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ultrashattereddreamsworld · 3 years

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Same Auld Lang Syne

By Steven Cook based on true events

And inspired by the song wrote by Dan Fogelberg

Table of contents

Chapter One. A season of change

Chapter Two. Home bond

Chapter Three. Same Auld Lang Syne

Chapter Four So this is Christmas

Chapter Five A Moment of Youth.

Characters

Orry (Brother)

Molly (sister)

Joanna (Sister in Law)

Brianna (Ex)

Mamz (mom)

Dad (dad)

Pastor Mike (Pastor)

Me (as me)

Kody (Brother in Law)

Other character have small parts are not mentioned in the summary. Thank Ya’ll for everything.

Chapter One. A season of change

The Bible says there is a season for everything. Looking back, I see how true those words really are. I tend to find myself daydreaming drifting back into the past when I first found true love. That truly was a weird summer. The year was 2011 the season was summer. We was getting our house remodel. Me and my sister recently just changed schools. I was attending a private school, but I switched schools to a public school. My family our mom would always tell me “out of every bad situation God would make something good out it.” I never thought there would be anything good about my dad kicking me, my brother, sister, and mother out of the house. Boy was I wrong. That summer I turned a corner in my soul.

I never forget I was the depressed homeless senior in high school my dad just kicked us out. I never liked my sister friend Kate, but she did give us a place to stay so I will say God provided that. I do owe her on that aspect. I soon found myself depressed planning on dropping out of school. Until my best teacher Mr. Parson called me up to the desk and said “Cook what’s wrong? You’re a A student.” I laughed and said “You really want to know what’s wrong fine. My dad just kicked me and my family out, and frankly I don’t care what happens in school at the moment.” He said, “don’t worry about your grades just show up.” The next week I went up from a 50 average to an 88.” I thought if this worked in one course this might be my golden ticket to graduate. Boy I was right. My history teacher even offered me to move in with her. I did nothing and graduated my senior year was a breeze.

That’s not what I remember most about that year, nor is that why I want to go back so desperately. My family was just making peace after a long and dreadful family feud as well. Those are key points of that year. Besides graduating that year, I never forget the angel I would encounter that year. After school I would get off the bus and always see our new neighbors get off the bus and one of them would sit by the duck pond. She had blonde curly hair. She would read a book in the swing. Me being an avid anime fan of romance would not dare let this moment come to pass.

I started sitting on that swing waiting to get to know her better. Her brother seemed cool. He told me his sister Brianna thought I was cute. So, this put the cards in my favor even more. I never forget two prior I was cleaning out my grandmother’s house and found a solid gold ring with the letter B craved in it. The only odd thing about the ring is the letter. No one in my family name starts with B. So why would the ring say that. I kept the ring in my wallet for two years. I had few dates never nothing serious. To be honest that particular time in my life I did not care about finding a girl. I was angry my dad just kicked us out for no reason at all.

I started sitting in the swing listening to music on my phone, watching videos. I was just trying to look cool. I noticed she would come bring a book and we just have small talk at first. I don’t think I ever opened up so fast to someone. My days were dark, and depressing until I met her. She became the sun light in my cold damp, depressing life. I thought I had nothing to live for. Me and my sister was in the same class and she even acted ashamed of me as well as my cousin that went to school with me. My brother always tried to act happy I think mainly to help my mother be in good spirits. I always wanted to be like him. My brother was the star of everything he ever did while I was always in the shadow. He was good looking, had a great personality. I was the depressed shaky guy. I was a different kind of guy I was to myself and sucked at conversations.

None of that even mattered when I was with her. She was better then any kind of depression medicine I ever found only if it all was true. I told her everything I was going through personal and nonpersonal. She would open up to me too the only problem was most of the stuff she told me was all lies. I would find that out much later. I for once found someone I thought I truly loved, and to truth I never told her in those two to three months how I felt once. She had to notice all my family noticed. My sisters friend told me she was nothing but trouble. Hindsight is 20, 20 after all. I probably should have walked away. I got so fond of her that I did not care if she was trouble, I wanted to be a part of her life.

Everything was going good with us. Until one day my mom said her, and my dad made up and it was time to move back home with him. I would have been over filled with joy, but there was only one reason I did not want to go that was because I would pretty much be leaving her behind. I remember that Wednesday night I was talking to an old friend of mine on Facebook. My friend Matt told me tell her how you feel. I only had three days left before I moved.

I went to pick up my wallet and that gold ring came out. I noticed this was truly a sign from God. Not one person in my family had their name start with B and hers did. I said this could not be chance. I wrote the longest love letter I think I ever will write that night trying to putt all my emotions into one single page and that did not turn out ok. I did not want to blow this opportunity I tend to screw up everything in my life that was good. She was the angel that came and helped me wake up from this nightmare.

I just needed more time. I stayed up late those next three nights I knew my time was winding down. I finally said tomorrow is going to be the day. It was drizzling rain that day brother and cousins wanted me to go bowling with them and they was spending the night at my dad place. I told them I did not feel to great. Everyone was gone my sister went to a football game at school. I went to sit in the swing, and she came out right by me. I told her you know I will sure am going to miss you guys. She smiled and said, “same here.” The sun was about to set, and I said before I go in, I have something to give you.

I handed her the ring. I told her the story behind it. I said I’m not good at telling people how I feel but I can’t let this moment pass us. And she leaned in for a kiss I remember it like it was yesterday I leaned back in. I heard a horn go off as the rain started pouring. It was my sister and her friend. They came home early because the rain stated pouring. I really was disappointed a chance that I should of just did it. I just hugged her and said I really will miss you I don’t think she could tell the tears was on my face wasn’t rain. After that three years later since I heard from her. We parted ways.

I did not hear from her until 3 years later. My sister got married, brother joined the Navy. And I’m the loser still here. I get on Facebook one hot sunny day. See a message request. Every time I get a message request it usually is someone wanting to fight, our cursing me out for who knows what. The message I did not recognize it was from her mom’s page. The message was short reading "Hey this is you're old friend the park girl. Remember me Bree? How have you been just thought of you the other day and gave me a number to text or call her if I wanted to get in contact. I'm sorry about not messaging you off my Facebook I just don't have one. Look forward to hearing from you soon." I wanted to play it cool, so I didn't message her back till that night.

