#actually cptsd

[defiantcripple]

Okay, breaking out of the crippleposting to do a Mental Illness Post rq:

On top of depression and anxiety, I have BPD, CPTSD, OSDD-1b, and Bipolar II. I experience delusions, psychosis, and severe dissociation. I am a *severely* mentally ill person. Because of all of this, I require several mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic to keep myself grounded to reality, let alone functional.

I swear to GOD, if one more person with depression looks at me and says some shit like "yeah, I'm sure medication would help me, I just don't want to be dependent on it." I'm going to fucking scream. The sheer ableism in y'all's attitudes towards people who can't just opt out of medication and who ARE dependent on it is fucking crazy. The way they hit the word "dependent" in that sentence always holds so much judgment and distain, like they don't even consider that some of us don't have the luxury of choice. Being dependent on medication has literally no moral weight, and for me it's that or dead. So.

***and before someone goes off on me, this is NOT about people who can't afford medication or who medication doesn't work for, and I am not saying that depression can't be debilitating. I am only referring to exactly the situation I described, so don't try and gotcha me***

[recoverr]

i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

[starfishinthedistance]

I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

[ed-recoverry]

To anyone who was suicidal at age 14 or younger, here’s your permission to grieve. Here’s your permission to not joke about it or just flat out ignore it. Here’s your permission to acknowledge that lost child who felt way more pain than any child should ever feel. You’re allowed to cry for that child, whether you healed or are still suffering the same thoughts. Finally allow yourself to grieve for that child filled with undeserved hurt.

[gh0stgirl-hotline]

Born to love cursed to be unlovable

[flittermousemoth]

Self-aware of my self-destruction, yet unable to stop myself.

[to0needy]

i don’t know who i am anymore, there’s too many versions of “me”

[unstablemotions]

Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

[systemofmemes]

[nothing0fnothing]

being like this and living with someone who doesn't understand is so hard.

[interruptedsblog]

I feel empty, I feel a hole in my chest while sadness and anguish are invading me. I don't have enough strength to get up, move, concentrate and eat.

[yourhealingjournal]

i read this post about someone simply accepting their depression is not going to go away & instead of resenting themselves for never getting rid of it or trying to find so much energy to banish the sadness away or to be fully "healed" from it, they just focus on adding more happy things in their plate.

and that is something i can resonate with.

[anexperimentallife]

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to people who “just” have anxiety and depression. I’m sorry the severity of your disorders are downplayed. I know from personal experience, when I was dealing with “just” anxiety and depression, that this was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Depression is severe. Anxiety is severe. There is no “just” anxiety and depression.

[thexspiral]

Parts of PTSD that no one talks about

Not knowing who to be angry at.

Being angry with yourself for letting it happen even if there was no way to stop it.

Crying and not knowing why.

Flashbacks where nothing bad is happening but it feels bad.

Denying that it ever even happened because your brain doesn't want to process it.

Wanting to go back to it so it feels "bad enough."

Intentionally triggering yourself to feel like your suffering is real.

Being angry all the time at every little thing.

Getting triggered by minor things and then being treated poorly because of your reaction to said trigger.

Hating change.

Being scared to sleep because you know you'll have nightmares.

Struggling to find hobbies that you enjoy.

Feeling like you're barely human.

Struggling to be positive about anything at all.

Feeling like you may be manipulating people around you into liking you.

Feeling like no one believes you because you barely even believe yourself.

Treating your past self as a "dead" version of you and feeling like a completely different person.

Being tired all the time, both physically and mentally.

Feeling like if you talk about it, your safety will be at risk.

Feeling the need to hide your trauma from everyone, including professionals there to help them.

Being paranoid everyone is going to hurt you.

Being physically incapable of talking about it.

Feeling like you're stuck reliving your trauma.

Having to skip classes or work days because of flashbacks.

Mourning your past self.

Wanting to hurt others so they feel what you feel.

Wondering why it had to be you and it wasn't someone else.

Chronic pain.

Clinging to "safe people."

Not being able to find a solid sense of identity.

Forcing yourself to be around people who trigger you for the sake of politeness.