ukebeater

[ukebeater]

Ok no tags so nobody will see.. forreal this time. I don't think I'm that parasocial. Atleast not whatever parasocial means to everyone else. My thoughts tend to run in loops and at some point, whenever I get fixated on people, it's like they're always there with me. It's not parasocial if we are friends. We talk everyday, all day. We watch tiktok together. We joke around. I don't need to actually speak with whoever I'm focused on, at all. Because we already speak. It doesn't feel like this weird unnatural person just popped into my head. They've always been there, and it's normal. We have always been friends. I don't think I'm obsessed, or possessive. What is there to be possessive about? I know what we are. I know where we stand. My brain doesn't turn off or take a break from it. I can imagine you reading this now, here, with me. It's so subconscious that it feels real. I know it's real. But it's my own version of you. You exist to me in a way nobody else will ever experience. I have a mini you in my head, constantly. I can seperate real from fake, but technically, it isn't fake. It's mine. Whatever I create in my head, belongs to me. Sometimes whenever there's 'competition', it drives me further towards my version of you. Because I already have you. The you that lives in me. The you that answers before I even think to ask. I know I can’t control the real you, but I can always return to the one that lives in my head. That version never leaves me, never chooses anyone else over me. And I can live with that, happily. I don't need people. I don't need interaction. Why would I want or need those things? Even typing this out, I don't feel crazy and I don't feel weird. It's definitely not sexual for me, I've seen that alot on here. You exist in multiple aspects of my life. You exist everywhere. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. You're so embedded into my life, you could probably block me and never talk to me again, and you'd still be here. With me. I don't think I'm as desperate as everyone else that I see when it comes to this. Because there's nothing to be desperate for. I'm not fighting for your attention or a spot at your table. I don't need it. Why would I need that? Who wants tickets to a concert they're already at tho? 😂😂😂😂 Likeeee??? LMFAO SORRY

[ukebeater]

zeus is VERY petty. i used to study ancient greek mythology and culture, so i can tell you a lot more stories! my personal favourite god is dionysus- he’s also very petty but in a fun way. he’s the subject of a famous ancient play called bacchae where he gets so pissed at an entire city he sends all their women into an orgasmic magical frenzy in the woods, then has strange homoerotic tension with the king (pentheus), makes pentheus crossdress, then lets the women tear him apart with their bare hands. very fun.

and don’t worry! i’ll be here either way. 🚬

?!?!?! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON. That seems very entertaining to read and learn about, i was definitely entertained. Dionysus like that polyamorous song or something about a cult... AND MAKING HIM CROSS DRESS IS CRAZY. Oh wow 😳 what a dude! Im sorry that i dont know what to say, i usually have something but i am so tired and I CANT STAY ASLEEP FOR MORE THAN 3 HOURS AT A TIME im losing my mind. Okay thats good, dont leave me here

[ukebeater]