I texted the number asking was this Brianna. I told her who I was. I immediately got a call from the number. I felt those old butterflies come up I was like "shoot what the heck do I say?" I answered the phone and said hello! She was like hey I missed you so much. I felt like the ball was in my court. She for one reached out to me, two she called me. I said I missed you too. I constantly go back to that old summer in my mind. We was kids then I laughed. She asked would I like to meet her at the pond next week. I responded, "I would love too."

I met up with her the next week talked and walked around the pond. That hour felt like a lifetime. I used to have no problem talking to her, but it was like a stranger from the case. I forgot all we talk about. I remember being there a hour or two. I really didn't say nothing but compliment her and told her she looked lovely. I also told her I really missed her. I never forget she said well I got to go see ya around, I guess.

In that moment it was like everything stopped i felt all the memories come back, all the regrets come. I said wait I grabbed her by the wrist and did what I should of did 3 years prior. I forced a smooth kiss on her. She gave in. She looked at me with her eyes wide and was speechless. I said I'll see you later. She smile and said, "I hope so."

I remember thinking man I nailed that. I never thought in 100 years my loser self would do that. I texted her on the way home and I said I got to tell you something. I never stopped having feelings for you. I also stated that when I saw her again it was like watching the sunrise once again. I found joy in those beautiful blue eyes. I said you may think this is weird, but I love you.

I never forgot what Shigeru Miyamoto said, "We could either lose it all, or win it big." I said the same I got to put it all on the table. The thoughts of "you just blew it." Kept running through my brain. It took her like ten minutes to respond. And all the message said was "you want to know how I feel?" I said this is the part I get shot down I thought. I replied, "Of course with a smiley face trying to play cool." She sent back a picture of the ring I gave of on a chain. She said "I been wearing this as a necklace never have I gotten rid of it of forgotten about you. I feel the same way. I really was glad when you kissed me today. I been waiting for you too."

We continued texting on and off for a week so. Then I finally asked her would you like to see a movie "she replied she would love too." To be honest I can't name anything about that date. Besides she was wearing a yellow shirt which happens to be my favorite color. I couldn't tell you what movie we saw all I can say is I remember the day being perfect I wasn't watching the movie I was watching her thanking God for answering this prayer.

Her dad never liked me, neither did her mom. I never knew why, nor I cared. The only reason it did bother me was because they constantly said go find someone better. I would hear them constantly say it when we would talk on the phone. I honestly think if it was not for her mom and dad we would not have fought so much when back then. I really loved her I had a hard time showing it sometimes.

Even though her parents got in our way. I was still determined to make this work. She was the girl that helped me overcome depression after all. I really thought she was my soulmate. She was the angel I found in the nightmare I was living in. She was the prayer answered for God (or so I thought.) We was old enough where her parents should not have even mattered. I kept letting them get me even madder. It reminded me a lot of Titanic her parents had persuaded her to me to be someone else.

Six months we managed to work it out. We would lay under the night sky and watch the stars. We made it against all odds. Everyone said she was trouble came from a trouble family. I did not need all that drama in my life. Her parents constantly brainwashed her telling her how bad of a guy I was. One of the last moments we shared during that six-month period was I gave her a promised type engagement ring. I told her once I got out of school, and my own place I wanted her to become my wife. We could leave all this behind. She of course was said “I’ll be happy to be the mother of your kids. I would want nothing more then that.”

I thought everything was good. She was the first and only girl I saw more in then just sex. I did not even want from her I just wanted her. I always believed being in love is when you experience special moments. Like watching the sunset at the beach or seeing a really good movie for the first time. I believe when you are in love you wish they were there to experience these same moments. I also a 100 percent believe when you are around the person you experience special moment, but you start to realize it isn’t the moment that is special it is the person you are with that is. With me no longer really worrying about her parents I truly believed our peaceful days would never end.

That all changed when she started questioning me of seeing someone else out of no one where. She sked me “let me see your phone.” I threw it to her “I said check it.” Then I asked the same question she said, “one sec I got to see something.” She was clearly accusing me because she was guilty. I learned in life where there is smoke there is usually fire. This went on about a month. One day out of the blue I get a message from a big redneck boy on Facebook. Reading “Leave my girl alone.” I said, “I got a girlfriend you got the wrong guy pal.” Then he said, “Breanna is my girl.” I called her she denied it of course. I told her block the dude and we can continue this and overcome this.

Two days later she was back talking to him. I met her on my grandmother’s porch. I kissed her and the kissed tasted like the fruit of Eden. It was sweet at first then it became bitter. How could my angle the so-called soul mate cheat on me? She finally apologized for talking to another guy. I forgave her I said don’t do it again. Then she said I can’t do that he is a close friend I love him and you. I was shocked I said I never forget it. I replied back saying “The way I see it is, it’s me or him. And by the looks of it you picked him.” We promised to wait to marriage for sex, promised to get married. 5 years of trust got destroyed in one day. I told her this is goodbye if you change you mind message or call me.

I still don’t know why I was the bad guy back then her mom, and dad threatened me for the way I handled it. They don’t know what really went on. She told me a lot of lies to make her story worse than mine. She wanted two have a open relationship with me, I could not find any real logic. I still have family members saying why did you do something stupid like that. Once I got home my brother in law, dad, mom, and sister was around the table. They said, “you did the right thing she was full of drama.” I wore sunglasses so no one could see my eyes. I said “I agree a 100 percent thanks guys. They all was laughing, and I was laughing and crying like a baby at the same time. We were so long I never thought I would lose years of happiness by her cheating.

Chapter two Home bond

That was 5 years ago I recently got a in Huston Texas. It was December 15th I put vacation in for Christmas until the first of year. I was telling people at work my boss Mike to have blessed and Merry Christmas I would see them all next year. I was taking a train back home. It was weird because the was a snow forecast in South Carolina that year the week of Christmas. It was supposed to be a cold front coming down to the southern states the news said. I was watching the news laughing saying yeah right, the news is always wrong when it comes to weather around here. The only job you can be wrong all the time and still get paid. The train trip was 20 hours I could not wait to get home it feels like a lifetime I been away. I really missed my mom’s home cook food especially around Christmas. It would not be Christmas if I was not going to be home with the people I loved.

