

Sylvie on the left, Cecile on the right

They don’t have to look like that, just some ✨reference✨

[twolittledemons]

Cecile: ANYWAY– We should tell the people about us

Sylvie: What about us

Cecile: Like…

Cecile: Favorite food and colors and…what crimes we like the most

Sylvie: Well–

Sylvie: For food I know we would both kill for hoecakes and pancakes.

Sylvie: I like green,

Cecile: Love me a good purple

Sylvie: And we both like arson

Cecile: There’s just something so magical about 🔥✨a r s o n✨🔥

Sylvie: You’re only saying that because you can run into a fire and not get hurt-

Cecile: It’s not mY fault you were born a lil’ fish and I got to be a demon

Cecile: Besides, at least you don’t have- like- off-brand oil leaking out of your eye all day!

Sylvie: ShHshhHshH– Be quiet, you’re gonna wake up Dad and we’ll die for being up this late!

Cecile: Oh puhlease, we’ll be fi-

George: *breaks down the door*

George: wHAt in the GoD of hOECAKES ArE YOU TWO DOin UP THiS LATE–

[twolittledemons]

Sylvie: HI INTERNET

Cecile: DAD LET US PUT A COMPUTER IN OUR ROOM SO WE CAN CAN DO CRAZY SHIT NOW

Sylvie: WHERES THE CAPS LOCK

Sylvie: I CANT FIND THE

Sylvie: oh there

Cecile: That’s better

Sylvie: You could’ve helped me fix that y’know

Cecile: Yea but…I’m too lazy

Sylvie: n o t n i c e

Sylvie: -5 nice points for you

Cecile: …

Cecile: Shucks?