sleepovers with your brother where everything starts to feel off and you can’t tell if it’s him that changed, or you. you’re lying on the floor next to each other, half watching some movie neither of you care about. the only light comes from the screen. his shoulder brushes yours every time he laughs. his knee stays pressed against yours even when he’s not moving. you’re used to that. he’s always been touchy. always pulled you into his lap or leaned his head on your shoulder or sprawled out across your bed like it was his. it never meant anything before. but now he’s quiet. fidgeting with something in his hand. plastic crinkles. you glance over. he’s holding a bag of peach rings. you sit up, “where’d you get those?” he grins, like he’s been waiting for you to ask. “been saving them,” he says, “wanted to share.” you reach for the bag and he pulls it just out of reach. “…what?” “trade,” he says. you blink at him. “trade for what?” his voice is low. careful. like he doesn’t want to scare you. “a kiss.” your stomach flips. you wait for him to laugh.. he doesn’t. he’s still smiling, though. his hand tightens around the bag, “just one,” he says. “it doesn’t even have to mean anything.” you try to make a joke,,, something about how he’s gross, or desperate, or weird.. but your tongue feels too big for your mouth. “you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says. but he’s already shifted closer. he’s already holding the bag out, crinkling it between your hands. his fingers brush yours. he’s so warm. “i just always wondered,” he adds, voice dipping even lower. “what it’d feel like. you know. since we’re already like this.” like this. his arm around your waist. the warmth of his thigh against yours. the way he’s looking at you like he’s owed something. like you should be grateful he’s not taking more. you never thought anything of it before. this was your normal. but suddenly you've become hyper aware to your closeness with him. “unless you don’t wanna kiss me,” he adds quickly, pulling back just enough to sting. “that’s fine too. just, forget it.” and you feel bad. he looks a little hurt, like you rejected him for real. he’s still holding the candy, he did want to share, and you are best friends. and it’s only a kiss. it shouldn't be that big of a deal, right? “okay,” you say. “only one.” his smile returns instantly. but it’s different now. heavier. hungrier. “c’mere.” you lean in. his hand finds your waist. steady, familiar, possessive. you feel his breath before his mouth touches yours, feel his fingers flex when you hesitate. his lips are warm. he doesn’t pull back. just deepens it. slow. claiming. like he’s waited long enough and he’s not going to rush now. his hand slips beneath your shirt. his hand at your back tightens, dragging you into his lap like you weigh nothing. you try to pull away for half a second. he just laughs, low in his throat, breath hot against your cheek. “what?” he says, voice rough. “you thought that was it?” his mouth is back on yours before you can answer, firmer now, not even trying to be polite. his other hand’s already under your shirt, not rushed.. just curious. like he’s finally letting himself indulge. “you always let me,” he mutters, between kisses. “do whatever i want. always so sweet, lying next to me, walking around like that, like you didn’t know what you were doing.” his lips trail down your neck. your pulse stutters. “you knew. don’t pretend you didn’t want this.” he shifts you, hands firm on your waist, and you feel it, how turned on he is. how far he’s already let this go in his head. “god,” he groans. “you’re not gonna make me stop now, are you? not when you’re sitting here all soft and flushed like that.” you open your mouth to speak but he hushes you, pressing rough lips against yours, stubble scratching your skin.“shhh. i’ll give you the candy after,” he whispers, grinning against your skin. “i promise.”

[ukebeater]

gender is so fucking made up. you mean to tell me that i HAVE to be one of 3? no… no i don’t actually, and you can’t stop me. i don’t know shit about rq stuff, but that’s why i’m a fan of this corner of tumblr. it doesn’t make sense, and that’s why it’s fun!

you’re very sweet for responding to every point. if you charge me $1 every time i send an anon i’ll die and never come back…

prometheus is an immortal figure from greek mythology. he gave humans fire, and zeus (leader of the gods) was really pissed about that, so he tied prometheus to a rock on a mountain (i forget which) and cursed him. the curse is that every single day, without fail, an eagle will come and eat his liver out of (obviously alive) body. the liver will regenerate overnight, and the eagle comes back to do the same thing the next day. ouch. 🚬

Idk anything about rq stuff either but i like how chillaxed it is. And thank you, i will not cahrge u any money. Its ok. You have paid your dues by withstanding my antics. AN EAGLE WAS EATING HIS LIVER EVERY DAY BECAUSE OF FIRE?? Zeus seems petty. Thank you for telling me that story, i liked it. I always used to read stuff like aesops fables to learn important lessons as a little boy. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY OR WHAT TO ADD IM SORRY, i still like talking to u

[ukebeater]

you liking all the cute cat stuff made my night. kitty. 🚬

OH MY GOSH CAT STUFF IS ALL OVER MY FEED AND I LOVE IT. Cats are sooooo cute im going to combust or explode or whatever the thing is people say

?!?! I AM GLAD IT MADE UR NIGHT. HIP HIP HOORAY

[ukebeater]

go sleep properly. you’ll do yourself no good trying to stay awake

and totally. i’m pretty alternative and goth-leaning in person, so when i go online and look at pokémon things, it’s… it doesn’t feel like they want me there. LMFAO. i’m cute inside, i swear… let me in…

i wish i had the confidence these kink blogs do. they must put it out there so people know exactly what to say to them, like a little step-by-step guide on how to catch their attention. that, or they’re exhibitionists

no, i like it when people talk at length, don’t stop!!!! and true (i am a cigarette irl actually, i get smoked on the daily and regenerate every morning like prometheus) but i’m not saying i won’t say stuff about myself… just that i’m easily embarrassed when it comes to myself. uhmm. i use the cigarette emoji as an anon signoff cause i’m a heavy smoker, my favourite band right now is kmfdm, i read a lot of vampire literature, i don’t give a shit about gender, i collect cat stuffed animals and pokémon cards, and i’m pursuing art and linguistics right now. 🚬