I had a girl I would talk to on and off, but we were just mainly friending the name was Tina. She was a city girl she was more of a party girl. She was not ready to settle down like I was anytime soon. I was trying to get into the ministry I finally gotten my degree in it. I have become saved, and truly born again. Christmas is the only true day a year all my family gets together. I could not wait to see how everyone was doing. Both my brother, and sister have kids of their own and I’m still looking for the right one if there is one. I thought I found her all those years ago but like my dreams and aspirations she slipped through my fingers.

I had a dream while I was on the train. The dream I only remember seeing a piece of paper saying this is going to be a Christmas you will never forget. I woke up, and that part I remember the rest of it was a total blur. For it to be in the south this was truly a cold winter. With only 6 days till Christmas. I could not wait to see all my love ones again. Even though with that being said I still felt alone. All my family was married and have kids here I am at 27 years of age and have none. I don’t really even have a steady relationship. I suffer with depression of being alone. I remember a quote by the late great Robbin Williams. “I always feared of ending up alone, but what is worse than that is being surrounded by people that make you feel alone.”

My whole live besides being around my family I always felt like the loser in my family the black sheep. My bother and sister have always been better in sports, and more successful in career paths then me. Here I am returning home like the prodigal son returning home kind of as a failure. I never really made it big. Not like my brother, and sister anyways. My anxiety has always gotten the best me of me in life. I could never fulfill my full potential. With that being I grown not to care what my family or others think of me. I found God that’s all I need. I still felt a sense of regret coming home with not a good paying job and being single.

The woman came up to me and said, “Sir we will be at your destination in about an hour anything I can get for you?” I said, “No thank you I just am anxious about going home is all.” She replied back “That’s normal but that should be the place you should want to return.” I was thinking she was right, but I feel like a class A failure. I was unhappy with my situation in life. I just told her “To have a good night and a merry Christmas.” I was found myself looking at the clock getting more, and more depressed as I was about to head home. I knew how they would have all this money, and I would be the one giving cheap gifts and all. It has always been funny to me that I’m the one they come to for money. I never would go to them. But anyways that’s life, I guess. I never really considered money an important part of life is all.

I heard the train coming to stretching stop I was happy to get to see my mom, and family I just felt kind of like a loser compared to the rest of my family is all. I guess I never really had the ambition they had even though I found myself to probably be the hardest worker in the family. That’s the reason I moved off to find work. I got a degree in theology I try to spread the word of God. I been trying to get a job in a church as assistance preacher, or a youth preacher I just want to spread the word of God. I really want to be a missionary. I always wanted to go overseas. I would love to spread the word of God overseas. Who am I fooling my anxiety would never let me do that I thought as I heard the train coming to a stop.

I got my suitcase and left was leaving the train telling the people aboard the train have a merry Christmas, and to be safe and God bless them. My mother was there waiting on me. My favorite person in the world the only person besides my brother that really never judged me. I could be myself around her. I never really was anxious to see her or my brother, or sister mainly just my father. He would constantly tell me what of waste of time and money I put in going to school to get a degree I don’t have job in the field yet. I could hear him now I thought. I hugged my mom “I told her I missed her, and it was great to see her.” She replied the same. I said “it feels good to be back in South Carolina. I told her I been trying to get a job in a church. Still struggling to get a better job then what I did I had.” My mom asked me “why don’t I move back home until I got a better job.” I told her “I would love too, but I felt trapped there, and my depression was high. I was just tired of being compared to everyone. I want to go far away where no one knows me, and I can feel free ya know.” She said, “She understand.” I was put up with all that hell as a kid I thought my dad cause me a lot of heart ache and pain as a kid. He made me a freak with all these panic issues. I love him just hate what he put us all through.

I reached in my wallet and gave my mom some money and told her “I know it isn’t much, but merry Christmas even though. My mom said, “Thanks but Christmas isn’t till five days away.” “I said I know it isn’t much, but I guess it’s the thought that counts.” I got off work December 15th and it was already the 19th. Took me that long to make plans, and to get down here I thought. We was driving home, and I was staring at the lights people put up around their house. Christmas in the South always was magical to me. I guess the reason it was more magical to me; is because the South actually celebrated the true meaning of Christmas. Even though I was dreading feeling like a loser when I came home, I can’t say I wasn’t excited to see all my family even my dad as hard as he is to get along with at times.

Bret Hart once said, “living in the past there’s no future in it.” I been running from my past since I got out of college. It was time to face it. No matter how far you ran, you can’t run from who you are. Me and my mom pulled up at our house, and she said my brother Orry, and sister Molly would be there in two days. My mom who I call mamz said “can you believe they are actually calling for snow on Christmas Eve.” I said, “South Carolina will never get snow on Christmas Eve trust me would be nice though.” I went in told my dad hey and asked him how he was doing. He said, “good and asked me how I been, and how was the trip ride home?” I said it was good I just was tire I said I think I’ll be turning in for the night I told my parents I loved them, and I would see them in the morning and God bless them.

I remember that was a long sleepless night I was excited to see everyone but was kind of depressed as well. I knew after this Christmas came and went; I would not see my family in a very long time especially my brother who was coming in from California. I knew this would be a fun Christmas was kind of worried how his wife would act she is not the easiest person to necessary get along with. Even though it was Christmas I would try my best to be a peace maker. It felt good leaving West Virginia and finally be back home again if I did say so myself. I just felt a sense of dread of everything going by to fast. I also felt bad because I had no nice gifts to give them. I used to give them money and nice gifts, back when I lived at home, I would give them nice gifts. Now I just did not have the money like I use to have. I am always taking end of the barrel. I thought to myself someone has got to do them might as well be me I suppose.

That sleepless night seemed like it was put in fast forward. I must have got an hour or so of sleep before I heard a lot noise coming from outside. I rushed up quickly to see my sister and her family outside, as well as my brother and his family. I immediately got up and run outside to see them. I said “hey ya’ll long time no see!” We caught up real fast and before I knew it seemed like I never left. I was caught up in the moment I then realized I did not have to have money, or even try to impress them. We was family why would if I’m not as successful who really cares. Later that day me and my brother went on a walk. I asked him “how is that wife of yours been treating you.” He said, “We get along here and there, and why do you ask?” I said “because me and you both look tired man. Everyone I know and love is passing on man, and once you, and Molly leave here. If something happens to mom and dad, I’ll be alone.”

