unconditionalcaretaker

[unconditionalcaretaker]

I love you so much that it suffuses all of my bones, oh Other. What am I in the face of you? I forget. Here you are, tempestuous, irreverent, beastly, princely, adorably, grand as anything. I love you more than…what were we talking about? Why should I compare you to anything? Why should I look away from you to see the world’s pallor? You are in everything, you spread out, you command all. When I am with you, I forget…I forget. I love you more than…no. I love you. I love you more and more.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Thank you everybody here who is nice to me

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Things that I thought determined my self-worth when I was 14:

Chess

My IQ

How lavish a retirement I could buy for my mother if I saved from the ages of 22 to 40 and then died

Whether I had the courage and wherewithal to run back inside my schoolbuilding and drag people out, should a shooting/fire/bomb threat ever occur

My ability or inability to understand quantum physics

Peter Singer's approval

Whether the dude in my class with the fire pattern converse felt respected and safe in my presence

[unconditionalcaretaker]

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Freewrite June 23, 2025

Honey inside my veins is not enough, need honey inside my bones. Thrill inside the cheek. Check me - do I glow? Mine, mine, mine, mine, I clutch at little things. Insensible, dizzy. When will the gravity come back? I'm falling against the floor, the floor is rising through space for thousands of miles every second, the Earth is not tumbling down, it is tumbling upwards infinitely into the void. A vacuum pulls endlessly, NEEDS something to cuddle - would you like better to hold me or to be held? I read that something clutched against the chest gives a sense of power. Use me like a rag. I am a deflated eye, yet still I am watching. Your faithful observer. I adore you, adore you. "Why are there beings at all instead of nothing?" Only so that it is not nothing which adores you, but a being. I AM. I am alive, I can feel the honey, it is marrow and it is real and it is in all of my bones. Everything is soft at the core. I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Serious question: how does one talk to irl, normal friends about one’s life authentically without trauma dumping? Like, someone asks, “What have you been up to lately?” and my options are:

“Well there was a death in the family and I’m manic again but at least I’m writing a lot of good porn.” <- clearly too much, sends people skittering away and/or gaping in horror

“…I went camping?” <- reveals nothing real and ignores several elephants in the room which are trumpeting loudly at the back of my brain for the rest of the conversation

Of course, there is option three, which is probably some sort of happy medium. “Things have been tough lately, but I did have a nice camping trip. Been so hyper ever since then. Wow vacationing sure does give you a lot of energy!” But somehow that feels the most inauthentic of all???

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Spin this wheel first and then this wheel second to generate the title of a YA fantasy novel!

(If the second wheel lands on an option ending with a plus sign, spin it again)

Share what you got!

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Zdzisław Beksiński (1929-2005, Polish)

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Zdzisław Beksiński (1974)

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Dolce & Gabbana - Fall 1992 RTW

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Woke up so horny it felt like morning wood. Gender affirmed!

[unconditionalcaretaker]

You are not immune to fascist rhetoric just because you’re queer.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Having internet friends is an experience. Did you eat today? I can’t believe your sister hasn’t apologized yet, what a bitch. Drink a glass of water right now. Want to see a cat picture? I love you. I know you better than your parents. I don’t know your name. I’m having a rough day, can you talk to me about your favorite videogame? I love you. Good morning means good night means good afternoon means go to sleep. Here’s a doodle I made in class. I’m stealing your clothes as we speak, they’re so pretty. I love you. I love your pet. What does your hair look like? I’d love to see that weird leaf. I love you. I’m making you your favorite food. Thank you for holding my secrets for me. I love you. We’re having a coffe date. I love you. I’m giving you a screen-sized hug. I love you. I love you. I love you.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

It is my blessing and my curse that I will always find something to hold sacred, because that is just the way I hold things: sacredly. I will always make meaning, and morality, where there is none.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

The result of not sleeping is that I feel physically lovesick. There's just wave after wave of such intense, affectionate lust that I actually have to go lie down. Not to jack off. But because it straight up feels like I will pass out.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

Alright I attempted to camp. It was like 80 degrees in the tent and there were spiders crawling on us. We are indoor creatures. I’m taking him home.

[unconditionalcaretaker]

you can take a break from a hobby once it’s no longer fun. you should take a break from social media if it’s no longer fun. if something is making you too tired, or unhappy or angry or even bored when it’s not supposed to be, take a break, do something else. you deserve to enjoy yourself a little on your spare time.