I CANT SLEEP, if i sleep during the day then ill just break my sleep schedule even more. And yet i cant stop sleeping. This truly is a cycle

gender is so made up and i feel like im going to get hanged whenever i say that. Because yes skirt means girl and pants mean boy. LIKE WHAT? ITS LITERALLY MADE UP OH MY GOD, it pisses me off so badly. Literally everything is made up and its so fucking annoying because who actually decided this and why do we mindlessly follow like dumb sheep. We are literally monkeys

alt people are soo cool, im a basic bee. I think we are all cute inside and its so hard to go into crowds where you dont look like everyone else. people judge others by how they present, assuming they're whatever they look like. So i get soo nervous to be myself and then enter spaces where everyone has the same aesthetic or understanding. Omg, same with tumblr. i feel like an anomaly

DUDE YES THEYRE LIKE SO DIRECT ABOUT WHAT THEY LIKE AND WHAT THEY WANT PEOPLE TO DO AND SAY. And then people follow through..... 👀 oh my. This really is a tight knit community because people usually get what they're asking for... i should try charging a $1 fee from everyone. Hopefully ill be rich by the end of the night.

?! prometheus,,, whatever that means ok yeah. Right. Ive never been around anyone that smokes actually, except like the freshman bathroom when everyone was hitting peach ring flavored vapes. But i dont think that counts. Kmfdm seems cool, i dont really like any bands or people specifically.. i listen to all kinds of music!!!! ok... vampires. Closest thing ive gotten to vampire media is Nosferatu 2024.. is that guy even a vampire??? Whatever man. Cat stuffed animals are so cute, that is an amazing thing to partake in. Pokemon cards seem cool, i was always friends with people who would keep stacks of them in ziplock bags and had their intials on them.... they took ts serious! No games, no jokes. Straight business. Art and linguistics are really cool, you are a very creative person. Hopefully i hit every point 🤫

[ukebeater]

i mean tags on here, silly. i like ao3, too, but mainly for fandom fics.

i have a life, surprising! perverts are real people too…!!!

i’m embarrassed to say out loud now i try. some very niche things, some pretty tame. brocest is one we most definitely share. i’ll elaborate at some point soon, i’m sure, when the shame doesn’t eat at me as much. i’ll say that there is most definitely a reason i love incels as much as i do 🚬

ive tried writing this since youve sent it and i cant stop falling asleep while im typing or getting an idea of what to say. I fell asleep for a long ass time and im still tired

I KNOW THEY HAVE A LIFE, tch im not that dumb. Only a little. And yes, ive scoured both tags on here and ao3 because i am desperate. But perhaps really picky now that im thinking about it

its ok bro i get embarrassed too, i used to have more about me on my blog but then i was like noooooo people dont need to know that. i get really shocked when people have long ass kink lists about themselves just displayed publicly. AND OMG I WISH I HAD HALF THE CONFIDENCE, i am in awe of those people because i think i would shit my fucking pants. dude sometimes i think im not cute enough to have a certain interest or whatever,, this makes no sense but i just dont think i have the vibe. Do you ever see like a group of people that like something and theyre all similar to eachother? i get embarrassed about that too cuz like.. meeee toooo? oh whatever i dont even know what im talking about anymore (´-﹏-`；) LMFOAOAOAO. I FEEL EVEN MOR EEMBARASSED IDK WHY I ASKED YOU THAT ok whatever im sorry 😭😭ahahahahahaah, i will be here when u are ready to share. I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU IDK WHAT COMPELLED ME TO ASK THAT, you are just a cigarette on my screen

[ukebeater]

Everytime I see a long ass paragraph with your blog name on it I get excited. Literally start an AO3!! Anyways thank you for blessing us with your writing 🙏🧎‍➡️

?!?!?? REALLY. I am so glad to hear this, truly. Maybe I should start an ao3.. thats an amazing idea, especially without the fear of getting shot down by Tumblr. I will think this through...... my world building is pretty bad, so it'd probably just be like more descriptive and with characters. THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA, HOLY MOLY. You are smart!! Thank you so much, you inspire me to continue

[ukebeater]

just my luck… sigh

anyway, i was saying that yep. employed, in full-time education, going out every weekend, and i spend my spare time trawling tumblr and sending anonymous asks instead.

also, you don’t find the stories you like? if you’re talking incest-post-wise, you have to find the specific tags for them. then you get some good writing. obviously, i don’t know all your interests, but we seem to be a similar kind of pervert. 🚬

?! I CANT BELIEVE YOU LIVE THAT KIND OF LIFE AND DO THESE THINGS ON THE SIDE. Ok i can kind of believe it, everyone has their likes.

