uglythoughtsuglyhuman

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

elon musk did a nazi salute twice at the inauguration, and republicans are defending him.

trump revoked executive order 11246, which prohibited discrimination.

trump put all dei employees on leave to be fired.

trump blamed the dc plane crash on dei.

trump banned all lgbtq+ flags from being hung in government buildings.

trump ordered the pentagon to cancel celebration of mlk jr. day, black history month, women's history month, holocaust remembrance day, asian american pacific islander heritage month, lgbtq+ pride month, juneteenth, women's equality day, national hispanic heritage month, national disability employment awarenessmonth, and national american indian heritage month.

trump proposed removing all palestinians from gaza, turning the area into a vacation resort called “riviera of the middle east”.

trump rolled back biden’s executive order to lower prescription drug costs for people using medicare and medicaid.

trump rescinded the $35 cap on insulin, and prices are expected to rise to $1500 a month.

trump ordered the national institutes of health to cancel their review panels on cancer research.

trump ended the guidelines to prevent ai misuse. the guidelines prevent many things, but notably it prevents production of ai child pornography.

when sean hannity asked trump about the economy, he said “i don’t care”, after campaigning with the economy as his main talking point.

trump has withdrawn the us from the world health organization.

trump is ordering health agencies to stop reporting on bird flu and halt publications of scientific reports.

trump has pardoned over 1500 people who stormed the capitol on january 6th.

trump changed mount denali back to mount mckinley.

trump signed an executive order to rename the gulf of mexico to gulf of america.

trump shut down cbp one, an app which granted legal entry to 1 million+ immigrants.

trump is allowing ice raids at churches and elementary schools.

trump announced plans to declare a national emergency at the us-mexico border.

trump signed an executive order to expand the use of the death penalty.

trump disbanded the school safety board that works to prevent school shootings. it was comprised of survivors, educators, and gun violence prevention advocates and formed after the school shooting in parkland.

trump withdrew from the paris climate act.

trump revoked all protections for transgender troops in the us military.

trump rescinded executive orders made by biden that benefited and protected women, lgbtq+ people, black americans, hispanic americans, asian americans, native hawaiians, and pacific islanders.

trump is attempting to make it legal to refuse to hire or fire pregnant women.

multiple state legislators are drafting bills to allow the punishment for abortion to be the death penalty.

trump pardoned 23 individuals convicted under the freedom of access to clinic entrances (FACE) act for their anti-abortion activism, including oftentimes violent protests at abortion clinics.

trump signed an executive order allowing deportation of foreign students who they believe express support for hamas or hezbollah.

trump announced that the us government will from here on out only recognize male and female as sexes. intersex is not legally recognized anymore.

the trump administration paused health communications to prevent the fda from announcing food recalls.

andy ogles drafted a constitutional amendment to allow trump to be president for a third term.

georgia republican congressman mike collins called for the deportation of new jersey born mariann budde, the bishop who urged trump to “have mercy” on the lgbtq+ community and immigrants during a service at the national cathedral.

six states (arizona, idaho, iowa, kansas, mississippi, and north dakota) are planning on challenging obergefell v. hodges, which would end same-sex marriage nationwide. about a dozen more states have representatives are also considering filing similar resolutions.

amazon revoked protections for lgbtq+ and black employees.

the cdc has removed their hiv prevention page.

the united states state department has officially changed its “travelers with special conditions” page which previously said “lgbtqi+ travelers” to “lgb travelers”, completely getting rid of the tqi+.

every single republican told us we were overreacting. trump swore he had nothing to do with project 2025 yet continues implementing details outlined in it. not a single person has the right to tell us we’re being dramatic anymore.

hope “cheaper eggs and gas” was worth it.

EDIT: i removed the “trump refused to swear on the bible” point because it was being taken as me being an offended christian. i’m not christian, im agnostic. the reason i included it in the first place is because he’s the first president in history to ever refuse to swear on ANYTHING. meanwhile his “conservative christian” followers had no issue with this, and decided to continue to scramble for excuses instead of admitting he may not be as religious as he claims he is. i figured taking that point out entirely is probably better than filling this with an explanation in the middle of the other important issues.

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

sometimes i don’t want to be reasonable. or pretty. or pleasant.

sometimes i want to be bitter and left alone.

there is a certain comfort in being ugly.

[uglythoughtsuglyhuman]

05/08/2021

My father is a person who I respect and love so much. Probably more than any person in this entire world. I don't see that ever changing, even upon my deathbed.

That being said, he was raised in a vastly different household where all manners of abuse, (physical, mental, and emotional) were considered a norm. Worse still, it was encouraged by his society as "discipline", and he, (along with so many others), have suffered for it.

In innumerable ways, he's done right by me, breaking the cycle of both poverty, sexism, and physical abuse. He's given me an extremely happy childhood. He's provided plenty. He's my best friend. (He always will be).

There are times, however, that instead of asking me directly (or simply stating his thoughts in order to convey his concerns), he instead gaslights, goads, or insults me based on an incorrect assumption.

I suffer from near consistent stress, (clinically diagnosed) depression, and extreme bouts of debilitating anxiety. To be honest, I think I'm doing alright, all things considered, but I'd be lying if I said I did not use anger as a crutch on the more difficult mornings when I cannot find neither patience nor motivation to be reasonable or understanding.

Last night (at 4am) and this morning were such instances.

He eavesdropped on a conversation with a friend about a shared interest, (about fiction - think book plots), and assumed (incorrectly) that I was pouring my heart out to a stranger online. Instead of stating his concerns or listening to me when I told him that his assumption was incorrect, he instead fell back to what he knows: irrational, unreasonable behavior.

Upon waking up this morning, guilt followed his wake, as it tends to. He tried to approach me.

I was not ready for any kind of reconciliation, and thought that acting aggressively was justified, given that I had no patience left in me to be stretched.

It got ugly, quickly.

Although everything I said was valid and true, I used honesty as a weapon, pairing it with blatant frustration and disrespect as I deliberately goaded him into an argument I knew his principles would render him helpless to avoid.

And although I was wrong for this, I was unfortunately incredibly effective.

My strategy worked, I got what I wanted, and the argument devolved.

Next thing I knew he was miming throwing or hitting me with objects. (Let it be known he's never hit me in my entire life. I never once considered the thought that he would start now. And if by some unbelievable lapse of judgement where he were to start, I trusted that I could physically fend him off, seeing as I have 55 pounds over him and am stronger.)

Like I said, I didn't actually believe he'd hit me. We didn't have that kind of relationship. However I was still angry, so instead of flinching or crying, (I do not cry. I have never cried after the age of 10. I will unpack this later with a therapist.), I stood my ground.

In my anger, I'm sure it looked like disrespect. In my hubris, I'm sure that's exactly what it was.

All in all, I would like to close this out by saying, I was partly at fault, and that I'm sorry for what I contributed.

But I am also still incensed at his behavior.

He raised me well enough to know not to accept abuse / attacks / disrespect of any kind from anyone.

I learned the lesson a little too well. I practice that now. Unfortunately, in this singular instance, "anyone" meant him.