I told him he was blessed to have a son, and don’t take life for granted. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that conversation. What my brother told me next, I’ll never forget. He said, “you know the real reason I married her, don’t you?” I replied, “I guess because she was the first person you really been with?” He said “not really just because I was afraid to end up alone like you are. There is more to it though. I was on the beach depressed, and I was depressed and all alone. I could not find happiness on land. So, I felt the waves calling me to me. I never told anyone this, but I was thinking, no I was trying to kill myself. I went to go far out at sea, as far as I could go to drowned. I don’t remember what happened next. All I know is I woke up on shore and Joanna was giving me CPR. She saved me that day man. She used to work at the beach at California as a lifeguard four prior to me meeting her. She don’t even remember me from back then. She saved my life, so I fell in love with her from that.

Once I got a job that building, she worked it all came back to me, and though I never told her what happened, or why I even am staying with her. If it wasn’t for her I would not be here.” I said with amazement “wow man you got it bad, but that would make a heck of a movie or a love story.” I said I had no idea she saved you. I just was in shock I knew he told me he almost drowned once he was stationed in California, I just never knew the true story behind it. I guess that is why he puta up with all that abuse. Once came back my mom had a big feast on the table for all of us. We all cut jokes and reminisced on the good times. I remember what my grandmother said I wish at that moment life would just stop and be put on pause. Everyone that mattered to me was in one room. Everything seemed great. I really wish this could last forever.

With only four days till Christmas approaching my brother and sister asked do ya’ll want to exchange gifts the part I looked least forward too. I felt like the little drummer boy they all had nice gifts, and I was the one with nothing really to give but 50 bucks each to them. I said “well I got ya’ll a card it isn’t much but it’s the thought that counts like I told mamz” They said “awe thanks you did not have to do that that we know you have been struggling lately.” I replied and laughed it off saying “no I’m fine I’m doing swell trust me.” This even made me feel more embarrassed I was burying myself in self-pity. Then my sister said “Here is your gift” I opened it, and it was new leather jacket. I really been wanting one, but I knew this thing was expensive. I said “thanks but I can’t take this. I hardly gave ya’ll nothing. Thanks, but I feel bad.” She kept saying “No it’s yours.” Till I took it feeling guilty. Then my brother said “Here this is your gift from us, (and it a card with 200 bucks in it.)” I said, “No way I can take this I feel awful.” He kept saying insisting. I felt really bad about it. They of course got our parents nice gifts as well. I felt like I kind of let them down.

I told them I made plans I promised my preacher I would go to church that night. Christmas would fall on a Sunday this year, and I did not know if I would make to the Sunday service. I asked if they wanted to come, but they said they was all tired, and it had been a long day. I really was happy to be finally attending church at the place I got saved again. They all was like family to me. I was looking forward to this. I got a quick shower put on some casual clothes. No one really dresses up for Bible study. I then told everyone I would be back in a few thanked them for the gifts, told them I loved them and got in my old car, and left. I my preacher and his wife some money and card to give them for Christmas they have both been very good to me after all it is the least, I could possibly do. When I arrived, I walked in and the same 10 people that is always there on Wednesday’s were there. Everyone was coming up to me hugging me, and shaking my hand telling me they missed me.

My preacher said, “It’s good to finally see again brother, how have you been?” I said, “I been good, but I’m a lot better now that I finally have come home especially being in the house of the Lord.” Pastor Mike said, “It sure is great having you here we have sure missed you, you’re always in our prayers.” Then it hit 8 o’clock and it was time to begin Bible study. The verses that night we went over was Ecclesiastes 3:1-22. Which reads “3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” Pastor Mike then said “what season are you living in tonight? Some of us need to cast away things Some of us are living in a season. Whatever season your life is in be like Paul and keep the faith. Don’t stray away from the Lord. We won when Jesus said it is finished,” He ended his sermon, or the study by saying “all of you know what special day Sunday is. Instead of looking for earthly gifts we should all be thankful of the gift God gave. He gave us the best gift of all his son dying for our sins so we could live forever with him in all his glory. This Christmas you may can give someone the best gift of all just by telling them the good news about Jesus Christ. You maybe the only Bible they ever will read. Give them a gift money can’t buy this Christmas.”

After the sermon I told Pastor Mike that sermon, or Bible study was one of the best ones I ever heard. It really struck that old fire in me. I been craving that was quenched after I could not find a job in the field of theology. I told him “thanks for that, that sermon alone was the best Christmas gift I have gotten all year I really needed that.” I told him and everyone at the church I love them, and I missed them and to have a merry Christmas incase I was not there Sunday. I also asked them to keep me in their prayers. It was about ten o’clock when I got home. Once I got home everyone asked how church was? I said, “It was good felt great to finally be back in the house of God felt like I was home and alive again.” My family was watching the grinch the live action one with Jim Carry in it. Asked me if I wanted to watch it I just said, “no I’m good I actually got no sleep last night at all, a lot of stuff was running through my head too much excitement I guess ya know?”

I went in my room, but I sure did not sleep that night. I kept remembering what Pastor Mike said about Christmas this year. I believe truly we are living in the end of times. More people need to know about God. My brother is saved, but my sister says her, and her family isn’t. I then knew what I would do before Christmas I would go to Walmart and get them a Bible each. May not be the most expensive thing. But that is a gift that truly would come from my heart. I know too many people I went to school who have passed away at very young ages. I agree with pastor Mike none of use are promised tomorrow. I thought that would be the perfect gift whether they like it, or not is up to them I planted the seed after all.

It was four days till Christmas the next day my brother wanted to go get southern barbecue since they don’t have it in California, I told him “they are not open on Thursdays he would have to wait till Friday. I said I don’t know why you want some dad is barbecuing a hog anyways like he always does on Christmas.” He said, “I just have not had it in a year going on 2 so I miss it you know what I mean?” He said we take good food for granted when we have it all the time.” I laughed and was like I guess you got a point. I went outside and could sure tell it was winter it was freezing. Usually this part of the state doesn’t get this cold in the afternoon. My mom all called us to come in. She was saying “look the weather forecast is calling for snow on Christmas Eve into Christmas night” We was all “like no way, I’ll believe it when I see it.” I was not getting my hopes up on that. They called for snow hundreds of times in the past, and only the up state would get it. After that my dad asked me, my brother Orry, and brother in law Kody would we mind cutting some fire. I really did not mind if they would be willing to help that is.

