unadulterated-kid

[unadulterated-kid]

A different perspective

Today is February 27, 2020. Today, I can make my own decision on what to do with my day.

So, in the next year or so, I might be starting over: a new place to live in, a new family to grow, a new job to learn and new experiences to discover. In this process, I will be leaving a lot of things behind, basically my old life and my old routines. You can say that this is some sort of rebirth. But, to me, it is reclaiming myself.

I do not know if what lies ahead is the correct decision to make. But what I do know is that it was my decision to make, and it was something I decided for myself. I am starting to grow up, in a mature way, and hopefully, this continues to a good path.

Cheers to all our plans and decisions 💖

And to whoever is reading this, have a good day today.

[unadulterated-kid]

Veni, vidi, vici.

So many things has already happened. Time indeed passes by so quickly.

In just a span of two years, I’ve changed jobs, moved out (for like half a year but it still counts) and met the love of my life.

Life is good.

[unadulterated-kid]

How travel changes perspectives

Here I am, scrolling through old pictures of travels to Sagada and Baguio. It was just two months ago but suddenly I feel the need to leave again. To see the world.

Wanderlust takes many forns - but I think this is the most wonderful form of escapism ever. Yes, when you travel, you escape. But you also get to live. You leave everything behind but once you get there, you immerse in everything all at once.

You see strangers who you may only see once in your life because you know that you don’t belong there. But even if you do not belong, you were never rejected.

You get to take pictures and keep them in your memories but what you felt when you were there will always resonate with you: something that can never be captured by photographs.

When you travel with friends, the fun doubles because you know that if you lot get lost together, you can always laugh it off and figure your way out together.

I have never traveled alone but when I do, it would be the greatest gift that I will ever give myself.

You see, hear, touch and experience more. You remember who you are. You rediscover your truths and your thoughts. And when you come back, you will never be the same again.

And the best part is, when you travel, you do everything for the first time. Just like how we were meant to experience as a human: saying our first words, taking our first steps, writing our first letter, meeting our first friend, etc.

That is how we should live.

[unadulterated-kid]

Dear CPA,

Congrats! 2 months in public practice :) that is a big achievement. What's next is figuring out how to survive the hellish months to come. Today you were the last person to leave the office. You're too busy. Have time for me okay? Please pretty please don't get sick. You can do this! You are me after all :)

[unadulterated-kid]

The world is too beautiful; not being able to see the most of it is not living.

[unadulterated-kid]

On being different at home and at work

I'm my worst self at home. I'm meaner, louder, lazier, unreasonable - generally everything bad to the extremes. Is it because of overfamiliarity? I think I'm more myself at work but then again, was I unconsciously keeping up a facade? Ugh, two weeks in and I'm feeling myself change. A lot.

[unadulterated-kid]

If you would ask my twelve year old self what she would be in ten years, I probably would respond with a bunch of professions that I just learned about days ago. It was that easy to blurt out yiur dreama because those times in your luves were the times where you truly felt invincible. The world was literally putty in your hands, everything was special and magical and possible. So here I am, ten years later, pessimistic and skeptical. Still stuck in the same place. But I wish I could stay stuck like this forever. Holding on to that invincibipity I felt as a child. Holding on it for dear life

[unadulterated-kid]

I don’t believe that people could change overnight

They changed a long time ago.

It’s either you didn’t notice or chose not to notice.

[unadulterated-kid]

CPA

YAY me! I did it :3

I still can’t believe it.

I’m a CPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[unadulterated-kid]

It is done.

I leave it all to you Lord. Let Your will be done. Lord, pretty please help me through this just this once. I am so afraid. So scared. But with You, I know things are possible. Lord, I surrender completely.

[unadulterated-kid]

This is it pansit. This is it.

[unadulterated-kid]

Damaged

I think I have been badly damaged. I fear that I could be irreparably damaged. I smile like I usually do. I laugh at jokes. I talk in my usual quiet voice. I just now realize that I have only held myself up lile how hands tightly grip broken shards of a mirror. In an attempt to cover up the cracks in my facade, I grip the shards tighter, gushing out blood in the process. I want to cry but the tears won't flow. I want to shout but the words disappear in my mouth. I want to be mad but I feel only flashes of anger, intense and overwhelming at one point, immediately dissipating into nothingness again. I am reluctant to head home. I want to get lost in the midst of a crowd, hoping that someone won't find me. I stare blankly ahead, thinking about how I became like this. I was once whole but now I'm broken. I don't know who or what broke me. I am still breaking.

[unadulterated-kid]

This is it, kid.

This is the part which decides where you will be for the next ten years of your life.

This is the part where you have to grow up, take responsibility for yourself and take action.

This is the part where you have to set aside all your feelings and stop all your needless habits so you can focus.

Two months to go. Less than two months to go.

You have to go after your dream before it get away.

Even though dreaming is more comforting,realizing it is more important.

Because if you won’t, if you can’t, nobody else can do it for you.

You have to be strong. You have to take a leap of faith.

You have to believe that you can do it.

You have to believe that your life is just beginning. That everything is gonna change. That everything is gonna be worth it in the end. That everything is for the dream.

[unadulterated-kid]

Unemployed or not

Four days after graduation and I am still unsure what to do after my next goal - to pass the CPA board exam. I’m nervous and afraid and just a little bit happy because finally, I feel like an adult! Although, being an adult still sounds strange and foreign to me. Where should I go next? Should I work or proceed to law school? So many things are uncertain and yet I’m thinking, how my ears itch tonight. Oh well, this had been a weird text post

[unadulterated-kid]

I think this blog needs to be revamped

I'm thinking movie screencaps? Or book reviews? Or accounting stuff? I do not really know

[unadulterated-kid]

Graduations and Goodbyes

So I am graduating in a few days (Saturday, March 28 to be exact) and I am still in cloud nine. I feel happy at the prospect of graduating as a magna cum laude (just let me brag just this once lol) and at the future ahead of me (I am actually scared witless though). For the first time in a long while, the different possibilities of me is spread out before my eyes. At this crucial juncture in my life, decisions made here could make or break me and will dictate the flow of my life for the next twenty years or so. It is frightening really, to be at the edge of the precipice called school. I have never been anywhere in my life except at school and I am afraid that the real world really is a thousand times harder than the academe. I still have to review for the CPA board exam and I fear the advent of the coming days. It is 2am and my mind is still worried that I am still not good enough, still not quite ready for the real world. My heart is unprepared, my mind feels inadequate, my body feels squeamish, my hands feels incompetent. Am I ready to plunge down into the unknown abyss called reality? So many doubts and worries eat at me -.-

[unadulterated-kid]

Wanted to watch a bunch of scary movies but ended up catching up on a bunch of American shows (New Girl, The Big Bang Theory, Supernatural, The Walking Dead, Modern Family, America's Next Top Model, Reign)

And now I'm crushing on Julian Morris.