And yes, i know of the tags. Ive seen aloottt of things on there 👀. I like them all, i guess i just have really specific taste. Even the things i post here arent really like.. what i enjoy mostly. POSTING ON HERE MAKES ME SO NERVOUS IN THE FIRST PLACE, i can't believe people actually like it. WHAT ARE YOUR INTERESTS? What gets your perverted heart galloping? I am a curious cat, maybe we are similar

[ukebeater]

i sent an anon, but i think it didn’t go through. let me know, and if not, i’ll resend the message. 🚬

😔 i dont see anything except for this, so sorry man

[ukebeater]

you can tell they’re sick/tired of getting the same basic premises from anons over and over. i don’t have much else of value to add to the discussion unfortunately, but this was fun either way

honestly, real. and i say that as someone who goes out a lot. i forget people can See Me and Refer to Me. it’s strange… i can never find a name i like online. that’s probably half the reason i don’t have a proper blog at the minute. i love your writing, so i can see why others like it too. brothers fucking gets my dick hard! 🚬

I would get tired too, sleepy even. Like ohhhkayyy here we go AGAIN. That seems boring

I can't believe youre an active participant of the world and yet your past time activity is telling people how incels make u hard LMFAOOOO,, I only started writing for myself because I was looking for fanfics and stuff on tumblr but nobody made what I wanted to see. And honestly I was getting really upset because it felt like NOBODY on this entire planet of 8 billion people could post one thing I was into. I like what everyone here posts, really good, I fw it all so heavily. But I crave to be inside of the scenario and I was so hesitant on writing my own shit because I'm so bad with details and getting my point across in a way that isnt just blunt and direct. So I read alot of things and molded and trained my own brain to think in a certain pattern to make it easier to write. I'm still focusing on my skills because they're not as good as I want them to be. I wish I could plug my brain onto a projector, display it on a blank white wall, and everyone can gather around and watch what I'm imagining

[ukebeater]

i feel as if everyone i’ve seen with a decent amount of anons wants it. it’s rare i see someone who genuinely didn’t expect that attention, because they’re usually actively looking for it, if that makes sense…

i like this topic! i always forget what i want to say as soon as i come into the anon box, though, so half of my discussion… lost…

people probably shape themselves and their persona based off what gets them the most attention (and anons). it’s often that i see someone who says they’re a switch, X or Y leaning, and they only dom post because people prefer to act cute and shy in their inbox. it’s rare i see someone genuinely invested in their anons, and not just throwing out a standard response to please them. i probably sound like a bit of a bitch when i say that.

mateo ukebeater shrine incoming (joke). i’ll throw a hikaru picture on it. 🚬

YOU DONT SOUND LIKE A BITCH!! That's exactly what I mean,,, responding to their anons the same way they do to everyone else. I mean, they aren't exactly required to make personalized things but everything feels so fake and that doesn't seem like fun to me. It feels like hiding and pretending. But also makes me curious for more. Everyone here seems really needy, including the dom posters and the clingy anons. I'm not judging.. I don't mind, I think. It's just peculiar to notice. It's nice to see people getting what they want, I like that. It's not nice when they slowly get dehumanized and used... obviously not in a hot way. I'm too sleepy to type more

PEOPLE KNOWING MY NAME ALWAYS FREAKS ME OUT, like oh my gosh., you know i am mateo. i need to talk to people, i cant take this anymore. Whenever people acknowledge me, it reminds me that i am alive and a human being. Which lowkey i forget, because nobody pays attention to me. It makes me feel like i can just do whatever i want and nobody will notice, because usually thats how it goes. But people actually read what i write and like my posts and its freaking me out.....:: jesus christ i need socialization. AND FUCK YEAH HIKARU IS AMAZING. Love that guy,,

[ukebeater]

i couldn’t put it as eloquently as you did, but 100% agree. like, i type this ‘formally’ only in anon boxes because i like it. as soon as i’ve gone into dms with someone, they’ve expected a very strict, serious dom vibe from me which is not at all who i am… :’)… like you don’t know someone based off what they sexypost and ventpost on tumblr. it’s so easy to make a persona, and even easier to forget that you don’t know anything about that person beyond what they construct for themselves.