My brother went and got a chainsaw there was a couple old trees that fell on the property behind the house in the woods. We needed to the wood to put under the grill to cook the hog. We have been doing this every sense I was a little kid. I remember I would look forward to this all year long. We would invite all our friends, and family over. We would stay out all night and cook the hog. Those were the days. Now they feel like forever ago. Pretty much all the family is back in a feud, and everyone has moved away. I think it is sad how everything has turned out. Everyone in our family use to be so close, now they are so far away I never hear from any of them. Me and my brother, and brother law talked about that as we was filling this old trailer up with wood. We hooked the trailer to the tracker. Once we would fill up with wood, we would park it by the pit we would cook the hog in in.

We built a little fire that night, and just talked about the “good ole days.” When we was in school playing football. We was on the worst team in the whole division just laughing about the good ole days. It sure was cold that night with only 3 days after that night till Christmas I felt a little dread because I knew once Christmas was over my sister, and her family would continue with their normal lives and I would be all alone again. The same with my brother and his family as well. After everyone went inside, I kept wishing this time would not end. I was really enjoying myself. I stayed outside that night, and fell asleep watching the fire getting dimer, and dimer as the logs burned that night. I kept dozing off until my brother came out and yelled “are you coming in man?” I said, “yeah one sec just enjoying the weather.” I wish that night would not have ended I was really enjoying myself stress free.

I came inside that night, and everyone was getting ready for bed. I went in I felt empty that knowing in three it would be a bright Christmas day. Kids around the Earth would be happy to play with the gifts they have received. My brother, and sister would enjoy seeing their kids open gifts. While I would be alone wishing I had a family on my own. Christmas Eve is my best day of year, but this year even though I was at home the closer Christmas came around the more empty I love my family everyone was there, but to me it was plain to see the only thing missing was me. I wanted a family so bad I felt all alone I would see them taking care of their kids, and families, but I was just myself. That was a long sleepless night I know I did not give them the gifts they gave me. I’m the broke one in the family the black sheep if you will. It was past 12 only three days till Christmas.

The next morning my mom, brother, sister, and the rest of the families wanted to see the Christmas lights down in North Charleston this brought back memories to me because the last time we was there we went to go see Monday night Raw. Later that afternoon we was getting ready to go. As we as getting to leave I stepped outside, and I heard my nephew Karl “say I might get to see my first snow this year,” Everyone looked a little mad at me because I said “don’t get your hopes up kid.” I remember my first snow a night about like to tonight me, Orry, Molly, Lindsey, and your cousin Rich stayed up all night. I still remember what Rich said the same thing I said. “It’s not going to snow Ryan let’s go to bed.” That was flash back in time.

We arrived there at night, and it was a lot like, and I saw a blast from the past I saw my old buddy Remy last time I was there he was there as well. I said, “I thought you was upstate this time of year.” Remy responded back “It sure has been a long time, last time I was here I was with ya’ll have all of you guys been. Man, where has all time gone?” “I said man I see you on Facebook you’re ranking the money man you are doing a lot better in the business market then I am.” We talked about 5 to 10 mins. I wished him, and his family a merry Christmas, and I him God bless him. After that I watched the lights with my family my nephews was memorized by the cartoon character design lights. I enjoyed the Dragon Ball Z ones, and Nintendo lights they set up. We stayed there till about 10 or so. We would not get home until midnight. We went go get fast food, and after that we went home. Time, we went home I went to bed it was about 12:30 give or take.

The next morning was the eve, before Christmas Eve Bill Walsh was still saying “Chances of snow tomorrow in the Colleton county region. It was up to a 80 percent chance at 8 o’clock. I was really starting to think we may actually have a white Christmas for once. It definitely was cold enough the temperate was 35 degrees. I still was thinking don’t get your hopes up. Nothing like this ever happens around here. My dad was preparing the pit/ grill to cook the hog. My and my brother, and brother in law helped him get things set up. He always cooked the hog on Christmas Eve. We would get the propane tank to hook up to the grill to give it gas to light it. And we would fill the barrel with a cage thing under it with wood. The reason why the cage thing was under the barrel was to collect the fallen coals from the fire. We would put the coals under the pit to cook the hog. It was a tradition passed down from four generations of ours. I always enjoyed doing this. The only reason I was down about it now is all our family was in a feud, and I would not get to see them. I never did anymore. I hardly would hear from them on the phone. All this setting up with the wood, and all took us about one hour and 30 minutes.

Once we finally finished, we watched the movie the Santa Clause. I told my nephews I use to work at Walmart in the toy department and I would get contacts to Santa so if they wanted, they could make a list, and I could have it personally delivered to him. They are all wrote off their Christmas list to Santa Claus. I put them in my car and said I got it taken care of. My nephew Kaiden who is the oldest wanted a train set from Thomas he is obsessed with that. Karl my other nephew wanted a bunch of junk a cell phone, and he is only 5 years old. My youngest nephew who is my bothers son Chance just wanted a tablet to play games on. I told them “I would deliver it personally.”

The dark was approaching fast. We was playing cards in the living room on the table. Just having fun. We do this almost every time we all get together. I enjoy this it makes me relaxed. This is one of my best things we do. Besides beating on who will win at a video, something like that. But we played cards an hour or so. My sister went outside to smoke. I followed her “I said I sure wish time would pause like Nana use to say back when things were good.” She responded, “Yeah I love spending time with ya’ll too but I’m ready for the holidays to be over.” I said “not every other day of the year I feel alone, and empty inside. Plus, I don’t have a family to enjoy like you guys do I guess.” She then said, “You don’t need someone to make you happy.” I said back just “yeah” (I was thinking easy for her to say. She has kids, and husband. She has a family of her own. While I’m all alone. Loneliness is becoming my best friend now adays I thought. It’s easy to say when you’re the only one that is alone)

After we came back in, I told everyone I was going to lay down. I was personally a little down in dumps. My brother Orry was like “Don’t go to bed man. We paly some video games. “I said I’m good, but thanks. Have a good night, and God bless ya’ll I’ll be praying for you guys.” I was lying in bed must have been 2 hours before I went to sleep that night. Wishing I could have a family. I started thinking I should have married my ex, and I might have had one. I said well I have never really fallen for anyone again. I guess I let her get away. I still regretted that the more I thought about the more I found myself stuck in the past. I even dream that night of everyone laughing, and having a good time on Christmas, and I was sitting at the table all alone. That was a complete nightmare.

