unbreakable-and-unchanged - Tumblr blog

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Vacation Time

On vacation for a week in West Bend, WI, visiting my best friend! And my puppy came with me. Nice to take time off work and relax.

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I created this playlist when in a sad, melancholy, funky mood. Just needed to get it out there...

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8tracks mix

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Life

For me, the worst part of being an introvert is that even when I have prepared myself emotionally, mentally, and physically to go out with friends, I still feel that crushing loneliness. I get that it isn't just me, but oh my god it fucking sucks. Plus I know I need to go in and get formally diagnosed with a Depressive Disorder... I'm a fucking social worker that gives the PHQ-9 fucking daily; I know the signs and symptoms like the back of my hand and I can give the questionaire by memory. But knowing myself, I am just going to continue the way that I am and suffer in quiet because fuck talking to people about it... or maybe I will build up enough courage to go talk to HR at work about the programs we have to use for self help.

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#NowPlaying on @8tracks: "haunted all my life". A fun mix for Peggy Carter as the Winter Solider instead of Bucky.

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Moving out soon.

Thank god for this, because I am so close to hurting myself if I have to stay with my parents or brothers more than I have to stay here longer. Things have gotten better, but they all seem to forget the boundries I have set up for my personal space. But I live on. Hopefully only a month or two more of living at home, then me and the pooch move out on our own.

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Angry and irrational tonight

I have been angry and irrational both tonight and for the past few weeks. It is so stupid... I am an adult and able to take care of myself and feed myself... but I feel like my family forgets me, like I am invisible to them. I have felt this way for most of my life, like if I walked out the door and didn't come back they may not notice for a while. And I know this is bullshit, cause they do love me... but sometimes I can not even convince myself that they would notice for days if I was gone. I just want to move out, so I can get over this feeling of relying on them.

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NowPlaying on @8tracks: L E T ♢ T H E M ♢ B O W ♢ D O W N

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SO MUCH CUTENESS

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Too cute not to share ^.^

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Adulthood can blow

Here’s the thing… I still live at home… and I am 24. Now mind you, I am planning on moving out in the next few months as I have a real full time job now and not just temp jobs.

The thing is… things just sometimes… fucking suck.

My problem is my irrational anger at my family members. I know the moment I am having a fight with either my parents or younger brothers that I am being stupid and irrational and need to calm the fuck down, but I can’t. I can’t because I am 24 and stll living at home and no one respects my privacy or need and wants.

Another problem is the fact that my younger brothers are only a few years younger than me. Yet they don’t have full time jobs, or even a part time job, and are not in school and don’t have to pay rent or shit. Sure they have chores like doing the dishes, mowing the lawn or shoveling the side walk, but still they have to be told to do it. Then my parents will make sure the get fed.  And yes, I know, I have a job, which means I have a pay check, so I can buy my own food, but sometimes it doesn’t seem fair that I seem to be forgotten by my parents and forced to fend for myself.

And as I was writing this, my mother just walked right into my room. No knock, no asking to come in, just opening my door and walking in, and not getting the glare that was on my face. I don't even get privacy here, they seem to forget that this is my space. Then get upset when I bring up that they said they would work on knocking and waiting to enter my room. Then comes my irrational anger, eating me from the inside out.

So good night world. I am going to do some breathing exercises and try to get a good nights restful sleep.

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A fun, moving, dance mix.

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Beautiful sounds chilling you down the bone.

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Starting out

I am starting this the right way. No one knows I am here. No one can know I am here. Every other site that I am on, including my other tumblr account, has friends following it, and I can't stand not having a place to vent. So, it goes, get a new Nook, get a new blog. For myself. And my dog. Cause he is my everything.