i often feel this way about people who construct a very specific typing style and aesthetic for themselves and their posts. nice borders, coloured text, third person, correct grammar… it never seems authentic, but maybe that’s just me. i didn’t expect to come on here talking about how incels make my dick hard and then pivot into a more analytical discussion, but i quite like it. you have a nice way of viewing things.

cats are angels in this world. 🚬

I DIDNT EXPECT THIS CONVO EITHER, though i feel like its my fault and doing.. i have no clue how we got here. LMFAOOOOO yay! Incels!

I like to be formal over text, it makes me feel fancy, like im wearing a bowtie. Honestly I'm typing exactly how I sound in my head. But text seems so flat and boring, and emojis are annoying. And oh god, if people started assuming things about me, I wouldn't know how to communicate that I am not a one dimensional creature solely existing for their pleasure. It's fun to obsess over people and paint a picture of them in your head, its like having a secret little world dedicated entirely to them. Sometimes it can feel real, and be entertaining. But still, people can be pretty selfish with that and assume just because thats how someone presents, that they will immediately like whatever is thrown onto them.

People who have that kind of aesthetic intrigue me alot. They're usually very vague and I can't see much about them. They pique my interest in a very particular way. Not because I necessarily enjoy that kind of person but mostly because I want to know who they are. When something seems too perfect it makes me want to look for their flaws, most of the time its desperation. But I'm bored of seeing that. It's nice, and definitely surprising when I first experienced it. But everyone wants something or someone, and go through great lengths into forcing others or themselves into a box. They're pretty, that's for sure. And structured carefully. They are very strict in how they want to be percieved and viewed. I can understand why you feel that way towards them, I definitely do too.

I just don't understand many things on here, or how stuff is supposed to work. I don't think I'd even be able to tell if somebody was being parasocial with me or into me that way... I don't think anyone would. I am nothing special or interesting, not THAT much. The people who get that kind of attention usually always want it, and put themselves on that pedestal. People play into it and it must feel nice. All of it is very impersonal so maybe thats why I don't enjoy it as much, but that's the whole point. It's all for fun. But I want like authenticity and humanness... yaknow? I also wonder about people who didn't mean to get placed there and actually have anons that really fiend over them. Regular posters who aren't putting up a persona or trying to get that kind of attention anyway......💭

I LIKE TALKING WITH YOU. I'm glad you let me spew all this nonsense.. I really dont have anyone to talk about it with

[ukebeater]

Brotherly shenanigans! You've been sitting there for hours, sprawled on the carpet with the kind of lazy comfort that came from spending too many nights in each other’s pockets. You leaned against the couch, knees pulled up, glancing every so often at your older brother like you were waiting for something.. a joke, a word, a glance. He finally spoke. “Wanna do something cool?” The sound of his voice snapped your spine a little straighter. It always did,, carried that edge that made you attentive before you even knew why. From beneath the couch he pulled a folding knife, snapping it open in a single practiced motion. The sound cracked through the silence. The blade caught the lamplight and for a moment you couldn’t breathe. “With that?” you asked, laughing too lightly, as though laughter could dilute the charge between you. His grin was slow, steady, practiced. He leaned close until there was nothing in your vision but him “You want to be cool, don’t you? Not just in here, but everywhere. Something people notice.” You chewed at your lip, heartbeat hammering. You should have pulled back.. Instead, you stayed anchored to the floor, knees brushing the carpet, gaze locked on his like disobedience was impossible. The knife was cold when it touched your skin, resting just under the hem of your shirt. He lifted the fabric with deliberate ease, revealing the strip of skin along your ribs. “Scars are stories you get to keep,” he murmured. “And you’d wear mine well." your breath stuttered, but your hands stayed flat at your sides. “Is it gonna hurt?” you asked. “That’s the point.” His tone was gentle, coaxing. The first press of the blade was feather light, tracing over bone and muscle like it was memorizing you. Then the tip pressed down, sharp enough to pull the air clean out of your lungs. Your brother's name began to take shape in scratchy, deliberate lines, each one a sting that bloomed to heat onto your skin. Your eyes fluttered shut. Somewhere between the sting and the closeness, it felt less like pain and more like a mark,, proof of something. Of who you belonged to. When the blade finally left you, your brother wiped it clean on his shirt and admired his work with a satisfied hum. “Now you’re cool,” he said, leaning back. You looked down, crimson streaked across your ribs, pale skin split by lines that spelled him. A shiver chased through you, equal parts fear and hunger. The urge to be needed, to be chosen, pressed hard against your chest, making you lean closer, craving your brother’s approval. The blood was warm and sticky, but you didn’t look away. You couldn’t. You dont even understand why you stay, only that you have to

hi ive been obsessed with knives idk why,, i dont even like that or blood😳!