Chapter Three. Same Auld Lang Syne

It was finally my best day of the year Christmas eve when I woke up everyone seemed happy. All my family was outside getting the fire, and everything ready for the barbeque we always had on Christmas eve. We would spend all Christmas eve cooking, and we would have a big feast on Christmas day. This was always fun to me. I loved Christmas eve sitting by the fire all day spending time with my family. I would remember when we was all younger our cousin would come over. We would always play football and have a couple wrestling matches. We always did stuff like that on the holidays. Sadly, those days are gone. All of our cousins have moved off. The ones that are still around are in a feud with my father so none of that ever happens anymore. That is one reason that Christmas makes me sad. I tend to think of the old days back when thing were good.

Now all the people that would show up is my parents, my brother’s family, and my sisters’ family. I really miss the old 90’s Christmas’s back when everyone was around, and everyone I loved was still alive. Nothing seems the same anymore. Sure, it is great to spend time with my brother, sister, and parents. But back in the day all my family was there. I feel very alone now seeing how out of everyone I’m the only one that is still not married and is all alone. The only close family member I really have is my mom if she passes, I think I will be lost. She is the closest person in my life to me.

All that being said my brother was starting the fire where the coals would start falling. I was hearing my mom telling my nephews it was supposed to snow tonight, and what did they want from Christmas; because Santa would be arriving soon. I thought to myself what I would give to go back to get the magic of Christmas back. As a child Christmas was magical staying up all night to see Santa now for me it just is a day to watch people with families have fun. I envy that I suppose. The fire was starting, and everyone was getting hungry it, so my dad put hotdogs on the grill for us to eat. It was starting to get really cold as the day went by.

I went inside looked in the icebox for some eggnog. I noticed we was out. I told my mom “I would be going to the store to get some.” She said, “hurry back we are supposed to get bad weather.” I thought yeah right. We are not getting snow this year. It is approaching 6 o’clock, and nothing is happening except the temperature is starting to drop fast. I also made this excuse to get my brother, and sister a Bible for Christmas this was on my to do list after all. I saw this as a perfect excuse to use to go to the store myself and get them one. I left my house and arrived at Walmart around 7 time I stepped out my car I looked up and its staring to snow. I said this is truly a miracle from God. I began to think of that weird dream I had on the train this would be a Christmas to remember. My phone starts going off from all my family. Texts saying “Get home you should not be on the road in this weather. I was like yeah right. I made it this far I might as well get what I came for.

I went inside bought the Bibles rushed back outside. Then I noticed I did not get any eggnog. My mother wanted some too. I ran back in to get some. I was in the milk isles passing through the store to get some. As I passed by one of the isles, I saw a girl that looked a lot like my ex from years ago. I immediately thought to myself there is no way first the snow falling and now this. I began to walk away. But then I remembered how much I actually missed her. I approached her from the back. Saying “excuse miss” touching her on the back. She turned around like she was scared. I did not mean to startle her. She said “Yes?” I responded by pointing to my face “saying it’s me Ryan long time no see Brianna.” I never forget how her face looked when I told her who I was. Her eye opened wide. They looked like she saw a ghost.

She immediately went to hug me. Because I held my arms open like it was good to see her. Before she could even hug me, she drop her purse, and everything came out of it. We was in the middle of the isle. It reminded me of way back we first started dating. The time we was in Wendy’s and the same thing happened. She started to curse then I started laughing by the look on her face. She started laughing crying at the same time. I asked her what all she was getting, and she said, “I’m done in here you want to walk me out the store.” I said, “sure all I came to get was this eggnog.” We walked up to the checkout stand. Having small talk as the groceries was totaled up and bagged. I stood there embarrassed not knowing what to say as the conversation was slowly dragging. I was especially uneasy because we had a bad break up.

We walked outside I said “man it sure is cold. This kind of reminds me of the good ole days. This is the first time I ever experienced snow with you.” She laughed and said “Yeah it is the first. It’s the first time I ever known it to snow on Christmas eve here.” I replied back “It was good seeing you I guess I should go home now. Have merry Christmas, and God bless you!” She grabbed my coat tail and said “wait a sec it is Christmas eve why don’t go to a bar a have a quick toast and then go. Ya know catch up on old times?” I sure I really hated drinking, but I did want to spend time with her. I signed and said, “why not” “She said she knew a good place to get drinks from that was down road.” I knew the place she was talking about I sang karaoke there when I was younger with my friend Matt. I told her “I would follow her in my car.” She responded back with a laugh saying “Oh don’t be silly it’s been forever why don’t you just tag along in my car. For old time sake.” I was nervous at this point, I said “sure, why not?” I got in her car with as we road up the road to the bar, and when we got there the sign was not lite up or nothing. The bar was closed. I did not say what I was thinking, but I was sure happy the bar was closed I never been much of a drinker. She then looked at me and said “I got an idea let’s stop by the old liquor store on this road and get a six pack and have a toast there. What do you say?” I thought to myself we came this far, and I still had feelings for her, so I responded “Why not? Let’s do it!” I pulled out my phone and sent my brother a text message saying “I ran into a old friend I will be home in a few hours don’t worry I’m fine. I drove in snow before when I worked in Paris Island, and not to worry about me.”

As she was driving to the liquor store that was let’s say 15 or so minuets down the road. I could not keep my eyes off her I was asking myself “Is this a dream? First it was snowing on Christmas Eve, then I bump back into my true love” I cleared my throat, and I told her “that the years have truly been a friend to her, and that she did not look no different then back then. I also told her that I still loved her beautiful eyes. They were still ocean blue.” Even though I said that I was not sure if I saw any gratitude in those eyes after all these years. She said “awe thanks and I haven’t changed either. I was always easy to convince.” I responded back by saying “Only to certain people, and you are one of them always have been since we met all those years ago, I guess.” She told me that “She heard that I moved out that town, and that I must be doing well.” I gave her a simple response I said, “The new town is heavenly, but being homesick is Hell.” I also told her that I was doing as well as she thought I told her “I’m struggling with a degree to just move up the ladder ya know?” She then said, “We’ll here thank God they are open wait here I’ll go in and get them okay?” I was waiting in her watching the snow slowly fall down. I could not stop thinking this was the best Christmas gift I ever gotten. I waited on her nervously for what seemed like a year. She came out running trying not to get covered in the snow. She said, “Let’s head back to the Walmart parking lot to have a toast” I said, “yeah sounds good.” I wanted to ask her did she ever truly move on from me. I knew deep down that I haven’t. I just could not mustard up the courage to do so for some reason. The song by Phil Collins was playing in my head. (In the air tonight) It has felt like I been waiting for this moment to finally happen for a very long time.

It was a cold silence for a little while when we was heading back to Walmart. Then we passed by the old park I shouted “Man that is where we first met. I remember it like it was yesterday. You had on the yellow tank top the day we got kicked out of our place.” She started laughing “She said yeah back then things were good. I miss those old days it’s funny how people move on with their lives. It seems like yesterday but that was over 10 years ago now.” I told her “Yeah I thought those peaceful days would never end, and that I really did miss her. Even as a friend.” We then pulled back in the Walmart parking lot she said “here handed me a cheap beer and said here’s a toast to living in the moment a toast to now” I said, “I’ll drink to that” I kept noticing the weeding ring on finger. She caught me glimpsing at it. She said “she married her an architect. She was married for going on 2 years now. She said he was good to her. He made her feel safe.” She stated the comment he kept her “warm and safe and dry” She kept going on about how he was PE coach, but later recently got a good paying job as an architect. I noticed, and I believe she would have liked to say she loved the man, but she did not want to lie. I thought if she really did love the guy what the heck are, we doing out her tonight? She then asked me about my love life. I just said, “I never really found anyone just talking to people here and there that’s about it.” As I was drinking that cheap nasty beer, I was honestly trying to get rid of this empty void in me after all these years. But I did not know how. I honestly believe we both was trying to get rid of the emptiness inside of us that night. We talked about an hour, or so about the old times, and how her parents really hated me. She finally admitted they were wrong about me. I did ask her “why did things have to turn out like this ya know?” She said, “It wasn’t God’s plan I guess.” I said, “For the first time in a long time I agree with you on that.”

We was then down to the last two beers. She said “Let’s make a toast to time. The time we wasted and been apart. The good memories we had. The good and bad what do you say? I said “I toast to that. And this right here is a great memory.” I then said, “here’s a toast to Christmas, and bringing in the best new year of all another auld Lang Syne.” She said, “Amen to that let’s stop living in the past and start living in the moment and looking towards the future.” We talked about an hour, or so after that just catching up on things. Talking about the good time. After a while the beer was empty, and we both was slowly running out of things to say. I said well I guess I’ll see you around, and it was nice seeing you after all this time.” She said same to you” We wished each other a merry Christmas. I went to get out and she gave me a kiss as I got out her car. I stood there in the snow watching her drive away out of my life again. I remember the feeling I felt like I was back in school again. I felt that old familiar pain of rejection. As I stood there. I’ll never forget it till the day I die I went to get in my car to make my way back home and the snow turned into to rain.

It started raining just like her in my life it was to good to be true. I drove home shedding some tears on the way home. I arrive home about 35 minuets later. It was about 10:30 when I got home. My whole family rushes outside shouting at me saying “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE WERE WORRIED SICK! I said with tears in my eyes “reliving the past I guess.” I handed them the Bibles I bought them and said, “merry Christmas.” They then was like “What’s wrong with you it’s almost Christmas?” I said, “nothing just bumped into an old friend from high school one of the best ones I ever had.” My family then apologized and just was saying they was concerned cause of the weather, and all. I apologized and explained that it was careless, and I was sorry to. The I could smell the pork cooking in the back yard. My brother Orry said “We did all the work while you was gone. Like always we cut the meat and all.” It was cooking since that morning. We would eat it on Christmas day. I told my brother “Sorry just something important came up was all. Plus, I got ya’ll a last-minute Christmas gift right.” Orry responded by saying “thanks best gift I got all year.” That night we watched a Christmas Carole. A part of the movie that caught my attention. Was when Scrooge was with the spirit of Christmas past. He saw himself with his lover and he said to the spirit when she left him “I almost went after her.” I almost did the same exact thing that night myself is why it stuck with me, I guess.

After the movie went off all my nephews were excited about Santa coming to visit them. I knew after tomorrow my sister and her family would be heading back to their house and come the first my brother would be heading back to California as well. That empty lonely void in me began to grow even more. My sister Molly told my nephews “that it was bedtime. If they did not get some sleep then Santa would not come visit them.” They rushed to bed I told them good night and that I loved them, and God bless them. They put out cookies and milk for Santa Clause to eat and drink on his way there. I thought to myself I sure do miss when I was a kid back when things were good. I see enjoyment out of them, and that brings me joy. I just wish I had a family, and kids of my own to have Christmas with I thought.

Chapter Four So this Christmas

That night I did not get an ounce of sleep. I was thinking about everything should I reach out to Brianna again on social media. Would that really be right she is married after all? I did not really know what to do. My mom came and sat with me for a while we talked. She asked me “if I was okay, and did something happen that night?” I said “yeah I just ran into someone nothing really to alarm you over. I’m just dreading this because it is going by too fast. After tomorrow, and January first I will be alone again. I’m just tired of having no one ya know.” She said “She understood “and came and said a prayer with me something we use to do every night. I really do miss that more than any other thing. I told mamz “good night, and that I loved and missed the prayers. I said merry Christmas and God bless my mamz.” She smiled and said the “merry Christmas.” That night I can’t say I remember much about it besides laying down knowing tomorrow morning early kids will be opening gifts around the world. People would be spending time with their families. As I laid their that cold Christmas night, I wondered how many people truly give thanks to God, and remember the true meaning of Christmas at all?

That night I must gotten an hour or so asleep. I said a prayer to myself thanking God for giving use his son. I thanked Jesus for willingly coming to Earth to save us. I awoke with hearing the noise sounding like running on the floors. My nephews was all awake about 5:30 in the morning. My head was killing me because the lack of sleep. Even with a headache I was still happy to see another Christmas with all my love ones. I was also excited about the feast we would be having that day. I was got up out of bed as I saw my brother videoing the kids opening up their presents. I told my sister everyone Merry Christmas. I hugged them and kissed my brother, sister, and parents. I hugged my nephews and I remember quoting a quote by the late great Bing Crosby I said, “sure it’s Christmas once more.” All my nephews were very excited my nephew Kaiden got Thomas the train sets, and a lot of other trains. He is obsessed with that. The look and smile on that rascal face made my Christmas worth wild. My sister Molly’s other son Karlson got some video games, remote control cars and a lot of other stuff. Then my brother Orry son Chance gotten a tablet, and a lot of toys. All my nephews were running around excited about what “Santa” had brought them.