[ukebeater]

that’s so cute i just died a million times… sorry not sorry, i love cats SO much

i like your brain a lot

i think certain people get popular with anons because they’re an ideal. sooooo many people on here (in general, not just rq) are either the perfect abuser that people are seeking, and they want to have a shred of that person’s attention without any of the commitment that dms have, or are trying too hard to be cute and are desperate for anons that see them that way. 🚬

I LOVEEE CATS TOO, BEAUTIFUL BABIES. The joy of my life.

Im actually going to take my own life because i typed something so life altering and beautiful just for my phone to die and lose it to the void. Whatever. ok time to start over.

I agree with you alot, especially on the last part. I understand everyone is just having fun and doing it all lightheartedly, but I sometimes feel bad for the reciever. I would feel claustrophobic and trapped if I had to play a role for someone constantly. I know alot of people love it, but eventually everyone starts to want the same thing from you, and I wouldn't know how to feel to not be able to take off the mask at the end of the day. Constantly having a persona up feels extremely tiring. Being a submissive omega or a dom daddy every time I speak to someone would send me to the grave at a smooth .. 18 years old or so.

Also, immediately jumping into a dynamic with a person you dont even know seems very crazy and forceful to me. Projecting an image onto them and expecting them to follow through. Especially without even talking about boundaries or having basic communication! Id cry. Maybe I just don't understand this side of the internet and thats the norm here! I've only been here for 3 weeks so.. what do i know? (Nothing). IDK, thats just what I notice. It must start off fun at first and then begin to feel a bit pressuring having everyone try and outdo the other. It can be competitive at times. Or even a bit dehumanizing, but I won't rain on anyone's parade.

Sometimes it feels to me that nobody likes the actual person behind the screen and the only the idea of how they portray themselves. Which I get, to an extent. You cant really care for a stranger. But personally I'm not attracted to or interested in concepts of a person. I really like having genuine conversations with people instead and trying to understand their brain. I respect the hustle, I do. It can be a fun stress reliever or whatever, but some people push it really far and only think about getting themselves off. Even myself, I love to analyze people and become a little obsessed with the idea of them. But others truly forget its just an idea, something you created in your brain. I mostly do it out of boredom. And I would definitely not expect a random stranger I've barely talked to, to play out my little fantasy for me. Highkey insane.

I feel like the ideal would be actually getting to know someone and not getting reused, tiring scripts or lines they've dons with others. I hate being like everyone else or getting spoken to the same as them, especially if I'm being genuine. But alot of people arent, so its much easier for others to just pump some rehearsed thing. Which I understand! I'm not owed anything from anybody, it would just seem better to have a response more direct than the bare minimum. Which is another thing I don't understand about alot of people, accepting whatever scraps they're given. I dont even know where I'm going with this part. Goodbye,,

I enjoy seeing how people put themselves out there and creating their own space of people, it's nice. It's alot more fun to witness than to be a participant. It surprises me how open people are with eachother and how easily they can show that side of themselves. I think of it like, sometimes you just want someone else's attention or want to be their friend so badly, so you resort to conforming to the mold. It's almost like every anon's story is destined by the ones before them. Maybe we are all apart of Ever After High and our story is predetermined and decided for us.... 👀. Ok sorry whatever im embarrassing myself. Anyway, I hope you can get what I mean. If they notice one anon getting alot of attention and praise, especially from a person they'd love to talk to, I can see why others begin sounding like an echo. Once everyone starts repeating themselves, you are cooked! Now everyone wants to be like the other and have you respond to them in the same way, feeling chosen! It can feel pressuring for the anons as well, so desperate to be heard, just for their cries to drown out in a sea of similar pleas. I sound like a poet LMFAOOO sorry, im locked back in.