I asked my sister was they going to stay another night, and she said “we would probably leave first thing in the morning because she had to be back at the hospital on Wednesday” I said “I dread going back to work, and back out there period to be honest.” I was thinking (man no one stays in one place anymore.) I thought everything has changed here. Then my brother cut in and said “I feel you man! I wanna move back here myself I hate California. It is to liberal for me out there. I hate there. I only have one friend there. He looked up and said I wish we could of all stayed here forever like this.” I thought (I know exactly what you mean, but at least you have your son, and family. I got no one in Texas, but a job that pays few to nothing a cheap apartment.) I just kept that to myself. I looked at my phone and received messages from people I worked with saying “Merry Christmas dude” I replied back saying the same, and “I would see them all soon.” I liked the people I worked with they was like family to me. That was the only good thing in Texas. I really did not have much in common with the girl I was seeing over there. Honestly before this trip back home I was thinking of ending it with her. All we did was fuss about stupid stuff.

It was about 8 oclock I asked did anyone wanna go to church of course they all objected. Giving me reasons like “We have all our family down here, and it would take too long for them to get ready ect…” I said, “okay that’s ya’ll choice ya’ll are missing out.” My dad came up to me and urged me to stay home saying, “the roads are icy, and you all are never home anymore please stay.” I said, “I won’t be gone, but two hours church started at 10 and it was getting late.” My mom had on Jimmy Swaggart preaching she always listened to him. If it would not been for everyone being at home and having to heat up and finish the cooking, she would of went with me I knew she would of. I got my clothes out and began to fill the tub up with water. The bathroom was freezing I put a little cheap space heater in there to warm up the bathroom. It takes 30 minuets to get from my house to church at it was about 8:30 so I had to hurry. I was not going to be late for the Christmas service.

After I got washed and dressed it was about 9:20ish. I told everyone I would be back home soon. I loved them and hope they have the merriest Christmas of them all. My mom told me “to drive safe and slow on the roads because they icy.” I said, “don’t worry I love ya’ll and I’ll be back soon.” I arrived at church, and I was surprised hardly no one was there on Christmas. Pastor Mike came up to me before I went inside and greeted me by saying “Merry Christmas brother we won’t have a big attendance today because most of the members are out of town traveling for the Holidays.” I replied by saying “that makes sense and Merry Christmas to you I thank God I got here safe and on time.” I then went in the church and sat in the spot I always sat in the third pew from the back. A song by Elvis Presley came to my mind (if every day was like Christmas) I said to myself I wish every day was like this. People started coming slowly hugging my neck telling me “Merry Christmas and it was good to see me” I told them all the same. I said, “it’s good to be here in the house of the Lord on Christmas.” The we all prayed, and pastor Mike said open your hymn books and we did to the page of the (The first Noel) , after that Paster Mike preached from Luke the story of the birth of Christ. I remember something he said. Pastor Mike said "I believe if you had a telescope and looked in the star that night you would of saw the Heavens opened with angels rejoicing from the birth of Christ the Messiah." The church sermon ended with silent night. As the last verse was being sung he (Pastor Mike) said if any of you need Jesus this morning. Don't be like the hotel's and reject Jesus be like the stable owner and let him. Let him in your heart this morning. After that church was dismissed I knew that would be the last time I would be in that church at Bereau Christian Advent a long time.

The first was approaching me and my family would be parting ways. My brother would be leaving on a train. The first of the month our family would be split up again. I dreaded for it to come. The before New years we bought fire works. Still that Christmas Eve left an emptiness in my soul. I missed that night and I dreamed of it. I longed for the old days. They were out of sight. I noticed that sometimes living in the presence we can find ourselves falling deeper, and deeper into the past. I just kept reminding myself of the quote by Bret the Hitman Heart "Living in the past there's no future in it."

Chapter Five A Moment of Youth

The next days till New years eve flew by I called my boss at work called me I told him I would be back my birthday the 17th of January. If that was ok I originally put in till the first like my brother. I just wanted to extend it. I wanted to get a long look at at that place I called home because who knows I may never get to see it like I remember it now again. Finally new years eve was here. Me and my brother Orry went to a local firework shop a few days prior. The shop was called Hobo Joe's. The shop has been there for years and was pretty ruined down. We didn't care it was like a family tradition we always went there to get fireworks. We love going there. I hated to think this was the night and tomorrow would be the last day I would see my brother in God knows how long. He was going back tomorrow night. Which was basically the second, but still I dreaded the feeling of losing my family again. I would feel all alone again. I said to myself that it was life. My sister would Molly and her family would be coming to eat and watch the fireworks. Before they got there and before it was night which was fastly approaching. I went to the local gas station to pick up hotdogs buns. I got them and drove home which is only like five minutes down the road. I passed by our old house where we use to live. I had a flash back of me and my family when all of us was still together before the family feud having the times of our lives. We was living for the day not worrying about tomorrow.

I saw my cousin Rich playing king of the hill. I remember riding that old red four wheeler we had back when things were good. I wish I could of went back to those days. But sadly those days are gone I thought. Then I got out the jeep gave my mom the hotdogs buns. My sister Molly and her family arrived. We built a fire out side because it was getting dark and we was about to shoot fire works. Nightfall finally came and we started lighting fireworks. I really did miss when we all did this together it was a blast from the past. I use to spend every new year shooting fireworks with all my friends and family without a care in the world. I was watching them light up the night sky like a five and ten year old me would gaze at the night sky. I still was happy because my brother Orry was there, my sister Mollybwas there, my parents was there, and I was there. I believe that night we all was looking, and for a moment living in our youthful days just for a moment.

The next day my brother would be leaving I cried a little hated to see him go. I told him to stay and let's move back down here. Orry said with a smile "I'll never leave California brother." Me and my mom, dad, sister (and her family) saw my brother off at the train station. I told my brother bye and I loved him and would miss him and his family. He said a quote from John Q "it's not goodbye it's I'll see you later." With that he was gone out of my life again. My sister and her family would be heading back to Charleston. I was the only one without a family of my own. I was walking and the train sign came down. As it came down I past the same girl I fell in love with. The same same girl I met on Christmas eve. And as I turned real quick the train came. I stayed there shocked but when the train left she was gone.

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