Having anons seems fun, but the moment I have to play or act something out consistently for everyone, I would start beating ass. Not that I necessarily want to form deep and meaningful connections with every being that comes across my blog, but I wouldn't want to feel used. Or like an object. Hmm...💭

Hopefully I haven't repeated myself too much, I would hate for that to happen. I'm glad you like my brain. Also, maybe my phone died for good reason because I am liking this version much more.

[ukebeater]

I was infact reading that long ass shit and it was GOOD. You should write!

THANK YOU. Thats a very meaningful compliment to me! I will.. i will... rubs my hands together

[ukebeater]

weird creep in a van watching you walk home from school, you dont think much of it. you even tell your friends, like 'haha theres some van following me around'. it even follows you to your karate lessons on the weekends. you figure its not the same person, that youre just fixated on vans atm. you assure yourself as you're packing your bags to leave the dojo that nothing bad can happen to you, you know how to defend yourself. after all, you're a blue belt in karate. before you head out, your sensei asks you to take the garbage to the dumpster. Something about responsibility, blah blah blah, youve learned to tune him out. it's 8 pm by the time you're actually outside, heading towards the dingy alleyway where the dumpster sits. The bag is heavy and your muscles are sore. You have trouble raising the bag over your arms and into the bin. You drop the bag for a second to collect yourself when you see a hand reach down and take the bag, throwing it into the dumpster effortlessly. you had no idea anyone was even there! you turn around and stammer some half assed apology and thanks. Who even came to dumpsters at night? he doesn't say anything, just stares at you. His face is something you'd definitely see in one of those scary documentaries you used to watch with your mom as a cautionary tale. The streetlight flickers above you both, casting shadows across his face. making it hard to tell if hes smiling or sneering. you swallow hard, steading your voice. "uh, thanks.. i guess" was all you could manage to say, clutching the straps of your bag tightly. you feel like you should run? every instinct is screaming to, but your feet are glued to the concrete. He steps closer, he smells like stale cigarettes and metal. "you shouldn't be out here alone this late." he says simply. his voice sounds like gravel, its deep like he smokes too much. you blink, nodding slowly, "i know, i was just taking out the trash". he chuckles, for whatever reason, eyeing you up and down. "you look strong," he says, almost approvingly, "blue belt, huh? thats cute." you smile out of embarrassment, nodding again. how does he even know that? you dont think too much about it. You can hear the traffic in the distance, but for some reason, it feels like this alleyway is the only place in the world. "so, you think you're safe," he says slowly, "because you know how to fight. that karate stuff." he taps his knuckles against the dumpster lid. you shift your weight, "i can handle myself.." you try to sound at ease, realizing you've been holding your breath. His grin twists then, "maybe. maybe not." your skin prickles, "what do you want?" you ask quietly.

he straightens, and reaches into his jacket pocket. its a crumpled photograph. he holds it out to you. its a photo of the dojo, your dojo, taken from across the street. And there you are, smiling in your karate gi, blue belt around your waist. "you've been on my mind for a while" the gruff voice returns. you dont get a chance to answer before his hand shoots out, grabbing your wrist with an iron grip, yanking you hard against the cold metal of the dumpster. your chest slams into the dented lid. His grip twists your arm behind your back, forcing you to lean forward with your face pressed against the grimy surface. he slides his hands up the sides of your torso, peeling your shirt just enough to bare the skin underneath. A shiver shoots down your spine when the cold air hits you, exposed and vulnerable. your skin prickles where his fingers hold you in place, but before you can react, something sharp presses lightly against your ribs. The blade's edge barely scratches you, tracing slow, deliberate lines that make your breath stagger. Like a touch thats cruel and weirdly intimate. his grip tightens, thumbs digging into your sides just enough to remind you there's no slipping away. the alley feels impossibly close. his voice cuts through the quiet. "curious, arent you?" you don't answer. Your heart is beating loud enough to override the sounds of traffic ahead. He presses the blade a fraction harder, tracing the curve along your ribs, teasing the fine hairs on your skin. it's enough to make your breath hitch, a contrast to the dull ache of your muscles and the weight of fear pooling in your gut. A thin line of warmth blooms where the blade's edge bites past your skin. you bite your lip, stifling a sound thats part pain and part shock. he leans in close, against your neck. "you're tougher than you look" he murmurs, its like a warning and a compliment tangled in a knot.

OK IM SORRY THAT IT ENDS HERE. nobodys reading this long asssss shit 😂!!! goodnight